Up The Women (2013) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1 Nana was a suffragette Almost the last alive Nana was a suffragette Over 95 She sang, "Votes for women "Is just the beginning "You haven't seen anything yet" Oh, Nana was a suffragette.
Ah, good afternoon, Thomas.
Welcome to the jam sale.
Yes, unfortunately, I don't have any jam.
But I have made this.
Oh, what is it? Well, it will assist us in showing the donor that every ha'penny counts.
Yes, perhaps we might call it a a visual chart for the calculation of total funds - or some such.
Wonderful idea! How does it work? You ask me how much we have raised thus far, I refer to this and I tell you.
How much have we raised thus far, Thomas? Ummm .
.
nuppence! Goodness.
What a clever thing! Well done! Ooh, am I the first one? No, I believe that would be me and Thomas.
Oh, yes! Oh, no! Oh, I didn't bring any jam.
I am so sorry.
Moderation ate all the gooseberries and then John filled the rest of the jars with tadpoles.
Hello, Margaret, Eva, Master Grisham.
I've brought my jams.
Oh, good.
Shall I talk you through them? Yes, please, Gwen.
Strawberry jam.
Plum jam.
Right, yesthank you, Gwen.
Well done.
I just don't understand jam sales.
What don't you understand, Eva? Well, we're making jam to sell to each other to raise money for ourselves.
Yes.
Why don't we just give the money to ourselves and not bother with the jam business? Oh, Eva! How could you say such a thing? Well, if I asked, Charlie would just give us a guinea.
"Just give us a guinea"! A jam sale is not just a way of raising funds, Eva, it is a bonding, unifying activity - a way of creating passion and interest in our cause.
These jars of jam will cohese our group and galvanise the wider society.
Goodness, Margaret, I had no idea how important my jam was.
If I'd known, I'd have brought my damson.
Can you manage the jam stall, Thomas? Yes, I think so.
Afternoon, ladies, Thomas.
There's a letter for you.
It's got a London postmark.
The return address is WSPU, Caxton Hall, London.
It's from the Women's Social and Political Union! Goodness, Margaret, how exciting! The WSPU! (What's that?) (I'm not sure.
) Emmeline Pankhurst.
Oh, open it, Margaret! Open it! I'm here! I'm here! Apologies for my mild tardiness, we are just returned from luncheon with the Smuths of Sheffield.
Yes, THE Smuths.
Oh, Emily, I love your hair like that! I hate it.
Jonty Smuth was there, of course.
He was quite taken with Emily's recital.
Oh, what did you sing? Some Hildegard of Bingen.
Oh, I adore Hildegard of Bingen! Was it the Canticles Of Ecstasy? Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh No, 11,000 virgins.
Oh, I adore that one, too! Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh So who is this Jonty Smuth? Only Sheffield's most eligible bachelor, heir to the Smuth spoon-manufacturing empire.
Some halfwit she barely knows.
Ah, that takes me back to my courting days.
We are not courting!! Ooh, Emily, Margaret's had a letter from the WW What was it? The Emmeline Pankhurst Society.
Really? Is she coming to your jam sale? Why on Earth would she write to you? Well, after the runaway success of our march on the post office, I wrote to Emmeline Pankhurst - courtesy of the Women's Social and Political Union - informing her of our little Banbury Suffrage Group.
I hoped for nothing more than a perfunctory note of acknowledgement.
I never expected a reply! What did you write? Oh, just a 15-page letter with diagrams and a comical poem about suffragettes.
You wrote a comical poem? Yes, I did.
"Proud To Be A Suffragette".
Want to hear it? Is it long? Ooh, yes, Margaret! Oh, er, let me see if I can remember it.
Um'Proud to be a suffragette! 'We fight to find our rights well met! 'We climb on chairs and stand on soap box, 'We'll never be the ones you out-fox.
'We march and sing from dawn to dusk 'And call to Asquith, "Our vote's a must".
LIGHT APPLAUSE I thought you said it was comical? Yes, perhaps not comical, more light hearted.
It gets funnier later.
How? Oh, well, verse 14 is VERY funny.
Do share.
'You shackled us to our wifely duties, 'Now we're marching in our booties 'To shout to government, "Enough's Enough!" 'You must give in or we'll get rough! 'Although within the bounds of law - 'We're suffragettes! Now hear us roar!' I don't see how that's any funnier.
Well, the booties is funny, isn't it? No.
Oh, do read the reply, Margaret! Oh, erm 'Dear Mrs Unwin" - that's me! - "Mrs Emmeline Pankhurst "thanks you for your letter and has asked me to convey that "though she very much enjoyed your poem, "she felt she should point out it was not, strictly speaking, "comical.
"However, in coincidence with Mrs Pankhurst's impending tour "of Oxfordshire next Wednesday, "our esteemed leader and a small phalanx of her closest lieutenants "would be delighted to attend a rally of your Suffrage Society "with a view to inducting your group "officially into the ranks of the WSPU.
" Oooh," lieutenants".
I don't think they're those types of lieutenants.
More, lady tenants.
Well, any port in a storm.
Emmeline Pankhurst is coming here? Yes.
Next Wednesday.
Oh, goodness.
And she wants to make us one of her! This is so exciting! Don't you get excited, Emily.
Next Wednesday, you'll be visiting the spoon-manufacturing plant at the Sheffield Smuths.
I will not! I knew a Lieutenant in Genoa.
He invited me to his barracks, where he taught me chess, and I would often play late into the night with his privates.
I'll have to spruce up the hall, varnish the floors, fix that wobbly cobble on the path.
Forge a new weathervane, in the shape of Pankhurst's face? Yes, excellent idea, Helen.
Can we do that, Mr Millar? Oh, erI'll talk to Bert.
The colliery band - that's what we need, to lead a welcome parade! Mr Sweet with his euphonium.
He's got the fastest fingers in Banbury.
Ooh, you must introduce me.
Yes! Us, we, all of us Not me.
Not Helen.
.
.
dressed as a living tableau of outstanding women through the ages! You, Gwen, as Joan of Arc.
You, Eva, the Virgin Mary.
And you, Myrtle, Catherine the Great.
Can't I be the Queen of Sheba? Yes, yes, why not? And you, Margaret, as Queen Boadicea.
Or Barbara Grant.
Who's Barbara Grant? She wrote an epoch-defining article on the rules of lighthouse maintenance, in 1864.
She rewrote the rule book on rule books.
Might I be part of this tableau? Well, it's for outstanding women, Thomas, sorry.
Yes, yes, I think I see.
Though, perhaps, I might compose a piece for the colliery band.
I have been toying with some movements in the pentatonic scale.
Quite revolutionary.
Oh, yes, oh, yes! Margaret, if there's going to be music, I could get my little rabbits to do a gymnastics display? They could do their human pyramid? On the bottom you've got Liberty, Charity, Patience, Providence, Prudence.
On top of that, Justina, Earnestina, Constance, Clemence.
On top of that, Chastity, Virginity and Abstinence and on top, Moderation, like a little fat cherry! And where's John? Oh, we just dress him up as a Pharaoh and let him run around.
Oh, such a shame you shan't be here to welcome Emmeline Pankhurst, Helen.
It won't be the same without you.
It's pathetic.
All this fuss just because Goulden Girl is coming to Banbury.
Goulden Girl? Goulden was her maiden name.
We were at school together.
You were at school with Emmeline Pankhurst, the holiest warrior of them all? Why didn't you tell us? Why on earth would I? She was eminently forgettable.
A mousey little thing, plain and stout with a shrill little laugh.
She always had to be best at everything and she would trill around the corridors intoning Carmen in that tinny vibrato of hers.
I barely remember her at all.
She sounds enchanting.
Well, she wasn't.
She couldn't even tie a bow.
Nor can I! She was left-handed.
So am I! And extremely weak at napkin folding.
I also! Oh! Do you think she has many friends? I wonder if she and I might start a correspondence I could perhaps precis my essay on female physiognomy and give it to her and she and I could discuss it at length.
I mean I certainly won't bombard her or monopolise her.
Oh, there's no fear of that.
I imagine she will dislike you intensely.
You are exactly the sort of girl that she would sneer at and pick on! Goodness, really? No!? Did she? Was shea bully?! No, no, no, not that.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Everybody! Oh! What is it, Gwen? Mrs Pankhurst's letter! It's dated the 30th March.
I know for a fact that was a week ago because Mother has her ears syringed that day every year and also it's my birthday.
Let me see! Is it your birthday, Gwen? No, that letter was written a week ago.
She's right.
Mrs Pankhurst is coming today at four o'clock.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Nobody panic! Everybody stay Nobody stay Absolutely calm! Pull yourselves together, she's just another miner's daughter on the make.
Help move the chairs, at least, Helen! Where are you moving them? I don't know! Breathe, Margaret, breathe.
I can't I can't Hands above your head! It's not helping! Hands down.
Thank you, Helen.
Not at all.
All will be well.
All will be well.
There goes our tableau.
No, no, Myrtle, it will go ahead - merely abridged! We may have to lose some outstanding women, but the message will shine through.
Shall I see if any of the marching band boys are about now? I can make my ten-minute trifle, it only takes ten minutes.
Yes, I'll make it in the colours of suffragism! Excellent.
What are they? Purple, white and green.
What about the costumes for the tableau? I shall cohese and galvanise, Margaret.
All we need are sheets and ivy! Well done, Gwen! Excellent! Oh.
I haven't any ivy or sheets.
We do! We have a whole bundle of old linen we were taking to the workhouse, don't we, Mother? I'll go and get it.
I can come and help you! No, you will not! I shall fetch them.
Thank you, Helen.
I'll get my trifle started.
Emily, wait in the kitchen with Gwen! I will need an exotic haunting intro and a veil I can play this.
Perhaps you could play The Arrival Of The Queen Of Sheba by Handel! Do you know it? I think so.
MUSIC: London's Burning Yes, perhaps try just slower and more hauntingly.
PLAYS VERY SLOWLY I like your hair, Emily! I hate it! I can't bear that I shall meet Emmeline Pankhurst looking like a trussed up chicken.
Why must women slavishly adorn themselves like painted mannequins? May I help you? Oh, yes, please.
Could you two crumble the sponge? I know you've got your best frock on, Emily, but I'm in such a rush! I'm adding a drop of lavender food colouring into the suffrage custard.
How clever of you, Gwen! This crumbly sponge is like the merciless sand dunes of an endless desert betwixt me and the ocean of Purple custard! Ready for pouring! Thomas, we're in need of your musical prowess! Excuse me, Gwen, Miss Emily.
Are you excited about singing for Mrs Pankhurst, Emily? I do hope she likes my trifle.
I hate Mother.
Oh, Emily, you shouldn't say such a thing! Why? It's true! She's horrible! Beastly.
Look at this stupid hair, shoving me at squinty faced boys who make jokes about poor people.
Oh, Emily, if only you knew how lucky you were, the whole world ahead of you.
Suitors lining up left, right and centre, a wedding bed, children.
Those are the things dreams are made of.
Not my dreams, Gwen.
Not mine.
I had one proposal from Kenneth Hillingdon.
There's not a day goes by that I don't re-live that moment.
Him holding up a dandelion to me, down on one knee by the dung heap.
Why did you refuse him? He was a bit, not quite right in the head and he had a very protuberant Adam's apple and halitosis.
But Mother disapproved, so Emily! What have you done? Goodness! Emily! Are you quite all right? Emily, you're naked! I'm sorry, Miss Emily, you're undressed.
I want to meet Emmeline as I am.
I am wearing my hair down like this because I believe that the hair bun is women's iron mask.
Is it? Uncover your eyes, Thomas.
It's only hair.
But will I compromise your sweet virtue? The hair bun is a mocking helmet of harnessed power and freedom.
Is it? I had no idea! I'm back, I'm back.
Emily! What on earth do you think you're doing?! It's my hair.
No it is not! It belongs to me and Jesus! I am wearing my hair as nature and God intended me to.
I always thought that God preferred us to wear our hair in buns.
He most certainly does.
Did the Virgin Mary wear her hair in a bun? No, but I do think she had a fringe.
No, the Virgin Mary did not have a fringe, Gwen.
Well you can't see it but it's definitely there.
Fringes weren't invented then.
Margaret would know.
Margaret, when were fringes invented? No-one invented the fringe, Gwen, but Joan of Arc most certainly made them popular.
The Virgin Mary did not have a fringe, nor did she walk around with her hair billowing in the fornicacious wind.
Put it up at once! It's the fashion! Very much a la mode in bohemian Chelsea.
I think she looks beautiful.
Like a Rossetti heroine glowing and warm from a bed of sin.
Some of us are capable of enduring duty in the exaltation of our ideals, Mother.
Oh, get off the cross, Helen! We need the wood! Emily! We are leaving right now! I got as much of the band as I could.
Everyone except the horn section, and the cymbals, the euphonium, the cornets and the tuba.
So Two tenor trombones.
Only, one of them doesn't think women should have votes.
So, it's just the one - trombone.
Well done, Frank! The thing is, Mrs Unwin, she's here! Mrs Pankhurst is coming up the drive! Oh, goodness, she was always early! Oh, good Lord.
Quick! Quick! Gwen, get the trifle.
Get the trifle, Gwen! Actually, no, no.
There's no time.
No time, no time.
Battalion, troops, troops, troops.
Everyone in line.
Everyone in line! Should I, erm? Mrs Emmeline Pankhurst, it is a pleasure and an honour to have you at our humble Ah, welcome! Welcome to Emmeline! Emmeline Pankhurst.
Who are you? I am Mrs Margaret Unwin, founder of the Banbury Oh, yes, yes, Emmeline knows about you, you wrote her a letter.
She read about you.
Um, sorry are you not? Yes, she is here.
Emmeline is I.
Oh, Mrs Pankhurst, words cannot express Well, they're all you've got, so you'd better get on with it.
Emmeline is on a tight schedule.
She must be in Upper Slaughter by night fall.
Yes, yes, she is here to inspect your battalion to see if you are worthy of these hand-stitched 100% grosgrain silk sashes bearing the insignia of Votes For Women.
Don't touch! Sorry erm, Mrs, erm.
Oh, jam! Put it in the sack with the others.
(Gwen.
) Oh, sorry, Margaret, I'm so nervous, I forgot.
It's fine.
It will be fine.
I'm extremely humbled by your response to my letter, Mrs Pankhurst.
I very much hope that we can walk with, beside, slightly behind, on your long, lonely march to female emancipation.
How often one yearns for the quick and easy badinage of like-minded gentlewomen I, too, am left-handed and struggle with a bow.
Napkins are my nemesis! Emmeline is only going to say this once.
Less of this Sit! Assemble! She begins with a speech.
They have told us that government rests upon force.
The women haven't force, so they must submit.
Well, we are showing them that government does not rest upon force at all, it rests upon consent.
So long as women consent to be unjustly governed, they can be, but directly women say, "We withhold our consent to be governed, "we will not be governed any longer so long as that government is unjust.
" Not by the forces of civil war can you govern the very weakest woman.
You can kill that woman.
But she escapes you then.
You cannot govern her.
No power on earth can govern a human being, however feeble .
.
who withholds his or her consent.
Freedom or death! Freedom, please.
I've made you some trifle, Mrs Pankhurst, in the colours of suffragism.
Trifle, eh? Purple custard? That's the suffra-gism! COUGHING Next! Since the dawn of time, when Eve stepped from Adam's rib, or probably not, er, heliotrope spinning molluscs spawned chimpanzee spawned shemen, history has been peppered with an astounding array of outstanding women, be she Biblical, historical, occidental oriental, be she Sheba from the Book of Solomon.
The Virgin Mary, immaculately conceived! Ah, what mystery is woman? We're not doing the recorder, Eva.
Her story is history.
Marie Antoinette and the guillotine.
DISCORD PIANO CHORD Barbara Grant eulogises the lighthouse.
Light, light, light That's quite enough of that.
We shall not win the vote through mummery and mime, though, I quite liked your Sheba.
You, pregnant, how many have you? 14.
Tell him to tie a knot in it! Goodness knows what you were talking about! Banbury, what makes you worthy of the silken sash? You, Princess Hoo Ha, what have you got? Well, I have a song of my own composition.
Our own composition.
Well, get on with it.
Up, up, up the women Up, up, up we go Up, up, up the women Chose your side Are you friend or foe? March, march, march for glory March, march join the throng March, march, march for glory Lift your heart and sing a song! Sing it again, faster.
Up, up, up the women Up, up, up we go Up, up, up the women The hair is nice and the song is sweet, I'm not sure about her! It's all very pretty but it's not going to get us the vote.
I'm afraid you do not have what it takes to be a true suffragette.
Yes, she does! Who, who said that? I did! I am her mother and she does have what it takes! What is this? How dare you talk to her like that! You haven't changed at all in 30 years? You always were a Miss Bossy Bossy Big Boots! And you are? Helen Von Heckling.
We were at school together.
No.
We sat next to each other in calligraphy? No.
I was the one who accidentally drunk that ink? No.
The one whose drawers fell down during the lacrosse semifinal in front of Princess Mary? No.
I was the one who had the accident on the pommel horse? No.
Smelly, smelly, Smellen? Smellen Von Smelling? Ahhh! Smellen! Now Emmeline recognises you! Why did you not say? Forgive, forgive.
Touring the country.
So many faces.
What can she do to repair this damage? Please may Emily have a sash? No! This a war, Smellen, not a prize day! We all remember what happened when you stepped on the podium, Smellen? BLOWS RASPBERRY BLOWS RASPBERRY BLOWS RASPBERRY Give her some jam! You are just meany, meany, Emmeliney! You are not fit to lead these good, honest women.
She departs.
Oh, Mrs Pankhurst.
I, I'm sorry that we've failed you.
We did so want to make a good impression.
Gwen made her ten-minute trifle in five.
And Emily and Thomas, they made that song up on the spot.
And, well, Eva and Myrtle and I Well, I'm proud of what we've done and what we've become.
We may not be brave soldiers like you, but sashes or no, in our hearts we are suffragettes, united as one.
Our spirit of militancy comes from a deep and abiding reverence for human life.
Write that last part down, it was quite good.
Now, there's a battalion.
Ezmerelda, fetch the sashes.
Jolly well done! Well done! No, thank you.
I knew there was something about you the moment I read about your attack on the Venus in the Banbury Library.
Oh, no, that wasn't us.
What? No, we marched to the post office with plackets! So you are not the Banbury Free Suffragette Army? No, no, we're the Banbury Intricate Craft Circle Politely Requests Women's Suffrage.
Parthenope, remove the sashes.
Hat! She leaves.
Goodbye! Goodbye.
Thank you so much for coming.
I'm sorry, Margaret! I've ruined everything, haven't I? I shouldn't have said anything.
No, no, Gwen, it's absolutely fine.
No, you did the right thing.
MUSIC: Ride Of The Valkyries by Richard Wagner Peter wanted to play her out as well.
Oh, thank you.
I didn't think much of that Emmeline.
She didn't even pay for our jam.
Well, I managed to obtain payment of a kind.
Emily, this is for you.
But you're not allowed to wear it! Would anyone like some trifle? Oh, yes, wonderful, Gwen.
Purple custard? Oh, yes, that's the, erm, the suffrage, erm Up, up, up the women Up, up, up we go Up, up, up the women Chose your side Are you friend or foe? Thank you, Emily.
March, march, march for glory March, march join the throng March, march, march for glory Lift your heart and sing your song! Nana was a suffragette It's as if she's still alive Nana was a suffragette Their voices still survive Singing, "Votes for women is just the beginning "You haven't seen anything yet" Oh, Nana was a suffragette.
Ah, good afternoon, Thomas.
Welcome to the jam sale.
Yes, unfortunately, I don't have any jam.
But I have made this.
Oh, what is it? Well, it will assist us in showing the donor that every ha'penny counts.
Yes, perhaps we might call it a a visual chart for the calculation of total funds - or some such.
Wonderful idea! How does it work? You ask me how much we have raised thus far, I refer to this and I tell you.
How much have we raised thus far, Thomas? Ummm .
.
nuppence! Goodness.
What a clever thing! Well done! Ooh, am I the first one? No, I believe that would be me and Thomas.
Oh, yes! Oh, no! Oh, I didn't bring any jam.
I am so sorry.
Moderation ate all the gooseberries and then John filled the rest of the jars with tadpoles.
Hello, Margaret, Eva, Master Grisham.
I've brought my jams.
Oh, good.
Shall I talk you through them? Yes, please, Gwen.
Strawberry jam.
Plum jam.
Right, yesthank you, Gwen.
Well done.
I just don't understand jam sales.
What don't you understand, Eva? Well, we're making jam to sell to each other to raise money for ourselves.
Yes.
Why don't we just give the money to ourselves and not bother with the jam business? Oh, Eva! How could you say such a thing? Well, if I asked, Charlie would just give us a guinea.
"Just give us a guinea"! A jam sale is not just a way of raising funds, Eva, it is a bonding, unifying activity - a way of creating passion and interest in our cause.
These jars of jam will cohese our group and galvanise the wider society.
Goodness, Margaret, I had no idea how important my jam was.
If I'd known, I'd have brought my damson.
Can you manage the jam stall, Thomas? Yes, I think so.
Afternoon, ladies, Thomas.
There's a letter for you.
It's got a London postmark.
The return address is WSPU, Caxton Hall, London.
It's from the Women's Social and Political Union! Goodness, Margaret, how exciting! The WSPU! (What's that?) (I'm not sure.
) Emmeline Pankhurst.
Oh, open it, Margaret! Open it! I'm here! I'm here! Apologies for my mild tardiness, we are just returned from luncheon with the Smuths of Sheffield.
Yes, THE Smuths.
Oh, Emily, I love your hair like that! I hate it.
Jonty Smuth was there, of course.
He was quite taken with Emily's recital.
Oh, what did you sing? Some Hildegard of Bingen.
Oh, I adore Hildegard of Bingen! Was it the Canticles Of Ecstasy? Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh No, 11,000 virgins.
Oh, I adore that one, too! Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh So who is this Jonty Smuth? Only Sheffield's most eligible bachelor, heir to the Smuth spoon-manufacturing empire.
Some halfwit she barely knows.
Ah, that takes me back to my courting days.
We are not courting!! Ooh, Emily, Margaret's had a letter from the WW What was it? The Emmeline Pankhurst Society.
Really? Is she coming to your jam sale? Why on Earth would she write to you? Well, after the runaway success of our march on the post office, I wrote to Emmeline Pankhurst - courtesy of the Women's Social and Political Union - informing her of our little Banbury Suffrage Group.
I hoped for nothing more than a perfunctory note of acknowledgement.
I never expected a reply! What did you write? Oh, just a 15-page letter with diagrams and a comical poem about suffragettes.
You wrote a comical poem? Yes, I did.
"Proud To Be A Suffragette".
Want to hear it? Is it long? Ooh, yes, Margaret! Oh, er, let me see if I can remember it.
Um'Proud to be a suffragette! 'We fight to find our rights well met! 'We climb on chairs and stand on soap box, 'We'll never be the ones you out-fox.
'We march and sing from dawn to dusk 'And call to Asquith, "Our vote's a must".
LIGHT APPLAUSE I thought you said it was comical? Yes, perhaps not comical, more light hearted.
It gets funnier later.
How? Oh, well, verse 14 is VERY funny.
Do share.
'You shackled us to our wifely duties, 'Now we're marching in our booties 'To shout to government, "Enough's Enough!" 'You must give in or we'll get rough! 'Although within the bounds of law - 'We're suffragettes! Now hear us roar!' I don't see how that's any funnier.
Well, the booties is funny, isn't it? No.
Oh, do read the reply, Margaret! Oh, erm 'Dear Mrs Unwin" - that's me! - "Mrs Emmeline Pankhurst "thanks you for your letter and has asked me to convey that "though she very much enjoyed your poem, "she felt she should point out it was not, strictly speaking, "comical.
"However, in coincidence with Mrs Pankhurst's impending tour "of Oxfordshire next Wednesday, "our esteemed leader and a small phalanx of her closest lieutenants "would be delighted to attend a rally of your Suffrage Society "with a view to inducting your group "officially into the ranks of the WSPU.
" Oooh," lieutenants".
I don't think they're those types of lieutenants.
More, lady tenants.
Well, any port in a storm.
Emmeline Pankhurst is coming here? Yes.
Next Wednesday.
Oh, goodness.
And she wants to make us one of her! This is so exciting! Don't you get excited, Emily.
Next Wednesday, you'll be visiting the spoon-manufacturing plant at the Sheffield Smuths.
I will not! I knew a Lieutenant in Genoa.
He invited me to his barracks, where he taught me chess, and I would often play late into the night with his privates.
I'll have to spruce up the hall, varnish the floors, fix that wobbly cobble on the path.
Forge a new weathervane, in the shape of Pankhurst's face? Yes, excellent idea, Helen.
Can we do that, Mr Millar? Oh, erI'll talk to Bert.
The colliery band - that's what we need, to lead a welcome parade! Mr Sweet with his euphonium.
He's got the fastest fingers in Banbury.
Ooh, you must introduce me.
Yes! Us, we, all of us Not me.
Not Helen.
.
.
dressed as a living tableau of outstanding women through the ages! You, Gwen, as Joan of Arc.
You, Eva, the Virgin Mary.
And you, Myrtle, Catherine the Great.
Can't I be the Queen of Sheba? Yes, yes, why not? And you, Margaret, as Queen Boadicea.
Or Barbara Grant.
Who's Barbara Grant? She wrote an epoch-defining article on the rules of lighthouse maintenance, in 1864.
She rewrote the rule book on rule books.
Might I be part of this tableau? Well, it's for outstanding women, Thomas, sorry.
Yes, yes, I think I see.
Though, perhaps, I might compose a piece for the colliery band.
I have been toying with some movements in the pentatonic scale.
Quite revolutionary.
Oh, yes, oh, yes! Margaret, if there's going to be music, I could get my little rabbits to do a gymnastics display? They could do their human pyramid? On the bottom you've got Liberty, Charity, Patience, Providence, Prudence.
On top of that, Justina, Earnestina, Constance, Clemence.
On top of that, Chastity, Virginity and Abstinence and on top, Moderation, like a little fat cherry! And where's John? Oh, we just dress him up as a Pharaoh and let him run around.
Oh, such a shame you shan't be here to welcome Emmeline Pankhurst, Helen.
It won't be the same without you.
It's pathetic.
All this fuss just because Goulden Girl is coming to Banbury.
Goulden Girl? Goulden was her maiden name.
We were at school together.
You were at school with Emmeline Pankhurst, the holiest warrior of them all? Why didn't you tell us? Why on earth would I? She was eminently forgettable.
A mousey little thing, plain and stout with a shrill little laugh.
She always had to be best at everything and she would trill around the corridors intoning Carmen in that tinny vibrato of hers.
I barely remember her at all.
She sounds enchanting.
Well, she wasn't.
She couldn't even tie a bow.
Nor can I! She was left-handed.
So am I! And extremely weak at napkin folding.
I also! Oh! Do you think she has many friends? I wonder if she and I might start a correspondence I could perhaps precis my essay on female physiognomy and give it to her and she and I could discuss it at length.
I mean I certainly won't bombard her or monopolise her.
Oh, there's no fear of that.
I imagine she will dislike you intensely.
You are exactly the sort of girl that she would sneer at and pick on! Goodness, really? No!? Did she? Was shea bully?! No, no, no, not that.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Everybody! Oh! What is it, Gwen? Mrs Pankhurst's letter! It's dated the 30th March.
I know for a fact that was a week ago because Mother has her ears syringed that day every year and also it's my birthday.
Let me see! Is it your birthday, Gwen? No, that letter was written a week ago.
She's right.
Mrs Pankhurst is coming today at four o'clock.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Nobody panic! Everybody stay Nobody stay Absolutely calm! Pull yourselves together, she's just another miner's daughter on the make.
Help move the chairs, at least, Helen! Where are you moving them? I don't know! Breathe, Margaret, breathe.
I can't I can't Hands above your head! It's not helping! Hands down.
Thank you, Helen.
Not at all.
All will be well.
All will be well.
There goes our tableau.
No, no, Myrtle, it will go ahead - merely abridged! We may have to lose some outstanding women, but the message will shine through.
Shall I see if any of the marching band boys are about now? I can make my ten-minute trifle, it only takes ten minutes.
Yes, I'll make it in the colours of suffragism! Excellent.
What are they? Purple, white and green.
What about the costumes for the tableau? I shall cohese and galvanise, Margaret.
All we need are sheets and ivy! Well done, Gwen! Excellent! Oh.
I haven't any ivy or sheets.
We do! We have a whole bundle of old linen we were taking to the workhouse, don't we, Mother? I'll go and get it.
I can come and help you! No, you will not! I shall fetch them.
Thank you, Helen.
I'll get my trifle started.
Emily, wait in the kitchen with Gwen! I will need an exotic haunting intro and a veil I can play this.
Perhaps you could play The Arrival Of The Queen Of Sheba by Handel! Do you know it? I think so.
MUSIC: London's Burning Yes, perhaps try just slower and more hauntingly.
PLAYS VERY SLOWLY I like your hair, Emily! I hate it! I can't bear that I shall meet Emmeline Pankhurst looking like a trussed up chicken.
Why must women slavishly adorn themselves like painted mannequins? May I help you? Oh, yes, please.
Could you two crumble the sponge? I know you've got your best frock on, Emily, but I'm in such a rush! I'm adding a drop of lavender food colouring into the suffrage custard.
How clever of you, Gwen! This crumbly sponge is like the merciless sand dunes of an endless desert betwixt me and the ocean of Purple custard! Ready for pouring! Thomas, we're in need of your musical prowess! Excuse me, Gwen, Miss Emily.
Are you excited about singing for Mrs Pankhurst, Emily? I do hope she likes my trifle.
I hate Mother.
Oh, Emily, you shouldn't say such a thing! Why? It's true! She's horrible! Beastly.
Look at this stupid hair, shoving me at squinty faced boys who make jokes about poor people.
Oh, Emily, if only you knew how lucky you were, the whole world ahead of you.
Suitors lining up left, right and centre, a wedding bed, children.
Those are the things dreams are made of.
Not my dreams, Gwen.
Not mine.
I had one proposal from Kenneth Hillingdon.
There's not a day goes by that I don't re-live that moment.
Him holding up a dandelion to me, down on one knee by the dung heap.
Why did you refuse him? He was a bit, not quite right in the head and he had a very protuberant Adam's apple and halitosis.
But Mother disapproved, so Emily! What have you done? Goodness! Emily! Are you quite all right? Emily, you're naked! I'm sorry, Miss Emily, you're undressed.
I want to meet Emmeline as I am.
I am wearing my hair down like this because I believe that the hair bun is women's iron mask.
Is it? Uncover your eyes, Thomas.
It's only hair.
But will I compromise your sweet virtue? The hair bun is a mocking helmet of harnessed power and freedom.
Is it? I had no idea! I'm back, I'm back.
Emily! What on earth do you think you're doing?! It's my hair.
No it is not! It belongs to me and Jesus! I am wearing my hair as nature and God intended me to.
I always thought that God preferred us to wear our hair in buns.
He most certainly does.
Did the Virgin Mary wear her hair in a bun? No, but I do think she had a fringe.
No, the Virgin Mary did not have a fringe, Gwen.
Well you can't see it but it's definitely there.
Fringes weren't invented then.
Margaret would know.
Margaret, when were fringes invented? No-one invented the fringe, Gwen, but Joan of Arc most certainly made them popular.
The Virgin Mary did not have a fringe, nor did she walk around with her hair billowing in the fornicacious wind.
Put it up at once! It's the fashion! Very much a la mode in bohemian Chelsea.
I think she looks beautiful.
Like a Rossetti heroine glowing and warm from a bed of sin.
Some of us are capable of enduring duty in the exaltation of our ideals, Mother.
Oh, get off the cross, Helen! We need the wood! Emily! We are leaving right now! I got as much of the band as I could.
Everyone except the horn section, and the cymbals, the euphonium, the cornets and the tuba.
So Two tenor trombones.
Only, one of them doesn't think women should have votes.
So, it's just the one - trombone.
Well done, Frank! The thing is, Mrs Unwin, she's here! Mrs Pankhurst is coming up the drive! Oh, goodness, she was always early! Oh, good Lord.
Quick! Quick! Gwen, get the trifle.
Get the trifle, Gwen! Actually, no, no.
There's no time.
No time, no time.
Battalion, troops, troops, troops.
Everyone in line.
Everyone in line! Should I, erm? Mrs Emmeline Pankhurst, it is a pleasure and an honour to have you at our humble Ah, welcome! Welcome to Emmeline! Emmeline Pankhurst.
Who are you? I am Mrs Margaret Unwin, founder of the Banbury Oh, yes, yes, Emmeline knows about you, you wrote her a letter.
She read about you.
Um, sorry are you not? Yes, she is here.
Emmeline is I.
Oh, Mrs Pankhurst, words cannot express Well, they're all you've got, so you'd better get on with it.
Emmeline is on a tight schedule.
She must be in Upper Slaughter by night fall.
Yes, yes, she is here to inspect your battalion to see if you are worthy of these hand-stitched 100% grosgrain silk sashes bearing the insignia of Votes For Women.
Don't touch! Sorry erm, Mrs, erm.
Oh, jam! Put it in the sack with the others.
(Gwen.
) Oh, sorry, Margaret, I'm so nervous, I forgot.
It's fine.
It will be fine.
I'm extremely humbled by your response to my letter, Mrs Pankhurst.
I very much hope that we can walk with, beside, slightly behind, on your long, lonely march to female emancipation.
How often one yearns for the quick and easy badinage of like-minded gentlewomen I, too, am left-handed and struggle with a bow.
Napkins are my nemesis! Emmeline is only going to say this once.
Less of this Sit! Assemble! She begins with a speech.
They have told us that government rests upon force.
The women haven't force, so they must submit.
Well, we are showing them that government does not rest upon force at all, it rests upon consent.
So long as women consent to be unjustly governed, they can be, but directly women say, "We withhold our consent to be governed, "we will not be governed any longer so long as that government is unjust.
" Not by the forces of civil war can you govern the very weakest woman.
You can kill that woman.
But she escapes you then.
You cannot govern her.
No power on earth can govern a human being, however feeble .
.
who withholds his or her consent.
Freedom or death! Freedom, please.
I've made you some trifle, Mrs Pankhurst, in the colours of suffragism.
Trifle, eh? Purple custard? That's the suffra-gism! COUGHING Next! Since the dawn of time, when Eve stepped from Adam's rib, or probably not, er, heliotrope spinning molluscs spawned chimpanzee spawned shemen, history has been peppered with an astounding array of outstanding women, be she Biblical, historical, occidental oriental, be she Sheba from the Book of Solomon.
The Virgin Mary, immaculately conceived! Ah, what mystery is woman? We're not doing the recorder, Eva.
Her story is history.
Marie Antoinette and the guillotine.
DISCORD PIANO CHORD Barbara Grant eulogises the lighthouse.
Light, light, light That's quite enough of that.
We shall not win the vote through mummery and mime, though, I quite liked your Sheba.
You, pregnant, how many have you? 14.
Tell him to tie a knot in it! Goodness knows what you were talking about! Banbury, what makes you worthy of the silken sash? You, Princess Hoo Ha, what have you got? Well, I have a song of my own composition.
Our own composition.
Well, get on with it.
Up, up, up the women Up, up, up we go Up, up, up the women Chose your side Are you friend or foe? March, march, march for glory March, march join the throng March, march, march for glory Lift your heart and sing a song! Sing it again, faster.
Up, up, up the women Up, up, up we go Up, up, up the women The hair is nice and the song is sweet, I'm not sure about her! It's all very pretty but it's not going to get us the vote.
I'm afraid you do not have what it takes to be a true suffragette.
Yes, she does! Who, who said that? I did! I am her mother and she does have what it takes! What is this? How dare you talk to her like that! You haven't changed at all in 30 years? You always were a Miss Bossy Bossy Big Boots! And you are? Helen Von Heckling.
We were at school together.
No.
We sat next to each other in calligraphy? No.
I was the one who accidentally drunk that ink? No.
The one whose drawers fell down during the lacrosse semifinal in front of Princess Mary? No.
I was the one who had the accident on the pommel horse? No.
Smelly, smelly, Smellen? Smellen Von Smelling? Ahhh! Smellen! Now Emmeline recognises you! Why did you not say? Forgive, forgive.
Touring the country.
So many faces.
What can she do to repair this damage? Please may Emily have a sash? No! This a war, Smellen, not a prize day! We all remember what happened when you stepped on the podium, Smellen? BLOWS RASPBERRY BLOWS RASPBERRY BLOWS RASPBERRY Give her some jam! You are just meany, meany, Emmeliney! You are not fit to lead these good, honest women.
She departs.
Oh, Mrs Pankhurst.
I, I'm sorry that we've failed you.
We did so want to make a good impression.
Gwen made her ten-minute trifle in five.
And Emily and Thomas, they made that song up on the spot.
And, well, Eva and Myrtle and I Well, I'm proud of what we've done and what we've become.
We may not be brave soldiers like you, but sashes or no, in our hearts we are suffragettes, united as one.
Our spirit of militancy comes from a deep and abiding reverence for human life.
Write that last part down, it was quite good.
Now, there's a battalion.
Ezmerelda, fetch the sashes.
Jolly well done! Well done! No, thank you.
I knew there was something about you the moment I read about your attack on the Venus in the Banbury Library.
Oh, no, that wasn't us.
What? No, we marched to the post office with plackets! So you are not the Banbury Free Suffragette Army? No, no, we're the Banbury Intricate Craft Circle Politely Requests Women's Suffrage.
Parthenope, remove the sashes.
Hat! She leaves.
Goodbye! Goodbye.
Thank you so much for coming.
I'm sorry, Margaret! I've ruined everything, haven't I? I shouldn't have said anything.
No, no, Gwen, it's absolutely fine.
No, you did the right thing.
MUSIC: Ride Of The Valkyries by Richard Wagner Peter wanted to play her out as well.
Oh, thank you.
I didn't think much of that Emmeline.
She didn't even pay for our jam.
Well, I managed to obtain payment of a kind.
Emily, this is for you.
But you're not allowed to wear it! Would anyone like some trifle? Oh, yes, wonderful, Gwen.
Purple custard? Oh, yes, that's the, erm, the suffrage, erm Up, up, up the women Up, up, up we go Up, up, up the women Chose your side Are you friend or foe? Thank you, Emily.
March, march, march for glory March, march join the throng March, march, march for glory Lift your heart and sing your song! Nana was a suffragette It's as if she's still alive Nana was a suffragette Their voices still survive Singing, "Votes for women is just the beginning "You haven't seen anything yet" Oh, Nana was a suffragette.