Victorious s01e03 Episode Script

french toast.
One time when I was eating French toast at a restaurant, I started laughing, And then I started choking.
So the lady who ran The restaurant made me leave.
So let's hear your horn.
Yeah, play that funky music, White girl.
You know, I'm halalf latina.
Then hit it, moochacha.
I think it's broken.
Here, let me fix it.
It's not broken.
Beck, Beck, hey, you guys! Leave him alone! Oh, get off What are you doing? Get off of me! Who is this chick?! Relax, relax, relax.
Yo, yo, come on! What are you doing? That guy was beating up Beck.
Oh, you poor thing.
We were practicing.
This is Russ.
I'm Russ.
He's a professional stuntman.
I invited him here To teach the class About stage fighting.
And now, Tori says, "What's stage fighting?" I wasn't gonna say that.
What is it? Fake fighting That looks real, Like for a play or a movie.
I took a class With him last summer.
Well, it looked Like he was hurting you.
Why do you care? 'Cause I figure, he already Suffers enough pain dating you.
You wanna see pain? Hey, why don't we go Sit over there? Why does she hate me? Maybe she heard you play The french horn.
Now, if I throw a punch At Cat, like this it's easy to see That my fist didn't connect With her face.
Thank you.
But if we stage it From a different angle, then Like I showed you? Sound effect, ready? All set.
To the audience or camera, It'll look like this.
I'm okay, everyone.
All right, I'm gonna pair You guys up, And each team will work With Russ this week To prepare a fight scene.
I thought his name was Steve.
He does look like a Steve.
My name is Russ.
Okay, and on friday, You will all perform Your fight scenes here In front of the class.
Now, the pairs will be: Beck and Cat, Andre and Gwen, Darren and Jess, Tori and Jade.
Tori and who? Uh, wait, I'm not comfortable With my partner.
Just a sec.
Hey, partner.
I can't wait For our fightscene.
Gulp.
Status report! Status report! Will you please read The next line? I don't wanna help You rehearse.
I made you oatmeal This morning.
I wanted a steak sandwich.
Okay, auditioning next Are Trina Vega And robbie shapiro.
Oh, no, no, no! The puppet guy? Excuse me.
Could I please audition With someone else? You know, You can whisper that.
It's just an audition.
But Leave the puppet.
Hey, it's cool.
Just set me down Next to the hot blonde.
Wait up.
Walk faster.
I'll walk faster.
All right.
It's World War II, 1944.
You're in a submarine, In the atlantic ocean, And you're probably gonna die.
Action.
Oh, my God, lieutenant, Status report.
We've been hit On the port side, captain, Our engines are failing.
Torpedoes? None left.
Oye.
How deep are we? We're gonna have To go deeper.
But we'll, I'm-plode! Implode.
But we'll implode! Listen, I'd rather die Down here than live up there, Captured by the enemy.
I don't know If you are brave or insane.
Hey, stop it.
You're a soldier.
I'm also a woman Who loves you.
That was fantastic! Ah, that's not your line.
It's not my line.
Actually, that was great, You guys.
Really? 'Cause if you thought I was great with him, Just imagine me With a good actor.
Huh, I'll do that.
Bring in the next two.
Robbie.
Scene.
Look at her.
Who? Jade, I guarantee you She's telling Beck All about how She's gonna punch me When we do our scene.
I wonder If mirrors work in outer space.
I mean, what am I gonna do If she really hits me? Bleed, burst into tears.
I'm serious.
It's stage fighting.
No one really hits anybody.
Yeah, but accidents happen, And what if she makes An accident happen on purpose? You know, the word mirror Has only six letters And half of them are rs? Haven't you and Jade Been rehearsing? Yeah, yesterday, after school And this morning, During study hall.
And did she hit you for real? No, 'cause she probably wants To wait and do it In front of the whole class To humiliate me.
Well, if she does, She loses half a letter grade.
Oh, great! So she gets an "a minus" And I get a broken eye And a black nose.
I think you meant I know what I meant.
My dog has a black nose.
It's so cute.
It's like a baby meatball.
Meatballs are brown.
You're so mean to me! You want half a sandwich? Hey, baby sister.
Andy.
Andre.
Wanna sit with us? No.
What's up, a-listers? What's up? No, no, man, They're gonna take my pants! Hey, hey, Trina! Excuse me, move, please, go now.
Wait, wait, wait, don'tgo.
I'm not with Why are you sitting here? I don't know, just hanging.
I hope that was soy milk.
What's the matter with you? If I drink regular milk, Then the gas builds up And up and up, and I Why did you kiss me?! Oh, because we Like each other.
We what? The audition scene, That kiss.
Robbie, I was playing a part.
The script said That my character Kisses your character.
So that's what happened.
That's all that happened.
Would you be willing To convert to judaism? Wow, you've got problems.
It's not a deal breaker, But Rex! All right, who took his pants?! I'll call you.
Yes, don't.
I'm not in love With your mother.
Don't! And scene.
Next up, we have Tori and Jade.
Okay, for our scene, I'm gonna be playing an old lady Who's walking home From a bingo game.
And I play a brutal mugger.
Yes, a brutal mugger Who mugs me Without actually hurting me.
Okay, as always, be careful, And if anything goes wrong, Just yell the safe word, Which isbutternut.
Okay, guys, ready? And Butternut.
What.
Tori, what's the problem? I was testing the safe word.
It works.
Okay, I'm ready.
Andaction.
Oh, I certainly did Enjoy the bingo, Although I do miss bob hope.
Give me your money.
What?! I ain't playing? Give me your money And your watch.
Oh, wouldn't you rather Have this? Butternut! She's bleeding.
Cut.
Let me see, let me see.
Are you okay? No, Tori hit me In the face for real.
No, I didn't.
Tell that to my bloody eye.
All right, You better sit down.
Somebody grab a chair.
Yeah quickly, get a chair.
Beck, get a chair.
Here, here, here.
Yeah, there we go.
Just sit down.
That was a breakaway chair.
Aw, butternut! It hurts? Why did you hit Jade In the face with a cane? I didn't! Okay, I believe you.
Don't hit me.
Will you back me up here? Okay, look, I'm sure Tori Didn't mean to whack Jade In the face with the cane.
Oh, why does everyone Think I hit her? Well, we were watching You guys do a scene.
You hit her across the face With your cane.
She fell down.
And now, her eye's All bloody.
Well, that doesn't mean I hit her? I kinda think it does.
Jade, you know I didn't hit you.
I swung, but I missed.
Look, Tori Hey, we gotta get her To the nurse.
But I didn't hit her.
Can someone call my mom? I'll call your mom.
She doesn't need her mom.
Don't bother her mom! I gotta call her mom.
And I thought we were just Starting to be friends.
But I didn't No, no, I didn't get the role.
I don't know.
Probably 'cause I'm too pretty To be on a submarine.
Yes, I am.
Shut up.
One sec.
Oh, my God! Do you like stuffed cabbage? My mom made this, And if you have A couple of extra forks, I thought maybe I don't like you.
Yeah, you can say that But I know how I felt.
There is no way That you can kiss me like that And not feel the So you're just gonna Close the doorand lock it.
And then turn off The porch light? Oh, hey, Tori! Have a seat.
You look a little worried? Yeaeah, well, it's not fun Getting called into The guidance counselor's office? You're not in trouble.
I'm here to help you With your violence issues.
I'm not violent.
I believe you.
Then why is he here? Tori, I know that Jade Probably isn't Your favorite person.
So? So in life, just because We may not like someone, That doesn't mean It's okay to beat 'em With a cane.
Oh, relax, Derrick.
I did not hit Jade With that cane.
Then how do you explain Her black eye? I don't know.
I'm just getting water.
Listen, you were under A lot of stress And you were worried That Jade was gonna hit you, Right? Well, yeah.
So you were afraid.
Your adrenaline was pumping, And maybe in the heat Of the moment, you swung on Jade With that cane for real.
Maybe Maybe.
I guess it's possible.
Derrick! Now, don't you feel better Admitting that you hit Jade? If I say, yes, can I go? Sure.
Okay, fine, then, yes.
Wait, aren't you gonna Punish her? Don't hit him.
I wasn't gonna.
Can you just tell me My punishment? Two weeks of detention.
And And? On friday night, The middle school's doing a play Here in the black box theatre.
It ends with a big Food fight scene.
So, you have to clean The theatre after the show.
You know, scrape the food Off the walls.
I'd have said Three weeks detention.
I'll pull it.
Hey, how ya feeling? My eye hurts.
Oh, yeah, which one? Cute.
I want coffee.
What's the magic word? Get me some coffee Please.
Actually, the magic word Was lotion.
But I'll accept your "please," 'Cause you got a boo-Boo eye.
Two sugars.
I know what to do.
Come on.
Go out with me On saturday night.
I've already got plans.
Sunday night? You make me sick.
Monday? Wednesday? Oh, she's getting up.
Trina, hey, wait, Baby! What's the matter? Trina's in denial.
Ah, you're still on that? Trina loves me.
It was a stage kiss.
She was acting.
You didn't feel the kiss.
A girl can't fake That kind of heat.
I don't care if she tells me A thousand times That it didn't mean anything See.
I want you to meet My parents.
There she is.
You guys, You're so dead.
Oh, my God, Jade! I'm so sorry, please don't Destroy me socially, I didn't mean to.
Just forget it.
Oh hey, Jade! Can't no.
Jade, wait up, wait up.
Jade, what?! Oh, what's wrong With your eye? Tori hit me with a cane, Remember? Yeah, but never seen A black eye drip before.
This is make-up.
Tori never hit you, did she? Fake black eye, fake blood.
Look, you cannot tell Anyone about this, Especially Tori.
I won't.
Tori! Shut up, Andre! Tori, where are you? Will you please stop? Anybody seen Tori? Nobody bother Tori.
False alarm.
He ate a bad taco.
Is that mac 'n' cheese? Who cares! Just wanted to know If it was mac 'n' cheese.
I don't get it.
What? I know Andre told you That I faked everything: The blood, the black eye.
What is that, mac 'n' cheese? Looks like it, right? Why are you here? Why didn't you tell on me? 'Cause we both Go to school here And it's not gonna be much fun For either one of us If we're fighting all the time.
So, you're just gonna let Me get away with it.
You took detention And a lower grade And you're scraping Crusty pudding off the wall On a friday night, Just so I won't get in trouble? Pretty much.
Well, you can't be Nice to me When I've been mean to you.
That's not how it works.
Well, then, Try being nice to me sometime.
Maybe that will work.
Now, go play.
I gotta scrape this Onion dip off the wall Or onion pus This might be more fun With some tunes.
Hey, D, Come scrape with us.
This is fun.
Here, try it with two.
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