Wellmania (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪
Look at me, look at me, look at me
Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪
I build a vibe that'll last ♪
I don't never turn to plastic ♪
I'm on a mission with passion ♪
Got me driving me all batshit ♪
Bitch, I'm sick
When you act Slick Rick ♪
With the whip Fendi fashion ♪
Bitch, don't pretend when I'm lashin' ♪
'Cause I never live in the past tense ♪
Oi, Liv, do you want
this fancy New York gig or what?
Stop ogling the spin class and get
your glutes downstairs. We're starting.
But I wanna be in there.
They're all so pretty.
You have to walk
before you can run. Well, spin.
It doesn't look that hard.
They're not even sweating.
Uh, it takes a lot of work
to make that look easy.
You know, that consulate doctor,
she'd have a wide-on
for their resting heart rates.
Anyone who can survive that class
could pass a physical, no question.
That's what I need to do.
I need to get through
one of their classes, even if it kills me.
It literally might.
Come on, let's chase that burn!
Let's do it.
Actually, just kill me now.
You can call me the good-time girl ♪
Nearly there. Nice one, guys.
I can't believe how horny I am.
I remember my forties and my fifties.
You know neither of you are
under any obligation to share this, right?
Okay, and mountain climbers, guys.
Drop down.
- Who climbs a mountain like that?
- Come on.
I used to be cool. Now I'm reduced
to fitness for the physically faulty.
- Oi.
- No offense.
Very much offensive.
All right, back to lunges, guys.
I had a double hip replacement.
Now look at this range of motion.
I'm a recovering insomniac,
and Gaz helped me more than he'll know.
I got hit by a drunk driver.
I didn't know
if I'd be able to walk again.
Oh, well, now I feel like a dickhead.
All right, and side lunges.
Take it nice and steady there, okay?
This is hard.
You're all doing great.
Drop it down into squats for me.
Your positivity is very unsettling.
Great. Now here, take this.
Now, I've synced it to all my devices.
It'll help me to monitor your vitals
and track your progress.
There we go. I'll also need you
to log your food intake
and your menstrual cycle.
Creepy much?
Oh, don't worry,
there'll be plenty more rules.
Oh, I just got my period.
So no refined sugars, no saturated fats,
less meat, and more legumes.
Mmm.
- Reckon you can do it?
- Yes.
This will be a delicious piece of cake
I cannot eat.
Plus, no ciggies and only the recommended
weekly alcohol intake.
- Which is what?
- Four.
Bottles?
Standard drinks. Holy shit.
Fuck that. Who has four drinks a week?
Uh, you do, from now on.
Thank God cocaine has zero calories.
Oh, I'm kidding.
Hey.
This adductor tear
is really giving me grief.
- I don't know what an adductor tear is.
- It's a groin injury.
Oh, I'm more than happy to lend a hand.
- Yeah, I think he was talking to me.
- That makes much more sense.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Good job.
- I appreciate the offer.
- Yeah.
You know I need those truffles.
Holy shit. That's Gabriel Wolf.
- Who?
- New York's hottest chef.
Well, he used to be.
It's a long story. Why is he here?
No idea. Pops in every week or so.
Tips with these incredible
homemade vegan muffins.
What? Did you say vegan?
Mm-hmm.
So you're telling me New York's
king of meat is on the tofu train?
Yeah. And supposedly, he's competing
in the famous Sydney Duck Crawl
with a vegan dish.
Vegan?
- You have to go to his restaurant.
- There's a slight hiccup.
He hasn't announced
which one he's cooking at.
So go to all of them.
Even better,
do a review on the Duck Crawl.
There's ten restaurants.
That's a lot of duck.
And I'm kind of on this health kick thing
The guy who sent a severed pig's head
to PETA has turned his back on meat?
Everyone in New York wants to know why.
- Do you reckon it'll blow up?
- His restaurant has a six-month wait list.
He shut shop, no explanation.
It'll be devoured.
If you can't be here in New York,
selling yourself,
this is the next best thing.
Go get your duck on.
Hey, Liv.
Make sure you log that juice, yeah?
I'll be watching.
Absolutely.
- Here, you guys.
- No one likes you.
Dude, we're trying
to have a nice dinner here.
What are you doing?
It looks like you're jerking off a ghost.
I've got to get my daily steps in.
Okay. I think you actually have
to do the steps for it to count.
Ooh.
- Ugh. Well, that's a dead bird.
- It does look amazing.
Sorry, excuse me.
Do you have a vegan option?
Something off the menu that only people
in the know might know about?
No, sorry.
This is so good.
I'll just have a little bit for work.
God. Gaz's reminders are relentless.
And he's on board with you
gobbling down a bunch of dirty bird?
Fuck no. But he's not gonna find out,
because I'm gonna fudge my food log
and double my movement targets.
Sounds foolproof.
- So my whistleblower story
- Mmm?
got mentioned in the House of Reps today.
You sneaky little minx.
- We've got to get a bottle to celebrate.
- What? I thought you weren't drinking.
- I can have four. Shush. Excuse me?
- Hello.
Mmm-mmm.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Um, we need something new.
Something mind-blowingly good.
See, my excellent friend Amy here
just nailed a corrupt senator's arse
to the wall,
and I'm mourning being
on the arse-end side of the world.
- It's not a big deal.
- It sounds like a big deal.
Yeah, it's huge,
but she's just annoyingly modest
for someone so perfect.
- Do you have a wine rec for that?
- Yeah, I think I do. Yeah.
Uh, red or white?
- Uh, red. I like a blend.
- Ah! A woman of good taste.
- Yeah, well, I like to be surprised.
- Of course.
Something, um, bold, then?
Not too sweet.
Yeah.
Definitely complex, right?
- Smooth, like velvet.
- I think I've got the perfect thing.
Thanks.
That was hot.
And, like, the most action
I've had in about nine days.
I think Doug and I
missed last month's maintenance root.
- Is that as mechanical as it sounds?
- Meh, gotta keep the wheels greased.
Right, so marriage is just less sex
and more male pubes in the shower.
- Why did you do it, again?
- Save on streaming services?
No wonder you're so tightly wound.
Come on, you've gotta get the D in the V.
I'm getting what I need.
Intimacy is more than sex.
Doug and I are fine.
I love you,
but I insist you revisit coming.
It is so good.
- Did I tell you about the guy at the gym?
- Yeah.
He's got a groin injury.
But you're gonna have sex with him anyway?
Well, Gaz did say I need to get
my heart rate up more regularly.
Ew, please do not log your sex marathons
in your brother's Fitbit. Ew.
Uh, who'd like to taste?
Yeah, you can just pour a glass
right here. Thank you.
Hmm.
You can just keep going, that's fine.
It's my fourth and final drink, okay?
Yeah. Sure. Thanks.
Thank you.
No worries.
Thanks.
Honey, I'm wearing
your favorite T-shirt and nothing else.
Babe. Babe, wake up.
- Hmm?
- Babe?
Turn over.
Oh, okay.
Night night.
Oh.
Hey, Mum, what's up?
You drank all my almond milk.
Oh, sorry.
- Can you bring home some wine as well?
- Sure.
- And toilet paper.
- Uh, anything else?
No, just the almond milk,
wine, and toilet paper.
Oh, that's grim.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So you back in the gym?
- You must've worn Gaz out.
- Yeah, I have that effect on people.
You're lucky. He's a great trainer.
- Everyone around here loves him.
- He wet the bed till he was nine.
So, what's your story, Isaac, huh?
You married?
Uh, I was.
- Dating?
- I was, yeah.
And now?
Not so much.
On that mysterious note,
see you around?
Yeah. Uh, I'm still trying
to iron out this groin injury,
so I'll probably, uh,
catch you in the class tomorrow.
Ah, yeah, the big groin injury.
Oh, like The
The injury is big.
I'm I'm not saying that your
Prob You probably
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
Okay, I think I like natural cotton,
but Dalbert mentioned leather,
so now I'm not sure.
- What do you think?
- Totally.
- You're not even listening.
- Totally.
Give it back, dickhead.
I'm working on an important story.
Oh, is it about me?
Yep. Yeah.
It's titled "Woman Strangles
Little Brother to Death
while Shopping for Boring Shit."
You said you'd help with wedding stuff.
- Does it really matter which one you pick?
- It matters to Dalbert.
He wants our big day to be perfect.
Okay.
This one.
Obvious choice.
If Dally doesn't like it, he can suck it.
Do you think he won't like it?
Oh, my God, you are killing me.
Well, your steps are lagging
for the second day in a row.
Fine.
Let's do another lap while we dive
into the riveting world of place cards.
Yeah? You love a place card.
- You're a dickhead.
- Get some calligraphy pens.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, I'm after some wine,
and I really enjoyed your recommendations.
Sure.
It's, um, Amy, right?
Yeah.
Uh, what are you looking for?
Uh
Something a little adventurous?
Okay.
This is an excellent Spanish red.
It's powerful, expressive,
and a little bit spicy.
- Ooh. Yeah, I'm definitely feeling that.
- Would you like a glass?
Hello, Mum? Mum?
Mother?
Where are you?
What's going on?
What happened to the Lorraine
we all know and love?
She died, along with her career.
Oh, you stopped it
at the best part of the journey!
Mum, I know it sucks
that you lost your job,
but you cannot sit here forever.
What do you suggest I do, Olivia?
The chef's masterpiece.
- Enjoy.
- Sorry, excuse me.
Do you know
if this is vegan by any chance?
Uh, no, this is
a deconstructed duck à l'orange.
It's a breast mousse
with a suspended crispy skin.
There's powdered white wine,
coriander caviar,
the essence of carrot foam base,
so not vegan.
Thanks.
- Oh, man.
- It looks scary.
Said the woman who gave birth to
her second child in the back of a Tarago.
That's what it reminds me of,
a mucus plug.
Oh, do you know what I love?
A duck with a side of mucus plug.
Now, you need to eat it
and tell me what it's like for my review.
- That's not ethical.
- Oh, come on, Mum.
Gaz is on my case about eating clean,
and it might be another eight restaurants
until I find Gabriel.
Valerie's counting on me.
- Please just put it in your mouth.
- No. I know I'll hate it already.
Really, Mum?
Don't you ever wanna do
anything adventurous?
Well, Pete and Susie from up the road
hiked Machu Picchu last year.
Well, there you go. You can do that.
No.
I I'd probably get altitude sickness
or break a limb
or get spat on by a llama.
Or it could be incredible.
You will never find out
unless you try something new.
So, please,
eat the goddamn deconstructed duck.
Okay. Okay.
- Well?
- Mmm.
It's like there's a Bublé concert
in my mouth.
- Well, now I need to try some.
- Mmm!
Oh! I need to just have a little bit.
It's for the story. Shh.
What I really want
more than anything is my job back.
Well, go and get it.
No. No, that's not something
I can just do.
You didn't think you could eat duck,
and you just did.
- Hi!
- Hey.
Feel like a spicy Spanish red?
It's so good I bought two bottles.
Hang on a sec. I'm playing chess
against this kid in Scotland
who's just stolen my rook, so, yeah.
Okay. I think I'll have a bath.
I served you faithfully for 25 years.
This was more than a job for me.
Mary! What is it?
Oh, nothing.
I just really wanna watch this.
Jeffery, we were like family.
You were there when Graham died.
You saw my kids grow up.
I put myself into this practice,
and I deserve better.
I agree.
Things don't work around here without you.
I want you to come back.
We both do. Desperately.
Oh, that's That's exactly what I wanted.
Good!
Then we can put all of this behind us,
and things can go back
to the way they were.
Nothing needs to change.
Keep going. Five more reps.
You'll have to step it up a notch, Liv,
if you wanna make spin class on Friday.
- Shut up.
- Okay, it's your green card.
My, uh, big groin injury is all good.
I'll be back in that class too.
Yeah, well,
don't rush that big groin recovery
just because you're trying to stalk me.
If I catch a Beemer
in the rearview mirror,
I'll know it's you.
I drive a Prius, but flattered.
Of course you do.
That's perfect for a stalker.
- Really?
- Quiet.
Right. It's great mileage too.
Could stalk you for days.
Hey, um, you should use
some of that mileage
and come and have
a duck dinner with me tonight.
- Duck dinner?
- Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
Liv, your vitals are marginally better.
Hell yeah, they are.
Hear that?
- Yeah. Congratulations.
- I'm an athlete.
Okay, now, see, this is a great breakfast.
Very high in antioxidants.
It doesn't taste like balls.
You're not entirely terrible at your job.
Aw, and you're
not entirely terrible as a client.
- Hello!
- Hi.
- Mama's home.
- "Mama"?
- Are you having a hot flash?
- I'm celebrating.
- You got your job back?
- Even better.
- I'm retiring.
- Wait. Hang on.
- I feel like I missed something here.
- Shh.
I convinced Dr. Price
to let me end my career on my own terms.
He agreed to do the same,
so we're both retiring.
- And that's what you want?
- It's time for a change.
- Something new.
- Machu Picchu.
Uh, not yet.
But maybe a train trip to Perth.
Oh, baby steps.
- Well, let's celebrate with some mimosas.
- Yes.
- Oh, wait. Mumosas.
- No.
Hard pass on that pun, but yes
to celebrating my excellent vitals.
You can have one unit.
- You're a unit.
- Your face is a unit.
- Your mum's face is a unit.
- It's the same
Oh, stop it, you two. You're both units.
- Lorraine, yes.
- That's good. To Mum.
To Mum.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh!
- Get glasses. Get the glasses.
- What are you doing?
- What? Make sure she doesn't drink
- Get glasses. Get the glasses!
Thank you. Thank you.
You like apples? Well, I significantly
lowered my blood pressure.
How do you like them apples?
Christ.
It's a classic. Can't believe
you don't know Good Will Hunting.
Remind me to write
a list of movies you need to watch.
Please don't.
- Would you like to eat duck together?
- I don't even wanna see you.
Why exactly are you here?
Because I'm doing it.
I'm on track to pass my medical.
I haven't partied in two days,
and today, finally,
my blood pressure was mwah.
Okay. It takes consistency
to make real change.
- You're being a bit of a bummer.
- Then I'm not communicating clearly.
You are no closer
to passing your medical.
Wow.
But I have to be.
I'm booked in for a spin class.
If I can survive that, I'll pass.
Let's take a look.
Remind me,
how old was your father
when he had his heart attack?
Um
Forty?
Hmm. That's young. Was he healthy?
Yeah. He swam all the time.
And what were the circumstances
of the heart attack?
What happened?
I don't know why we're discussing my dad.
We're here about my visa.
- Your heart's racing.
- Yeah, I feel weird.
Lie back. Okay. Put your legs up.
That's it. Pop up.
I know this doesn't seem okay,
but I really need to get back to New York.
I'm out of time.
You're putting
too much pressure on yourself.
We having a moment?
You're my most annoying patient.
We could rule the world ♪
If we could rule the world ♪
What would you say right now?
What would you do right now? ♪
Yeah. When I went to New York,
things started to fall in place for me.
I fit there in a way
that I don't fit here.
Right. I mean, it sounds like
that TV gig's a bit of a big deal.
Yeah, it is.
- Yeah.
- It's But there's already more pressure.
My boss wants me to be more visible,
like more of a personality, so
- Wow.
- Mmm.
Be careful of that.
Fame can be a hell of a drug.
Yeah. I'm not interested
in that stuff at all.
It's the food for me.
Hmm.
- All right, Liv Healy.
- Hmm?
- What's your favorite meal?
- Mum's lamb chops.
- Oh, come on.
- No.
I know it's cheesy, but they're nostalgic.
Okay, I'll let you have that one.
What do you think of this duck?
- Oh, you want my review?
- Yeah, go on. Give it to me.
Okay.
It's tender.
The crispy skin
dissolves on your tongue perfectly,
while the sexy, complex heat
of the cayenne and habanero
linger like a lover's kiss.
But what I love most about it
is it's not pretending to be
anything other than what it is:
really great food.
Okay. That's what it's like
watching a food genius at work, huh?
All right, take it down a notch. But yes.
Oh, God, screaming
to be paired with an earthy red.
- Should we just get a bottle?
- Uh
I guess now is the perfect time for me
to tell you that I'm actually in NA.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
I've, uh, had my fun
with some prescription meds.
I'm seven months sober now, but, you know.
So for me that means
no drugs, no alcohol, no sex.
You're celibate?
Mmm.
Fuck me.
Unfortunately not.
Ah.
Good for you, but I could not do it.
I can't give up anything.
Life's too short.
- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.
I just feel like
if you can't deny yourself of anything,
then you just end up
with a compromised version of everything.
Which means what?
You can't have it all.
Yeah. You slept
with a lot of models, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
- Yeah, don't recommend.
- No, no.
Yeah.
Okay, well, what do you do now
to get your rocks off?
- Surely something?
- Sure you wanna know?
- What is it?
- It's pretty It's pretty serious.
Are you seri What is it?
Well, every now and then,
I like to have some ice cream. Yeah.
- You need to calm the fuck down.
- I know.
I had no idea you were so hectic.
- Hey, guys, how is everything?
- Yeah, amazing.
Right? You'd never know it's vegan.
Oh.
I found Gabriel.
- What did he say?
- The waiter said he isn't in.
Supposedly he doesn't do service,
just prep.
But, oh, my God,
the duck is fucking orgasmic.
- It's definitely gonna win the crawl.
- Okay, great.
- Now get him to talk.
- Yeah.
- I wanna know everything.
- Onto it. Okay.
Yes!
- Sorry, I just had to quickly do that.
- That's all right.
- Can I
- Sounds like we're gonna celebrate.
Yeah. What do you suggest?
Uh
Ooh! How about some ice cream?
Hmm? Hmm?
- Sure you can handle that?
- I think so.
- You're talking about ice cream, right?
- Mm-hmm. Full cream.
Yeah. Okay, cool.
Really? 'Cause it sounds like
you're talking about sex.
- Still ice cream.
- Great.
- NA.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I remember.
So, what does, uh, NA think about
rum and raisin?
- Ha!
- I don't know. You'd have to ask them.
- Oh, that lying motherfucker.
- What?
Oh, no, noth Nothing.
Um, actually, I probably should go home
and get this written up.
- Oh, uh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
- Yeah. Yeah, sorry.
And I've got an early morning, so
Right, yeah, the, um, sexy spin class.
Sexy spin class.
I'll see you there.
Gotta go to the bathroom. See you there.
Uh
Ri Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
You know I can barely read this.
I haven't got my fucking glasses.
Should be fine.
Just make sure he's on time
and check every box, yeah?
Gabriel Wolf.
Your fuck is divine.
Excuse me?
Your fake duck. Your fuck.
Oh.
Mmm.
- I'm Liv Healy. I reviewed your
- Quail three ways.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I remember.
You were savage.
Well, you did change the glaze,
didn't you?
I didn't say you were wrong.
So you like the fuck?
What you're doing is incredible.
And I'm dying to know,
why did the king of meat
make the switch to vegan,
and why did you leave New York?
You know, me and a couple of the kids
are going back to my place after.
You wanna come?
How did you end up in Sydney?
You were at the top of your game
in New York.
You seemed to really enjoy animal flesh.
May I?
Yik, yak, yaw. Hmm?
Hmm.
Yik.
Yak.
Yaw!
Clearly, your form of veganism
is not about clean-living.
Oh, brother. Thank you.
Hmm? What's it about?
Are you just trying
to keep up with the kids?
Mmm. Were you bored?
Hey. Excuse me.
Come on, give me something. Gabriel.
Let's talk later.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I'm meant to be doing an interview.
Ah, okay.
Hey, you guys. Cheers.
Yes!
Tells you that he loves you ♪
Then he take it all back ♪
Girl, you gotta wonder
Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
Girl, you gotta wonder
About a man like that ♪
Girl, you gotta wonder
Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
Girl, you gotta wonder
About a man like that ♪
Girl, you gotta wonder
Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
Girl, you gotta wonder
About a man like that ♪
Girl, you gotta wonder
Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
Hey, nice shoes.
Girl, you gotta wonder
About a man like that ♪
Ugh. Ames, I can't talk.
I gotta get to this spin class.
- I just caught Doug wanking in the shower.
- Oh, how do we feel about that?
I don't know!
Well, I just broke my sex drought
with a very good-looking gentleman
who was very ungentlemanly
in all the right ways.
What about gym guy?
No, he's taken a vow of no fucking.
- No!
- Yep.
I went back
and flirted with the bartender.
- No!
- Yep.
I went back home,
Doug wasn't interested, so I had a maz.
We're both clearly horny,
so why isn't it happening?
Oh, I just partied with Gabriel Wolf
and got nothing.
I mean, I had him and then I blew it.
No, you can't give up.
We're young and virile.
This can't be all there is.
All right, don't freak out.
But I am freaking out.
I think there's something wrong
with my marriage.
Babe, it's fine. It's all good.
We've just hit a little bit of a bump
in the road, and it's
Dude!
Sorry.
We've hit a bump in the road, okay?
We are strong, smart, excellent women.
We have got this.
Yeah.
Good morning, team.
Welcome. Let's get started.
Loosen up those shoulders.
- Let's really make it count today.
- Oh, God.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Everybody,
let's get warmed up.
- Long night?
- Yeah, maybe.
- I want your pace on my beat.
- Ugh!
Are you hungover?
What? No.
I think I still might be a bit drunk.
We will hit some big hills today,
so I want you to pace yourself.
Oh, fuck.
Went out after our dinner last night, huh?
- Oh, what, is that a problem?
- No.
Now, my beautiful people,
we are starting our journey.
And remember, the only person
you're in competition with is you.
Ooh.
Fuck.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
It's okay, my love.
Oh, shit.
I can't believe you've been out there
partying this whole time.
It was for a story.
Oh
If it's any consolation, it's vegan spew.
- Well, all right.
- I thought you wanted to get healthy.
- What?
- Yeah.
No one wants to get healthy, Gaz.
I have to.
Jesus, Liv, you can't have it all.
And if you don't get healthy,
you can't go back to New York.
You gotta make some sacrifices here.
Okay, I need to take this.
Oh, of course. Well, I have
some steam cleaning to supervise.
Great.
- Liv Healy.
- Hey.
Hey, listen, you, um
You left without saying goodbye.
Yeah, and we didn't get that chat either.
Well, listen, it sounds like the party's
about to roll into another party,
so, uh, you wanna come by?
Oh, I can't,
but I'm happy to do it over the phone.
Yeah, uh, I'm not that interested
in formal interviews.
I'm just looking
to have some fun, you know.
You could come around and have a drink,
and we could see where the day takes us.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I'm here.
Um, are you in?
I just wanna say ♪
Hope it stays the same ♪
Got a dope little kind of thing going ♪
I hope it stays the same ♪
We got a dope
Little kind of thing going ♪
But you're
But you're already knowin'
You're already knowin' ♪
You're already knowin'
You're already knowin', yeah, yeah ♪
You're already knowin'
You're already knowin', yeah, yeah ♪
I'm tryna show you
Just what honesty is ♪
Maybe cause your presence
Give me confidence ♪
Got me acting on my actions
With no thought of consequence ♪
Feeling like my only option
Is to be opting in ♪
Tryna see what you're all about ♪
I'm tryna see
If you're living up to all your clout ♪
See, I usually don't go off of
What I heard about ♪
But your tongue game got me
Straight believing in your word of mouth ♪
I just wanna say ♪
Hidden treasure when I found you ♪
Think I love everything about you ♪
I never have a reason to doubt you ♪
You, ooh, ooh ♪
I just wanna say ♪
Hope it stays the same ♪
Got a dope little kind of thing going ♪