Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e03 Episode Script

No, it's no problem, Tanya.
I'm whipping up my world famous lobster bisque.
Yeah.
Oh, no, that's no problem.
No, no, Mrs.
Bower says I can have friends over any time I want.
Besides, she ain't gonna be here.
Yeah.
All right, I'll see you at 8.
Oh, boy.
All right, bye.
It's B'wana Grandma, huh? When you take the kids camping, you go in style.
I've always wanted to camp out in the great outdoors with the rustle of trees and the twinkling of stars and the babbling of brooks and the bats and the bears and the creepy crawly things.
Hey, maybe we could camp out at the Waldorf.
I thought you were going to get away.
Listen, I'm going camping with an 11-year-old and a 7-year-old.
You are getting away from it all.
I'm taking it with me.
Wonderful.
Eight o'clock.
I'll see you tonight, Mitch.
Mitch? Is that the one you've been raving about? Go for it.
I'll meet- I'll meet you at the Four Seasons.
The maitre d' is holding my table.
Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! Excuse me, Mitch.
A dog got his foot caught in the screen door.
Mother, you're trying to tell me something.
Your table? Your maitre d'? Your restaurant? Could you just stop being a hotshot executive for one night? My restaurant because it's my town.
He's flying in from Boston.
Great! Then have a nice little romantic dinner at home.
A little candlelight, a little wine.
Be a homebody.
That sounds like old-fashioned sexist talk.
And what is wrong with old-fashioned sex? If they come up with something better, will you let me know? Mitchell, how would you like to come here for a nice little dinner? Great! I'll see you then.
What? What dog? He's fine.
He's just fine, Mitchell.
Speak to you later.
Bye-bye.
- Mother.
- Attagirl! Okay, Angela, now call Entre Nous and have them cater for you.
And it's just going to be the two of you.
All right.
I'm all set.
Micelli's Outfitting Post.
Just the three of us.
Mona, this is great of you, you know.
Samantha's never been camping before.
Yeah? Who has? The only time she ever slept under the stars was when she dozed off at the Hayden Planetarium.
All right, pathfinders! Let's move it! Let's hit it! Let's do it! Give him the rest of the day off.
- Let's move it, guys.
- We're all packed.
The three of us are all packed.
- Three? - Yeah.
Her, me and Wilbur.
Wilbur's going home.
And the good news is, he's not coming back.
Guess whose wonderful idea it was.
- Say goodbye, Wilbur.
- Goodbye, Wilbur.
- Have a good life.
- Yeah.
Don't take any wooden field mice.
Well, wish us luck.
I am off to darkest Fairfield County.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
Be careful.
- Please, drive carefully, Mother.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Take care.
- Bye-bye, Mo.
Bye-bye.
Tony.
Tony, everything looks great.
Why not take the day off? I've got things I want to do here.
Well, if you're worried about the kids calling, I'll be here.
You will? Tonight? Yes.
Tonight.
- For dinner? - I changed my plans.
I invited someone over.
Why? No reason.
You didn't have anything planned, did you? No, no, no.
In fact, now that I think about it, I think I'll I'll call an old friend and head into town, you know? Sure.
No, maybe we'll bowl a few frames, huh? Sounds good.
I think I'm gonna die.
Tanya.
Tanya! It's me, Tony.
Yeah.
Yeah, how are you? Listen, what kind of a guy am I, huh? I make you come to the Little Acorn when we could swing in the Big Apple.
That's right.
Yeah, I'm gonna head in, okay? All right, fine.
I'll see you a little- You want me to say that on the phone? Okay.
Tanya, Tanya, my little lasagne.
I'll pick you up at 8, because I'd never con you.
All set.
I'm meeting my old friend in town.
Bowling? Yeah, bowling, and maybe a little lasagne later.
Oh, hey.
Hey, since I'm going out do you want me to whip up dinner for you? No, thanks, Tony.
I'll take care of it.
You? I mean, you're so busy.
I am perfectly capable of getting a meal.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, I'm sending out.
Angela, take-out for a friend? It's not just take-out.
I'm catering dinner for two.
Pretty fancy.
Who is this friend? Just a "friend" friend.
I get it.
I get it.
Well, listen, since you're having that great grub I happen to have a nice lobster bisque in the kitchen.
You happen to have lobster bisque? It was a great recipe on the back of the lobster.
- I figured, why not? - Right.
I'm gonna go It's me, Tony.
I thought you left.
I thought you were upstairs.
You- You look very- I mean, it's- You look- You really - Really, I'm telling you- - Thanks.
Thanks.
You're going bowling? Well - it's a classy league.
- Right.
- I'm gonna- Okay.
I'm gonna go.
- I'll get it.
Hello? Mitchell! Oh, you're not coming.
Oh, no, it's not your fault there's fog in Boston.
No, no- No, nothing special.
It was just a little potluck.
Well, some other time.
Sure.
Bye-bye.
Fog.
Boston.
Boston.
Fog.
I guess it was kind of a special evening, huh? - Kind of.
- Yeah, well, let me tell you - he don't know what he's missing.
- The lobster bisque.
Yeah, that too.
- Well, I'm sorry.
I gotta hit the road.
- It's okay.
- Have a nice time.
- Thank you very much.
- Bower residence? - Yeah.
Entre Nous comes to you.
Hey, wait a minute.
You're French? French.
French is a state of mind.
I'm a great cook, I'm a great lover, and I'm rude to tourists.
- I am Robaire.
- Oh, Robaire? Robaire, Roberto, Bob, Bobby.
I go where the work is.
- Dinner for two.
- There's been a change of plans.
- It's just dinner for one.
- For one? $300 for one? - A lovers' quarrel.
- No, no, no.
Pal, you got it all mixed up.
Sir, look at that poor, heartbroken woman.
- It's not my fault.
- It's always our fault.
- Tony.
Tony, just go.
- No, no, no.
You don't mean that.
Sir, don't be impetuous.
Look.
Duck a I'orange.
Wine.
Escargot.
- This is good stuff.
- Robaire, let him go.
- Angela, I'm sorry about tonight.
- You hear that? He's sorry.
Don't throw him out.
I'm not throwing him out, Robaire.
He has other plans.
Now, it's just dinner for one.
Good night, Tony.
I know, I know.
Look, Robaire, make it dinner for two, huh? Hey, I never pass up duck a I'orange.
That's much better now.
How about a little aperitif just for the two of you? You didn't have to do this because you felt sorry for me.
Hey, this is all part of the deal.
Room and board, right? Hey, and besides, I know what it's like to get dumped.
Not that you did, you know.
Just because it's crystal clear here doesn't mean it's not socked in in Boston.
- Thanks.
What about bowling? - Now? Oh, bowling.
I thought I'd call the guys and catch up with them like, on the fourth beer.
Well, anyway, you're very sweet.
That's much better.
Perhaps a little toast? To clean sinks.
What a fun couple.
Relax.
Enjoy.
Mademoiselle looks very lovely this evening, oui, monsieur? He's such a shy and sensitive young man.
Have you told him how handsome he looks tonight? No.
He is.
You- You are.
- You look very nice.
- Thank you, thank you.
Perhaps I should turn the lights down a little.
- No, no, no! - No, that's fine! Tanya, just think of it like a little rain delay.
We're not calling the game, babe.
No, no, no.
Give me this thing.
How do you expect me to leave this sweet old lady in a hip cast? I swear, I'll be there as soon as I can, okay, babe? Bye, babe.
Old lady? Hip cast? Look, it's a little complicated.
Sir, how can you dally with that lovely woman's affections? I'm not dallying.
You're dallying.
Could you speed this up a little? You cannot speed up escargot.
By their very nature, they are slow.
Robaire, she's a very nice lady, but I'm not really her boyfriend, see? She needed somebody, and she does pay me- She pays you? - How tawdry.
- Hey, wait a minute.
- I cannot be a party to this.
- You know what? You're right.
You can't be a party to this.
You're too classy.
- What about the duck? - Don't worry about those quackers.
I'll pop them in for you, okay? This never happens when I cater Mexican.
Well, we won't have Robaire to kick us around anymore.
- He left? - Yeah, I told him I'd take care of things.
- And maybe now we can relax.
- Thank God we're alone.
- Well, we've been alone before.
- Yeah.
Sure.
Just not by candlelight.
Sorry.
Sorry.
It's so quiet around here without the kids.
- Yeah, a whole meal without the kids.
- A whole meal? The whole night.
We can sleep in in the morning.
I mean, you can sleep in and I can sleep in.
Have some more wine.
Have an hors d'oeuvre.
These are good.
You know, where I come from a fancy hors d'oeuvre is beef jerky and beer nuts.
Imagine that.
I feel like I'm on my first date in high school.
I mean, not that this is a date.
Just that, well, it's not exactly like scrubbing your bathroom floor.
I- I know what you mean about high school.
- There was never anything to say.
- Right? You know, I'll never forget the time I finally got the nerve up to ask Geraldine Capazo to the Christmas dance.
That was the most embarrassed I ever was.
- You? - Yeah, me.
You kidding? My hands were so sweaty, I left a big paw print on the back of her red formal.
Oh, that reminds me.
- Of what? - Nothing.
- Come on.
- No, I never told anybody this before.
I told you.
Well In college, I asked Greg Dawson to the big sorority ball.
Greg Dawson.
He was like Tom Selleck, but good-looking.
And I lost six pounds.
I bought this incredible strapless evening gown and I spent all day at the hairdresser's.
I'll bet you looked terrific.
Yeah, even my acne cleared up.
And, well I felt like Scarlett O'Hara when I made my grand entrance at the top of this long staircase and there was Greg waiting for me down at the bottom.
And then the heel of my shoe caught in the hem of my dress and I bounced all the way down the staircase.
- You didn't.
- I did.
I did, but my gown didn't make it.
I landed at the at the bottom in my slip and my wrist corsage, and Isn't that awful? Yeah, it's awful.
I mean, I thought my paw print was bad.
It's terrible.
It's terrible.
I guess it is sort of funny.
A wrist corsage? Oh, God! - How soon before dinner? - About 20 minutes.
Angela? Hello? It's me, Mitch.
Anybody here? Okay.
Kareem, move over because here comes Dr.
A.
Mitch.
You got here.
Yes, I did.
- Hi, Mitch.
- Hi.
- Well.
- Well, the fog lifted right after I called and the phones at the airport were tied up so I just rushed right on out.
Well, you made good time.
So did you.
Mitchell, I'd like you to meet Tony Micelli, my housekeeper.
- You're not going to buy that.
- It's better than anything I could have come up with.
No, no.
Really, Mitch.
She needed a housekeeper, I needed a job.
- The house looks great, Tony.
- Oh, thanks.
Mitchell, you got- You got here just in time.
- Tony, is dinner just about ready? - Yeah.
A few minutes.
Oh, you want me to serve? Well, you are the one who got rid of Robaire.
Yeah, I got rid of Robaire.
Okay.
Hey, yo.
I'll just Robaire? You mean there was another guy here? Tanya, I'm out of here in 45 minutes, give or take an orange duck.
All I gotta do is give the old lady a bath and a Fig Newton, and I'm yours.
Hello? Hello? I wonder which part she didn't believe.
Boy, you should have seen the fog in Boston.
Gee, I wish I could've been there.
Lobster bisque Neapolitan, huh? - Italian bisque? - Oh, it's a house specialty.
Did I ever tell you about my big sorority formal where I bounced down the stairs and tore my gown off? No.
My God, you must have been mortified.
Well, tell him about the wrist corsage and the slip.
You're gonna love it.
Mitchell, have you ever had a real embarrassing moment? No.
- Mitch gone? - Yeah.
- Turned out to be a nice guy.
- Yeah, he is.
Very nice.
Look, Tony I'm sorry about what happened tonight.
- Hey, I enjoyed some of this.
- Me too.
Too bad you missed your bowling buddies.
Yeah.
Well, it's all right.
- You need any help in here? - No.
It's late.
Why don't you head up to bed? - Tony? - Yeah.
Thanks for everything.
Anytime, boss.
Tony! Tony, the campers are back! Hi, sweetheart! Hi! Mother! What happened to you? Some kind of animal.
Daddy, it was a cow.
But a vicious cow.
I bet the snake was happy, huh? Yeah, I guess Wilbur's happy.
When I let him go, you should have seen the smile on his face.
- That's nice.
- Honey, I know you're gonna miss him but you did the right thing.
It's okay, Mom.
I've got a new friend.
Wait till you meet Ralph.
Yeah.
Wait till you meet Ralph.
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