Wonder Woman (1976) s01e03 Episode Script
Fausta: The Nazi Wonder Woman
Stop right there.
Security area.
"Q" clearance to go by.
Proceed.
Fort Russell's supposed to be one of our most secure posts but they still managed to get in some way.
We were lucky this time no one was killed, just some damage to this tunnel here.
But whoever it was knew just when we'd be transporting those radar scanner components.
"Q" security's the tightest we have yet they still seem to know just where to hit us.
That unexplained fire at Fort Hughes the gas main explosion at Camp MacKenzie, now this bombing.
All links in what we thought was a top-secret assembly chain.
Perhaps if we changed the assembly schedule.
No, it's too late for that.
The scanner is being assembled here at Fort Russell at three separate locations.
For the enemy to destroy it they must strike before final assembly tomorrow night.
Steve, that doesn't give you much time, but you have to do it.
You have to make sure that entire base is 100% secure.
I'll take care of it, sir.
Sir.
I still don't know how they got through.
Security is my business, Major Trevor, and you'd better believe I'm good at it.
Fort Russell is spread over 100 square miles and nobody crosses one inch of its perimeter without my knowing about it.
Except this time.
A mistake's been made, you're going to have to admit it.
- A faulty alarm system, a sleepy guard - Negative.
Every link in our security chain was and is solid.
That saboteur had to be a magician to get onto these grounds undetected.
- He might have been inside all along.
- There are 15,000 men stationed here.
An enemy agent could hide in the crowd and wait for his chance to strike.
I've got all personnel very carefully screened.
There's not a person here who hasn't been cleared for military purposes.
Does that include them, Colonel? They don't look very military to me.
Yeoman Prince is 100% right.
What are they doing at a top-security installation? They're boosting morale, Major.
The girls are all finalists in the Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl Beauty Contest.
They are certainly beautiful.
Yes, it will be tough picking the winner.
The finals are tomorrow at the Officers' Club.
That's the best place to hold it.
Officers and enlisted men all are invited.
Here they are, boys.
All the little cuties, they're here for you.
You can look at them, but don't touch.
- That's Jack Wood.
- Who? Only America's favorite radio comic.
He's doing his show here tomorrow.
Emceeing the beauty contest finals on a coast-to-coast broadcast.
Listen, if you guys still think that you're fighting for Mom's apple pie, see the chaplain.
And go easy on him.
He's always looking for miracles.
Come on, they're all here for you guys.
All right, that's enough, girls.
Come on, it's rehearsal time.
Let's go.
See you later, boys.
Don't worry about it.
They're all waiting for you.
Do you think it's wise giving civilians the run of the base? Jack Wood isn't just a civilian.
He's an institution, like Bob Hope or Babe Ruth.
Besides, his itinerary's been cleared by Washington.
Last week he ran a preliminary contest at Fort Hughes four days later, he did the same at Camp MacKenzie and now he's here for the finals and, believe me, we're glad to have him.
First Fort Hughes, then Camp MacKenzie, and now Fort I presume you've prepared dossiers on Mr.
Wood and his troupe.
I'd like to see them, if I may.
Yes, of course, I'll get them ready for you.
Fine.
I'll meet you in your office.
Yes, I noticed it, too, Diana.
They played every stop on the sabotage circuit.
It'd make a great cover for an enemy operation.
Perhaps if we could get one of our own agents into that beauty contest.
Might flush them out.
Take a really beautiful girl, though, someone with all the right qualifications.
Well, I'd be willing to try.
Thanks, Diana, I know you'd do a wonderful job but this calls for a really gorgeous girl.
Someone who looks great in a bathing suit.
I won't be needing you for a while, is there anything you'd like to do? I could do some shopping at the PX and just take a bus back to Washington.
- Lf you don't mind.
- That's fine.
Thank you.
All right, let's try it for real this time.
Monty, one, two, three, four.
Lower the stars.
All together, please.
Excellent.
And right.
Very good.
Good.
And forward.
And up stage.
Monty, hold it.
Somebody made a mistake.
Come on.
All right, one more time.
From the top.
One, two, three, four.
Mitzie.
- Yes? - There are no turns in this number.
I'm sorry, I didn't know there weren't any turns.
- Sorry - You're just trying too hard, darling.
At least I know how to smile.
Is that what that is? I thought it was something you ate.
Will you stop it? Will you cut it out? - She started it.
- Now let's try it again.
And stop behaving like a herd of sheep.
- Can we take it from the top, please, Lola? - I'm trying, Monty.
All right, girls, from the top.
One, two, three, four.
Excuse me, but I'd like to find out about the Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl Contest.
You're a little late, dear.
There are no more openings.
I never heard of that.
She's beautiful.
Listen, I'm Lola Flynn.
I'm running this contest for Jack Wood, and we sure could use you.
- What's your name? - Diana.
Diana Paradise.
- I'd love to be in your contest.
- It isn't fair to the other girls.
We like things the way they are.
I agree.
Besides, we don't know anything about her.
What's to know? She wants to enter a beauty contest, not medical school.
We ought to grab her.
- Are you working here on the base? - Yes, I am just now.
That works fine because you'll have to be confined with the rest to quarters.
Some dumb regulation that has to do with security.
I still don't think we should upset the others for the sake of a late arrival.
Break it up! Listen, we got a slew of tired G.
I.
S coming here tomorrow night to look at girls.
Depriving them of this baby doll would be unpatriotic.
Tell me about yourself, sugar.
Never mind the dull stuff, get right to your phone number.
But all of us have been working so hard on our routines for the talent contest.
If she's not prepared, she'll make us look bad.
The dragon lady's got a point.
Can you sing, dance or play a musical instrument? Yes.
What would you like me to do for you first? If I answer that, the draft board will say that I'm young enough to fight.
How about some hoofing? Make with the eighty-eights, professor.
One, two, three, four.
Sign her up.
I've got to go for now, girls.
I've got a golf date with my favorite brass hat, Colonel Flint.
His security staff are the ones protecting you girls from the love-starved soldiers at Fort Russell.
- Boo! - Bye, girls.
All right, everybody take five.
We've got a lot of work before tomorrow.
When can you start? This afternoon, if you like.
I have to take care of a few things first.
- Fine.
How about 3:00? - That's fine.
Thank you.
- Diana? - Yes? I was going to wish you luck, but you don't need it.
You remind me, kind of, of myself, a few centuries ago.
It's unfair to judge yourself by the criterion of age.
A vital, intelligent woman is much more than the sum of her birthdays.
Yeah, well, maybe it'll be that way for you, but for me my high point was when I was 19 and I was Miss American Beauty.
From then on, it was downhill all the way.
Remember, 3:00.
- You kind of like her, don't you? - Yes.
I think she isn't as hard as she would like to be.
Good.
It's always nice to make new friends.
But there'll only be one winner in the contest, and you're looking at her.
I thought the judges were going to make that decision.
Just stay out of my way, sweetheart.
I'm going to be Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl and be in Jack's next movie and anybody who tries to stop me better watch her step.
So, as you can see, Major, everyone's been checked and double-checked.
Maybe, but I'm still going to stay with the inside job theory a little longer.
We'll be in touch.
Let's get out of here.
- Thanks, Wonder Woman.
- They don't seem too dangerous now.
One of these days I'm going to find out how you always know when I need you.
Let's find out what they know.
- About the sabotage ring.
- They're probably part of it.
Whoever's trying to destroy the scanner doesn't want me to investigate.
All right, out.
Both of you.
What do you know about this scanner Wait! They won't go far.
What is this? It's a little dinky rope, but I can't move.
No one can resist the Golden Lasso.
It binds all who it encircles and compels them to tell the truth.
I can't think of a better time to ask them a few questions.
Who's leading the attempts on the scanner project? We never heard of your project, whatchamacallit.
We were paid to hit Major Steve Trevor.
$500, no questions asked.
But you had to get the money and your assignment from someone.
Who was that person? Nobody.
A phone call gave us the job.
The money and instructions were in a locker at the railroad station.
We don't know anything else.
So the real saboteur hired some cheap muscle to get me out of the way.
- He must know you're looking for him.
- And he's getting nervous.
He might make another attempt on your life.
I don't think he'd risk giving himself away to get me a second time.
He's after the scanner project, I'll be after him as soon as I take them to the police.
In the car, you drive.
Would you rather take your car? I wonder if you can cook.
In the car.
In the front seat.
- Please be careful.
- I'd like to be, there just isn't time.
Okay, thanks.
I was right.
There's no Diana Paradise working on this base.
She's a phony.
So she made up a fake story to enter a big-time beauty contest.
I did the same thing when I was a kid on the make.
Don't worry about it.
I never worry, Lola.
If she's interested in more than just the beauty contest, it's too bad.
She's had it.
This isn't as easy as it looks in the movies.
- That's better, chin up, back straight.
- Better? - Is that really you? - Yeah, isn't it amazing? If I thought a wig would do that for me, I'd shave my head.
The transformation's incredible.
But why? I've entered the Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl Contest.
That's wonderful.
I'm using the name Diana Paradise so that no one can trace me to Military Intelligence.
Excuse me.
I think it's great that you're doing this.
It shows a lot of initiative.
Go back to Fort Russell and keep your eyes open.
I'll to try to get a focus on this operation.
If I have anything, I'll call you.
I'll say I'm your Uncle George.
Clear? Yes, sir.
Uncle George.
I'd better get back to the base now because I'm expected by 3:00.
I'll drive you.
Thank you.
- Diana? - Yes, sir? It's funny, but seeing you in that dress makes me realize you look like somebody.
Who? Joan Crawford.
I'm very flattered, sir.
Around the ankles.
Thanks.
- Don't tell me she's still in there.
- So what else is new? Come on.
Rita, what took so long? We're all waiting to get in the shower.
It takes her longer, because she's dirtier than the rest of us.
How would you like to smile for the judges with no front teeth? All right, girls, break it up.
Nobody's going to be Miss Dream Girl with a black eye and a fat lip.
Now, most you kids seem okay, so if Rita or somebody acts up just don't encourage them, all right? But she's always picking on me.
We just wanted to wash up, and get a little beauty sleep.
If sleep makes one beautiful then all of you must have had insomnia for years.
One more day.
I'm sorry about the accommodations, but you're too late for one of the choice bunks.
This will be quite comfortable, I'm sure.
Thank you.
You seem like a nice kid.
- I think I ought to warn you.
- Warn me about what? There's a lot more at stake here than a beauty contest for some people.
Don't panic, girls.
I came here to tuck you in.
If any of you get thirsty during the night, I just Yes, go on.
Just do as you're told and be careful.
Extra careful.
Do exactly what I tell you to, all right? Listen, are they treating you girls all right? - Yeah! - Nuts! And I wore a rubber shirt so that you could cry on my shoulder.
There's a few personal things I'd like to go over with you.
It won't take long.
That's what I'm afraid of, honey.
I'd love to get to know you girls better, but if I do people will say I'm low and corruptible enough to trade my vote as a contest judge for a little smooching.
And they're right.
Front and center! Diana.
- Well, well.
How's it going? - Fine, Mr.
Wood and I can't thank you enough for allowing me to become a contestant.
I do.
Meet me tonight on the firing range at 12:00.
Bring an evening gown and bananas because, when I monkey around I use real monkeys.
I didn't know you worked with animals.
Are you kidding? Didn't you ever see my band? Oh, boy! Even with all these curves, this kid would make a great straight man.
Wait a minute.
Why don't I use you tomorrow night in the magic pit? That's a good idea.
Wait a minute, let me get some magic props here and we're gonna work this out.
Do exactly what I tell you to do, all right? Just follow me, and hang loose.
Little magic music, please.
Here's what we do.
There's the audience.
Hello, how are you? Here's my pretty assistant.
Hold this, like this.
I take this out and show it to the audience, right? There.
They can see it's completely empty.
I put in here, like this.
Put the top down on the table.
I put it here like this, and suddenly, abracadabra and what have we got here? Look at this, she's a natural.
Lola, sign her up.
- Tell Wardrobe to dress her skimpily.
- Right, Jack.
All right, good night, girls.
I'll see you in my dreams.
That magic bit was supposed to be mine.
I told you to stay out of my way, and right away you cozy up to the star.
- That never entered my mind, Rita.
- No? Well, let's see how you feel about this entering your nose! Rita, knock it off or you're out of the contest.
- Are you all right? - I'm fine, thank you.
Diana, there's a phone for you.
It's your Uncle George.
Thank you, Miss Flynn.
Diana, no more personal calls.
It's in the rules.
Yes, ma'am.
- Hello? Uncle George? - Just listen, Diana.
I've been checking, and the blast at the tunnel wasn't the first attempt on the scanner project.
The other attempt missed, too.
Damaged a base access road.
It looked like an accident, so nobody reported it.
That's very interesting, Uncle George, but is there anything else you wanted to tell me? I'm not allowed to have any more personal calls.
- It's in the rules.
- I understand, so I'll make it fast.
The final radar component will be completed at the Fort's electrical sub-station at 0100 hours tonight.
It's located directly behind the motor pool.
The saboteur has to try for it, and I'll be waiting for him.
I want you to watch for any activity in the Jack Wood's group that might clue us in to the saboteur's identity.
- Good hunting.
- Same to you, Uncle George.
I don't know what game you're playing, sweetheart but whatever it is, little Rita's going to find out all about it.
Excuse me, Rita.
- Steve.
- My head.
They didn't get the scanner, did they? No, some electrical equipment's been destroyed and someone will have to account for a missing tailgate but the project's all right.
- How are you? - I'm okay.
The guards are coming.
I better go.
But, Wonder Woman, I I'm sure everything's under control.
Just go back to bed and leave whatever's happening outside to the Army.
Maybe what's happening was caused by someone who shouldn't be outside.
Diana's missing.
Diana knows the rules.
I'm sure she's not gone.
Then a search will turn her up, right? I told you she took off.
She knows the rules, and she's out of the contest.
What's going on out here? Diana, I knew you were someplace.
I just never thought of the shower.
It was hot and I couldn't sleep.
What about this? I found it on your pillow.
That's the only thing false about her, Rita.
Can you say the same? All right, everybody back to sleep.
It's going to be a big day tomorrow.
Good night, again.
Don't turn the light on.
What's going on out there? It sounds like a war.
An unexpected visit from Wonder Woman.
What's more, our late arrival, Diana Paradise? - She's up to something.
- Diana? Are you sure? - What're you going to do? - I don't know, but I'll think of something.
I don't want to be involved.
I'm sorry you feel that way, Lola.
Our primary purpose was not to sabotage the radar project.
It was just a cover to ensure the success of our real mission.
My dear, we're going to assassinate a very important general named Dwight D.
Eisenhower.
I hope General Eisenhower understands why we had to change the departure time.
I informed the General of the botched sabotage attempts at Fort Russell.
Nothing to worry about it.
You'll just have to take a longer approach route.
As long as he has time to check out that special project - before it's sent on to New York.
- He'll have plenty of time.
And you also get a bonus.
You can catch the finals of the Miss Dream Girl contest.
Jack Wood is broadcasting it from Fort Russell.
That's a good idea.
It's good for the soldiers' morale.
Good for the officers' morale, as well.
Sabotage try one: Closed an access road.
Two: Shut down the tunnel.
Three: Last night, blew up part of the electrical system that services the fort's auxiliary airfield.
At least they didn't wreck the radar scanner.
- That's the important thing.
- Is it? How can an agent clever enough to penetrate our defenses miss his target three times out of three? Good news, Steve.
We've won.
The radar scanner's completed.
The components are being assembled now so the device will be operational in time for his personal inspection.
Whose inspection, sir? An officer the War Department is high on, name of Eisenhower.
Sorry to keep you in the dark about that, but he's involved in some top-level stuff.
We considered his travel plans so important, no one was supposed to know.
Like the radar scanner.
But the enemy still knew about it.
General, what route is Eisenhower taking to Fort Russell? - His route? - Yeah.
Well, originally he was to stop at Fort Hughes for a special debriefing session with a Special Forces officer of Camp MacKenzie.
Cancelled because of accidents at both installations.
A fire at Hughes, a gas main blow-up at MacKenzie.
So Eisenhower is forced to come directly to Fort Russell.
I repeat, sir, by what route? A plane from Randolph Field to the auxiliary landing strip Closed by sabotage to the electrical system.
Then south on the access road through the service tunnel.
But, sir, the road and the tunnel were closed by sabotage, too.
Leaving the only route into Fort Russell a landing at this civilian airstrip west of the perimeter and the fire road behind the old artillery range entering the base at Point Lobo.
- A perfect spot for an ambush.
- Good Lord.
It wasn't the radar scanner the saboteurs were after.
They were creating a funnel through which Eisenhower had to enter the fort.
Etta, call Diana at the Officers' Club theater.
Say Uncle George has an urgent message, and tell her what happened.
We'll alert Point Lobo and the Fort by car radio on our way to the landing site.
We've got to try and head him off.
Communications? Gen.
Blankenship's priority clearance.
I have to place a call to the theater at Fort Russell right away.
I just feel there's something not right about Diana Paradise.
This is a beauty contest, and she's a pretty girl.
What's wrong with that? You know what I mean.
She's not interested in some dumb beauty contest.
If that's the way it is, that'll be the end of her.
Monty, I've told you, I don't want to hear you talking that way anymore.
All right, girls, let's take a look at the costumes.
They all look fine.
Better hurry and get into your bathing suits.
That costume should be mine.
It doesn't even look right on her.
We've no time for that.
They're lining up, and Jack's warm up is in 20 minutes.
Come on, girls, let's get going.
Officers' Club Theater.
Diana Paradise? Hold on.
Hello? Operator, we've been cut off.
The call was for me, my Uncle George.
No personal calls, Miss Paradise.
No exceptions.
Whatever you say, Mr.
Burns.
Fella, would you lower the PA? We're getting feedback on the speakers.
Watch it, this thing weighs a ton.
If it ever came down, somebody could get killed.
Somebody could get killed.
It's no use, Steve.
We have 15 miles to go.
Eisenhower's plane is in radio silence.
Then we must reach him before he starts for Point Lobo.
- Blankenship, here.
- General, it's Etta.
I can't reach Diana.
- They're not answering the phone.
- Get an M.
P.
To get you to theater.
Tell her in person, fast! Yes, sir, but it'll be too late for Diana to do anything and she'll be worried about you and General Eisenhower.
Sir, I know this isn't very military, but I hate a crisis situation.
- Pull yourself together, Etta.
- Yes, sir.
Over and out.
Step on it, Steve.
Okay, fella.
Take it up, will you? That's it.
The place is filling up with soldiers.
Monty, what you said about Diana You won't do anything, will you? Don't worry.
It'll be over quickly.
I can't let that happen.
That's got to be stopped, now.
That's not possible, Lola.
First, because you're in this up to your neck and, second, because it's too late.
It's already started.
My men are in position by now.
The main attraction, ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and mine your Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl.
Aren't they lovely? They're all dream girls, each and every one of them.
His plane's already landed.
Maybe he's still here.
We missed him.
He can't be far ahead.
I hope it's not too late.
If Point Lobo doesn't respond that trap could be set already.
Yes, sir.
That's something they'll never replace with synthetics.
Isn't she wonderful? The girls will show the judges that they've got something going for them besides beauty: Me! But seriously, folks, this is the talent part of our competition and our next contestant, direct from New York City the very lovely, vivacious Miss Betty Lou Capaletti in her own fantasy in dance! Let's hear it for Betty Lou! Where are you going? I've got to see Diana Paradise.
It's a matter of life or death.
Sorry, but you'll have to wait till after the show.
I said, after the show.
Excuse me.
Miss Flynn, I can't find my costume for the number with Mr.
Wood.
It's not in my locker.
It's got to be.
You had it on at dress rehearsal.
I hate to be the one to say it, but where is Rita right this minute? I mean, she doesn't have to change until next to last.
How about that for a double-jointed baby doll? Honey, fold yourself up and wait for me in my glove compartment.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's my turn.
I'm not going to get to you with beauty but I've still got a couple of things going for me.
This is one of them, and this is the other.
Here I am, Mr.
Wood.
It is Rita.
She's taken my place.
I may as well get ready for the evening gown parade.
You can't go through with this.
You're making a mistake.
Lola, you leave me with no alternative.
See how easy it is to get rid of you, my dear? You can talk about your big finish, but this is ridiculous.
What's going on here? The Jack Wood Show spares no expense.
Nice to see you, Wonder Woman, but I'm sorry, I do a single.
Mr.
Wood, it is very important that no one leave this theater.
I won't argue with you, doll.
You've got to admit, this is better than army training films on athlete's foot.
Wonder Woman, am I glad to see you.
I must find Diana to tell her what's happened, but she isn't here.
- What happened? - It's terrible.
- Is it Steve? Major Trevor? - Yes.
No.
It's partly him.
Mostly it's about General Eisenhower.
The sabotage was just a trick to hide an attempt on his life.
Steve's trying to head him off now on the road to Point Lobo.
It's Eisenhower all right.
He's not alone.
There's a car following him.
We're being tailed, sir.
I'll try to outrun them.
They're making a run for it.
They don't know who we are.
That's Morse code, General.
T-R-E-V-O-R! Stop the car.
Sorry to show up this way, but you're headed into an ambush.
You were funneled onto this road by sabotage.
You must turn back at once.
We can hold our own from this position as long as our ammunition lasts.
We'll have to get smart, or lucky.
Look, it's Wonder Woman.
There's our luck, General, and it never came in a more beautiful package.
Are you all right? If they gave merit badges for being fantastic, you'd be an Eagle Scout! How did you find us? Etta told me what happened, but this is not over yet.
I think Monty Burns is behind this, and he's escaped.
Not far from here is an M.
P.
Phone box.
As soon as we get them to mop up here, we'll take care of your Mr.
Burns.
There! On the hill! And that's the story of what's happened here this evening, boys and girls.
And now, since it's a beauty contest that you've come to see I think it's time that you get to look at the one and only winner possible.
Here she is: Wonder Woman! I still don't understand what happened to Diana, Steve.
- She was supposed to be in the contest.
- It's simple, Etta.
When she found Wonder Woman was competing the poor kid probably threw in the sponge.
But what woman wouldn't? Wonder Woman is just too much.
Yes, Gen.
Blankenship.
That's wonderful.
Thank you, sir.
Goodbye.
Monty Burns and his entire ring have been arraigned in Washington.
The radar scanner's already a smashing success and Gen.
Eisenhower has nominated Wonder Woman for a special citation.
What about Lola Flynn? I feel rather sorry for her.
Her cooperation is being considered in her favor.
But espionage during wartime is still a very serious offence.
Jack Wood is trying to get her leniency.
He's hard to say no to.
I'm glad.
I've got to finish these requisition forms you requested.
We're running low on graph paper.
Graph paper? Is that all you can think of after all that's happened? Being in a beauty contest and meeting Jack Wood in person? And the ambush of Gen.
Eisenhower, and Wonder Woman and It's no use, Etta.
Our Diana is strictly business.
But maybe one of these days, she'll get tired of missing all the fun.
And when that happens, I'd love to be around.
You will be, Major.
That's a promise.
English
Security area.
"Q" clearance to go by.
Proceed.
Fort Russell's supposed to be one of our most secure posts but they still managed to get in some way.
We were lucky this time no one was killed, just some damage to this tunnel here.
But whoever it was knew just when we'd be transporting those radar scanner components.
"Q" security's the tightest we have yet they still seem to know just where to hit us.
That unexplained fire at Fort Hughes the gas main explosion at Camp MacKenzie, now this bombing.
All links in what we thought was a top-secret assembly chain.
Perhaps if we changed the assembly schedule.
No, it's too late for that.
The scanner is being assembled here at Fort Russell at three separate locations.
For the enemy to destroy it they must strike before final assembly tomorrow night.
Steve, that doesn't give you much time, but you have to do it.
You have to make sure that entire base is 100% secure.
I'll take care of it, sir.
Sir.
I still don't know how they got through.
Security is my business, Major Trevor, and you'd better believe I'm good at it.
Fort Russell is spread over 100 square miles and nobody crosses one inch of its perimeter without my knowing about it.
Except this time.
A mistake's been made, you're going to have to admit it.
- A faulty alarm system, a sleepy guard - Negative.
Every link in our security chain was and is solid.
That saboteur had to be a magician to get onto these grounds undetected.
- He might have been inside all along.
- There are 15,000 men stationed here.
An enemy agent could hide in the crowd and wait for his chance to strike.
I've got all personnel very carefully screened.
There's not a person here who hasn't been cleared for military purposes.
Does that include them, Colonel? They don't look very military to me.
Yeoman Prince is 100% right.
What are they doing at a top-security installation? They're boosting morale, Major.
The girls are all finalists in the Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl Beauty Contest.
They are certainly beautiful.
Yes, it will be tough picking the winner.
The finals are tomorrow at the Officers' Club.
That's the best place to hold it.
Officers and enlisted men all are invited.
Here they are, boys.
All the little cuties, they're here for you.
You can look at them, but don't touch.
- That's Jack Wood.
- Who? Only America's favorite radio comic.
He's doing his show here tomorrow.
Emceeing the beauty contest finals on a coast-to-coast broadcast.
Listen, if you guys still think that you're fighting for Mom's apple pie, see the chaplain.
And go easy on him.
He's always looking for miracles.
Come on, they're all here for you guys.
All right, that's enough, girls.
Come on, it's rehearsal time.
Let's go.
See you later, boys.
Don't worry about it.
They're all waiting for you.
Do you think it's wise giving civilians the run of the base? Jack Wood isn't just a civilian.
He's an institution, like Bob Hope or Babe Ruth.
Besides, his itinerary's been cleared by Washington.
Last week he ran a preliminary contest at Fort Hughes four days later, he did the same at Camp MacKenzie and now he's here for the finals and, believe me, we're glad to have him.
First Fort Hughes, then Camp MacKenzie, and now Fort I presume you've prepared dossiers on Mr.
Wood and his troupe.
I'd like to see them, if I may.
Yes, of course, I'll get them ready for you.
Fine.
I'll meet you in your office.
Yes, I noticed it, too, Diana.
They played every stop on the sabotage circuit.
It'd make a great cover for an enemy operation.
Perhaps if we could get one of our own agents into that beauty contest.
Might flush them out.
Take a really beautiful girl, though, someone with all the right qualifications.
Well, I'd be willing to try.
Thanks, Diana, I know you'd do a wonderful job but this calls for a really gorgeous girl.
Someone who looks great in a bathing suit.
I won't be needing you for a while, is there anything you'd like to do? I could do some shopping at the PX and just take a bus back to Washington.
- Lf you don't mind.
- That's fine.
Thank you.
All right, let's try it for real this time.
Monty, one, two, three, four.
Lower the stars.
All together, please.
Excellent.
And right.
Very good.
Good.
And forward.
And up stage.
Monty, hold it.
Somebody made a mistake.
Come on.
All right, one more time.
From the top.
One, two, three, four.
Mitzie.
- Yes? - There are no turns in this number.
I'm sorry, I didn't know there weren't any turns.
- Sorry - You're just trying too hard, darling.
At least I know how to smile.
Is that what that is? I thought it was something you ate.
Will you stop it? Will you cut it out? - She started it.
- Now let's try it again.
And stop behaving like a herd of sheep.
- Can we take it from the top, please, Lola? - I'm trying, Monty.
All right, girls, from the top.
One, two, three, four.
Excuse me, but I'd like to find out about the Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl Contest.
You're a little late, dear.
There are no more openings.
I never heard of that.
She's beautiful.
Listen, I'm Lola Flynn.
I'm running this contest for Jack Wood, and we sure could use you.
- What's your name? - Diana.
Diana Paradise.
- I'd love to be in your contest.
- It isn't fair to the other girls.
We like things the way they are.
I agree.
Besides, we don't know anything about her.
What's to know? She wants to enter a beauty contest, not medical school.
We ought to grab her.
- Are you working here on the base? - Yes, I am just now.
That works fine because you'll have to be confined with the rest to quarters.
Some dumb regulation that has to do with security.
I still don't think we should upset the others for the sake of a late arrival.
Break it up! Listen, we got a slew of tired G.
I.
S coming here tomorrow night to look at girls.
Depriving them of this baby doll would be unpatriotic.
Tell me about yourself, sugar.
Never mind the dull stuff, get right to your phone number.
But all of us have been working so hard on our routines for the talent contest.
If she's not prepared, she'll make us look bad.
The dragon lady's got a point.
Can you sing, dance or play a musical instrument? Yes.
What would you like me to do for you first? If I answer that, the draft board will say that I'm young enough to fight.
How about some hoofing? Make with the eighty-eights, professor.
One, two, three, four.
Sign her up.
I've got to go for now, girls.
I've got a golf date with my favorite brass hat, Colonel Flint.
His security staff are the ones protecting you girls from the love-starved soldiers at Fort Russell.
- Boo! - Bye, girls.
All right, everybody take five.
We've got a lot of work before tomorrow.
When can you start? This afternoon, if you like.
I have to take care of a few things first.
- Fine.
How about 3:00? - That's fine.
Thank you.
- Diana? - Yes? I was going to wish you luck, but you don't need it.
You remind me, kind of, of myself, a few centuries ago.
It's unfair to judge yourself by the criterion of age.
A vital, intelligent woman is much more than the sum of her birthdays.
Yeah, well, maybe it'll be that way for you, but for me my high point was when I was 19 and I was Miss American Beauty.
From then on, it was downhill all the way.
Remember, 3:00.
- You kind of like her, don't you? - Yes.
I think she isn't as hard as she would like to be.
Good.
It's always nice to make new friends.
But there'll only be one winner in the contest, and you're looking at her.
I thought the judges were going to make that decision.
Just stay out of my way, sweetheart.
I'm going to be Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl and be in Jack's next movie and anybody who tries to stop me better watch her step.
So, as you can see, Major, everyone's been checked and double-checked.
Maybe, but I'm still going to stay with the inside job theory a little longer.
We'll be in touch.
Let's get out of here.
- Thanks, Wonder Woman.
- They don't seem too dangerous now.
One of these days I'm going to find out how you always know when I need you.
Let's find out what they know.
- About the sabotage ring.
- They're probably part of it.
Whoever's trying to destroy the scanner doesn't want me to investigate.
All right, out.
Both of you.
What do you know about this scanner Wait! They won't go far.
What is this? It's a little dinky rope, but I can't move.
No one can resist the Golden Lasso.
It binds all who it encircles and compels them to tell the truth.
I can't think of a better time to ask them a few questions.
Who's leading the attempts on the scanner project? We never heard of your project, whatchamacallit.
We were paid to hit Major Steve Trevor.
$500, no questions asked.
But you had to get the money and your assignment from someone.
Who was that person? Nobody.
A phone call gave us the job.
The money and instructions were in a locker at the railroad station.
We don't know anything else.
So the real saboteur hired some cheap muscle to get me out of the way.
- He must know you're looking for him.
- And he's getting nervous.
He might make another attempt on your life.
I don't think he'd risk giving himself away to get me a second time.
He's after the scanner project, I'll be after him as soon as I take them to the police.
In the car, you drive.
Would you rather take your car? I wonder if you can cook.
In the car.
In the front seat.
- Please be careful.
- I'd like to be, there just isn't time.
Okay, thanks.
I was right.
There's no Diana Paradise working on this base.
She's a phony.
So she made up a fake story to enter a big-time beauty contest.
I did the same thing when I was a kid on the make.
Don't worry about it.
I never worry, Lola.
If she's interested in more than just the beauty contest, it's too bad.
She's had it.
This isn't as easy as it looks in the movies.
- That's better, chin up, back straight.
- Better? - Is that really you? - Yeah, isn't it amazing? If I thought a wig would do that for me, I'd shave my head.
The transformation's incredible.
But why? I've entered the Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl Contest.
That's wonderful.
I'm using the name Diana Paradise so that no one can trace me to Military Intelligence.
Excuse me.
I think it's great that you're doing this.
It shows a lot of initiative.
Go back to Fort Russell and keep your eyes open.
I'll to try to get a focus on this operation.
If I have anything, I'll call you.
I'll say I'm your Uncle George.
Clear? Yes, sir.
Uncle George.
I'd better get back to the base now because I'm expected by 3:00.
I'll drive you.
Thank you.
- Diana? - Yes, sir? It's funny, but seeing you in that dress makes me realize you look like somebody.
Who? Joan Crawford.
I'm very flattered, sir.
Around the ankles.
Thanks.
- Don't tell me she's still in there.
- So what else is new? Come on.
Rita, what took so long? We're all waiting to get in the shower.
It takes her longer, because she's dirtier than the rest of us.
How would you like to smile for the judges with no front teeth? All right, girls, break it up.
Nobody's going to be Miss Dream Girl with a black eye and a fat lip.
Now, most you kids seem okay, so if Rita or somebody acts up just don't encourage them, all right? But she's always picking on me.
We just wanted to wash up, and get a little beauty sleep.
If sleep makes one beautiful then all of you must have had insomnia for years.
One more day.
I'm sorry about the accommodations, but you're too late for one of the choice bunks.
This will be quite comfortable, I'm sure.
Thank you.
You seem like a nice kid.
- I think I ought to warn you.
- Warn me about what? There's a lot more at stake here than a beauty contest for some people.
Don't panic, girls.
I came here to tuck you in.
If any of you get thirsty during the night, I just Yes, go on.
Just do as you're told and be careful.
Extra careful.
Do exactly what I tell you to, all right? Listen, are they treating you girls all right? - Yeah! - Nuts! And I wore a rubber shirt so that you could cry on my shoulder.
There's a few personal things I'd like to go over with you.
It won't take long.
That's what I'm afraid of, honey.
I'd love to get to know you girls better, but if I do people will say I'm low and corruptible enough to trade my vote as a contest judge for a little smooching.
And they're right.
Front and center! Diana.
- Well, well.
How's it going? - Fine, Mr.
Wood and I can't thank you enough for allowing me to become a contestant.
I do.
Meet me tonight on the firing range at 12:00.
Bring an evening gown and bananas because, when I monkey around I use real monkeys.
I didn't know you worked with animals.
Are you kidding? Didn't you ever see my band? Oh, boy! Even with all these curves, this kid would make a great straight man.
Wait a minute.
Why don't I use you tomorrow night in the magic pit? That's a good idea.
Wait a minute, let me get some magic props here and we're gonna work this out.
Do exactly what I tell you to do, all right? Just follow me, and hang loose.
Little magic music, please.
Here's what we do.
There's the audience.
Hello, how are you? Here's my pretty assistant.
Hold this, like this.
I take this out and show it to the audience, right? There.
They can see it's completely empty.
I put in here, like this.
Put the top down on the table.
I put it here like this, and suddenly, abracadabra and what have we got here? Look at this, she's a natural.
Lola, sign her up.
- Tell Wardrobe to dress her skimpily.
- Right, Jack.
All right, good night, girls.
I'll see you in my dreams.
That magic bit was supposed to be mine.
I told you to stay out of my way, and right away you cozy up to the star.
- That never entered my mind, Rita.
- No? Well, let's see how you feel about this entering your nose! Rita, knock it off or you're out of the contest.
- Are you all right? - I'm fine, thank you.
Diana, there's a phone for you.
It's your Uncle George.
Thank you, Miss Flynn.
Diana, no more personal calls.
It's in the rules.
Yes, ma'am.
- Hello? Uncle George? - Just listen, Diana.
I've been checking, and the blast at the tunnel wasn't the first attempt on the scanner project.
The other attempt missed, too.
Damaged a base access road.
It looked like an accident, so nobody reported it.
That's very interesting, Uncle George, but is there anything else you wanted to tell me? I'm not allowed to have any more personal calls.
- It's in the rules.
- I understand, so I'll make it fast.
The final radar component will be completed at the Fort's electrical sub-station at 0100 hours tonight.
It's located directly behind the motor pool.
The saboteur has to try for it, and I'll be waiting for him.
I want you to watch for any activity in the Jack Wood's group that might clue us in to the saboteur's identity.
- Good hunting.
- Same to you, Uncle George.
I don't know what game you're playing, sweetheart but whatever it is, little Rita's going to find out all about it.
Excuse me, Rita.
- Steve.
- My head.
They didn't get the scanner, did they? No, some electrical equipment's been destroyed and someone will have to account for a missing tailgate but the project's all right.
- How are you? - I'm okay.
The guards are coming.
I better go.
But, Wonder Woman, I I'm sure everything's under control.
Just go back to bed and leave whatever's happening outside to the Army.
Maybe what's happening was caused by someone who shouldn't be outside.
Diana's missing.
Diana knows the rules.
I'm sure she's not gone.
Then a search will turn her up, right? I told you she took off.
She knows the rules, and she's out of the contest.
What's going on out here? Diana, I knew you were someplace.
I just never thought of the shower.
It was hot and I couldn't sleep.
What about this? I found it on your pillow.
That's the only thing false about her, Rita.
Can you say the same? All right, everybody back to sleep.
It's going to be a big day tomorrow.
Good night, again.
Don't turn the light on.
What's going on out there? It sounds like a war.
An unexpected visit from Wonder Woman.
What's more, our late arrival, Diana Paradise? - She's up to something.
- Diana? Are you sure? - What're you going to do? - I don't know, but I'll think of something.
I don't want to be involved.
I'm sorry you feel that way, Lola.
Our primary purpose was not to sabotage the radar project.
It was just a cover to ensure the success of our real mission.
My dear, we're going to assassinate a very important general named Dwight D.
Eisenhower.
I hope General Eisenhower understands why we had to change the departure time.
I informed the General of the botched sabotage attempts at Fort Russell.
Nothing to worry about it.
You'll just have to take a longer approach route.
As long as he has time to check out that special project - before it's sent on to New York.
- He'll have plenty of time.
And you also get a bonus.
You can catch the finals of the Miss Dream Girl contest.
Jack Wood is broadcasting it from Fort Russell.
That's a good idea.
It's good for the soldiers' morale.
Good for the officers' morale, as well.
Sabotage try one: Closed an access road.
Two: Shut down the tunnel.
Three: Last night, blew up part of the electrical system that services the fort's auxiliary airfield.
At least they didn't wreck the radar scanner.
- That's the important thing.
- Is it? How can an agent clever enough to penetrate our defenses miss his target three times out of three? Good news, Steve.
We've won.
The radar scanner's completed.
The components are being assembled now so the device will be operational in time for his personal inspection.
Whose inspection, sir? An officer the War Department is high on, name of Eisenhower.
Sorry to keep you in the dark about that, but he's involved in some top-level stuff.
We considered his travel plans so important, no one was supposed to know.
Like the radar scanner.
But the enemy still knew about it.
General, what route is Eisenhower taking to Fort Russell? - His route? - Yeah.
Well, originally he was to stop at Fort Hughes for a special debriefing session with a Special Forces officer of Camp MacKenzie.
Cancelled because of accidents at both installations.
A fire at Hughes, a gas main blow-up at MacKenzie.
So Eisenhower is forced to come directly to Fort Russell.
I repeat, sir, by what route? A plane from Randolph Field to the auxiliary landing strip Closed by sabotage to the electrical system.
Then south on the access road through the service tunnel.
But, sir, the road and the tunnel were closed by sabotage, too.
Leaving the only route into Fort Russell a landing at this civilian airstrip west of the perimeter and the fire road behind the old artillery range entering the base at Point Lobo.
- A perfect spot for an ambush.
- Good Lord.
It wasn't the radar scanner the saboteurs were after.
They were creating a funnel through which Eisenhower had to enter the fort.
Etta, call Diana at the Officers' Club theater.
Say Uncle George has an urgent message, and tell her what happened.
We'll alert Point Lobo and the Fort by car radio on our way to the landing site.
We've got to try and head him off.
Communications? Gen.
Blankenship's priority clearance.
I have to place a call to the theater at Fort Russell right away.
I just feel there's something not right about Diana Paradise.
This is a beauty contest, and she's a pretty girl.
What's wrong with that? You know what I mean.
She's not interested in some dumb beauty contest.
If that's the way it is, that'll be the end of her.
Monty, I've told you, I don't want to hear you talking that way anymore.
All right, girls, let's take a look at the costumes.
They all look fine.
Better hurry and get into your bathing suits.
That costume should be mine.
It doesn't even look right on her.
We've no time for that.
They're lining up, and Jack's warm up is in 20 minutes.
Come on, girls, let's get going.
Officers' Club Theater.
Diana Paradise? Hold on.
Hello? Operator, we've been cut off.
The call was for me, my Uncle George.
No personal calls, Miss Paradise.
No exceptions.
Whatever you say, Mr.
Burns.
Fella, would you lower the PA? We're getting feedback on the speakers.
Watch it, this thing weighs a ton.
If it ever came down, somebody could get killed.
Somebody could get killed.
It's no use, Steve.
We have 15 miles to go.
Eisenhower's plane is in radio silence.
Then we must reach him before he starts for Point Lobo.
- Blankenship, here.
- General, it's Etta.
I can't reach Diana.
- They're not answering the phone.
- Get an M.
P.
To get you to theater.
Tell her in person, fast! Yes, sir, but it'll be too late for Diana to do anything and she'll be worried about you and General Eisenhower.
Sir, I know this isn't very military, but I hate a crisis situation.
- Pull yourself together, Etta.
- Yes, sir.
Over and out.
Step on it, Steve.
Okay, fella.
Take it up, will you? That's it.
The place is filling up with soldiers.
Monty, what you said about Diana You won't do anything, will you? Don't worry.
It'll be over quickly.
I can't let that happen.
That's got to be stopped, now.
That's not possible, Lola.
First, because you're in this up to your neck and, second, because it's too late.
It's already started.
My men are in position by now.
The main attraction, ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and mine your Miss G.
I.
Dream Girl.
Aren't they lovely? They're all dream girls, each and every one of them.
His plane's already landed.
Maybe he's still here.
We missed him.
He can't be far ahead.
I hope it's not too late.
If Point Lobo doesn't respond that trap could be set already.
Yes, sir.
That's something they'll never replace with synthetics.
Isn't she wonderful? The girls will show the judges that they've got something going for them besides beauty: Me! But seriously, folks, this is the talent part of our competition and our next contestant, direct from New York City the very lovely, vivacious Miss Betty Lou Capaletti in her own fantasy in dance! Let's hear it for Betty Lou! Where are you going? I've got to see Diana Paradise.
It's a matter of life or death.
Sorry, but you'll have to wait till after the show.
I said, after the show.
Excuse me.
Miss Flynn, I can't find my costume for the number with Mr.
Wood.
It's not in my locker.
It's got to be.
You had it on at dress rehearsal.
I hate to be the one to say it, but where is Rita right this minute? I mean, she doesn't have to change until next to last.
How about that for a double-jointed baby doll? Honey, fold yourself up and wait for me in my glove compartment.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's my turn.
I'm not going to get to you with beauty but I've still got a couple of things going for me.
This is one of them, and this is the other.
Here I am, Mr.
Wood.
It is Rita.
She's taken my place.
I may as well get ready for the evening gown parade.
You can't go through with this.
You're making a mistake.
Lola, you leave me with no alternative.
See how easy it is to get rid of you, my dear? You can talk about your big finish, but this is ridiculous.
What's going on here? The Jack Wood Show spares no expense.
Nice to see you, Wonder Woman, but I'm sorry, I do a single.
Mr.
Wood, it is very important that no one leave this theater.
I won't argue with you, doll.
You've got to admit, this is better than army training films on athlete's foot.
Wonder Woman, am I glad to see you.
I must find Diana to tell her what's happened, but she isn't here.
- What happened? - It's terrible.
- Is it Steve? Major Trevor? - Yes.
No.
It's partly him.
Mostly it's about General Eisenhower.
The sabotage was just a trick to hide an attempt on his life.
Steve's trying to head him off now on the road to Point Lobo.
It's Eisenhower all right.
He's not alone.
There's a car following him.
We're being tailed, sir.
I'll try to outrun them.
They're making a run for it.
They don't know who we are.
That's Morse code, General.
T-R-E-V-O-R! Stop the car.
Sorry to show up this way, but you're headed into an ambush.
You were funneled onto this road by sabotage.
You must turn back at once.
We can hold our own from this position as long as our ammunition lasts.
We'll have to get smart, or lucky.
Look, it's Wonder Woman.
There's our luck, General, and it never came in a more beautiful package.
Are you all right? If they gave merit badges for being fantastic, you'd be an Eagle Scout! How did you find us? Etta told me what happened, but this is not over yet.
I think Monty Burns is behind this, and he's escaped.
Not far from here is an M.
P.
Phone box.
As soon as we get them to mop up here, we'll take care of your Mr.
Burns.
There! On the hill! And that's the story of what's happened here this evening, boys and girls.
And now, since it's a beauty contest that you've come to see I think it's time that you get to look at the one and only winner possible.
Here she is: Wonder Woman! I still don't understand what happened to Diana, Steve.
- She was supposed to be in the contest.
- It's simple, Etta.
When she found Wonder Woman was competing the poor kid probably threw in the sponge.
But what woman wouldn't? Wonder Woman is just too much.
Yes, Gen.
Blankenship.
That's wonderful.
Thank you, sir.
Goodbye.
Monty Burns and his entire ring have been arraigned in Washington.
The radar scanner's already a smashing success and Gen.
Eisenhower has nominated Wonder Woman for a special citation.
What about Lola Flynn? I feel rather sorry for her.
Her cooperation is being considered in her favor.
But espionage during wartime is still a very serious offence.
Jack Wood is trying to get her leniency.
He's hard to say no to.
I'm glad.
I've got to finish these requisition forms you requested.
We're running low on graph paper.
Graph paper? Is that all you can think of after all that's happened? Being in a beauty contest and meeting Jack Wood in person? And the ambush of Gen.
Eisenhower, and Wonder Woman and It's no use, Etta.
Our Diana is strictly business.
But maybe one of these days, she'll get tired of missing all the fun.
And when that happens, I'd love to be around.
You will be, Major.
That's a promise.
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