Worst Week s01e03 Episode Script

You know, most people don't keep their participation trophies.
You're in my room a lot.
I like that smile.
You're a little less freaked out than you - were last night about that painting? - I wasn't freaked out.
It's all good.
You had every right.
Anyway, doesn't matter.
Just got of the phone with Adam.
He says he can fix up the portrait of your dad.
Good.
The guy who begged for a graphic design job at your magazine after he got kicked out They kicked him out of that art school because his work was too interesting.
This is a big deal.
My mom organized the whole party around the painting.
- Don't worry, he's on his way over.
- He-he's doing it here? - In the basement? - I'm gonna stand by the door.
Make sure no one goes down there.
I'm a fixer.
I'm gonna fix this.
I'm gonna wrap this up, and then i can focus on the little mishap with your brother.
Would've been nice if you would've told me he was coming, by the way.
- And that he was black.
- I really thought you knew that.
How would i have.
Well, i guess 'cause you're black.
Funny.
Look, David is the nicest guy in the world.
He'll totally forgive you.
We can get this thing back on track?And tell these people we're having a baby.
You never stop trying.
I love that.
Hey, what? I'm sorry.
You don't like that.
No, I like it a lot.
I'm just a little worried.
That that's gonna happen.
- I good lord.
- Hey, dad.
Mel, you know i don't approve of this sort of thing going on under my roof.
I know.
I told her we should do it in the yard.
This isn't a good time for a joke.
-= 103 =- The Monitor [Sub-Way.
fr.]
Okay, hold on one second.
Because i want to savor this.
Check.
Hey, guys.
Chess.
Love it.
Who's winning? Black or white? You guys know i was talking about the pieces on the board.
Not skin tones of people at the table.
How are you feeling, by the way? He's probably feeling like someone hit him in the head with a shovel.
You know what? I'm fine, dad.
Sam meant well and it was an honest mistake.
You know, i think you're taking this Rae Shan bal a little too seriously.
Maybe.
What's the what is that? What? Rae Sham boo.
Bal.
Rae Sham Bal was gandhi's mentor.
His teaching are what inspired me to get into medicine.
All right, i think i have a parry for this desperation move of yours.
- Desperation move.
- Interesting.
I have a l God.
For god's sake.
- Let's go for a walk.
- No, don't, guys.
I saw where everything was.
I actually have a photographic memory.
I can remember this.
This was on black.
I know that-guys.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Hey, Sarah, how are you? I'm terrible.
Thank you.
I was up and down all night with the baby.
And now chad called.
He's gonna be delayed at the hague and won't be here till tomorrow.
So Scotty's all upset because chad was supposed to take him to the mall to see Peacemon.
- Peacemon? - He's an alternative superhero.
Instead of fighting, he disarms his enemies by sharing.
- And solves conflicts with a hug.
- You know, i can take Scotty to see pizza man.
Maybe that'll cheer him up.
No.
It's Peacemon, mom.
And thanks, but there's no way he'll go without chad.
It's kind of their thing.
Well, then i'm gonna invite him to make jam with with me.
Brice and i are done.
- Chloe's here.
Hi, honey! - My life is over.
Don't follow me! Is that me? That's mine.
Yeah, that's mine.
Listen.
I just put this on here.
I better grab this.
Hang on.
- Adam, where are you? - I'm on my way.
Relax.
I can't relax.
If people find out i burned that painting i'm dead.
We all die eventually, don't we? Okay, that's a great pep talk.
Thank you.
Scotty.
Hey, buddy.
- I'm not crying.
- It's okay to cry.
- I bet i bet peacemon cries.
- He cries tears of Joy.
Figures.
Does he ever jump on beds? - I'm not allowed to.
- 'cause that's what cheers me up.
All rit, ready? One, two.
That was a fun game.
I know.
You know what's another fun game? "Don't tell mommy.
" All right.
- That cheered you up? - Come on, come on, come on.
No, i just went that way.
I just went that way.
I'm proud of you doing such good work in that war zone.
But i'm glad to have you home, out of harm's way.
Chloe, honey, please open the door.
I have to say i never liked Brice.
You're 26.
Lose the bowtie.
Look who Sam found.
- look at you.
- Can i go play? Sure.
Yeah.
He was so sad before.
Did you see that sunshiney little face? You're a miracle worker.
I'm just a man.
It's too bad you can't do the same thing for Chloe.
One miracle a day.
That's my limit.
- You know what? - I know what will cheer her up.
A sneak peak of your father's portrait.
- Or Sam could try.
- Yeah, you know, i'll try, i'll try.
Hey, Chloe.
How you doing? Oh, my god.
He cheated on me.
With some slutty girl willing to sleep with him.
We were supposed to get married.
I was saving myself.
- Seriously? - Why, is that so strange? No, no.
No, it's, it's just, how's that going for you? It's not like i'm a prude.
Believe me, waiting makes you really creative.
After all those years, - i got really good at using - Man.
Look at this.
Look at that.
Dad's got one of these.
Hey, i can see your pain.
But, you know, i just want to say we've all been there, I mean once upon a time, i had a girl-whew.
She broke up with me and i thought my world was over.
I didn't eat.
I didn't sleep.
Didn't feed my cat.
So i had to take Brian to the vet.
And that's where i met your sister.
- See my point? - Who's Brian? Okay, i'll go back.
Brian's a cat.
- So i should get a cat? - Okay, one more time.
You are right, Sam.
It is time for me to get over Brice and his lies and his perfect teeth.
I'm gonna meet somebody totally different.
I'll get it.
Scotty and Chloe.
You're a regular hero.
Watch your back, Pizzamon.
- I'm, kind of on fire today.
- Yeah, what did you say to her? I don't know.
I just told her sometimes when one door closes, another one opens.
- Hi, i'm Adam.
- Hi.
I'm Chloe.
Milady.
Chloe, this is Adam.
- Angela, Adam.
We work together.
- We've met.
Yes, we have.
Boys, what happened? Some Jackass sped by.
He almost killed David.
Hey, daddy.
Meet Sam's friend Adam.
- Greetings.
- Wait, you're the Jackass.
You should watch where you're driving.
You know what? It's fine, it's fine.
Dad, it's just water and something that smells bad.
But Come on.
Let's get you cleaned up.
No footprints on the berber! - Who's the black fella? Nip it.
- Adam and i are gonna go working now.
Sam, Scotty wants to know if you would take him to the mall to seepeacemon.
- Gosh, buddy, thanks for the invite.
- But we got work to do.
No, you can go.
I can handle it on my own.
Yeah, i'll make sure he stays out of trouble.
Thanks Chloe, but it's a two-person job.
I need to be there to supervise and You should go.
You know, i'm sure there's work Adam can do on his own.
And i will make sure no one bothers him.
* We like peace * * and we like love * * there's no need * * to push or shove * * from the tallest man * * to the tiny bug * * everybody * * needs a hug.
* - Come here, little man.
- Isn't he awesome, Sam? Yeah, he's awesome.
- Mellie, have you seen your father? - Yeah, he's in the living room.
Perfect.
Now i can sneak David down to the basement to see the portrait.
No, don't do that.
No, David's terrible at keeping secrets.
Remember your surprise birthday party last year? - Well, that party wasn't a surprise.
- Exactly.
- Yeah, Mon.
- All right, all right.
You ready? Ready to see Peacemon? All right.
What? Come on, Mon.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, i need you back here.
- We haven't even seen peace dork yet.
- I don't know how much longer i can hold down the fort over here? I can't keep my mom away from that portrait.
- All right, we gotta go.
- But i didn't get to hug Peacemon.
Okay, stay right here, all right? Excuse me Mr.
Peacemon? I just wondering you might be getting back out there.
Yeah, Mon, in a bit.
I just have a kid out there that would love a quick hug.
Too bad, Mon.
- Excuse me? - I said too bad, man.
Maybe i'll just bring him in here real quick.
You put out whatever it is you smoking no judgment.
Actually, some judgment.
But kids are out there.
You shouldn't be doing that.
- Get the hell out of my hut.
- You need to get out there do your job.
Blow the kid a kiss.
I don't care.
But i need to get outta here.
I said get the hell out of my hut.
That was cool, Sam.
I can't wait to tell my mom.
No, Scotty.
This is one of those fun things we don't tell your mom, okay? Okay.
- Do i have anything in my teeth? - I don't know.
Let me see.
Excuse me.
Did you figure out the thing with the thing? - I gotta the deal.
- What are you talking about? Dude, what you can't be how much work have you done on the painting? - I'm almost done.
- You haven't done any, have you? - I'm in love.
- No, you're not.
Now please get down there and get to work.
Fine.
- All the way down.
- I'm going.
There you are.
Thank god.
I have no idea where Adam and Chloe are.
Relax, we're good.
Adam's downstairs working on the paintings.
Scotty had a good time at the mall.
Everything's fine.
- Everything's fine? - Everything's fine? That's fine.
Yeah, everything's fine.
Well, maybe it's finally time to tell everyone about the baby.
- Really? - Well, everything is fine.
All right.
Let's do it.
Hey, everybody.
Where's Adam? He's working.
He'll be up soon.
Someone's modeling you.
Chad is gonna be very jealous.
Sam's my best friend.
- Dick, did you hear that? - Last time he was here, his best friend was a wash cloth shaped like an alligator.
- But that's nice though.
- Well, anyway, - we have some news.
- Is it important? Cause if it is, we should wait for David.
He's on the phone.
He's settling a dispute between two of his patients in Nairobi.
Scotty, your uncle David is a real-life Peacemon.
So, peace prevails again.
Why? Where did you learn that? Coming up, brawl at the mall.
Hey, it's Sam on TV! An out-of-control shopper attacked a beloved advocate of peace.
It was business as usual at the fairfax mall.
Hundreds of young fans.
I thought everything was fine.
It's amazing.
Dude, i can't tell you how much i needed this to go right.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
You slapped me.
I'm sorry.
You know, i supported you when you fell in love.
I fell in love over a series of months, - not a series of minutes.
- Well, my heart can't tell time, Sam.
Please, Adam.
Chloe is my future father-in-law's precious baby girl.
He hates me already.
Please leave it alone.
Well, you owe me one.
Big time.
Thank you.
- Are you leaving? - Yes, he is.
I know.
But we're about to have dinner.
I set a place for you.
It'd be rude to leave an empty place at the table.
I don't know.
Not really.
I don't think these days - It's a big deal.
- Yeah, that's rude.
You save villages.
It's amazing.
It really is.
- You save lives, inevitably.
- Okay.
No, i don't do desserts.
You know that.
Take a bite.
It's my rum cake.
And you won't need an after dinner drink with that.
I put a whole bottle of rum in there.
I dropped my napkin.
Here, here, take mine.
- Fire! Fire! - It's okay.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
And you know what? I shouldn't even eat this anyway.
- So this is sorry.
- This is actually a good thing.
I'm gonna go watch a movie.
Anybody interested in watching love, actually.
Yes, actually.
I'm glad you suggested that.
I wanted to see that in the theaters.
I don't know how i missed it.
I remember you telling me that you wouldn't see that movie unless someone killed you and dragged your bloody corpse into the theater.
- I was psyched to see it.
- You know, i think i'll watch too.
Really? Just doesn't seem like your type of movie, dad.
No, i think you're gonna love it, dad.
It's so cute.
Oh, god.
I just need chad to get here.
I'm hiding from the baby for a minute.
I know it's wrong.
I just i CA.
I can't.
I'm just too tired.
Sarah, why don't you let us take the monitor for tonight? - Come on, you need some rest.
- No, i don't think you understand.
- You're gonna be up every few hours.
- We can do it.
It's the least that we can do.
Especially after Sam and Scotty's little adventure - with Peacemon today.
- Yeah, come on, let me redeem myself.
Well, i could use a little beauty sleep.
- Hand over that monitor, little lady.
- Okay.
Good luck, guys, and god bless.
Take that, Peacemon! Oh, Jeez, honey.
This is not a toy, okay? And we need to pretend to like peacemon.
Okay? All right.
Now go back to bed.
You're the best, Sam.
All right, good night! It's late? Well might be time for all of us to go to bed.
Yeah.
Should probably get going.
Come in.
Sorry.
I've been thinking a lot about- lot of pillows there.
I wanted to apologize for everything today.
It's been crazy.
And if i were you, i would be furious.
You know, over the past couple years, i've been in some pretty ugly situations and even in those, never lost my cool.
So i don't think i'm gonna lose it over this.
Amazing.
You're like part man, part robot, all saint.
- Well, someday.
- Why don't you get to sleep? - Good night, Sam.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night.
Straight to bed now, sweetheart.
You've had a hard day.
The best thing for you will be a good night's sleep.
Thanks, dad.
I'm gonna get a glass of water.
- All right, good night.
- Good night.
Thought you'd never come back.
Okay, come on.
We need privacy.
I was gonna leave the monitor with Sam and Mel, but i just couldn't do it.
- I'm gonna put her in bed with me.
- You're a good mommy.
- Okay, good night, sweetie.
- Good night.
This is much better than my room.
It's farther from my parents.
That's good, 'cause i'm a screamer.
We could do it against the crib.
Your brother is the best.
My friend almost hits him with a car.
I trained Scotty to punch him.
I almost set him on fire at dinner.
Anyone else would've thought i was trying to kill him.
But not david.
I told you.
It's impossible to make him mad.
And the painting.
You gotta see the painting.
It's perfect.
It's completely fixed.
Wanna know why? 'cause i am a fixer.
Wait, what about Adam? Is he still trying to maul my sister? Nope, your dad didn't like that, so i got rid of Adam.
I fixed that too.
Good.
And we're back on track to tell your parents about the baby.
- After a good night's sleep, - Yeah, good luck with that.
- What? - Remember, we volunteered - to take the baby scream amplifier.
- The monitor.
- I think i dropped it in David's room.
- Okay.
Okay! You son of a bitch! You are trying to kill me! And i will tear your ass up! No, David, please.
I was-i thought i left a baby monitor in here.
You know what? Go back to sleep.
I don't like the way that Sam's friend was looking at Chloe.
That was just an innocent flirtation.
Nothing will come of that.
What was that? - You're a really good kisser.
- That sounds like i know what that sounds like.
Where's that coming from? Honey, it's coming from there under the-under the bed.
- What? - That's good.
What the hell is this? Oh, god! Honey! It's okay.
No one can hear us.
Adam, take me! Hey, guys, i think i left the baby monitor in here.