Wreck (2022) s01e03 Episode Script
Showtime!
It's with regret we have
to inform you of
the passing of one of your own,
Danny Jones.
He was my main suspect.
Strange coincidence he's suddenly
just been found dead.
Did she charge her phone?
She wanted off the ship.
Oh, whoa. What was she doing?
He's got a tattoo.
Did Danny have one?
No tattoo.
What happened to him?
They lied to us.
You think the fella in
the photo killed Danny?
You should speak to the Filipinos.
You need someone to vouch
for you, like.
Olly.
Mysterious, aren't you?
Your man, he's an officer.
We quit. Deal your own shit.
You're done when I say you're done.
Are we in a mafia drug war?
Do we need protection?
Who are you?
SCREAMS
Mate, we're in deep.
I'm calling the police.
It's mayday time.
MUZAK PLAYS
Here we are, young lady.
Hot as hell out there.
You were short last time.
I don't think we
You were short.
Huh.
That'll be the wife.
The old think box ain't what it used
to be.
Are we happy?
We're happy.
Oh how much for this?
BEEPING
What's in the box?
POUNDING DANCE MUSIC
WALTZ MUSIC
MIC FEEDBACK
Testing. One, two, three.
You saved her life.
She at least owes you
a conversation.
I've tried. For two days.
She won't speak to me.
She's scared.
So she should be.
There's a killer on board
and this psycho is still out
there waiting
to have another pop,
and you're on his radar now too.
I was so close.
I wish I could've just got
a look at him.
Do you think it was him,
the officer with the fish tattoo?
All right,
wakey-wakey, eggs-and-fucking-bakey.
This is the most important night
of your lives.
The captain's ball, baby.
Our headline event.
The Sacramentum has become
the gold standard,
that by which all other cruise
formals are measured.
And, by Christ,
tonight will run tighter than
a camel's arse in
a sandstorm.
This is the one night we have all
our whales in one place.
Whales?
Big spenders.
Tonight is all about
the squandering
of their hard-earned moolah
on marked-up booze and,
if you're lucky, big, sexy tips.
Yeah.
Sam.
Karen. Doors open at six.
We need our first-class guests
seated at
the captain's table ASAP.
At 20.00 hours,
the captain makes his first toast.
What the fuck is that there? Which
of you tit-wanks set this table?
Was it you?
Did you call the police?
A detective is on the way.
H-How do you know? Look,
I've been trying to tell you.
Danny didn't jump, he was murdered.
No. Yes. We saw his body.
Velorum are lying.
You need to speak to the police.
Whoever killed Danny came
for you the other night.
This won't end,
not unless you end it.
No. It's not that simple.
You have no idea what I'm dealing
with.
Smacked off his tits.
Sweet Jesus, today of all days.
You know we've got
a copper en route, don't you?
I want a full shakedown, boys.
Cabin-to-cabin, hole-to-hole.
Show's over! Back to it.
Right, in uniform
and back here on time.
So, the cavalry's really arriving.
Once they know Danny
was murdered
They'll have to reopen Pippa's case.
We've just got to hope
Sophia keeps her head down.
Wait, so are you telling me they
could shut
the ship down?
Today could be the last day?
I hope we readjust on
the outside. You know,
people underestimate
the psychological impact
of incarceration.
Where will you go?
Dunno, but right now anywhere on
dry land sounds good. Mm.
I couldn't have got this far
without you.
The least I could do is offer you
somewhere to stay.
I mean, we ended up with a spare
room, so
Jamie, I can't take
your sister's Oh, no,
I don't mean Pippa's room. No,
we've got a nice cosy cupboard under
the stairs!
I mean it, though - about the room,
not the cupboard.
Thank you.
Room service.
Huh? No, but I'm working the ball.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's fine.
Hang on, hang on. And she's gone.
Ooh la la, first-class.
Oh, going up in the world.
It's your turn to check on Cormac.
You're almost at the finish line.
You can't let him blow everything!
All right, ladies,
here we go, contraband searchio.
I don't touch drugs.
Shite. What we got,
Frodo, you got anything in there
for me?
Whoa, whoa. What's the hurry, 217?
I'm meant to be on shift.
You working the ball?
No.
Is that your cabin?
Right, contraband search. Open up.
Sam, devil's lettuce.
Stay exactly where you are.
SCREAMING
SCREAMING INTENSIFIES
I love this ship.
Pew-pew-pew! Pew-pew-pew!
Hey.
EXHALATION
Did you find your officer with
the fish tattoo yet?
Not yet.
I still want to know what
the hell that was all about.
You've got a picture of
a man's penis on your phone
and you're trying
to identify who he is by his tattoo.
What, are you going door-to-door
looking for a match like
Prince Charming?
I always thought it doesn't make
sense that Cinderella has
a different shoe size
to every other girl in town.
Expert attempt at subject change.
The shoes were custom-made
for her, they fit her feet exactly.
All right,
how did one fall off, then?
Oh, she was fucked.
It was a big night.
My money is on Officer Doofy.
Who?
Beaker. I bet he's your man.
There's plenty of stories
about him.
What kind of stories?
Oh. He hooked up
with my mate Amy from the gift shop,
and she said he made her do
a fart in a jar.
Sorry, what?
Collects them, apparently.
Shut up.
It's true.
What happened to good
old-fashioned kinks?
You have a few, do you?
What, do you not?
Pippa.
I am still waiting on that
much-anticipated long story.
Who are you, Cormac?
Are you just going to do that every
time I ask?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you? Who are you?
THEY LAUGH
GROWLS
It better not be cold.
Where's the chilli oil?
Does she speak English?
Is the lobster farm-raised?
Why don't you ask it?
Excuse me? What, do you want me
to take it away?
Well, what do you expect me
to do with it?
I can think of one thing.
Are you hearing this, Lily?
All I hear is you making
a prick of yourself, Nile.
I'm going to make a call.
Oh.
Vivian.
It's Vivian with two I's.
He's no relation.
My mum picks men
with spicy bank accounts.
And this fat cat came with
an emotionally stunted litter.
You give as good as you get,
don't you, Vivian?
What can I say? I'm a giver, Lily.
Leave him to me.
ABBA-STYLE MUSIC
You kiddies shouldn't be playing
with drugs.
Coppers are going to get you.
You know, I flushed my cannabis
farm
right before you kicked the door in.
WHISPERS: Shall we not poke the
bear?
Listen to your girlfriend, Mary.
Hm. Tuxedo on, twinkle tits.
Back to the ballroom.
What a prick.
What are you doing later?
We could chill, just the two of us.
Yeah, no, yeah.
I need to, erm, get back,
so I will find you later.
Not if I find you first.
RADIO: La Policia National de
Panama. We are coming aboard.
You run the show?
Well, nobody can whistle
a symphony. Detective.
Martinez.
I'm the cruise director.
Henry Allan. Coffee? Kombucha?
We both know I have limited time on
here. I'd like to get started.
It's a tragedy. Really.
We encourage our crew to moderate,
but the young ones like
to blow off steam.
Danny was drunk,
snuck by a patrol into
an off-limits area and
CCTV? The last footage shows him
heading onto
the deck at around 5am.
He could hardly stand.
There were no warning signs he was
thinking about
..you know. Honestly,
I wish I could say this was
the first time this has happened.
He could hardly stand,
and yet he snuck by a patrol?
We already sent everything
to your people.
Velorum will help however we can.
I'm not sure who called you.
I'd like to start by talking
with Danny's friends.
Absolutely.
TANNOY: Can I get costume to the
ballroom? Costume to the ballroom.
Where'd you get that?
Olly. It was him.
Olly attacked Sophia.
Olly? No, Mr Hippy Gap Year?
Why would he,
what did you say to him?
Nothing. I just got out of there as
fast as I could.
Do you think that he killed
Danny? Why would he? Mate,
do you think that's why he's been
getting close to you,
because he knows who you are?
Not that you don't have
an abundance of
appealing qualities.
The police are here.
We need to move.
Calm down, calm down!
Did you think I wouldn't find out
you were on here?
I'm not on here. I mean,
I am, clearly,
but I'm not meant to be.
I came on here to find you.
Do you think I'm stupid, Cormac?
No.
We agreed to come on here together
and then you bailed.
You got shacked up
with me last season,
but didn't know how to long me off.
You wanted to cut me loose
for your next charter, so
No, no, way.
You spin out a story
of some mystery man buying your
place on here.
Can we not do this here?
Anything you have to say to me,
you can say in front of Gloria.
Just get out my sight.
I've got a show to do.
Rosie.
You heard the girl. Feck off.
Stay out of it.
Excuse me?
Don't you talk to me like that,
you little shit? Come on, out.
This has nothing to do
Go on, out.
DOOR SHUTS
Lauren? The police
want to see everyone who had
a relationship with Danny.
But you didn't know him.
It gets me out of work for ten,
don't it?
Does this Olly have a second name?
No. Yeah, but I don't know it.
But he works in the Quacky Burger.
Sophia, the girl he attacked.
I'll have her brought to me now.
No. She's
A dick.
She's scared.
She'll shut down if you go in
guns blazing.
I know that we can convince her
to come to you.
This is time-sensitive.
Got to get back for a big shop?
Fine. Do what you can.
And you think Pippa Walsh was
involved in whatever is going on?
She disappeared last year.
She was friends with
Danny and Sophia.
You need to see Danny's body.
It's all the evidence you need that
there's a killer on the ship.
All right. Thank you.
You did the right thing calling.
We'll bring you Sophia,
and then you need to do
the right thing and shut this ship
down.
Not a fucking chance.
It's not happening.
Why not? Because. Because what?
Please, Sophia.
Because we've been dealing.
What, you?
The musical theatre gimps?
If I speak to the police,
I know he'll pin it on me.
Beaker.
The officers make a steal
and we get special privileges.
What, the same officers that are
raiding our cabins?
He'll make sure I take the fall,
and I am not ending up in some
maximum-security shithole selling my
coochie for liquid lipstick.
Hm.
The officers and
the Filipinos are rivals.
We deal to the guests,
the Filipinos to the crew.
That's always been the agreement.
But the officers have gotten
greedy.
Then that's why Olly attacked you -
he's part of the Filipino mafia.
Heh. Things have gotten nasty since
Pippa dropped me in it.
She kept things sweet.
What happened to?
To her?
To Pippa? Oh,
she had a full-blown nervy B.
This ship will eat you up
and spit you out, if you let it.
She went for a paddle in
the Pacific.
The Filipinos,
they want me out of play,
but the officers won't let me stop.
They're men.
And men don't seem to understand
the word no.
Present company included.
Look, I didn't want any of this.
I just need to see
the next few weeks through
and I'm gone.
I've been offered Spring Awakening
at the Norwich Puppet Theatre.
If there are no drugs, both sides
will have to leave you alone.
Can't you just get rid
of their stash?
Buy you enough time
to get off of here?
From a locker room?
I can't just walk in there
and take it all. They have cameras.
You can't.
I can. Look,
if you promise to go to
the police for me,
I will get rid of the drugs for you.
I'll make it look like
the Filipinos took them.
Buy you enough time
to get off of here.
Or, you know,
you can take your chances.
Welcome to Quacky Burger.
What can I get you?
Can I get you something?
No.
I just wanted to get
a look at you.
You get trapped on these ships.
Stuck in limbo.
The dealing kept things interesting.
The perks, I mean.
A hot bath and a coconut compress
massage goes a long way.
That is your 15-minute call.
15 minutes.
What about the girl before you?
The one who, erm
Pippa?
Yeah, did the did the perks lose
their appeal? What happened?
You can be whoever you want on
this ship.
Reinvent.
Pippa chose to be
a ruthless shitlord.
I guess it took its toll.
She made a lot of enemies.
She was paranoid that she was
being watched.
She was scared of the mafia.
She was scared of her own shadow by
the end.
What's your angle?
And don't tell me it's
out of the goodness of your heart.
Olly lied to me.
I really liked him
and he lied to me.
You better get to the ball.
Be careful.
I'll meet you in
the level two crew bathroom in
an hour, and then we go to
the detective.
Thank you.
MUSIC: Minuet
by Boccherini
Showtime.
JAUNTY JAZZ
I walk along the city streets you
used to walk along with me ♪
Here, top us up, Frenchie.
Who are you looking for?
What? No-one.
Vivian.
Mm?
What do you think of Jerome?
He's harmless enough.
He definitely has a nickname
for his penis.
Yeah.
He's
He's sweet.
I thought you were engaged.
Yeah, so did I.
Ladies.
Looking fresh, Jerome.
Merci. Lauren,
you're looking fresh too.
I look like a netted rump roast,
mate. They're taking the piss.
Nothing wrong with a nice rump.
Vivian.
Lily.
You look
Lily, don't flirt with
the steerage.
Yes, Vivian, play on, player.
Guests are off-limits, remember?
Still here?
I want to see Danny's body.
Sure.
Oh, Sam, I'd like you to meet
Detective Martinez.
She's helping us out here today.
Get in.
What were you thinking?
They were raiding cabins.
Oh, so you thought why not step out
for dinner and a show?
There are officers everywhere,
Cormac.
Jamie is going to shit a brick.
You're looking for Rosie,
aren't you?
You know, if you get caught,
you're going to ruin everything.
That's what I do. I ruin things.
VOICES APPROACH
Get in.
What?
Come on. Get in. Shut up.
Did you see Sam in that tux?
Thank you for your service!
What are you doing in here?
Looking for you.
Aren't you supposed to be somewhere?
THUD
FROM INSIDE: Shit!
Jamie's waiting for you.
Yeah. About that -
tell your bestie it's
not happening.
What? But you promised.
No, you told me.
And I'm done being told what to do.
I am VERY disappointed.
Life's full of disappointments.
Just ask your parents.
You're a terrible person.
Look, don't cry about it.
It's just the way this ship works.
KICKS DOOR
I've been looking for you.
You know,
I've seen it all over the years.
Norovirus,
gastrointestinal illnesses you
couldn't spell if you tried.
But fear?
Fear is the most dangerous disease,
and the fear this could cause,
I didn't want to mislead you.
This was an isolated incident.
Daniel was
He was trouble.
Rubbed people the wrong way.
I'm not saying we keep
a lid on this for long.
Just until it's safe.
This will cause
a whole fuck-storm of trouble.
I'll show you a fuck-storm.
I don't want mass panic.
Kids hiding in cabins.
So many people could be hurt,
and then we'll never find out
what happened.
We're a few days from shore.
3,000 guests,
1,000 crew.
I'm not saying we keep
the beaches open with a shark in
the water. I'm saying, let's be
practical about this.
Practical?
I need a few days.
Nothing stays secret on here
for long.
24 hours and we'll know who
did this.
Our shareholders would appreciate
your cooperation.
All right, no, OK.
Do whatever you have to do.
Raise the alarm,
call the coastguard.
100,000 US.
HE TUTS
Try the blackjack.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Yeah?
KNOCK ON DOOR
Come in.
What are you so happy about?
DOOR CLOSES, LOCK CLICKS
Could you not find tighter trousers?
The police are on board.
It's over. Whatever you
Keep back!
The order was to scare Sophia.
You're not denying it, then?
I tried to keep my distance
so they don't rope me into anything,
but then you had me take you down
there the other day.
Wrong place, wrong time.
I was only supposed to scare her.
I'd never hurt anyone.
You don't say no to the mafia.
You don't get a choice.
There's always a choice.
Trust me, Cormac, there isn't.
You're white.
That's the lowest
difficulty setting.
You're playing the game on
easy mode.
And what about Danny?
The rumours are true, then.
That wasn't me.
Nothing to do with the mafia either.
Sophia, I never should've done it.
And I'm turning myself in.
I just wanted to,
I don't know,
explain myself to you first.
Say goodbye.
I'm sorry. Really, I am.
I wish things could've turned
out differently.
Wait. Take me to
the man in charge.
To The Baby.
The Baby? If he really just asked
you to scare Sophia,
he'll back up your story, won't he?
He's not the head of
the Filipino mafia.
Who is, then?
WHEELS SQUEAK
Oliver.
Wait, w-wait.
No, wait, please. Get off.
Dolce, please, you've got it wrong.
Do you know what's the most
destructive thing on any vessel?
A rat. You know what happens when
a ship has too many rats?
It sinks. I keep things clean,
but a rat will find its way.
And it's my job to take care of it.
The traps Velorum use.
They're humane.
A temporary solution.
I provide a permanent one.
Look, whatever you think I did,
just, please, just let me go.
Number one rule on
the Sacramento.
Don't rat.
He didn't rat about the drugs.
The police are here about Danny.
He didn't die how they're saying.
He thinks I killed him.
Olly is a good boy.
We only asked him
to frighten Little Miss Peroxide.
And Danny, not us.
Not our style. It's your lucky day,
Oliver. You're off the hook.
I wanted to tell you myself.
The policewoman is leaving.
WHISPERED: Rosie.
Rosie.
Cormac?
Over here, in the wardrobe.
Why are you in the wardrobe?
I need to talk to you.
Why are you in the wardrobe?
Could you just let me out
and I can explain?
No.
What?
I don't want to hear more lies.
Rosie, listen, please.
Yes, I've lied to you.
OK? I have, a lot.
I'm 6'4, I'm not 6'5.
I can't swim to save my life.
The Edge isn't my uncle.
I never actually drank
the blue liquid from inside
the magic eight ball either.
I know I'm the gobbiest
of gobshites.
But you, us, it's real, Rosie.
It's the most real thing I've ever
known in my whole life, and
..I don't want to lose it.
I can't lose it. I-I need you.
Forget Jamie, forget the money.
I'm crazy about you,
Rosie. You're dead on,
you're everything,
and I, erm I
Oh, you're going to make me say it.
Where are you going?
Look, I was wrong.
The situation is under control.
The situation is very much not
under control.
The situation is completely
fucked. Look,
it wasn't Olly.
The killer's still out there.
She was my sister.
Pippa Walsh was my sister,
OK? My name isn't Cormac,
it's Jamie,
and I came on here to find her,
to find out what happened to
her, OK?
Please, I'm begging you -
more people are going to get hurt.
She was involved in drugs on here.
Do you know they're all in on it?
There's a drugs war going on,
the officers and the Filipinos.
Pippa was blackmailing someone,
one of the officers.
The ship, it corrupts,
it destroys people.
The Pippa I'm hearing about wasn't
the one who came on here.
Then you better watch you don't sail
further than you can row back.
Ahoy.
You're going to get me flogged.
Do you think they'll let me watch?
We're missing the crew foam party.
There you go.
Your fiance is a lucky man, Lauren.
Daronte?
Dumped me at the airport, didn't he?
Said he couldn't do long-distance.
What?
And it was his idea for me
to get a job on here,
so literally shipped me off. I mean,
in a weird way, you've kind
of got to admire his planning.
I need my bed.
Go. I'll finish off.
Are you sure?
Go, before I change my mind.
Goodnight, Jerome.
SHE LAUGHS
What, every year?
As long as I can remember.
Well, not this ship,
but cruises, yeah.
My mum can't get enough.
They've all just blurred into one
big, fake,
tragicomic dissimulation.
Yeah, I would start packing,
if I were you.
Why?
This one's going to be cut short.
Do you know something I don't?
SCOFFS
Hey, where are all the stars?
No stars.
Light pollution.
LOUD BANG
Whoa.
Midnight.
Yep, it's over.
Just when things were getting
interesting.
All right, Jamie?
TOILET FLUSHES
Hiya. So YOU'RE Jamie?
Or should I call you Cormac?
Go on. Tell him.
You are going to jizz your pants
when I tell you who I've found.
Your man Pippa was sextorting,
the officer you think might've
killed Danny. I found him.
Sam. The guy in the photo is Sam.
We've got him.
GASPS, PANTS
Help me! Please!
FOOTSTEPS
FOOTSTEPS RECEDE
WET THWACK
SPUTTERING
By the sea, by the sea
By the beautiful sea
You and I, you and I
Oh, how happy we'll be
When each wave comes a-rollin' in
We will duck or swim
And we'll float and fool around
the water
Over and under and then up for
air
Pa is rich, Ma is rich
so now what do we care?
I love to be beside your side,
beside the sea
Beside the seaside
By the beautiful sea. ♪
to inform you of
the passing of one of your own,
Danny Jones.
He was my main suspect.
Strange coincidence he's suddenly
just been found dead.
Did she charge her phone?
She wanted off the ship.
Oh, whoa. What was she doing?
He's got a tattoo.
Did Danny have one?
No tattoo.
What happened to him?
They lied to us.
You think the fella in
the photo killed Danny?
You should speak to the Filipinos.
You need someone to vouch
for you, like.
Olly.
Mysterious, aren't you?
Your man, he's an officer.
We quit. Deal your own shit.
You're done when I say you're done.
Are we in a mafia drug war?
Do we need protection?
Who are you?
SCREAMS
Mate, we're in deep.
I'm calling the police.
It's mayday time.
MUZAK PLAYS
Here we are, young lady.
Hot as hell out there.
You were short last time.
I don't think we
You were short.
Huh.
That'll be the wife.
The old think box ain't what it used
to be.
Are we happy?
We're happy.
Oh how much for this?
BEEPING
What's in the box?
POUNDING DANCE MUSIC
WALTZ MUSIC
MIC FEEDBACK
Testing. One, two, three.
You saved her life.
She at least owes you
a conversation.
I've tried. For two days.
She won't speak to me.
She's scared.
So she should be.
There's a killer on board
and this psycho is still out
there waiting
to have another pop,
and you're on his radar now too.
I was so close.
I wish I could've just got
a look at him.
Do you think it was him,
the officer with the fish tattoo?
All right,
wakey-wakey, eggs-and-fucking-bakey.
This is the most important night
of your lives.
The captain's ball, baby.
Our headline event.
The Sacramentum has become
the gold standard,
that by which all other cruise
formals are measured.
And, by Christ,
tonight will run tighter than
a camel's arse in
a sandstorm.
This is the one night we have all
our whales in one place.
Whales?
Big spenders.
Tonight is all about
the squandering
of their hard-earned moolah
on marked-up booze and,
if you're lucky, big, sexy tips.
Yeah.
Sam.
Karen. Doors open at six.
We need our first-class guests
seated at
the captain's table ASAP.
At 20.00 hours,
the captain makes his first toast.
What the fuck is that there? Which
of you tit-wanks set this table?
Was it you?
Did you call the police?
A detective is on the way.
H-How do you know? Look,
I've been trying to tell you.
Danny didn't jump, he was murdered.
No. Yes. We saw his body.
Velorum are lying.
You need to speak to the police.
Whoever killed Danny came
for you the other night.
This won't end,
not unless you end it.
No. It's not that simple.
You have no idea what I'm dealing
with.
Smacked off his tits.
Sweet Jesus, today of all days.
You know we've got
a copper en route, don't you?
I want a full shakedown, boys.
Cabin-to-cabin, hole-to-hole.
Show's over! Back to it.
Right, in uniform
and back here on time.
So, the cavalry's really arriving.
Once they know Danny
was murdered
They'll have to reopen Pippa's case.
We've just got to hope
Sophia keeps her head down.
Wait, so are you telling me they
could shut
the ship down?
Today could be the last day?
I hope we readjust on
the outside. You know,
people underestimate
the psychological impact
of incarceration.
Where will you go?
Dunno, but right now anywhere on
dry land sounds good. Mm.
I couldn't have got this far
without you.
The least I could do is offer you
somewhere to stay.
I mean, we ended up with a spare
room, so
Jamie, I can't take
your sister's Oh, no,
I don't mean Pippa's room. No,
we've got a nice cosy cupboard under
the stairs!
I mean it, though - about the room,
not the cupboard.
Thank you.
Room service.
Huh? No, but I'm working the ball.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's fine.
Hang on, hang on. And she's gone.
Ooh la la, first-class.
Oh, going up in the world.
It's your turn to check on Cormac.
You're almost at the finish line.
You can't let him blow everything!
All right, ladies,
here we go, contraband searchio.
I don't touch drugs.
Shite. What we got,
Frodo, you got anything in there
for me?
Whoa, whoa. What's the hurry, 217?
I'm meant to be on shift.
You working the ball?
No.
Is that your cabin?
Right, contraband search. Open up.
Sam, devil's lettuce.
Stay exactly where you are.
SCREAMING
SCREAMING INTENSIFIES
I love this ship.
Pew-pew-pew! Pew-pew-pew!
Hey.
EXHALATION
Did you find your officer with
the fish tattoo yet?
Not yet.
I still want to know what
the hell that was all about.
You've got a picture of
a man's penis on your phone
and you're trying
to identify who he is by his tattoo.
What, are you going door-to-door
looking for a match like
Prince Charming?
I always thought it doesn't make
sense that Cinderella has
a different shoe size
to every other girl in town.
Expert attempt at subject change.
The shoes were custom-made
for her, they fit her feet exactly.
All right,
how did one fall off, then?
Oh, she was fucked.
It was a big night.
My money is on Officer Doofy.
Who?
Beaker. I bet he's your man.
There's plenty of stories
about him.
What kind of stories?
Oh. He hooked up
with my mate Amy from the gift shop,
and she said he made her do
a fart in a jar.
Sorry, what?
Collects them, apparently.
Shut up.
It's true.
What happened to good
old-fashioned kinks?
You have a few, do you?
What, do you not?
Pippa.
I am still waiting on that
much-anticipated long story.
Who are you, Cormac?
Are you just going to do that every
time I ask?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you? Who are you?
THEY LAUGH
GROWLS
It better not be cold.
Where's the chilli oil?
Does she speak English?
Is the lobster farm-raised?
Why don't you ask it?
Excuse me? What, do you want me
to take it away?
Well, what do you expect me
to do with it?
I can think of one thing.
Are you hearing this, Lily?
All I hear is you making
a prick of yourself, Nile.
I'm going to make a call.
Oh.
Vivian.
It's Vivian with two I's.
He's no relation.
My mum picks men
with spicy bank accounts.
And this fat cat came with
an emotionally stunted litter.
You give as good as you get,
don't you, Vivian?
What can I say? I'm a giver, Lily.
Leave him to me.
ABBA-STYLE MUSIC
You kiddies shouldn't be playing
with drugs.
Coppers are going to get you.
You know, I flushed my cannabis
farm
right before you kicked the door in.
WHISPERS: Shall we not poke the
bear?
Listen to your girlfriend, Mary.
Hm. Tuxedo on, twinkle tits.
Back to the ballroom.
What a prick.
What are you doing later?
We could chill, just the two of us.
Yeah, no, yeah.
I need to, erm, get back,
so I will find you later.
Not if I find you first.
RADIO: La Policia National de
Panama. We are coming aboard.
You run the show?
Well, nobody can whistle
a symphony. Detective.
Martinez.
I'm the cruise director.
Henry Allan. Coffee? Kombucha?
We both know I have limited time on
here. I'd like to get started.
It's a tragedy. Really.
We encourage our crew to moderate,
but the young ones like
to blow off steam.
Danny was drunk,
snuck by a patrol into
an off-limits area and
CCTV? The last footage shows him
heading onto
the deck at around 5am.
He could hardly stand.
There were no warning signs he was
thinking about
..you know. Honestly,
I wish I could say this was
the first time this has happened.
He could hardly stand,
and yet he snuck by a patrol?
We already sent everything
to your people.
Velorum will help however we can.
I'm not sure who called you.
I'd like to start by talking
with Danny's friends.
Absolutely.
TANNOY: Can I get costume to the
ballroom? Costume to the ballroom.
Where'd you get that?
Olly. It was him.
Olly attacked Sophia.
Olly? No, Mr Hippy Gap Year?
Why would he,
what did you say to him?
Nothing. I just got out of there as
fast as I could.
Do you think that he killed
Danny? Why would he? Mate,
do you think that's why he's been
getting close to you,
because he knows who you are?
Not that you don't have
an abundance of
appealing qualities.
The police are here.
We need to move.
Calm down, calm down!
Did you think I wouldn't find out
you were on here?
I'm not on here. I mean,
I am, clearly,
but I'm not meant to be.
I came on here to find you.
Do you think I'm stupid, Cormac?
No.
We agreed to come on here together
and then you bailed.
You got shacked up
with me last season,
but didn't know how to long me off.
You wanted to cut me loose
for your next charter, so
No, no, way.
You spin out a story
of some mystery man buying your
place on here.
Can we not do this here?
Anything you have to say to me,
you can say in front of Gloria.
Just get out my sight.
I've got a show to do.
Rosie.
You heard the girl. Feck off.
Stay out of it.
Excuse me?
Don't you talk to me like that,
you little shit? Come on, out.
This has nothing to do
Go on, out.
DOOR SHUTS
Lauren? The police
want to see everyone who had
a relationship with Danny.
But you didn't know him.
It gets me out of work for ten,
don't it?
Does this Olly have a second name?
No. Yeah, but I don't know it.
But he works in the Quacky Burger.
Sophia, the girl he attacked.
I'll have her brought to me now.
No. She's
A dick.
She's scared.
She'll shut down if you go in
guns blazing.
I know that we can convince her
to come to you.
This is time-sensitive.
Got to get back for a big shop?
Fine. Do what you can.
And you think Pippa Walsh was
involved in whatever is going on?
She disappeared last year.
She was friends with
Danny and Sophia.
You need to see Danny's body.
It's all the evidence you need that
there's a killer on the ship.
All right. Thank you.
You did the right thing calling.
We'll bring you Sophia,
and then you need to do
the right thing and shut this ship
down.
Not a fucking chance.
It's not happening.
Why not? Because. Because what?
Please, Sophia.
Because we've been dealing.
What, you?
The musical theatre gimps?
If I speak to the police,
I know he'll pin it on me.
Beaker.
The officers make a steal
and we get special privileges.
What, the same officers that are
raiding our cabins?
He'll make sure I take the fall,
and I am not ending up in some
maximum-security shithole selling my
coochie for liquid lipstick.
Hm.
The officers and
the Filipinos are rivals.
We deal to the guests,
the Filipinos to the crew.
That's always been the agreement.
But the officers have gotten
greedy.
Then that's why Olly attacked you -
he's part of the Filipino mafia.
Heh. Things have gotten nasty since
Pippa dropped me in it.
She kept things sweet.
What happened to?
To her?
To Pippa? Oh,
she had a full-blown nervy B.
This ship will eat you up
and spit you out, if you let it.
She went for a paddle in
the Pacific.
The Filipinos,
they want me out of play,
but the officers won't let me stop.
They're men.
And men don't seem to understand
the word no.
Present company included.
Look, I didn't want any of this.
I just need to see
the next few weeks through
and I'm gone.
I've been offered Spring Awakening
at the Norwich Puppet Theatre.
If there are no drugs, both sides
will have to leave you alone.
Can't you just get rid
of their stash?
Buy you enough time
to get off of here?
From a locker room?
I can't just walk in there
and take it all. They have cameras.
You can't.
I can. Look,
if you promise to go to
the police for me,
I will get rid of the drugs for you.
I'll make it look like
the Filipinos took them.
Buy you enough time
to get off of here.
Or, you know,
you can take your chances.
Welcome to Quacky Burger.
What can I get you?
Can I get you something?
No.
I just wanted to get
a look at you.
You get trapped on these ships.
Stuck in limbo.
The dealing kept things interesting.
The perks, I mean.
A hot bath and a coconut compress
massage goes a long way.
That is your 15-minute call.
15 minutes.
What about the girl before you?
The one who, erm
Pippa?
Yeah, did the did the perks lose
their appeal? What happened?
You can be whoever you want on
this ship.
Reinvent.
Pippa chose to be
a ruthless shitlord.
I guess it took its toll.
She made a lot of enemies.
She was paranoid that she was
being watched.
She was scared of the mafia.
She was scared of her own shadow by
the end.
What's your angle?
And don't tell me it's
out of the goodness of your heart.
Olly lied to me.
I really liked him
and he lied to me.
You better get to the ball.
Be careful.
I'll meet you in
the level two crew bathroom in
an hour, and then we go to
the detective.
Thank you.
MUSIC: Minuet
by Boccherini
Showtime.
JAUNTY JAZZ
I walk along the city streets you
used to walk along with me ♪
Here, top us up, Frenchie.
Who are you looking for?
What? No-one.
Vivian.
Mm?
What do you think of Jerome?
He's harmless enough.
He definitely has a nickname
for his penis.
Yeah.
He's
He's sweet.
I thought you were engaged.
Yeah, so did I.
Ladies.
Looking fresh, Jerome.
Merci. Lauren,
you're looking fresh too.
I look like a netted rump roast,
mate. They're taking the piss.
Nothing wrong with a nice rump.
Vivian.
Lily.
You look
Lily, don't flirt with
the steerage.
Yes, Vivian, play on, player.
Guests are off-limits, remember?
Still here?
I want to see Danny's body.
Sure.
Oh, Sam, I'd like you to meet
Detective Martinez.
She's helping us out here today.
Get in.
What were you thinking?
They were raiding cabins.
Oh, so you thought why not step out
for dinner and a show?
There are officers everywhere,
Cormac.
Jamie is going to shit a brick.
You're looking for Rosie,
aren't you?
You know, if you get caught,
you're going to ruin everything.
That's what I do. I ruin things.
VOICES APPROACH
Get in.
What?
Come on. Get in. Shut up.
Did you see Sam in that tux?
Thank you for your service!
What are you doing in here?
Looking for you.
Aren't you supposed to be somewhere?
THUD
FROM INSIDE: Shit!
Jamie's waiting for you.
Yeah. About that -
tell your bestie it's
not happening.
What? But you promised.
No, you told me.
And I'm done being told what to do.
I am VERY disappointed.
Life's full of disappointments.
Just ask your parents.
You're a terrible person.
Look, don't cry about it.
It's just the way this ship works.
KICKS DOOR
I've been looking for you.
You know,
I've seen it all over the years.
Norovirus,
gastrointestinal illnesses you
couldn't spell if you tried.
But fear?
Fear is the most dangerous disease,
and the fear this could cause,
I didn't want to mislead you.
This was an isolated incident.
Daniel was
He was trouble.
Rubbed people the wrong way.
I'm not saying we keep
a lid on this for long.
Just until it's safe.
This will cause
a whole fuck-storm of trouble.
I'll show you a fuck-storm.
I don't want mass panic.
Kids hiding in cabins.
So many people could be hurt,
and then we'll never find out
what happened.
We're a few days from shore.
3,000 guests,
1,000 crew.
I'm not saying we keep
the beaches open with a shark in
the water. I'm saying, let's be
practical about this.
Practical?
I need a few days.
Nothing stays secret on here
for long.
24 hours and we'll know who
did this.
Our shareholders would appreciate
your cooperation.
All right, no, OK.
Do whatever you have to do.
Raise the alarm,
call the coastguard.
100,000 US.
HE TUTS
Try the blackjack.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Yeah?
KNOCK ON DOOR
Come in.
What are you so happy about?
DOOR CLOSES, LOCK CLICKS
Could you not find tighter trousers?
The police are on board.
It's over. Whatever you
Keep back!
The order was to scare Sophia.
You're not denying it, then?
I tried to keep my distance
so they don't rope me into anything,
but then you had me take you down
there the other day.
Wrong place, wrong time.
I was only supposed to scare her.
I'd never hurt anyone.
You don't say no to the mafia.
You don't get a choice.
There's always a choice.
Trust me, Cormac, there isn't.
You're white.
That's the lowest
difficulty setting.
You're playing the game on
easy mode.
And what about Danny?
The rumours are true, then.
That wasn't me.
Nothing to do with the mafia either.
Sophia, I never should've done it.
And I'm turning myself in.
I just wanted to,
I don't know,
explain myself to you first.
Say goodbye.
I'm sorry. Really, I am.
I wish things could've turned
out differently.
Wait. Take me to
the man in charge.
To The Baby.
The Baby? If he really just asked
you to scare Sophia,
he'll back up your story, won't he?
He's not the head of
the Filipino mafia.
Who is, then?
WHEELS SQUEAK
Oliver.
Wait, w-wait.
No, wait, please. Get off.
Dolce, please, you've got it wrong.
Do you know what's the most
destructive thing on any vessel?
A rat. You know what happens when
a ship has too many rats?
It sinks. I keep things clean,
but a rat will find its way.
And it's my job to take care of it.
The traps Velorum use.
They're humane.
A temporary solution.
I provide a permanent one.
Look, whatever you think I did,
just, please, just let me go.
Number one rule on
the Sacramento.
Don't rat.
He didn't rat about the drugs.
The police are here about Danny.
He didn't die how they're saying.
He thinks I killed him.
Olly is a good boy.
We only asked him
to frighten Little Miss Peroxide.
And Danny, not us.
Not our style. It's your lucky day,
Oliver. You're off the hook.
I wanted to tell you myself.
The policewoman is leaving.
WHISPERED: Rosie.
Rosie.
Cormac?
Over here, in the wardrobe.
Why are you in the wardrobe?
I need to talk to you.
Why are you in the wardrobe?
Could you just let me out
and I can explain?
No.
What?
I don't want to hear more lies.
Rosie, listen, please.
Yes, I've lied to you.
OK? I have, a lot.
I'm 6'4, I'm not 6'5.
I can't swim to save my life.
The Edge isn't my uncle.
I never actually drank
the blue liquid from inside
the magic eight ball either.
I know I'm the gobbiest
of gobshites.
But you, us, it's real, Rosie.
It's the most real thing I've ever
known in my whole life, and
..I don't want to lose it.
I can't lose it. I-I need you.
Forget Jamie, forget the money.
I'm crazy about you,
Rosie. You're dead on,
you're everything,
and I, erm I
Oh, you're going to make me say it.
Where are you going?
Look, I was wrong.
The situation is under control.
The situation is very much not
under control.
The situation is completely
fucked. Look,
it wasn't Olly.
The killer's still out there.
She was my sister.
Pippa Walsh was my sister,
OK? My name isn't Cormac,
it's Jamie,
and I came on here to find her,
to find out what happened to
her, OK?
Please, I'm begging you -
more people are going to get hurt.
She was involved in drugs on here.
Do you know they're all in on it?
There's a drugs war going on,
the officers and the Filipinos.
Pippa was blackmailing someone,
one of the officers.
The ship, it corrupts,
it destroys people.
The Pippa I'm hearing about wasn't
the one who came on here.
Then you better watch you don't sail
further than you can row back.
Ahoy.
You're going to get me flogged.
Do you think they'll let me watch?
We're missing the crew foam party.
There you go.
Your fiance is a lucky man, Lauren.
Daronte?
Dumped me at the airport, didn't he?
Said he couldn't do long-distance.
What?
And it was his idea for me
to get a job on here,
so literally shipped me off. I mean,
in a weird way, you've kind
of got to admire his planning.
I need my bed.
Go. I'll finish off.
Are you sure?
Go, before I change my mind.
Goodnight, Jerome.
SHE LAUGHS
What, every year?
As long as I can remember.
Well, not this ship,
but cruises, yeah.
My mum can't get enough.
They've all just blurred into one
big, fake,
tragicomic dissimulation.
Yeah, I would start packing,
if I were you.
Why?
This one's going to be cut short.
Do you know something I don't?
SCOFFS
Hey, where are all the stars?
No stars.
Light pollution.
LOUD BANG
Whoa.
Midnight.
Yep, it's over.
Just when things were getting
interesting.
All right, Jamie?
TOILET FLUSHES
Hiya. So YOU'RE Jamie?
Or should I call you Cormac?
Go on. Tell him.
You are going to jizz your pants
when I tell you who I've found.
Your man Pippa was sextorting,
the officer you think might've
killed Danny. I found him.
Sam. The guy in the photo is Sam.
We've got him.
GASPS, PANTS
Help me! Please!
FOOTSTEPS
FOOTSTEPS RECEDE
WET THWACK
SPUTTERING
By the sea, by the sea
By the beautiful sea
You and I, you and I
Oh, how happy we'll be
When each wave comes a-rollin' in
We will duck or swim
And we'll float and fool around
the water
Over and under and then up for
air
Pa is rich, Ma is rich
so now what do we care?
I love to be beside your side,
beside the sea
Beside the seaside
By the beautiful sea. ♪