3Below: Tales of Arcadia (2018) s01e04 Episode Script

1 One, two, three below! Come on! Wait.
Hey, hey.
Hello? Is anyone there? This isn't the least bit funny.
Ahh! Okay, mug.
We're only gonna do this once.
Are you ready to talk? Quit your jitterbuggin', you gashouse palooka.
We can either do this the hard way - Or the very hard way.
- What? No one messes with our children without messing with us first.
- So, what'll it be? - Before I answer that, um Stand aside, you glorified washing machines, and leave the torture to a professional.
- That was fun.
- Gotta jet.
Taco merchant, you will tell us why you were spying on Varvatos' charges, or Varvatos will feed you your eyes! - I I told you - And hang you from a noose made of your own intestines! That's a colorful threat, isn't it? We should never have taken him back home with us.
Ugh! What is that horrendous stench? Must be the smell of fear, as Varvatos was about to introduce this menace to the art of torture! You don't have to torture me at all.
I come in peace and all that jazz.
Jazz? Now you have my interest.
The name is Stuart.
I'm a huge fan! - I'm a I'm a huge fan.
- A fan.
You create wind? Only after one or two burritos.
Seriously, I follow all the great royal houses of the galaxy, but House Tarron of Akiridion-5? O-M-Gorbon.
I mean, pure class.
Princess Aja, you're like the coolest, bravest, most butt-kickingest teenager this side of the known universe.
And Prince Krel Tech whiz extraordinaire! - I wanna be you when I mentally grow up.
- I am now King-in-waiting.
I can't believe I'm in the royal kitchen.
So, uh, what are you doing here? General Morando led a coup, and we were forced to flee for our lives.
We're supposed to be asking him the questions! Royals in exile? Of course! Everything makes much more sense now.
I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't choose to come here either.
Crash landed, actually.
Originally, I'm from Durio.
The stinkiest planet in the universe! That would explain the malodorous odor.
Ugh! I thought it was a Luug fart.
Hey! I'm very sensitive about that.
But, trust me, you're gonna love Earth, yeah.
You've got cheese fries, and monster truck rallies, and, oh, flash mobs.
I want all of it.
Enough prattle.
Prepare for agony! What? Our refrigerator is running.
Jeez.
Is this place up to code? Seklos and Gaylen.
Skeltegs? We seem to have developed a skelteg infestation.
- Seem to? - How did these get aboard the ship? - This is your fault.
- Don't even start.
You're the one obsessed with skelteg fighting! On Akiridion-5.
It's easy money.
They probably stowed away when we left.
- This is horrible.
- How are there so many? You have a house full of electronics and creatures that feed on them, and breed! You'd better hope they don't nest! Interior camouflage diminishing.
What's the status of our exterior camouflage? Failing.
It will only be a matter of time before you are exposed to the entire neighborhood.
Kleb-tastic! Your skelteg obsession is going to out our secret to everyone on this dump heap.
- Don't make me dump heap you, Krel! - That didn't even make sense.
Don't worry, A-fivers.
Stuart can turn those frowns upside down.
Uh It just means I can make you happy.
Untie me, please! - No! - Mama! Papa! - We should hurry! - I'll hold them back! Stop them! Don't move.
You've taken quite a hit.
- I should be - Dead? I would've killed you if I wanted to.
You should thank your king for sparing your life.
My king is gone.
You destroyed him.
A fate that can be easily arranged for you as well, unless you were to join me as the new Commander of the Taylon Phalanx.
You only want me in command of the Taylon in order to bring them into line.
If I obey you, so will they.
Exactly.
Akiridion-5 has changed while you were asleep.
The prince and princess will soon be dead, executed at the hands of the Hunter's Guild.
This isn't a request.
You will join me, or you will join them in death.
Oh! Here we go.
Ah! Here we go.
Oh! Bienvenidos.
Bienvenue.
Welcome to Stuart's Wonderful World of Electronica.
I thought you sold burritos.
Yeah, and used electronics, and, uh, graphic tees.
"Objects in T-shirts are thinner than they appear.
" One of mine.
I'm also a notary and justice of the peace.
I've been here on Earth for 30 years.
I've had lots of time to reinvent myself.
That's the wonderful thing about Earth.
You can be whoever you wanna be.
Except someone who can get off this planet, apparently.
Did you choose this human form? Why? Don't you like it? I know it's a little more primitive than your transduction chambers, I admit, but I devised this tech myself out of some enriched plutonium and parts I scrounged from an '86 Pinto.
Where is this solution you promised? We have skeltegs turning our ship into A Vegas buffet.
Yeah, I know.
Hang on, looking.
Where's that, um I should really start alphabetizing things, shouldn't I? "Screwing in a light bulb.
Step one: find a friend.
" How many humans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ooh! Ah! "Setting up a remote control.
" "Setting up a hair dryer.
Setting up a" Stuart, you have a daxial array? Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's right behind you, yeah.
And I should tell you.
I've got a unicorn in the basement.
A unicorn? We have to see that unicorn.
No, no.
There's no unicorn.
It's a figure of speech.
It means I'm lucky to even have a manual.
You won't find a daxial-anything on Earth.
So what's this, then? That cacophonous rot is assaulting Varvatos' ears! Fascinating! A musical box.
It's called a "boom box.
" Nah, it's not exactly the portable music that the kids are into these days, but, uh, you want it? It's on me.
No, it's in Krel's hands.
I mean, it's on the house.
But this isn't a house.
It's free, all right? I'm just saying it's free.
- Peculiar frequencies.
- Ta-da! Spitting image of the skelteg's natural predator, the long-trunked hamfisk! This'll clear up the infestation yippee-skippee! Hmm.
You two will be late for academic prison.
And worry not.
This gloober shall help Varvatos fix the ship.
My boy.
My little Assuming Varvatos can find the manual to shut his snout.
Why are you bothering with that thing? It's pretty cool, right? Sure.
Back in the '80s.
Girl, you rule! I turned down being queen, actually.
Aja! I posted your epic Steve take-down on my Facespace, and it went super viral.
Now the whole school is, like, obsessed with you! Because I hurt someone? Not just someone.
Steve Palchuk.
Not that we condone violence, though.
I would have done the same if I'd had my serrator.
Ugh.
Nice boom box, Kevin.
My name is Krel.
You should stick with Darci and me.
I'm kinda the queen bee around here.
You can be a princess.
Technically, I was Spring Fling Queen.
No, no, no, no.
I don't want to be a princess on any planet.
Wait! Ugh! Not wanting to be cool is so cool! Tell me something, barfbag.
Is your sister seeing anybody? She can see everybody.
Her vision is excellent.
No, I mean Forget it! Huh.
Forget it! Forty-five seconds.
And start.
What? Dodge! Gah! Still cold in the middle! I know you're weak, but we need to go now.
- Who are you? - My name is Izita.
- I'm with the Resistance.
- The Resistance? Come with me.
An uprising has been forming.
Citizens of Akiridion, men and women, prepared to do whatever it takes to restore House Tarron to the Akiridion throne.
You heard Morando.
They're as good as dead.
Lies.
Never trust Morando.
The royal heirs can evade his hunters.
- I have to believe that.
- During Morando's attack, Princess Aja saved my child's life.
I'm forever indebted to House Tarron.
For the royals.
There's a rebel base just outside the Adronis Quadrant.
He'll take you there.
No.
I mean, I can't leave.
Please.
The Resistance needs you, Lieutenant.
I know.
Which is why I need to stay behind.
Take this.
The ring will signal you as a member of the Resistance.
Trust me.
transports must provide export managing confirmation prior to disembarkment.
Okay, class.
The test is about to begin.
- Finished.
- Calculators out, my little parabolas.
Oh, kleb.
Ms.
Janeth, I think someone's dog ate my calculator.
The electronics! Mr.
Tarron, remain in your seat! I mean, uh You depend on calculators far too much.
Phones, too.
What about yours? - You're always on these things.
- Hey, my phone! - Less emojis, more emotion.
- I need that! - Less texting.
More talking! - Don't read my texts, new kid.
Ew! Flying cockroaches! Last week, the teachers' coffee got spiked, and now this? - Krel, they followed us to school.
- Obviously.
Why do you think I'm confiscating their food supply? He passes to Palchuk.
Steve shoots, Steve Foul! Hey, Aja.
Get down! They're multiplying! We need to stop this before the whole school gets colonized.
Would that really be the worst thing? - Krel! - Just remember, sister, you're the one who brought them here! Aja, did you really do this? Finally, you made a mistake! Ah, attention, students and faculty.
Due to unexpected circumstances, classes are canceled! Yes! Aja, you just saved my butt.
I was gonna fail that quiz.
Oh, man! She even makes infestations look cool.
- My glasses! - You literally cannot lose! Oh, I think we are about to lose.
Big-time.
The skeltegs found the power generator.
- What are you doing? - Calling Vex for help before my phone gets eaten.
I've almost got them.
Glorious! Expel these skeltegs to your balloon of death! Well, it's more of a simulated "tum-tum," if you will.
The hamfisk, it has an expansive stomach.
It's perfect for storing mass quantities of creepy crawlies.
The ship's reserve power is waning.
All right, taco merchant, what do we do next? - Next? - The hamfisk! What does it do to destroy these vermin for good? Yes, I saw an interplanetary nature documentary about them once.
I believe it waded into the ocean and, unable to swim, it simply died.
Idiocy! Choose your manner of death, you pungent snobglob! Or you could wait to vanquish me.
I'll have these skeltegs skedaddled in a jiff-pop-n'-skip.
Varvatos does not know what a "skip" is, but he will destroy you if you don't make good on your vow! Exterior camouflage unsupported.
Choose your weapon.
Finally.
Some use for these knowledge bricks.
And whatever this is.
It better work before Arcadia gets wiped off the map.
Again, not the worst thing.
They must be in the ventilation system, looking for a place to nest.
What are you doing here? You didn't actually think you could slay these tiny dragons without the power of the Palchuk, did you? In fact, we did.
Not to brag, but, uh, my career prediction test said that I'd make an awesome exterminator.
Scepter.
My scepter! Uh, you might wanna trade me for this bat.
Bats are great for battling bugs.
Yeah, just give it to me.
We'll never be apart again.
I love you.
King Palchuk! I'm back, baby! Whoo! I think the oaf with the golden hair favors me above other humans.
But you kicked him in the face.
Human boys are peculiar.
Uh Guys? Mary, what are you doing here? Duh! Filming a video worth millions of views.
#Ew-Gross-Ew.
No sudden movements Hey, wanna take a selfie? These books are very useful.
Uh, these things aren't poisonous, right? Right? I don't know.
There's probably an antidote.
Like, uh, vinegar or true love's kiss.
Just spit-balling, you know? It seems we found the nest.
Or the nest has found us.
I think you're going to need this.
Great Gaylen! There's too many of them! You're not on today's menu! Bow to the king! No! Not my scepter! Don't pull my finger! Hey, Claire-bear, what's up? Play that horrible sound again.
Huh? My ringtone? Call you back.
Love you.
Mean it.
The frequency of the Earth music kills them.
Where are you going? To get more music! - They've been inside.
- So you brought them to school? - After you brought them to Earth! - Just fix the box of boom, little brother! My interior functions are limited.
Your sucking weapon is nearly at capacity.
Luug, unleash your intestinal fury! I'll be needing this.
Once I connect this balloon to the mothership's power source, these suckers are gonna get fried.
Commander Vex, route all available power.
I'm talking nuclear, thermal, Akiridion-kinetic, to the main port! Mother, do as he says.
Re-route all power.
We're gonna feed these beasties a meal they'll never forget! If we die, Varvatos will kill you.
Ha! Ha! Ah! I'm out of juice! Don't worry, I'm locked and loaded.
Uh Nothing's happening, Steve.
- Yes! - Nice, Krel! Another use for human music! This music is worse than the bugs.
How about picking up the beat? Ugh! Should we bring this thing back home, or do you think Stuart has things under control? - We should go.
- Definitely go! Full power ready.
For the royals! Please let this work.
Hmm.
Um Well, that didn't work as expected, or at all.
Varvatos will punish your failure with glorious death! Incoming! Is that my boom box? It's so beautiful! It went in my mouth! Come to think of it, the hamfisk is known for releasing a high-pitched belch in order to stun and kill its food.
- Good call, Your Highnesses.
- You, sir, are a fool indeed, but your intentions are true.
That's the nicest thing anybody's said to me today, to be honest.
Let's have a nice group hug, yeah? Come on, guys.
- Not for me.
- It's quite all right.
We can work up to that.
For too long, we have been ruled by weak and feckless leaders who promised peace but left us unprepared for war.
In the name of the king and queen! - No! No! - Today, together, we will take Akiridion-5's rightful place in the universe as the superpower it always should have been.
Full power restored.
Camouflage holding.
Um um Sorry for blaming you for the skeltegs.
Even if you did bring them to this planet.
Sorry for blaming you right back.
Even if you did bring them to school.
Luug! Your intestinal fortitude saved the day.
You know, if I have to be stranded on a strange planet, I'm glad it's with you, little brother.
And you, Luug.
Hey, how many Akiridions does it take to build a daxial array? It's impossible.
We exploded skeltegs with a music machine, little brother.
Nothing is impossible on this planet.
In that case, it'll take two Akiridions.
Okay, okay, okay, three.
Mother, can you please open a window? This ship still smells like the Stuart.
Activating ventilation systems.
Ah they're here.