A Tale Dark & Grimm (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

1
[clunking, whirring]
[whooshing]
[pleasant fairy tale music plays]
[William] Once upon a time,
fairy tales were awesome.
We know, you don't believe us.
You think fairy tales are cute,
and pink, and full of fairies.
[chitters]
-[whacks]
-Well, they're not.
-Real fairy tales are scary.
-[thuds]
-[adventurous music plays]
-[cawing]
Follow two children
as they venture off into a dark tale.
-A scary tale.
-[barking]
-A strange tale.
-[howls]
[roars]
-[shrieks]
-A… Wait a minute.
Are you even old enough for this?
-[thudding]
-You really think you can handle it?
[demons chuckle, gibber]
-[music rising]
-[sizzles, bubbles]
[gentle music plays]
Once upon a time,
a young girl found herself
alone in the woods.
-[humming]
-The brother she loved was dead.
Now, for the first time in her life,
-she didn't have a plan… or hope.
-[ominous music plays]
[humming]
[twig snaps]
-[gasps, panting]
-[sinister music plays]
[panting loudly]
[screams]
-[grunts]
-[suspenseful music plays]
[whimpers]
I've been searching for you
for so long, Gretel.
How… how do you know my name?
-I know much about-- [coughs]
-[smacks]
[woman] Get a move on, little guppy.
-I got ya covered.
-[heroic music plays]
[whimpers]
Gretel! Wait! I just want to-- Ooph!
[thuds]
-[Gretel] Whoa! [grunts]
-[splats]
[woman] Let's go!
-[reins whip]
-[brays]
[music fades]
[birds chirping]
[spits]
-[music rises]
-[splats]
-[music fades]
-Geez.
[upbeat music plays]
Oh, hey there. I'm Widow Fischer.
It's kinda on the nose,
but what can ya do?
Fish is me business. [chuckles]
[inhales] Fish, but nothing fishy,
that's what I always say.
Well, sometimes I say it's good for trout,
it's good for a salmon.
Or I say, you know, whatever
the next thing I'm gonna say is.
It could be anything. Oh, hang on.
Oh, I feel it coming. Here it comes!
Oh, any second. It's coming! I can't wait…
Pickle!
[laughs, snorts]
[whispering] Psst! It was pickle.
So how come you ain't talking anyway?
Somebody sew up your mouth?
I'm… sad.
-[sad music plays]
-Oh.
You can call me Edith.
Gretel.
[gasps] Gretel.
-[gasps] That was me father's name.
-[reins whip]
[gasps softly, sniffles]
Oh, man, those fish look good.
Let 'em get stinky for a couple weeks
and we're having ourselves a party--
Shh. Shush!
Ahem. Yes, Gretel was devastated.
But if she had known what was
about to happen just a few miles away…
[people gasping, cheering]
…she would have wept with joy.
[chuckling] Oh, no, no.
Thank you. Thank you.
It was a perilous hunt.
-But I, Lord Meister, slayed the beast.
-[people cheering loudly]
No need to cheer.
-[cheering stops]
-[crickets chirping]
[huffs]
-[people resume cheering]
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[adventurous music plays]
[neighs]
Yes. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank-- Yes, yes, it is I.
-[music swells, ends]
-[stool creaks]
[servant] Your tea, Lord Meister.
[ticking]
[Meister] It is 3:58.
-Tea time is at 4:00.
-[neighs]
That is a rule.
Without rules my perfect fiefdom
would descend into anarchy!
Into madness!
I've a good mind
to dash that cup to bits against the wall!
But since the rules state that a lord
must always maintain his composure,
throw the cup for me, Shillingworth.
Throw it roughly.
[shatters]
I'm sorry you all had to see me
lose my temper like that.
-[neighs]
-Now, clean up the mess, Shillingworth.
Slowly, and while grumbling incoherently.
[sighs]
[grumbling incoherently]
Excellent! [claps]
Time to prepare the beast-skin rug.
-[blade swishes]
-[tense music plays]
[thuds]
-[tense music continues]
-[dramatic sting]
No, no, no, no! Don't show the guts!
Show me the guts, baby! Show me the guts!
-[suspenseful music plays]
-[slicing]
[dramatic ringing]
[dramatic sting]
[all gasp]
[neighs]
[weakly] Gretel.
Wait a minute. That guy was dead!
That's not how dying works.
Half the stuff I eat is dead.
Is it gonna come back to life in my belly?
Will it claw its way out?
-Okay.
-[groans]
At the same time, Gretel was arriving
at a strange building just down the road.
[pleasant music plays]
This is me shop.
I been running this place all alone
since the late Mr. Fischer took up
the ill-advised sport of spear catching.
I could really use me a hand.
I got a spare room.
Wanna help me out? Hmm?
I could give you all the fish
you could choke down. Come on.
Whaddya say?
Well, I…
I haven't had the best of luck
with parents.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I ain't gon' be your parent.
I'm just gon' be a grown-up
who takes care of ya.
-Tells ya what to do.
-That's what a parent--
No, come on. You're way overthinking this.
Ya gotta stop listening
to your head-brain.
Ya gotta start listening
to your chest-brain, right?
Oh, wait, what's that thing called?
It's called, uh…
Is it your heart? Heart?
Am I saying that right?
Is it your hoooort?
[hopeful music plays]
All right.
Well, then, welcome to your new home.
Shillingworth, this beast-boy
has altogether too much blood on him.
Tidy him up at once. [claps]
-[determined music plays]
-You can't tidy a beast-boy with a whisk.
He requires a lordly cleaning.
Yes, my lord.
The grand deluxe.
[blows kazoo]
-[clanks]
-[water bubbling]
-[scraping, sawing, whirring]
-[Hansel protesting]
-Oh?
-[whimsical music plays]
[blows]
[Meister] Hmm.
What manner of beast are you?
A…
A bad one.
[Meister] You don't seem bad to me.
You seem like rather a nice chap.
[horse neighs]
When a lord speaks, you answer.
That's a rule.
-My name is Hansel.
-[sad music plays]
I'm a boy who turned into a beast.
I did something bad.
-[boink]
-[blows]
-[snorts]
-Well, since I caught you,
beast or boy, you're mine.
And nothing of mine is ever bad.
Everything of mine is good.
Because in my castle, we follow the rules.
-[gentle music plays]
-Do you want to be good?
Yes, please.
[straining]
[grunts]
[strains, yelps]
[sighs]
-[sad music plays]
-[grunts]
[sighs]
[yelps]
[grunts in frustration]
[William] As he settled into his new home,
-Hansel could think only of Gretel.
-[sniffling]
He knew in his little heart
that Gretel could never,
-ever forgive him for almost killing her.
-[sighs]
And that it would be better for her
if she never, ever saw him again.
Not far away,
Gretel could think only of Hansel.
She knew that he had
sacrificed himself to save her.
And for all of her thinking and planning,
Gretel knew in her little heart
that she would never,
ever see Hansel again.
[Dotty] This is sad, so sad.
[munches, gulps]
I just ate the last fish.
[groans]
-[hopeful music plays]
-But you should know that with time,
sadness starts to fade.
We've got 20 jars of preserved fish,
ten fish pies, 14 bags of powdered fish--
"Fourteen bags of powdered fish…"
I told ya, ya don't got to take stock
every five minutes.
Uh… Sorry, I like to be organized.
Bees is organized, but they ain't happy.
Oh, wait. I don't know,
are they happy or not?
[in deep voice] I don't knows.
[in regular voice] The point is,
you gotta loosen up.
[bell dinging]
-[footsteps approaching]
-[suspenseful music plays]
[chirping]
-[kisses]
-[joyful music plays]
[bird singing]
[gasps]
Good morning, ladies.
Beautiful day, isn't it?
[splats]
I'm a widow! I-- I mean, um, yes.
Day is, uh, beau-- beautiful. Yes.
I'm having a fish fry
for poor children of the village. I need--
Fish!
Yes. And lots of them. I'm having
such trouble finding pickled herring.
Uh… [chuckles]
Well, you've come to the right place.
We've got pickled herring.
[chuckles] I'll get it for you.
I'm Gretel.
Hello, Gretel.
[rattling]
Uh… do you need any help?
No, no. [chuckles] I've got it.
[gasps, yelps]
[both chuckle]
It's a good thing I was here
'cause, uh, you could have been hurt.
Eh, I've fallen
from castles, cliffs, trees.
A ladder is nothing.
Yeah, it does look like
you've seen some hard times.
You don't have to hide who you are.
If you've lived through a lot,
it just means you've really lived.
You should be proud of that.
[pleasant music playing]
-I'm a widow!
-Yes, you mentioned.
Also, we've met many times, Widow Fischer.
Anyhoo, here's some free fish
for the poor children.
Uh, thank you, miss.
"Miss." [chuckles]
Those poor children will be so grateful.
I'm glad to be able to do something nice.
It's nice… uh, uh, to be nice.
[chuckles nervously]
It is indeed.
-[brays]
-Good day, ladies.
-And today, we continue our lessons.
-[determined music plays]
[grunts, blows]
-[grunts, blows, grunts]
-[Meister] Is something wrong?
If something isn't right,
you must tell me. It's a rule.
I feel silly in this hat.
I can't even see where I'm-- Oh!
If you're going to be a lord,
you must stop feeling so much
and start thinking.
For instance, think about the hat.
If you move it just a skosh to the right,
it will balance perfectly.
Hey, you were right.
A lord is always right. It's a rule.
[determined music playing]
[clicks]
The book.
The stool.
I caution you, Hansel, the library
is my private sanctum sanctorum.
Absolutely no one is allowed here
without my permission. It's a rule.
Now, the book is titled
"Lordly Lessons for Laggardly Lads."
And it will teach you all
there is to know about being a Lord.
[claps] Read.
Chapter one, lesson one:
"A lord must always arrive
for dinner 15 minutes late."
Mm. Mm-hmm. Yes, the common people
must be kept waiting
because lords,
such as we two, are special.
Nice.
Lesson 1A:
"A Lord must always remain on his horse."
Uh, someone wrote that one in crayon.
It's in the book, so it's a rule.
Oh… 'Kay. So, do I get a horse?
You mean… like this one?
[blows kazoo]
[Meister] This is Jehorsephat.
[neighs]
[gasps]
-[clicks]
-Not yet.
You must earn Jehorsephat
by completing your lessons.
I will! I will! Lesson Two:
"A Lord must never lower his head,
only his eyebrows."
Good. Good.
You know, you remind me of… my son.
[hesitantly] He didn't
turn into a swallow, did he?
You didn't eat him, did you?
Heavens no. It was worse than that.
-[gasps]
-[stifling sobs] He left me to become…
a pirate.
-Pirates are cool.
-They most certainly are not. [claps]
[blows kazoo]
They're wild and dirty
and they don't follow the rules.
Yes, right.
Who'd wanna sail the Seven Seas,
having adventures and finding gold?
Not me. Yuck.
Yuck, indeed.
-[snorts]
-Oh, you are a good boy. Mmm.
You may have a glimpse
of Jehorsephat. [claps]
-[neighs]
-Enough.
Hansel, you won't leave me.
-Will you?
-[Hansel] I promise.
-[hopeful music plays]
-I'll never leave you.
And I promise on my word as a lord,
that as long as you remain,
I will be like a father to you.
[William] Both Hansel and Gretel
were determined to fit in their new homes.
For Hansel, this meant
less feeling and more thinking.
And for Gretel, the opposite.
Widow Fischer insisted
that her heart be her guide.
[sighs contentedly]
-Are you thinking about that young man?
-[gasps] What? No.
I'm not thinking. I'm… Whoa!
-[thuds]
-[grunts, groans]
[weakly] I'm feeling.
Well, maybe you could
catch his eye with a new look.
-[gasps, claps excitedly]
-[grunting]
-[Gretel] Ew.
-Ooh! [giggles]
-[Gretel grunting]
-[humming]
Ooh! [gasps] Oh!
[screams]
I look awful.
Yeah, I think
I might be terrible at make-overs.
-[gentle music plays]
-[both laugh]
[William] After so much sadness,
Hansel and Gretel started to experience
the first step toward happiness.
-Hope.
-[whooshes]
[Gretel sighs]
Someday.
You and me.
[whooshing]
[neighs]
[Hansel sighs]
Someday.
You and me.
This fish fry is nothing.
In two days it's the Maypole Festival.
Everyone will be there. Even Lord Meister.
I hear he's adopted
a young boy around your age.
Maybe you'll get to meet him.
Ugh. I'm not interested.
Oh, only got eyes for a certain
handsome, young man, huh?
Well, I can't say that I blame ya.
Ooh la la.
He is one salty anchovy, isn't he?
And now, time for your archery lesson.
-[determined music plays]
-Ready. Aim. Fire.
[twangs]
Well done, my boy.
[hopeful music plays]
-[giggling]
-[children clamoring]
[snorts]
[clamoring continues]
[child giggling]
I heard you can fix anything.
Can you fix my ring, please?
[clinks]
Of course.
-[magic hums]
-[mysterious music playing]
[whoosh]
-Good as new.
-[child gasps]
Thank you! [gasps]
Twirl?
Whee!
I'm a bird. [giggles]
[children] Me!
Twirl me!
[gasps] He's looking!
[humming] Do, do, do. Do, do.
Gretel! [chuckles]
I wa-- I was hoping you would come.
I'm here, too. I'm a widow.
-Lonely widow, table for one.
-[chuckles]
-What is that?
-[clears throat] It's magic twine.
It fixes broken things.
-[hopeful music playing]
-Can it fix…
Um… I'm sorry, broken hearts…
[sighs]
They need something more.
[Gretel] Mm.
You're not like the other kids, are you?
You've endured a lot of pain.
Can…
-you fix this?
-[clatters softly]
-[enchanting music plays]
-[whooshes]
[gasps]
It seems special to you.
It is.
You're special, too.
Thank you.
-[ominous music plays]
-Twirl?
-[giggling]
-[dramatic music plays]
-Who's next?
-[children] Me! Twirl me!
-I won't throw up this time.
-[gentle music plays]
After this, I'm having a party.
-[eerie sting]
-Games, dancing.
You know, would you like to come?
-Yes! Ahem. Yes.
-[hopeful music plays]
That would be nice.
Oh, great. My house is the big red one,
-just a little way into the woods.
-[ominous music plays]
[Gretel] Not the deep dark woods?
It's just a little way.
[chuckles] You're not afraid, are you?
No, no, no. It-- It's fine.
I'll be there.
Great. See you then.
[determined music plays]
On to the next lesson. [claps]
-[hands whooshing]
-[clattering]
[music intensifies]
[hands whooshing]
-[clatters]
-[triumphant note plays]
[music continues]
[ticking]
-[chimes, cuckoos]
-[gasps]
[music ends]
Why, thank you, Shillingworth.
Hmm.
[slurping]
Were you aware that the ants
in France wear scanty underpants?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Again.
The ants in France wear scanty underpants.
Perfect. I'm so proud of you, Hansel.
And, as promised…
[claps]
[blows kazoo]
-[neighing]
-[gasps]
-[hooves clopping]
-[haughty music plays]
-Good day, Jehorsephat.
-[nickers]
-I should very much like to ride you now.
-[claps]
[music stops]
Of course, one may never ride
a new horse on a Sunday.
It's a rule.
But tomorrow, Jehorsephat is yours.
I will be patient…
Father.
-[squeals softly]
-[tear drips]
[pleasant music plays]
Knock, knock. [chuckles]
-I made your favorite, fishghetti.
-Ugh.
Hello?
Thanks, but I'm saving my appetite
for the party.
Oh, yeah, right, that young man's party.
Well, I am glad that I wasn't invited.
Probably such a cold night
to go walking out.
No, it's just right there in the woods.
The woods, right.
-[gasps]
-[clatters]
-[sinister music plays]
-The woods? The deep dark woods?
Have you lost your mind?
Please. I've walked through more deep
dark woods than I can count on both hands.
So at least nine.
Not these deep dark woods.
Are you crazy?
You can't go in there. I forbid it!
You were the one who told me to follow
my heart and see what life brings.
Well, I'm doing that.
Yeah, well, follow your heart, but you got
to use your brain while you're doing it.
And you're not doing it.
You're not thinking straight.
You are only a child,
and I know what is best for you.
First of all, you talk less crazy
when you're upset.
Second, you're just jealous
because you weren't invited.
I want real friends,
not just fish and old women!
[tense note plays]
-Right.
-[tear drips]
I'm…
-[sighs] I'm sorry.
-[footsteps departing]
Follow your heart.
[Jacob] Oh, no.
Don't do it. Just stay home.
If you stay out of trouble,
you'll go to the Maypole Festival,
and you'll see Hansel there,
and you'll be back together!
She doesn't know that.
Yeah, but she's going
into the deep dark woods!
I mean, why would she
do something that dangerous?
Well, haven't you ever had
that one special, enchanting friend?
The coolest, the smartest,
maybe a little older,
and they seem to like you.
[Dotty] Totally.
There was this blue jay,
we had so much fun together.
Then I ate his eyeballs.
Turns out he was dead the whole time.
And what would you do
for that special friend?
More like what wouldn't you do.
[chuckles] Am I right?
-[eerie music plays]
-Hm.
-These woods aren't that scary.
-[owl hooting]
[wind whistling]
-[leaves rustling]
-[gasps, chuckles nervously]
It's just the wind.
-[thunder crashes]
-[yelps]
-[gasps]
-[rain pattering]
A little rain never hurt anyone.
[woman's voice] Go home,
little girl, go home.
To a warlock's house you go.
-Go home, little girl, go home.
-[breathing heavily]
To a monster's house you go.
Hey, are you ignoring me?
[clang]
I'm the rain.
Everyone knows I don't talk
unless it's really important.
[scoffs] The rain can't talk.
Oh yeah, of course not.
I mean, the moon can eat children,
and heads can be sewn back on,
and boys can turn into beasts, but rain?
Talk? No.
That's where ya gotta draw the line, kid.
[smacks]
-Good thinking, Gretel.
-[Dotty] Mmm. These bugs need hot butter.
-[munches] Mmm.
-[sighs]
Things look frightening for Gretel.
But at least Hansel is home,
safe and sound in bed.
-[pleasant music plays]
-[horse neighs]
[determined music plays]
Leaving at night.
Isn't that against the rules?
[door opens]
Psst! Jehorsephat.
[nickers]
-[neighs]
-[joyful music plays]
I know I'm not supposed
to ride you till tomorrow,
but if Lord Meister
can break one little rule, why can't I?
[mischievous music plays]
-Whoo-hoo!
-[exciting music plays]
-Yeehaw!
-[neighs]
-[door creaks]
-[Hansel laughs]
-[Jehorsephat neighs]
-[ominous music plays]
-[dramatic sting]
-[tense music rising]
-[rattling]
-Let's go. Let's go. Oh, here we go.
-[jaunty music playing]
-[indistinct conversations]
-Yes!
-[coins clinking]
[eerie whooshing]
[rat squeaking]
[sinister music plays]
[indistinct conversations]
[door creaks]
-[Meister] I'll bet it all.
-Mm.
-[exciting music plays]
-I can do this. Luck is on my side.
-[suspenseful music plays]
-[rattles]
[Meister gasps]
Well, what a surprise. I win again.
I assurify you,
-I'm not using any devilocity.
-[growls]
-I'm just cursed with good luck.
-[clinks]
-[chuckles]
-[Meister] No! Wait! Wait!
Give me one more chance.
I beg of you! Please!
-But I have taken all of your coins.
-[coins clinking]
Eh, what could you possibly bet.
Your horse?
[neighs]
Now that wouldn't be fair, would it?
He's such a sweet, innocent, young horse.
No. No.
-[stammers] The wager will be… [chuckles]
-[gulps]
…something small, uh,
maybe something in your home.
Yes, I will bet you whatever is in front
of the fireplace in your library.
[suspenseful music plays]
Uh…
Done.
[chuckles]
[dramatic string music playing]
[dice rattling]
[clunking]
Yes!
-[chuckles]
-[dice rattle]
-[clunking]
-[magic chimes]
-[dice clunk]
-[Meister gasps]
-Oh!
-[neighs]
I'm so fiendishly sorry. Uh…
[inhales sharply]
Let me escortify you to your castle
to collect my debt. [chuckles]
Well, I'm afraid
you're going to be disappointed.
There's nothing of value
in front of that fireplace.
-[snoring]
-[Meister] Nothing but a stool.
Shadows fall upon the Earth ♪
Burying secrets in the dirt ♪
[both] All is blind and suddenly ♪
Everything shifts your eyes they see ♪
[William] Once upon a time, a young boy
was gambled away to the Devil,
and a young girl
approached the home of a murderer.
-[thunder crashes]
-[suspenseful music plays]
[closing theme song plays]
[Hansel and Gretel]
When the darkness opens wide ♪
Swallowing up the sun inside ♪
Dappled stars, they prick the sky ♪
Blanket on which the moon will lie ♪
Why must daylight always dim? ♪
Creeping dusk, so cold and grim ♪
'Tis the blackness of the night ♪
-Teaches us how to see the light ♪
-[song fades]