Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e04 Episode Script

( clock chiming, thunderclap )
( creaking )
( owl hooting )
( shrieking )
( crying )
( gasps )
( screaming )
'FESS UP, SLIMEBALLS!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
( needle scratching record )
( chuckles )
( insects skittering )
UGH, COCKROACHES.
DARN LIGHT BULB.
( humming )
( low growling )
HELLO, IS SOMEONE THERE?
( clucking tongue )
( creaking )
DR. MITTENDOLL, IS THAT YOU?
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, YOU KNOW.
YOU'RE NOT SCARING ME!
( snarling )
( gasping )
( yelling )
( snarling )
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO AW!
OH!
LOOK AT HOW CUTE YOU ARE!
ARE YOU
SOMEBODY'S BUNNY?
OH, JUST LOOK A
THAT SNOOKY-WOOKY CHEEKS!
A BUNNY RABBIT, A BUNNY RABBIT!
DO I LOOK LIKE
A BUNNY RABBIT TO YOU?
( groans )
WHO CAN EA
AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
( loud whining )
STOP CRYING.
I'LL GIVE YOU
A BREAK ON THE BILL.
YOU'LL LEARN TO LOVE IT.
( snorting )
THESE PEOPLE
ARE CALLING YOU
"THE MONSTER DOCTOR."
INGRATES.
YOU GIVE A MAN AN EXTRA NOSTRIL
YOU'D THINK
HE'D THANK YOU.
WE'VE GOT A WAITING ROOM
FULL OF FRIGHTENED PEOPLE.
FRIGHTENED PEOPLE!
THIS IS MY LUCKY DAY!
HOW DARE YOU
QUESTION MY ABILITY.
MY SENSES ARE JUST AS SHARP
AS THEY'VE EVER BEEN, AND
STOP SMILING!
( groans )
( crowd chanting in distance )
( growling )
Nurse:
somebody's bunny?
( cackling )
( laughing uncontrollably )
CLASS OH
CLASS DISMISSED!
( class laughing )
I'LL DEAL WITH YOU TOMORROW!
TOMORROW
Ickis ( panting ):
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE CALLED CUTE?
YOU MEAN, DO I KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO JUMP OU
AT SOMEONE
ON A DARK FOGGY NIGH
AND DO THIS
( growling and snarling )
ONLY TO HAVE THEM
LAUGH IN MY FACE?
YES, YES, EXACTLY!
NO. BUT I SUSPECT IT'S,
IT'S QUITE HUMILIATING.
WHAT'S THAT?
A HUMAN DICTIONARY. I'M LOOKING
UP "SNOOKY-WOOKY CHEEKS."
MAYBE IT'S A GOOD THING.
ICKIS, YOU ARE MAKING
A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
DON'T YOU MEAN A CUTE FOOL?
WHOA. DON'T GET ALL
SLIMED OUT OVER THIS.
OH, EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.
YOU'VE GO
YOUR HORRENDOUS STENCH.
OBLINA CAN REACH
DEEP INSIDE HERSELF.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
YOU'VE GOT US TO HELP YOU.
WHEN THE GROMBLE CHEWS ME UP
AND TAKES A
THOUSAND YEARS TO DIGEST ME?
UH, UNFORTUNATELY
I DO HAVE PLANS TOMORROW.
( sobbing )
WHAT'S THE USE?
( whining ):
I'LL NEVER BE A GOOD MONSTER!
( squeaking )
( moaning )
( panting )
WHAT WAS THAT?
THE POWER
OF POSITIVE STINKING.
YOU ARE AS STINKY
AS YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BE.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHY SHOULDN'T I BE AS SCARY
AS ANY MONSTER HERE?
YOU'RE A LEAN, MEAN
SCARING MACHINE.
HMM, I GUESS
I AM SORT OF SCARY, HUH?
FRIGHTENING!
FRIGHTENING?
( chuckling ):
I LIKE THAT, I LIKE THAT!
I PITY THE FOOL THAT GOES TO
SLEEP WITH ME UNDER HIS BED.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
YOU'RE BAD, ICKIS, REAL BAD!
( screeching ):
I'M BAD!
HUH? OH, BAD. BAD!
BAD IS NOT HALF OF WHAT I AM.
I AM THE UGLIEST
SLIMIEST
RAZOR-FANGED, SHARP-CLAWED
MONSTER MENACE
THIS SIDE OF NEWARK!
GOOD SHOW!
( cackling ):
I'M FEELIN' GOOD!
( chuckling ):
GO WITH THE FEELING!
WHY DON'T WE GO ABOVE GROUND
AND LET ICKIS SHOW HIS STUFF?
SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
LEAD THE WAY!
( woman talking on loudspeaker )
THAR SHE BLOWS.
JUST POINT ME
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
( stamping and clicking )
( crying )
OKAY, NEW STRATEGY.
LET'S MAKE THIS
A LITTLE EASIER.
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT A DAY.
DON'T QUIT ON US NOW.
WHERE'S THE SCARIEST MONSTER
MENACE THIS SIDE OF NEWARK?
HE GOT PRICED AND PU
ON DISPLAY IN AISLE 12.
I KNOW, I KNOW,
THINK POSITIVELY.
( crying loudly )
( Ickis growling )
( cooing softly )
Ickis:
I TOLD YOU I'M HOPELESS.
WHY ARE YOU TORTURING
ME LIKE THIS?
DON'T BE SILLY.
YOU ARE SIMPLY
HAVING AN OFF DAY.
YOU MEAN AN OFF LIFE.
I THINK YOU LIKE FEELING
SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
THAT IS NOT TRUE.
THEN PROVE IT!
GIVE THIS SCARE
EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GOT.
FINE! THEN LET'S GO
INTO THE CLOSET.
I DO MY BEST WORK
FROM THERE.
DOES HE HAVE A PRAYER?
THIS POOR CHAP HAS
A NERVOUS DISORDER.
HE'S SCARED OF EVERYTHING.
( chuckling ):
GREAT!
ALL CLEAR-- COME ON, DON.
( frightened muttering )
( screams )
DON, IT'S JUST A CHAIR.
NOW, COME ON.
I, UH, I, I, I
R-REALLY LIKE RICE.
I KNOW YOU DO, DON.
NOW, COME ON,
IT'S TIME FOR
YOUR NAPPY.
( frightened muttering )
NO NAP! RICE.
IT'S OKAY, DON.
NAP IS LIKE RICE.
RICE IS GOOD.
YES, IT IS.
SWEET DREAMS, DON.
SWEET DREAMS, HEH-HEH, YES.
RICE. HEH-HEH, GOOD.
( teeth chattering )
DON'T THINK SO
MUCH, JUST DO IT.
I'M WITH KRUMM.
GIVE IT YOUR ALL,
AND THEN LET'S BE OFF.
I'VE GOT A SCARE
OF MY OWN TO DO.
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY
OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.
THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.
( chuckling )
( inhaling
and growling )
MMM
DADDY.
( grunting and gasping )
( snorting
and laughing )
( laughing )
Ickis:
OH, FINE!
LAUGH ALL YOU WANT.
BUT YOU WON'T BE LAUGHING
WHEN YOU SEE THE NEW ICKIS.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
( chuckling ):
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THE NEW ICKIS?
YOU'LL SEE.
( water splashing )
( man grunting, wrench turning )
NOW, WHERE IS THAT DIPSTICK?
( horn honking )
( groaning )
IT'S JUST NO
THE SAME WITHOUT ICKIS.
YEAH.
HE BLOWS A MEAN HORN.
PERHAPS LAUGHING
WASN'T THE NICEST THING TO DO.
IT WAS FUNNY, THOUGH.
Patients of a man
known as "The Monster Doctor"
are staging a protest.
Let's see
if I can get a comment.
"MONSTER DOCTOR?"
Ma'am, why the protest?
( gasps )
You have three nostrils!
No kidding.
Look at what
this guy did to me!
I'D KNOW THOSE EARS ANYWHERE.
COULD THAT BE
IT'S ICKIS.
WHAT IS HE DOING THERE?
There you have it.
An incompetent doctor took
basically normal people
and changed them into twisted,
repulsive, horrifying
Sorry.
IS HE DOING
WHAT I THINK HE'S DOING?
NOT IF WE CAN
GET TO HIM FIRST. COME ON!
( snoring )
I I-I'M NOT TALKING
TO REPORTERS.
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?
I'VE SEEN WHAT YOU CAN DO,
AND I WANT YOUR HELP.
WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEE
SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES MY WORK.
ANYTHING SPECIAL IN MIND?
GIVE ME THE WORKS.
METHOD OF PAYMENT?
PAYMENT?
MOOLAH, DINERO,
SHEKELS, CABBAGE?
UM, I CAN GET YOU
PLENTY OF CABBAGE.
IT'S KIND OF OLD.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
STILL GREEN, RIGHT?
AND BROWN.
WHATEVER.
WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SCHEDULE IT?
RIGHT NOW.
THUMB THROUGH THESE PICTURES.
I CAN PROBABLY
FIT YOU IN
BEFORE MY COURT DATE
THIS AFTERNOON.
OH, WHOOPS,
DIDN'T REALIZE THE TIME.
I'LL JUST MAKE IT UP AS I GO.
THE SURPRISE IS HALF THE FUN.
( gasping )
( camera clicking )
HAVEN'T YOU REPORTERS
HEARD OF A DOOR?
I'LL TAKE THAT.
( laughing )
( sniffing )
SMELL SOMETHING?
( sniffing )
WOW!
PHEW!
( thud )
( snoring )
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
STOPPING YOU FROM
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
WHEN THIS IS OVER
I WILL BE THE SCARIEST MONSTER
IN THE ACADEMY'S HISTORY.
CAN'T LET YOU DO IT.
COME ON, BUDDY.
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
IF YOU'RE MY FRIENDS
YOU'LL GO AWAY AND
LET ME DO WHAT I HAVE TO.
KRUMM, LET HIM GO.
LOOK AT HIM.
ISN'T I
OBVIOUS?
HE'LL NEVER BE A GOOD MONSTER.
HUH?
HE IS KIND OF CUTE.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
TO YOUR LOOKS
YOU'LL NEVER BE
MUCH OF A MONSTER.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIENDS.
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE
THAT MAKES YOU A MONSTER.
YOU JUST DON'
HAVE THE STUFF.
HOW CAN YOU GUYS SAY THAT?
I'M ONLY TELLING YOU
THE TRUTH, ICKIS.
SCARY-LOOKING OR NOT,
I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE
NO BUSINESS
BEING IN MONSTER SCHOOL.
YEAH,
SNOOKY-WOOKY CHEEKS.
( growling )
( yelling )
( people screaming )
HOW'D YOU KNOW
THAT WOULD WORK?
I READ A BOOK ONCE
ON REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.
Doctor:
HEY!
YOU EVER THOUGHT OF
CHANGING THOSE LIPS?
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
'CAUSE I CAN'T.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE--
GET ME THE VIEWFINDER,
'CAUSE I AM A REAL MONSTER.
( rumbling )
WHAT WAS THAT?
IS IT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?
Man:
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE GREATES
DEDIO FAMILY VACATION EVER.
Woman:
WHY ARE WE GOING
TO WISCONSIN AGAIN?
Man:
THE NEW CHEESE TOUR ALONE
IS THREE DAYS.
( moans )
DAD, DUSTY PUT A FROG IN MY BAG.
( croaking )
( giggling )
I NEVER SAW
ANYBODY JUMP SO HIGH.
( cackling )
THERE SHE IS-- OUR ASSIGNMENT.
SHE DOESN'T LOOK SO TOUGH.
I WONDER WHY
THE GROMBLE PICKED HER.
BECAUSE SHE IS HARD TO SCARE
AND WE NEED THE EXTRA CREDIT.
ESPECIALLY YOU.
Mr. Dedio:
OOH, WHERE IS THAT VIDEO CAMERA?
I HAVE IT.
OUR ESCAPADES SHALL
NOT GO UNRECORDED.
THIS IS GOING
TO BE A PIECE OF CAKE.
WITH WORMS, I HOPE.
LET'S NOT GE
OVERCONFIDENT, GUYS.
WE GOT WORK TO DO.
LET'S SEE.
I'LL TAKE
THIS AND THIS AND THIS
AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS.
THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.
Oblina:
A SUITCASE.
OOH, THIS WILL BE PERFECT.
WE CAN HIDE IN HERE
UNTIL SHE RETURNS.
( laughing )
AH-HA!
( grunting )
OW! WHAT'S GOING ON?
( groaning )
CAUGHT LIKE RATS IN A TRAP.
THESE HUMANS ARE EVEN MORE
FIENDISH THAN I THOUGHT. OH!
OUCH.
COME ON, DEDIOS.
WE ARE OUT OF HERE.
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
JUST SIT TIGHT.
SHE'LL GET THE SCARE OF HER LIFE
WHEN SHE OPENS THIS.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
DESTINATION?
MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN.
OH, BOY, SIR.
YOU ARE IN FOR
THE THRILL OF A LIFETIME.
DON'T WE KNOW IT!
( snoring )
( airplane taking off )
( roaring )
Krumm:
HEY, IT STOPPED.
THANK GOODNESS.
WHAT IF THEY LEAVE US
IN HERE FOREVER?
I'M GETTING OUT.
( grunting )
ALLOW ME.
WE MUST BE
IN THE CLOSET.
Man:
What would you say
if I offered you
$1 million to have your wife
make me a cheese omelette?
With fine Wisconsin
cheddar, of course?
WHAT AN ODD DEN.
LET'S GET OUT.
LOOK AT ALL THE HUMANS.
WHAT ABOUT THE LITTLE GIRL?
WE'VE GOT TO SCARE
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF HER.
WELL, AT LEAST IT'S DARK.
Okay.
All you little darlings
say cheese, now.
Wisconsin cheddar, of course.
There you go.
( mooing )
( gasping )
THERE SHE IS.
HERE GOES.
( yelping )
SO MUCH FOR THAT IDEA.
HMM.
WHAT'S THIS?
( gulping )
MM, THESE AIR SICK BAGS
REALLY WORK.
I WANT A COMIC BOOK
AND I WANT IT NOW.
OKAY, HONEY, GO ON
BACK TO YOUR SEA
AND I'LL BRING
YOU ONE RIGHT AWAY.
( groaning )
THAT'S HER.
WATCH THIS.
( giggling )
OKAY, HERE'S THE SPECIAL MEAL
YOU REQUESTED, SIR.
AND HERE'S A COMIC BOOK FOR YOU.
YECCH. I FORGOT WHA
AIRLINE FOOD WAS LIKE.
( thunder )
UH-OH.
THE WEATHER'S GETTING ROUGH.
I HATE AIRPLANES.
SOMETIMES PLANES
FALL OUT OF THE AIR
FOR NO REASON.
STOP IT!
( falsetto ):
WOULD YOU
LIKE ANYTHING?
YOU STINK.
AND WHERE ARE MY CRAYONS?
I WANT TO DRAW A PLANE CRASH.
COULD I HAVE--
( screaming )
M-M-M-MONSTER!
( grunting )
WHOOPS. GREAT.
NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
HEY.
THERE'S GUM UNDER THE CHAIR.
STAY HERE, I'LL GET 'EM.
SOMETHING THE MATTER,
LITTLE MAN?
NO, PLEASE!
YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER.
UH, SORRY.
I WONDER.
COULD YOU POSSIBLY
BE MORE OF A GEEK?
HUH. WHERE'D THIS COME FROM?
THANKS, ICKIS.
THIS HOUSE IS MOVING.
WE SHOULD GET OUT.
WE ARE NOT QUITTING YET.
LEAVE IT TO ME.
Flight attendant:
We're encountering turbulence.
The captain has turned on
the "Fasten Seat-belt" sign.
( grunting )
( dinging )
( footsteps approaching )
OKAY, WE CAN QUIT NOW.
WE'LL COME BACK WHEN
THEY DON'T HAVE COMPANY.
HOW DO WE GET OUT OF HERE?
DID YOU SEE
WHAT I SAW?
WOULD ONE OF YOU BOYS
BE SO KIND AS TO FLUSH ME?
( flushing )
WOW! THESE NEW MODELS
REALLY GO FAST.
HELP!
( screaming )
WHERE ARE WE?
THIS ISN'T THE DEDIO'S.
WE ARE WAY UP IN THE AIR.
WHOA!
I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS.
CALM DOWN.
I DON'T BELIEVE
WE ARE MORE THAN
A FEW MILES UP.
I FEEL SICK.
Ickis:
THIS IS NO TIME
TO GIVE IN TO FEAR.
DID YOU SAY "A FEW MILES"?
( all screaming )
HEY, LOOK!
( groaning )
ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING?
ABSOLUTELY.
GO FOR IT!
( screaming )
WHAT IS IT, WORM-BRAIN?
OH, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
SCARED OF A CLOUD NOW?
YOU ARE HOPELESS.
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH ENGINE TWO.
WE'RE LOSING ALTITUDE.
WE ARE EXPERIENCING
ENGINE DIFFICULTY.
There is a possibility we may be
touching ground prematurely.
( all screaming )
CURDLED GOO!
IT WORKED.
Krumm:
HELP!
EXCELLENT WORK, ICKIS,
THEY WERE POSITIVELY TERRIFIED.
Krumm:
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
WHAT?
I'M STUCK.
DON'T WORRY.
IT LOOKS LIKE
WE WILL BE ON THE GROUND
IN NO TIME.
( screaming )
( grunting )
HEY! ENGINE TWO IS BACK ON LINE!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
THANK YOU.
( all sighing )
( groaning and sighing )
IT'S ALL OVER, DUSTY.
THERE'S NO REASON
TO BE SCARED NOW.
( jabbering and stammering )
( crowd cheering and clapping )
Gromble:
SO, THE ENTIRE PLANELOAD
FULL OF HUMANS
WAS SCARED,
TERRIFIED, PETRIFIED.
DO YOU KNOW WHA
THEY WERE SCARED OF?
( gasping )
AIRPLANES!
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SCARED OF MONSTERS
NOT AIRPLANES.
MONSTERS!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
( gasping )
THERE MUST BE
A BETTER WAY TO TRAVEL.
( jet engines roaring )
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]