Agatha All Along (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

1
I've missed you.
Don't you want me at my best?
Let me get my purple back.
- And then come find me.
- [CHUCKLES]
Okay, Agatha.
Who are you?
My name is [DISTORTS]
Someone's put a sigil on that boy.
A "sigil" is a spell?
[GUARD] Gulliver! You've been
nothing but bad luck.
Her mom was a witch and
also a famous goddess of rock.
- Lorna Wu?
- Take it easy.
She wrote the most famous
version of the Ballad.
Rumor has it Lorna Wu was
lost to the Witches' Road.
[ALICE] The Road isn't real.
You groupies don't get it.
It's just a stupid song.
[TEEN] I really like your tattoo.
[ALICE] My mom made me get it,
'cause she said all the women
in our family were cursed.
She wasn't well.
Mom?
Your grandmother died today.
It's my turn now.
It's gonna kill me.
Don't say that.
[SCREAMS] I can't protect you!
[LILIA] "Tame your fears".
That's what we're up against.
Our worst nightmares.
[TEEN] Sharon's dead.
I didn't think you had it in you.
You didn't think who had what in them?
[SCOFFS]
Everybody's being really quiet.
[LILIA] Be respectful.
For all we know, her mother
died on The Road, too.
My mom did die on the road.
We don't know that for sure.
She could still be out here.
She died on tour.
Hotel fire.
So, if you're not trying
to find her out here,
why did you come with us?
She said The Road would save me.
From what?
[AGATHA GROANS]
Uh
RIP, Mrs. Hart.
Well, shall we? All right.
Okay.
So, what's the problem now?
A woman is dead, Agatha.
Yes, and Alice and Teen are
kindly digging a grave for her.
So, they'll catch up
when they can. Vámonos.
[AGATHA EXCLAIMS]
Okay.
Mrs. Hart was a bad draft pick, okay?
Of course, The Road killed her.
More power for the rest of us.
Setting aside your
staggering callousness,
we still have the issue
of our incomplete coven.
Oh. Okay. Yes. Okay,
now I know the confusion.
We needed the whole gang
to access The Road.
But after that, it's anybody's game.
It's like the Ballad says,
"Burn and brew, with coven two,
and glory shall be thine". [CHUCKLES]
The Ballad clearly says, "With
coven true, glory shall be thine".
- [LAUGHS] Does it? It's "Coven two".
- That doesn't make any sense.
Does if you're a student of the Ballad.
Her mother recorded the most
popular version of the Ballad.
- So, maybe we ask Alice?
- Okay.
How many witches left The Road
with you last time?
Well, whatever. We still
need a Green Witch.
We would not have survived the
last trial without my expertise.
Not all of us did.
Well, where were you when
Mrs. Hart needed protecting?
According to my count,
Mrs. Hart drank two glasses
of the poisoned wine.
How many doses of the antidote
did she get, Potions Witch?
- This is your fault.
- Okay, wow.
- Ooh!
- It's everybody's fault.
We were supposed to look out
for each other, but we didn't.
That was our fatal mistake.
- Most fatal for Mrs. Hart.
- [SCOFFS]
I wish we could go home.
We can't. We can't go back.
And we shouldn't go forward.
Not without a replacement Green Witch.
- People can't be replaced.
- Can't they?
What if we summon a backup Green Witch?
To The Road?
There is so much that could go wrong.
So much has already gone wrong.
I mean, aren't we all coven-less witches
and by extension, we're
rule-breakers? Right?
I guess we just have to be careful,
and specific, but mostly careful.
Yes. Well said.
Now, anybody got a spell book?
Ah!
- [LILIA] Yeah. Okay.
- [AGATHA CHUCKLES]
[CHANTING IN LATIN]
and wise, and the best at her craft.
May she be smart and not annoying.
And also, not super political.
May she be pleasant looking.
- Can she bring some Advil?
- [LILIA SCOFFS]
Yes. Okay.
[CHANTING IN LATIN]
[WIND WHOOSHING]
[GASPS SHARPLY]
Now we wait.
True witchcraft takes time.
The spell must marinate, gestate
[ALL GASP AND SCREAM]
[JEN] Agatha, what did you do?
What do you mean, what did I do?
This was very clearly a group effort.
[TEEN] Oh, my God, did we
turn Mrs. Hart into a zombie?
- What spell did we cast?
- Why is the print so small?
[TEEN] Mrs. Hart, is that you?
[GASPS AND SIGHS]
Heard you guys were having a party.
- How did you
- I was in the neighborhood. [GASPS]
Surprise. My lady.
[SCREAMS]
- [JEN] We just summoned her.
- [ALICE] We need her.
What are you doing?
- [TEEN] Agatha, wait.
- [GRUNTS]
What's up? I'm Rio.
- Hello.
- What's up?
Hey.
- [GRUNTS]
- So, you're a Green Witch?
Um Less "a" Green Witch.
More [IN DEMONIC VOICE]
"the" Green Witch.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] We're supposed
to walk this thing, right?
- Yeah.
- Right this way.
- Yes, we are.
- [RIO] Yeah?
Wow. Witches' Road, huh? Okay.
[WHISTLING]
Hmm. Yeah, this is cool.
So, the dangerous-but-charismatic
lady is back.
- [GROANS]
- Do you wanna talk about it?
Are we in trouble, Agatha?
Like, more than we were ten minutes ago?
Oh, wow.
Check it out. Hmm!
So, what do we think? Can we trust her?
We know nothing about her.
We know Agatha hates her. I'd
say that goes in the "pro" column.
[CHUCKLES]
Honestly, I don't know how to feel.
Do I hate her? Or do I
want her phone number?
- Same.
- Right?
- [EXCLAIMS]
- Yeah. I mean
- Hello. Hi. How you doin'?
- Hello.
Hello.
[RIO CHUCKLES]
What a scary bitch.
[MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Here we go again.
Pass.
[GASPS] A mutiny already?
[AGATHA SIGHS] Alice.
Alice.
What's the plan, Alice?
Go back. Go around.
Go anywhere but in that house.
- [GASPS]
- [MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Uh I agree,
but The Road clearly does not.
So, I guess we go.
Waxing moon.
The fire phase.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
Okay.
Come on.
Don't drink anything.
Don't eat anything.
Don't touch anything.
Feels like there's a story there.
Oh, check me out.
Whew!
I mean, seriously. We're an
album cover waiting to happen.
The Road changes for the coven.
The Road isn't subtle.
What happens next?
A test.
No cheating this time.
Uh, moi?
Ooh!
[LILIA] Yes, Teen?
I was just thinking about
the invite on the mantel.
Maybe there is, like, a riddle
or a kickoff for this one, too.
Ooh.
Okay.
Boo. [CHUCKLES]
No.
- [WOMENS' SCREAMS ECHOING]
- [WHIMPERS SOFTLY]
She was trying to open The Road,
wasn't she? With her concerts.
Her fans were her coven.
Two years after this tour,
she had to sell the catalogue
to keep our house.
Which is it? Am I wispy or am I kooky?
Uh, a bit of both if I'm honest.
Alice.
- Alice, don't.
- Don't what?
- Pardon?
- Don't what?
Don't what what?
What
[SIGHS]
[RIO] Knock, knock.
How's the quest for power going?
It's going.
Who are these people?
- Oh, they're my new best friends.
- Mmm.
I'm feeling impatient.
I'm feeling like I wanna
cause some damage.
You're too early.
It wasn't up to me.
Magick, as it does, took
the path of least resistance,
ferried the closest, most appropriate
candidate down. Or up.
Hmm.
Why did you bring that boy?
Oh
Many hands.
Maybe The Road is like Switzerland.
What if we just call a truce?
Just I don't know.
Just one more big adventure.
- You and me.
- Like old times?
Work and play.
It could be nice, right?
I just need these witches
to get me to the end.
So, you tell me.
What happens next?
- [FEEDBACK SCREECHES OVER PA]
- [RIO OVER PA] I get the pleasure
of watching you do what you do best.
Which is?
Kill all the witches around you.
One by one.
Then what?
You get your power
and I get my bodies.
[GASPS] Hey! That's my
coven you're talking about.
I'm not that kind of witch anymore.
- [JEN] I knew it!
- Shit.
- What does she mean?
- [ALICE] What is she talking about?
- [SHRILL NOISE PLAYS]
- [ALL SHRIEK IN PAIN]
[DISTORTED SONG PLAYS OVER SPEAKER]
What is that?
I'm sorry. I thought it was a clue.
What made you think that?
It's spinning backwards.
[DEMONIC VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[ALL SCREAMING]
- Make it stop!
- Stop it. Turn it off!
- [VOICE STOPS]
- [DISTORTED SONG STOPS]
We've been cursed.
[METRONOME TICKING]
I think this means the trial started.
Why are you smiling?
- She's a tourist.
- She's a psycho.
[TEEN] And nothing's happening.
Maybe this curse isn't so bad.
Does anybody feel
What?
I feel lighter.
- [SIZZLING]
- [GASPS AND YELPS]
- [LILIA SCREAMS]
- What is it, Lilia? What's wrong?
It burns!
- What's doing that to her?
- How do we stop it?
[JEN] Alice, protect her.
Can I borrow this?
- [CHANTING IN LATIN]
It burns. It burns.
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
I need you to draw one of those
circles around me, right now.
- Are you okay?
- [TEEN] So, breaking a curse.
Smudge sticks? A salt bath?
What if we locate and reason with
the witch who cast the curse?
Once vengeance is loosed,
you can't reel it back in.
So what do we do?
The only way to end
a curse is to face it.
[SCREAMS]
No!
- [CHANTING IN LATIN]
[PANTING]
Her shoulders.
[JEN EXCLAIMS]
Do I have one, too?
[RUMBLING IN DISTANCE]
Do you hear that?
- [GASPS]
- [WITCH SHRIEKING]
What is that?
That's the curse.
The backwards record.
[LILIA] What's the song forwards?
It's you, isn't it?
You brought it in here.
[TEEN] Leave her alone, Agatha.
I didn't think it was real.
I thought it was me, that it's my fault
that I can't keep a job,
that everything I touch turns to shit,
that I couldn't save her.
I convinced myself they were birthmarks.
Even though she had the same ones.
Wait, are we talking about
a generational curse?
- Oh, you poor thing.
- Poor us!
Now we have her family's old-ass curse!
I'm sorry.
[GRUNTS]
- [YELLS AND GRUNTS]
- [WOMEN SCREAM]
[TEEN] Ow!
Hey.
I got attacked by the curse.
Does that mean I'm part of the coven?
Blessings and burdens alike.
Not a lot of blessings with this group.
[JEN] Is he okay?
[SCOFFS] So what?
You live in that circle now?
Maybe.
You look okay. Are you okay?
What's the plan, Agatha?
[TICKING CONTINUES]
You're right. That's the solution.
- No, it's not.
- [AGATHA] Mmm.
What?
We have to play Lorna's Ballad.
I'm not playing that song.
All signs point to a jam session.
What good will it do?
The Ballad opens The Road.
We did that. We're here.
Lorna's version is different, though.
What did Lorna want from The Road?
What was her intention?
To save her daughter.
You should have burnt to a crisp
years ago but here you are.
Sullen and aimless, but alive.
That's because at any given moment
somewhere, someone is playing
that song that you hate so much.
Lorna's Ballad is a protection spell.
It protected you.
And maybe now it can protect us.
[WITCH SHRIEKING]
Okay, who's good on piano? Lilia?
No. No, I studied the zils.
And a little pan flute.
- Okay. Jen.
- Ballet.
Oh, come on, guys!
- I play guitar. Sort of.
- [AGATHA] Okay, great.
Jen, you're on bass.
- I'm still in the circle
- Jen!
Well, what do you know? Zils.
Ooh! Alice.
Play it right, play it well,
and maybe we won't die.
[BUTTON CLICKS]
[ALICE PLAYING PIANO]
- [WITCH SNARLS]
- [SIZZLING]
[GROANS IN PAIN]
- Agatha!
- Keep playing! Keep playing! [GROANS]
[SINGING] I have learned the lesson ♪
Of all that's foul and fair ♪
Our love was forged in Fire ♪
Water, Earth and Air ♪
The spell is cast how long it lasts ♪
I cannot divine ♪
I think it's working.
The Road is there ♪
And so I dare to risk
this heart of mine ♪
[WITCH SNARLING]
Down, down, down The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
[ALL SINGING] Down,
down, down The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Follow me, my friend ♪
To glory at the end ♪
Oh, great! Fire!
It's angry.
Stop phoning it in! Play like a witch!
I have known the power
of midnights in the wood ♪
I've danced inside the circle
of all that's bad and good ♪
The danger's great the trials wait ♪
For those that seek the prize ♪
Tame your fears a door appears ♪
To love that never dies ♪
As we go ♪
Down, down, down The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down The Road ♪
- Down the Witches' Road ♪
- Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Blood and tears and bone ♪
Together and alone ♪
If I can't reach you ♪
Let my song teach you ♪
All you need to keep our love alive ♪
If I can't hold you ♪
Remember what I told you ♪
It's the only way we survive ♪
We survive ♪
As we go ♪
- Down, down, down The Road ♪
- [SNARLS]
Down the Witches' Road ♪
[ALICE] The curse.
I see it. I can see it.
[SHRIEKS]
I can kill it.
- Down the Witches' Road ♪
- Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down ♪
Wherever it may bend ♪
I'll see you at the end ♪
[VOCALIZING]
I'll see you at the end ♪
[VOCALIZING]
I'll see you at the end ♪
[VOCALIZING]
I'll see you at the end ♪
I'll see you at the end ♪
- [SIGHS IN RELIEF]
- [JEN] Did we do it?
- [AGATHA CHUCKLES] It's gone.
- [JEN] Is it gone?
The exit!
We did it. Yay!
- [GROANS]
- Teen! What happened?
What's wrong with him?
[JEN] He's bleeding.
We've got to get him out of here.
- [LILIA] Careful, careful.
- Watch his head.
- [LILIA] Careful. Gently.
- [JEN] Okay, hold on. Hold on.
- [AGATHA] There's so much blood.
- [JEN] I got it.
What else can we do?
What else can we do?
- He's young. He's strong
- Don't!
Don't.
Jen, what do you need, Jen?
What do you need?
- [JEN] Uh
- Jen!
[STAMMERS] Water and moonlight.
Oh! Okay.
[AGATHA] Hurry! Hurry!
Okay, I got it. I got it.
- Hold this.
- Okay.
[CHANTING IN LATIN]
- [CONTINUES CHANTING]
- [AGATHA] I think you're making it worse.
- Wait.
You're making it worse!
- [GASPS]
- [LILIA] Jennifer
Look what you did.
[JEN] We should move him
somewhere more comfortable.
[AGATHA] Yeah.
[JEN] I never really identified
as just a witch.
I'm an 11th-generation
root worker and midwife.
A midwife
How were you bound?
I was invited to the brand-new
Obstetrics Association
of Greater Boston.
To share my expertise.
It was a trap.
I still don't know how he did it.
Bound me without magick.
So much for "Do no harm".
When Mom died,
I stopped believing everything
she ever taught me.
I was so angry.
Part of me hoped that
The Road wasn't real,
so I could stay angry.
Because
Now you know. It was all for you.
And that makes you sad.
You're right.
Sad is better than angry.
Here. Put this on your pressure points.
Why?
Because it smells nice.
Thanks, Jen.
[LILIA] You know, the worst
part of being a witch?
All the misconceptions
and rumor mongering.
That we talk to goats.
That we've all got an extra nipple.
You guys don't have extra nipples?
I'm covered in nipples.
- You wanna see?
- [LILIA] No, thank you.
[WOMEN CHUCKLE]
Still alive. Great.
Agatha.
Did you put the sigil on me?
No.
Actually, I wouldn't know.
A sigil works on the witch
who cast it as well.
That's why we don't use them
as much. They're super irritating.
Can it be lifted?
Sigils are destroyed. Not lifted.
And before you ask, "How?" in
that curious little voice of yours
The answer is when
they're no longer needed.
You don't have to know a person's
name to know who they are.
Careful you don't say
something nice to me.
Oh, I won't.
Agatha
What really happened to your son?
Heal fast. We're not staying here long.
[LILIA] Check this out.
- What is that?
- Vampire bite.
Right before I knocked out
his other tooth.
- Oh!
- [WOMEN LAUGH]
You know, we really kind of
hated each other in the beginning.
But now
- But now?
- Huh?
- Lilia, where do you go?
- [CHUCKLES]
How is he?
- Mouthy.
- [LILIA] That's a good sign.
Agatha, why don't you show us
your battle scars?
- Well
- [RIO CHUCKLES]
- Knitting needle to the elbow.
- [GROANS]
You ever hear of the
Daughters of Liberty?
- No.
- No.
Exactly.
[ALL LAUGH]
I've got a scar.
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
A long time ago, I loved someone.
And I had to do something
that I did not wanna do,
even though it was my job.
And it hurt them.
She is my scar.
I'm gonna stretch my legs. [EXHALES]
[RIO CLEARS THROAT]
Don't think for a second I've forgotten
what you said in the sound booth.
[SCOFFS AND HISSES]
[AGATHA MOANS SOFTLY]
Agatha?
That boy isn't yours.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]