Alpha House (2013) s01e04 Episode Script

- I got this, sir.
- What the hell are you doin'? - Mouth-to-mouth.
He stopped breathing.
- You're blowing him up like he's a sex doll.
He's lucky he didn't pop.
Oh, my God, Lou.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it looks horrible, like like gazpacho.
Don't worry, sir.
It's not that bad.
Just bad enough to say you've been in the shit.
Me? - In the shit? - Yes, sir.
Hang in there, I just gave you somethin' for the pain.
Gruber! Stretcher here, now! One, two, three.
In the shit.
Hell yeah.
He has an open tibia fracture.
He's lucky, there doesn't appear to be any neurological or vascular injury, but the compartment pressures are elevated, so we're gonna need to perform an emergency fasciotomy to relieve the tension.
Barring infection, he should be fine.
So if you'll excuse me, sirs, ma'ams, I'll get back after it.
Colonel, how soon before you can transport the Senator home? It's hard to say, ma'am.
We've got multiple criticals on deck for the flight to Landstuhl.
Could be three, four days.
- No.
- Ma'am? Did you just say "three to four days"? That's unacceptable.
Louis is a hero.
Yes, ma'am, but there are a lot of folks around here who fit that description.
The doctor is right.
- Uh-oh.
- I'm no hero.
These guys are the real heroes.
That guy, and that guy Senator, you can't be upright, sir.
That gal, she's a hero too.
I don't see gender, just heroes.
Get that leg elevated.
We need to prep him for surgery.
Robert.
- How you doin', buddy? - Well, I'm good.
But you need to stay put, Louis.
- Robert, you know what? - No, what? My doctor's an angel.
I'm not kiddin'.
She's like an actual angel who's a Colonel, and a doctor, and a woman.
What a package.
I think you're gettin' some pretty good care here there, Louie Lou-I.
Along with some pretty good morphine.
Doctor Colonel Angel, am I going to heaven? Maybe, Senator.
But first, we got to get you back to Walter Reed.
Walter Reed.
- Oh, no.
- What? What? I voted to close Walter Reed.
- I'm an idiot.
- Okay, let's roll.
- Excuse me, Senator.
- Idiot.
- How you doin' now? - Fine, I guess.
- Just some some ringing in my ears.
- You may want to get that checked when you get home, Angie.
You probably have TBI, traumatic brain injury.
Jesus, that sounds scary.
Yeah, but they're making lots of strides.
Who you tryin' to call? Benny, my operations guy.
I can't get a signal.
I've heard that the Taliban forces the cell phone carriers to shut down their towers at night.
That way, no one can report their movements.
Their movements? You mean the Taliban is moving around out there? Yeah.
Ay, dios mio.
I can't believe this.
I can't believe this.
Benito! [Speaking Spanish.]
What's she sayin'? - It's kind of private.
- She's shouting, Andy.
Trust me, you don't want to know.
No, no, no Benito.
[Speaking Spanish.]
Gracias.
Ay.
He did very well with the surgery.
There were no complications.
His spirits appear to be excellent this morning.
We have every expectation that Senator Laffer will regain the full use of his leg.
Colonel, when do you expect he'll be able to go home? Well, now that he's stabilized, we think we'll be able to transport him - within three to five days.
- Colonel.
Shelby Mellman, Reno Post-Tribune.
My reporting reveals that Senator Laffer will be leaving shortly on a private jet with a personal medical team.
Are you aware of this? No.
No.
That's the first I've heard of it.
Of course, as non-military personnel, the Senator is free to opt out of our system - at any time.
- And and a follow-up, please.
Senator Biggs.
Good morning, sir.
So if Senator Laffer returns on a private plane will you and the rest of the party be traveling with him? Well, son, you seem to know a lot more about this than we do.
But if I get my choice between a freezing military transport cargo bay and a sweet little executive jet, hell yes Assuming, of course, that there is no conflict of interest.
Who's paying for the jet? I'm not sure, sir.
My source was talking really, really fast.
So overhearing private conversations is reporting now.
It isn't? She was being really loud, very public domain-ish.
Did you check your translations - with Ms.
de Portago? - Oh, is that her name? She's not a public official, Shelby.
I know, but this is such a great story.
Beloved Senator is wounded visiting the troops.
He gets stuck in evacuation hell, but then, a glamorous Latino benefactor steps in and whisks our local hero home.
Oh, you're right, Shelby.
That is a great story.
Coach.
Leland.
God damn.
Man alive, look at you, Colonel Grimmel all birded up and shit.
Yeah, punishment for not getting out, coach.
Slow learner.
Leland, say hello to Hakeem Agabi, my body man.
Hakeem played point guard with the '04 championship squad.
You don't have to tell me, coach.
I'm a big fan, sir.
My guys are gonna love meetin' you.
Are you swinging by the barracks today, coach? That's the plan.
How about a little one-on-one? Uh, all due respect, coach I don't Not me, you pinhead.
Hakeem against your best man.
Man, coach, Hakeem played semi-pro.
Okay, your two best men.
You win, you get this.
Teenage scotch.
Kuwaitis tried to confiscate it, but I threatened to close down the base.
You win, it's yours, but if I win, I get a chopper ride to the Army-Navy game.
Game on, coach.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Don't worry, Leland, I told him to take it easy.
Really, coach? I told my guys the same thing.
Oh.
Deep downtown.
Fuck.
That really should be a three-point play.
Don't you think, Leland? Boom.
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Hey, take it easy out there.
God damn it, Leland, what the fuck are your guys doin'? Just playin' the game, coach.
Oh, you want 'em to back down? It's good! Tar heels take the lead with two seconds to go.
But hold on, they're waving off the basket.
And coach Biggs did not like that call one bit.
Coach just grabbed a foam finger from a fan in the first row and holy cow! Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Coach.
Coach.
Coach.
Just breathe, coach.
That's it.
Just take it slow.
- Breathe.
- I'm okay.
All right.
I'm sorry, son.
I'm sorry, I-I-I got these triggers, you know? - You okay? - Yeah, I'm I'm good, sir.
The Clemson game all over Except there's no cameras this time, right? What's on tap for this afternoon? NATO disengagement briefing, and we'll have to do another Senator Laffer update.
The story's blowing up back home.
Oh, Christ.
I mean, I love Louis, but the guy comes over here tricked out like iron man, and he still gets hurt.
Managed to hijack the whole God damn trip.
I mean, what's the point now? Who's gonna care what the rest of us have to say about the war? I need a God damn drink.
Only a few hours away, amigo.
What? That's right, fully-stocked bar and a very sweet ride direct to Andrews.
Arriving at 1800, according to a very good-looking Captain at flight control.
Who'd you get to send a plane? No one.
It was my idea.
Louis needs to go home to his family right away.
He's a hero.
Why does everybody keep saying that? He's a victim, not a hero.
We really goin' home tonight? I hope to shit that's not a rumor cause I've about had it with the fuckin' troops.
Jesus, Gil, you don't say that.
- Say what? - "Fuckin' troops.
" They those words can never be used in combination, ever.
You can when you've had the day I've had, Robert.
Ay.
Ay, no.
Ay, no.
Gil John, get down.
Rocket attack.
Nope.
No, sir.
- Not gonna do it.
- Take cover, Gil John.
Mm-mm.
I've already hit the deck once today, and I'm not doing it again.
It's too hard to get up.
Gil John, come on.
Are you crazy, man? Let's just say I like my odds.
They already blew up Louis.
How are they gonna get that lucky again? I just I wanna go home.
I wanna get on my jet, and I wanna go home.
This is your Captain, Scott Kittridge.
It's a pleasure to have you on board, Ms.
de Portago.
Ah, thank you, Scottie.
Whoo! You're the best.
And I'd like to welcome your distinguished guests, especially Senator Louis Laffer, our newest American hero.
Yay, Louis.
Booyah, my brother.
Good to have you all aboard.
Now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.
So, Benny, you're Adriana's Miami guy.
I look after Ms.
de Portago's affairs.
Yes.
Really? Her affairs? Senator Guzman, as you know, Ms.
de Portago is a woman of considerable means.
Her father always turned to me for counsel, and the daughter now does the same.
I am grateful for the family's trust.
Oops, I didn't know you were gonna go all consigliere on me.
I'm just messing with you, amigo.
I see.
Are you just messing with Ms.
de Portago? That's not exactly your department, is it, Benny? Senator, my client enjoys her good life, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but she also values loyalty.
If your reputation for disloyalty is at all predictive, I think you'll find Ms.
de Portago most, um Most? Unhelpful to your ambitions? Oh, really? Unhelpful.
Mwah.
Dr.
Davis, Dr.
Matthews Mrs.
Laffer.
It's me, Julie.
Oh, Julie.
Oh, no.
Darling! Darling! My poor, poor, sweet little giant.
Oh, Robert.
I thought you were gonna look after him.
Lola was just devastated, but she is fine, Louis.
I told her to stay put.
Once you're admitted, she's gonna video face-chat you.
I saw Lola when I was blown up.
Why was she there? Is she studying abroad? Senator Laffer, I'm Dr.
Phillips.
- Welcome home, sir.
- Thank you.
I understand you drew some fire out there? Why, yes.
Yes, I did.
We're gonna patch you up and get you back online, sir.
The folks out here are the best in the world.
- Third floor.
- Thank you.
Procedures to active and retired personnel every day.
Hey, it's Senator Laffer.
Senator Laffer, Senator Laffer! We're from Nevada.
Thank you.
Thank you for waving at me.
You look like amber grains of wave.
Get well soon, sir.
You're a hero.
This is so great.
How was your trip, Senator? A total nightmare, thank you, Tammy.
And no, it would not have gone better if you had been there.
Obviously, I couldn't have prevented Senator Laffer from gettin' hurt, sir.
But you personally might have gotten the kind of press that's actually useful, instead of just a video of you gettin' off the private jet of a glamorous Latina socialite.
Give me a break here, Tammy.
We had to get Louis home.
It didn't require the return of the entire CoDel, sir.
It's-- it's just hard to understand what you were thinkin'.
Jesus.
She's like Jimmy the Cricket with big hair.
Good morning, everybody.
Shh.
It's Mrs.
Biggs.
Tammy, I think we can all agree the trip was a complete debacle.
Oh, Christ.
While Louis received lots of nice coverage Oh, how is Louis, by the way, Gil John? Blown to shit, Maddie, and it's not like he planned it.
Would you rather I'd been blowed up? Okay, look people, it's all about the debate now and debate prep.
- Tammy, are we ready to go? - Yes, ma'am.
I want you to schedule two-hour sessions every day for the next week.
We got to get you up to speed, G.
J.
It's been a while, which means we have to work as a team.
Tammy, darling, you're upset with the Senator with good reason, but I want you to go over and give him a big old hug to show we've all moved on.
So we've got it all hugged out? Do we? - Yes, ma'am.
- Good.
Now let's roll up our sleeves, gang.
Preparation is everything.
I'm flying in tonight.
We'll start first thing in the morning.
What? Yeah, don't you worry about picking up the house, Gil.
I'm gonna stay at the Capital Hilton.
Gotta run.
I have book club.
See you all in the morning.
Hakeem? - You see that putter over there? - I see it, coach.
When I'm not lookin', cave my skull in, would you? Here at Walter Reed Medical Center, the most popular attraction these days is Nevada Senator Louis Laffer's surgically reconstructed leg.
A long line of distinguished well wishers has included Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, House leader John Boehner, as well as his neighbor and colleague from across the aisle Senator Rosalyn DuPeche.
You're in the picture, Robert.
Smile, Louis.
Damn, Louis.
No one's gonna believe this.
They will now.
I'm gonna have James tweet this bad boy.
Shelby, want a copy for your article? Oh, no, thank you, Senator Laffer.
I got some video earlier for our online edition.
Video? Of what? Uh, muscle spasms or something.
I'm I'm not really sure what I was looking at, but it It looked really cool.
It is twitchy.
I went over this morning and watered the garden.
Everything's fine.
The house is a mess, but I don't pick up after colleagues.
The house is a mess? Already? Well, don't look at me.
I live on the non-hillbilly side.
You guys should hire a housekeeper.
Well, at least till Louis gets home.
Yes, we should have a housekeeper.
What do you think, Robert? I'm in.
I'm a job creator.
Don't be absurd.
- You're a Republican.
- Yes, Rosalyn, I am.
And that's why we on the Republican Robert, we had an election.
Re-branding the criminally rich as job creators didn't fly.
Oh, that's right, just Just go ahead and smear the successful.
Hey, hey, hey.
This is a hospital room.
- I'm suffering.
- Louis, honey, it may not seem like it right now, but you are one lucky little monkey.
- And you know why? - No.
Why, Rose? "A", you're still alive.
But "B", you got blown up, which, while painful, is very cool, very Hurt Locker.
And you got just the right amount of blown up.
Not too seriously, just enough to get the hero thing going.
Well, I was in the shit over there, Rose.
No, baby-doll, you were in the shit over here.
And now, you're not.
Your numbers have totally turned around.
Genius.
Did you know someone in the Taliban? - Senator DuPeche? - Yes.
Did did you say monkey or munchkin? Robert, lunch? - Uh - Relax, I'm buyin'.
There you go, sir.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Maddie's flyin' in tonight to lead debate prep.
Ooh, can I be there? Christ, Robert, you ought to see my staff.
It's like the damn Wells Fargo wagon's comin' to town.
Dogs barkin', geese scatterin'.
Well, that's 'cause she cares, Gil.
So does your wife, but she stays the hell in Philadelphia.
Now I'm gonna have to spend all afternoon prepping for the damn prep so I don't embarrass myself.
You gonna finish that? I haven't even started it.
Hey, need some help with flash cards? I told you it was him.
Stop pullin' me, mommy.
S-Senator Biggs, we are big fans.
C-c-could we get an autograph? Here you go, buddy.
Already got my Hancock on it.
Oh, wow.
Here you go, son.
Hey, how about a picture? - Could we get a picture? - Yeah, sure.
- Do you mind? - Oh.
Come on, guys.
Okay.
Hold that for me.
We heard you're runnin' against Digger Mancusi, Senator.
No, ma'am, Digger Mancusi's running against me.
I'm the incumbent.
It's so excitin'.
Digger's amazin'.
Do you know him personally? All right, go ahead and smile now.
Give me your gum, honey.
Pull up your pants and tuck your shirt in.
Got it.
Thank you.
Are you his bodyguard? Awesome.
Can I see your gun? Good luck, Senator Biggs, and and and and remember, don't give up.
You never know.
Fuck, you see what I'm up against? You? They think I'm the muscle.
I'm wearin' Armani.
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