American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s01e04 Episode Script

HALEY: La, la, la, la, la ♪
Hey, Jake. Guess what?
I got all As
on my report card. (GIGGLES)
(SIGHS) Yeah, that's nice.
You're, uh, blocking the TV.
And guess what else?
I found your old report card
from when you were my age.
"C," "C," "C,"
"C-minus", "D."
I'm gonna put
them both up on the fridge.
I'd offer you some
of my lollipop,
but you already have
four cavities.
What's it like to have a cavity?
(SCREAMING)
-W-w-whoa. I didn't do it.
-Haley.
Good golly.
What is it, pumpkin?
My tooth!
It's all wiggly.
(GASPS) It's your first loose tooth.
Oh, finally!
Camera.
Get the camera.
Hey. You know, Haley who,
when that tooth falls out,
the magical Tooth Fairy will
come visit while you sleep
and leave a dollar
under your pillow.
A dollar?
Is that open for negotiation?
Whoo! A dragon tooth.
How de-l-l-l-l-lightful
Oh. Occasions such as this
make me glad I'm the Tooth Fairy.
Da, la, la, la, la, la
Dr. Diente, could you
pretty, pretty please
bring me a cup
of dandelion tea?
I feel like celebrating.
Dr. Diente
-Ha ha ha ha.
-(MUFFLED SHOUTS)
Sorry, boss.
It's my turn to celebrate now.
What was your
stupid command for this thing?
Mmm. Well, abraca-dental.
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
Tooth minions, take her.
Take me where?
Un-hand me this minute. (SCREAMING)
Hello, my little
dragon-fanged friend.
I've been
waiting for you.
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
People, we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American Dragon ♪
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American Dragon ♪
Dragon up! ♪
American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
He's the American Dragon ♪
Break down with the dragon ♪
His skills are gettin' faster ♪
With Grandpa, the master ♪
His destiny, what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
American Dragon ♪
From the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E" ♪
I'm the Mackdaddy Dragon of the NYC ♪
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG)
But Daddy, it's bugging me!
Now, honey bun, the tooth will fall out
when the time comes.
Honey, trust me. You won't get
that tooth out by pulling it.
I know. 'Cause it's not
a regular tooth. It's a dra
Yes, Haley. It is a drag
to have such a stubborn tooth.
It'll just have to
fall out on its own.
Well, you just let me know when it does
so I can put in a call to the Tooth Fairy.
Hey! What the
I toasted it for you.
(BURPS)
Haley, you little
Jake, be patient with her.
She's still learning.
She shouldn't even have
dragon powers yet.
I had to wait
till I was 13.
Well, girls mature
faster than boys, honey.
Mommy, do girls always
get better grades than boys, too?
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Mommy, do girls
always get better grades than boys, too?
Man, she thinks
she's so perfect.
Yeah, she's perfect
at wrecking my life.
Yo, peep game, Jake.
I think we got something
that's gonna cheer you up.
Yeah, yeah.
Check it.
Trixie hooked us up with tickets
to the Hip Hop Video Awards.
(LAUGHING)
My cousin Lawanda,
yeah, see, she plays volleyball
with the guy who brings bagels
to the girl who runs the sound check.
Yeah, yeah,
and check this again.
For the grand finale,
Shaniqua Chulavista is gonna sing her
new hit single, Baby, Don't Be Frontin'.
What? Shaniqua C In person?
Outside of my dreams?
Yo, sign me up!
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
Yo, yo. What's up, G?
What's up with all
this magical mojo?
Spiritual house maintenance.
Re-enacting an ancient spell
to protect the house
from unwanted magical visitors.
What, is there some
trouble around here?
'Cause you know I could
just dragon on up
and kick me some
serious, magical
Whoa. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Down, boy.
It's just standard
procedure.
Trust me. If there were trouble going
down in this city, we'd know about it.
Day after day, I have to sit by
and watch you misuse your power.
You have unlimited access
to every house in the world,
and you break in
and leave money?
That's not a very
good business model, is it?
Shamey, shamey
shame on you, Dr. Diente.
Whatever you're up to,
no good can come of it.
Good? Oh, who
said anything about good?
Do you know how
long I've been biding my time,
sneaking teeth from your stash
to build my army of tooth minions?
Watching you give away millions
in dimes, quarters, dollars
to ungrateful,
grimy, little brats!
Night after night
after night after night!
You'll never get away
with this.
(LAUGHING) Just watch me.
All I need is one dragon tooth.
Let's see.
Ah, yes. Haley Long.
No! You leave her alone.
That little girl's
as precious as a butterfly
perched on a freshly bloomed
Pa-pa-da-da-pa-pa.
Dump her in Jersey.
(SCREAMING)
Baby, don't be frontin' ♪
'Cause I know who you be huntin' ♪
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm,
something, something ♪
(BEATBOXING)
-Yeah!
-Ahem, Jake.
Can't talk now, Moms.
I'm getting ready for the show.
-Show?
-Yeah.
Trixie scored us some tix
to the Hip Hop Video Awards.
Jake, you promised to babysit Haley
while your father and I
go see Catskills on Ice, remember?
Hey! Nice wheels.
Jake, I need you to babysit Haley
Friday night, okay?
That's right. Uh-huh.
I'll do it.
I'll d-d-do it.
There was
interference.
Well, can't
Can't someone else babysit?
What about Grandpa? Or Fu Dog?
That old guy who feeds the pigeons!
I'm sure Grandpa, Fu Dog, and Esteban
already have plans for the night.
Besides, they aren't the ones who made
a promise to babysit their little sister.
But this is a
once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're right. An opportunity
to live up to your responsibilities
and be a good role model
to your little sister.
She looks up to you.
She's two feet tall.
She looks up to everybody.
-MOM: have fun, kids.
-Bye!
You are totally
harshing my gig.
I'm sorry you have to babysit me
and miss your
once in a lifetime opportunity
to go to the Hip Hop Video Awards.
Want me to cheer
you up with a little Chopin?
(CHOPIN PLAYS)
(SIGHS) Why couldn't I
have been an only child?
Tooth minions, it is time.
Seize the little girl.
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
(ZAPPING)
What? It's It's some kind of shield.
Tooth minions, pull back.
You know, Jake,
I feel it's my duty as your little sister
to remind you of the house rules.
No eating in the living room.
No feet on the coffee table.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
And no answering the door to strangers.
You're what? You can't stay home.
Ah, the Hip Hop Video Awards
are a once in a lifetime op, dude.
If you miss this,
you'll never forgive yourself.
You'll be in the old folks home
all old and so full of regret,
there won't even be room inside
for, like, prunes or dust or
I promised to babysit.
There's nothing I can do.
Here. Now I know you
probably can't get her autograph,
but maybe some of
Shaniqua's sweat will land on it.
Nah, baby cakes.
You're gonna get sweat on it
live and direct.
We just gonna take turns
watching Haley.
Ain't no thing
but a chicken wing.
You guys would
do that for me?
(HESITATING)
Uh, well, uh
Course, bro.
We totally got your back.
You guys rock!
SPUD: Greenwich mean time.
See ya in 20.
Don't worry
about a thing, bro.
Trixie and I will
totally keep Haley in one piece.
He's right.
Who cares if I'm not there?
Between Trixie,
Spud, and Gramp's magical mojo,
what could go wrong?
Ah, so that's it.
Some sort of spell.
No matter, minions.
That little girl
has to come out sooner or later,
and when she does
(LAUGHING)
(WHISPERING)
We'll make our move.
MAN ON TV: Bring on the f-zunk,
New York City!
Yo, it be the third annual
Hip Hop Video Awards.
Wanna see my loose tooth?
No, I do not wanna see
your nasty, old too
Ooh, girl.
You're gonna get some
serious cha-ching for that one.
Hey, yo, Spud, check it out.
(GASPS)
It doesn't matter
how much cha-ching I'm gonna get.
My mom says I have
to wait till it falls out on its own.
(SPUTTERS)
Parents always say that.
You want this baby out,
little mama?
-Mmm-hmm.
-Then let's do this.
On 3. 12
Uhh, 3. Uhh.
Yo, what's up
with these roots?
(LAUGHING) No worries.
We're totally on this.
Tooth, you're going down!
You hear me?
I'm bringing you down to Chinatown!
Um, I don't think this is
a proper method of safe tooth removal.
Hey, hey, hey. Trust Mama Trixie
and hold still, will you?
Ready?
Set Slam!
Spud, you sure about this?
Uh-huh. I'm confident.
Let her rip!
-Oh!
-Uh Ow!
SPUD AND HALEY: Whoa! Whoa!
(CRASH)
Oh, we in trouble now.
SPUD: You have to be the tooth.
Visualize yourself falling.
Say, "I am free."
I am free.
Now reach deep inside yourself
and harness the fire within.
Aah! Get it off me! Get it off me!
It burns! (SCREAMING)
Aah! Ooh, ooh!
Ow! Ooh, ooh!
(CRASH)
Ah, whoa.
You are seriously in tune
with your inner fire.
You should rent yourself out
for parties.
I'm chocolicious ♪
One of your favorite dishes ♪
I will grant all your wishes ♪
Do de do de do ♪
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-Uh
Haley's loose tooth
was buggin' her.
Yeah. We'll be back
in 20 minutes.
(STAMMERS)
What? But, what? Haley!
(POT SHATTERING)
What is going on
in there?
What are you doing?
Trixie told me that hockey players
always lose their teeth.
Let's brawl!
Will you just
Take it outside.
Okay, but Mom says
I'm not allowed outside after dark.
MAN ON TV: And don't forget,
homies, coming up next,
Jaren MacArthur's
gonna bust a move
with his number one hit,
Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby.
Baby.
It's the dragon!
Get her!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing out here?
Trying to knock my tooth out so
the Tooth Fairy gives me the cha-ching.
The Tooth Fairy doesn't leave cha-ching
for hockey players.
It's a whole union thing.
It's complicated.
Actually, the Tooth Fairy
won't be leaving cha-ching for anyone.
Somebody, help!
Okay, go to your happy place.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
I found your sister.
Cool. Only two more
bands to go until Shaniqua!
Let's go, bro!
Wait. Isn't it
your turn to watch Haley?
Sorry. Momentary lapse of reason
due to sudden onset of
adolescent hormonal influx.
See ya.
(CRASH)
Only one more band till Shaniqua
rocks the hizzy for shizzy. Yeah!
See, Jake? I told you watching Haley
wouldn't be nothing but a chicken wing.
ALL: Haley!
(ALL SCREAM)
Hi, guys.
Where've you been?
(ALL SIGH)
MAN ON TV: Yo, yo, y'all. Get ready to
shake your booties 'cause up next,
we got the one, the only,
Shaniqua Chulavista.
Uhh! Aah!
Shaniqua!
I gotta see this!
Are you guys okay to watch Haley?
Oh, nuh-uh-uh. Wait a minute.
You ain't goin' nowhere, homeboy.
I gotta see this, too.
No way.
I'm watching Shaniqua.
-Me, too.
-Me, too.
Me, too!
At last.
Tooth minions, after them!
Yo, wait up, guys.
(GROWLING)
Eye of the dragon.
Well, uh, uh, hey.
Hey, Trixie, Spud,
Um, I think
something's stuck in my wheel.
You guys better
go on without me.
Haley, go with
Trixie and Spud.
-No. I'm gonna stay.
-Haley
Uh, yeah. Maybe you guys
should sort this thing out yourselves.
Make it quick, dude.
Shaniqua's going on in 15.
All right, whoever you are
or whatever you are.
Bring it on.
(EVIL LAUGHING)
(SWOOSH)
Boy, you dudes are gonna be sorry
you're keeping me from the show.
You know, I really think
we should've stayed home tonight.
Haley, I know what I'm doing.
Just sit still.
And no dragon stuff.
Dragon up.
Uhh. Ha!
Yay!
Yeah! Ha! You know it.
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
Whoo. What? What?
What the
Ha. Uhh. Ha.
Hyah!
Uhh. Uhh. Huah.
How ya like me now, huh,
you freaky tooth dudes?
Uh, Jake, you're wearing
ladies' underwear.
Oh. (LAUGHING)
Yeah, oh, I know
'cause it's part
of my mackdaddy thing, yo.
(SHRIEKING)
(GROWLING)
What are you?
I-S-T-I-C.
Your turn.
Leprechaunistic?
That is not a word.
Aye, it's in the dictionary.
Yep. Right between
leprechaunilicious and leprechauntastic.
Ay ya. This is
the last time
I play Word-A-Cross
with an Elfin dictionary.
(BUZZING)
Yeah, yeah. Go sell it
somewhere else. We're stocked up here.
(GASPS) Tooth Fairy?
T.F., is that you?
Oh, sweet stars in heaven.
Things have gone to h-e-double hockey
sticks in a handbasket!
Fu Dog, I did not realize
you knew the Tooth Fairy.
Oh, yeah, we go way back.
I had to sell her
my left molar when I lost a bet.
Heh, never mind.
Gee, T.F., you look like
Like I dragged my mangled body
all the way from Jersey
after almost being
crushed to death at a junkyard?
Sure, let's go with that.
Listen to me.
My assistant betrayed me.
He stole my wand.
He's after a little girl's dragon tooth.
FU AND GRANDPA: Haley!
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
What, y'all ain't had
enough yet?
Whoo!
Jake, behind you!
Wa-ha!
Ya. Uah.
Hyah!
Yeah, you see that?
Now that's how you handle
some real dragon business, Haley.
Ya heard?
(TIMIDLY) Haley
Haley!
Where are you?
Yo, yo, Haley,
if this is a joke
(GRUNTING)
Kid, where's Haley?
I was supposed to be
watching her, but
We are too late.
Who are they?
What did they want with Haley?
They want her tooth.
A dragon tooth has mighty powers.
According to legend,
if anyone plants a dragon tooth in soil,
unspeakable evils will be
unleashed upon the Earth.
Hi, I'm the Tooth Fairy.
Uh, where's Haley?
I'm guessing they took her back
to my twa-la-la-la-lair. Follow me.
So you're a dentist? My dentist
always gives me free toothbrushes.
Plus, he never puts me in a cage.
Well, little girl,
I'm a different kind of dentist.
The kind that is going to
get back every dollar
that fool Tooth Fairy gave away.
As soon as I plant
your precious dragon tooth,
I'll be unstoppable.
Um, just so you know,
my big brother's gonna kick your behind.
Your brother? (LAUGHING) Spare me.
Where's your brother now, little girl?
From what I hear,
he'd rather be an only child.
After all, it is his
fault you're here in the first place.
Now, be a good, little brat
Oh! Why, you little
Hyah!
Sorry, Diente, but Oh, crumb.
If I'd known I was going to have guests,
I would've straightened up the place.
Grandpa!
Hyah!
Unh!
Tooth minions, attack.
(ALL GRUMBLING)
Uhh, whoa.
Uhh. Haley.
Jake, you came.
Hey, let go of me.
Whoa!
(SCREAMING)
Ah, a dragon tooth.
I have been waiting to do this
And I've been waiting
to do this.
Huah. Wah.
How do you like that?
Whoo-hoo.
I think this doctor's
gonna need a doctor.
Ooh, the giggle is up, Diente.
Fine, but who needs a wand
when you have the tooth of a dragon?
(GROANS) At last.
The legend of dragon tooth
will be the stuff of legends no more.
Huh? Whoa!
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm off to recoup
some of your idiotic losses, Fairy.
Just in case I need
a few extra dragon teeth
-(SCREAMING)
-Come here, you.
(SHRIEKS) Help!
Look, you can keep your money.
Just give me back my sister.
(ROARS)
(GROANING)
HALEY: Jake!
Ha ha! Y'all better
call in the vultures
'cause this cowboy's
goin' down.
(GROANING)
(GIGGLES) My bad.
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
Haley, the cable.
Bite through it.
Use your dragon teeth.
Dragon up!
Jake, I can't.
Yes, you can. Girls mature
faster than boys, remember?
Haley, now.
You can do it.
-Yeah!
-(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING) Uhh. Jake!
Baby, don't be frontin' ♪
-(GROWLING)
-Jake!
Sorry, Shaniqua,
but I got a little sister to save.
Uhh, ya!
Come on, Haley.
Let's get this under your pillow
before the Tooth Fairy comes, huh?
(CAR DOORS SHUT)
Hurry!
Oh, my goodness.
I'm glad to be home.
Jake, what in the name
of Nicholas Nickleby went on here?
You were supposed
to be in charge of
It was my fault.
Jake told me not to,
um, rip the door off its hinges
or break the ceiling fan,
and, um, spray
the fire extinguishers everywhere,
but I didn't listen to him.
(STAMMERING)
W-uh
Sorry.
-(BOTH GASP)
-Pumpkin, you lost your first tooth.
Camera!
Get the camera!
Here. You should
wake up with a 20 under your pillow
after everything you've been through.
It was worth it to be
rescued by the American Dragon.
Thanks for missing
Shaniqua to save me.
Nah, I'm sure I didn't miss much.
-TRIXIE: Yeah!
-You rock, Shaniqua!
-You rock!
-Shaniqua!
-Pass the sparklin' cider, girl!
-Aw, yeah!