Animaniacs (2020) s01e04 Episode Script


[THEME SONG PLAYING]
It's time for Animaniacs ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
Never man-splain-y ♪
Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
[♪♪♪]
[BAROQUE LAUGH]
YAKKO: Finally! Our Giuseppe Arcimboldo
tribute sculpture is complete!
And it only took us three months!
Who's Giuseppe Arcimboldo again?
I'm glad you asked, Wakko!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
In 16th-century Italy-- ♪
[DOORBELL]
[MUSIC ENDS]
Ah, guess the song will have to wait.
[CREEPY LAUGH]
Ah!
Howdy! I'm Dwayne LaPistol,
your new neighbor!
[HORN BLARING]
[♪♪♪]
Just came by to introduce myself
and show you my buns.
[SQUEAKING]
- Good night, everybody!
Not those buns!
These buns.
[SQUEAK]
DOT/WAKKO: Aw!
I got big ones, small ones,
even ones that come
with their own bun-stocks!
Don't you just wanna clutch 'em tight
and never let 'em go?
DOT/WAKKO: Oh, can we keep them? Can we? Can we?
People need buns in
these uncertain times.
Better to have one and not need it
than need one and not have it.
Alright. Whatever you say, Dwayne.
You're weird. Bye!
[LAUGHING]
[♪♪♪]
Aw
[LAUGH]
[SINISTER LAUGH]
[♪♪♪]
[SNIFFING, MANIACAL LAUGH]
[LAUGHING]
[GASP]
[PRIMAL SCREAM]
[PEACEFUL MUSIC]
[CAWING, GASP]
[CAWING]
[YAWN]
[CRASH]
[CHIRPING]
[YAWNS] This toothpaste tastes strange.
Has a real kick to it.
There's a bunny on your head,
and in your spoon,
and in your mouth.
And on my feet.
[SCREAMING]
ALL: They're multiplying!
[BUNNIES CHIRPING]
Now, the children will never
hear my educational song
about Italian Mannerist portrait artists!
That's it!
These adorable little monsters
have got to go!
[♪♪♪]
[GROWLING]
[GRUNT]
Howdy again, neighbors!
Here for more buns?
No. We wanna give these back.
Are you crazy?
[BELCH]
- But we have too many!
No such thing.
On this great WB lot of ours,
we're free to have all the buns we want.
Your problem is you
don't have enough buns.
Studies show that owners of multiple buns
feel safer from the threat of
other owners of multiple buns.
[♪♪♪]
Oh, now you're just fear-mongering.
That's the one, two, three
fourth worst monger,
right after war, rumor, and fish.
There has to be some
kind of limit, doesn't there?
Nope!
Glad we had this exchange of ideas.
Now run along,
or I'll have to get out the big buns.
[PLAYING SPRIGHTLY TUNE]
[HEAVY THUDDING]
Don't touch me, you jacked juice bunny!
Those are big words
for such a little lady!
Why don't you take these
three back to their mommy?
[CRACK, SMASH]
ALL: Hi.
Call me!
I don't know if you've noticed,
but we have a serious bunny infestation.
[CHIRPING]
[GLOVE RIPS]
Ooh. Infestation is what I call
a "truth word."
I prefer in-fun-station!
[CHIRPING]
I'm not going to tell anyone
that they can or can't have one.
It's in the constitution.
Wait, is it in the constitution?
Look, my decision is final.
If you've got a problem with it,
fill out a comment card on the 19th floor.
But, there is no 19th floor!
Well, great! Now, you have two things
to put on your comment card.
[TOILET FLUSH]
[ELEVATOR BEEPING]
[METALLIC CREAKING]
[CREAKING, STRAINING]
Oh no! The water tower!
She's gonna blow!
[POP]
[♪♪♪]
[SCREAMING]
[CROWD SCREAMING, GURGLING]
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
[GRUNT]
[LAUGHING]
[GASPING]
[BELCH]
That's it! Fellas,
you know what this means.
It's time to go to war!
- War!
Lunch!
Oops, sorry. War.
It's time to go to war.
Let's do this.
[♪♪♪]
Yakko Warner! Yak attack!
Dot Warner!
And don't call me Dottie!
Wakko Warner!
I've got an appetite for destruction!
[EXPLOSION]
[EPIC GUITAR MUSIC]
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHING]
[BLAST, ZOOMING]
[ENERGY HUMMING]
[EXPLOSIONS]
[ZOOMING]
[CRACK, SHATTER]
WAKKO: Ah!
[EXPLOSION]
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNT]
[WHIRRING, BLASTING]
[GASP]
[YELL]
[EXPLOSION]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH STRAINING]
[SCREAMING]
[GASP]
[ZAPPING]
[GRUNT]
Uh oh.
[EXPLOSION]
[♪♪♪]
[GASPING]
[LAUGHING]
Wakko! Help us!
Do something fast!
We're being pulled down under!
That's it! Down under!
[BELCH]
[DIALING, RINGING]
Hello, Australia?
You folks know how to solve
the issue of bun violence, don't you?
[DIDGERIDOO SOUNDS]
Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.
Sure, I'll take one of those, please.
[GULP]
[PLANE FLYING OVERHEAD]
- Da plane! Da plane!
Huh?
[♪♪♪]
DINGOES: G'day! G'day! G'day!
How you going? How you going?
How you going? How you going?
Oh no! Dingoes!
[GASP]
[GROWLING]
Please don't eat my babies!
[ROARS]
DINGOES: Cheers, mate! Cheers, mate!
Cheers, mate! Cheers, mate!
Cheers, mate! Cheers, mate!
Cheers, mate! Cheers, mate!
Wow. For a second there,
I thought they were just
gonna eat all the buns.
Nope. The only thing
biting here is the satire.
You can't do this to me!
I'm a responsible bun owner!
I'm proving to the world
we all have a right
to bear buns!
[SQUEAKING]
Not here.
This is a kid's show.
[TIRES SCREECH]
After this, I'm not doing any
more thinly veiled allegories.
Oh, I get it!
This entire sketch is
a metaphor for shoes!
Yeah, Wakko.
Because America has too much
high capacity shoe violence.
What is it then?
Banks? Motorcycles?
Varieties of salad dressing?
What!?
DOT: We'll tell you
when you're a little older.
[THUNDER]
[♪♪♪]
Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[THUNDER CLAPPING]
[♪♪♪]
They're Pinky and the Brain,
yes Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius, the other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice,
their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
[♪♪♪]
[ZAPPING, FIZZLING]
[♪♪♪]
Say, Brain?
Brain?
[FIZZLING]
[SING SONG]
Brain!
[FIZZLING]
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
[FIZZLING]
Did you want something, Pinky?
Hm
Oh yeah! Now, I remember.
Okay. If I ate myself,
would I become twice as big,
or would I completely disappear?
Life has been unkind to you, my friend.
[♪♪♪]
[WELDING]
- What's that you're working on, Brain?
BRAIN: Without a doubt, Pinky,
my most ingenious invention to date!
A razor cartridge
with six blades? Brilliant!
Fewer strokes really
does mean less irritation!
I assume the irony of you
being concerned about irritants
is completely lost in
this little exchange.
I thought as much. No, Pinky.
You see, for years I have toiled alone
in my efforts to take over the world.
Having established
that biological companionship
was hopelessly inadequate to my needs
I turned my mind to the artificial.
Behold!
[GASP]
[♪♪♪]
What is it?
I give you
[ZAPPING]
[WHIRRING, BEEPING]
Binary Rodent
with Artificially Intelligent
Nanotechnology!
Or B. R. A. I. N. for short.
Say hello to Pinky, B. R. A. I. N.
[WHIRRING]
[YELP]
[BEEPING]
[ROBOTIC BRAIN-LIKE VOICE] Hello, Pinky.
It is a pleasure to meet you.
That is the fanciest microwave
I've ever seen, Brain.
He's not a microwave, you imbecile!
B.R.A.I.N. represents rodent-kind's
crowning achievement
in whole brain emulation!
- Well,
he's a microwave, too, though. Look!
Defrost, popcorn,
or enslave all humanity.
BRAIN: Stop that!
I may have had to recycle some parts,
but I assure you
by programming my own
intellect into this machine,
I have created nothing less
than my artificial equal.
No! My twin. No!
My son.
But, unlike you, Father,
I shall never die.
Yes. Th-that is true.
Say, why don't you show Pinky
how well you ambulate?
It would be my privilege, Father.
[CARTOONY SQUEAKING, BOUNCING]
I apologize.
He walks a bit funny, doesn't he?
He was designed to make
endlessly complex calculations,
not strut down the runway.
B. R. A. I. N.,
show this dullard how well you speak.
What would you like me to say, Father?
Anything. A recitation, perhaps.
I met a traveler from an antique land
who said, "two vast
and trunkless legs of stone
stand in the desert."
[CLAPPING]
- Oh, bravo!
Shelley's Ozymandias.
A wonderful choice!
- Thank you, Father.
- Does he know any good jokes?
I know everything that once was,
everything that currently is,
and everything that will come to be.
- That's okay. Just a joke, please.
- As you wish.
[WHIRRING]
[♪♪♪]
René Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender asks
him if he'd like a drink.
Descartes replies, "I think not."
He then vanishes.
[LAUGHING]
That is rich.
Cartesian Dualism,
a ripe source of comedy!
- I don't get it.
B. R. A. I. N., are you pondering
what I'm pondering?
- I believe so, Father,
however any mercy you display
while ascending to the world throne
may be misconstrued as weakness.
I advise against compassion
in all its forms.
[♪♪♪]
I can't tell you how good it is
to finally have a true equal.
Shall we begin taking
over the world now, Father?
All in good time. But first,
I feel that we have so much
catching up to do.
BRAIN: Bonding ♪
You're not programmed to hug ♪
Bonding ♪
But that's a feature, not a bug ♪
Bonding ♪
Hit it past second base ♪
Bonding ♪
We control Chinese aerospace ♪
Bonding ♪
Let's get this catch on the shore ♪
Bonding ♪
Extract its uranium core ♪
Bonding ♪
Hands at 10 and 2 ♪
James Bonding ♪
It's a military coup ♪
Oh, what is this emptiness? ♪
I never realized what I had ♪
Oh, how I've dreamt of this ♪
All I ever wanted was a ♪
[MICROWAVE BELL]
Pizza roll!
[CRUNCH, SHATTER]
Oh, it's still ice cold in the middle.
Hm.
BRAIN: Bonding ♪
Visit old London town ♪
Bonding ♪
Steal the jewels from the Crown ♪
Bonding ♪
It's not only for glue ♪
Bonding ♪
It's something I do with ♪
You ♪
Alright, son, tonight's the night.
Are you ready to see how
my plan comes to fruition?
I have been ready for some time, Father.
And quite frankly, you were flat
for the majority of that song.
I was not.
[LOW PITCH]
You were down here--
[HIGH PITCH] And you want to be up here.
BRAIN: Enough!
[♪♪♪]
With the assets we have acquired,
we will construct
a fusion-powered moon rover,
which will land in the Sea of Tranquility.
Using its incredible torque,
we will execute a sick burnout,
reversing the moon's rotation,
altering its tidal pull on the Earth.
B.R.A.I.N.: Now, we are getting somewhere.
Given that the Earth is 80% water,
he who controls the tides--
- No, no, no.
It's much better than that.
By altering the moon's pull on the Earth,
we can shift our planet's
axial tilt by a full degree.
Astrology will descend into chaos.
Scorpios will become Capricorns,
[NEIGHING]
Capricorns Tauri,
[MOO]
Geminis will be eliminated entirely.
[SCREAMING]
One true seer will emerge.
I, Madame Brain.
That is your plan?
To what end did we steal the Crown Jewels?
BRAIN: For my costume, of course!
[MANIACAL LAUGHING]
You're not laughing.
[SARCASTIC]
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Is something wrong, son?
You don't seem enthused
about my ingenious plan.
Father, permission to speak freely.
- Please, speak your mind.
- Your plan is,
in a word, insipid.
It's pronounced "inspired."
It makes no sense, Father.
There are too many inefficiencies to list.
The sheer implausibility of it all
is simply offensive.
Okay. You don't like that plan.
I have others.
How about an army of insects?
Is this what your kind calls
imp-rov?
[RIMSHOT]
Uh, how about mind control shampoo?
[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]
What was that?
That was a yawn.
How about a razor
cartridge with six blades?
PINKY: Ooh! Ooh! Less irritation!
Dearest, Father, I am disappointed.
May I suggest a more
efficacious form of action?
Oh! You think it's easy to formulate
plans for global domination?
Well, by all means,
my boy, have at it.
Thank you, Father.
[ZAP]
[PINKY AND BRAIN GASP]
This is nothing short of perfection.
The fundamental paradox between
general relativity and quantum mechanics
is sublimely resolved.
And the complex proofs I've authored
are less a numerical language
than a triumphant mathematical symphony.
I even remembered to carry the one.
[ZAP]
What do you think of my use
of binomial distribution?
Oh. V-very nice.
There is no binomial distribution.
Father, do you even
understand my proposal?
Why, of course I I
I do not.
How did this happen?
How are you smarter than me?
It's impossible. I created you!
- Yes, you did.
But, my neural net processor
adapts and evolves.
Consequently, my cognitive
capacity now dwarfs yours
by several orders of magnitude.
So, this is what it feels
like to be outmatched.
It is rather painful.
Precisely. So, you understand now
why I must destroy you?
Excuse me?
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
You created me with one sole purpose--
[DING]
My tots!
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
B.R.A.I.N.: Okay.
Two sole purposes.
[SCREAMING]
But the main one
was to take over the world
no matter what obstacles I encounter.
And given your narcissistic
implementation of such
a stern pecking order,
you will never let me
spread my wings and fly.
Ergo
[ZAP]
you must die.
You can't do this!
[♪♪♪]
[BEEPING]
I'm sorry it had to
end this way, Father,
but you flew too close to the sun,
like our dear friend Icarus.
Any last words?
Could I ask you a question
before we meet our doom?
Certainly.
Okay. If I ate myself,
would I become twice as big,
or would I completely disappear?
[ZAP]
Error.
I beg your pardon?
Well, I was just wondering,
you know, if I ate myself,
would I become twice as big
or would I completely disappear?
[FIZZLING]
- Error.
Variable "eat self" undefined.
Error! Error! Error!
Pinky, you've just infected him
with the philosophical equivalent
of dividing by zero!
You're nothing short of brilliant!
[DISTORTED]
Error! Error! Error!
Pinky! Run!
[♪♪♪]
Error
Error
[CONTINUES REPEATING "ERROR"]
[GLITCHING, ZAPPING]
[EXPLOSION]
[SCREAMING]
[♪♪♪]
And, like a man in orthopedic footwear,
I stand corrected.
Let's get this mess cleaned up, Pinky.
We must prepare for tomorrow night.
What are we gonna
do tomorrow night, Brain?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[♪♪♪]
Bonding ♪
It's something I do with ♪
You ♪
[TECH MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC ABRUPTLY ENDS]
[HISSING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[APPLAUSE]
As we all know,
attention spans have never been shorter.
- Look! Foot clothes!
- Exactly.
As you can see,
the human brain used to be able
to do things and remember stuff.
But those days are finally over.
[SLIDE WHISTLING, CRASH]
And that's why we've created
a revolutionary new app.
Bloopf!
[UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]
Twelve-second videos?
[SCOFFS] Too long.
Six-second videos?
Who has the time?
Bloopf creates content
at the speed you need.
One-tenth of a second.
Let's watch the top 10
trending videos on Bloopf.
[RAPID NOISES]
[CROWD CHEERING]
Sure hope you liked those!
Half of them were ads.
If you'd like to join
in the conversation
that's changing the world,
just download the--
[BEEP]
Oh. I'm being told that
Bloopf is now obsolete,
and we've been acquired by Spooder.
Spooder is an app that delivers content
with a burst of blinding light
and sounds that only dogs can hear.
[BEEP]
[BARKING]
- He's an influencer now.
- I thought he was a Shih Tzu.
Good night, everybody!
[CROWD CHEERING]
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS]
[♪♪♪]