Anna and Katy (2013) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
1 'Das Michael is recorded in front of live studio audience.
' Hey, babes! Oh, hey, mate.
Hi.
Nice spangle shirt, mate.
Blessen mit my eyes, the spangle shirt.
Come on, egg off.
OK, OK, put down your hen! Sorry, tits.
Don't be mean to the spangle shirt, bitte.
I look shit house.
Ooh, nice spangle shirt, mate! Fucking hell! Hello, Casper, how's you, mate? I like boys.
Hoo-hah! Zo, coffee, bitch? Ja, make mine large, bitte.
Eine large one for the spangle shirt man, coming up! I hate the spangle shirt! Chuck in ze recycling bin, then.
Would egg, could egg, but can't.
Es un present von Alice.
Mwah-mwah! Oh, Michael and Alice are fisting in tree! Ich thinking it have dumpen Alison.
Real have? For ship? Ja, tell Alice the relationship kaputt.
Mich dumpen.
Ja, nice balls! But du can't dumpen.
What mean? Du have no back bone, Michael.
Du ist ein octopus! Willen zu helpen haus, please? Course we'll helpen, we're the frienden! At Ignition Carwash Solutions, it's crunch time.
Project manager Bex is worried about the company's turnover and sets up a sales review.
Christopher, how are the projected sales figures, please? Well we've washed one car in the last two months.
Yeah, and I'd like it on record that I clinched that wash, and it was my car.
We - and by "we", I mean us - are not washing enough cars.
And where the hell is Paul? Right, I'm going to Paul, where the hell are you, please? We're in the middle of a sales crisis here, Paul.
Zoochoo.
com.
What? I've used my business edge to secure us the domain name for zoochoo.
com, London's first and only zoo on a train.
Paul, how the hell is that going to help us wash more cars? Cars schmarz! I'm giving you solutions, and you're sending them back to me dressed up as problems! Right, we need to face facts here, guys.
The Ignition brand is dirt.
Customers - and by "customers", I mean customers - aren't responding to the Ignition brand.
We need a rebrand.
What about Yes, Carwash? Because "yes" is positive.
It says, "Yes, I am a professional outfit.
" But it could also mean, "Yes, you killed my son.
" Oh, God, right, yeah.
And I think that is a toxic brand message.
What about we rebrand Ignition to Aced Carwash? We need a company name that is now and that is current.
Current Now Carwash.
I love it, but at the same time, I hate it.
Aced Carwash gives us the edge in the phone book.
It begins with a A and so it's got the edge on all the other competition, alphabetically speaking.
What about Wan-Shung Haow, because it would propel us into the Asian market? Aced Carwash Two.
Right, I think we're going to need some coffee, guys - this could be an all-nighter.
Oh, hello, pretty, pretty, pretty girl.
What's your name? It's Phoebe.
Phoebe, beautiful name.
Phoebe.
"Dear" Line? Phoebe.
Phoebe.
"Many" Oh, line? Thanks.
"Thanks.
"Much love" Line? Bridget.
"Bridget!" There you go, Philip.
Line? Next.
Next! "To Michael.
" It's to me.
I grew up watching your films, because Mother was constantly drunk, and that classic line from Loose Luggage has stayed with me.
Yes, one of my favourites, when Pearl turns to Dr Barnsfield and said, "It's not the train that's the issue, sir, "it's the cows on the" Oh, line? Line.
Line? Line? It was cows on the line.
Line? Line? Line? Next.
Next! My mother used to sing me the Tra La La song every night.
From Lend Ma A Sixpence? And we laugh when we sing to the sound of the tra la, la, la Tra, la, la Oh, line? La.
La.
Line? La.
Line? La.
Line? La.
And the drums they replied With a bang, bang Bang a-bang, bang Bang-a bang, bang They go Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang Welcome back to the world's most annoying numbers where we count down the world's most annoying numbers.
In at number 29, it's number 3.
I used to like the number 3, but then I didn't, but then I did again.
OK, well, I wouldn't want to snuggle up to a number 4, because it's just too spiky, but, you know, I love a number 3, cos it looks like a bum.
In at number 28, it's our old friend, number 70.
Many of the problems we have with 70 stem from childhood.
Are we allowed to eat 70 biscuits? No.
Are we allowed to have 70 people at our birthday party? No.
It's understandable, then, that many people feel anger towards it.
When I think of 70, I think of, like, an old person, and old people really depress me, well, cos they look different from me.
Oh, 70.
I hate 70, cos it's not quite 69, and I'm very cheeky like that.
Join us after the break, when we'll be finding out what really gets on our celebrities' nerves about the number 11.
Right, what's up with number 11 anyway? It's so annoying.
It's like they've just got no right.
Well, it's just copying what a 1's doing.
It's like two 1s together.
Oui, jolie biscuit.
Jolie biscuit.
Oui, jolie biscuit.
Shitty biscuit.
Oui, shitty biscuit.
Raymond Blanc! Ah! Report! Shitty.
Jolie.
Jolie.
Jolie.
Jolie.
Shitty.
Shitty.
Jolie.
Shitty.
Bravo! Continue! Jolie biscuit.
Oui, jolie biscuit.
One room, three contestants - only one can walk through The Door.
And let's find out who could be walking through The Door today.
How are you doing, Computer? Well, it'll take a lot to 'Fine, thank you, Eamonn.
And how are you?' Well, as I was saying, it'll take a lot to top yesterday's show.
Who are today's contestants? 'Eamonn, the contestants are' Claire Norner, finger nurse, from Ruislip.
Neneh Cherry, IT worker, from Swansea.
Michael Nicholson, drink-driver, from Britain.
Well, lovely to meet you.
Claire, it says here that you have a rather wonderful ambition.
That's right, presenter.
I would absolutely love to see the Moscow State Circus on the internet.
Terrific.
Neneh Cherry, you obviously share your name with somebody quite famous.
Do I? Neneh Cherry.
Singer? Oh, my God! I love her.
I never noticed.
I love her.
OK, Michael, how does it feel to be this close to The Door? Let's face it, we're playing with fire here.
Neneh, apparently you've got a crazy story to tell us.
Well, I'm a typical Swansea girl, I love my heels 'Round One.
' Now, as you all know, at this stage of the process, one of you has to leave us.
Let's now see whose key turns three into two and not three.
And it's an all-green round.
Congratulations, guys! You're all through to the next round! Lovely stuff.
Well, let's go through that door to the commercial break and we'll see you again, right after this.
Don't go away.
Welcome back to The Door.
Which of our three contestants may get their foot in that door? In this next round, our contestants nominate the person they think most deserves to go through the door.
'Contestants, when I say your name, 'nominate who you want to go through the door.
- 'Neneh?' - Neneh.
- 'Claire?' - Claire.
- 'Michael?' - Michael Nicholson.
- 'Lock down!' - Lock down.
That is the 14th one of those we have had in a row, which possibly indicates a programme format problem, it has to be said.
Computer, please initiate random selector.
'Please welcome your host, Eamonn Holmes.
' Please initiate random selector.
'Eamonn Holmes.
' Please initiate 'Initiating random selector.
' 'Claire.
' Yes! Commiserations, but don't forget, when one door closes, another one opens.
Claire, well done.
It's time now for you to walk through The Door.
You'll be fine.
Good.
You can do it.
Good luck, Claire.
And for those of you watching at home thinking, "I could do that," remember, it's a lot harder here in studio.
Can we help you? We're over here.
I'm just looking, thank you.
Are you looking there? Or here? Let me take you over there.
I'm already here.
And I'm in here now.
Now I'm over here.
I'm here, too.
Watch me run into this.
I'm balancing, here.
I'm in this now.
I'm being under this.
I'm over here.
Now I've gone.
I've still gone.
I'm back.
Hey, I'm in here now.
Can you see me through this sponge? So will you be purchasing anything today? Um No.
Right, we're over here.
Time-waster.
It's quite hard to explain if you've never seen it, but when you meet her, you have to, like, bow your head so she can check for nits.
She's got four kids, but her main little one is her son.
Because he had to, cos the son had two sons.
And then one of those two sons had a wedding, got him a wife.
And, um the wife had a sister.
The sister had a mum.
And then oh, it's very hard to explain if you've never seen it.
But she has her own song that they sing at the football, like Frank Skinner and David Baddiel.
And then when the telly goes bad, Brian May goes on her roof and fixes the aerial.
And it's quite nice.
They use And she's got two birthdays.
One for each leg.
She lives in a castle in London, but not the one with the elephant.
We met her once, but it was in like a museum, but it was very expensive.
And she didn't move, and her face looked like it was made out of the stuff what comes out of birds' bums.
You can get hold of the email, and that's the problem Hello, sir.
Got time to be a hero today? I'm sorry, no, I don't have.
Hey, shake my hand, sir, yeah? How about a hug? Yeah, OK, don't worry.
Hello, gorgeous.
Like your coat.
Is it from Top Man? Er sorry.
Hey, dude Stop.
In the name of love Before you break my heart Hey, no problem, have a great day.
Cool stuff.
You just want a couple of minutes with the nice man to talk about old people too? Oh, God! Help! Help me! Can I talk to you about old people? I forgive you.
Just two minutes of your time, sir.
Yeah, just give me it.
Just Pen! Pen! Have any of you guys got a pen? Cos we've not Do you want to just wait there, and we'll just go and buy a pen? What am I doing? Two minutes.
Two minutes of your time.
'Das Michael is recorded in front of live studio audience.
' Design was taken, Michael.
What balls.
Michael, mate, it's easy-peeze.
Helpen dumpen, it's easy as plaster.
Oh, crikey, it's her, she's coming.
Oh! Alison, mate, a hot day, lemonade? Michael, mate, meine natural spangle shirt, super-cat! Oh, frigging hell! Ooh! Wass ist emergency? Er well Come, house, dumpen already.
Ja, it's tricky troubles.
Alison OK, mate.
Was goes? Nein, Alison.
Meine necker fuck it.
You wanted to talken? Ja.
Me been thinking.
You and me, we are Moving house togets? Du serious?! Nicht Beadle joken? Um God's sake, Michael, mate.
Oh, Michael is coward.
Wanna dumpen you, but he's nicht balls.
It's true, Michael? Ja, it's true.
Nicht Beadle joken.
Du misery piece? Ein bit! But du should not lying.
Aah! Shut fuck, every boys.
Telephone for ein Alison.
Ich am Alison.
Oh! "Ooh, we should move in house togets.
" Pathetics, mate! I panicken.
Sorry an uncool cucumber boat.
Newsen, guys.
That's for the lottery company - ich vinnen de jackpot! You vinnen the jackpot? Two million house? Nein, ich ein billion house! Oh, see you around, Michael.
Nice meeten.
If you hadn't made me dumpen on million house?! At least du still haben the spangle shirt.
Oh! Fucking hell! Been gooden friends.
We all good friends.
Go, mates! I fuck men.
Excuse me, is this the way to Tallon Bay? Enjoy your holiday, you old ballsack.
Hello! And welcome once again to Congratulation! Hello there.
Now, are you feeling a bit under the weather? Maybe your tummy all ticky or your eyes a bit sticky.
Well, we might just have the thing, because it's time for our Congratulation medical special.
That's right.
And we're joined now by our very own special medical man, or doctor, as he likes to call himself, who's going to answer all your questions medical, so please welcome Dr Emaneul Gaye.
Is there a doctor in the house? Yes.
I am a doctor.
Just my little, er joke.
Well, they say laughter is the best medicine.
But research is still being done.
So let's kick off with our first text today.
Now, Julia writes in to say, "Every time I jump rope, urine comes out.
"What can the doctor suggest?" Well, hello to you, Julia.
We'd say that this is a very common condition, and it's all to do with the strength of the vaginal muscles.
Wash your mouth out! What you saying that for? Should be ashamed.
Forgive me.
We really don't want any smutty text, please, so I think we'll just we'll move on now.
But, um commiseration on not being tight enough down there and congratulation anyway.
And next up, we have a message here from Cynthia, and she says, "Hello, girls, I'm a great fan of the show, by the way.
" She also say, "I'm a stay-at-home mum in my 40s "and I have a terrible anxiety about spontaneous combustion.
"I haven't had a cigar in two years.
"Can you please put me at ease, doctor?" Ha ha! It's not going to happen.
Well, strong words there, Cynthia, and congratulation on laying off them cigars.
Fat Pam 97 on Twitter says, "Please can you help me? Every time I bend down, my hip pops out.
Any advice?" Well, don't bend down then, woman! And maybe think about tackling the real problem there - your obesity.
And congratulation anyway.
Well, thank you, doctor, and thank you to all our lovely sickly viewers, I hope you're all still with us.
So, couple of quick ones now.
Congratulations to Madge Wentover for softening her stool with prunes.
Congratulations to Jackie Beale for freezing up a verruca in her own home.
Ouch! But the biggest congratulation today goes to Carmen Jean Ashton for growing her own penicillin in her armpit.
So, the biggest congratulations to Carmen Jean Ashton for growing her own penicillin in her own armpits!
' Hey, babes! Oh, hey, mate.
Hi.
Nice spangle shirt, mate.
Blessen mit my eyes, the spangle shirt.
Come on, egg off.
OK, OK, put down your hen! Sorry, tits.
Don't be mean to the spangle shirt, bitte.
I look shit house.
Ooh, nice spangle shirt, mate! Fucking hell! Hello, Casper, how's you, mate? I like boys.
Hoo-hah! Zo, coffee, bitch? Ja, make mine large, bitte.
Eine large one for the spangle shirt man, coming up! I hate the spangle shirt! Chuck in ze recycling bin, then.
Would egg, could egg, but can't.
Es un present von Alice.
Mwah-mwah! Oh, Michael and Alice are fisting in tree! Ich thinking it have dumpen Alison.
Real have? For ship? Ja, tell Alice the relationship kaputt.
Mich dumpen.
Ja, nice balls! But du can't dumpen.
What mean? Du have no back bone, Michael.
Du ist ein octopus! Willen zu helpen haus, please? Course we'll helpen, we're the frienden! At Ignition Carwash Solutions, it's crunch time.
Project manager Bex is worried about the company's turnover and sets up a sales review.
Christopher, how are the projected sales figures, please? Well we've washed one car in the last two months.
Yeah, and I'd like it on record that I clinched that wash, and it was my car.
We - and by "we", I mean us - are not washing enough cars.
And where the hell is Paul? Right, I'm going to Paul, where the hell are you, please? We're in the middle of a sales crisis here, Paul.
Zoochoo.
com.
What? I've used my business edge to secure us the domain name for zoochoo.
com, London's first and only zoo on a train.
Paul, how the hell is that going to help us wash more cars? Cars schmarz! I'm giving you solutions, and you're sending them back to me dressed up as problems! Right, we need to face facts here, guys.
The Ignition brand is dirt.
Customers - and by "customers", I mean customers - aren't responding to the Ignition brand.
We need a rebrand.
What about Yes, Carwash? Because "yes" is positive.
It says, "Yes, I am a professional outfit.
" But it could also mean, "Yes, you killed my son.
" Oh, God, right, yeah.
And I think that is a toxic brand message.
What about we rebrand Ignition to Aced Carwash? We need a company name that is now and that is current.
Current Now Carwash.
I love it, but at the same time, I hate it.
Aced Carwash gives us the edge in the phone book.
It begins with a A and so it's got the edge on all the other competition, alphabetically speaking.
What about Wan-Shung Haow, because it would propel us into the Asian market? Aced Carwash Two.
Right, I think we're going to need some coffee, guys - this could be an all-nighter.
Oh, hello, pretty, pretty, pretty girl.
What's your name? It's Phoebe.
Phoebe, beautiful name.
Phoebe.
"Dear" Line? Phoebe.
Phoebe.
"Many" Oh, line? Thanks.
"Thanks.
"Much love" Line? Bridget.
"Bridget!" There you go, Philip.
Line? Next.
Next! "To Michael.
" It's to me.
I grew up watching your films, because Mother was constantly drunk, and that classic line from Loose Luggage has stayed with me.
Yes, one of my favourites, when Pearl turns to Dr Barnsfield and said, "It's not the train that's the issue, sir, "it's the cows on the" Oh, line? Line.
Line? Line? It was cows on the line.
Line? Line? Line? Next.
Next! My mother used to sing me the Tra La La song every night.
From Lend Ma A Sixpence? And we laugh when we sing to the sound of the tra la, la, la Tra, la, la Oh, line? La.
La.
Line? La.
Line? La.
Line? La.
And the drums they replied With a bang, bang Bang a-bang, bang Bang-a bang, bang They go Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang.
Bang.
Line? Bang Welcome back to the world's most annoying numbers where we count down the world's most annoying numbers.
In at number 29, it's number 3.
I used to like the number 3, but then I didn't, but then I did again.
OK, well, I wouldn't want to snuggle up to a number 4, because it's just too spiky, but, you know, I love a number 3, cos it looks like a bum.
In at number 28, it's our old friend, number 70.
Many of the problems we have with 70 stem from childhood.
Are we allowed to eat 70 biscuits? No.
Are we allowed to have 70 people at our birthday party? No.
It's understandable, then, that many people feel anger towards it.
When I think of 70, I think of, like, an old person, and old people really depress me, well, cos they look different from me.
Oh, 70.
I hate 70, cos it's not quite 69, and I'm very cheeky like that.
Join us after the break, when we'll be finding out what really gets on our celebrities' nerves about the number 11.
Right, what's up with number 11 anyway? It's so annoying.
It's like they've just got no right.
Well, it's just copying what a 1's doing.
It's like two 1s together.
Oui, jolie biscuit.
Jolie biscuit.
Oui, jolie biscuit.
Shitty biscuit.
Oui, shitty biscuit.
Raymond Blanc! Ah! Report! Shitty.
Jolie.
Jolie.
Jolie.
Jolie.
Shitty.
Shitty.
Jolie.
Shitty.
Bravo! Continue! Jolie biscuit.
Oui, jolie biscuit.
One room, three contestants - only one can walk through The Door.
And let's find out who could be walking through The Door today.
How are you doing, Computer? Well, it'll take a lot to 'Fine, thank you, Eamonn.
And how are you?' Well, as I was saying, it'll take a lot to top yesterday's show.
Who are today's contestants? 'Eamonn, the contestants are' Claire Norner, finger nurse, from Ruislip.
Neneh Cherry, IT worker, from Swansea.
Michael Nicholson, drink-driver, from Britain.
Well, lovely to meet you.
Claire, it says here that you have a rather wonderful ambition.
That's right, presenter.
I would absolutely love to see the Moscow State Circus on the internet.
Terrific.
Neneh Cherry, you obviously share your name with somebody quite famous.
Do I? Neneh Cherry.
Singer? Oh, my God! I love her.
I never noticed.
I love her.
OK, Michael, how does it feel to be this close to The Door? Let's face it, we're playing with fire here.
Neneh, apparently you've got a crazy story to tell us.
Well, I'm a typical Swansea girl, I love my heels 'Round One.
' Now, as you all know, at this stage of the process, one of you has to leave us.
Let's now see whose key turns three into two and not three.
And it's an all-green round.
Congratulations, guys! You're all through to the next round! Lovely stuff.
Well, let's go through that door to the commercial break and we'll see you again, right after this.
Don't go away.
Welcome back to The Door.
Which of our three contestants may get their foot in that door? In this next round, our contestants nominate the person they think most deserves to go through the door.
'Contestants, when I say your name, 'nominate who you want to go through the door.
- 'Neneh?' - Neneh.
- 'Claire?' - Claire.
- 'Michael?' - Michael Nicholson.
- 'Lock down!' - Lock down.
That is the 14th one of those we have had in a row, which possibly indicates a programme format problem, it has to be said.
Computer, please initiate random selector.
'Please welcome your host, Eamonn Holmes.
' Please initiate random selector.
'Eamonn Holmes.
' Please initiate 'Initiating random selector.
' 'Claire.
' Yes! Commiserations, but don't forget, when one door closes, another one opens.
Claire, well done.
It's time now for you to walk through The Door.
You'll be fine.
Good.
You can do it.
Good luck, Claire.
And for those of you watching at home thinking, "I could do that," remember, it's a lot harder here in studio.
Can we help you? We're over here.
I'm just looking, thank you.
Are you looking there? Or here? Let me take you over there.
I'm already here.
And I'm in here now.
Now I'm over here.
I'm here, too.
Watch me run into this.
I'm balancing, here.
I'm in this now.
I'm being under this.
I'm over here.
Now I've gone.
I've still gone.
I'm back.
Hey, I'm in here now.
Can you see me through this sponge? So will you be purchasing anything today? Um No.
Right, we're over here.
Time-waster.
It's quite hard to explain if you've never seen it, but when you meet her, you have to, like, bow your head so she can check for nits.
She's got four kids, but her main little one is her son.
Because he had to, cos the son had two sons.
And then one of those two sons had a wedding, got him a wife.
And, um the wife had a sister.
The sister had a mum.
And then oh, it's very hard to explain if you've never seen it.
But she has her own song that they sing at the football, like Frank Skinner and David Baddiel.
And then when the telly goes bad, Brian May goes on her roof and fixes the aerial.
And it's quite nice.
They use And she's got two birthdays.
One for each leg.
She lives in a castle in London, but not the one with the elephant.
We met her once, but it was in like a museum, but it was very expensive.
And she didn't move, and her face looked like it was made out of the stuff what comes out of birds' bums.
You can get hold of the email, and that's the problem Hello, sir.
Got time to be a hero today? I'm sorry, no, I don't have.
Hey, shake my hand, sir, yeah? How about a hug? Yeah, OK, don't worry.
Hello, gorgeous.
Like your coat.
Is it from Top Man? Er sorry.
Hey, dude Stop.
In the name of love Before you break my heart Hey, no problem, have a great day.
Cool stuff.
You just want a couple of minutes with the nice man to talk about old people too? Oh, God! Help! Help me! Can I talk to you about old people? I forgive you.
Just two minutes of your time, sir.
Yeah, just give me it.
Just Pen! Pen! Have any of you guys got a pen? Cos we've not Do you want to just wait there, and we'll just go and buy a pen? What am I doing? Two minutes.
Two minutes of your time.
'Das Michael is recorded in front of live studio audience.
' Design was taken, Michael.
What balls.
Michael, mate, it's easy-peeze.
Helpen dumpen, it's easy as plaster.
Oh, crikey, it's her, she's coming.
Oh! Alison, mate, a hot day, lemonade? Michael, mate, meine natural spangle shirt, super-cat! Oh, frigging hell! Ooh! Wass ist emergency? Er well Come, house, dumpen already.
Ja, it's tricky troubles.
Alison OK, mate.
Was goes? Nein, Alison.
Meine necker fuck it.
You wanted to talken? Ja.
Me been thinking.
You and me, we are Moving house togets? Du serious?! Nicht Beadle joken? Um God's sake, Michael, mate.
Oh, Michael is coward.
Wanna dumpen you, but he's nicht balls.
It's true, Michael? Ja, it's true.
Nicht Beadle joken.
Du misery piece? Ein bit! But du should not lying.
Aah! Shut fuck, every boys.
Telephone for ein Alison.
Ich am Alison.
Oh! "Ooh, we should move in house togets.
" Pathetics, mate! I panicken.
Sorry an uncool cucumber boat.
Newsen, guys.
That's for the lottery company - ich vinnen de jackpot! You vinnen the jackpot? Two million house? Nein, ich ein billion house! Oh, see you around, Michael.
Nice meeten.
If you hadn't made me dumpen on million house?! At least du still haben the spangle shirt.
Oh! Fucking hell! Been gooden friends.
We all good friends.
Go, mates! I fuck men.
Excuse me, is this the way to Tallon Bay? Enjoy your holiday, you old ballsack.
Hello! And welcome once again to Congratulation! Hello there.
Now, are you feeling a bit under the weather? Maybe your tummy all ticky or your eyes a bit sticky.
Well, we might just have the thing, because it's time for our Congratulation medical special.
That's right.
And we're joined now by our very own special medical man, or doctor, as he likes to call himself, who's going to answer all your questions medical, so please welcome Dr Emaneul Gaye.
Is there a doctor in the house? Yes.
I am a doctor.
Just my little, er joke.
Well, they say laughter is the best medicine.
But research is still being done.
So let's kick off with our first text today.
Now, Julia writes in to say, "Every time I jump rope, urine comes out.
"What can the doctor suggest?" Well, hello to you, Julia.
We'd say that this is a very common condition, and it's all to do with the strength of the vaginal muscles.
Wash your mouth out! What you saying that for? Should be ashamed.
Forgive me.
We really don't want any smutty text, please, so I think we'll just we'll move on now.
But, um commiseration on not being tight enough down there and congratulation anyway.
And next up, we have a message here from Cynthia, and she says, "Hello, girls, I'm a great fan of the show, by the way.
" She also say, "I'm a stay-at-home mum in my 40s "and I have a terrible anxiety about spontaneous combustion.
"I haven't had a cigar in two years.
"Can you please put me at ease, doctor?" Ha ha! It's not going to happen.
Well, strong words there, Cynthia, and congratulation on laying off them cigars.
Fat Pam 97 on Twitter says, "Please can you help me? Every time I bend down, my hip pops out.
Any advice?" Well, don't bend down then, woman! And maybe think about tackling the real problem there - your obesity.
And congratulation anyway.
Well, thank you, doctor, and thank you to all our lovely sickly viewers, I hope you're all still with us.
So, couple of quick ones now.
Congratulations to Madge Wentover for softening her stool with prunes.
Congratulations to Jackie Beale for freezing up a verruca in her own home.
Ouch! But the biggest congratulation today goes to Carmen Jean Ashton for growing her own penicillin in her armpit.
So, the biggest congratulations to Carmen Jean Ashton for growing her own penicillin in her own armpits!