Apollo Gauntlet (2017) s01e04 Episode Script
Dinner Party
1 Okay, Sammy, let's try this again.
Aaaah.
Uh, uh Eeuh, uh, uh Ash aah asshole.
[Laughs.]
- [Laughter.]
Oh, this is very productive.
- Monty, you know as well as I do that kids say the darndest things.
It's been scientifically proven.
- Are you Apollo Gauntlet? - Yeah? [Music.]
I have a message from the Bellenus family [Hit, thud.]
Whoa, man! Ever heard the term "don't punch the messenger"? Come on, I've seen, like, a million mob movies dude comes up to you, says, "I got a message from Mr.
Moretti.
" Boom! Shoots ya in the face.
I know it's either that or, "Mr.
Moretti says hello!" Boom! Shoots you in the face.
"Mr.
Gauntlet you are formally invited to attend the annual Dinner of Diplomats at Castle Bellenus.
" [Laughter.]
Ooh-hoo-hoo! Oh, and there's a private letter - from Daphne in here as well! - Give me that! Apollo, I've heard rumors that one of the attending diplomats may be planning to assassinate the King.
I'd feel much safer if you were there.
Yours, Daphne.
P.
S.
, be inconspicuous! All right, well, I got a mission now, so catch you dudes later.
Bye! Aw, what about us, matey? I could get a guard uniform and go in undercover! I could be your plus one.
Uh, you know, that might not be And I can be your eyes on the inside! And Puff Puff can be your - Eww.
- All right, all right! You guys can be involved in the mission, but, uh just keep in mind the key word is "subtlety.
" [Music.]
Heeeeeeey guyyyyyyys.
[Title music.]
Here comes Apollo Gauntlet 1x04 - "Dinner Party" Yeah, I'm here, uh, for the diplomatical event-ening that's happening here tonight? Oh, Christ, I think I stepped in troll shit.
And this and this is, uh, my First Lady.
[Whispering.]
L-Let's hope she's not my last.
[Laughs.]
Okay, thank you, sir.
Just make sure your carriage is parked in the designated are [Gasping.]
What are you doing? We were in.
[Choking.]
I need to borrow his guard outfit.
Just cutting off the oxygen to his brain for a bit.
Oh, okay.
Well, we know that that's never had an adverse effect on anyone.
- [Feedback.]
Monty: Can you guys hear me? - Ohh! We're still setting up the recon vehicle.
Just wanted to make sure we'd be able to communicate - once you're inside the castle.
Over.
- Okay, uh cool.
Thanks, Monty.
I have to go now.
I'm currently watching Superknife murder someone.
And down like a newborn.
If he's dead, I will testify against you at the trial.
[Crowd murmuring.]
[Music.]
[Dishes, silverware clinking.]
- Miss? Wine? - You bet I do! Fill 'er up! Madam, this bottle of wine is over 500 years old.
Mm.
[Gulps.]
Tastes okay to me.
- Ugh - Hey, we're here to stop an assassination, not guzzle expensive booze! What are you so pent up about?! [Trumpet plays off-key.]
And now I present the much venerated hosts of the party King and Queen Bellenus, accompanied by Prince Orenthal and his lovely betrothed, Daphne! I just don't want you to embarrass me.
I'm well aware of your fixation with Daphne! But guess what you're just a bumpkin like me and these blue-bloods will smell it by a country mile.
Well, thanks for the "Hannibal lecture" about what a hayseed I am.
But I happen to think that Daphne is quite fond of me.
- Oh, hi! - In your dreams, Podunk.
[Chomps.]
Look at that.
The Queen of Freedonia? That dress is scandalous, I tell you.
Flaunting her l-luscious youthful figure.
It's a disgrace.
[Barks, growls.]
That's just on the screen, dummy.
You talk a big game, but you wouldn't even know what to do if you got your paws on that.
[Whines.]
So, uh, what nation are you representing, exactly? - I'm Queen of Freedonia.
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh, puppy! [Barking.]
Ooh! [Barking.]
[Snaps fingers.]
What exactly is it that you do in this kingdom, Mr.
Gauntlet? Me? Well, no offense to your police force, but I feel there's room for, uh, you know, o-o-outside h-heroic parties to keep an eye on on the crimes? I hate to disagree, but I do believe we have our borders covered, on all fronts.
So, you seem to be going over pretty well.
Yeah, funny.
Hilarious.
No, no, I no, I really think, uh, you know, - the king seemed impressed, uh, by your, uh, - Shut shut up.
- [Chuckling.]
your story that you just told.
- Shut up.
- Will you shut the [bleep.]
up, please? - [Slurring.]
Okay, I'm goin' in.
In where? The bag? You can barely walk.
Shh, hey, shh, shut up.
[Whispering loudly.]
Listen it's all an act.
If I come across as extremely intoxicated, nobody will suspect I'm actually casing the joint for suspicious activity.
[Groans.]
Urgh, there she goes.
- Ow! - Hey! Yeah, this is great.
This is great.
Hey, Superknife! Wazzup, dude? - Hey.
- Hmm? - Are you new here? - No, I'm often here.
All the time, in fact.
Yeah, guarding things and making sure things - are properly guarded.
- You have a spare moment? [Sultry.]
I have a lock I can't open.
- And where's it located, miss? - I'll show you once we get there.
You can probably handle it.
If he leaves with her, this is an act of gross, gross misconduct.
[Chuckling.]
Okay where's this lock? And there it is! At 19:00 hours, Superknife abandoned his post due to suspicious innuendo.
[Folk music plays.]
[Whispers.]
Apollo, come with me.
Oh, yeah! This is great.
So, have you noticed any unusual activity? No? Come on, do you do you really think - there's an assassination plot? - What are you implying? Oh, I dunno, uh, it did occur to me that this might all just be a ploy - so that you could see me again.
- [Chuckling.]
Oh, okay.
So, I purposefully invented a scenario of political intrigue to attract you here, but, in actuality, my true intent was to "see you again"? Well, O-Occam's Razor dictates that, uh yeah? Maybe you're not the hero I thought you were.
Then if I am not, uh, perhaps we have reached an impasse on this eve, milady, and I bid you adieu.
Ow! [All gasp.]
Oh, no! It's gonna go, it's gonna go! Oh, no, oh, no, it's going.
Oh, no, it's gonna go.
Whew! That was a close one.
[Thud.]
[All gasp.]
It was going to melt anyway, so [Grunts.]
Ow! Urgh! Ow! Ohh, whoa.
What's this? An invisibility cloak? Now let's see what's going on in the kitchen.
[Twinkle!.]
Urgh! Ow! [Grumbles.]
Ohh.
Hello, sweeties.
[Chuckles, munching.]
Death to the ruling class, my brothers and sisters.
- And in mere moments - Huh? you will deliver it to them on a silver platter.
[Laughs.]
All: Yup-yah! [Clatter.]
[Chomps.]
Apollo! Emergency! [Feedback.]
[Grunts.]
Okay, we're in a pickle now.
I've lost communication with Apollo, so one of you needs to tell him the cake is poisoned! Pronto, people! [Gasps.]
Hey, come back here! Rubis: Ow, urgh, ow, oh! Ahh! [Rubis panting.]
- [Slurring.]
The cake is poisoned.
- The lake is f-frozen? - The cake is poisoned! - The steak is overdone? - The cake is poisoned! - The drapes are chosen.
[Yelling.]
Aw, crikey, the cake is poisoned! Huh?! [All gasp.]
It's time to clear the table! [All gasp.]
And this one, too! [All gasp.]
Now the question is who poisoned the cake? [Approaching footsteps.]
This is not a cake-off, this is not a bake-off no, this is a full-on brawl! The secret ingredient tonight is violence.
Ooh, right in the entrees! [Groans.]
[All gasp.]
[Applause.]
Oh, shut up, I don't need your applause, you boring, inbred elitists.
[Music.]
You sicken me.
But you know what? Even with this experience today, I will continue my efforts to protect you.
Why? Because I'm stupid like that.
Because I am attempting in my own small way [Snoring.]
to maintain sanity amidst all this madness.
Thanks, Apollo.
[Gasps.]
Guards, eject him! [Record scratch.]
[As Daniel Plainview.]
I am the Third Revelation! [Music.]
Congratulations, everyone.
- Mission accomplished.
- Ah, the best part, I say, is we're really making headway as a team.
Yes! And it can feel like a Boys' Club with you guys at times, but you finally let me pull my weight on this one.
[Barks.]
Yeah, yeah, yes, it was amazing.
Not since Seal Team Six has an operation been pulled off so smoothly.
I got to say it I'm proud of you, Apollo.
Yeah? Takes a lot of balls to wear that outfit in public.
[Laughter.]
And with no apparent hint of embarrassment.
Yeah, it's pretty lame, bro.
That's it.
I'm taking your allowance away.
[Boing!.]
Aaaah.
Uh, uh Eeuh, uh, uh Ash aah asshole.
[Laughs.]
- [Laughter.]
Oh, this is very productive.
- Monty, you know as well as I do that kids say the darndest things.
It's been scientifically proven.
- Are you Apollo Gauntlet? - Yeah? [Music.]
I have a message from the Bellenus family [Hit, thud.]
Whoa, man! Ever heard the term "don't punch the messenger"? Come on, I've seen, like, a million mob movies dude comes up to you, says, "I got a message from Mr.
Moretti.
" Boom! Shoots ya in the face.
I know it's either that or, "Mr.
Moretti says hello!" Boom! Shoots you in the face.
"Mr.
Gauntlet you are formally invited to attend the annual Dinner of Diplomats at Castle Bellenus.
" [Laughter.]
Ooh-hoo-hoo! Oh, and there's a private letter - from Daphne in here as well! - Give me that! Apollo, I've heard rumors that one of the attending diplomats may be planning to assassinate the King.
I'd feel much safer if you were there.
Yours, Daphne.
P.
S.
, be inconspicuous! All right, well, I got a mission now, so catch you dudes later.
Bye! Aw, what about us, matey? I could get a guard uniform and go in undercover! I could be your plus one.
Uh, you know, that might not be And I can be your eyes on the inside! And Puff Puff can be your - Eww.
- All right, all right! You guys can be involved in the mission, but, uh just keep in mind the key word is "subtlety.
" [Music.]
Heeeeeeey guyyyyyyys.
[Title music.]
Here comes Apollo Gauntlet 1x04 - "Dinner Party" Yeah, I'm here, uh, for the diplomatical event-ening that's happening here tonight? Oh, Christ, I think I stepped in troll shit.
And this and this is, uh, my First Lady.
[Whispering.]
L-Let's hope she's not my last.
[Laughs.]
Okay, thank you, sir.
Just make sure your carriage is parked in the designated are [Gasping.]
What are you doing? We were in.
[Choking.]
I need to borrow his guard outfit.
Just cutting off the oxygen to his brain for a bit.
Oh, okay.
Well, we know that that's never had an adverse effect on anyone.
- [Feedback.]
Monty: Can you guys hear me? - Ohh! We're still setting up the recon vehicle.
Just wanted to make sure we'd be able to communicate - once you're inside the castle.
Over.
- Okay, uh cool.
Thanks, Monty.
I have to go now.
I'm currently watching Superknife murder someone.
And down like a newborn.
If he's dead, I will testify against you at the trial.
[Crowd murmuring.]
[Music.]
[Dishes, silverware clinking.]
- Miss? Wine? - You bet I do! Fill 'er up! Madam, this bottle of wine is over 500 years old.
Mm.
[Gulps.]
Tastes okay to me.
- Ugh - Hey, we're here to stop an assassination, not guzzle expensive booze! What are you so pent up about?! [Trumpet plays off-key.]
And now I present the much venerated hosts of the party King and Queen Bellenus, accompanied by Prince Orenthal and his lovely betrothed, Daphne! I just don't want you to embarrass me.
I'm well aware of your fixation with Daphne! But guess what you're just a bumpkin like me and these blue-bloods will smell it by a country mile.
Well, thanks for the "Hannibal lecture" about what a hayseed I am.
But I happen to think that Daphne is quite fond of me.
- Oh, hi! - In your dreams, Podunk.
[Chomps.]
Look at that.
The Queen of Freedonia? That dress is scandalous, I tell you.
Flaunting her l-luscious youthful figure.
It's a disgrace.
[Barks, growls.]
That's just on the screen, dummy.
You talk a big game, but you wouldn't even know what to do if you got your paws on that.
[Whines.]
So, uh, what nation are you representing, exactly? - I'm Queen of Freedonia.
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh, puppy! [Barking.]
Ooh! [Barking.]
[Snaps fingers.]
What exactly is it that you do in this kingdom, Mr.
Gauntlet? Me? Well, no offense to your police force, but I feel there's room for, uh, you know, o-o-outside h-heroic parties to keep an eye on on the crimes? I hate to disagree, but I do believe we have our borders covered, on all fronts.
So, you seem to be going over pretty well.
Yeah, funny.
Hilarious.
No, no, I no, I really think, uh, you know, - the king seemed impressed, uh, by your, uh, - Shut shut up.
- [Chuckling.]
your story that you just told.
- Shut up.
- Will you shut the [bleep.]
up, please? - [Slurring.]
Okay, I'm goin' in.
In where? The bag? You can barely walk.
Shh, hey, shh, shut up.
[Whispering loudly.]
Listen it's all an act.
If I come across as extremely intoxicated, nobody will suspect I'm actually casing the joint for suspicious activity.
[Groans.]
Urgh, there she goes.
- Ow! - Hey! Yeah, this is great.
This is great.
Hey, Superknife! Wazzup, dude? - Hey.
- Hmm? - Are you new here? - No, I'm often here.
All the time, in fact.
Yeah, guarding things and making sure things - are properly guarded.
- You have a spare moment? [Sultry.]
I have a lock I can't open.
- And where's it located, miss? - I'll show you once we get there.
You can probably handle it.
If he leaves with her, this is an act of gross, gross misconduct.
[Chuckling.]
Okay where's this lock? And there it is! At 19:00 hours, Superknife abandoned his post due to suspicious innuendo.
[Folk music plays.]
[Whispers.]
Apollo, come with me.
Oh, yeah! This is great.
So, have you noticed any unusual activity? No? Come on, do you do you really think - there's an assassination plot? - What are you implying? Oh, I dunno, uh, it did occur to me that this might all just be a ploy - so that you could see me again.
- [Chuckling.]
Oh, okay.
So, I purposefully invented a scenario of political intrigue to attract you here, but, in actuality, my true intent was to "see you again"? Well, O-Occam's Razor dictates that, uh yeah? Maybe you're not the hero I thought you were.
Then if I am not, uh, perhaps we have reached an impasse on this eve, milady, and I bid you adieu.
Ow! [All gasp.]
Oh, no! It's gonna go, it's gonna go! Oh, no, oh, no, it's going.
Oh, no, it's gonna go.
Whew! That was a close one.
[Thud.]
[All gasp.]
It was going to melt anyway, so [Grunts.]
Ow! Urgh! Ow! Ohh, whoa.
What's this? An invisibility cloak? Now let's see what's going on in the kitchen.
[Twinkle!.]
Urgh! Ow! [Grumbles.]
Ohh.
Hello, sweeties.
[Chuckles, munching.]
Death to the ruling class, my brothers and sisters.
- And in mere moments - Huh? you will deliver it to them on a silver platter.
[Laughs.]
All: Yup-yah! [Clatter.]
[Chomps.]
Apollo! Emergency! [Feedback.]
[Grunts.]
Okay, we're in a pickle now.
I've lost communication with Apollo, so one of you needs to tell him the cake is poisoned! Pronto, people! [Gasps.]
Hey, come back here! Rubis: Ow, urgh, ow, oh! Ahh! [Rubis panting.]
- [Slurring.]
The cake is poisoned.
- The lake is f-frozen? - The cake is poisoned! - The steak is overdone? - The cake is poisoned! - The drapes are chosen.
[Yelling.]
Aw, crikey, the cake is poisoned! Huh?! [All gasp.]
It's time to clear the table! [All gasp.]
And this one, too! [All gasp.]
Now the question is who poisoned the cake? [Approaching footsteps.]
This is not a cake-off, this is not a bake-off no, this is a full-on brawl! The secret ingredient tonight is violence.
Ooh, right in the entrees! [Groans.]
[All gasp.]
[Applause.]
Oh, shut up, I don't need your applause, you boring, inbred elitists.
[Music.]
You sicken me.
But you know what? Even with this experience today, I will continue my efforts to protect you.
Why? Because I'm stupid like that.
Because I am attempting in my own small way [Snoring.]
to maintain sanity amidst all this madness.
Thanks, Apollo.
[Gasps.]
Guards, eject him! [Record scratch.]
[As Daniel Plainview.]
I am the Third Revelation! [Music.]
Congratulations, everyone.
- Mission accomplished.
- Ah, the best part, I say, is we're really making headway as a team.
Yes! And it can feel like a Boys' Club with you guys at times, but you finally let me pull my weight on this one.
[Barks.]
Yeah, yeah, yes, it was amazing.
Not since Seal Team Six has an operation been pulled off so smoothly.
I got to say it I'm proud of you, Apollo.
Yeah? Takes a lot of balls to wear that outfit in public.
[Laughter.]
And with no apparent hint of embarrassment.
Yeah, it's pretty lame, bro.
That's it.
I'm taking your allowance away.
[Boing!.]