Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e04 Episode Script
One Rib
Previously on Astrid
and Lilly Save the World.
Yeah! I love us.
I love us too, Lils.
Portals weaken the architecture of the universe.
It's the monster You are about to embark on a very special journey.
I can see through floors, now? You're a good friend.
Do you maybe want to go out with me? Yeah.
I'll need some recruits for our work.
That's my specialty.
You want to play shitbird? Let's play.
Hello? I've got mace! It was one night.
You couldn't make the commitment.
You know how disappointing that is? Youth Group is good for you! Okay.
I just think that expanding your social circle is a good idea.
My circles are fine, thanks.
The least you could do is try! Well, I'm trying not to be late for school, okay? Good bye.
Mwah.
Me? Ugh, save me! I think he really wants us to come over there.
Chaz Borkin hasn't talked to us since eighth grade.
Ugh, he's probably being a dick somehow.
Hah.
Stop! How dare you look so radiant right now! Oh, yeah, I know.
Uh! I woke up this morning and I was, like, "Do I have super senses and the power of clear skin?" Anything's possible.
I swear, they're gonna make a movie about us one day.
Astrid and Lilly: Saving Humanity with their Super Cute and Sexy Super Powers.
Is it a new dance trend? I think they want us to go over there.
Why? To dance with them? Oh, maybe we should look it up.
You know, just in case anyone wants us for their video, or something.
Yeah, yeah, to-totally.
Just in case.
Yeah.
Where's Jonas? Sit down.
Everybody listen up! I have something really serious to tell you about Jonas.
He's, uh He's gone to L.
A.
to be the next Banksy.
Didn't see that coming.
I have his letter here, his artist's statement.
We'll probably never see him again because he'll have to be forever anonymous.
Secrecy is everything in street art.
In his absence, though, I will be taking over the directorial chair for the school play, if anyone cares.
Now, I don't see any actor types here, but tell your attractive friends.
This year's play will be better than ever! Hm.
She ruins everything.
Uh.
All right, honey, have a good day.
I packed you extra coffee, just in case.
Thank you.
I feel like such a zombie.
Oh, by the way, Michelle agreed to be our godparent, depending on her schedule.
Isn't that cool? Wait, uh Hold on.
Depending on her schedule? Well, she's got a lot going on.
We can't expect her to just drop everything and look after our baby.
Wait, but isn't that the whole point of being a godparent? You know, I still don't know why you asked her.
It's not like we're friends.
That's how we become friends.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey, Astrid! You're fast! It's how I evade my enemies.
But not you.
Never you.
Do you have a boyfriend? I j-just saw some-some dude picking you up the other day.
I didn't know if that was your boyfriend or something? Oh, Brutus? No! No, no, no.
Oh, my God, no.
Definitely not.
That guy is, like Yeah, do not worry about it.
I am single.
Very single.
Well, not in a lame way, like, in a normal way.
'Cause I am normal.
Well, since you're single and normal, do you, uh do-do you, do you wanna go on that date tonight? I think I can clear my schedule.
I mean, if you're busy, th-that's fine.
No! I'm-I'm joking.
I am not busy.
I'm-I'm, like, never busy.
Not in a lame way.
In a normal way.
You are the least normal girl I know, Astrid.
I'll, uh, I'll call you tonight.
Yeah? Okay.
My God! It's really happening! I am going on a real date with a real Sparrow.
What are you gonna do? No idea.
- I should bring condoms.
- It's your first date.
So? We're young, attractive youth with palpable sexual tension.
And I guess you have been planning for this to happen for a long time.
And I have been planning for this to happen for a long time.
How many times do we have to tell you not to do that? What if someone saw you? No one saw me! Ouch! - So violent.
- What's that? - This? - Allergy meds.
Something on Earth is making me really goddamn itchy.
I've got a rash all the way down to my All right.
- Ahh - Brutus! Don't litter.
You better not be giving us any monster homework.
Somebody named Astrid has a date tonight.
- With the bird person? - Mm-mm.
Well, if you need any ideas for activities, I'm your guy.
I have a whole list of things I want to do while I'm on Earth.
- Shoe shopping.
- Mm.
The laundromat, which I think is a sort of ride and something called pegging.
Ooh, maybe we could go together? Like a little three-way? Oh, so much to unpack there.
- No-no, thank you.
- Hm.
Oh, wait, so, there's no monster to look out for? No! Happy to report there's been no new breaches, so I say we take the night off.
Ah! No new breaches, no new breaches! And you You enjoy that date.
I don't know who the other 36 women are, but you are definitely getting a rose tonight.
Everything on TV isn't real, Brutus.
Ha! Nice try.
Get that rose! Do-do-do-do-do.
What the hell?! Okay, you're gonna get yourself concussed! Hey, Carla! It turns out can't have enough of these things.
Frankie Jr.
is going through 'em like lava fire.
Oh, yeah.
Big congrats, huh? You two must be over the moon.
Hey, uh, you haven't noticed anything weird going on around here today, have you? Not today.
I thought this place was crawling with spiders the other day, but it was just my dang imagination.
I must need a vacation.
Tell me about it.
Hey, would you mind keeping your eye out for anything? Some kid just hit his head off the window out there.
Might be drugs.
And put it on my tab.
Hey! I got a 10-31 on Main.
It's a grey sedan.
They fled with OTC painkillers.
I couldn't get a read on the plate.
On that note, does anybody have any report on a strange street drug? Shit, you think they're turning over-the-counter pain meds into a drug? People are acting pretty crazy around here and baby painkillers? That is a narcotic! Hey guys: Drew here thinks there's a new drug conspiracy in town! Yeah, we're not on HBO, man.
Stick to traffic tickets.
- But I - That's an order! Small town know-nothing! Oh, no.
Are you okay? No, no.
No, no.
They stepped out in front of me.
Wha? Whoa, whoa! You shouldn't be standing on that leg! Are you all right? Wait What are you doing? Okay Back up! No drugs, my butt, Chief! Hm Ours is sluggish.
How quickly is yours spreading? Yeesh, I wasn't gonna copy you or anything.
Aw, you got matching tatts.
Lab partner bonding thing? Okay, good talk.
That's every day this week.
There's a lot to see.
It's, uh space.
What about the other students who want to use the telescope? You're not leaving any time for them.
Where? Look, Eggs I'm worried that you're not experiencing the full range of Things to experience in high school.
No, thank you, I would like to book the telescope for tonight.
It'll look good on your transcript diversify! Auditions for the play are tonight.
Why not give that a shot, huh? I don't know how to act.
Anyone can act.
I'll get Miss Berry to put aside some books at the library for you.
Think of it as an experiment.
And, also, Michelle asked me if I could get more students to audition for the play and I really want her to like me.
Okay, I'll, uh, I'll do it, but only for you.
Yes! Dorkapalooza sign-up! Ass! Sorry, Tate's girlfriend! I have a name! It's like I wouldn't exist if I wasn't his girlfriend.
You didn't have to say anything.
I'm signing up for set dec.
It is kind of dorkapalooza.
Honestly, just sign up for whatever you want.
Screw everyone else.
Hm.
See ya.
Oh! Good job.
Straight down to the basement, okay? Somebody did her homework.
Oh, Candy, honey, um I am going to be later than I thought tonight, but, uh, guess what? I've booked us mani-pedis.
Love you! - Oh! - Oh! Good grief, Tom, don't be so creepy.
Come on, Big C.
Scripture says we need to share good things with one another, like the old basement chapel, for example.
I'm getting pretty tired of running a bake sale out of my trunk every weekend.
Mm.
Well, maybe that's just where the good Lord intended you sell your crap, Tom.
In the parking lot.
What are you doing down there, anyway? What's the big secret? Secrets are Great One, the supplies that you requested are here, so I will leave you to rest.
You seem troubled.
Oh, it's just earthly annoyances.
You don't need to concern yourself.
Don't lose faith.
If you stay the course with me, you'll have all the power you ever could have wanted.
And you'll find certain annoyances cease to exist.
Um I didn't see you mentioned anywhere in the bible.
Does it matter? Can I make my own title? Interesting.
I'm sure that can be arranged.
I'll need a fresh bath.
This is starting to turn.
Thank you for asking.
Besides science, I have to say my three favorite hobbies are dessert bars, finding interesting Korean food and improv.
And speaking of improv Oh, sorry.
Better get this.
Hey! I was just talking about improv.
Again? Hey, you haven't noticed anything weird with the students today, have you? Things are always a little weird, sweetie.
No, no, I'm worried that there's a new drug going around.
Earlier, I saw somebody dance into the street and they got hit.
They didn't even flinch! Everywhere I go today, there's people dancing.
It's like they're not even there mentally.
It's gotta be drugs.
Can you hear that? About the drugs? It's probably a trend.
People love to dance.
I don't know.
This is different.
Oh, my God.
Spidey senses going off.
So glad you said that.
I just kicked a can of paint through the art room window.
Everyone's pissed.
My super-hearing went off and I could hear Frick's entire phone conversation.
Frickin' whoa.
The cop thinks people are acting weird because of drugs.
But that doesn't explain our powers going off.
Why'd you kick a can of paint? Well, it was in my way.
I- I didn't think it would fly across the room! And get this: the cop says that the drug people were all dancing.
No, that's just the stupid new dance trend! I've actually been learning the moves.
Okay, we should confirm with Brutus, just in case.
If there's a new monster, I want to button it up quick 'cause I have a boy to make out with! Oh, okay, fine, you're right.
It's more important.
I just got excited about the dance moves.
You know, it just felt nice to be a part of something.
Yeah, you know.
Uh.
Brutus! Ah, crap.
He's not here.
He really needs a phone.
No, seriously: what could be more important than this? Mm, mm Okay, so, what clues do we have besides dancing? Oh! We should really teach him about a garbage can.
There's nothing about dancing.
These are all in monster language.
You know, maybe it is drugs? Maybe our powers are, like, malfunctioning or something? Brutus did warn us they'd be unreliable.
Maybe we should do some more recon, just to be safe.
Head back to school? - I can't.
- I got that date tonight! Oh, right! Um, okay.
Uh, I'll go solo.
Well, don't feel like you, like, have to.
No, it's okay.
I wanted to watch the auditions, anyways.
I don't know how you could sit through those things.
It's just Valerie looking for any excuse to cry on command.
There's some nice people.
Ah, well, just call me if you see anything.
But I might be busy.
Mm.
Oh, yes, yes, okay.
Mm.
Sparrow! Oh! Bye.
Bye, Mom! I'm not home for dinner! Expanding my social circle, like you wanted! - What? - Okay, cool.
Bye! Weird.
The tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips.
The tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips.
Ma-ma-ma.
Listen up! Director speaking! So you're all here to audition for a part in Romeo and Juliet, a Michelle Knight Shakespeare collab.
Thank you.
Now, personally, I'm not a big theater person, so when I saw Jonas planned to do Romeo and Juliet, and not even the Leo version, I thought, "No way I'm reading that.
It's old.
And long.
" You're not changing the play, are you? Because I prepared specifically for it, so Take a pill, Val, okay, I'm not changing your precious play.
- Mm-hm.
- I'm adapting it.
I thought I would take some inspo from my two weeks abroad in Australia and send Romeo and Juliet "down unda.
" It'll be set in Australia.
You can't edit The Bard! Okay, enough talking.
Time to warm up! Fine.
Zip, zap, zop! What? No! Jumping jacks.
Let's go! What the? Jumping jacks? Okay.
Kinda dusty! My instrument? Did you get those as, like, crew bonding things? Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Never mind.
We can, uh, get to know each other later.
[THUMPING Whoa, my God! Suprisingly, very high-octane.
This place is the best.
Mm, yeah.
You're pretty good on those, huh? Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I used to ice skate with my dad.
Oh.
Which is, like, kind of the same thing.
Cute.
When was that? A very long time ago.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Brutus? Sorry, I thought I saw somebody.
Mm.
Mm.
Don't know why, but crinkle cut just tastes better.
You serious? Wedge is definitely the best.
- You're a wedge man? - I'm a wedge man.
I gotta go.
So, what kind of fries does your iguana like? I mean flies! Nice.
Nice.
How'd you know I have an iguana? You're not spying on me, are you, Astrid? Wait.
You just seem like an iguana guy.
Weird? Not in, like, a bad way.
It's okay, people find reptiles weird but I like 'em.
They're, like, little monsters, you know? They don't really fit in.
Guess I can relate.
I get that.
Maybe I'm an iguana guy, too? I don't know if I could date you if you weren't! In fact, it's Philbert you're really going to have to be impressing.
- Philbert!? - Mm.
Yeah.
He's a very, very difficult lizard to win over.
Wait, his name is Philbert? Yeah, it makes sense when you meet him, I promise.
Ketchup? Yeah, ketchup.
- Ketchup.
- Mm-hm.
Tonight, I'll be performing a monologue as my favorite action movie character, Dominic Toretto, from Fast and the Furious.
I never narc'd on nobody! I never narc'd on nobody! Put the nitro in there.
Hey, um have you seen Tate? Uh, no.
I-I didn't think theater was Tate's thing.
It's not.
He just said he'd be here, though.
Hopefully you didn't plan the same monologue as this guy.
Yeah, this is for my family! Yep.
Stop! Who's next? To be or not to be, That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind To suffer the slings and arrows I haven't seen you audition before.
- Uh - I'm an actor now.
For science.
Huh? It's my first time.
I've been an actor for about, um Uh, six hours? Oh! Okay.
So you're just starting your journey, then.
You know, it takes, like, a lifetime of work to master the the craft.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
It doesn't seem that hard.
I- I think anybody can act.
Next.
Eggs.
I guess it's my turn now.
Sometime, shark go away.
Sometime he don't go away.
Sometimes that shark, he look right into ya.
Right into your eyes.
You know, the thing about a shark, he got lifeless eyes.
Black eyes, like, um like a doll's eyes.
When he coming at ya, it don't even look like he's livin' 'til he bites ya.
Hm.
Uh, Quint.
Jaws.
Who is this man? Ooh, I know this one.
Ow! Oh, sorry.
I-I-I can get it.
Ooh! Ow! Ohh, it is a monster thing.
Look out! It's contagious?! Astrid? Uh, sorry if you're busy.
Mm, you look good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Whuh.
- Whoa.
You're kind of awesome.
Um Yeah, so are you.
That, um, was really Ah!! - Shit! - Are you okay? Oh, my God! Uh.
Hey, watch where you're going! That dance.
Is this a flash mob? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Uh.
We need to leave.
- Like, right now.
- Wait, wait.
What? Yeah.
I forgot, um, I have um I have to meet Lilly at school.
Like, right now! - You don't have to meet Lilly.
- I'm so sorry.
Okay, go home! Like, right now! Astrid! What? - You, go in there! - Please.
You, please don't sneeze on me! Oh! Gesundheit.
Up next Told you it was dusty.
Valerie.
I thought she was supposed to be good? Is this interpretive? What am I watching? Oh, my God.
Oh, shit! Val! Ow.
Go on! Git! Git, git.
Go on! Uh! I'm not auditioning! This is not an audition.
Come on.
Shoo, shoo I know, but you said you'd come.
I'm not saying that soccer's less important, I just Ha, ho, whoo.
Well, it is to me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry, I was just Oh, it-it's fine.
Um Tate never showed up.
Oh, sorry.
He doesn't He doesn't really get that this is important to me.
You know, even though I told him, like like a million times.
Mm.
Whatever.
Um No, he's your boyfriend.
He should support you.
I don't think he got the memo.
I just get so sick of his shit, you know? But But it's Tate.
Now, I can't not be with him.
You know, we're meant to be together.
Everyone says so.
You know, we're supposed to be this perfect couple.
Look, screw everyone else, remember? You don't need Tate.
You're gonna nail it.
Thanks.
Why do you have a broom? Oh, it's a prop.
Do me a favor? Don't get sneezed on, okay? Sure.
So, before you come back here with another lame-ass offer, I want you to think real hard about what your spine is worth, Mr.
Walker.
Or-or-or what you might expect someone to pay you for a uterus, Miss Sanchez.
And then you take out your calculator, then you multiply that number by 100.
Anything less than that is a waste of our time! Erin Brockovich.
Well, honestly, I'd make a better Juliet, but, fine Uh.
Okay, what took you so long? Sorry! Candace was auditioning.
Ew.
Did she suck? Ah, who cares? Um, where's Sparrow? I had to cut the roller rink short.
Fingers crossed he's not mad at me.
Okay.
Look for sneezing.
That's how it's spreading.
Okay.
Well, I did my best to quarantine the school.
- Oh! Remember Chaz Borkin? - Mm-hm.
My mom told me he danced into his lawnmower.
He lost a foot! - What?! - Yes! Oh, my God, we need to find and kill this thing before it infects the whole town! Or us.
Into the lawn mower? - Mm-hm.
- Ahh.
- Oh, okay, here.
- What? Three noses sneeze attack.
Ah, it's not really a sneeze attack.
I- i-it's the whole, you know, dancing thing.
Okay! Sorry.
Umm Okay, uh, what about this? Jzzxxshh? Says it causes fast-spreading personality loss.
Victims take on attributes and actions of the monster.
It's like the zombie copy cats.
Zopy cats! That would explain the brainless Night of the Living Dance vibes.
Honestly, I'm pissed at this Jzzz Jsz-xhsh.
What the Whatever it is! 'Cause it ruined my date.
Yep, you're right.
Not cool.
Let's go kick its ass.
I'll check Brutus's one more time.
I'll get supplies.
Okay.
Let's see Yes.
Okay, good.
Extra large.
Great! One, two of them, I guess.
What do I need? What do I need? Sure.
Incredible.
Okay.
Ah-ha! Doing some shopping? Hazmat suits.
Gloves.
What's next? Baby painkillers? I'm not involved in any drug thing, Officer! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about drugs? You know more than you let on.
Yeah, I don't! I was in Frick's class when you were talking about it and I'm just What was that? Oh, they're inside.
No, Carla.
You too? Okay, um, take these! And, uh, this! And don't touch any of the zo Drug people.
Is there a contact high? I had a feeling something like this was spreading.
- Yes, defs that.
- Yeah.
Ready? No, Regina, get away, get away, get away! You get Get outta here! I wanted to be asked to join things, but not like this! Get out of my waaaay! Drew, go.
Come on! You have joined together in service of something bigger than you, now.
Together we will do unimaginable things.
Oh, hey! I'm back! No sign of Brutus, though.
I thought we bonded back there! I totally saved your ass! The teamwork, that was great, but you're still under arrest.
For what?! For whatever the hell is going on here! What happened? We ran into a bunch of zopy cats! - What? Oh.
- But I did get supplies.
I've apprehended a suspect in the potential drug ring and I'm bringing her in.
Drew, there ain't a drug ring! This is Coppers Cove, not some true crime docuseries.
Respectfully, I think I'm onto something.
Not good enough, Sherlock.
Last thing we need is another lawsuit.
Let her go! - Mmm - Did it get you? Mm-mm.
Hm.
What is that? Pill capsule? I saw one at the roller rink.
From Brutus? Hey, Officer, where'd you find that thing? This? Coppers Park.
They're littered all over the place.
I thought it had something to do with the drugs.
Why? What do you know about it? Nothing.
Fine.
Well, I guess I gotta let you go.
Did Brutus have Coppers Park on his to-do list? Hey, I-I think we look pretty badass.
- Oh! Lilly, look.
- What? Oh! Oh, my God.
My nose is going crazy.
What if we follow these and it leads us to Brutus? Oh, I hope not because I'm so ready to kick Jsszh's ass! Yeah.
Oh! Oh, my God.
Come on.
We gotta go.
Okay.
Oh, oh my Oh, stupid I'm trying to find one.
Hold up.
Oww! Stop! God, why is everyone so unhelpful around here? - Ahh! - Ooh.
Damn allergies! Oh Oh, my God, It has allergies.
The-the sneezing and the-the dancing It's allergies! It's allergies! Of course, God! No wonder the infection's spreading.
Look at him! Okay, we need to get him before he gets us.
What? What are you talking about? I don't want to get you! - You don't want to kill us? - No! I don't even want to be here! I was walking along and I fell in this portal hole.
I remember I came out somewhere around these things.
I- I-I am so allergic to these! How do you live like this? This dickatron with allergies turned everyone into zombies and ruined my date! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry! I don't want to infect anyone.
I just I just wanna go home.
We can get you there.
We just need one thing first.
What part do we need? His rib.
Our bones grow back in a couple of days.
It's kind of crazy.
Super painful, but, uh, the good kind of pain, you know? - Goggles? - Check.
Call me Josh, by the way, and mind the face.
Kinda swollen.
I'm actually quite the looker back home.
- Hm.
- Shears? Check.
You ready? Okay.
Aaah!! I'm just messing with ya.
Here, let me.
Ah! Gross.
Whoo Sorry for stabbing you like that.
No biggie.
Thanks for your help.
- Think I know my way home now.
- Okay.
Cannot wait to clear these sinuses! Oh, it's okay.
Oh, my God.
It was kind of a weird one.
Guys, I missed one! There's another monster.
Yeah, we know.
He just left.
It was Jzz Josh.
Super nice guy, actually.
You mean this guy? Damn! - He was not kidding! - Mm.
Listen, team, team I'm sorry, okay? The game went on extra innings.
I got distracted.
Hm.
It's never going to happen again.
I promise.
You know, it's okay, actually.
We managed pretty okay on our own.
Yeah.
You're pretty good at this, you know that? Oh, wait.
What about all those dancing zombie people? Oh, don't worry about that.
Josh's power is like a cold.
Just sleep it off.
Like I'm about to.
I am exhausted! It has really been a day.
Okay, let's take these off.
Like, I can't believe we didn't see that at first.
I know, right? Oh, whose audition sucked the worst? Okay, you mean besides for all the dancing? Michelle was losing her mind.
Ah, yes! Some people were actually kind of surprising, though.
Hm.
So, tell me about your date.
Details.
It was good.
Uh-huh? - Okay, we kissed.
- What!? Oh, my God, my best friend got kissed! - That's right.
I got kissed! - I got kissed! - No way! - Yes, girl! Shut up! I am so stoked for you! Hey, what if we like each other for real, though? I don't think I could handle it.
Uh You'll be fine.
You just stabbed a guy for his rib.
Yeah, you're right.
Ah, God, we're cool.
Mm-hm.
We should get Matching tattoos! - I was thinking the same thing! - I was thinking the same thing! I knew you were.
I knew you were.
- No way! - Wait! - What? - Wait, I have a better idea.
Hm? Oh! And down.
Yeah, I know it's a monster thing, but I'm pretty good at it.
I would say.
What was that again? And drop! No, no, no.
More hips, more hips.
- Okay.
- Like Da-na-na-na-na, and That's the last of it.
Another spatial disturbance.
Weird.
You have paint on your face.
What do you want? You left these In the rec room.
I thought it was trash at first, but then I saw your name.
Hm.
Still You should keep them.
They're going to be worth something someday very soon.
Ho
Yeah! I love us.
I love us too, Lils.
Portals weaken the architecture of the universe.
It's the monster You are about to embark on a very special journey.
I can see through floors, now? You're a good friend.
Do you maybe want to go out with me? Yeah.
I'll need some recruits for our work.
That's my specialty.
You want to play shitbird? Let's play.
Hello? I've got mace! It was one night.
You couldn't make the commitment.
You know how disappointing that is? Youth Group is good for you! Okay.
I just think that expanding your social circle is a good idea.
My circles are fine, thanks.
The least you could do is try! Well, I'm trying not to be late for school, okay? Good bye.
Mwah.
Me? Ugh, save me! I think he really wants us to come over there.
Chaz Borkin hasn't talked to us since eighth grade.
Ugh, he's probably being a dick somehow.
Hah.
Stop! How dare you look so radiant right now! Oh, yeah, I know.
Uh! I woke up this morning and I was, like, "Do I have super senses and the power of clear skin?" Anything's possible.
I swear, they're gonna make a movie about us one day.
Astrid and Lilly: Saving Humanity with their Super Cute and Sexy Super Powers.
Is it a new dance trend? I think they want us to go over there.
Why? To dance with them? Oh, maybe we should look it up.
You know, just in case anyone wants us for their video, or something.
Yeah, yeah, to-totally.
Just in case.
Yeah.
Where's Jonas? Sit down.
Everybody listen up! I have something really serious to tell you about Jonas.
He's, uh He's gone to L.
A.
to be the next Banksy.
Didn't see that coming.
I have his letter here, his artist's statement.
We'll probably never see him again because he'll have to be forever anonymous.
Secrecy is everything in street art.
In his absence, though, I will be taking over the directorial chair for the school play, if anyone cares.
Now, I don't see any actor types here, but tell your attractive friends.
This year's play will be better than ever! Hm.
She ruins everything.
Uh.
All right, honey, have a good day.
I packed you extra coffee, just in case.
Thank you.
I feel like such a zombie.
Oh, by the way, Michelle agreed to be our godparent, depending on her schedule.
Isn't that cool? Wait, uh Hold on.
Depending on her schedule? Well, she's got a lot going on.
We can't expect her to just drop everything and look after our baby.
Wait, but isn't that the whole point of being a godparent? You know, I still don't know why you asked her.
It's not like we're friends.
That's how we become friends.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey, Astrid! You're fast! It's how I evade my enemies.
But not you.
Never you.
Do you have a boyfriend? I j-just saw some-some dude picking you up the other day.
I didn't know if that was your boyfriend or something? Oh, Brutus? No! No, no, no.
Oh, my God, no.
Definitely not.
That guy is, like Yeah, do not worry about it.
I am single.
Very single.
Well, not in a lame way, like, in a normal way.
'Cause I am normal.
Well, since you're single and normal, do you, uh do-do you, do you wanna go on that date tonight? I think I can clear my schedule.
I mean, if you're busy, th-that's fine.
No! I'm-I'm joking.
I am not busy.
I'm-I'm, like, never busy.
Not in a lame way.
In a normal way.
You are the least normal girl I know, Astrid.
I'll, uh, I'll call you tonight.
Yeah? Okay.
My God! It's really happening! I am going on a real date with a real Sparrow.
What are you gonna do? No idea.
- I should bring condoms.
- It's your first date.
So? We're young, attractive youth with palpable sexual tension.
And I guess you have been planning for this to happen for a long time.
And I have been planning for this to happen for a long time.
How many times do we have to tell you not to do that? What if someone saw you? No one saw me! Ouch! - So violent.
- What's that? - This? - Allergy meds.
Something on Earth is making me really goddamn itchy.
I've got a rash all the way down to my All right.
- Ahh - Brutus! Don't litter.
You better not be giving us any monster homework.
Somebody named Astrid has a date tonight.
- With the bird person? - Mm-mm.
Well, if you need any ideas for activities, I'm your guy.
I have a whole list of things I want to do while I'm on Earth.
- Shoe shopping.
- Mm.
The laundromat, which I think is a sort of ride and something called pegging.
Ooh, maybe we could go together? Like a little three-way? Oh, so much to unpack there.
- No-no, thank you.
- Hm.
Oh, wait, so, there's no monster to look out for? No! Happy to report there's been no new breaches, so I say we take the night off.
Ah! No new breaches, no new breaches! And you You enjoy that date.
I don't know who the other 36 women are, but you are definitely getting a rose tonight.
Everything on TV isn't real, Brutus.
Ha! Nice try.
Get that rose! Do-do-do-do-do.
What the hell?! Okay, you're gonna get yourself concussed! Hey, Carla! It turns out can't have enough of these things.
Frankie Jr.
is going through 'em like lava fire.
Oh, yeah.
Big congrats, huh? You two must be over the moon.
Hey, uh, you haven't noticed anything weird going on around here today, have you? Not today.
I thought this place was crawling with spiders the other day, but it was just my dang imagination.
I must need a vacation.
Tell me about it.
Hey, would you mind keeping your eye out for anything? Some kid just hit his head off the window out there.
Might be drugs.
And put it on my tab.
Hey! I got a 10-31 on Main.
It's a grey sedan.
They fled with OTC painkillers.
I couldn't get a read on the plate.
On that note, does anybody have any report on a strange street drug? Shit, you think they're turning over-the-counter pain meds into a drug? People are acting pretty crazy around here and baby painkillers? That is a narcotic! Hey guys: Drew here thinks there's a new drug conspiracy in town! Yeah, we're not on HBO, man.
Stick to traffic tickets.
- But I - That's an order! Small town know-nothing! Oh, no.
Are you okay? No, no.
No, no.
They stepped out in front of me.
Wha? Whoa, whoa! You shouldn't be standing on that leg! Are you all right? Wait What are you doing? Okay Back up! No drugs, my butt, Chief! Hm Ours is sluggish.
How quickly is yours spreading? Yeesh, I wasn't gonna copy you or anything.
Aw, you got matching tatts.
Lab partner bonding thing? Okay, good talk.
That's every day this week.
There's a lot to see.
It's, uh space.
What about the other students who want to use the telescope? You're not leaving any time for them.
Where? Look, Eggs I'm worried that you're not experiencing the full range of Things to experience in high school.
No, thank you, I would like to book the telescope for tonight.
It'll look good on your transcript diversify! Auditions for the play are tonight.
Why not give that a shot, huh? I don't know how to act.
Anyone can act.
I'll get Miss Berry to put aside some books at the library for you.
Think of it as an experiment.
And, also, Michelle asked me if I could get more students to audition for the play and I really want her to like me.
Okay, I'll, uh, I'll do it, but only for you.
Yes! Dorkapalooza sign-up! Ass! Sorry, Tate's girlfriend! I have a name! It's like I wouldn't exist if I wasn't his girlfriend.
You didn't have to say anything.
I'm signing up for set dec.
It is kind of dorkapalooza.
Honestly, just sign up for whatever you want.
Screw everyone else.
Hm.
See ya.
Oh! Good job.
Straight down to the basement, okay? Somebody did her homework.
Oh, Candy, honey, um I am going to be later than I thought tonight, but, uh, guess what? I've booked us mani-pedis.
Love you! - Oh! - Oh! Good grief, Tom, don't be so creepy.
Come on, Big C.
Scripture says we need to share good things with one another, like the old basement chapel, for example.
I'm getting pretty tired of running a bake sale out of my trunk every weekend.
Mm.
Well, maybe that's just where the good Lord intended you sell your crap, Tom.
In the parking lot.
What are you doing down there, anyway? What's the big secret? Secrets are Great One, the supplies that you requested are here, so I will leave you to rest.
You seem troubled.
Oh, it's just earthly annoyances.
You don't need to concern yourself.
Don't lose faith.
If you stay the course with me, you'll have all the power you ever could have wanted.
And you'll find certain annoyances cease to exist.
Um I didn't see you mentioned anywhere in the bible.
Does it matter? Can I make my own title? Interesting.
I'm sure that can be arranged.
I'll need a fresh bath.
This is starting to turn.
Thank you for asking.
Besides science, I have to say my three favorite hobbies are dessert bars, finding interesting Korean food and improv.
And speaking of improv Oh, sorry.
Better get this.
Hey! I was just talking about improv.
Again? Hey, you haven't noticed anything weird with the students today, have you? Things are always a little weird, sweetie.
No, no, I'm worried that there's a new drug going around.
Earlier, I saw somebody dance into the street and they got hit.
They didn't even flinch! Everywhere I go today, there's people dancing.
It's like they're not even there mentally.
It's gotta be drugs.
Can you hear that? About the drugs? It's probably a trend.
People love to dance.
I don't know.
This is different.
Oh, my God.
Spidey senses going off.
So glad you said that.
I just kicked a can of paint through the art room window.
Everyone's pissed.
My super-hearing went off and I could hear Frick's entire phone conversation.
Frickin' whoa.
The cop thinks people are acting weird because of drugs.
But that doesn't explain our powers going off.
Why'd you kick a can of paint? Well, it was in my way.
I- I didn't think it would fly across the room! And get this: the cop says that the drug people were all dancing.
No, that's just the stupid new dance trend! I've actually been learning the moves.
Okay, we should confirm with Brutus, just in case.
If there's a new monster, I want to button it up quick 'cause I have a boy to make out with! Oh, okay, fine, you're right.
It's more important.
I just got excited about the dance moves.
You know, it just felt nice to be a part of something.
Yeah, you know.
Uh.
Brutus! Ah, crap.
He's not here.
He really needs a phone.
No, seriously: what could be more important than this? Mm, mm Okay, so, what clues do we have besides dancing? Oh! We should really teach him about a garbage can.
There's nothing about dancing.
These are all in monster language.
You know, maybe it is drugs? Maybe our powers are, like, malfunctioning or something? Brutus did warn us they'd be unreliable.
Maybe we should do some more recon, just to be safe.
Head back to school? - I can't.
- I got that date tonight! Oh, right! Um, okay.
Uh, I'll go solo.
Well, don't feel like you, like, have to.
No, it's okay.
I wanted to watch the auditions, anyways.
I don't know how you could sit through those things.
It's just Valerie looking for any excuse to cry on command.
There's some nice people.
Ah, well, just call me if you see anything.
But I might be busy.
Mm.
Oh, yes, yes, okay.
Mm.
Sparrow! Oh! Bye.
Bye, Mom! I'm not home for dinner! Expanding my social circle, like you wanted! - What? - Okay, cool.
Bye! Weird.
The tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips.
The tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips.
Ma-ma-ma.
Listen up! Director speaking! So you're all here to audition for a part in Romeo and Juliet, a Michelle Knight Shakespeare collab.
Thank you.
Now, personally, I'm not a big theater person, so when I saw Jonas planned to do Romeo and Juliet, and not even the Leo version, I thought, "No way I'm reading that.
It's old.
And long.
" You're not changing the play, are you? Because I prepared specifically for it, so Take a pill, Val, okay, I'm not changing your precious play.
- Mm-hm.
- I'm adapting it.
I thought I would take some inspo from my two weeks abroad in Australia and send Romeo and Juliet "down unda.
" It'll be set in Australia.
You can't edit The Bard! Okay, enough talking.
Time to warm up! Fine.
Zip, zap, zop! What? No! Jumping jacks.
Let's go! What the? Jumping jacks? Okay.
Kinda dusty! My instrument? Did you get those as, like, crew bonding things? Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Never mind.
We can, uh, get to know each other later.
[THUMPING Whoa, my God! Suprisingly, very high-octane.
This place is the best.
Mm, yeah.
You're pretty good on those, huh? Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I used to ice skate with my dad.
Oh.
Which is, like, kind of the same thing.
Cute.
When was that? A very long time ago.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Brutus? Sorry, I thought I saw somebody.
Mm.
Mm.
Don't know why, but crinkle cut just tastes better.
You serious? Wedge is definitely the best.
- You're a wedge man? - I'm a wedge man.
I gotta go.
So, what kind of fries does your iguana like? I mean flies! Nice.
Nice.
How'd you know I have an iguana? You're not spying on me, are you, Astrid? Wait.
You just seem like an iguana guy.
Weird? Not in, like, a bad way.
It's okay, people find reptiles weird but I like 'em.
They're, like, little monsters, you know? They don't really fit in.
Guess I can relate.
I get that.
Maybe I'm an iguana guy, too? I don't know if I could date you if you weren't! In fact, it's Philbert you're really going to have to be impressing.
- Philbert!? - Mm.
Yeah.
He's a very, very difficult lizard to win over.
Wait, his name is Philbert? Yeah, it makes sense when you meet him, I promise.
Ketchup? Yeah, ketchup.
- Ketchup.
- Mm-hm.
Tonight, I'll be performing a monologue as my favorite action movie character, Dominic Toretto, from Fast and the Furious.
I never narc'd on nobody! I never narc'd on nobody! Put the nitro in there.
Hey, um have you seen Tate? Uh, no.
I-I didn't think theater was Tate's thing.
It's not.
He just said he'd be here, though.
Hopefully you didn't plan the same monologue as this guy.
Yeah, this is for my family! Yep.
Stop! Who's next? To be or not to be, That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind To suffer the slings and arrows I haven't seen you audition before.
- Uh - I'm an actor now.
For science.
Huh? It's my first time.
I've been an actor for about, um Uh, six hours? Oh! Okay.
So you're just starting your journey, then.
You know, it takes, like, a lifetime of work to master the the craft.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
It doesn't seem that hard.
I- I think anybody can act.
Next.
Eggs.
I guess it's my turn now.
Sometime, shark go away.
Sometime he don't go away.
Sometimes that shark, he look right into ya.
Right into your eyes.
You know, the thing about a shark, he got lifeless eyes.
Black eyes, like, um like a doll's eyes.
When he coming at ya, it don't even look like he's livin' 'til he bites ya.
Hm.
Uh, Quint.
Jaws.
Who is this man? Ooh, I know this one.
Ow! Oh, sorry.
I-I-I can get it.
Ooh! Ow! Ohh, it is a monster thing.
Look out! It's contagious?! Astrid? Uh, sorry if you're busy.
Mm, you look good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Whuh.
- Whoa.
You're kind of awesome.
Um Yeah, so are you.
That, um, was really Ah!! - Shit! - Are you okay? Oh, my God! Uh.
Hey, watch where you're going! That dance.
Is this a flash mob? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Uh.
We need to leave.
- Like, right now.
- Wait, wait.
What? Yeah.
I forgot, um, I have um I have to meet Lilly at school.
Like, right now! - You don't have to meet Lilly.
- I'm so sorry.
Okay, go home! Like, right now! Astrid! What? - You, go in there! - Please.
You, please don't sneeze on me! Oh! Gesundheit.
Up next Told you it was dusty.
Valerie.
I thought she was supposed to be good? Is this interpretive? What am I watching? Oh, my God.
Oh, shit! Val! Ow.
Go on! Git! Git, git.
Go on! Uh! I'm not auditioning! This is not an audition.
Come on.
Shoo, shoo I know, but you said you'd come.
I'm not saying that soccer's less important, I just Ha, ho, whoo.
Well, it is to me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry, I was just Oh, it-it's fine.
Um Tate never showed up.
Oh, sorry.
He doesn't He doesn't really get that this is important to me.
You know, even though I told him, like like a million times.
Mm.
Whatever.
Um No, he's your boyfriend.
He should support you.
I don't think he got the memo.
I just get so sick of his shit, you know? But But it's Tate.
Now, I can't not be with him.
You know, we're meant to be together.
Everyone says so.
You know, we're supposed to be this perfect couple.
Look, screw everyone else, remember? You don't need Tate.
You're gonna nail it.
Thanks.
Why do you have a broom? Oh, it's a prop.
Do me a favor? Don't get sneezed on, okay? Sure.
So, before you come back here with another lame-ass offer, I want you to think real hard about what your spine is worth, Mr.
Walker.
Or-or-or what you might expect someone to pay you for a uterus, Miss Sanchez.
And then you take out your calculator, then you multiply that number by 100.
Anything less than that is a waste of our time! Erin Brockovich.
Well, honestly, I'd make a better Juliet, but, fine Uh.
Okay, what took you so long? Sorry! Candace was auditioning.
Ew.
Did she suck? Ah, who cares? Um, where's Sparrow? I had to cut the roller rink short.
Fingers crossed he's not mad at me.
Okay.
Look for sneezing.
That's how it's spreading.
Okay.
Well, I did my best to quarantine the school.
- Oh! Remember Chaz Borkin? - Mm-hm.
My mom told me he danced into his lawnmower.
He lost a foot! - What?! - Yes! Oh, my God, we need to find and kill this thing before it infects the whole town! Or us.
Into the lawn mower? - Mm-hm.
- Ahh.
- Oh, okay, here.
- What? Three noses sneeze attack.
Ah, it's not really a sneeze attack.
I- i-it's the whole, you know, dancing thing.
Okay! Sorry.
Umm Okay, uh, what about this? Jzzxxshh? Says it causes fast-spreading personality loss.
Victims take on attributes and actions of the monster.
It's like the zombie copy cats.
Zopy cats! That would explain the brainless Night of the Living Dance vibes.
Honestly, I'm pissed at this Jzzz Jsz-xhsh.
What the Whatever it is! 'Cause it ruined my date.
Yep, you're right.
Not cool.
Let's go kick its ass.
I'll check Brutus's one more time.
I'll get supplies.
Okay.
Let's see Yes.
Okay, good.
Extra large.
Great! One, two of them, I guess.
What do I need? What do I need? Sure.
Incredible.
Okay.
Ah-ha! Doing some shopping? Hazmat suits.
Gloves.
What's next? Baby painkillers? I'm not involved in any drug thing, Officer! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about drugs? You know more than you let on.
Yeah, I don't! I was in Frick's class when you were talking about it and I'm just What was that? Oh, they're inside.
No, Carla.
You too? Okay, um, take these! And, uh, this! And don't touch any of the zo Drug people.
Is there a contact high? I had a feeling something like this was spreading.
- Yes, defs that.
- Yeah.
Ready? No, Regina, get away, get away, get away! You get Get outta here! I wanted to be asked to join things, but not like this! Get out of my waaaay! Drew, go.
Come on! You have joined together in service of something bigger than you, now.
Together we will do unimaginable things.
Oh, hey! I'm back! No sign of Brutus, though.
I thought we bonded back there! I totally saved your ass! The teamwork, that was great, but you're still under arrest.
For what?! For whatever the hell is going on here! What happened? We ran into a bunch of zopy cats! - What? Oh.
- But I did get supplies.
I've apprehended a suspect in the potential drug ring and I'm bringing her in.
Drew, there ain't a drug ring! This is Coppers Cove, not some true crime docuseries.
Respectfully, I think I'm onto something.
Not good enough, Sherlock.
Last thing we need is another lawsuit.
Let her go! - Mmm - Did it get you? Mm-mm.
Hm.
What is that? Pill capsule? I saw one at the roller rink.
From Brutus? Hey, Officer, where'd you find that thing? This? Coppers Park.
They're littered all over the place.
I thought it had something to do with the drugs.
Why? What do you know about it? Nothing.
Fine.
Well, I guess I gotta let you go.
Did Brutus have Coppers Park on his to-do list? Hey, I-I think we look pretty badass.
- Oh! Lilly, look.
- What? Oh! Oh, my God.
My nose is going crazy.
What if we follow these and it leads us to Brutus? Oh, I hope not because I'm so ready to kick Jsszh's ass! Yeah.
Oh! Oh, my God.
Come on.
We gotta go.
Okay.
Oh, oh my Oh, stupid I'm trying to find one.
Hold up.
Oww! Stop! God, why is everyone so unhelpful around here? - Ahh! - Ooh.
Damn allergies! Oh Oh, my God, It has allergies.
The-the sneezing and the-the dancing It's allergies! It's allergies! Of course, God! No wonder the infection's spreading.
Look at him! Okay, we need to get him before he gets us.
What? What are you talking about? I don't want to get you! - You don't want to kill us? - No! I don't even want to be here! I was walking along and I fell in this portal hole.
I remember I came out somewhere around these things.
I- I-I am so allergic to these! How do you live like this? This dickatron with allergies turned everyone into zombies and ruined my date! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry! I don't want to infect anyone.
I just I just wanna go home.
We can get you there.
We just need one thing first.
What part do we need? His rib.
Our bones grow back in a couple of days.
It's kind of crazy.
Super painful, but, uh, the good kind of pain, you know? - Goggles? - Check.
Call me Josh, by the way, and mind the face.
Kinda swollen.
I'm actually quite the looker back home.
- Hm.
- Shears? Check.
You ready? Okay.
Aaah!! I'm just messing with ya.
Here, let me.
Ah! Gross.
Whoo Sorry for stabbing you like that.
No biggie.
Thanks for your help.
- Think I know my way home now.
- Okay.
Cannot wait to clear these sinuses! Oh, it's okay.
Oh, my God.
It was kind of a weird one.
Guys, I missed one! There's another monster.
Yeah, we know.
He just left.
It was Jzz Josh.
Super nice guy, actually.
You mean this guy? Damn! - He was not kidding! - Mm.
Listen, team, team I'm sorry, okay? The game went on extra innings.
I got distracted.
Hm.
It's never going to happen again.
I promise.
You know, it's okay, actually.
We managed pretty okay on our own.
Yeah.
You're pretty good at this, you know that? Oh, wait.
What about all those dancing zombie people? Oh, don't worry about that.
Josh's power is like a cold.
Just sleep it off.
Like I'm about to.
I am exhausted! It has really been a day.
Okay, let's take these off.
Like, I can't believe we didn't see that at first.
I know, right? Oh, whose audition sucked the worst? Okay, you mean besides for all the dancing? Michelle was losing her mind.
Ah, yes! Some people were actually kind of surprising, though.
Hm.
So, tell me about your date.
Details.
It was good.
Uh-huh? - Okay, we kissed.
- What!? Oh, my God, my best friend got kissed! - That's right.
I got kissed! - I got kissed! - No way! - Yes, girl! Shut up! I am so stoked for you! Hey, what if we like each other for real, though? I don't think I could handle it.
Uh You'll be fine.
You just stabbed a guy for his rib.
Yeah, you're right.
Ah, God, we're cool.
Mm-hm.
We should get Matching tattoos! - I was thinking the same thing! - I was thinking the same thing! I knew you were.
I knew you were.
- No way! - Wait! - What? - Wait, I have a better idea.
Hm? Oh! And down.
Yeah, I know it's a monster thing, but I'm pretty good at it.
I would say.
What was that again? And drop! No, no, no.
More hips, more hips.
- Okay.
- Like Da-na-na-na-na, and That's the last of it.
Another spatial disturbance.
Weird.
You have paint on your face.
What do you want? You left these In the rec room.
I thought it was trash at first, but then I saw your name.
Hm.
Still You should keep them.
They're going to be worth something someday very soon.
Ho