Average Joe (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

1
- No, don't shoot!
Don't shoot--
Aah!
Ah--
♪
- Ha ha ha ha!
♪
- Ha!
- Shh, shh, shh.
- No, no, no.
No, no, no, nyet, nyet.
I want to see her.
♪
Aah!
♪
- I still can't believe
we didn't find
not one fuckin' dime
in that Lambo.
- Yeah, man, I was really
looking forward
to having some fuck-you money.
- Me, too, Touch.
Me, too.
- So what do we do now? Huh?
- Well, your mother
goes to work,
you go back to school, and
we all go back
to living our lives again.
- Okay, well,
that works for me.
- Yep. Me, too.
- Yeah.
- Fuck it.
- No--fuck that!
- No, fuck that!
That's what I meant, baby.
Fuck that!
- People came to our house
and tried to kill us.
We defended ourselves.
They don't do that type-a shit
unless it's real fuckin'
money out there.
- Hey
it's over, Cathy.
We're done.
- In case you forgot,
there's still an investigation
going on out there.
- Yeah. Touch is gonna
clear on that.
- Yeah, I can keep
the heat away.
- Okay, what about
the head, Joe?
- Yeah, Daddy.
What about my boyfriend's head?
- What about it?
Wasn't like he was alive
when we cut it off.
- Oh, my God!
That is not the point!
Jesus.
- Jenn!
- Leave me alone.
- Look, you do that
stomping away, walking away
shit one more time
- Leave me alone!
- You keep on walkin',
you hear me?
You keep on walkin'.
That white girl shit
she be doing--what the fuck
she be getting upset for?
- Just give her a second, okay?
- I ain't gon' keep
explaining to her
why we had to kill
that little motherfucker.
- Okay, well, that little
fucker was her first love.
- He didn't love her.
- Well, maybe not.
But she loved him,
and that's all that matters.
I know we all disappointed
about this motherfucking
money and shit.
It woulda changed all our
lives--I understand that.
But we have to accept the fact
that that money
ain't even out there, okay?
Probably never knows,
knowing my fuckin' father.
So you just gotta accept the
fact that it's not out there.
Go back to living your lives,
kay?
That's it.
Sorry.
It's fuckin' over.
- Nah.
It ain't fuckin' over.
♪
- Hey, Stan, Winny
- Hello, Joe.
- Hi.
- Joe,
what were you doing
in there?
- In here?
Using the bathroom.
- I knew it.
- Is there a problem?
- Joe, if you need to use
the toilet,
would you be kind enough
to use the one
at the gas station
around the corner?
- The gas station?
- Around the corner.
This is gonna be
our home, Joe.
How would you feel if Stan
and I came to your house
andmade a number two?
- Stan took like 40 shits
in my house.
- You count my shits?
- What?
- What?
- What?
- This isn't a debate.
It's a simple request. Please.
Do not use the bathroom
in our house.
If you can't honor that,
then we'll find someone
who can, okay?
Stan.
- Uh, yeah.
- And it was 43 shits.
Yeah, I counted.
Nasty motherfuckas.
♪
- The victim's name
is Dimitri Dzhugasvili,
son of Nicolai Dzhugasvili.
Is it something you wanna
share with the class,
Officer
- Hickey.
- Hickey.
- No.
- No.
Then shut the fuck up.
Now I wanna share.
I heard about your moms.
A dirty cop, right?
She's in prison
for killing her partner.
He found out
she was on the take
working for that
piece of shit on the screen,
and she killed him.
Ain't that right?
- It's bullshit.
She was set up.
- No. You're bullshit.
And so is this task force.
We clear our own cases
around here.
Why don't you go back
to the fuckin' staties?
- Nicolai Dzhugasvili
is the head
of an entire crime syndicate
that deals heavily in guns,
drugs, and sex trafficking.
Hit the streets.
Find me something.
Let's go.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
Perez, hey.
- Hey, Touch.
What's good?
- You, obviously.
You lookin' fit as fuck,
you handsome bastard.
You lose some weight?
- I been swimming.
Down 16 pounds.
Feel that.
- Yeah, it shows.
Hey, listen, um, how'd that
briefing go in there,
by the way?
I was supposed to sit in,
but I got stuck on a call.
- Not much to it.
Hickey was fuckin' with her
about her mom.
She's in the pen, you know,
for killing a cop.
- Yeah, it was her partner,
actually.
I heard about that.
He was on the take
or some shit.
She got any leads
on who may have
chopped that kid's head off?
- Not that she gave up.
She does think it's local,
though.
Gang-related, maybe Russian
retaliation or some shit.
- No shit.
- Listen, I got some steps
I gotta get in.
You good?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm good.
- All right.
- Hey, you.
- Don't ask if I'm okay.
- I wasn't going to.
- Why not?
Everyone else has.
- Your granddaddy
just burned up in a fire.
Your dad just
murdered your boyfriend.
I mean, I'm just saying,
if you were okay,
I'd be seriously fuckin'
worried.
- My parents don't like it
when you say the f-word
around me.
- Fuck that.
- Fuck that.
- Hey, Cathy,
what are you doing here?
Can I get you something
to go?
- A cup of coffee
would be nice.
But I think I'll have it
for here.
- Came all this way
for a cup of coffee?
- I was in the neighborhood.
- In the neighborhood.
- Mm-hmm.
- 'Scuse me, miss.
- Okay.
I got you.
UmI'll get you your coffee.
And you need anything, Jenn?
- Mom, I already had
two slices of pie.
No. I'm gonna get fat.
- You're not gonna get fat.
- Well, that was some
weird energy.
- I hate this place.
- Well, I was getting ready
to go do a little shoppin',
hmm?
Little splurge, hmm?
Because
shit, because I deserve it.
And you deserve
to have some fun too.
You should come with.
Don't worry about money.
Aunt Cathy got ya, girl.
- A shopping spree?
- Mm-hmm.
- With your money?
I'd love to be
anywhere but here,
but my mom would
never let me leave.
- Then don't ask her.
- What?
- You heard me.
She can't say no
if you don't ask her.
Besides, you are 18.
- Oh, my God!
- "With Aunt Cathy.
Love you."
Shit.
♪
- Hey, sergeant.
- Tuchawuski.
How's it hanging?
- Uh, a little to the left
today but, you know,
I like to mix it up down there.
Hey, Jimmy, Powers. Neat.
- You got it, Touch.
- You want anything?
- I'm good.
- So finding that head, huh?
That's some crazy fucking shit.
You don't see that
around here every day.
- Or anywhere.
- And it was Nicolai
Dzhugasvili's kid, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- So that narrows your suspect
list down to what, like 10,000?
Thanks.
- At least.
♪
- We're a far cry
from the Academy, aren't we?
You remember some of those
rookie hazings we took?
- Oh, man.
Don't say Cornflakes.
- Oh, fuck.
Cornflakes and molasses.
- Those assholes
stripped us to our underwear
then covered us in molasses
and Cornflakes.
And then made us
put our clothes back on
and forced us to walk
through Homewood.
- Oh, no, listen, I remember
every fucking minute of it.
Who knew that shit would set
like glue when it dried?
- Mmm.
- I nearly ripped
every fuckin' hair
outta my body
trying to take my clothes off.
- See, the trick
was to get in the shower
with your clothes on--that way
it dissolved the molasses.
- Ah, see, who knew that shit?
Me, I just
bled for three fuckin' hours.
- Ain't your mom
that cop-killing bitch?
- The fuck did you
just say to me?
- Hey! You got a fuckin'
problem, huh?
You wanna say somethin'?
Because I'm in the mood
to fuck somebody up right now,
so go ahead, say the word--
we can dance right now,
motherfuckers.
- Come on.
- Any day, motherfucker.
Any day.
Sorry about that.
Fuckin' jerkoffs.
- Shit's gettin' old.
- Yeah. I can imagine.
- Uh, two more.
Doubles.
- Now you're talkin'.
♪
- Oh--
- Oh!
Oh, Robbie.
All right,
let me take a look.
You're okay.
You're pretty tough, right?
Hey, don't forget,
tomorrow we are gonna
talk about the continents.
I wanna know which ones
are your favorites,
and which ones you and your
families have been to, okay?
all: Yes, Mrs. Miller.
- Thank you. Very good.
And I'm also lookin' forward
to meeting all y'all's parents
a little later today at the
Parent/Teacher conference.
But don't worry.
I only have great things
to say about all of you.
All right, bye, now.
Let's go.
Thank you.
You're so patient.
All right, head on out.
Oh, yep.
- Bye.
- Bye.
All right.
See you guys later.
- My mom
she was set up, you know.
- No shit.
Set up by who?
- By--
A real piece of shit.
- Well, I'm sorry.
I didn't know that.
- Me too.
You know, I--
- Ohfinally.
Gimme a second.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do your thing.
Go ahead.
- Talford.
Holy shit!
Okay. Let's start
calling around.
Find out if any local stores
sold a shit-ton of
peanut butter recently.
Look at Amazon and Instacart.
If someone's selling on Etsy,
I wanna talk to their ass too.
All right.
Gotta run,
but it was nice, Touchy.
- Yeah, you get something good?
- Oh, fuckin' A.
Kid's head was covered
in fuckin' peanut butter.
- Ah.
- Artisanal.
You do some checking for me?
- Yeah. I'll ask around, yeah.
Fucking Leon.
Good job, gentlemen.
That was perfect.
- Anytime, Touch.
You get what you needed?
- Oh, yeah.
Right on, boss.
- We specifically told you
to buy peanut butter
from different stores.
- Different goddamn stores!
- You also told me to find a
place that didn't have cameras.
I found the one store
in 10 miles that didn't have
a fucking camera.
- Obviously not.
- Where else was I
supposed to go?
- Why would you buy artisanal
fucking peanut butter?
Why wouldn't you buy
some regular shit niggas eat
like Skippy or Jiff
or some shit like that?
- It was all they had, okay?
It was some hippy-dippy place.
The guy running it looked like
his name was Blanket.
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait a minute.
Did you get that artisanal shit
from that raw food
hippy joint on the Strip?
- Yeah, so?
- So? Fuck! Leon,
that place has been robbed
a dozen times by high school
kids stealing beer.
I know for a fact
that they have a camera.
- No. No, no,
there is no way, okay?
'Cause I looked left, right,
side to side.
There was absolutely
no fucking camera there!
- Fuck. Fuckin' Leon.
We're fucked.
- Fuck!
- Oh, fuck, dude.
- Okay, it was-it was late,
I-I was panicking.
I musta missed it.
- Ya think?
Fuck!
What do we do now?
- No, no, no, hold on a second.
I know these kinds of cameras.
This is an older model,
so it doesn't upload
to the Cloud
or any shit like that.
It feeds directly
into a hard drive,
which is in the store.
So we just gotta
come back later
and steal the fuckin'
hard drive.
Are you fucking
kidding me with that?
Are you wearing
Dimitri's Cartier?
- I-I--
- Get the fuck outta here.
- I was afraid if Cathy
found it, she'd sell it.
- Facts. She will sell it.
- No, Cathy's
not gonna sell it.
It is fucking evidence, okay?
It's got Dimitri's
initials on it.
We're fucked if anybody
finds that on you.
Give it up. Come here.
- Come on, Touch!
- Give it up.
- I took it off the kid.
I should be able to keep it,
right?
- Leon, you give me that watch,
or I'll chop your fucking hand
off and take it off you myself.
- You're gettin' a little
too comfortable
with this choppin' shit up
stuff.
Fuck.
- Now I don't know
what time it is.
- It has just been
an absolute delight
having Jeroni in my class.
She is such a gifted
artist for her age.
You know,
she's a natural leader,
and, I'm sure you've noticed,
a girl boss in the making.
- Well, that is just
wonderful to hear.
Thank you so much
for your time.
- You are so welcome.
Thank you for coming in.
- Of course.
- Take care now.
I'm sorry, I thought
I'd met all the parents.
♪
My son has been killed.
I need my chameleon
to find out
what happened to him
and bring anyone
and everyone responsible
for his death
to me.
- That life
is forever behind me.
- Hmm.
- There is nothing you could
offer that would ever
bring me back to that world.
She is doing well.
Very smart.
Like her mother.
Bring me who killed my boy.
And I will bring
your daughter to you.
- I will find the people
who killed your son.
And when I do
you will give my daughter
back to me.
If not
I understand.
- Are you sure you
don't want something
more than a pop?
I mean, I'm not gonna
say nothing
if you order something
a little more adult.
- I don't know, I mean
aren't they gonna card me?
- Oh, my God, you got so
much of your mama in you, girl.
Nobody's gonna ask you
for your ID.
Besides, you out here
lookin' like a whole-ass woman
in these new clothes.
Come on, drink with me.
Hey, um1800 Tequila,
twice.
- Comin' right up.
- Ooh, girl, he fine as fuck.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.
- So
we're gonna be okay, right?
- Girl, we gon' be fine.
And once we find
this $10 million,
we gon' be even better.
Honey, this is gonna be
our everyday life.
- I'm pretty sure us looking
for that money is kinda over.
My mom wants us to get
back to our old lives.
- Ha. Girl, that's bullshit.
That is not what
your mama wants.
Thank you.
- No, II'd better not.
- Fine. Suit yourself.
Line 'em up.
Yeah, girl.
- Aunt Cath--
- Oh, shit.
Mm.
Whoo!
♪
So this was
where my Dimitri was living.
Bit of a shit-hole.
I thought I taught him better.
What the fuck is this?
Someone covers the mirror
and turn off the clock.
It has not been
40 days yet.
Don't want my Dimitri's soul
trapped in here.
- Teddy Washington's Towing.
- Go.
- You two. With me.
- Remember,
no one kills them but me.
♪
- Look, honey, your mama just
don't wanna tell you her real.
- What's her real?
- Her real--our real
is that, yes,
Dimitri was your boyfriend.
And I know you loved him,
but honey, he was bad news.
- You didn't know him.
- Ha. You know what I do know?
I know that you dodged
a bullet
with your dad doing
what he did.
If your pops hadn't made it
outta there alive,
Dimitri would have come
for you and your mom.
You wanna hate him
for what he did,
but you should be thanking him.
He did it because he loves you
more than anything.
And that's why
it's so important
that we keep looking
for all that money
not for me, but for you,
for your family.
Joe could start
his own plumbing business.
- You know Stan won't even
let him use his restroom?
- Gir--I wish Stan would
tell me I can't use it.
I will piss on his
bathroom floor.
And I could get Mom
outta that shitty diner.
- Outta there forever.
Goodbye and good riddance.
Shoot.
And get her healthy.
- The best doctors.
- The very best, okay?
"Grey's Anatomy" doctors, you
know what I'm talkin' about?
What about you?
What do you want?
What do you want?
I'm not talkin' about none
of that sugar-coated shit
that you would tell
your mom and dad.
You talkin' to me.
What do you really want?
- Really?
- Mm-hmm?
- I wanna become an actress.
- Oh, shit!
I never knew that.
- I mean, no one knows.
Dimitri knew.
- Mm.
Well, then that is exactly
what we gon' do.
After you graduate
from Carnegie,
we gon' get you signed up
for some acting classes, kay?
- I
I don't wanna go to college.
- Uh-uh.
- Aunt Cathy--
- No, no, no, no,
listen to me.
You are going
to fucking college.
You're the smartest girl
I know,
and you not gon' waste
that opportunity.
Butmaybe you can
go to New York,
take some acting classes
in the summers,
and then after you graduate,
you can go off,
do whatever you wanna do.
Move to California--become
the star you were meant to be.
The star you deserve to be.
Shit, maybe I'll come wit' you.
- Oh, we could live in Malibu.
Ooh. Or Bel-Air.
I feel like Bel-Air
might be more our style.
- Bel-Air!
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, Jenn, baby,
your best life is out there.
All we have to do
is find it.
- Jennifer. I have been
calling and texting all day.
Why didn't you tell me
you were leaving the diner?
What the hell is this?
You went shopping while I was
here, worried about you?
- I left you a note.
- You think I'm playing
with you, Jennifer?
- Mom
relax, okay?
I was just bored
and tired of smelling
scrapple all day.
So, you know,
Aunt Cathy took me shopping.
- People are dead, Jennifer.
You don't get to be bored.
And Cathy should know that.
The only thing
that you get to do
is what I tell you,
so if I tell you
to sit your behind in a booth
and act normal,
then flipping do it!
- I'm 18 now, Mom.
You can say "fuck."
- Well
if it helps to sink in,
Jennifer,
I don't give a fuck
that you're 18.
Do what the fuck I say.
Do youfucking understand me?
- Fuck, yeah!
I love you, Mom.
♪
- What the hell just happened?
♪
♪
It's not so bad.
♪
Same girl from
Dimitri's apartment.
Where is she going?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I am not
like fucking dog.
♪
♪
- Let's get in, grab
the hard drive, and get
the fuck outta there--bing.
- Bang.
- Bonk.
- It's boom, motherfucker--
bing, bang, boom.
- We said bonk in my house.
- No wonder
you're all fucked up.
- Fuck you, Touch.
- Fuck you.
- Hey, shut the fuck up.
Are we good?
- Yeah.
We're good.
- No, no, wait, wait.
Tuck the bottom of your pants
into your socks.
We leave no evidence.
Let's do this.
- Mask and gloves?
Ha.
- Yeah?
- I think we need to talk
some more about today.
Okay. Um
I shouldn't have left
the diner without telling you.
You're right, and I'm sorry.
- Yeah, okay, yeah.
Thank you.
What you workin' on?
That's nice, baby, but
I don't--I don't understand.
- I think we should still
look for the $10 million.
- Where is this coming from?
Because just a day ago,
you didn't wanna talk about
Dimitri or the money,
and now you want us
to look for it?
- I'm just trying to make
sense of all this, Mom.
I know that Dimitri
might have loved me,
might have been a bad guy.
And that's probably why
I was so attracted to him.
And I now know that Dad
did what he had to do for me.
I mean, for you, for us
because he had to.
So I think that's why we should
still look for the money
to help you guys.
This could be the logo
for Dad's new business.
And this is for you.
Don't just say no, okay?
Don't say that we're fine,
because we're not fine.
Please, just please tell me
you'll at least
think about it.
♪
- I'll think about it.
- Hmm?
- I'll think about it.
♪
- Shouldn't we park like
down the block or some shit?
- We're stealing the fucking
security footage.
- Good point.
- Let's go in and do this
quick.
- Okay.
- Mask on.
- I can't see shit.
- Because your mask
is too big.
- Well, switch with me.
You got a bigger head.
Your mask smells like
really nice.
What is that, lavender?
- Yeah, I try to do a little
something with my body wash.
- It's good man, it's masculine
but like really--
- Can you ladies
shut the fuck up
so we can do this?
- Touch
you know to pick this lock?
- Yeah.
Voila.
- Damn it.
Another break-in.
- You have reached
emergency 9-1-1.
Your call will be answered
in the order it was received.
Do not hang up.
- Touch and I'll find
the hard drive.
You keep your eye on the door.
Touch.
- Yeah. Go on ahead.
♪
It's probably those kids
trying to steal our chocolate
double IPA again.
What do you think?
Should we go try to scare
these little bastards?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Here.
Here, here, here.
Hey, where you going?
For last time,
I don't take order
from little girl.
Stop acting like pussy
and let us do the job
we are here to do.
- Never, never
gonna give you up ♪
I'm never,
never gonna stop ♪
♪
- Hey!
Yeah, I got it.
Uh, you know what?
Move some shit off that desk.
Make this look like
a burglary.
- Guys. Guys. Guys.
We have company,
and it's not the cops.
- How the fuck
did they find us?
- Fuck if I know.
- We gotta get--
- Shit!
- Come on!
- Stop the way
I feel about you ♪
Girl, I just can't
live without you ♪
I'm never ever
gonna quit-- ♪
♪
- Where are you?
We know you are here.
Where are you hiding?
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh!
- We won't hurt you.
We're your friends, huh?
- Yes, friends.
♪
- Don'tleave me
Please helphelp me
Help.
- Um
Aah
aah!
♪