Babylon (2014) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
1 I know you felt undermined by Finn, by Charlie.
I've decided to ask Finn for his resignation.
You think you'll have a bloodless coup.
Let me tell you, it's going to be very bloody.
~ His head's not right, man.
~ Warwick just needs some time off.
Life's hard, I get that.
Bloody hell! Welcome to Specialist Firearms Command.
Tomorrow morning there's gonna be a story in the national press about me.
Is there anything else I should know about? ~ We should just make a go of it.
Move in together.
~ Just wanna go home, to talk.
I suggested a deal.
Do you have authorisation to be shooting at a possible crime scene? I need you to confiscate that man's camera and any tapes.
Caroline emailed.
She's running with another story.
~ Another story? ~ The affair with your wife's sister.
Well, they are digging now, because this is all coming out.
This is Caroline Carey.
Please leave a message.
' Caroline, it's Liz.
5.
35 am.
Please don't use the Richard story.
Call me.
It's urgent.
It's Liz again.
6.
05.
If you value your contacts here, I urge to think long and hard about what this story could do.
We could talk about other options.
Right, shall we begin without him? What's the latest on the coffee shop bomber? We've got hold of some decent CCTV images.
Um I think we should release them to the press.
Liz, can we? SO15 need 12 to 20 more hours to work on the phone analysis.
It might give the maniac a head start.
Because we could get a positive ID in 20 minutes, not 20 hours, in time to stop him detonating another device and killing someone this time.
A grainy photo of man in coffee shop.
The only person who will ID that is the bomber and he won't be calling Crime Stoppers, will he? ~ Hello.
~ He'll accelerate his bombing campaign or just disappear.
I think we'll need to wait for the Commissioner's view.
What if the Commissioner's view is, "Why did you sit around on your arses waiting for me?" Oh, no.
I see.
Thank you.
What is it? It's Richard.
He's been, um They're saying he's been found Where? In the Thames.
I mean, I I just can't believe ~ Was there a note? ~ Nothing on the body.
~ Do we have a time? ~ I don't think the post mortem's been Well, it needs to be.
OK.
I'll get on to them.
Shit! Who's gonna handle the investigation if it turns out if there was foul play? What are the lines of enquiry? Republican dissidents? ~ Any other threats? ~ We don't have anything live.
~ We need to put out some kind of a press statement.
~ Can't we take half an hour? Do you think the national media will be taking half an hour? A great man has gone.
That's your press statement.
But first, I need to do the knock.
Well, I'm not having Jen find out from some spotty constable or Facebook.
Um another suspect package has been found at the coffee stand ~ in the Harrow Road.
~ Hello.
~ That's the same chain as the Thameside Centre.
~ Jesus! Right, one second.
It's Number Ten.
Ah Yeah, yes.
Right.
Sharon, can you do the knock? Uh, yes, of course.
~ Can you tell Jen I'll see her as soon as I can? ~ Uh-huh.
Liz, as soon as that's done you need to put a press statement out.
Finn, I'll need you on the bombings.
Thank you, everybody.
'Hello, this is Caroline Carey.
Please leave a message.
' Prime Minister? It's Liz again.
Please call me as soon as you can.
Whoa, whoa! I can'tI can't do this.
I just don't think I can do it.
The the knock.
OK.
What what is the problem? Um Oh, this is going to come as a shock to you, but Richard was a He enjoyed the company of women .
.
intensely.
~ He and I ~ Oh! Uh, we had a night together, six, seven years ago.
We were in the Hague for a Europol conference.
Um the Novotel.
It was just a night, although for a while, I thought it could have been more than that.
Although it's probably good No, it's definitely good that it wasn't.
Well, I've never said more than hello to his wife, but the look in her eye when she sees me.
He must have told her, and I don't think Richard's old flame should be the one to tell his wife her husband's dead.
OK, he, um he didn't tell her.
Richard wanted to protect Jennifer from everything.
That look in her eye is just your conscience looking back at you.
You are the perfect person to tell her, because you cared about him.
Thank you, Liz.
When you've done it, will you let me know, ~ because I need to speak to Jennifer? ~ OK.
You didn't sleep with him, did you? No.
OK, good.
I mean, not that it matters.
I mean, you could have.
It wouldn't make any difference to me.
I just wanted to know where we stand.
Everyone's outside.
The press release is ready.
I just can't believe this is actually happening.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
If you want we can do this later not that much later, but a bit.
No, it's fine.
It's just very, very sad, you know.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
Richard's why I'm here.
Just keep on doing what you do.
What you're best at doing.
~ That's what he would have wanted.
~ What he wanted was to drown himself.
I'm not sure he was too concerned with PR policy going forward.
~ We don't know for sure that it was suicide.
~ Yes, we do.
I do.
Richard was having sex with his physio and his sister-in-law ~ Fucking hell! ~ And the press found out about it.
Caroline Carey.
~ Richard knew.
~ Does Inglis know about this? You've got to tell him, and Finn.
You've got to I have to talk to Caroline Carey.
I have to I have to buy us some time.
I have to talk to Richard's wife and warn her about the article.
Right.
OK.
He called me late last night.
What did he say? I don't know.
I ignored the call.
I should have answered the call.
Maybe I could have I'm sure you couldn't.
Um not because you're not a very sensitive person and a great communicator, but .
.
because no-one could.
OK? Um Listen, I think you should talk to Inglis.
Hi, everyone.
Sorry to pull you from your desks, but there's news.
And I wanted you to hear it from me.
In breaking news, the body of London Police Commissioner Richard Miller was found in the River Thames early this morning.
At 7.
39am, his body was found by the Marine Policing Unit.
Initial unconfirmed reports indicate it may have been suicide.
We'll bring you more details as soon as we have them.
No way was it suicide.
What's your theory, then? Strangled by an angry eel? ~ Poisoned by the Russians.
~ You serious? See, I reckon he was out on the lash.
Tried to swim to the other side for a bet, and it all went wrong.
~ Poisoned, then drowned? ~ Well, belts and braces, innit? Nah.
I reckon he felt guilty about the bombing.
I hope he realised how much he'd fucked up our pension pot and did the decent thing.
Ah, not the pensions again, Banj.
Yeah, sorry.
I'm thinking about my future.
Is it all right if I do that for a bit? Sorry, is that so fucking mental? It's not mental, mate.
It's just incredibly fucking boring.
Suicide.
It's like a locked room.
I guess that's kind of the point.
Bloody hell.
Don't do it, Clarkey.
He could have been a secret homo.
Cos it does happen, you know.
Like them politicians, right, who jump into limos to go to Hampstead Heath to suck off tramps.
I've seen it.
I tell you what I don't get about gays though, right - I mean, who'd choose a dirty, smelly, stinking arsehole over a lovely, mmm, juicy pussy? ~ I mean, it don't make sense, does it? ~ Ah, Jesus! ~ How long are we gonna be guarding an empty coffee shop? ~ It's not empty.
There's a thrill seeker behind you having the world's most dangerous espresso.
~ Hmm.
~ Excuse me.
Hi, how you doing? Everything go OK with Banjo? ~ Yeah.
~ Good.
Great.
I mean, poor guy, but um great.
What about you and Sandy? Yeah, not bad.
She didn't smash anything.
Apart from my bust of Julius Caesar, but that was a replica, so 'Trojan 131, or any Trojan unit to assist local officers.
Bomb scene.
'MP.
Over.
' MP received by Trojan 131.
Jesus Christ! About thepussies and the arseholes Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy, tiger.
~ Nina took my fucking keys again.
Stupid bitch! ~ Oi.
Thing is, mate, Tony's gay.
Yeah, right(!) What 'im and that Black Arrow spend all night fucking each other ~ with left-handed screwdrivers? ~ No joke, mate.
For real.
Well, he don't look gay.
Yeah, well, they're not all Alan Carr Chatty Man.
~ See ya later.
~ Yeah.
On the bombings, the device was successfully disposed of and the phone search has yielded a hit.
They think they've traced the bomber to a houseboat.
Specialist Firearms are preparing for a raid.
~ What the fuck? ~ I have to take this.
"Top cop driven to suicide by multiple affairs"! What's this? Is this bullshit or? What the fuck's this? It's not bullshit.
I knew about it.
~ Richard knew about it, yesterday.
~ Yesterday? Why didn't you tell us about it yesterday? I tried to get the story buried.
Richard was in a very difficult situation which I Which you completely failed to get him out of.
His sister-in-law.
He was fucking his sister-in-law.
What should I have done? Flown around the earth and turned back time? ~ Arranged a private meeting where he could un-fuck her? ~ You could have asked for my help.
~ And you'd have done what, exactly? ~ I've known Caroline Carey for 15 years.
I could have talked to her.
Threatened her if, necessary.
Don't you think I have a file full of dirt on hacks like her? You wanted to save the world all by yourself.
You couldn't bear to ask your sidekick for help.
And we are where we are and Richard is where he is.
His sister-in-law and his physio? What a player! I didn't think someone his age would have the energy.
She must be a good physio.
I can't believe he thought he could get away with it.
I can't believe he was shagging that many birds but still wanted to kill himself.
So, listen, Tone.
I don't know if this was a wind-up, right, but .
.
but Banjo said you're gay.
Yeah.
I am, as it goes.
What? Well, you could have told me, man.
I mean, you made me look right a right twat, talking about pussy and arse and all that shit, and all that stuff I said about Elton John and the battymen.
So I have to announce I'm gay so that you don't forget to pretend not to be a homophobe? Well, yeah, because I ain't one of them, all right? Right.
What's it actually like, then? You know, bumming? Jesus Christ! An actual cock up your arsehole? ~ You ever had a bit of double trouble? ~ Eh?! ~ Skiing? ~ Oh, for fuck's sake! ~ What? False alarm.
Phoned in by a rival trainer shop round the corner.
Fucking timewasters! And who'd wanna bomb a shoe, apart from the fucking shoe bomber? Actually, you know what? Maybe I'd like to bomb their shoes, teach them a fucking lesson.
Banjo, we've only got room for one loose cannon, so we don't need you declaring jihad on sandals, all right? Yeah? ~ Hey, what's going on? ~ Ah, it's just pissin' me off.
Excuse me, sir.
I have reason to believe you're smoking a marijuana cigarette.
It's a fag.
That's an unacceptable homophobic expression.
~ I'm arresting you for that.
~ I ain't done nothing wrong! All right, Marco, don't shit your kit, mate.
It's me, innit? Robbie.
Fucking hell! Robbie from school.
Don't do that, mate - you proper got me, you little cun-stable, you! Shit, Hopwood.
Warwick's camera.
Kicking off in Victoria Park - houseboat raid - high priority.
Roger that.
We'll meet you over at the RVP as soon as this location has been secured.
What, you're calling in the bomb unit? Will do, yeah, if need be.
Heckler & Koch, MP5 submachine gun with 9-mil hollow-point ammo.
Can I have a go? Mate, I'm a highly trained firearms officer.
If you had a go, you'd probably end up shooting yourself in the arse or something.
You mug.
Shoot myself! ~ I'm Prestige Level 10, Call of Duty, yeah, Black Ops.
~ Yeah? Yeah, Warwick's conducting interviews at a rival sport shop, who may or may not have made a hoax threat.
Warwick's at another sports shop on his own, ~ and you're just here waiting for him? ~ That's right, yeah.
OK, well when Warwick's done with his secret mission, ~ get the fuck over there, OK? ~ Yes, sir.
Cheers, guv.
Jesus fucking Christ.
We need to do something.
We need to get him signed off.
What is the long-term plan here? Cardboard cut-out? Inflatable fucking Warwick in the back seat? The long-term plan is we take care of our own.
Unless you're more worried about Hopwood signing off on your sergeant's application? Oh, fuck off, Banj.
Ooh! Robbie Big-balls! Well, I'm glad you got yourself a big metal dick, cos last I remember, your real dick was like a tiny little worm.
At least that's what Tanya used to tell me.
Do you remember Tanya Tucker? Look, I'm just looking out for a mate.
What, getting him relieved of duty? How's that looking out for him? He almost broke his own fucking front door down this morning.
Is that the guy that you want back on the streets holding a gun? Why don't you suck on my big metal dick, huh? How about you suck on that? Go on.
How about that? Suck on that! You ain't saying much now, are ya? Hello, sir.
I just want to apologise for my colleague's over-familiar conduct just then.
~ If you do need to make a complaint ~ Yeah! I'm gonna provide you with a number that you can call, all right? ~ What the fuck? ~ Look, it's cool.
I know him from school, innit? ~ He's a twat.
He used to ~ I don't care how many wedgies he gave you.
He's an unarmed member of the public and you just threatened him with a loaded firearm.
If you ever do anything like that again, you're gonna be out the child seat straight down the fucking disposal chute.
Do you understand me? Do you understand me? All right.
OK.
Let me know when you're ready.
~ Yep, ready, boss.
~ Yep.
OK, don't get shot! Someone needs to talk to his wife.
Tell her never to switch on her TV or look at her phone, ever again.
The last person Jen needs to speak to is you.
I was doing my job.
My job was to protect Richard.
Well, I think we can safely say that isn't your job any more.
OK, the perimeter's secured and the firearms team is ready to go in.
Sir, I thought you should know a news portal has hacked into the drone feed.
~ Jesus Christ.
How did they get that? ~ I don't know.
Well, if it's out there, it's out there.
Well, this isn't meant to be fucking out there.
If this lunatic smothers his ball-bag in nitro-glycerine, I don't want his testicles exploding in 20 million faces.
Kill the feed.
~ Are you sure? ~ This is operational Moving in.
.
.
not public relations.
We don't need that footage.
~ We can fly blind.
Kill it.
~ Yes, sir.
Armed police! Armed police! Get down! Armed police! Armed police! Get out! Armed police! Get out! Get down! Get down now! Armed police! Bathroom's clear.
~ Clear.
~ Clear.
All clear.
Nothing happening.
He's been here, but I think he's buggered off.
There was definitely someone here.
Right, stand down.
OK.
Stand down.
Let's get EXPO in.
Well, perhaps the forensics will give us For fuck fucking's sake! Hello.
One second.
~ It's the Home Secretary.
~ Oh, Christ.
Yeah, we're just trying to locate him now, actually.
Just just give it to me.
Home Secretary? ~ All right? ~ Cheers.
There was a call-out today, and Hopwood came by and we had to cover for you.
Yeah, and we did a shit job, so sorry about that.
Yeah, look, I, um think that it might be time to look at ~ getting you signed off.
~ Signed off? Yeah, so that you can get some treatment or Treatment? What, you think I'm some sort of nutcase? No, we just want what's best for you, mate.
When you tell Hopwood that I can't handle it, do you think he'll be like, "Oh, that's fine Warwick, have a lie down.
Let me get you a cushion"? Or do you think he'll make sure I never pick up a gun again ~ in case I shoot someone's gran thinking they're Jack the fucking Ripper? ~ All right! ~ You need some proper time off to get your head straight.
~ This job is who I am.
It's not about the guns.
It's about the team.
It's about us.
I thought we were the fucking Avengers.
~ Aren't we? ~ Course we are.
Aren't we? Yeah.
Yeah, we're the fucking Avengers.
Issue a lockdown.
A man fitting his description was spotted near the houseboat.
"Bomber on the loose, police in turmoil" all over the front pages.
Fucking great.
It'd be a good day for the Queen to come out as gay and set herself on fire on The One Show.
~ Tom, can you arrange that? ~ Um ~ It's a joke.
Look, I don't think this necessarily reflects badly on you.
Some commentators are making a link that Richard was too preoccupied with personal issues and dropped the ball on the bomber.
Who wrote that? I'll issue a rebuttal.
~ We don't have time to issue rebuttals.
~ We need to make time.
Look, our job is to support the head of this force.
Yesterday that was Richard Miller.
Today it's Acting Commissioner Charles Inglis.
We could not save his life, but we can save his reputation.
What are you going to do with his reputation once you've saved it? Put a hat on it? Stand it in the corner and ask it to make operational decisions? The fact is, Richard's affairs, the bomber - ~ these are situations we inherited.
~ Meaning what, exactly? Meaning you can't libel the dead.
So, we make ourselves look whiter than white while we load up Richard's plate at the salad bar of shame? I knew Richard better than any of you.
He was one of my oldest friends.
But Finn's right.
We've got too much going on to focus on his legacy.
Sharon, I'd like you to personally spearhead the TSG operation at Victoria Park.
I don't want to tread on the Chief Superintendent's toes.
No, I need my best people on this, so ~ I'll walk you to your car.
~ Yes.
Liz, have you got a minute? So Charles and I have been thinking.
It might make sense to streamline things at the top of the department.
~ Streamline? ~ Yeah.
You and Richard were a great double act, and when great double acts end, going solo's always going to be difficult.
Art Garfunkel.
Liam Gallagher.
~ Frankenstein's monster.
Just some examples.
~ Right.
We all know how close you and Richard were.
If you're implying that we were having some sort of relationship, that's total bullshit.
I would never imply that.
I don't need to imply that, because I have Richard's mobile phone records.
This is from last night - "I need to talk to you.
" 22.
13.
~ "Call me.
" 22.
16.
~ Those were not romantic.
Funny how you didn't mention it when he was missing.
The thing is, Liz, I always think it's best to have a policy of transparency.
Are you threatening me? Are you firing me? Of course not.
The terms of your contract are clear and inarguable.
But if you were to decide that today was the day to move on, then that's a decision the Acting Commissioner would support, with the utmost regret.
Maybe you should go home until this all dies down.
We can say you needed some time off.
Let me know how you want to spin it.
'Hi, it's Davina.
Leave a message.
' Look, where are you? What the fuck's going on? Call me back.
The agent said if I didn't put down a deposit today, it would have gone like that.
You've got to move fast - the market's insane.
What, so you've actually moved out? Like, this is your flat? Our flat.
Right.
I mean, we didn't actually decide, but I mean, I haven't lived in a flat for, like, ten year.
Oh, my God.
Did you ram-raid a petrol station? Sorry, it's an air bed but .
.
the honeymoon suite awaits.
Nice.
Although you know my back.
Maybe we should go to a Premier Inn just for tonight? 'Hi, it's Davina.
Leave a message.
' Look, who is it? Is it one of your exes? Is it Chris - that slimy piece of shit? Trojan 131, or any Trojan.
Positive ID on a firearm at a nightclub, E3.
MP.
Over.
All received by Trojan 131.
Come on, Banjo.
Call me.
Let's rock and roll.
Young IC3 male.
Positive ID on a firearm.
Exterior nightclub.
Northside.
Over.
Call received.
Over.
Right, so no shots fired.
If you see a shooter, then challenge him.
But if you need to deal with it, then deal with it.
If you want, you can stay with the Trojan.
~ What, and look after your Thermos? ~ Piss off, mate.
I just meant ~ I'm on it.
Serious as cancer.
Rhythm is a dancer.
~ See? I told you he was good to go.
~ Sure, mate.
Right, Robbie, go red.
Warwick, cover ahead.
I'm gonna go green.
OK? Fucking hell! That's a bit heavy! ~ Clear the fucking arches! ~ Oh, fuck off.
Got two guys scrapping.
Get out of my fucking way! Get the fuck out the way! I can't see shit.
Move.
Fuckin' move! Move! Right, I've got pole position.
Robbie, stay right.
In position.
Get back.
~ Yo, what's going on? ~ I said, get back.
~ I just wanna get to the club.
~ I'm not gonna ask you again, all right? ~ This is an armed incident.
Get to the back of the arches.
~ Leave it out, man.
Was that a shot? Was that a shot? Dunno.
Moving in.
Warwick, is it a gun? Armed police! Put the weapon down now.
I've got the shot.
What the fuck is that, man? What's that? ~ What the fuck is that, bruv? ~ What? What the fuck, man? No.
What the fu?! Advance to the scene.
What the fuck? I had to take the shot.
You didn't take the shot.
I had to take the shot.
He's fucked! OK, just tell me what happened in your own words.
~ I was by the car.
~ We heard a shot.
There was a kid on the ground.
Yeah, you got another kid standing over him about to shoot.
~ He had a gun, but I didn't ~ Yeah, Warwick had visual on the gun.
Suspect was about to fire.
You could see that Warwick could see a gun? Yeah, he saw the gun, but he didn't have a clear shot.
~ But I did.
I took the shot.
~ After a verbal warning? After a verbal warning, yeah.
You murdering fuckers! Marmite, marmalade.
The two marms.
It's the English double whammy.
It's bitter, but surprisingly moreish.
Like me.
In the big picture, it's just a sidebar.
Everyone's talking about the suicide, the sister-in-law.
~ No-one'll pay any attention.
~ No-one except everyone who matters.
You could sue.
How long would that take? A year? Two? It's not going to save my reputation or my job.
Make a clean break of it, then.
Didn't the Deputy Mayor offer you a cool job? Yeah.
I don't think they'd take me now.
I'm toxic waste.
Besides, London Assembly, it's a bit Youth Parliament, isn't it? If it ceased to exist, would anyone notice for the first 12 months? It's Boris Bikes.
The Olympics.
Tube strikes.
You know, all that great shit.
You could always go back to Instagram.
I'm not going back to Instagram.
~ She was briefly employed here, as a physiotherapist.
~ Is that on the record? Yeah, of course.
I am the bloody record.
~ Can I quote you on that? ~ Hi, John? Yep, there is absolutely no evidence that the late Commissioner was involved in the bombing other than working hard to prevent it.
Mia Conroy.
'Is it true that?' Morning, everyone.
Unfortunately, Liz won't be coming in today.
She's not feeling well.
Norovirus.
She might be out for a few days.
Or a few weeks.
Or a few months.
So, if anyone has time, perhaps they can organise a whip-round for a bottle of Lucozade and some grapes.
~ So, Victoria Park lockdown.
~ You need to see this.
~ What? Fatal shooting outside a nightclub.
For fuck's sake.
Dead Commissioner, dead teenager.
Can everyone please just stop dying, just for a minute? ~ "Boy shot by armed cops.
" Not great.
~ No, no, no, no.
Look, look - "Criminal brandishing lethal weapon taken down "by armed officers using appropriate force "to protect innocent members of the public.
" ~ That's your headline.
There are no dead boys in this story.
~ The photo's just come through.
He does look sort of boyish.
~ "Boy" to me is five or younger.
Has this gone out yet? ~ No, we need to sign off on it.
Source another photo.
A more grown-up one.
Feel free to photoshop on a beard, or at least some stubble.
~ I'm shitting you.
~ Right.
Look.
The headline is, "Good guys don't carry guns.
" Unless they're us.
And see what background you can dig up.
~ We need to give the full context.
Yes? ~ Yes.
~ Yes.
Mia Conroy.
All right, we're going to go live now to our reporter, Jonah Hull, who's at the scene of the shooting.
Jonah, is this turning into the worst week in Scotland Yard's history? Well, it certainly seems that way.
The Thameside Bomber is still at large, and of course earlier, we heard about Commissioner Richard Miller's apparent suicide.
And now in the early hours of this morning, outside this warehouse, a black teenager has been shot and killed by armed police.
Intelligence from within the force suggests that Karl Jeffries, who had a history of involvement with drugs and gangs, was armed and considered dangerous They are briefing against the victim.
.
.
may have been linked to an ongoing dispute between rival gangs Oh, the gangsta powers.
Why not go all the way and just photoshop him standing between Tupac and Biggie? God! Finn is ripping up everything Richard tried to do.
Twenty-four hours, it will all be gone.
Ahh, don't tell me, let me guess.
~ Saint Richard, the Sacred Shagger? ~ Don't! Acting Commissioner Charles Inglis is yet to make a statement about the shooting.
~ Mia Conroy.
~ 'Hi, Mia, Sam.
Listen, er, I' Right, listen.
A challenging time for us all at Scotland Yard.
Not "crisis", not "freefall" and certainly not "meltdown".
Yep.
Hi, Mum, can I call you back? It's not a good time.
OK.
Mia Conroy.
Why are you briefing against a dead 17-year-old? ~ Oh, hi, Liz.
~ How does Finn think it's going to play out when a few "drug convictions" and "gang connections" turns into one caution for cannabis and a few dodgy friends in an area where everyone's friends are dodgy? Well, I guess the thinking was to limit the damage of the "boy" angle.
Age isn't the angle.
It's "black teenager" - emphasis on "black".
The tale as old as time - the institutionally racist police.
Actually, one of the officers involved was black.
I'm sending you his details.
Maybe that's a good approach? "We are a multiracial police force and a multiracial team was involved in the incident.
" This might sound weird I'm not actually 100% on whether or not he's black.
Well, he's definitely black.
Or mixed race.
But I mean, mixed race is black, isn't it? I mean, my gut feeling when I looked at this picture was - black guy.
That's the test, isn't it? I don't think that's the official UN procedure, no.
Maybe he's Asian? Or Greek? Like Dappy from N-Dubz? I think if we claimed the Greeks as multiracial, we'd get shafted by everyone, including the Greeks.
~ Can we call him? ~ And ask if he's black? ~ Are we allowed to do that? ~ No, we are not allowed to do that.
Oh, he's Turkish.
The opposite of Greek.
The point is, let's not make mistake 101 - smearing the dead guy.
I'll send you a draft of a new statement.
~ OK, but Finn ~ Mia.
I have always thought you had big balls.
Now is the moment to grab those balls with both hands.
Right.
Look, just help me do the right thing.
Please? Hi, I'm Matt Coward from Matt Coward Productions.
Is Liz Garvey available? I have an exciting proposal I'd like to show her.
~ I'm afraid Liz is off sick.
~ Lovesick? What? It's in the papers.
Come to pay your respects, have you? I'm first in line, matey-boy.
Miles.
Great to see you.
Two words.
Fuck off.
Three more.
Go fuck yourself.
So it's a lockdown for three square miles.
All public and private transport is suspended.
We're asking you lot to team up with specialist firearms for house-to-house search.
Must have a good sniff if they're sending top brass to mix it up with the grunts.
Now, City Hall are making us sweat.
If we don't find him in a few hours, we'll have to lift the cordon.
The guy you're looking for could be a walking bomb.
So be careful.
So, beds I know Ikea's a bit '90s, but it's cheap and everyone loves a Swedish meatball and some mini Daim bars.
~ It's Banjo.
~ What's that, call number 20? You need to put up a Chinese wall.
How about we play, "first to find the psycho gets to finger Davs"? So I'll be doing all the work and fingering myself, as per usual.
I've got to take this.
Look I I can't really talk at the minute.
'Shot a kid.
' What? 'It was dark and Warwick was, er 'He was only a kid and I shot him.
' I killed a kid, Davs.
A peaceful, quiet East London neighbourhood which had been enjoying a perfectly normal day has suddenly become the centre of an intense police manhunt.
Sorry to bother you.
We're just asking a few questions If I leave now, everyone's gonna say that he wasn't right in the head, that he was under emotional strain.
Maybe he was? Maybe if I hadn't Oh, so it's your fault he pulled the trigger now? Or is it mine? ~ No, I'm just saying ~ I'm not saying it's not horrible.
But he's using it to emotionally blackmail you, and it's working a treat.
Clarkey, he's under investigation.
He'll lose his job.
He'll lose everything.
Excuse me, sir, you're not permitted to leave the premises.
I need to go to work.
Look, I'm late for a meeting.
There's a lockdown on the area.
~ Has anyone tried to come to the door, enter the property? ~ No.
Well, if you see anything suspicious, let us know, yeah.
Look, I know he's under investigation, but can't you see this from my point of view? Clarkey, this is really stressful for him.
Can you not see that? So what you gonna do? I don't know.
Boys.
~ All right, mate? ~ What the fuck's this? White wine spritzer.
I just thought What - you thought, I'm gay, so I must drink white wine? Well, it's still a pint, innit? Fuck off.
What are you all gonna say to the IPCC? Banj, you know we're not supposed to consult ~ before the one-on-ones.
~ We're not consulting.
Consulting is like when you see a specialist about your ankle.
We're just chatting over a pint.
No-one said you can't have a nice chat.
I'm just gonna tell 'em what happened.
I saw him pointing something at the other kid's head, but I couldn't tell if what he was holding.
What do you mean, you couldn't tell what he was holding? It weren't a crayon, or a green pepper.
It was a gun.
Yeah, I saw I saw the gun.
Right in his hand.
Definite gun.
I can't believe I missed it.
You've just got to trust your judgement, right? It was noisy, it was dark.
But there was a gun.
That's the headline.
Look, it's important we stick together.
OK? You mean, tell the truth as we remember it? Yeah.
Which, since we all saw the same thing, means sticking together.
~ What the fuck are you doing here? ~ Why shouldn't I be here? ~ Cos I sacked you.
Remember that? Well, who died and left you all the cops? It's a new era.
Why shouldn't I get access? I earned my access with years of lugging cameras around the North Circular filming tax disc dodgers.
You want a piece of my action? Pay your fucking dues.
And get out of my way while I sort out the mess you've made.
It's Finn, yeah? ~ What the fuck is this? ~ It's just a different angle.
It reads like a newsletter of the Karl Jeffries Fan Site.
~ Look.
It's Liz.
She just wants ~ She wanted what? We're in front of the firing line and she wants to clean the barrels and load the bullets? I guess she didn't want anything to mushroom.
Look.
Liz is sick.
Right? She's so sick, she's dead.
Consider this her last will and testament.
This is not an art-house movie where everyone gets a point of view.
OK? It's a western.
Black hats versus white hats.
There's no grey in a newspaper headline.
Anything that makes our hat whiter and their hat blacker, that's our job.
That's what we do.
And there are no racial connotations to the hat colours.
That's just the colours they come in.
~ Fuck you! ~ No, fuck you! ~ Fuck you! Hey, hey, hey.
HEY! If you two don't leave the building immediately, I'm calling the police.
And I can guarantee you they'll come pretty fucking quickly.
In the last few moments, police have surrounded this house here in the Victoria Park area after a neighbour made reports of suspicious activities.
Stop filming! Get back.
We've been told that the bomber is hiding inside.
What we don't know is whether he has any explosive devices with him, or to what lengths the police are prepared to go to make an arrest.
~ Charles? ~ What's the situation? The ARV are calling out the suspect.
That could take hours.
We need a result.
They need to go in now.
Into a potential bomb factory? No, we should be focusing on evacuating the neighbouring properties and facilitating a gentle exit.
Gentle exit? What did you have in mind? Building him a waterslide from the second floor? With all due respect, sir, you asked me to personally take charge of this operation and that is what I intend to do.
Jesus Christ.
Mia Conroy.
I've been trying to get a hold of you for an hour.
"Sources at Scotland Yard have refused to quash suspicions "of the distractions of Miller's chaotic private life "were a factor in his handling of the bombing.
" What are Inglis and Finn going to do next - frame Richard for an unsolved paedo murder? And where is our press release on the shooting? ~ Finn spiked that.
~ Well, unspike it.
Liz, look, I know you're still officially my boss, but the thing is that Finn's here and you're not and he sort of said I'm not supposed to talk to you.
Sorry.
~ Hi.
~ Hi.
A tense stand-off has effectively become a siege with no clear end in sight.
Police negotiators are attempting to communicate with the Harry! Harry! He's coming out.
Get behind.
This is not a surrender.
This is a warning call to capitalists and their armed dogs.
We understand that, son.
Walk into the road.
Do a 360 turn.
Assistant Commissioner, you must be relieved that you've managed to arrest the suspect without any further casualties.
I'd like to thank the residents of Victoria Park for their co-operation.
Didn't you two search that house? Yeah, we, er yeah, we did.
So how was it then, Clarkey? Too busy trying to cop a look at Geordie tits ~ to notice a bloke with a bomb up his arsehole? ~ Listen.
Just because I've got tits doesn't mean I can't do me job and I can do it a fuck's sight better than you, so fuck off, all right? We were able to reach out to the suspect's parents.
We felt it was important to facilitate a gentle exit in such a densely populated area.
"Keeping London's streets safe.
" It's a win.
Oh, yeah, it's a win.
A win for Assistant Commissioner Sharon Franklin.
To quote John Rawls What the fuck? Let's get straight to it.
What is your response to these rumours Can she do this? Is she allowed to do this? .
.
that you were part of Richard Miller's complicated private life? The Commissioner and I never had anything more than a professional relationship.
And whatever issues he might have been struggling with in his final days, he never let them impact on the decisions he made or the actions he took to keep this city safe.
Richard's legacy for London is something worth fighting for and It's a bit written for my taste.
Well, you talk about legacy.
Is that legacy reflected in the way you've handled today's tragic events? There are suggestions that your PR department, your PR department Didn't Thatcher do this? Just turn up on the news one day? Yeah, Thatcher also got ousted because she pissed off everyone she worked with.
.
.
I'm glad that you asked it and I will answer in full.
First, I want to apologise to the family of Karl Jeffries for the way he's been portrayed in certain sections of the media.
The details of the incident are not yet entirely clear, but he is a dead 17-year-old boy who at this point has not been accused of any crime.
Just because the man who shot him was wearing a police badge doesn't mean he did the right thing.
He's not infallible.
The Commissioner was not infallible.
I am not infallible.
All I can do is what Richard did, which is the right thing, even when the right thing is impossible.
Nice.
That's nice.
If we try to get rid of her now, we're going to look like a racist Darth Vader trying to drown Luke Skywalker in a bag with some kittens.
.
.
Acting Commissioner Inglis has asked me to personally handle all the press on the IPCC investigation going forward.
Oh, have I? That's very nice of me.
Do you think your position as the head of PR is still tenable? My position was to protect Richard, and I did not do my job as well as I could have.
But I know that he would have wanted me to continue.
And that is what I intend to do, with total, unwavering commitment.
OK, well you've got to look She can crown herself the People's Princess for all I care.
Her little Diana act doesn't mean shit.
I know what you're thinking But I'm not your property No matter what you say No matter what you say Move along There's nothing left to see Just a body Nothing left to see Thanks for coming in, Liz.
Great to see you again.
Thanks very much, Dermot.
My lifestyle's terribly wild But you'll never catch me on the Jeremy Kyle Show Explosive, terrorist style Don't think I'mma blow I'll get you therapy now, whoa I missed school and I haven't got a job yet My girl's pissed My daughter's on the way I went clubbing till my world was revolving Pretty women and alcohol here I ride this motherfuckin' beat like a tractor I ride this motherfuckin' beat like a train Choo-choo, go hard, go faster
I've decided to ask Finn for his resignation.
You think you'll have a bloodless coup.
Let me tell you, it's going to be very bloody.
~ His head's not right, man.
~ Warwick just needs some time off.
Life's hard, I get that.
Bloody hell! Welcome to Specialist Firearms Command.
Tomorrow morning there's gonna be a story in the national press about me.
Is there anything else I should know about? ~ We should just make a go of it.
Move in together.
~ Just wanna go home, to talk.
I suggested a deal.
Do you have authorisation to be shooting at a possible crime scene? I need you to confiscate that man's camera and any tapes.
Caroline emailed.
She's running with another story.
~ Another story? ~ The affair with your wife's sister.
Well, they are digging now, because this is all coming out.
This is Caroline Carey.
Please leave a message.
' Caroline, it's Liz.
5.
35 am.
Please don't use the Richard story.
Call me.
It's urgent.
It's Liz again.
6.
05.
If you value your contacts here, I urge to think long and hard about what this story could do.
We could talk about other options.
Right, shall we begin without him? What's the latest on the coffee shop bomber? We've got hold of some decent CCTV images.
Um I think we should release them to the press.
Liz, can we? SO15 need 12 to 20 more hours to work on the phone analysis.
It might give the maniac a head start.
Because we could get a positive ID in 20 minutes, not 20 hours, in time to stop him detonating another device and killing someone this time.
A grainy photo of man in coffee shop.
The only person who will ID that is the bomber and he won't be calling Crime Stoppers, will he? ~ Hello.
~ He'll accelerate his bombing campaign or just disappear.
I think we'll need to wait for the Commissioner's view.
What if the Commissioner's view is, "Why did you sit around on your arses waiting for me?" Oh, no.
I see.
Thank you.
What is it? It's Richard.
He's been, um They're saying he's been found Where? In the Thames.
I mean, I I just can't believe ~ Was there a note? ~ Nothing on the body.
~ Do we have a time? ~ I don't think the post mortem's been Well, it needs to be.
OK.
I'll get on to them.
Shit! Who's gonna handle the investigation if it turns out if there was foul play? What are the lines of enquiry? Republican dissidents? ~ Any other threats? ~ We don't have anything live.
~ We need to put out some kind of a press statement.
~ Can't we take half an hour? Do you think the national media will be taking half an hour? A great man has gone.
That's your press statement.
But first, I need to do the knock.
Well, I'm not having Jen find out from some spotty constable or Facebook.
Um another suspect package has been found at the coffee stand ~ in the Harrow Road.
~ Hello.
~ That's the same chain as the Thameside Centre.
~ Jesus! Right, one second.
It's Number Ten.
Ah Yeah, yes.
Right.
Sharon, can you do the knock? Uh, yes, of course.
~ Can you tell Jen I'll see her as soon as I can? ~ Uh-huh.
Liz, as soon as that's done you need to put a press statement out.
Finn, I'll need you on the bombings.
Thank you, everybody.
'Hello, this is Caroline Carey.
Please leave a message.
' Prime Minister? It's Liz again.
Please call me as soon as you can.
Whoa, whoa! I can'tI can't do this.
I just don't think I can do it.
The the knock.
OK.
What what is the problem? Um Oh, this is going to come as a shock to you, but Richard was a He enjoyed the company of women .
.
intensely.
~ He and I ~ Oh! Uh, we had a night together, six, seven years ago.
We were in the Hague for a Europol conference.
Um the Novotel.
It was just a night, although for a while, I thought it could have been more than that.
Although it's probably good No, it's definitely good that it wasn't.
Well, I've never said more than hello to his wife, but the look in her eye when she sees me.
He must have told her, and I don't think Richard's old flame should be the one to tell his wife her husband's dead.
OK, he, um he didn't tell her.
Richard wanted to protect Jennifer from everything.
That look in her eye is just your conscience looking back at you.
You are the perfect person to tell her, because you cared about him.
Thank you, Liz.
When you've done it, will you let me know, ~ because I need to speak to Jennifer? ~ OK.
You didn't sleep with him, did you? No.
OK, good.
I mean, not that it matters.
I mean, you could have.
It wouldn't make any difference to me.
I just wanted to know where we stand.
Everyone's outside.
The press release is ready.
I just can't believe this is actually happening.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
If you want we can do this later not that much later, but a bit.
No, it's fine.
It's just very, very sad, you know.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
Richard's why I'm here.
Just keep on doing what you do.
What you're best at doing.
~ That's what he would have wanted.
~ What he wanted was to drown himself.
I'm not sure he was too concerned with PR policy going forward.
~ We don't know for sure that it was suicide.
~ Yes, we do.
I do.
Richard was having sex with his physio and his sister-in-law ~ Fucking hell! ~ And the press found out about it.
Caroline Carey.
~ Richard knew.
~ Does Inglis know about this? You've got to tell him, and Finn.
You've got to I have to talk to Caroline Carey.
I have to I have to buy us some time.
I have to talk to Richard's wife and warn her about the article.
Right.
OK.
He called me late last night.
What did he say? I don't know.
I ignored the call.
I should have answered the call.
Maybe I could have I'm sure you couldn't.
Um not because you're not a very sensitive person and a great communicator, but .
.
because no-one could.
OK? Um Listen, I think you should talk to Inglis.
Hi, everyone.
Sorry to pull you from your desks, but there's news.
And I wanted you to hear it from me.
In breaking news, the body of London Police Commissioner Richard Miller was found in the River Thames early this morning.
At 7.
39am, his body was found by the Marine Policing Unit.
Initial unconfirmed reports indicate it may have been suicide.
We'll bring you more details as soon as we have them.
No way was it suicide.
What's your theory, then? Strangled by an angry eel? ~ Poisoned by the Russians.
~ You serious? See, I reckon he was out on the lash.
Tried to swim to the other side for a bet, and it all went wrong.
~ Poisoned, then drowned? ~ Well, belts and braces, innit? Nah.
I reckon he felt guilty about the bombing.
I hope he realised how much he'd fucked up our pension pot and did the decent thing.
Ah, not the pensions again, Banj.
Yeah, sorry.
I'm thinking about my future.
Is it all right if I do that for a bit? Sorry, is that so fucking mental? It's not mental, mate.
It's just incredibly fucking boring.
Suicide.
It's like a locked room.
I guess that's kind of the point.
Bloody hell.
Don't do it, Clarkey.
He could have been a secret homo.
Cos it does happen, you know.
Like them politicians, right, who jump into limos to go to Hampstead Heath to suck off tramps.
I've seen it.
I tell you what I don't get about gays though, right - I mean, who'd choose a dirty, smelly, stinking arsehole over a lovely, mmm, juicy pussy? ~ I mean, it don't make sense, does it? ~ Ah, Jesus! ~ How long are we gonna be guarding an empty coffee shop? ~ It's not empty.
There's a thrill seeker behind you having the world's most dangerous espresso.
~ Hmm.
~ Excuse me.
Hi, how you doing? Everything go OK with Banjo? ~ Yeah.
~ Good.
Great.
I mean, poor guy, but um great.
What about you and Sandy? Yeah, not bad.
She didn't smash anything.
Apart from my bust of Julius Caesar, but that was a replica, so 'Trojan 131, or any Trojan unit to assist local officers.
Bomb scene.
'MP.
Over.
' MP received by Trojan 131.
Jesus Christ! About thepussies and the arseholes Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy, tiger.
~ Nina took my fucking keys again.
Stupid bitch! ~ Oi.
Thing is, mate, Tony's gay.
Yeah, right(!) What 'im and that Black Arrow spend all night fucking each other ~ with left-handed screwdrivers? ~ No joke, mate.
For real.
Well, he don't look gay.
Yeah, well, they're not all Alan Carr Chatty Man.
~ See ya later.
~ Yeah.
On the bombings, the device was successfully disposed of and the phone search has yielded a hit.
They think they've traced the bomber to a houseboat.
Specialist Firearms are preparing for a raid.
~ What the fuck? ~ I have to take this.
"Top cop driven to suicide by multiple affairs"! What's this? Is this bullshit or? What the fuck's this? It's not bullshit.
I knew about it.
~ Richard knew about it, yesterday.
~ Yesterday? Why didn't you tell us about it yesterday? I tried to get the story buried.
Richard was in a very difficult situation which I Which you completely failed to get him out of.
His sister-in-law.
He was fucking his sister-in-law.
What should I have done? Flown around the earth and turned back time? ~ Arranged a private meeting where he could un-fuck her? ~ You could have asked for my help.
~ And you'd have done what, exactly? ~ I've known Caroline Carey for 15 years.
I could have talked to her.
Threatened her if, necessary.
Don't you think I have a file full of dirt on hacks like her? You wanted to save the world all by yourself.
You couldn't bear to ask your sidekick for help.
And we are where we are and Richard is where he is.
His sister-in-law and his physio? What a player! I didn't think someone his age would have the energy.
She must be a good physio.
I can't believe he thought he could get away with it.
I can't believe he was shagging that many birds but still wanted to kill himself.
So, listen, Tone.
I don't know if this was a wind-up, right, but .
.
but Banjo said you're gay.
Yeah.
I am, as it goes.
What? Well, you could have told me, man.
I mean, you made me look right a right twat, talking about pussy and arse and all that shit, and all that stuff I said about Elton John and the battymen.
So I have to announce I'm gay so that you don't forget to pretend not to be a homophobe? Well, yeah, because I ain't one of them, all right? Right.
What's it actually like, then? You know, bumming? Jesus Christ! An actual cock up your arsehole? ~ You ever had a bit of double trouble? ~ Eh?! ~ Skiing? ~ Oh, for fuck's sake! ~ What? False alarm.
Phoned in by a rival trainer shop round the corner.
Fucking timewasters! And who'd wanna bomb a shoe, apart from the fucking shoe bomber? Actually, you know what? Maybe I'd like to bomb their shoes, teach them a fucking lesson.
Banjo, we've only got room for one loose cannon, so we don't need you declaring jihad on sandals, all right? Yeah? ~ Hey, what's going on? ~ Ah, it's just pissin' me off.
Excuse me, sir.
I have reason to believe you're smoking a marijuana cigarette.
It's a fag.
That's an unacceptable homophobic expression.
~ I'm arresting you for that.
~ I ain't done nothing wrong! All right, Marco, don't shit your kit, mate.
It's me, innit? Robbie.
Fucking hell! Robbie from school.
Don't do that, mate - you proper got me, you little cun-stable, you! Shit, Hopwood.
Warwick's camera.
Kicking off in Victoria Park - houseboat raid - high priority.
Roger that.
We'll meet you over at the RVP as soon as this location has been secured.
What, you're calling in the bomb unit? Will do, yeah, if need be.
Heckler & Koch, MP5 submachine gun with 9-mil hollow-point ammo.
Can I have a go? Mate, I'm a highly trained firearms officer.
If you had a go, you'd probably end up shooting yourself in the arse or something.
You mug.
Shoot myself! ~ I'm Prestige Level 10, Call of Duty, yeah, Black Ops.
~ Yeah? Yeah, Warwick's conducting interviews at a rival sport shop, who may or may not have made a hoax threat.
Warwick's at another sports shop on his own, ~ and you're just here waiting for him? ~ That's right, yeah.
OK, well when Warwick's done with his secret mission, ~ get the fuck over there, OK? ~ Yes, sir.
Cheers, guv.
Jesus fucking Christ.
We need to do something.
We need to get him signed off.
What is the long-term plan here? Cardboard cut-out? Inflatable fucking Warwick in the back seat? The long-term plan is we take care of our own.
Unless you're more worried about Hopwood signing off on your sergeant's application? Oh, fuck off, Banj.
Ooh! Robbie Big-balls! Well, I'm glad you got yourself a big metal dick, cos last I remember, your real dick was like a tiny little worm.
At least that's what Tanya used to tell me.
Do you remember Tanya Tucker? Look, I'm just looking out for a mate.
What, getting him relieved of duty? How's that looking out for him? He almost broke his own fucking front door down this morning.
Is that the guy that you want back on the streets holding a gun? Why don't you suck on my big metal dick, huh? How about you suck on that? Go on.
How about that? Suck on that! You ain't saying much now, are ya? Hello, sir.
I just want to apologise for my colleague's over-familiar conduct just then.
~ If you do need to make a complaint ~ Yeah! I'm gonna provide you with a number that you can call, all right? ~ What the fuck? ~ Look, it's cool.
I know him from school, innit? ~ He's a twat.
He used to ~ I don't care how many wedgies he gave you.
He's an unarmed member of the public and you just threatened him with a loaded firearm.
If you ever do anything like that again, you're gonna be out the child seat straight down the fucking disposal chute.
Do you understand me? Do you understand me? All right.
OK.
Let me know when you're ready.
~ Yep, ready, boss.
~ Yep.
OK, don't get shot! Someone needs to talk to his wife.
Tell her never to switch on her TV or look at her phone, ever again.
The last person Jen needs to speak to is you.
I was doing my job.
My job was to protect Richard.
Well, I think we can safely say that isn't your job any more.
OK, the perimeter's secured and the firearms team is ready to go in.
Sir, I thought you should know a news portal has hacked into the drone feed.
~ Jesus Christ.
How did they get that? ~ I don't know.
Well, if it's out there, it's out there.
Well, this isn't meant to be fucking out there.
If this lunatic smothers his ball-bag in nitro-glycerine, I don't want his testicles exploding in 20 million faces.
Kill the feed.
~ Are you sure? ~ This is operational Moving in.
.
.
not public relations.
We don't need that footage.
~ We can fly blind.
Kill it.
~ Yes, sir.
Armed police! Armed police! Get down! Armed police! Armed police! Get out! Armed police! Get out! Get down! Get down now! Armed police! Bathroom's clear.
~ Clear.
~ Clear.
All clear.
Nothing happening.
He's been here, but I think he's buggered off.
There was definitely someone here.
Right, stand down.
OK.
Stand down.
Let's get EXPO in.
Well, perhaps the forensics will give us For fuck fucking's sake! Hello.
One second.
~ It's the Home Secretary.
~ Oh, Christ.
Yeah, we're just trying to locate him now, actually.
Just just give it to me.
Home Secretary? ~ All right? ~ Cheers.
There was a call-out today, and Hopwood came by and we had to cover for you.
Yeah, and we did a shit job, so sorry about that.
Yeah, look, I, um think that it might be time to look at ~ getting you signed off.
~ Signed off? Yeah, so that you can get some treatment or Treatment? What, you think I'm some sort of nutcase? No, we just want what's best for you, mate.
When you tell Hopwood that I can't handle it, do you think he'll be like, "Oh, that's fine Warwick, have a lie down.
Let me get you a cushion"? Or do you think he'll make sure I never pick up a gun again ~ in case I shoot someone's gran thinking they're Jack the fucking Ripper? ~ All right! ~ You need some proper time off to get your head straight.
~ This job is who I am.
It's not about the guns.
It's about the team.
It's about us.
I thought we were the fucking Avengers.
~ Aren't we? ~ Course we are.
Aren't we? Yeah.
Yeah, we're the fucking Avengers.
Issue a lockdown.
A man fitting his description was spotted near the houseboat.
"Bomber on the loose, police in turmoil" all over the front pages.
Fucking great.
It'd be a good day for the Queen to come out as gay and set herself on fire on The One Show.
~ Tom, can you arrange that? ~ Um ~ It's a joke.
Look, I don't think this necessarily reflects badly on you.
Some commentators are making a link that Richard was too preoccupied with personal issues and dropped the ball on the bomber.
Who wrote that? I'll issue a rebuttal.
~ We don't have time to issue rebuttals.
~ We need to make time.
Look, our job is to support the head of this force.
Yesterday that was Richard Miller.
Today it's Acting Commissioner Charles Inglis.
We could not save his life, but we can save his reputation.
What are you going to do with his reputation once you've saved it? Put a hat on it? Stand it in the corner and ask it to make operational decisions? The fact is, Richard's affairs, the bomber - ~ these are situations we inherited.
~ Meaning what, exactly? Meaning you can't libel the dead.
So, we make ourselves look whiter than white while we load up Richard's plate at the salad bar of shame? I knew Richard better than any of you.
He was one of my oldest friends.
But Finn's right.
We've got too much going on to focus on his legacy.
Sharon, I'd like you to personally spearhead the TSG operation at Victoria Park.
I don't want to tread on the Chief Superintendent's toes.
No, I need my best people on this, so ~ I'll walk you to your car.
~ Yes.
Liz, have you got a minute? So Charles and I have been thinking.
It might make sense to streamline things at the top of the department.
~ Streamline? ~ Yeah.
You and Richard were a great double act, and when great double acts end, going solo's always going to be difficult.
Art Garfunkel.
Liam Gallagher.
~ Frankenstein's monster.
Just some examples.
~ Right.
We all know how close you and Richard were.
If you're implying that we were having some sort of relationship, that's total bullshit.
I would never imply that.
I don't need to imply that, because I have Richard's mobile phone records.
This is from last night - "I need to talk to you.
" 22.
13.
~ "Call me.
" 22.
16.
~ Those were not romantic.
Funny how you didn't mention it when he was missing.
The thing is, Liz, I always think it's best to have a policy of transparency.
Are you threatening me? Are you firing me? Of course not.
The terms of your contract are clear and inarguable.
But if you were to decide that today was the day to move on, then that's a decision the Acting Commissioner would support, with the utmost regret.
Maybe you should go home until this all dies down.
We can say you needed some time off.
Let me know how you want to spin it.
'Hi, it's Davina.
Leave a message.
' Look, where are you? What the fuck's going on? Call me back.
The agent said if I didn't put down a deposit today, it would have gone like that.
You've got to move fast - the market's insane.
What, so you've actually moved out? Like, this is your flat? Our flat.
Right.
I mean, we didn't actually decide, but I mean, I haven't lived in a flat for, like, ten year.
Oh, my God.
Did you ram-raid a petrol station? Sorry, it's an air bed but .
.
the honeymoon suite awaits.
Nice.
Although you know my back.
Maybe we should go to a Premier Inn just for tonight? 'Hi, it's Davina.
Leave a message.
' Look, who is it? Is it one of your exes? Is it Chris - that slimy piece of shit? Trojan 131, or any Trojan.
Positive ID on a firearm at a nightclub, E3.
MP.
Over.
All received by Trojan 131.
Come on, Banjo.
Call me.
Let's rock and roll.
Young IC3 male.
Positive ID on a firearm.
Exterior nightclub.
Northside.
Over.
Call received.
Over.
Right, so no shots fired.
If you see a shooter, then challenge him.
But if you need to deal with it, then deal with it.
If you want, you can stay with the Trojan.
~ What, and look after your Thermos? ~ Piss off, mate.
I just meant ~ I'm on it.
Serious as cancer.
Rhythm is a dancer.
~ See? I told you he was good to go.
~ Sure, mate.
Right, Robbie, go red.
Warwick, cover ahead.
I'm gonna go green.
OK? Fucking hell! That's a bit heavy! ~ Clear the fucking arches! ~ Oh, fuck off.
Got two guys scrapping.
Get out of my fucking way! Get the fuck out the way! I can't see shit.
Move.
Fuckin' move! Move! Right, I've got pole position.
Robbie, stay right.
In position.
Get back.
~ Yo, what's going on? ~ I said, get back.
~ I just wanna get to the club.
~ I'm not gonna ask you again, all right? ~ This is an armed incident.
Get to the back of the arches.
~ Leave it out, man.
Was that a shot? Was that a shot? Dunno.
Moving in.
Warwick, is it a gun? Armed police! Put the weapon down now.
I've got the shot.
What the fuck is that, man? What's that? ~ What the fuck is that, bruv? ~ What? What the fuck, man? No.
What the fu?! Advance to the scene.
What the fuck? I had to take the shot.
You didn't take the shot.
I had to take the shot.
He's fucked! OK, just tell me what happened in your own words.
~ I was by the car.
~ We heard a shot.
There was a kid on the ground.
Yeah, you got another kid standing over him about to shoot.
~ He had a gun, but I didn't ~ Yeah, Warwick had visual on the gun.
Suspect was about to fire.
You could see that Warwick could see a gun? Yeah, he saw the gun, but he didn't have a clear shot.
~ But I did.
I took the shot.
~ After a verbal warning? After a verbal warning, yeah.
You murdering fuckers! Marmite, marmalade.
The two marms.
It's the English double whammy.
It's bitter, but surprisingly moreish.
Like me.
In the big picture, it's just a sidebar.
Everyone's talking about the suicide, the sister-in-law.
~ No-one'll pay any attention.
~ No-one except everyone who matters.
You could sue.
How long would that take? A year? Two? It's not going to save my reputation or my job.
Make a clean break of it, then.
Didn't the Deputy Mayor offer you a cool job? Yeah.
I don't think they'd take me now.
I'm toxic waste.
Besides, London Assembly, it's a bit Youth Parliament, isn't it? If it ceased to exist, would anyone notice for the first 12 months? It's Boris Bikes.
The Olympics.
Tube strikes.
You know, all that great shit.
You could always go back to Instagram.
I'm not going back to Instagram.
~ She was briefly employed here, as a physiotherapist.
~ Is that on the record? Yeah, of course.
I am the bloody record.
~ Can I quote you on that? ~ Hi, John? Yep, there is absolutely no evidence that the late Commissioner was involved in the bombing other than working hard to prevent it.
Mia Conroy.
'Is it true that?' Morning, everyone.
Unfortunately, Liz won't be coming in today.
She's not feeling well.
Norovirus.
She might be out for a few days.
Or a few weeks.
Or a few months.
So, if anyone has time, perhaps they can organise a whip-round for a bottle of Lucozade and some grapes.
~ So, Victoria Park lockdown.
~ You need to see this.
~ What? Fatal shooting outside a nightclub.
For fuck's sake.
Dead Commissioner, dead teenager.
Can everyone please just stop dying, just for a minute? ~ "Boy shot by armed cops.
" Not great.
~ No, no, no, no.
Look, look - "Criminal brandishing lethal weapon taken down "by armed officers using appropriate force "to protect innocent members of the public.
" ~ That's your headline.
There are no dead boys in this story.
~ The photo's just come through.
He does look sort of boyish.
~ "Boy" to me is five or younger.
Has this gone out yet? ~ No, we need to sign off on it.
Source another photo.
A more grown-up one.
Feel free to photoshop on a beard, or at least some stubble.
~ I'm shitting you.
~ Right.
Look.
The headline is, "Good guys don't carry guns.
" Unless they're us.
And see what background you can dig up.
~ We need to give the full context.
Yes? ~ Yes.
~ Yes.
Mia Conroy.
All right, we're going to go live now to our reporter, Jonah Hull, who's at the scene of the shooting.
Jonah, is this turning into the worst week in Scotland Yard's history? Well, it certainly seems that way.
The Thameside Bomber is still at large, and of course earlier, we heard about Commissioner Richard Miller's apparent suicide.
And now in the early hours of this morning, outside this warehouse, a black teenager has been shot and killed by armed police.
Intelligence from within the force suggests that Karl Jeffries, who had a history of involvement with drugs and gangs, was armed and considered dangerous They are briefing against the victim.
.
.
may have been linked to an ongoing dispute between rival gangs Oh, the gangsta powers.
Why not go all the way and just photoshop him standing between Tupac and Biggie? God! Finn is ripping up everything Richard tried to do.
Twenty-four hours, it will all be gone.
Ahh, don't tell me, let me guess.
~ Saint Richard, the Sacred Shagger? ~ Don't! Acting Commissioner Charles Inglis is yet to make a statement about the shooting.
~ Mia Conroy.
~ 'Hi, Mia, Sam.
Listen, er, I' Right, listen.
A challenging time for us all at Scotland Yard.
Not "crisis", not "freefall" and certainly not "meltdown".
Yep.
Hi, Mum, can I call you back? It's not a good time.
OK.
Mia Conroy.
Why are you briefing against a dead 17-year-old? ~ Oh, hi, Liz.
~ How does Finn think it's going to play out when a few "drug convictions" and "gang connections" turns into one caution for cannabis and a few dodgy friends in an area where everyone's friends are dodgy? Well, I guess the thinking was to limit the damage of the "boy" angle.
Age isn't the angle.
It's "black teenager" - emphasis on "black".
The tale as old as time - the institutionally racist police.
Actually, one of the officers involved was black.
I'm sending you his details.
Maybe that's a good approach? "We are a multiracial police force and a multiracial team was involved in the incident.
" This might sound weird I'm not actually 100% on whether or not he's black.
Well, he's definitely black.
Or mixed race.
But I mean, mixed race is black, isn't it? I mean, my gut feeling when I looked at this picture was - black guy.
That's the test, isn't it? I don't think that's the official UN procedure, no.
Maybe he's Asian? Or Greek? Like Dappy from N-Dubz? I think if we claimed the Greeks as multiracial, we'd get shafted by everyone, including the Greeks.
~ Can we call him? ~ And ask if he's black? ~ Are we allowed to do that? ~ No, we are not allowed to do that.
Oh, he's Turkish.
The opposite of Greek.
The point is, let's not make mistake 101 - smearing the dead guy.
I'll send you a draft of a new statement.
~ OK, but Finn ~ Mia.
I have always thought you had big balls.
Now is the moment to grab those balls with both hands.
Right.
Look, just help me do the right thing.
Please? Hi, I'm Matt Coward from Matt Coward Productions.
Is Liz Garvey available? I have an exciting proposal I'd like to show her.
~ I'm afraid Liz is off sick.
~ Lovesick? What? It's in the papers.
Come to pay your respects, have you? I'm first in line, matey-boy.
Miles.
Great to see you.
Two words.
Fuck off.
Three more.
Go fuck yourself.
So it's a lockdown for three square miles.
All public and private transport is suspended.
We're asking you lot to team up with specialist firearms for house-to-house search.
Must have a good sniff if they're sending top brass to mix it up with the grunts.
Now, City Hall are making us sweat.
If we don't find him in a few hours, we'll have to lift the cordon.
The guy you're looking for could be a walking bomb.
So be careful.
So, beds I know Ikea's a bit '90s, but it's cheap and everyone loves a Swedish meatball and some mini Daim bars.
~ It's Banjo.
~ What's that, call number 20? You need to put up a Chinese wall.
How about we play, "first to find the psycho gets to finger Davs"? So I'll be doing all the work and fingering myself, as per usual.
I've got to take this.
Look I I can't really talk at the minute.
'Shot a kid.
' What? 'It was dark and Warwick was, er 'He was only a kid and I shot him.
' I killed a kid, Davs.
A peaceful, quiet East London neighbourhood which had been enjoying a perfectly normal day has suddenly become the centre of an intense police manhunt.
Sorry to bother you.
We're just asking a few questions If I leave now, everyone's gonna say that he wasn't right in the head, that he was under emotional strain.
Maybe he was? Maybe if I hadn't Oh, so it's your fault he pulled the trigger now? Or is it mine? ~ No, I'm just saying ~ I'm not saying it's not horrible.
But he's using it to emotionally blackmail you, and it's working a treat.
Clarkey, he's under investigation.
He'll lose his job.
He'll lose everything.
Excuse me, sir, you're not permitted to leave the premises.
I need to go to work.
Look, I'm late for a meeting.
There's a lockdown on the area.
~ Has anyone tried to come to the door, enter the property? ~ No.
Well, if you see anything suspicious, let us know, yeah.
Look, I know he's under investigation, but can't you see this from my point of view? Clarkey, this is really stressful for him.
Can you not see that? So what you gonna do? I don't know.
Boys.
~ All right, mate? ~ What the fuck's this? White wine spritzer.
I just thought What - you thought, I'm gay, so I must drink white wine? Well, it's still a pint, innit? Fuck off.
What are you all gonna say to the IPCC? Banj, you know we're not supposed to consult ~ before the one-on-ones.
~ We're not consulting.
Consulting is like when you see a specialist about your ankle.
We're just chatting over a pint.
No-one said you can't have a nice chat.
I'm just gonna tell 'em what happened.
I saw him pointing something at the other kid's head, but I couldn't tell if what he was holding.
What do you mean, you couldn't tell what he was holding? It weren't a crayon, or a green pepper.
It was a gun.
Yeah, I saw I saw the gun.
Right in his hand.
Definite gun.
I can't believe I missed it.
You've just got to trust your judgement, right? It was noisy, it was dark.
But there was a gun.
That's the headline.
Look, it's important we stick together.
OK? You mean, tell the truth as we remember it? Yeah.
Which, since we all saw the same thing, means sticking together.
~ What the fuck are you doing here? ~ Why shouldn't I be here? ~ Cos I sacked you.
Remember that? Well, who died and left you all the cops? It's a new era.
Why shouldn't I get access? I earned my access with years of lugging cameras around the North Circular filming tax disc dodgers.
You want a piece of my action? Pay your fucking dues.
And get out of my way while I sort out the mess you've made.
It's Finn, yeah? ~ What the fuck is this? ~ It's just a different angle.
It reads like a newsletter of the Karl Jeffries Fan Site.
~ Look.
It's Liz.
She just wants ~ She wanted what? We're in front of the firing line and she wants to clean the barrels and load the bullets? I guess she didn't want anything to mushroom.
Look.
Liz is sick.
Right? She's so sick, she's dead.
Consider this her last will and testament.
This is not an art-house movie where everyone gets a point of view.
OK? It's a western.
Black hats versus white hats.
There's no grey in a newspaper headline.
Anything that makes our hat whiter and their hat blacker, that's our job.
That's what we do.
And there are no racial connotations to the hat colours.
That's just the colours they come in.
~ Fuck you! ~ No, fuck you! ~ Fuck you! Hey, hey, hey.
HEY! If you two don't leave the building immediately, I'm calling the police.
And I can guarantee you they'll come pretty fucking quickly.
In the last few moments, police have surrounded this house here in the Victoria Park area after a neighbour made reports of suspicious activities.
Stop filming! Get back.
We've been told that the bomber is hiding inside.
What we don't know is whether he has any explosive devices with him, or to what lengths the police are prepared to go to make an arrest.
~ Charles? ~ What's the situation? The ARV are calling out the suspect.
That could take hours.
We need a result.
They need to go in now.
Into a potential bomb factory? No, we should be focusing on evacuating the neighbouring properties and facilitating a gentle exit.
Gentle exit? What did you have in mind? Building him a waterslide from the second floor? With all due respect, sir, you asked me to personally take charge of this operation and that is what I intend to do.
Jesus Christ.
Mia Conroy.
I've been trying to get a hold of you for an hour.
"Sources at Scotland Yard have refused to quash suspicions "of the distractions of Miller's chaotic private life "were a factor in his handling of the bombing.
" What are Inglis and Finn going to do next - frame Richard for an unsolved paedo murder? And where is our press release on the shooting? ~ Finn spiked that.
~ Well, unspike it.
Liz, look, I know you're still officially my boss, but the thing is that Finn's here and you're not and he sort of said I'm not supposed to talk to you.
Sorry.
~ Hi.
~ Hi.
A tense stand-off has effectively become a siege with no clear end in sight.
Police negotiators are attempting to communicate with the Harry! Harry! He's coming out.
Get behind.
This is not a surrender.
This is a warning call to capitalists and their armed dogs.
We understand that, son.
Walk into the road.
Do a 360 turn.
Assistant Commissioner, you must be relieved that you've managed to arrest the suspect without any further casualties.
I'd like to thank the residents of Victoria Park for their co-operation.
Didn't you two search that house? Yeah, we, er yeah, we did.
So how was it then, Clarkey? Too busy trying to cop a look at Geordie tits ~ to notice a bloke with a bomb up his arsehole? ~ Listen.
Just because I've got tits doesn't mean I can't do me job and I can do it a fuck's sight better than you, so fuck off, all right? We were able to reach out to the suspect's parents.
We felt it was important to facilitate a gentle exit in such a densely populated area.
"Keeping London's streets safe.
" It's a win.
Oh, yeah, it's a win.
A win for Assistant Commissioner Sharon Franklin.
To quote John Rawls What the fuck? Let's get straight to it.
What is your response to these rumours Can she do this? Is she allowed to do this? .
.
that you were part of Richard Miller's complicated private life? The Commissioner and I never had anything more than a professional relationship.
And whatever issues he might have been struggling with in his final days, he never let them impact on the decisions he made or the actions he took to keep this city safe.
Richard's legacy for London is something worth fighting for and It's a bit written for my taste.
Well, you talk about legacy.
Is that legacy reflected in the way you've handled today's tragic events? There are suggestions that your PR department, your PR department Didn't Thatcher do this? Just turn up on the news one day? Yeah, Thatcher also got ousted because she pissed off everyone she worked with.
.
.
I'm glad that you asked it and I will answer in full.
First, I want to apologise to the family of Karl Jeffries for the way he's been portrayed in certain sections of the media.
The details of the incident are not yet entirely clear, but he is a dead 17-year-old boy who at this point has not been accused of any crime.
Just because the man who shot him was wearing a police badge doesn't mean he did the right thing.
He's not infallible.
The Commissioner was not infallible.
I am not infallible.
All I can do is what Richard did, which is the right thing, even when the right thing is impossible.
Nice.
That's nice.
If we try to get rid of her now, we're going to look like a racist Darth Vader trying to drown Luke Skywalker in a bag with some kittens.
.
.
Acting Commissioner Inglis has asked me to personally handle all the press on the IPCC investigation going forward.
Oh, have I? That's very nice of me.
Do you think your position as the head of PR is still tenable? My position was to protect Richard, and I did not do my job as well as I could have.
But I know that he would have wanted me to continue.
And that is what I intend to do, with total, unwavering commitment.
OK, well you've got to look She can crown herself the People's Princess for all I care.
Her little Diana act doesn't mean shit.
I know what you're thinking But I'm not your property No matter what you say No matter what you say Move along There's nothing left to see Just a body Nothing left to see Thanks for coming in, Liz.
Great to see you again.
Thanks very much, Dermot.
My lifestyle's terribly wild But you'll never catch me on the Jeremy Kyle Show Explosive, terrorist style Don't think I'mma blow I'll get you therapy now, whoa I missed school and I haven't got a job yet My girl's pissed My daughter's on the way I went clubbing till my world was revolving Pretty women and alcohol here I ride this motherfuckin' beat like a tractor I ride this motherfuckin' beat like a train Choo-choo, go hard, go faster