Batman (1966) s01e04 Episode Script
The Penguin's a Jinx (2)
Batman In the last bat episode, we saw a grand opening.
With a big come-on.
Then pandemonium.
The tell-tale umbrella.
The mark of that old devil Penguin.
The bat call was made.
Batman leapt into the fray.
.
against the Penguin.
.
and his fine feathered finks.
What was their plot? A bank job? No, another red herring.
And then.
.
A monster umbrella.
.
with a clue attached.
Baffling to the dynamic duo.
They decided to bug the tricky bird.
The bug was planted.
And the Penguin was bugged.
Batman was trapped.
And ready for the barbeque.
It was getting very warm.
But waitthe worst is yet to come.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na na na na na na na na Batman Something's fishy, Alfred.
No signal from the super-power radio transmitter built into that spider? Not even a carrier wave.
It might be due to sunspots, Master Robin.
I believe they can inhibit even the most powerful radio waves.
Does seem rum, however.
I do hope Mr.
Bruce hasn't fallen into some.
.
hot spot.
Drat! That heat is waking him up.
He won't throw no good.
We hooked that net real tight.
Yeah, it's like steel.
It's like a real golden eagle net.
Who is that guy, anyway? That's what I'd like to know.
I've seen him someplace before.
Has he flipped? That guy needs a cigarette lighter like a moose needs a hat rack.
You fool! That's the kind I use myself.
It's filled with a lifetime supply of butane gas compressed inside.
If he managed to toss that into the furnace.
.
Don't worry, boss, we'll get him.
Wait a minute.
- Let him go.
- What? He'll go running to the cops, Penguin.
How can he, you birdbrains? He's a crook himself.
Remember? - He was trying to bug my shop.
- Say, yeah, that's right.
The main thing is he won't come nosing around here anymore.
Besides I need both of you here, my fine feathered finks.
The time is almost nigh.
At the signal, the time will be precisely 5:20.
Forty minutes to go.
At precisely 6 o'clock the built-in timer will send the bat-brella into action.
'Exactly two minutes to 6.
' 'I'll give Bruce two minutes more' then I'll call the commissioner.
Very wise, Master Robin.
Doubtless the police will inaugurate a most effective search.
Hot diggity! Here he comes now! - What happened, Batman? - Penguin almost outfoxed me.
Good heavens, sir you look as if you've been in some sort of nasty snare.
Oh, it was nothing, Alfred.
You might go up and tend to my clothes, though.
They're in rather rocky shape.
Very good, sir.
The point is our scheme to bug the Penguin's lair won't work.
We'll have to solve the mystery of the bat-brella ourselves.
Right! Let's muster all of our brain power.
The stroke of 6.
Let's see how my gimmick is working.
'Gosh, Batman, this is sure a tough one.
' Jumping Jiminy's! It's the Boy Wonder.
It's my most dazzling stroke.
A secret radio transmitter built into the handle of the bat-brella.
'I wonder if these colors mean anything?' Colors are certainly striking.
Could it be the Penguin's way of taunting us with a clue to where he's going to strike? Hey, you've got something.
This green could stand for money.
Or emeralds.
Or is it all the colors taken together? You mean, like a collection of gems? The jeweled meteorite on display at the museum.
Wow! 'Studded with emeralds, and diamonds, and rubies.
' 'The Penguin's favorite bird seed.
' Could he get at it, though? We'll check the plans of the museum.
What did I predict! Batman has picked our crime, next he'll tell us how to do it.
You're a real genius.
Shh-h-h.
Gotham City Museum.
Third floor plan.
- Impossible.
- Burglar proof.
Not even the Penguin could get through those security devices.
Scratch the jeweled meteorite.
Back to the bat-brella.
Curses! That sounded like a sweet caper.
Fear not, dear finks, I know Batman's fertile mind.
He'll come up with another.
I still think the clue must be in the colors.
They're so pretty.
It's like a beautiful dawn.
- Beautiful dawn.
- Huh? Dawn Robbins, the beautiful movie star.
She's on location here in Gotham City.
Holy popcorn! Could he be planning to kidnap her? Dawn Robbins in a picture called "The Mockingbird" produced by Ward Eagle.
And she's staying in the penthouse at the Pelican Arms.
Birds in every bush.
A penguin ploy, if I've ever heard one.
It'd cost Eagle countless thousands a day if she's gone.
'Quick, let's figure out how the Penguin plans to pull it.
' Hawkeye, get out your notebook.
Pelican Arms Hotel.
Upper stories, general view.
- 'Look, it's a perfect setup.
' - 'How, Batman?' The penguin operates from this roof across the street.
He shoots a line to Dawn's penthouse terrace.
.
'then slides down the line on one of his tricky umbrellas.
' 'Gosh, yes! He's got all that equipment readymade' 'in his criminals' storeroom.
' 'It's a fiendish, well-laid scheme.
' - 'Only we're onto it.
' - 'Right.
' 'What'll we do? Tip off Commissioner Gordon?' 'No, not on your life.
' The Penguin and I have a score to settle.
We'll put the salt on his tail ourselves.
To the Pelican Arms, my fine feathered finks.
We're gonna hatch the Batman a certain surprise.
'Charming, Ms.
Robbins.
Delightful.
' 'Just the thing for Funboy magazine.
' Now if you could just curl up a trifle more, hmm? Oh.
What a drag it is being a famous movie star and so rich.
Why doesn't anything exciting ever happen to me? Ah, well, one never knows what lurks around life's corner, Ms.
Robbins.
Here we are, right under Dawn Robbins penthouse terrace.
'Gosh, Batman, it's high.
' 'Pretty tough throw for the bat-a-ring, huh?' Good point.
Better use the bat-zooka.
Aha.
It's just like Batman's blueprint.
'There's Robbin's nest across the way.
' Let's get to work.
Ready with the bat-zooka.
What was that? Sounded like a bat-zooka.
The dynamic duo.
They just fired the famous bat-rope.
Bull's eye.
The hook caught the railing of the terrace.
Yeah, the game's going exactly as I planned.
Let's get to work.
Thanks, Wilbur.
Get those prints to Mr.
Eagle.
He'll be expecting them.
I going up.
The air, it's stuffy in here.
Wait, I'll get you a wrap.
If you catch a cold, it'll cost Mr.
Eagle countless thousands.
Oh.
What a boring humdrum life this is.
I'm not even a person, I'm merely a commodity.
Like soap.
It's like.
.
Eek! Oh, help.
There's guys from outer space.
Don't be alarmed, Ms.
Robbins.
We're not law breakers.
'We're here to protect you, ma'am.
' Great Scott.
The Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder.
Who? Being a stranger to Gotham City of course, you wouldn't know.
Batman and Robin.
Ace crime fighters.
Oh, gee-whiz.
Batman, you're kinda cute.
Could you use some publicity? I'm sorry, Ms.
Robbins.
Forget it.
Batman never lends himself to commercial enterprises.
We're here to foil a daring crime.
A plot to kidnap Dawn Robbins.
- What? - Me? - Her? - 'No time to explain.
' Now just do as I say.
Listen.
Uh-huh.
- All set, you birds? - All set, Penguin.
Alright, let's show that my Penguin line is a match for that bat-rope.
Catapult.
.
shoot.
Perfect, let's go.
Who says penguins can't fly? Give me that.
Yes.
Plug in the Penguin magnet and wait till I give you the signal.
Surrender, you foul bird.
It's back to the pen for you, Penguin.
Well.
.
So this is the end of my fiendish, well-laid plan, is it? Oh, holy loadstone.
What's happening? We're in the grip of-- My Penguin magnet.
It's irresistibly drawing the metal objects in your utility belt.
Oh, he's right, Batman.
It's stronger than we are.
Well, look at both of you.
The dynamic duo.
Their faces completely covered with Penguin ink.
Start the winch.
What'll we do now, Batman? If we could just get our utility belts off.
Holy flypaper, what a fix.
Victory for the tricky birds? The dynamic duo's darkest hour.
Dawngone.
One dawn gone.
.
but then another comes.
So this was the clue which allowed you to anticipate the Penguin's crime, huh? - A fat lot of good it did.
- Enough, Mr.
Jay.
Who could possibly have foreseen the Penguins appointment of a gigantic magnet? He's right, commissioner.
We failed.
And how? If that waiter hadn't come in at midnight we might still be stuck there.
'I say pay the ransom.
' 'I say nothing matter's but Dawn's safety.
' 'And Mr.
Eagle's shooting schedule.
' 'I agree with Mr.
Jay.
' 'We're the first private plane.
Do you have the money?' 'Right here, in this suitcase, Batman.
' 'Two hundred thousand dollars' 'in unmarked bills of small denominations.
' 'Chief O'Hara, give us a summary' of the Penguin's ransom instructions once again.
Well, it's a trade, sir.
You see, the dough for Ms.
Robbins.
'He'll pick the suitcase and leave the girl in its place.
' 'Unharmed, says he.
' But for the effect of a mild anesthetic.
Mm-hmm.
When and where? A neutral spot.
He suggests the front hall of Wayne Manor.
As Commissioner Douglas knows that's the beautiful home of Bruce Wayne the millionaire.
Mr.
Wayne and I are close.
I've dined there often.
The time is to be 10 this morning.
If we agree, we're to fly a red gas balloon 'from the statue of George Washington' 'in Gotham Square.
' What do you think, Batman? We have no choice.
- I buy it.
- Yes, yes, gladly.
Alright, Chief, you arrange for the balloon.
I'll call Bruce and speak to him.
Begging your pardon, sir but I've taken the liberty of doing that myself already.
Uh, what did Mr.
Wayne say? It was the butler I spoke with.
Mr.
Wayne and his ward are away fishing.
Good.
Let's deliver the ransom money ourselves, Batman.
Right, Robin.
We'll do even better.
I seem to remember a picture in the Gotham City Times.
Some society affair.
Inside the front hall of Wayne Manor 'aren't there two suits of ancient armor?' - 'Yes, of course.
' - 'I get it.
' 'We'll hide inside the armor.
' 'Soon as the girl is safe, we pounce.
' Right again, Robin.
The last trick of this tricky hand is ours.
Will the Penguin and his finks have the last laugh? Yes, sir, what can I-- Sleep tight, my little ones.
By the time you awake in 18 hours I'll be safe in my hideaway in Alaska.
Who was that at the door, Alfred? If it's the cleaning man.
.
Oh! Alfred.
Oh! Close the door.
We'll divide the loot and we'll fly our separate ways.
Wrong, Penguin.
You'll all fly together.
Up the river, you birds of a filthy feather.
You betrayed yourself at the penthouse.
'You used the very same words I'd spoken in the bat-cave.
' We found out about your secret radio transmitter.
We acted out a charade to trap you.
B-b-but the gas.
.
I put you to sleep in the armor.
I saw it.
- A trap.
- Dummies in that armor.
We were here all the time.
Alright, boys, our umbrellas.
Saints alive.
No, Chief O'Hara, not "Saints alive" four birds bagged.
Tell Warden Crichton, they keep better on ice.
Oh, come on, Aunt Harriet.
Just one more hors d'oeuvres, huh? After all that shrimp salads no, indeed, Dick Grayson.
I'm not going to see you have nightmares.
It's bad enough that our peaceful home was involved in a wicked crime last week.
My, oh, my, if you'd seen what I saw.
You see Dick and I were off fishing.
You really know as much about it as I do.
You've read it in the papers.
Perhaps you'd like to wander over there and ask Commissioner Gordon.
The origin of the Batcostume, ladies and gentleman, is simple.
As Batman realized when he set out on his crusade nothing so strikes terror into the criminal mind as the shape and shadow of a huge bat.
Ah, Ms.
Robbins.
Mr.
Jay.
I'm so delighted you could come.
Our host, Ms.
Robbins.
Mr.
Bruce Wayne.
Head of the famous philanthropic Wayne foundation.
You don't say.
Gosh, what's the matter with that gorgeous girl? Her manner did seem a trifle odd.
The lingering effects of that criminals gas, perhaps? No, Mr.
Wayne.
It's more tragic than that.
Much more tragic.
'She only glimpsed him for a moment.
' 'And she's hopelessly in love with him.
' Her unknown saviorBatman.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na na na na na na na na Batman
With a big come-on.
Then pandemonium.
The tell-tale umbrella.
The mark of that old devil Penguin.
The bat call was made.
Batman leapt into the fray.
.
against the Penguin.
.
and his fine feathered finks.
What was their plot? A bank job? No, another red herring.
And then.
.
A monster umbrella.
.
with a clue attached.
Baffling to the dynamic duo.
They decided to bug the tricky bird.
The bug was planted.
And the Penguin was bugged.
Batman was trapped.
And ready for the barbeque.
It was getting very warm.
But waitthe worst is yet to come.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na na na na na na na na Batman Something's fishy, Alfred.
No signal from the super-power radio transmitter built into that spider? Not even a carrier wave.
It might be due to sunspots, Master Robin.
I believe they can inhibit even the most powerful radio waves.
Does seem rum, however.
I do hope Mr.
Bruce hasn't fallen into some.
.
hot spot.
Drat! That heat is waking him up.
He won't throw no good.
We hooked that net real tight.
Yeah, it's like steel.
It's like a real golden eagle net.
Who is that guy, anyway? That's what I'd like to know.
I've seen him someplace before.
Has he flipped? That guy needs a cigarette lighter like a moose needs a hat rack.
You fool! That's the kind I use myself.
It's filled with a lifetime supply of butane gas compressed inside.
If he managed to toss that into the furnace.
.
Don't worry, boss, we'll get him.
Wait a minute.
- Let him go.
- What? He'll go running to the cops, Penguin.
How can he, you birdbrains? He's a crook himself.
Remember? - He was trying to bug my shop.
- Say, yeah, that's right.
The main thing is he won't come nosing around here anymore.
Besides I need both of you here, my fine feathered finks.
The time is almost nigh.
At the signal, the time will be precisely 5:20.
Forty minutes to go.
At precisely 6 o'clock the built-in timer will send the bat-brella into action.
'Exactly two minutes to 6.
' 'I'll give Bruce two minutes more' then I'll call the commissioner.
Very wise, Master Robin.
Doubtless the police will inaugurate a most effective search.
Hot diggity! Here he comes now! - What happened, Batman? - Penguin almost outfoxed me.
Good heavens, sir you look as if you've been in some sort of nasty snare.
Oh, it was nothing, Alfred.
You might go up and tend to my clothes, though.
They're in rather rocky shape.
Very good, sir.
The point is our scheme to bug the Penguin's lair won't work.
We'll have to solve the mystery of the bat-brella ourselves.
Right! Let's muster all of our brain power.
The stroke of 6.
Let's see how my gimmick is working.
'Gosh, Batman, this is sure a tough one.
' Jumping Jiminy's! It's the Boy Wonder.
It's my most dazzling stroke.
A secret radio transmitter built into the handle of the bat-brella.
'I wonder if these colors mean anything?' Colors are certainly striking.
Could it be the Penguin's way of taunting us with a clue to where he's going to strike? Hey, you've got something.
This green could stand for money.
Or emeralds.
Or is it all the colors taken together? You mean, like a collection of gems? The jeweled meteorite on display at the museum.
Wow! 'Studded with emeralds, and diamonds, and rubies.
' 'The Penguin's favorite bird seed.
' Could he get at it, though? We'll check the plans of the museum.
What did I predict! Batman has picked our crime, next he'll tell us how to do it.
You're a real genius.
Shh-h-h.
Gotham City Museum.
Third floor plan.
- Impossible.
- Burglar proof.
Not even the Penguin could get through those security devices.
Scratch the jeweled meteorite.
Back to the bat-brella.
Curses! That sounded like a sweet caper.
Fear not, dear finks, I know Batman's fertile mind.
He'll come up with another.
I still think the clue must be in the colors.
They're so pretty.
It's like a beautiful dawn.
- Beautiful dawn.
- Huh? Dawn Robbins, the beautiful movie star.
She's on location here in Gotham City.
Holy popcorn! Could he be planning to kidnap her? Dawn Robbins in a picture called "The Mockingbird" produced by Ward Eagle.
And she's staying in the penthouse at the Pelican Arms.
Birds in every bush.
A penguin ploy, if I've ever heard one.
It'd cost Eagle countless thousands a day if she's gone.
'Quick, let's figure out how the Penguin plans to pull it.
' Hawkeye, get out your notebook.
Pelican Arms Hotel.
Upper stories, general view.
- 'Look, it's a perfect setup.
' - 'How, Batman?' The penguin operates from this roof across the street.
He shoots a line to Dawn's penthouse terrace.
.
'then slides down the line on one of his tricky umbrellas.
' 'Gosh, yes! He's got all that equipment readymade' 'in his criminals' storeroom.
' 'It's a fiendish, well-laid scheme.
' - 'Only we're onto it.
' - 'Right.
' 'What'll we do? Tip off Commissioner Gordon?' 'No, not on your life.
' The Penguin and I have a score to settle.
We'll put the salt on his tail ourselves.
To the Pelican Arms, my fine feathered finks.
We're gonna hatch the Batman a certain surprise.
'Charming, Ms.
Robbins.
Delightful.
' 'Just the thing for Funboy magazine.
' Now if you could just curl up a trifle more, hmm? Oh.
What a drag it is being a famous movie star and so rich.
Why doesn't anything exciting ever happen to me? Ah, well, one never knows what lurks around life's corner, Ms.
Robbins.
Here we are, right under Dawn Robbins penthouse terrace.
'Gosh, Batman, it's high.
' 'Pretty tough throw for the bat-a-ring, huh?' Good point.
Better use the bat-zooka.
Aha.
It's just like Batman's blueprint.
'There's Robbin's nest across the way.
' Let's get to work.
Ready with the bat-zooka.
What was that? Sounded like a bat-zooka.
The dynamic duo.
They just fired the famous bat-rope.
Bull's eye.
The hook caught the railing of the terrace.
Yeah, the game's going exactly as I planned.
Let's get to work.
Thanks, Wilbur.
Get those prints to Mr.
Eagle.
He'll be expecting them.
I going up.
The air, it's stuffy in here.
Wait, I'll get you a wrap.
If you catch a cold, it'll cost Mr.
Eagle countless thousands.
Oh.
What a boring humdrum life this is.
I'm not even a person, I'm merely a commodity.
Like soap.
It's like.
.
Eek! Oh, help.
There's guys from outer space.
Don't be alarmed, Ms.
Robbins.
We're not law breakers.
'We're here to protect you, ma'am.
' Great Scott.
The Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder.
Who? Being a stranger to Gotham City of course, you wouldn't know.
Batman and Robin.
Ace crime fighters.
Oh, gee-whiz.
Batman, you're kinda cute.
Could you use some publicity? I'm sorry, Ms.
Robbins.
Forget it.
Batman never lends himself to commercial enterprises.
We're here to foil a daring crime.
A plot to kidnap Dawn Robbins.
- What? - Me? - Her? - 'No time to explain.
' Now just do as I say.
Listen.
Uh-huh.
- All set, you birds? - All set, Penguin.
Alright, let's show that my Penguin line is a match for that bat-rope.
Catapult.
.
shoot.
Perfect, let's go.
Who says penguins can't fly? Give me that.
Yes.
Plug in the Penguin magnet and wait till I give you the signal.
Surrender, you foul bird.
It's back to the pen for you, Penguin.
Well.
.
So this is the end of my fiendish, well-laid plan, is it? Oh, holy loadstone.
What's happening? We're in the grip of-- My Penguin magnet.
It's irresistibly drawing the metal objects in your utility belt.
Oh, he's right, Batman.
It's stronger than we are.
Well, look at both of you.
The dynamic duo.
Their faces completely covered with Penguin ink.
Start the winch.
What'll we do now, Batman? If we could just get our utility belts off.
Holy flypaper, what a fix.
Victory for the tricky birds? The dynamic duo's darkest hour.
Dawngone.
One dawn gone.
.
but then another comes.
So this was the clue which allowed you to anticipate the Penguin's crime, huh? - A fat lot of good it did.
- Enough, Mr.
Jay.
Who could possibly have foreseen the Penguins appointment of a gigantic magnet? He's right, commissioner.
We failed.
And how? If that waiter hadn't come in at midnight we might still be stuck there.
'I say pay the ransom.
' 'I say nothing matter's but Dawn's safety.
' 'And Mr.
Eagle's shooting schedule.
' 'I agree with Mr.
Jay.
' 'We're the first private plane.
Do you have the money?' 'Right here, in this suitcase, Batman.
' 'Two hundred thousand dollars' 'in unmarked bills of small denominations.
' 'Chief O'Hara, give us a summary' of the Penguin's ransom instructions once again.
Well, it's a trade, sir.
You see, the dough for Ms.
Robbins.
'He'll pick the suitcase and leave the girl in its place.
' 'Unharmed, says he.
' But for the effect of a mild anesthetic.
Mm-hmm.
When and where? A neutral spot.
He suggests the front hall of Wayne Manor.
As Commissioner Douglas knows that's the beautiful home of Bruce Wayne the millionaire.
Mr.
Wayne and I are close.
I've dined there often.
The time is to be 10 this morning.
If we agree, we're to fly a red gas balloon 'from the statue of George Washington' 'in Gotham Square.
' What do you think, Batman? We have no choice.
- I buy it.
- Yes, yes, gladly.
Alright, Chief, you arrange for the balloon.
I'll call Bruce and speak to him.
Begging your pardon, sir but I've taken the liberty of doing that myself already.
Uh, what did Mr.
Wayne say? It was the butler I spoke with.
Mr.
Wayne and his ward are away fishing.
Good.
Let's deliver the ransom money ourselves, Batman.
Right, Robin.
We'll do even better.
I seem to remember a picture in the Gotham City Times.
Some society affair.
Inside the front hall of Wayne Manor 'aren't there two suits of ancient armor?' - 'Yes, of course.
' - 'I get it.
' 'We'll hide inside the armor.
' 'Soon as the girl is safe, we pounce.
' Right again, Robin.
The last trick of this tricky hand is ours.
Will the Penguin and his finks have the last laugh? Yes, sir, what can I-- Sleep tight, my little ones.
By the time you awake in 18 hours I'll be safe in my hideaway in Alaska.
Who was that at the door, Alfred? If it's the cleaning man.
.
Oh! Alfred.
Oh! Close the door.
We'll divide the loot and we'll fly our separate ways.
Wrong, Penguin.
You'll all fly together.
Up the river, you birds of a filthy feather.
You betrayed yourself at the penthouse.
'You used the very same words I'd spoken in the bat-cave.
' We found out about your secret radio transmitter.
We acted out a charade to trap you.
B-b-but the gas.
.
I put you to sleep in the armor.
I saw it.
- A trap.
- Dummies in that armor.
We were here all the time.
Alright, boys, our umbrellas.
Saints alive.
No, Chief O'Hara, not "Saints alive" four birds bagged.
Tell Warden Crichton, they keep better on ice.
Oh, come on, Aunt Harriet.
Just one more hors d'oeuvres, huh? After all that shrimp salads no, indeed, Dick Grayson.
I'm not going to see you have nightmares.
It's bad enough that our peaceful home was involved in a wicked crime last week.
My, oh, my, if you'd seen what I saw.
You see Dick and I were off fishing.
You really know as much about it as I do.
You've read it in the papers.
Perhaps you'd like to wander over there and ask Commissioner Gordon.
The origin of the Batcostume, ladies and gentleman, is simple.
As Batman realized when he set out on his crusade nothing so strikes terror into the criminal mind as the shape and shadow of a huge bat.
Ah, Ms.
Robbins.
Mr.
Jay.
I'm so delighted you could come.
Our host, Ms.
Robbins.
Mr.
Bruce Wayne.
Head of the famous philanthropic Wayne foundation.
You don't say.
Gosh, what's the matter with that gorgeous girl? Her manner did seem a trifle odd.
The lingering effects of that criminals gas, perhaps? No, Mr.
Wayne.
It's more tragic than that.
Much more tragic.
'She only glimpsed him for a moment.
' 'And she's hopelessly in love with him.
' Her unknown saviorBatman.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na na na na na na na na Batman