Beef (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Thanks again for driving me.
Ubers were surging.
I Uber everywhere,
so I'm usually in the back.
Yeah, so which one is your place?
Oh, don't worry, I'll tell you.
Sorry, what was I saying?
Oh, yeah, so have you heard
of portable parking?
- Uh, no.
- Good.
'Cause it's this idea me and the boys
have been kicking around.
The problem with driving
is that you always have to find parking,
but with ParKing,
you can order someone to park for you.
You mean like valet?
No, no, ParKing.
So, basically,
they come to wherever you are
Sorry, you missed the
You have to go back.
- My bad.
- Okay.
- Is this it? This is your place?
- Yeah, right here.
All right.
Home sweet home.
I like the way you drive.
It's smooth.
Oh, well, thanks.
So, you wanna hang out this week?
Uh, you know,
I have to go to Vegas for work.
- So
- Oh, cool, okay.
- Vegas. That's cool.
- Yeah.
My boy lives in Vegas.
- You into MMA? Mixed Martial Arts?
- Mm-mm.
My boy, he's about to pop off.
He's like solid.
I came up with his nickname,
"The Japanese Disease."
I know it sounds like
You don't have to
Oh, it's okay.
I don't want to block anybody.
- Oh!
- Sorry.
That's okay.
Okay, well
Wanna come in? My brother's probably home,
but I have a lock on my door.
Paul, could you do me a favor
and not like tell anybody about this?
You have a boyfriend, huh?
Uh, no. Not a boyfriend, exactly.
- An ex?
- Paul, I'm married.
Yeah, I
Look, you seem like
a really good kid. And, um
Come here.
Fuck!
Go, go, go now before, um
Before I do something stupid.
Are you sure I can park here?
Totally. You might get a ticket, though.
I was thinking I was gonna
call that road rage lady and apologize.
You want my advice?
Fuck that.
I mean, God blessed me
with this church gig.
What would Jesus do, you know?
Jesus?
Jesus would thank his cousin
with a fucking table dance,
some fish, some unleavened bread.
Of course, man. Thank you.
Really, thank you, thank you.
Yo, it's right over here.
My guy gave me the code. It's 69-69.
Word.
I gotta make things right
with Paul too.
All he cares about is that Kayla chick.
Dude, I checked out her IG.
- She's fucking hot.
- Nah, man.
Yo, I don't fuck with
that type of white woman.
They act like they got no power,
they got all of it.
You met her?
I don't need to, I just know.
When Paul is cleaning his room,
white devil pulling strings.
What white girls you fuck with, then?
- Italians, bro.
- What?
Yeah, they're the same as us.
Peninsula mentality.
Yo, peninsulas, that's what's up.
Yeah, man.
Paul thinks he's thinking for himself,
he's being incepted.
- Yo, you gotta tell him.
- Dude
he doesn't do well with criticism.
I gotta change things up.
- I don't wanna lose him forever.
- Here we go.
Everything you need for the church.
Jackpot.
Whoa. Wait. So we can steal all this
and pocket the church money?
God is good. Amen.
Yo, we should take this too, man.
It's Daewoo.
Support Korean manufacturing.
- Hey, you know who you are?
- Hmm.
You're Korean Robin Hood.
Oh, yeah?
And I'm Korean Aladdin.
Yeah. I like that.
- No, Mommy, no!
- Junie, hey
Junie, it's gonna be a family trip
and it's gonna be fun, okay?
- I got it.
- I don't wanna go!
Sweetie, the driver is gonna take us
to a private jet.
Did you bring her Rubble toy?
Zuma and Cap'n Turbot
can't patrol without Rubble.
I think it's under her suitcase.
It's PAW Patrol. You need all the paws.
- Do we have any candy to bribe her?
- Sweetie, look!
Look, look!
PAW Patrol's coming too!
Okay. Come on, Junie, let's go.
- Rubble will lead us to Vegas.
- No, Mommy!
- No, no, no!
- Junie, stop that!
Oh, my God, are you okay?
Baby, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, baby. It's okay
- Maybe we just don't go to Vegas.
I'll call Jordan
and tell her it was a work emergency.
Babe, stop.
You gotta go.
I'll hold down the fort.
I really thought this would help us
refocus on one another, you know?
Well
Don't worry about us.
We'll do our family trips
when you iron out the deal.
Any time you want to meet Toni Kukoc,
I can make that happen.
- What?
- That fucker owes me.
How did I not know
you have connections like this?
'Cause you never fucked
with your cousin till now.
It's about time we hung out.
Do you think I can take him one-on-one?
- I can take him.
- Yeah. That guy's old.
- You got your twenties bod.
- Right?!
- Yo, I fixed that.
- Oh, sick.
What up?
- I could beat all of y'all.
- What?
- Paul knows how to read? Fuck, dude.
- Say hi to your cousin.
- 'Sup, Isaac.
- "'Sup, Isaac"? Issac-hyung, bitch.
I don't make these gook rules.
Get up, you bow-legged fuck.
Give me a front hug.
None of that side hug.
- Tip to tip, come on.
- Don't say that.
Oh, fuck, it's so strong.
- Isaac, you want some orange juice?
- Ooh. Sunny D. "D" for Danny.
- Danny, I gotta ask a favor.
- Shit. Here we go.
Dude, no.
I'm not unclogging it again. No way.
- Can I borrow your truck?
- What you need my truck for?
- To see my girl in Vegas.
- She's your girl now?
Yeah.
- Okay, I mean, have you even met her yet?
- Actually, we have met. So
How about a boys' trip to Vegas?
You, me and Isaac.
- Boys' trip!
- I don't wanna be sad in Vegas.
She hit you up
for your credit card numbers yet?
- No, but she did ask me for this dick.
- Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.
- I'm sure you saw plenty in jail.
- The fuck you say?
- I'm kidding!
- Hey.
- What the fuck you say?
- We're good. Hey!
- Hey, Isaac! Isaac! Stop, stop.
- You wanna see some fucking gochu?
- Stop, stop.
- Fucking bitch. Apologize.
- Everybody chill. It's all good.
- I'm just joking, relax.
Okay. Don't say stupid shit. Goddamn.
Hey, dude we got that big job
at Veronica's church.
So you can, like, come help
and I'll pay you good.
Pay your own way to Vegas.
Okay.
- Okay.
- I appreciate that.
Yo, why don't we celebrate the new job?
Let's take a shot.
Chosen Ones!
- Do you guys want more?
- It's good.
- Danny, you good, or?
- No, come on, you fucking bitch.
Let's go! Chase it with the Sunny D.
- Chosen Ones, here we go!
- Chosen Ones!
Jordan, this is amazing.
I've never had a whole spa
to myself before.
That's so cute.
Make sure you get the 99 finger massage.
Ten of the best masseuses in the world,
and they massage everything.
Ninety-nine?
I'm so sorry your family couldn't come.
Junie was not having it.
We usually bribe her with candy,
but the doctor said
to cut down on her sugar. So
- Oh. That's life, right?
- Yeah.
I mean, I have more money
than actual countries.
But I need to let loose
behind closed doors.
Wait. You don't go out in Vegas?
Honey, most of our employees
are middle class.
They don't like to see me enjoying myself.
That's why I have to dress down
for conferences.
Smart.
You have to keep up the illusion,
people always prefer it to reality.
That's just the way it is.
But doesn't that get tiring?
Yes, it's exhausting.
That's why I have a zero filter policy
with my inner circle.
If I had to fake it all day,
I'd go insane.
Right.
Jordi, the board wants to meet
by the Jacuzzi to go over things.
Amy, we should leave them to it.
All the wives are going to a show later.
- Actually, I think Amy should stay. Right?
- Oh.
Oh.
Okay, yeah, yeah, of course, of course.
- Amy, text me later. We'll meet up.
- For sure.
You still wanted to talk
to the board about the deal?
Oh, it can wait. It's the first night.
I don't want to bother.
Paul, grab your phone!
What the fuck?
Oh, shit.
Chair's still on.
I dreamt I was inside my mom.
Hey, what's wrong?
Oh, no, Paul took the keys.
What?
Fuck. All that shit we took
is still in the truck.
Wow, so you got to meet the board?
Yeah, it was pretty cool.
I mean, they picked my brain about like,
a lot of confidential things.
Then Oh, God, they asked me
to speak at this panel tomorrow.
Babe, that's amazing.
Did you discuss the offer?
- No, we didn't have time for that tonight.
- Oh, well, you'll find a window soon.
It's good you're getting in
good with them.
I bet they'll let you cash out.
Yeah, exactly. Tomorrow for sure.
Oh, who's that?
Oh, um, it's just Jordan.
Um, so is Junie doing better?
She's so happy to be home.
She hugged every piece of furniture
and told them how much she loves them.
Oh! Did she miss me?
Will they let you take the jet home early?
What?
Once you convince them,
you can come home, right?
To watch June.
Remember I rescheduled
my men's group meeting.
Oh, well, honey, remember,
ah, um, they invited me
to speak at that panel tomorrow.
- So
- Oh, right.
Right. Yeah, you should do that.
Yeah, but, you know, maybe I don't do it.
I'm not prepared and God, my hair.
I need a haircut. So
Well, I support you either way.
Just let me know, okay?
'Cause, my men's group.
Yeah, I'll for sure
try to come home early.
Hey, is someone there, George?
It's so late.
Mom and I are having a sleepover.
Amy, I used your bathroom.
Oh, that's great, Fumi.
Shoot, I gotta grab her PJs
from the dryer.
Love you. Get lots of rest, okay?
They're gonna let you cash out tomorrow,
I can feel it.
Mom!
So, your boy, he went home?
Yeah, he had to train.
Gotta put the work in to see the results.
Ah. I see.
So nobody knows you're here, right?
You didn't tell your brother or anything?
- No, I barely even talk to him.
- Cool, cool.
You want to put those flowers down
or something?
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Oh, sorry.
Just If we're gonna hang out,
we can't do anything physical.
I have a family, you know?
Yeah. I wasn't even thinking about that.
Okay.
So, what do you want to do?
Uh, I don't know.
I was thinking of putting on a movie.
- Movie?
- Yeah.
- Here?
- Yup.
This place is amazing.
I know we can't be seen in public,
but we can do something else
that's not so boring.
Well, I just can't be hung over tomorrow.
You know? So
- Do you smoke?
- Oh, my God.
I used to, all the time,
before my daughter was born.
- Why'd you stop?
- I don't know.
I don't have the time or the space.
Well, you got both right now.
Yo, you've reached Paul.
Don't be old, just text me.
Yo, all my shit is in the truck.
I need it for work.
We're pulling up to Vegas.
Meet us. No harm, no foul.
- That little shit, he's not gonna call.
- Ugh. We could do "Find My Phone."
I know his crypto passwords,
one of them has got to work.
That's why you smack them maknaes
or they turn out like this.
They never get disciplined like we do.
Parents are too tired after the first one.
Their oldest always gets it worse.
Every time.
Hey, remember when I got you high
for the first time,
and you puked all over the motel lobby?
Yeah. My parents busted out
the Kmart maemae for that one. That hurt.
Your vomit was pretty
because you love Skittles.
I used to pour the Skittles into the Coke.
- Yup.
- Paul used to copy me, man.
He used to look up to me.
He gave me that nickname,
Korean Johnny Carson.
All the motel guests
started calling me that.
Like, that was so good.
Yo, you know he was
making fun of you, right?
What? No, dude, Johnny Carson was the man.
- What are you talking about?
- To us.
Paul started calling you that
after he died,
when all that stuff about
his temper and narcissism came out.
Sorry, I would have told you back then,
but you stopped kicking it with me.
Johnny was the best to ever do it.
- I feel like you were a stoner back then.
- I was.
Where is the ritual? ♪
Yeah. Break down one of my arms.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
Squeeze it all.
- Yeah!
- Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah! That's good. Oh!
You ever put Skittles in Coke?
I came up with this as a kid.
It's amazing.
Oh, shit.
Oh, oh, oh, ooh!
That's the day ♪
I throw my drugs away ♪
When they find a cure for pain ♪
When they find a cure for pain ♪
Find a cure for
Find a cure for pain ♪
But I wasn't sure
if it was even real.
I have this faint memory of going to China
when I was 6 and eating one.
They told me it was illegal in America.
I never even heard of a mangosteen.
It's crazy
they just brought you one like that.
You must be pretty rich
to be living like this, huh?
Well, I'm about to be.
That's so crazy to say.
I'm about to sell my business
for $10 million.
- What?
- Yeah.
- From plants?
- Yeah. From plants.
I would have studied plants.
What does that even feel like? Ten mill?
I don't know yet.
I have to decide if it's worth working
nonstop for another five years.
Fuck, yeah.
I don't even need that much.
I'll take like I'll take a milli.
That's what I would have said
in my 20s too.
But, like, in different words.
Well, what do you say now?
Now, I say that
It's not all about you.
You sound like my brother.
Your brother who you hate?
I didn't mean it like that.
You're like the opposite.
It's just, um
He works so hard for everyone but himself,
and I see how unhappy he is.
Why is he so unhappy?
I think he's depressed.
Like, all right, like,
he regularly drives an hour and a half
to what he thinks is the best Burger King,
just to eat four
original chicken sandwiches, alone.
The long one?
I guess.
I just wish he'd leave me alone.
I don't need that kind of energy
around me, you know?
Yeah.
It is selfish
for broken people to spread their
brokenness.
You know how in video games
like, when other people die,
the game keeps going,
but then when you die, it's game over?
I think life's like that.
Mm.
Deep.
Fuck you.
All right.
So then are you the main player?
Or me?
We'll find out some day.
Oi. Oh, fuck.
I got you.
- I'm sorry.
- Who's that?
Uh, nobody. I don't know why
it's doing that. I'll turn it off.
Sorry.
It's all good.
This doesn't account for vertical,
he could be on any floor.
I'm not spending all night
knocking on doors.
I don't know what to do.
That front desk guy wasn't any help.
- We can get a room and stay.
- A room? Fuck, dude.
Why spend money on a room?
When we can make money on the floor!
- Fuck yeah! My hand is scorching.
- I cannot lose any more money.
You won't! Not with me man.
Life lesson, always sit with the Chinese.
Blackjack, craps. You ever see
Chinese people play that game?
Yeah, like all the time.
Those are like half-Chinese.
I'm talking about real OG Chinese.
They play on the edge of the casino.
- You mean like Pai gow?
- Pai gow? Pai gyo, like gyo bros.
They invented that shit,
they know the game better than the casino.
Then you go. I'll keep looking.
Dude, I don't wanna do shit by myself.
Fucking hang with me.
I'll give you half my winnings.
- Happy?
- No. I gotta look for Paul.
We'll find that fucker,
he's here somewhere.
Paul! See, we're looking.
Let's fucking make that money, dude.
- I gotta find which room he's in.
- You're gonna knock on every door?
Thank you for taking the couch.
No worries. I get it.
- Who's that?
- It's just your pillows.
Hello. Thank you so much.
- Have a good evening.
- Why she gotta knock like that?
All right, Paul.
Let's get you nice and cozy.
I could just leave now. It's no big deal.
No, it's so late. You rest up.
I'll have to leave
before you wake up tomorrow.
But feel free to hang out
for as long as you want.
- I'll leave you some cash.
- You don't have to.
I'm not a kid.
You gave me the exact night I needed.
It was really nice
to do what I want for once.
Just consider this a thank you.
Um
I feel like a whore.
Keep talking like that,
you might get to sleep in the bed.
Back to reality. My brother will be
so pissed I took his truck.
Seriously, you're a great guy,
and you'll be able to accomplish
whatever you put your mind to.
Don't let your brother get you down.
I'm really glad we met.
Uh
Can we hug?
Sure.
- God! Why didn't we look for Paul?
- It's okay.
First few rounds:
only high-value proteins, no carbs.
No fillers. Learned that from you.
I have zero appetite.
I know you had a rough night,
but eat something.
- I never lose. I never lose.
- I know.
- It's Paul's fault.
- Okay.
Kayla! Where the fuck is she?!
Eat this. You need something
to absorb all that alcohol.
- Dude, this is what I need.
- Okay.
This is what No one ever
looks out for me. I needed this.
Sometimes I know
what I'm talking about. Okay?
Mm.
Uh, that's an end piece.
I'll wait for a fresh one.
- I'm an end piece.
- Okay, you guys can go
- If you want it
- I'll wait for another one.
You guys wait for the good one.
Don't get that one.
Oh, now he shows up.
Oh, hey, Paul, get your ass over here.
- Yo! Are you fucking kidding me?!
- Are you fucking kidding me?
Paul? Paul!
- Fuck! Come here!
- Don't eat those!
Paul!
Hi, I'm checking in for Amy Lau.
Oh, you're a guest of Ms. Forster.
All of your treatments
are of course comped.
- Oh, my God.
- What did you have in mind?
Oh, I actually have a photo
of what I want.
Shoot, I think I left my phone in my room.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay. No problem.
Fuck! Why she gotta be on the top floor?!
Paul, get back here!
I'll fucking kill you
for making me work out!
I won't be infected
by your brokenness anymore!
What? See?
That's that white devil talking!
Hey, Paul!
Hey, is Korean Johnny Carson
a compliment or not?
- I don't know who that is!
- Was it a compliment or not?!
What floor are we on?
Wrong floor.
You have no loyalty, Paul!
I don't give a fuck!
You're still on parole.
Paul!
Paul! I am your brother,
you will respect me!
Paul! Paul! Paul, get back here!
- It was in my room, sorry about that.
- Great.
- Let's get you all set up.
- Okay.
Paul! Open the door.
Open the fucking door, dude!
Paul, open the door!
Fuck!
Where's your girl?
Penthouse suite,
while I'm losing my shirt downstairs!
- What are you doing?
- Oh, God. Get off of me.
Back in my day, kids flap their mouths,
they get sent away.
The whole family in the mission fields.
Me? I got shipped to L.A.
- What the fuck are you talking about?!
- I got the keys. Let's go!
Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, come on.
Why are you even here?
Nobody even likes you.
I always wondered who
called the cops on me at the motel.
It was you, you fucking snake!
You fucking spineless brat!
We do not want child services on us,
all right? For hitting a fucking kid.
It's pathetic you have to bully me
to feel better about your shitty lives.
When you die, literally no one will care.
Shut your fucking mouth.
You wouldn't be here without me.
You're pathetic.
I can fucking take you.
Get the fuck out of here.
Hope you're enjoying
the 52nd Annual Forsters conference.
I saw our next guest backstage
and she's got a brand-new look.
You look amazing.
The owner of Kōyōhaus, Amy Lau.
Yes.
Give it up.
How do we get to the garage?
They make it impossible to get out.
That's how they keep robbing us.
I appreciate all the love
for Kōyōhaus. Thank you so much.
What the fuck?
Shit dude, "Next Gen,
First Class, Future-Proof"
- This is the new X-Men!
- That's the road rage bitch.
- Fuck.
- Oh, my God, what are the chances?
Dude, universe, bro.
It wants you to balance the karma.
- Yeah, let's do this shit!
- Wait.
Come on.
You know, the first year
we went direct to consumer
God, I was up at 6 a.m.
every single morning
making deliveries all by myself.
Like, all over Los Angeles.
I had just given birth to my daughter.
I'd pump in the car,
and we've all been there, right?
But I still made sure
to have dinner with my husband,
every single night,
because it was important to me.
I bought a house that I redesigned myself,
and, I mean, why am I telling you this?
Because I want you to know that,
despite what everybody tells you,
you can have it all.
- You can.
- Wow.
I mean, just the perfect answer. Yeah.
We have time for one more question.
Yes, there in the back.
Let's get them a mic.
Uh, yeah.
This is a question for Amy Lau.
Oh, hi, nice to meet you. Ask away.
I'm just wondering
what you would do in my shoes.
I was sitting in my car, and all of
a sudden, this woman starts honking at me
from her fucking perfect white SUV.
And then this psycho starts trolling
my business with bullshit reviews.
And then she fucking tags
my truck with, "I'm a bitch."
Is that normal behavior?
'Cause that fucking lady
Security, I think some drunk tourists
have wandered in.
Is that what that is? Do you think
that's having it all? Fuck you!
Give me the mic!
"The Last Stand" is the best X-Men!
Wolverine cannot be circumcised!
- Get the fuck off me.
- Oh, okay.
All right. Last tip for your business.
The average consumer loves alcohol.
I mean, clearly.
- They do.
- She's right.
- Get off me! Let me the fuck go!
- I know Miranda! I know Miranda!
- Run, Danny!
- Come on, let's go!
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Shit.
Come on!
Get back here!
Motherfuckers, come on!
Goddamn it!
Yes!
- Oh, my. You're more fun as a blonde.
- I want to stay on.
Wow, what? Really?
I know you probably planned for this
No, no, Amy. I'm only here to support you.
You know that.
Thank you, really.
I think that this is what has been missing
in my life. You know, this feeling.
Yes! Yes, yes. Amazing.
Welcome to the family.
Great job with the hecklers, by the way.
That's typical Vegas riff-raff.
Pains me that
that's the average Forsters consumer.
Well, hey, nobody ever went broke
- underestimating the intelligence
- Amy
of the American public, right?
I don't know why
he's so mad about a truck.
- Where the fuck is the garage?!
- They make it impossible!
- Where are my keys?!
- I don't know, you had them!
- I thought you had them!
- I don't!
Fuck! Where are the keys?!
Put your hands in the air!
Fuck!
Hands on your head. Turn around.
- Get down on your knees.
- Fuck!
- Fuck.
- Get on the ground.
I wrote her off
For the tenth time today ♪
And practiced
All the things I would say ♪
But she came over
I lost my nerve ♪
I took her back and made her dessert ♪
Now I know I'm being used ♪
That's okay, man
'Cause I like the abuse ♪
Now I know she's playing with me ♪
That's okay
'Cause I've got no self-esteem ♪
Oh, yeah, yeah ♪