Being Human (US) s01e04 Episode Script
Wouldn't It Be Nice (If We Were Human)
Previously on Being Human Hey, it's me.
I need your help.
- You're a vampire? - You had no right to turn her.
We wanted to see what was so special.
I feel like a goddess.
It is more gruesome than you could realize.
Ahh! - I'm lonely.
- Me too.
You can move with your thoughts.
- Shut up! - Where are we? Danny's old place.
- Danny? - My fiancée.
Danny Bridget? (Insects buzzing, chirping) (Aidan): Quick what's the world's most rapidly evaporating resource? - Ahh! - Oil? What is that? Something in the bushes.
Water? Fresh air? Not even close.
It's gone But I don't even know Like a steam drill When's the last time you were truly alone? Remember the guy who took your picture? Yeah.
When you didn't think to yourself - Classic.
- Yeah.
Classic shot.
"Somebody's watching me"? (Screaming) A man can wander for an eternity these days before finding a place where he can be himself, let go - We don't want any trouble.
- Sorry.
howl at the moon.
How did we let this happen to us? Was living for the heart Um see ya.
Yeah, good night.
Thank you.
Ain't love just like fumbling in the dark? (Chuckling) She's gone 7 7 or 8 days She's gone where I don't even know Why do we insist on looking when our every impulse tells us She's gone 7 "Look away"? Ahh! She's gone where I don't even know Maybe it's because we all have something to hide.
Dust the cage That thing we bury down deep Dog's under the porch light Sleeping with his one eye open Open for beat back into the darkness with everything we have.
(Exhales) We're secretly hoping to see that the monster inside each of us is inside us all.
(Screaming) There it is.
Look hard enough, you'll see it.
You will be seen.
(Roaring) (Grunting) (Birds chirping) (Exhaling) Ah! It's OK.
It's just some clothes.
Go ahead.
It was over a mile north of here.
Who are you? Seriously, chief, just get dressed.
You're not the only one who's uncomfortable.
You know, you suck at being a werewolf.
It's almost offensive.
What are you talking about? I told you.
It's OK.
Name's Ray.
I'm a werewolf, too.
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
You took my clothes.
Least you could do is talk to me! Sorry, I don't talk to delusional people.
You know I'm telling the truth.
It's only been a coupe of hours since your last change.
Your senses are still blazing.
You could smell what I am.
Oh, for crying out loud, Josh! How do you know my name? I been at this a while, you know? I can help you.
How? Once a month, I'm an animal, a killer.
I have to run away from my home, my friends, everyone.
I have to protect the world from myself! And I can help you with that.
We could look out for each other.
We keep everyone safe.
What do you say? Thanks for the clothes.
Oh, come on! Josh! We're late.
Shower up.
Why are you dressed like a douche? Because a douche gave me these clothes.
No, sorry, a werewolf douche gave me these clothes.
- Seriously? - Oh, I'm dead serious.
Yeah, Ray the werewolf.
He's been watching me.
No.
Yes! (Microwave beeping) Just when I start to think that there's hope, like, real hope for me to be just like everybody else, I wake up and I'm in hell! I'm in hell! I died and now I'm actually in hell! What happened to you? We were just talking about how I'm in hell, but whatever, let's talk about you.
I just spent my night watching Danny and Bridget simper and swoon over each other.
If I had bodily fluids, I'd spew them.
Who is Bridget? My best friend since 3rd grade who I now realize is also a brutal whore.
You can come and go as you please now.
Yeah.
Why didn't you just leave? I didn't have control.
Apparently, I go wherever my mind goes.
I didn't wanna watch Danny and Bridget, so I left.
But then I couldn't stop thinking about them together.
Next thing I know, wham! You're watching them.
It's a vicious cycle! (Sighs) Why are you dressed like a douche? Josh met another werewolf.
Aw! .
Who's stalking him.
Ew.
I'm gonna shower.
What do I do? Well, I'll tell you what you do.
You be strong and you focus on other things.
Maybe I'll have your willpower after being around for a century or two.
(Siren wailing) (Man on PA): Blood drop 3427.
Blood, 3427.
Hold up! What are you doing? I'm transferring Mr.
Shaw.
Really? Where? There aren't any beds here.
You sure? I was sent by Dr.
Prindaar.
Maybe you could check.
Robyn? Can you get this gentleman's paperwork started? We'll get you all squared away, Mr.
Shaw.
You think I don't know how many beds I have available? No, no, it's just that Dr.
Prindaar said Dr.
Prindaar is what's clinically known as a jackass and a coward.
I already informed Dr.
Prindaar that I don't have any space for Mr.
Shaw.
That's why he had a dopey, doe-eyed, sad-looking orderly bring him down here.
He thought I'd have mercy 'cause you're doe And sad-looking.
I get it.
Go.
(Clearing throat) I don't know, man, but it's one of the drawbacks of Hey, there he is! - What are you doing here? - You ready to talk, chief? - It's Ray.
- Yeah, thanks.
You have to leave.
All I'm asking for is one cup of coffee.
- Know what? - Can we have a minute? He knows where I work? That we're roommates? Can I just say something? You want me to hang out with this lunatic? Seriously? Josh, you are a rare breed, but don't you think it might be good to spend a little time with someone like you? No.
Not really.
The one thing I've been able to do with this thing I carry around with me is keep it small.
OK? I deserve to contain my own private hell.
And now this guy pops up, and suddenly there's two of us.
If I let him in, Aidan, it all gets bigger.
You may only change once a month, but your anxiety about who you are, what you are, it consumes you.
It is not small.
(Man on PA): Dr.
Smith, please call 7428.
One cup of coffee.
Tomorrow.
Sweet! That's awesome, bro! We're not bros.
You rough with all the girls, or is it just a thing with me? - What do you want, Rebecca? - Just to talk.
I know you hate me, but you're the only one who understands.
What? Just try to remember for a second that you give a damn about me.
I need you to get me out.
Or just God, just end this now! You wanna get away from Bishop just like that.
Bishop is just the tip of the whole nasty pile of blood-lusting garbage.
'Cause the last I remember, you were having the time of your life tearing through innocent people.
I thought it made me strong, invincible.
I'm the weakest thing on earth.
But the rush, the fantasy of how I'd kill, when I'd kill, it's gone.
It's like I snapped out of twilight sleep, and now I can hear people whimper, see the fear in their eyes.
I hate what I am what I've become.
I can't stop.
I can't fight it.
Not by myself.
It's It's not your fault.
You didn't choose.
No, I didn't.
But everything I've done since turning I could stop.
You stopped.
It's not that easy.
But you could help me.
I don't know.
You wanted to help me.
Doesn't "better late than never" count for anything anymore? What time does the game start? We should be done just in time.
Ugh, vomit! - Do you have a strainer? - Yup.
(Both): Bottom-right cabinet.
You know, we could've ordered in some pizza.
You didn't have to cook.
I love cooking.
Ha! Please! I never knew you were a baseball fan.
- That's because she's not.
- Oh yeah! And you like to cook.
No, she really can't.
You should taste it before you judge.
"Oh, Danny, I love baseball and cooking "and being a slut and lying.
"Will you please do me?" Look, what is this? What are we doing here? It's dinner and baseball.
Yeah, I don't care about dinner and I don't care about the Red Sox game.
All I keep thinking about is what happened the other night.
I was wondering if we were gonna act like nothing happened.
Wanna know what's happening? I'll tell you But then you came over and it hit me: Why do that? and you're about to make a huge mistake! Because of Sally.
Sally! Yes! Thank you for caring! What about us? I mean, we're still here.
And so am I! (Shattering) Holy crap! Did I just? - Let me - I did just do that! I don't know what happened.
- I happened! - That was weird.
( Soft rock ) I know it isn't right - Stop! - Wait.
I can't do this.
Don't you ever I don't know.
Don't you ever feel like she's watching? Well, I don't know about that.
Who you gonna run to now Maybe this is a bad idea.
I think I should go.
(Sally exhaling) (Josh): "Hey, Josh, how about a cup of coffee "and a 10-mile hike through the woods?" "Sounds great, Ray!" Couldn't do this in a coffee shop! We need to be out here.
- For what? - Your education.
You're a dangerous man, to yourself and to others.
Think I don't know that? So we're gonna teach you to transform safely.
Rule number one: No one gets hurt.
All right? We don't wanna kill anyone or turn them.
Am I right? So, what's rule number 2? Well, normally, you steer clear of vampires, but you've already crapped the bed on that one.
What's the deal there, anyway? Anytime I've ever been around vamps, they're breaking their foot off in my ass.
No, Aidan's not like that.
He's one of the good ones.
Oh sure, he must be part of that soft-and-cuddly sect of vampires I've been hearing about.
Hey, how'd you find me, anyway? Same way I find any of us: papers, websites.
I look for patterns.
Gloucester has so strange animal deaths.
You tore up a lot of deer in these woods, my friend.
Have you, um Are there others? Not in these woods.
This is it! This is what? School.
You change into a werewolf in here? Nah.
Somebody stumbles across this place, you'll both be screwed.
Nah, this place, it's just somewhere to keep your stuff dry and safe.
Now the key to an easy-and-simple werewolf transformation is preparation.
First thing to pack is a change of clothes, naturally! Next up we have wet wipes to clean yourself off.
I prefer fresh scent.
You look like a citrus guy.
(Chuckles) Disposable cell phone for emergencies.
- Right.
- Water.
For before and after.
I've found that the change goes a little smoother if you're hydrated.
PB-and-J, in case you don't eat while you're changed.
Has your stomach adjusted yet? Adjusted to what? A wolf's stomach processes food different than a person's.
First few times after changing, I found myself throwing up all the animals that I'd eaten.
Wolf would chow down on some crazy stuff.
That ever happen to you? I think the wolf eats its own poo.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the worst.
Are you sure this isn't safer than running around out there? I mean, no one's safe with us roaming the forest.
That's where this guy comes in! What is that, a steak? Rump roast, to be exact! Now, we have about a couple of hours or so after sunset before we change, right? Yeah.
So we use this time to take our little friend here for a walk, right? Using this place as a centre point, we walk around in a circle, about a mile or so in diameter.
That night, you change.
Wolf will pick up the scent and spend his evening hunting down this delicious bit of prime beef! So, the wolf just walks around in a circle.
No straying, no running into Bambi.
Ha! What's rule number one? No one gets hurt.
(Laughing) That's right! (Knocking on door) Did you bring it? God, I'm starving! That's not as potent as what you're used to.
Works for you, doesn't it? It's not the same rush as the live stuff.
It's methadone.
It's powdered milk.
It's blood! Also, it tastes not It just takes some getting used to.
Rebecca, that was - I can't do this.
- all I brought.
No, I gotta go.
I gotta - Hey, hey, hey.
Come here.
- No! Listen, you're gonna be OK.
You're gonna be all right.
I know I got to run away - I haven't eaten in days.
- OK, uh I can get more.
I just need to go back to the house.
No You don't really want Any more from me Stay.
To make things right You need someone Please, Aidan.
Don't do this.
Please, Aidan.
Just But I'm sorry I don't pray that way (Biting) (Moaning) (Breathing heavily) Vampire blood ain't much better than hospital blood.
It's good.
You taste good.
Tainted love Tainted love (Exhaling) Oh, that was good.
That That can't happen again.
Why? It's not like we killed anybody.
Rebecca, I wanna help you.
I do.
But I've been here before.
Blood leads to bloodlust.
Bloodlust leads to bloodshed.
No.
No, no, no, no.
We have to nip it in the bud.
So that's it? I have to live like an anorexic nun? I think this might be too much for me.
The longer that you abstain, the more that you will appreciate the reason why you're doing it.
You're so full of it.
You know it felt good to bite into flesh, drink it till you can't see straight.
I needed to feed.
But I think maybe you needed this more.
Ah And I think maybe you might still be hungry.
Mmm! (Aidan moaning) Oh! And they're picking up the glass I knocked over, and then he gives her the "I'm gonna make out with you" look.
No, he didn't! Actually, he didn't, because I was all: "Ahh!" And then they heard it or they felt it because then they just stopped.
- You pencil jammed him! - From beyond the grave.
It was the Death Star of pencil jams.
Hey, there he is! Hey, man.
What's shaking? Hey, Ray.
You split Danny and your friend up? Yeah.
Yeah.
And I broke a wine glass with my brain.
- Who's ready for crepes? - Oh, hell yeah! So, you guys really hit it off.
Yeah, the man knows his way around a rump roast.
He knows his stuff.
You all right? You look a little off.
- Uh - I know that look.
Someone got some stink last night.
(Laughing): Oh, I see it! (Josh): Did you? Did you? (Laughing) Did you get some stink? Yeah, I'm not pulling that off.
You want a crepe? No.
Hey, you were right, actually.
Ray's a pretty decent guy.
He doesn't have a place to stay.
I was thinking maybe he could crash here for a while.
Really? Because we hardly know him.
Well, you're the one who told me to give him a chance.
So, what you worried about having more than one werewolf in the house? Of course not! Good.
Hold on.
Can you talk this over with Sally? (Ray): Think of those two (Josh): My god! Seriously? getting all up on each other.
(Sally panting) If not for you, there definitely would have been digital manipulation.
(Grunts) Yeah! She's cool with it.
(Sally giggling) I feel like selling my things I feel like being alone Can't tell if I'm all confused After I hung up the phone Glad to hear you're feeling stronger And that you're ready to grow Did you know that I was in your way Thanks for saying it Now I know Ooh ooh Ooh Ooh so this is how these things go Ooh ooh ooh So this is how these things Check-out in the end We need another round.
I wanna make a toast to my favourite time of the month.
(Chuckling) The moon's almost ripe.
Everything we are is just under the skin.
Strength is there.
Senses are heightened.
You smell that? What? Women.
You ever have sex around this time? (Man): Hey, Chuck.
How are you? Nope.
It's crazy train.
Yeah.
(Woman laughing) I haven't had any relationships since this happened to me.
Yeah, I don't want anyone to get hurt.
Rule number one, right? I'm not asking about relationships.
I'm asking about bangin'.
Women love the wolf.
You guys hungry? Wanna see some menus? Um I'm hungry, but what I want ain't on the menu.
Wow, that's original.
I'm sorry if that was crass, but I'm just trying to cut through all the bull.
I'm telling the truth.
I think you're drop-dead beautiful.
Well, go on.
I want to buy you a drink, maybe 2, and see what happens.
But I'm willing to bet that after a drink, maybe 2, we end up in bed.
Well, I don't drink.
Here's my number.
I get off at 1:00.
I'll actually take some potato skins.
(Chuckling) Is that the wolf or was that you? Does it matter? The day before the day we're a little of both, aren't we? You should try it sometime.
No, that's not really my style.
It's not just about getting laid.
It's about grabbing life by the throat.
And making it sing.
That's why they hate us, you know? Vampires are dead and we're alive, so they beat us and they kick us everyday until our friend, the moon, gets nice and fat.
Then it's our turn.
We get to sit on the throne and shove their faces into the street.
Do you have any idea what the 2 of us can do to them this time of the month? Not all vampires are bad.
Aiden's different.
Aiden is different.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
To the wolf.
(Chuckling) To the wolf.
Yeah 'cause you wanna tear me apart (Siren in distance) You don't just want to break me You wanna tear me apart (Sighing) (Sniffing) (Siren in distance) Great! Where's my blood? Where's my blood? I'm sorry, man.
I had to make room for those beauties.
Where is it? It was an emergency, man.
You know, I didn't want my "rumpers" to go bad.
Where? It's right over there.
I figured you can get some more down at the hospital, you know, or just jump someone down an alley.
(Chuckling) Full moon's coming soon.
Yep! Can't wait for it.
Yeah, it's been great, the help you've given Josh, but you will be moving on after this moon.
Yeah, I bet you like that, huh? It'd be for the best.
Your welcome's wearing a bit thin here.
Josh might have something different to say about that.
Josh will do what's right.
Who's to say what's right, huh? Some guy who's actually shown him how to survive, how to thrive, or some undead thing that lets him tag along like a pet.
It's only a matter of time before he realizes and sees you for the leech you are.
Oh, you picked the wrong time to screw with me, Ray.
What are you gonna do? Rip me to shreds in this kitchen and prove to your friend, Josh, what a murderous scum we both know you to be? (Josh): Is a bagel good for a hangover? (Heart beating) Aiden.
Aiden? Uh, what? (Cash register beeping) Hi.
Doe eyes.
How are you? Fine.
I haven't been screamed at by any nurses in a month or so.
Yeah.
I'm I'm sorry about that.
It was a monster of a day, and honestly, it wasn't your fault.
(Woman on PA): Dr.
Brown, please pick up line 5.
(Clears throat) It's really fine.
Let me buy you a Let me buy you a coffee.
Oh, that's OK.
No, please.
I insist.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
Um, I'll get the next one.
All right.
Uh So, are you hungry? 'Cause I am.
But what I want ain't on this menu.
What menu? Listen, I know you're as busy as you are hot, so I'm gonna make this "swort and sheet".
Short and sweet.
What time do you get off? Why? 'Cause I want to take you out, buy you a drink maybe 2, maybe 3 and 4.
And just see at happens.
And what do you think is gonna happen? Well, I'm willing to bet that after that drink or 4, we end up in sex.
In bed.
Sexing in bed.
Or whatever.
Wow! Um, that's pretty just (Chuckles) Wow! Um, what's your name? Josh.
Josh.
Right, yeah.
Um, I'd like to continue this conversation.
Really? But I'm incredibly busy.
So busy, in fact, that I don't have time to go to Human Resources and tell them what a disgusting, harassing cretin they have working here as an orderly.
So, let's just say you talk to me again, it's your ass.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
(Sighing) What was that? What? I was channelling my inner wolf.
OK.
So the wolf never wants to have sex again either.
Who taught you this crap? Ray? Ray? My friend, Ray? Yeah, he did.
He taught me a lot of things.
What the hell's wrong with you? I don't know.
Tell you what, when you're off tonight, wherever you've been for the past who knows how many nights, maybe it'll come to you.
You commit dating suicide and suddenly it's about me? (Siren in distance) (Door slamming) Am I a jerk? Why would I think that? I use my otherworldly powers to destroy relationships.
I'm a jerk, right? (Sighing) Danny? (Sighing) Why did it have to be Bridget? (Inhaling) You love Danny, right? And Bridget? When she's not rubbing her bits all over my fiancée, yeah, she's the best.
So what could be better than 2 people that you love coming together over the love that they share for you? They're not sharing the love, Mr.
Hallmark.
They're dancing on my grave.
Sally.
(Sighing) This life gets bitterly cold.
Sometimes you just need to cling to the person that you can claw your way out of the dark with.
Danny and Bridget, they may not be kismet, but we all deserve a shot at a normal life.
They do, you do.
You do.
(Sighing) Maybe.
( Humming ) (Sally, echoing): Bridget, it's OK.
( Stops humming ) ( Humming ) Bridget, I know you probably can't hear me, but I don't know what else to do.
I need you to know that it's OK.
I get it.
Please, go to him.
Hello? Is someone there? This place is really nice.
Yeah.
And it's been around forever.
Uh, I think they redecorated.
The food looks good.
Really colourful.
(Chuckling) (Inhaling) (Cutlery clattering) Aiden.
Just, uh, just try.
(Both sighing) (Rumbling) (Heart beating) (Crunching) Uh, so, how was your day anyway? All alone in the city (Both panting) It's like I found my mind (Siren in distance) Broken bottles And broken bones Keep dreaming on the edge of the night (Both moaning) I don't wanna go I don't wanna go back to the city School is over.
You have absorbed every morsel of knowledge I have to offer.
(Both chuckling) Thanks, Ray.
I mean that.
What do you say we celebrate, eh? Yeah, all right.
Where are we? Shhh! See that place? They gorge themselves in there.
Who? Who do you think? They get so stuffed with blood, they actually get stoned.
Filthy pigs.
Vampires? There are vampires in there? Yeah.
See, this is the kind of stuff your boy, Aiden, is not gonna be telling you about.
Come on! That's why I want you to know everything that these leeches are capable of! Quit running! I really don't think we should be here.
This is absolutely where we need to be tonight while we're strong! I'm proud of you, boy.
You're gonna follow my lead, and enjoy the party.
Ready to pop some ticks? (Chuckling) Excuse me! Wait! Wait! Excuse me, sir.
No, thanks.
I'm full.
(Groaning) Ray! (Grunting) (Ray laughing) (Laughing) (Thudding and Ray grunting) Ray, he's What? He's dead! He died a long time ago.
How can you just stand there? Don't you want some payback? A little retribution for all the crap we had to take from pieces of garbage like this? Day in, day out.
(Ray shouting, indistinct) Well, look at this.
A couple of strays.
You want a piece of this? Ray, let's go! I think I have a little room left.
Oh! Well, that just leaves you and I'm Ray, we need to get the hell out of here now! Hey, you're not the only one that bites! (Growling) (All grunting) (Teeth clicking) Wait! Get out of here now! He's mine! We gotta go! Come on! That's it, Josh! Tear him apart! (Growling) - Hey.
- Hi.
(Moans) It's OK.
All right.
Well, what's OK? This.
Us.
We don't have to feel guilty.
I think Sally tried to tell me.
Tell you? What I I guess.
I don't know.
I felt something.
A feeling of peace.
Wait, wait.
What? I think it was her.
(Sighing) I can't do this anymore.
Hey, sweetheart.
I can't.
It's OK, it's OK.
I brought you some.
I am not a monster, neither are you.
But we are! We are! (Tap running) Everyday is gonna make us want to rip our fingernails out if we have to keep living like this.
I can't go to a restaurant and pretend to be human, when all I want to do is eat the table next to me.
(Sniffling) I'm not that strong.
(Tap stops running) I will be strong for both of us.
I've been here before.
When you wake up in the morning, you will feel better.
Hey, guys! It's Danny! Sally? (Danny sighing) Everyone's raining Are you here? Everyone's pouring (Chuckling) Everyone's hailing Everyone's storming Sally, I Everyone's raging Are you here? Everyone's roaring Everyone's raining Everyone's pouring My love (Car honking in distance) You should've seen the look on his face when I bit him.
I mean, you know, there's surprise and there there's this-guy- almost-bit my-cheek-off kind of surprise.
(Chuckling) I can't believe I just did that.
You need a beer, my friend.
S-s-seriously, I don't do things like that.
I don't I don't beat men in alleys.
Those weren't men.
Be honest, though.
Felt good, didn't it? Hey, look at me.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh! It's all right.
You all right? I have been watching you, Josh.
And what I saw tonight (Chuckles) that look on your face when you were tearing that leech up there was joy in there.
You enjoyed it deep, deep down where the wolf lives.
You know it felt good.
(Sniffling) Wolves and werewolves, baby Scratchin' at your door
I need your help.
- You're a vampire? - You had no right to turn her.
We wanted to see what was so special.
I feel like a goddess.
It is more gruesome than you could realize.
Ahh! - I'm lonely.
- Me too.
You can move with your thoughts.
- Shut up! - Where are we? Danny's old place.
- Danny? - My fiancée.
Danny Bridget? (Insects buzzing, chirping) (Aidan): Quick what's the world's most rapidly evaporating resource? - Ahh! - Oil? What is that? Something in the bushes.
Water? Fresh air? Not even close.
It's gone But I don't even know Like a steam drill When's the last time you were truly alone? Remember the guy who took your picture? Yeah.
When you didn't think to yourself - Classic.
- Yeah.
Classic shot.
"Somebody's watching me"? (Screaming) A man can wander for an eternity these days before finding a place where he can be himself, let go - We don't want any trouble.
- Sorry.
howl at the moon.
How did we let this happen to us? Was living for the heart Um see ya.
Yeah, good night.
Thank you.
Ain't love just like fumbling in the dark? (Chuckling) She's gone 7 7 or 8 days She's gone where I don't even know Why do we insist on looking when our every impulse tells us She's gone 7 "Look away"? Ahh! She's gone where I don't even know Maybe it's because we all have something to hide.
Dust the cage That thing we bury down deep Dog's under the porch light Sleeping with his one eye open Open for beat back into the darkness with everything we have.
(Exhales) We're secretly hoping to see that the monster inside each of us is inside us all.
(Screaming) There it is.
Look hard enough, you'll see it.
You will be seen.
(Roaring) (Grunting) (Birds chirping) (Exhaling) Ah! It's OK.
It's just some clothes.
Go ahead.
It was over a mile north of here.
Who are you? Seriously, chief, just get dressed.
You're not the only one who's uncomfortable.
You know, you suck at being a werewolf.
It's almost offensive.
What are you talking about? I told you.
It's OK.
Name's Ray.
I'm a werewolf, too.
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
You took my clothes.
Least you could do is talk to me! Sorry, I don't talk to delusional people.
You know I'm telling the truth.
It's only been a coupe of hours since your last change.
Your senses are still blazing.
You could smell what I am.
Oh, for crying out loud, Josh! How do you know my name? I been at this a while, you know? I can help you.
How? Once a month, I'm an animal, a killer.
I have to run away from my home, my friends, everyone.
I have to protect the world from myself! And I can help you with that.
We could look out for each other.
We keep everyone safe.
What do you say? Thanks for the clothes.
Oh, come on! Josh! We're late.
Shower up.
Why are you dressed like a douche? Because a douche gave me these clothes.
No, sorry, a werewolf douche gave me these clothes.
- Seriously? - Oh, I'm dead serious.
Yeah, Ray the werewolf.
He's been watching me.
No.
Yes! (Microwave beeping) Just when I start to think that there's hope, like, real hope for me to be just like everybody else, I wake up and I'm in hell! I'm in hell! I died and now I'm actually in hell! What happened to you? We were just talking about how I'm in hell, but whatever, let's talk about you.
I just spent my night watching Danny and Bridget simper and swoon over each other.
If I had bodily fluids, I'd spew them.
Who is Bridget? My best friend since 3rd grade who I now realize is also a brutal whore.
You can come and go as you please now.
Yeah.
Why didn't you just leave? I didn't have control.
Apparently, I go wherever my mind goes.
I didn't wanna watch Danny and Bridget, so I left.
But then I couldn't stop thinking about them together.
Next thing I know, wham! You're watching them.
It's a vicious cycle! (Sighs) Why are you dressed like a douche? Josh met another werewolf.
Aw! .
Who's stalking him.
Ew.
I'm gonna shower.
What do I do? Well, I'll tell you what you do.
You be strong and you focus on other things.
Maybe I'll have your willpower after being around for a century or two.
(Siren wailing) (Man on PA): Blood drop 3427.
Blood, 3427.
Hold up! What are you doing? I'm transferring Mr.
Shaw.
Really? Where? There aren't any beds here.
You sure? I was sent by Dr.
Prindaar.
Maybe you could check.
Robyn? Can you get this gentleman's paperwork started? We'll get you all squared away, Mr.
Shaw.
You think I don't know how many beds I have available? No, no, it's just that Dr.
Prindaar said Dr.
Prindaar is what's clinically known as a jackass and a coward.
I already informed Dr.
Prindaar that I don't have any space for Mr.
Shaw.
That's why he had a dopey, doe-eyed, sad-looking orderly bring him down here.
He thought I'd have mercy 'cause you're doe And sad-looking.
I get it.
Go.
(Clearing throat) I don't know, man, but it's one of the drawbacks of Hey, there he is! - What are you doing here? - You ready to talk, chief? - It's Ray.
- Yeah, thanks.
You have to leave.
All I'm asking for is one cup of coffee.
- Know what? - Can we have a minute? He knows where I work? That we're roommates? Can I just say something? You want me to hang out with this lunatic? Seriously? Josh, you are a rare breed, but don't you think it might be good to spend a little time with someone like you? No.
Not really.
The one thing I've been able to do with this thing I carry around with me is keep it small.
OK? I deserve to contain my own private hell.
And now this guy pops up, and suddenly there's two of us.
If I let him in, Aidan, it all gets bigger.
You may only change once a month, but your anxiety about who you are, what you are, it consumes you.
It is not small.
(Man on PA): Dr.
Smith, please call 7428.
One cup of coffee.
Tomorrow.
Sweet! That's awesome, bro! We're not bros.
You rough with all the girls, or is it just a thing with me? - What do you want, Rebecca? - Just to talk.
I know you hate me, but you're the only one who understands.
What? Just try to remember for a second that you give a damn about me.
I need you to get me out.
Or just God, just end this now! You wanna get away from Bishop just like that.
Bishop is just the tip of the whole nasty pile of blood-lusting garbage.
'Cause the last I remember, you were having the time of your life tearing through innocent people.
I thought it made me strong, invincible.
I'm the weakest thing on earth.
But the rush, the fantasy of how I'd kill, when I'd kill, it's gone.
It's like I snapped out of twilight sleep, and now I can hear people whimper, see the fear in their eyes.
I hate what I am what I've become.
I can't stop.
I can't fight it.
Not by myself.
It's It's not your fault.
You didn't choose.
No, I didn't.
But everything I've done since turning I could stop.
You stopped.
It's not that easy.
But you could help me.
I don't know.
You wanted to help me.
Doesn't "better late than never" count for anything anymore? What time does the game start? We should be done just in time.
Ugh, vomit! - Do you have a strainer? - Yup.
(Both): Bottom-right cabinet.
You know, we could've ordered in some pizza.
You didn't have to cook.
I love cooking.
Ha! Please! I never knew you were a baseball fan.
- That's because she's not.
- Oh yeah! And you like to cook.
No, she really can't.
You should taste it before you judge.
"Oh, Danny, I love baseball and cooking "and being a slut and lying.
"Will you please do me?" Look, what is this? What are we doing here? It's dinner and baseball.
Yeah, I don't care about dinner and I don't care about the Red Sox game.
All I keep thinking about is what happened the other night.
I was wondering if we were gonna act like nothing happened.
Wanna know what's happening? I'll tell you But then you came over and it hit me: Why do that? and you're about to make a huge mistake! Because of Sally.
Sally! Yes! Thank you for caring! What about us? I mean, we're still here.
And so am I! (Shattering) Holy crap! Did I just? - Let me - I did just do that! I don't know what happened.
- I happened! - That was weird.
( Soft rock ) I know it isn't right - Stop! - Wait.
I can't do this.
Don't you ever I don't know.
Don't you ever feel like she's watching? Well, I don't know about that.
Who you gonna run to now Maybe this is a bad idea.
I think I should go.
(Sally exhaling) (Josh): "Hey, Josh, how about a cup of coffee "and a 10-mile hike through the woods?" "Sounds great, Ray!" Couldn't do this in a coffee shop! We need to be out here.
- For what? - Your education.
You're a dangerous man, to yourself and to others.
Think I don't know that? So we're gonna teach you to transform safely.
Rule number one: No one gets hurt.
All right? We don't wanna kill anyone or turn them.
Am I right? So, what's rule number 2? Well, normally, you steer clear of vampires, but you've already crapped the bed on that one.
What's the deal there, anyway? Anytime I've ever been around vamps, they're breaking their foot off in my ass.
No, Aidan's not like that.
He's one of the good ones.
Oh sure, he must be part of that soft-and-cuddly sect of vampires I've been hearing about.
Hey, how'd you find me, anyway? Same way I find any of us: papers, websites.
I look for patterns.
Gloucester has so strange animal deaths.
You tore up a lot of deer in these woods, my friend.
Have you, um Are there others? Not in these woods.
This is it! This is what? School.
You change into a werewolf in here? Nah.
Somebody stumbles across this place, you'll both be screwed.
Nah, this place, it's just somewhere to keep your stuff dry and safe.
Now the key to an easy-and-simple werewolf transformation is preparation.
First thing to pack is a change of clothes, naturally! Next up we have wet wipes to clean yourself off.
I prefer fresh scent.
You look like a citrus guy.
(Chuckles) Disposable cell phone for emergencies.
- Right.
- Water.
For before and after.
I've found that the change goes a little smoother if you're hydrated.
PB-and-J, in case you don't eat while you're changed.
Has your stomach adjusted yet? Adjusted to what? A wolf's stomach processes food different than a person's.
First few times after changing, I found myself throwing up all the animals that I'd eaten.
Wolf would chow down on some crazy stuff.
That ever happen to you? I think the wolf eats its own poo.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the worst.
Are you sure this isn't safer than running around out there? I mean, no one's safe with us roaming the forest.
That's where this guy comes in! What is that, a steak? Rump roast, to be exact! Now, we have about a couple of hours or so after sunset before we change, right? Yeah.
So we use this time to take our little friend here for a walk, right? Using this place as a centre point, we walk around in a circle, about a mile or so in diameter.
That night, you change.
Wolf will pick up the scent and spend his evening hunting down this delicious bit of prime beef! So, the wolf just walks around in a circle.
No straying, no running into Bambi.
Ha! What's rule number one? No one gets hurt.
(Laughing) That's right! (Knocking on door) Did you bring it? God, I'm starving! That's not as potent as what you're used to.
Works for you, doesn't it? It's not the same rush as the live stuff.
It's methadone.
It's powdered milk.
It's blood! Also, it tastes not It just takes some getting used to.
Rebecca, that was - I can't do this.
- all I brought.
No, I gotta go.
I gotta - Hey, hey, hey.
Come here.
- No! Listen, you're gonna be OK.
You're gonna be all right.
I know I got to run away - I haven't eaten in days.
- OK, uh I can get more.
I just need to go back to the house.
No You don't really want Any more from me Stay.
To make things right You need someone Please, Aidan.
Don't do this.
Please, Aidan.
Just But I'm sorry I don't pray that way (Biting) (Moaning) (Breathing heavily) Vampire blood ain't much better than hospital blood.
It's good.
You taste good.
Tainted love Tainted love (Exhaling) Oh, that was good.
That That can't happen again.
Why? It's not like we killed anybody.
Rebecca, I wanna help you.
I do.
But I've been here before.
Blood leads to bloodlust.
Bloodlust leads to bloodshed.
No.
No, no, no, no.
We have to nip it in the bud.
So that's it? I have to live like an anorexic nun? I think this might be too much for me.
The longer that you abstain, the more that you will appreciate the reason why you're doing it.
You're so full of it.
You know it felt good to bite into flesh, drink it till you can't see straight.
I needed to feed.
But I think maybe you needed this more.
Ah And I think maybe you might still be hungry.
Mmm! (Aidan moaning) Oh! And they're picking up the glass I knocked over, and then he gives her the "I'm gonna make out with you" look.
No, he didn't! Actually, he didn't, because I was all: "Ahh!" And then they heard it or they felt it because then they just stopped.
- You pencil jammed him! - From beyond the grave.
It was the Death Star of pencil jams.
Hey, there he is! Hey, man.
What's shaking? Hey, Ray.
You split Danny and your friend up? Yeah.
Yeah.
And I broke a wine glass with my brain.
- Who's ready for crepes? - Oh, hell yeah! So, you guys really hit it off.
Yeah, the man knows his way around a rump roast.
He knows his stuff.
You all right? You look a little off.
- Uh - I know that look.
Someone got some stink last night.
(Laughing): Oh, I see it! (Josh): Did you? Did you? (Laughing) Did you get some stink? Yeah, I'm not pulling that off.
You want a crepe? No.
Hey, you were right, actually.
Ray's a pretty decent guy.
He doesn't have a place to stay.
I was thinking maybe he could crash here for a while.
Really? Because we hardly know him.
Well, you're the one who told me to give him a chance.
So, what you worried about having more than one werewolf in the house? Of course not! Good.
Hold on.
Can you talk this over with Sally? (Ray): Think of those two (Josh): My god! Seriously? getting all up on each other.
(Sally panting) If not for you, there definitely would have been digital manipulation.
(Grunts) Yeah! She's cool with it.
(Sally giggling) I feel like selling my things I feel like being alone Can't tell if I'm all confused After I hung up the phone Glad to hear you're feeling stronger And that you're ready to grow Did you know that I was in your way Thanks for saying it Now I know Ooh ooh Ooh Ooh so this is how these things go Ooh ooh ooh So this is how these things Check-out in the end We need another round.
I wanna make a toast to my favourite time of the month.
(Chuckling) The moon's almost ripe.
Everything we are is just under the skin.
Strength is there.
Senses are heightened.
You smell that? What? Women.
You ever have sex around this time? (Man): Hey, Chuck.
How are you? Nope.
It's crazy train.
Yeah.
(Woman laughing) I haven't had any relationships since this happened to me.
Yeah, I don't want anyone to get hurt.
Rule number one, right? I'm not asking about relationships.
I'm asking about bangin'.
Women love the wolf.
You guys hungry? Wanna see some menus? Um I'm hungry, but what I want ain't on the menu.
Wow, that's original.
I'm sorry if that was crass, but I'm just trying to cut through all the bull.
I'm telling the truth.
I think you're drop-dead beautiful.
Well, go on.
I want to buy you a drink, maybe 2, and see what happens.
But I'm willing to bet that after a drink, maybe 2, we end up in bed.
Well, I don't drink.
Here's my number.
I get off at 1:00.
I'll actually take some potato skins.
(Chuckling) Is that the wolf or was that you? Does it matter? The day before the day we're a little of both, aren't we? You should try it sometime.
No, that's not really my style.
It's not just about getting laid.
It's about grabbing life by the throat.
And making it sing.
That's why they hate us, you know? Vampires are dead and we're alive, so they beat us and they kick us everyday until our friend, the moon, gets nice and fat.
Then it's our turn.
We get to sit on the throne and shove their faces into the street.
Do you have any idea what the 2 of us can do to them this time of the month? Not all vampires are bad.
Aiden's different.
Aiden is different.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
To the wolf.
(Chuckling) To the wolf.
Yeah 'cause you wanna tear me apart (Siren in distance) You don't just want to break me You wanna tear me apart (Sighing) (Sniffing) (Siren in distance) Great! Where's my blood? Where's my blood? I'm sorry, man.
I had to make room for those beauties.
Where is it? It was an emergency, man.
You know, I didn't want my "rumpers" to go bad.
Where? It's right over there.
I figured you can get some more down at the hospital, you know, or just jump someone down an alley.
(Chuckling) Full moon's coming soon.
Yep! Can't wait for it.
Yeah, it's been great, the help you've given Josh, but you will be moving on after this moon.
Yeah, I bet you like that, huh? It'd be for the best.
Your welcome's wearing a bit thin here.
Josh might have something different to say about that.
Josh will do what's right.
Who's to say what's right, huh? Some guy who's actually shown him how to survive, how to thrive, or some undead thing that lets him tag along like a pet.
It's only a matter of time before he realizes and sees you for the leech you are.
Oh, you picked the wrong time to screw with me, Ray.
What are you gonna do? Rip me to shreds in this kitchen and prove to your friend, Josh, what a murderous scum we both know you to be? (Josh): Is a bagel good for a hangover? (Heart beating) Aiden.
Aiden? Uh, what? (Cash register beeping) Hi.
Doe eyes.
How are you? Fine.
I haven't been screamed at by any nurses in a month or so.
Yeah.
I'm I'm sorry about that.
It was a monster of a day, and honestly, it wasn't your fault.
(Woman on PA): Dr.
Brown, please pick up line 5.
(Clears throat) It's really fine.
Let me buy you a Let me buy you a coffee.
Oh, that's OK.
No, please.
I insist.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
Um, I'll get the next one.
All right.
Uh So, are you hungry? 'Cause I am.
But what I want ain't on this menu.
What menu? Listen, I know you're as busy as you are hot, so I'm gonna make this "swort and sheet".
Short and sweet.
What time do you get off? Why? 'Cause I want to take you out, buy you a drink maybe 2, maybe 3 and 4.
And just see at happens.
And what do you think is gonna happen? Well, I'm willing to bet that after that drink or 4, we end up in sex.
In bed.
Sexing in bed.
Or whatever.
Wow! Um, that's pretty just (Chuckles) Wow! Um, what's your name? Josh.
Josh.
Right, yeah.
Um, I'd like to continue this conversation.
Really? But I'm incredibly busy.
So busy, in fact, that I don't have time to go to Human Resources and tell them what a disgusting, harassing cretin they have working here as an orderly.
So, let's just say you talk to me again, it's your ass.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
(Sighing) What was that? What? I was channelling my inner wolf.
OK.
So the wolf never wants to have sex again either.
Who taught you this crap? Ray? Ray? My friend, Ray? Yeah, he did.
He taught me a lot of things.
What the hell's wrong with you? I don't know.
Tell you what, when you're off tonight, wherever you've been for the past who knows how many nights, maybe it'll come to you.
You commit dating suicide and suddenly it's about me? (Siren in distance) (Door slamming) Am I a jerk? Why would I think that? I use my otherworldly powers to destroy relationships.
I'm a jerk, right? (Sighing) Danny? (Sighing) Why did it have to be Bridget? (Inhaling) You love Danny, right? And Bridget? When she's not rubbing her bits all over my fiancée, yeah, she's the best.
So what could be better than 2 people that you love coming together over the love that they share for you? They're not sharing the love, Mr.
Hallmark.
They're dancing on my grave.
Sally.
(Sighing) This life gets bitterly cold.
Sometimes you just need to cling to the person that you can claw your way out of the dark with.
Danny and Bridget, they may not be kismet, but we all deserve a shot at a normal life.
They do, you do.
You do.
(Sighing) Maybe.
( Humming ) (Sally, echoing): Bridget, it's OK.
( Stops humming ) ( Humming ) Bridget, I know you probably can't hear me, but I don't know what else to do.
I need you to know that it's OK.
I get it.
Please, go to him.
Hello? Is someone there? This place is really nice.
Yeah.
And it's been around forever.
Uh, I think they redecorated.
The food looks good.
Really colourful.
(Chuckling) (Inhaling) (Cutlery clattering) Aiden.
Just, uh, just try.
(Both sighing) (Rumbling) (Heart beating) (Crunching) Uh, so, how was your day anyway? All alone in the city (Both panting) It's like I found my mind (Siren in distance) Broken bottles And broken bones Keep dreaming on the edge of the night (Both moaning) I don't wanna go I don't wanna go back to the city School is over.
You have absorbed every morsel of knowledge I have to offer.
(Both chuckling) Thanks, Ray.
I mean that.
What do you say we celebrate, eh? Yeah, all right.
Where are we? Shhh! See that place? They gorge themselves in there.
Who? Who do you think? They get so stuffed with blood, they actually get stoned.
Filthy pigs.
Vampires? There are vampires in there? Yeah.
See, this is the kind of stuff your boy, Aiden, is not gonna be telling you about.
Come on! That's why I want you to know everything that these leeches are capable of! Quit running! I really don't think we should be here.
This is absolutely where we need to be tonight while we're strong! I'm proud of you, boy.
You're gonna follow my lead, and enjoy the party.
Ready to pop some ticks? (Chuckling) Excuse me! Wait! Wait! Excuse me, sir.
No, thanks.
I'm full.
(Groaning) Ray! (Grunting) (Ray laughing) (Laughing) (Thudding and Ray grunting) Ray, he's What? He's dead! He died a long time ago.
How can you just stand there? Don't you want some payback? A little retribution for all the crap we had to take from pieces of garbage like this? Day in, day out.
(Ray shouting, indistinct) Well, look at this.
A couple of strays.
You want a piece of this? Ray, let's go! I think I have a little room left.
Oh! Well, that just leaves you and I'm Ray, we need to get the hell out of here now! Hey, you're not the only one that bites! (Growling) (All grunting) (Teeth clicking) Wait! Get out of here now! He's mine! We gotta go! Come on! That's it, Josh! Tear him apart! (Growling) - Hey.
- Hi.
(Moans) It's OK.
All right.
Well, what's OK? This.
Us.
We don't have to feel guilty.
I think Sally tried to tell me.
Tell you? What I I guess.
I don't know.
I felt something.
A feeling of peace.
Wait, wait.
What? I think it was her.
(Sighing) I can't do this anymore.
Hey, sweetheart.
I can't.
It's OK, it's OK.
I brought you some.
I am not a monster, neither are you.
But we are! We are! (Tap running) Everyday is gonna make us want to rip our fingernails out if we have to keep living like this.
I can't go to a restaurant and pretend to be human, when all I want to do is eat the table next to me.
(Sniffling) I'm not that strong.
(Tap stops running) I will be strong for both of us.
I've been here before.
When you wake up in the morning, you will feel better.
Hey, guys! It's Danny! Sally? (Danny sighing) Everyone's raining Are you here? Everyone's pouring (Chuckling) Everyone's hailing Everyone's storming Sally, I Everyone's raging Are you here? Everyone's roaring Everyone's raining Everyone's pouring My love (Car honking in distance) You should've seen the look on his face when I bit him.
I mean, you know, there's surprise and there there's this-guy- almost-bit my-cheek-off kind of surprise.
(Chuckling) I can't believe I just did that.
You need a beer, my friend.
S-s-seriously, I don't do things like that.
I don't I don't beat men in alleys.
Those weren't men.
Be honest, though.
Felt good, didn't it? Hey, look at me.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh! It's all right.
You all right? I have been watching you, Josh.
And what I saw tonight (Chuckles) that look on your face when you were tearing that leech up there was joy in there.
You enjoyed it deep, deep down where the wolf lives.
You know it felt good.
(Sniffling) Wolves and werewolves, baby Scratchin' at your door