Best Friends Whenever (2015) s01e04 Episode Script

Does Diesel look okay to you? He has patchy hair, flaky skin and drippy eyes.
So, same as always.
Looks like he's been eating old food mixed in with my clothes.
Oh, that explains why my mom washed a taco.
Oh, my gosh, is this a pizza-slam-rito from seventh grade? I mean, a pepperoni pizza wrapped in beans and guacamole? That ad campaign should not have bragged about it giving you "flavor twitches".
Pizza-slam-rito, I love these things.
Of course I remember that song.
It's the same as your song for cleaning the bathroom.
Which is why I'm the one that cleans the bathroom.
Now I really want a pizza-slam-rito.
Hey, let's time travel back to the day before the health board banned them for being "tummy-busting.
" Why aren't we jumping? Tighter! Tighter! Put some muscle into it, woman! It's not working! Maybe our power's broken.
Guess I'll just have to eat this old pizza-slam-rito.
Ooh, too late, I think Diesel beat you to it.
Lucky dog.
He's got my flavor twitches.
Barry! Shelby and I tried to time travel and it didn't work.
Is it possible we've lost our power? One second, I'm just doing some quick calculations.
So? Did we lose our power to time travel? No idea.
I was just calculating what percent of this applesauce is cricket parts.
It really should be zero.
Applesauce is made out of apples, but barbecue sauce goes on barbecue.
Sauces, right? I can't believe we lost our power.
This is awful! Shelby, why don't you think this is awful? You've been so quiet and you're terrified of silence.
I am not terrified of silence.
Okay, nobody talk for ten seconds.
Fine! I'm blocking us from time traveling! And buffalo sauce isn't made of buffalo and doesn't go on buffalo.
What do you mean "blocking us"? Well, when you hugged me to jump back for a pizza-slam-rito, I concentrated really hard on not jumping and we didn't.
You jammed my jump? Barry, is that even possible? Well, according to this calculation, this milk has exceeded the recommended daily allowance of millipede.
Which, again, should be zero.
And why isn't it called "salad sauce"? What the heck is "dressing"? Why is no one concerned about this? You know, I think Naldo's onto something.
Dressing, right? No, don't change the subject.
Why don't you want to go back to that day? Is there something you're hiding? What? Does this look like the face of somebody hiding something? This might just be the millipede milk talking, but I think she's hiding something.
These results make no sense.
A meatless burger should not have human DNA! Maybe you're doing it the wrong way.
I'm doing it the wrong way.
Oh, you're serious.
Well, I'm doing it with science.
Some problems can't be solved with the brain in here, they have to be solved with the brain in here.
That's your heart.
Yeah, that's the brain I'm talking about! You have to see it in here.
You have to believe.
Renaldo, you can't believe something into being.
That's not science, that's hogwash.
Barry, as someone who's been washed by a hog, I find that offensive.
Can you guys help us build model rockets for science class? One of us can and one of us can't.
We want the one who can.
This is the perfect opportunity for Renaldo and me to settle a disagreement we've been having about which scientific approach is best.
Nice going, Bret.
You set him off on a tangent.
Then it is decided, I will take Chet Nope! Bret.
And we will build a rocket using our brains.
And I will take Bret Nope.
Chet.
And we will make a rocket fly, by using our hearts.
Wait a minute, Renaldo.
Did you say you'd been washed by a hog? I got the good one.
Slam-rito! What are you doing? You're jamming us from traveling back to pizza-slam-rito day, so I gotta resort to the sneak attack.
You're trying to jack my jam? 'Cause you're jamming my jump! Cyd, I'm not going to back to pizza-slam-rito day.
Oh, you will.
I'm gonna roll you, hole you, and when you least expect it, guacamole you.
Slam! Rito! Slam-rito! Jump jammed! Ooh, I really like your socks.
Wait, come back, I fell asleep! Can you open the window, please? Slam-rito! I really had faith in that one.
Come on, Shelby.
Why won't you go back to that day? What are you trying to hide? Okay, fine.
The reason I don't wanna go back to that day was because that's the day my cat ran away.
Nope.
I went over my data plan.
Nuh-uh.
A third reason.
Okay, you leave me no choice.
I'm gonna do the one thing that makes you let your guard down.
No.
No.
Not the doomsday option.
You promised we would never go there.
You brought this on yourself.
Ticky, ticky, ticky, ticky, ticky, ticky.
It's not just the tickling! Ticky, ticky, ticky.
It's the way you say "ticky, ticky!" Ticky, ticky, ticky.
It's so weird! Ticky, ticky, ticky.
Yes, pizza-slam-rito, we're back in seventh grade.
Stupid doomsday option.
Let's take a time selfie and see what we looked like back now.
Ooh, my awkward phase.
It was my awkward phase too.
Remember, my mom wouldn't let me shave my legs? It was the summer of pants.
Yep, awkward for both of us.
Let's go back.
Look, there's Jen.
She's handing out invitations.
Wait, this is the day Jen didn't invite us to her birthday party.
That's why you didn't want to come back here.
Well, yeah, you were so bummed when she invited the whole school except us.
You were just trying to protect me from reliving that, weren't you? Yeah.
So come on, let's get out of here.
We don't need to relive her not inviting us to her party.
I'm inviting you to my party.
I don't get it.
In the original past, Jen never invited us, so why is this past different? Because, um, ooh, pizza-slam-rito.
Wow! Those flavor twitches really come at ya.
Jen, invited us to her party.
Why is this past different than I remember? Maybe your memory isn't as sharp as it used to be.
I mean, face it, Cyd, you're getting old.
Did you hear that, Cyd? I said you're getting old! Let's go back to the present.
No, we're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on.
Do you really want to live through middle school again? This was the year you got your first peer Ugh, not my first peer Yep.
Your first peer counseling session with Ms.
Kemper.
And all she wanted to do was talk about your period.
Ugh, I cannot go through that again! Look, Cyd, Jen did invite us to her party.
But in that past, she gave me the invitations.
I threw them out and let you think we were never invited.
But you knew how much I wanted to be friends with Jen.
She's cool, she's real, and she's comfortable enough with herself to fart in front of dudes.
I was trying to protect you.
I mean, Jen is bad news, with her tattoos and her purple hair and a third reason.
I can't believe I've missed out on two years of cool times with Jen.
I'm gonna go get me some of that.
Wait, I'll fart in front of dudes with you! The mind is willing but the body isn't.
Bret, why are you dressed like me? I always dress like the person I'm playing with.
Why do you think I dress like Chet? Because you're identical twins.
That's crazy talk.
Okay, then.
It's time for us to use our brains to build this rocket.
But first, we must ask ourselves the question every scientist asks before beginning a project, "Why?" Why? Exactly.
You're catching on quick.
Why? Well, clearly I'm an excellent teacher.
Why? Okay, stop asking me why.
Why? That was a test.
Never stop asking why! Sorry to interrupt, Barry.
I just wanted to get a quick snack.
Why? Gosh, I never thought about it.
Am I hungry or am I just bored? So, Renaldo, as you can see, we're off to a good start using our brains.
How's your heart rocket coming? "Heart Rocket"! That's an awesome name for a band.
Shuds! I thought I was mocking you, but it is an awesome name for a band.
How about this? How is your heart-quest for rocketry going? "Heart-quest for rocketry" could be Heart Rocket's first single.
Shuds! It is the perfect name for Heart Rocket's first single.
Anyway, it's going great.
We're getting really close.
Gotta go.
You're right, I don't need this.
I was just hungry.
You hear that? Renaldo and Chet are getting really close to finishing their rocket.
We need to spy on them and observe their progress.
I am talking espionage.
Duplicity.
The subtle art of covert operations.
Are you with me? You have bushy eyebrows.
So now Cyd is off trying to cram two years of cool times with Jen into one day.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right, Little Barry? I wish you would stop calling me "Little Barry.
" It bothers me.
I'm already 12 and I haven't hit my growth spurt yet.
Aw, don't worry.
It'll happen.
Probably in two years.
Yeah.
I bet in two years I'll be taller and powerfully muscled and super cool! Well, you'll be taller.
Jen, we are having some cool times right now! What do you say we get into some trouble and make some memories? You down for that? Whatever.
Wow! You said it and it's tattooed on your knuckles! I've never seen someone care so much about not caring.
Gah! Jen is already a bad influence on Cyd! Before you know it, they'll drop out of school, go on a crime spree, go to prison, get paroled, get offered a spot in a jail-to-job program called the Second Chance Bakery but they won't take it 'cause they're bad girls! What are you talking about? Jen's really nice, even when I laugh at her misplaced modifiers.
"At six months old, my father built a house for me.
" She's making it sound like her father is a baby contractor! That's hilarious.
A baby can't get a contracting license in the state of Oregon.
Well, that is not why it's funny.
Maybe Jen is nice to you, but just look at her.
That purple hair, those tattoos.
Those tattoos are temporary.
She spends her weekends giving them to kids at the hospital.
And she even has "whatever" on her knuckles, because she'll do whatever it takes for those kids.
But that would mean I was judging Jen without getting to know her first.
Is that what I was doing? Actually, Jen reminds me a lot of Cyd.
They're both tough on the outside, but sweet on the inside.
Like this coconut.
Which I've been carrying around with me in case I needed to make an analogy.
Your work here is done.
Oh, my gosh! Jen and Cyd do have a lot in common.
Maybe deep down, that's what I was afraid of when I threw out Jen's invitations.
I've gotta go.
Thanks, Little Barry.
Hey, buddy.
Renaldo, you had your growth spurt two months ago.
Why are you still wearing your old clothes? 'Cause you haven't had your growth spurt.
We made a pact.
I don't shop in the men's section until you shop in the men's section.
Bros before grows.
Thanks, Renaldo.
Growing up is hard.
I know.
Just like this coconut.
Can you believe someone threw away this perfectly good analogy coconut? For the past hour, all Renaldo and Chet have been doing is staring up at the sky.
How could they possibly be close to completing their rocket? But I know Renaldo, he wouldn't lie and say they were close unless they were close.
I'm so happy that this project has allowed us to get so close.
To each other.
And become friends.
Which is what I meant by close.
We are close, aren't we? I was just telling Barry how close we are.
He seemed genuinely interested in our closeness.
I can't hear what they're saying.
If only I could get closer.
But I can't go out there, they'd recognize me.
And the only disguise I have is too small for me.
I need someone smaller who would fit into it.
But who? I'll go get Chet, he loves spying.
No! We're spying on Chet! You have to do it.
Chet's gonna be so jealous.
I'm gonna go tell him.
Home base to Bret.
Move into position.
When do we get to see our rocket fly? A rocket doesn't fly until you believe it does.
I can't hear.
Implement phase two.
Close your eyes, Chet.
But how will I see the rocket if I close my eyes? You're not gonna see it fly with your face eyes, you're gonna see it fly with your heart eyes.
Do you know how the body works? No, but I believe it does.
Oh, thank goodness, they have no idea what they're doing.
Bret, get back in here.
This is no time to spy! We have a rocket to build! Bret, what's taking so long? Diesel's in my pot.
Well, get him out.
I can't.
I think I'm his territory now.
Little Barry, I've looked everywhere for Cyd and Jen, but I can't find them.
And why are you suddenly taller? If I don't do this, Renaldo will continue to look silly.
I really want to find Cyd to apologize.
I never should have stopped her from being friends with Jen.
Why would I think Jen would get her into trouble? You girls are in deep trouble! I'm gonna go tell your principal.
I'm taking you downtown.
But first, have one of these delicious cookies I made.
Because in the joint, it's nothing but bologna sandwiches and toilet punch! So no cookies? I can't believe we boosted that case of pizza-slam-ritos.
One afternoon with you and I'm already in the back seat of a police car.
Man, you are so tough.
I'm so scared! Okay, a little less tough.
Everyone warned me, "Okay, stay away from the girl who wore pants all summer, "she is bad news.
" But I didn't wanna judge you.
I should've judged you! Judge me? But you're the bad girl.
You're cool times Jen with the whatever knuckles! And why are they rubbing off all over your face? They're temporary! Whoa, Jen, I'm really sorry.
You know, when I said, "Let's boost that case of pizza-slam-ritos," and you said, "No, please, I don't wanna get in trouble," I thought you were being sarcastic.
But I'm beginning to think I read that wrong.
The rocket is complete.
The hatch is open.
The hatch is closed.
The skylight is open.
Ignition in T-minus five, four Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable if you changed.
He won't let me.
Three, two This is it, Chet.
See the rocket.
See it with your heart eyes.
Naldo, I see the rocket! With your heart eyes? And with my face eyes! We did it, Chet! I told you all you had to do was believe.
See that, Renaldo? We win.
That's our rocket.
That's not your rocket.
That's our rocket.
But we built it.
But we believed we would see a rocket.
And we saw a rocket.
Because I made one and launched it! Okay, Barry, I'm done with it.
It can be your rocket now.
It was always my rocket! Okay.
Let it out.
Let it out.
Let it out.
Hold it in.
Hold it in.
Hold it in.
That's worse.
Let it out.
Let it out.
Let it out.
Oh, my gosh! You guys okay? Your friend just ruined my life! Look, Jen, I know you're not gonna understand this, but I'm sorry I misjudged you.
You know, it's kind of what started this whole Wow, she's fast.
Too bad she doesn't run that fast with a case of slam-ritos on her back.
Guess I went a little overboard trying to have cool times with Jen.
Well, you were only doing it because I kept you from being friends with her in the first place.
And I know why.
You and Jen are coconuts.
Hey! I think.
I don't know.
I have no idea what that means.
I was afraid you and Jen had so much in common that you'd like her more than me.
And if you became friends, I would lose you.
So you kept me from being friends with Jen because you wanted me all to yourself? Yeah.
Do we have an unhealthy relationship? Yeah.
But it works.
I didn't want to ruin Jen's life.
The only life I wanna ruin is yours.
I am so okay with that.
Do we need help? Yeah.
So what do you say we get the heck out of this cop car? Future me! Too far in the future! Someone's coming! I can't believe we went back to that scary future lab again! And who was that man in the suit? Why you gotta assume it was a man? You know, you're right.
Women can do anything.
We are doctors, lawyers, a third thing.
We can strap people to tables and experiment on them! We will not be held back! Okay.
You know, good for that woman scientist strapping us to those tables.
Why are we suddenly on her side? She's strapping us to tables! You're right.
Let's go back to assuming it was a dude.
I hate that jerk.
Isn't it great how you can just believe in the thing you want and it will come? I'm believing in a three-foot hero.
I'm believing in a three-foot hero.
Mine's turkey and pastrami.
Mine's a really short fireman.
I'm believing in that cute girl Becky from math class.
It's happening.
And her breath smells just like I imagined.