Carters Get Rich (2017) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
1 'Ever wonder what it would be like if your 11-year-old kid earned more in a week than you do in a year? 'Welcome to my world.
'I'm Tony Carter, and this is my house and in Milton Keynes.
'The one with the yellow shed.
That's where my son Harry came up with 'Honc, an app to help him talk to girls.
'That used to be my shed.
I miss my shed 'Anyway, I don't really get social networking, 'if I did I wouldn't drive a minibus for OAPs, 'but it seems to have gone massive.
'Harry still can't talk to girls though! 'Now some big tech company wants to pay millions for it.
'But will it change us? Nah ' - - Ooh, we've got Mrs Cheung first, she's the new maths teacher, isn't she? Yeah, and she hates me.
Don't be daft, son, none of them hate you.
- You're a genius.
- Aw, how could anyone hate this face? Look at him! Look at him.
Sorry I'm running late.
Just one of those weeks I'm afraid, parents' evening, - and the year seven disco.
Madness.
- So, how's Harry doing? Well, what can I say? Brilliant.
Astonishing.
- Disappointing.
.
- [ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR.]
SHOUTING: His work has really slipped this term.
His presentation is stuffy, and I was wondering if perhaps the distractions of his multi-million pound business - is starting to affect his studies? - No, no It's Trent! TRENT: Harry Carter! Get your ass out here.
Give your billionaire investor some love! Yeah, OK, yeah, a bit distracted.
[THEME MUSIC.]
This is awesome! Wow, look at this.
Wow.
Man, I tell you, I'm a huge Tolkien fan, so all this hobbit stuff just blows me.
So, Trent, what brings you to these parts? Uninvited and totally without warning.
The tech talk down at the conference centre Friday night, they asked me to talk about Honc.
I was like, "Hell, yeah, I'm coming.
And I'm bringing Harry.
" - Awesome.
- Oh, what a shame Harry's got his school disco that night and can't make it.
[TRENT HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER.]
You didn't tell me you were a comedian! Look at that, as if Harry would miss a Tech talk for a disco! Grrrr! It's so good to meet you, T-man! Look at that.
It's like meeting Harry's other dad, isn't it? - ALL: Yeah.
- Other dad? You mean ONLY dad.
Unless there's something that you two haven't told me, eh, Liz? [SHE LAUGHS.]
- Eh? Eh? - Jamil, take a note.
I emphatically deny any rumours of a sexual relationship with the party or parties named Liz Carter.
All right So, here's the play.
Tomorrow we're going to throw a kick-ass pool party, I'm talking hula girls - Er, Trent, we don't actually have a pool.
- You don't have a pool? That's terrible.
Shauna, they don't have a pool.
- On it, Trent.
- Are you staying for tea? - Tea? - Dinner? Guys, don't leave me hanging.
Eat.
Do you want to eat? Awesome, what's on the menu, Tone-licious? Toad-in-the-hole.
Trent has a personal policy never to eat holes.
if it's all right, I think like to retire to Beddington.
It's only 7:30.
Wait, here? There's literally no place in the world I would rather be, than right here, in the hub of Casa Carter.
Bring it in guys.
There we go.
Not you.
I wanna get rich right away, right away, right away, right away Good morning, Mr Carter.
Liz, what's going on? I'll tell you what's going on, Yolanda is making bagels from scratch, Tony.
From scratch! Mum, where's my rucksack? And that form you had to And my lunch money.
OK.
Thank you very much.
Cool.
That's everything then, unless someone wants to give me a lift.
I have never loved you more.
Lunch money Amazing! We need to talk about what happened at parents' evening.
Oh, I know, I know.
Well, Harry was right wasn't he? Mrs Cheung hates him.
Maybe she's got a point, maybe Honc is getting in the way of school.
Buenos Dias, Carters! Oh, my god, what do we say? I literally can't speak any French.
Well, that's not French, sweetie.
Although I am a massive Francophile.
And you're letting him stay at our house? Harry, I hope you're ready, son, cos you and I have a full day of frickin' fun ahead, you in? Obviously, you don't mean a full day, because Harry's got school until 3:30.
School, schmool, I flew in from Punta Mita for you guys! Yeah, and we really appreciate that, Trent, the thing is, here on planet Earth, going school is the law.
Fine, Tony, you know why? Cos I frickin' love school.
I'm in ace at Quidditch, I can get an owl like that.
- Shauna, get me an owl.
- On it, Trent.
- You're coming to school with me? - Hell, yeah, dude.
You and me, we're going to OWN school.
- Yeah, let's own this! - Come on! Let's go to school! ROCK MUSIC - Sam.
- Here.
- Charlie.
- Here.
- Sammo.
- Here.
- Harry.
- Here.
[ THEY CHEER.]
Ye-a-a-a-ah! In your face! [CHEERING.]
Harry, are these your friends? Awesome.
- Yeah, this is - Yeah, I don't have storage space for names, son, I'm just here to see the magic in motion.
Act like I'm not here, OK? Guys? Well, this isn't weird at all.
- Love her.
- Anyway, you'll go to the disco then, Harry? Nah.
Trent - He's not here.
- Right.
Someone's doing the tech con talk and I'll just watch that instead.
I might not bother either.
Oh great, thanks a bunch, leaving me with the rest of the freaks like Natasha.
- Natasha's going? - Who's Natasha? - Just a girl.
- That you love? - Vomit.
- Oh, I see, because you love Harry.
- Um, no.
- [BELL RINGS.]
Seriously? - More school? - Until 3:30.
That's like hours.
That's No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
All right, listen up everybody.
My name is Trent, and I'm an American.
- ALL: Yeah! - Number one! Anybody know how many billionaires dropped out of college? - Huh? Anybody? - I do! - I do! - Anybody? I do! Anybody else? All of 'em.
- That's not strictly true.
- All the cool ones anyway, all right? Zuckerberg, Jobs, me Imagine what we could've accomplished if only we'd dropped out sooner.
Dammit, I could be in space right now if only I had the cojones to quit.
- So what do you say, kids? - Yeah! Yeah! Do you want to stay in school for the rest of your lives? Or do want to be a space billionaire? Come on! ALL: We're going to be space billionaires! [CHEERING AND SHOUTING.]
I didn't do anything.
I don't remember sending out the bring your internet billionaire to school day memo, do you? Oh, snap! She's got to there, bud.
I will not let you treat the school like some kind of circus.
I've got an owl delivery for Mr Harry Carter.
I love what you're doing with the zucchini there, Ethan.
Thank you ma'am.
- Up a bit, there, please, Shauna.
- Got it! I'm going to call Oliver number again.
- You're doing a great job there, Jamil.
- Thank you ma'am.
Don't worry, they know what Trent's like.
He's probably taking them base jumping or free-basing or whatever it's called.
- Hi.
- Oh.
Ellie, have you seen your brother? Of course I've seen him.
He's my brother.
- About this big - No, have you seen him today? Oh, no, not since he got suspended.
He got what?! [DOOR SLAMS.]
Mea culpa, Carters, mea culpa.
Listen, I want you to know that there is no-one to blame for this situation today - except me.
You got my son suspended.
And you went to Alton Towers without me! I told you they'd find out.
Oliver is still wearing his waterproof poncho! Heck, sorry, team! Listen, my bad, all right? Completely 100% totally, but, it's important that you know that we used the time wisely.
That's right, dad, we had an important Honc board meeting.
Tony, if I could get that teacher to undo that thingy, I totally would.
But she's a tough cookie.
Was it Mrs Cheung? Yeah, I knew it.
She's victimizing him.
He skipped school to go to Alton Towers! He deserves to be suspended.
She's picking on him.
- Where you going? - I'm going to go up that school.
Just please don't do anything Oh, God, who am I kidding? Thank you, son.
I don't know about you, but all of this fun makes me hungry.
Lucky for us, I've taken the liberty of ordering some pizza - [HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR.]
- .
.
from New York! ALL: [WHOOP AND CHEER.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Enter.
- Mrs Cheung - Sit! I just wanted to say that You wanted to tell me that I was being unfair, no? - Yes! - That Harry's a genius and that this is a special case, correct? - Well - That I should reconsider my decision, and remove the suspension.
Let me save you some time, Mrs Carter.
The answer is no.
I won't.
The truth is, Harry's work is suffering, and his behaviour today was unacceptable.
Sorry.
Oh, come on.
So he brought an American billionaire to school one day.
And? You hate him.
And you're marking him down unfairly.
I'd like to see you try prove it.
We you just watch me, Miss Mrs Cheung! - Can I go? - Dismissed.
How You Like Me Now [By The Heavy.]
Gave him my mug, Liz.
My mug! World's greatest dad.
That's MY mug.
Yeah, that's nice.
I mean as if being bullied by the other kids isn't bad enough without the teachers joining in as well.
And that pizza was stone-cold.
New York, my arse.
I know Domino's when I see it.
Would it be so bad to have her killed? I bet Trent know someone.
I'm telling you this, I'm going to keep that boy's feet on the ground even if I have to fill his shoes with concrete.
Concrete, yeah, that's good.
- Chuck her in the Canal.
- What? - What? - [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Good evening, Mr Carter.
Plastering's all done.
Hey, Mrs Carter I just wondered if he needed me to do anything else or - if maybe I could go to bed.
- Yeah, Shauna, brilliant.
I want you to take all of Harry's maths books, because I don't understand a bloody word of them, distribute them around the team and get me anything you can - on Mrs Cheung, anything.
- Sure thing, Mrs Carter.
I'm on it.
Liz, why is there an owl in the bathroom? Are you wearing my pyjamas? Yeah, you know when in Rome.
Yeah.
Wear someone else's pyjamas.
- Where are my people? - Depends who your people are, because, to be honest, one minute you're saying your French, the next you're a Roman or something, and I'm like, "Dude! identity crisis.
" I meant the people who work for me.
Oh.
Dad got them to set up the ping-pong table in the garage, so he could play with Harry.
But I'm glad to catch you on your own cos Harry is not the only one with big plans in his family.
How about this? Teachers always get mad when you're looking at your phone in class, right? So, I've been working on an app that can make your phone invisible.
Trent? It's only supposed to work on phones.
And this is it, can be old pro finally destroy the young pretender? Or is there still a chance? Just play, won't you? Tonasaurus Rex! How's it hanging? We're playing ping-pong because I don't have to - go to school this morning.
- It's not a reward, I'm still mad, but this is just something that me and Harry do, father and son, family ping-pong.
We play it on our family holidays we go on together as a family.
Don't we, son? - You wouldn't understand.
- Oh, I understand.
You push the little ball over the teeny tiny net with the funny paddles, right? I love ping-pong.
- Do you want to play, Trent? - No, he doesn't, son, we're playing.
Oh, that's OK.
I need to get ready, we're checking out the arena for Tech Con.
- This way, Harry.
- That's my boy.
- That's MY boy, actually.
- Whatever you say, Tony.
So you fancy a game, do you? As long as you promise to take it easy on me.
I haven't played since 2008.
Beijing Olympics.
I think we should get a few things straight, Tony.
Fine.
Talk.
The truth is I've had my seed frozen in a clinic in Vancouver.
So, I'm not interested in buying someone else's children at the moment.
What I have purchased is your son's intellectual property, and it's cost me millions.
So I would appreciate it if you would allow me to spend a little time with my investment.
[ Back In Black by AC/DC.]
Better luck next time, buddy.
Come on, people! There must be something.
Mrs Carter, with all due respect, we've been up all night, there's nothing.
She's shown no negative bias toward Harry.
Cheung is clean.
There she is, fourth from right.
- I don't believe it.
- I know, she looks like a chubby boy.
No, that's me next to her.
- How? - The other side.
Oh, right.
Got it.
Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.
What do you think, big guy? This is so cool, you're going to be amazing.
Harry, tonight you're going to do your own tech talk.
- Tonight? - Before you panic, it's all written out, in your voice with a little flair.
All you have to do is read the autocue and talk up to your page.
It's already linked up, watch.
I don't think I've spoken to more than 15 people in my entire life.
Well, whatever happens, tonight can't be worse than the first time I did one of these.
Puked all over the front row.
- Wow, that's amazing.
- Yeah? You pumped? Totally pumped.
Natasha actually messaged me.
No, the talk.
Dude, listen, once you do this tonight, you're not going to have trouble finding a girl.
Believe me.
All right, we've got to be focused.
We got to get pumped.
Are you pumped? Pumped.
Totally.
- Oh, it's you again.
- I just came to return these.
Congratulations, you mark your maths well.
- I know.
- So well that I almost forgot to check your history.
Diana Cheung.
- Nee Chau.
- So now she finally recognises me.
Why didn't you just say we went to school together whenn I met at the parent's evening? Because every day I try to forget that I went to school with you, Liz Barclay.
Carter! Nee Barclay! What did I ever do to you? I didn't bully anyone, apart from Malcolm Greenford maybe Wendy Baine, but she doesn't wear the shoe any more and we're friends on Facebook, so You don't even remember! - Remember what? - Our maths GCSE, 1989? You set off the fire alarm and then never owned up.
Oh, God.
I did, didn't I? But to be fair, I was really terrible at maths.
My dad promised me tickets to see Rick Astley if I got straight A's.
Rick Astley? Seriously? I mean, Duran Duran, fair enough.
I looked forward to that concert for six months! Right.
Chill out.
So what's all this then, revenge? Payback? Are you seriously suggesting I'm victimizing an 11-year-old boy - just because - Yes! - Ridiculous - You are though, aren't you? You're damn right I am.
Diane, what's it going to take? I've still got the ping-pong set up, want to finish the tournament? Can't.
Trent wants me to do his Tech Con talk.
Wow.
Wow, I mean that's amazing.
You must be so - Pumped? - Yeah.
But you're not.
Hm.
- So what's up? - I kind of want to go to the school disco.
- Is that stupid? - No, it's not stupid at all, mate.
But there's no way I can now though.
Well, as it happens, I just spoke to your mum, she got your suspension lifted.
How? Never gonna make you cry Never gonna tell a lie Never gonna say goodbye and hurt you Have a great night, son.
Thanks, Dad.
Are you sure Trent was OK with this? He was fine! Well, he will be.
I got him a replacement.
In many ways, he may not even notice.
Tony asked me to give you this.
[APPLAUSE.]
Good evening, Milton Keynes! Tonight I want to talk to you about this.
The Invisiphone!
'I'm Tony Carter, and this is my house and in Milton Keynes.
'The one with the yellow shed.
That's where my son Harry came up with 'Honc, an app to help him talk to girls.
'That used to be my shed.
I miss my shed 'Anyway, I don't really get social networking, 'if I did I wouldn't drive a minibus for OAPs, 'but it seems to have gone massive.
'Harry still can't talk to girls though! 'Now some big tech company wants to pay millions for it.
'But will it change us? Nah ' - - Ooh, we've got Mrs Cheung first, she's the new maths teacher, isn't she? Yeah, and she hates me.
Don't be daft, son, none of them hate you.
- You're a genius.
- Aw, how could anyone hate this face? Look at him! Look at him.
Sorry I'm running late.
Just one of those weeks I'm afraid, parents' evening, - and the year seven disco.
Madness.
- So, how's Harry doing? Well, what can I say? Brilliant.
Astonishing.
- Disappointing.
.
- [ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR.]
SHOUTING: His work has really slipped this term.
His presentation is stuffy, and I was wondering if perhaps the distractions of his multi-million pound business - is starting to affect his studies? - No, no It's Trent! TRENT: Harry Carter! Get your ass out here.
Give your billionaire investor some love! Yeah, OK, yeah, a bit distracted.
[THEME MUSIC.]
This is awesome! Wow, look at this.
Wow.
Man, I tell you, I'm a huge Tolkien fan, so all this hobbit stuff just blows me.
So, Trent, what brings you to these parts? Uninvited and totally without warning.
The tech talk down at the conference centre Friday night, they asked me to talk about Honc.
I was like, "Hell, yeah, I'm coming.
And I'm bringing Harry.
" - Awesome.
- Oh, what a shame Harry's got his school disco that night and can't make it.
[TRENT HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER.]
You didn't tell me you were a comedian! Look at that, as if Harry would miss a Tech talk for a disco! Grrrr! It's so good to meet you, T-man! Look at that.
It's like meeting Harry's other dad, isn't it? - ALL: Yeah.
- Other dad? You mean ONLY dad.
Unless there's something that you two haven't told me, eh, Liz? [SHE LAUGHS.]
- Eh? Eh? - Jamil, take a note.
I emphatically deny any rumours of a sexual relationship with the party or parties named Liz Carter.
All right So, here's the play.
Tomorrow we're going to throw a kick-ass pool party, I'm talking hula girls - Er, Trent, we don't actually have a pool.
- You don't have a pool? That's terrible.
Shauna, they don't have a pool.
- On it, Trent.
- Are you staying for tea? - Tea? - Dinner? Guys, don't leave me hanging.
Eat.
Do you want to eat? Awesome, what's on the menu, Tone-licious? Toad-in-the-hole.
Trent has a personal policy never to eat holes.
if it's all right, I think like to retire to Beddington.
It's only 7:30.
Wait, here? There's literally no place in the world I would rather be, than right here, in the hub of Casa Carter.
Bring it in guys.
There we go.
Not you.
I wanna get rich right away, right away, right away, right away Good morning, Mr Carter.
Liz, what's going on? I'll tell you what's going on, Yolanda is making bagels from scratch, Tony.
From scratch! Mum, where's my rucksack? And that form you had to And my lunch money.
OK.
Thank you very much.
Cool.
That's everything then, unless someone wants to give me a lift.
I have never loved you more.
Lunch money Amazing! We need to talk about what happened at parents' evening.
Oh, I know, I know.
Well, Harry was right wasn't he? Mrs Cheung hates him.
Maybe she's got a point, maybe Honc is getting in the way of school.
Buenos Dias, Carters! Oh, my god, what do we say? I literally can't speak any French.
Well, that's not French, sweetie.
Although I am a massive Francophile.
And you're letting him stay at our house? Harry, I hope you're ready, son, cos you and I have a full day of frickin' fun ahead, you in? Obviously, you don't mean a full day, because Harry's got school until 3:30.
School, schmool, I flew in from Punta Mita for you guys! Yeah, and we really appreciate that, Trent, the thing is, here on planet Earth, going school is the law.
Fine, Tony, you know why? Cos I frickin' love school.
I'm in ace at Quidditch, I can get an owl like that.
- Shauna, get me an owl.
- On it, Trent.
- You're coming to school with me? - Hell, yeah, dude.
You and me, we're going to OWN school.
- Yeah, let's own this! - Come on! Let's go to school! ROCK MUSIC - Sam.
- Here.
- Charlie.
- Here.
- Sammo.
- Here.
- Harry.
- Here.
[ THEY CHEER.]
Ye-a-a-a-ah! In your face! [CHEERING.]
Harry, are these your friends? Awesome.
- Yeah, this is - Yeah, I don't have storage space for names, son, I'm just here to see the magic in motion.
Act like I'm not here, OK? Guys? Well, this isn't weird at all.
- Love her.
- Anyway, you'll go to the disco then, Harry? Nah.
Trent - He's not here.
- Right.
Someone's doing the tech con talk and I'll just watch that instead.
I might not bother either.
Oh great, thanks a bunch, leaving me with the rest of the freaks like Natasha.
- Natasha's going? - Who's Natasha? - Just a girl.
- That you love? - Vomit.
- Oh, I see, because you love Harry.
- Um, no.
- [BELL RINGS.]
Seriously? - More school? - Until 3:30.
That's like hours.
That's No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
All right, listen up everybody.
My name is Trent, and I'm an American.
- ALL: Yeah! - Number one! Anybody know how many billionaires dropped out of college? - Huh? Anybody? - I do! - I do! - Anybody? I do! Anybody else? All of 'em.
- That's not strictly true.
- All the cool ones anyway, all right? Zuckerberg, Jobs, me Imagine what we could've accomplished if only we'd dropped out sooner.
Dammit, I could be in space right now if only I had the cojones to quit.
- So what do you say, kids? - Yeah! Yeah! Do you want to stay in school for the rest of your lives? Or do want to be a space billionaire? Come on! ALL: We're going to be space billionaires! [CHEERING AND SHOUTING.]
I didn't do anything.
I don't remember sending out the bring your internet billionaire to school day memo, do you? Oh, snap! She's got to there, bud.
I will not let you treat the school like some kind of circus.
I've got an owl delivery for Mr Harry Carter.
I love what you're doing with the zucchini there, Ethan.
Thank you ma'am.
- Up a bit, there, please, Shauna.
- Got it! I'm going to call Oliver number again.
- You're doing a great job there, Jamil.
- Thank you ma'am.
Don't worry, they know what Trent's like.
He's probably taking them base jumping or free-basing or whatever it's called.
- Hi.
- Oh.
Ellie, have you seen your brother? Of course I've seen him.
He's my brother.
- About this big - No, have you seen him today? Oh, no, not since he got suspended.
He got what?! [DOOR SLAMS.]
Mea culpa, Carters, mea culpa.
Listen, I want you to know that there is no-one to blame for this situation today - except me.
You got my son suspended.
And you went to Alton Towers without me! I told you they'd find out.
Oliver is still wearing his waterproof poncho! Heck, sorry, team! Listen, my bad, all right? Completely 100% totally, but, it's important that you know that we used the time wisely.
That's right, dad, we had an important Honc board meeting.
Tony, if I could get that teacher to undo that thingy, I totally would.
But she's a tough cookie.
Was it Mrs Cheung? Yeah, I knew it.
She's victimizing him.
He skipped school to go to Alton Towers! He deserves to be suspended.
She's picking on him.
- Where you going? - I'm going to go up that school.
Just please don't do anything Oh, God, who am I kidding? Thank you, son.
I don't know about you, but all of this fun makes me hungry.
Lucky for us, I've taken the liberty of ordering some pizza - [HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR.]
- .
.
from New York! ALL: [WHOOP AND CHEER.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Enter.
- Mrs Cheung - Sit! I just wanted to say that You wanted to tell me that I was being unfair, no? - Yes! - That Harry's a genius and that this is a special case, correct? - Well - That I should reconsider my decision, and remove the suspension.
Let me save you some time, Mrs Carter.
The answer is no.
I won't.
The truth is, Harry's work is suffering, and his behaviour today was unacceptable.
Sorry.
Oh, come on.
So he brought an American billionaire to school one day.
And? You hate him.
And you're marking him down unfairly.
I'd like to see you try prove it.
We you just watch me, Miss Mrs Cheung! - Can I go? - Dismissed.
How You Like Me Now [By The Heavy.]
Gave him my mug, Liz.
My mug! World's greatest dad.
That's MY mug.
Yeah, that's nice.
I mean as if being bullied by the other kids isn't bad enough without the teachers joining in as well.
And that pizza was stone-cold.
New York, my arse.
I know Domino's when I see it.
Would it be so bad to have her killed? I bet Trent know someone.
I'm telling you this, I'm going to keep that boy's feet on the ground even if I have to fill his shoes with concrete.
Concrete, yeah, that's good.
- Chuck her in the Canal.
- What? - What? - [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Good evening, Mr Carter.
Plastering's all done.
Hey, Mrs Carter I just wondered if he needed me to do anything else or - if maybe I could go to bed.
- Yeah, Shauna, brilliant.
I want you to take all of Harry's maths books, because I don't understand a bloody word of them, distribute them around the team and get me anything you can - on Mrs Cheung, anything.
- Sure thing, Mrs Carter.
I'm on it.
Liz, why is there an owl in the bathroom? Are you wearing my pyjamas? Yeah, you know when in Rome.
Yeah.
Wear someone else's pyjamas.
- Where are my people? - Depends who your people are, because, to be honest, one minute you're saying your French, the next you're a Roman or something, and I'm like, "Dude! identity crisis.
" I meant the people who work for me.
Oh.
Dad got them to set up the ping-pong table in the garage, so he could play with Harry.
But I'm glad to catch you on your own cos Harry is not the only one with big plans in his family.
How about this? Teachers always get mad when you're looking at your phone in class, right? So, I've been working on an app that can make your phone invisible.
Trent? It's only supposed to work on phones.
And this is it, can be old pro finally destroy the young pretender? Or is there still a chance? Just play, won't you? Tonasaurus Rex! How's it hanging? We're playing ping-pong because I don't have to - go to school this morning.
- It's not a reward, I'm still mad, but this is just something that me and Harry do, father and son, family ping-pong.
We play it on our family holidays we go on together as a family.
Don't we, son? - You wouldn't understand.
- Oh, I understand.
You push the little ball over the teeny tiny net with the funny paddles, right? I love ping-pong.
- Do you want to play, Trent? - No, he doesn't, son, we're playing.
Oh, that's OK.
I need to get ready, we're checking out the arena for Tech Con.
- This way, Harry.
- That's my boy.
- That's MY boy, actually.
- Whatever you say, Tony.
So you fancy a game, do you? As long as you promise to take it easy on me.
I haven't played since 2008.
Beijing Olympics.
I think we should get a few things straight, Tony.
Fine.
Talk.
The truth is I've had my seed frozen in a clinic in Vancouver.
So, I'm not interested in buying someone else's children at the moment.
What I have purchased is your son's intellectual property, and it's cost me millions.
So I would appreciate it if you would allow me to spend a little time with my investment.
[ Back In Black by AC/DC.]
Better luck next time, buddy.
Come on, people! There must be something.
Mrs Carter, with all due respect, we've been up all night, there's nothing.
She's shown no negative bias toward Harry.
Cheung is clean.
There she is, fourth from right.
- I don't believe it.
- I know, she looks like a chubby boy.
No, that's me next to her.
- How? - The other side.
Oh, right.
Got it.
Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.
What do you think, big guy? This is so cool, you're going to be amazing.
Harry, tonight you're going to do your own tech talk.
- Tonight? - Before you panic, it's all written out, in your voice with a little flair.
All you have to do is read the autocue and talk up to your page.
It's already linked up, watch.
I don't think I've spoken to more than 15 people in my entire life.
Well, whatever happens, tonight can't be worse than the first time I did one of these.
Puked all over the front row.
- Wow, that's amazing.
- Yeah? You pumped? Totally pumped.
Natasha actually messaged me.
No, the talk.
Dude, listen, once you do this tonight, you're not going to have trouble finding a girl.
Believe me.
All right, we've got to be focused.
We got to get pumped.
Are you pumped? Pumped.
Totally.
- Oh, it's you again.
- I just came to return these.
Congratulations, you mark your maths well.
- I know.
- So well that I almost forgot to check your history.
Diana Cheung.
- Nee Chau.
- So now she finally recognises me.
Why didn't you just say we went to school together whenn I met at the parent's evening? Because every day I try to forget that I went to school with you, Liz Barclay.
Carter! Nee Barclay! What did I ever do to you? I didn't bully anyone, apart from Malcolm Greenford maybe Wendy Baine, but she doesn't wear the shoe any more and we're friends on Facebook, so You don't even remember! - Remember what? - Our maths GCSE, 1989? You set off the fire alarm and then never owned up.
Oh, God.
I did, didn't I? But to be fair, I was really terrible at maths.
My dad promised me tickets to see Rick Astley if I got straight A's.
Rick Astley? Seriously? I mean, Duran Duran, fair enough.
I looked forward to that concert for six months! Right.
Chill out.
So what's all this then, revenge? Payback? Are you seriously suggesting I'm victimizing an 11-year-old boy - just because - Yes! - Ridiculous - You are though, aren't you? You're damn right I am.
Diane, what's it going to take? I've still got the ping-pong set up, want to finish the tournament? Can't.
Trent wants me to do his Tech Con talk.
Wow.
Wow, I mean that's amazing.
You must be so - Pumped? - Yeah.
But you're not.
Hm.
- So what's up? - I kind of want to go to the school disco.
- Is that stupid? - No, it's not stupid at all, mate.
But there's no way I can now though.
Well, as it happens, I just spoke to your mum, she got your suspension lifted.
How? Never gonna make you cry Never gonna tell a lie Never gonna say goodbye and hurt you Have a great night, son.
Thanks, Dad.
Are you sure Trent was OK with this? He was fine! Well, he will be.
I got him a replacement.
In many ways, he may not even notice.
Tony asked me to give you this.
[APPLAUSE.]
Good evening, Milton Keynes! Tonight I want to talk to you about this.
The Invisiphone!