Celebrity Island with Bear Grylls (2016) s01e04 Episode Script
Crocodile for Dinner
1 This programme contains strong language, adult humour and the slaughter of an animal.
In 21st-century Britain, we have it pretty easy.
But by their own admission, modern-day celebrities have it easier than most.
I love oxygen treatments.
I want to find out how these celebrities will cope when stripped of their luxury lifestyles Absolutely beautiful.
.
.
and left to fend for themselves in the wild.
It's the glamour of showbiz.
I've abandoned 10 British celebrities on a remote desert island in the Pacific.
Tastes like piss.
Fish piss.
I have OCL.
Obsessive-compulsive laziness.
Marooned in just the clothes they stand up in and with a handful of basic tools.
I don't want to circumcise myself.
Oh, my God! Mark, Mark! Please do it! Alone with four camera operators Hi, I'm Tom.
.
.
they will film everything themselves.
This is Josie Long.
Sorry, I'm desperately trying not to flash my bum to you.
They'll only eat what they can hunt down I've got a fish! Oh, my God! .
.
and kill.
SHE SCREAMS Now I feel like an explorer.
Oh, thank you darling! This is proper real.
Deprived of all of the creature comforts I haven't taken a shit since we've got here.
Which is slightly concerning.
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.
they take for granted Positivity, positivity, positivity.
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will they have the determination This is going to hurt.
SHE SCREAMS SHE CHEERS .
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and the strength We have no water.
We have no BEEP water.
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to survive.
All right, now move! OH! We are so, so BEEP.
We've been out here for hours and hours.
HE SOBS THEY SCREAM What time does the bar open on this boat? If you have a glass of Sauvignon, what are you going to miss? As part of this year's Stand Up To Cancer campaign 10 celebrities agreed to try and endure the island.
Yes, mate! They're all taking part for free and donating their fees to charity.
Cancer's a disease that's affected every single person in some way and, you know, I'm no exception.
My grandad was such an massive part of my life and it was so brutal the way we lost him to cancer and that's my main reason why I want to do it.
I abandoned the group alone 10 days ago.
Oh, BEEP, he's gone! BEEP! For more than a week they struggled to find anything to eat.
SHE SCREAMS SHE GROANS Pushed to the edge, two of the group quit the island.
Bye, Aston! Bye, guys! With Mark's leadership coming under fire I don't want to fall out with you but I want No, please stop, guys.
Guys! Just stop.
Both of you.
More than you.
.
.
selfie queen Karen took over You don't speak like that in leadership.
You know, that's not the way to do it.
.
.
and led the islanders to victory Got it! .
.
as they finally caught their first proper meal.
Has he done it? We've got our Sunday dinner.
Real food! Ah! My morning carafe of piss.
Mm! Mm.
Saltier than usual.
Whose is this today? I wasn't comfortable but, you know, 10 days with zero food and having lost well over 2st it was me or the turkey.
Last night, the islanders caught and ate two turkeys.
What's critical now is that they make the most of this valuable injection of calories.
It's giving them what I call the golden window of opportunity and it's just how the natural world works.
Hunt, feed and use that energy to regroup and hunt again.
I think people see shows like this and you just think yeah, they're having a holiday, really, and they underestimate a little bit just how tough it is.
Like, "Oh, you did was sunbathe, all you did was lie around "on a lovely beach," and that is just bollocks.
Total bollocks.
People don't get it.
With morale on a high after yesterday's success, leader Karen has come to a decision.
Oh, my God! I saw that.
That was hilarious.
I shall retire from my political duties because everyone is just really happy now that we've had something to eat.
I'm just going to chill.
I'm really proud of myself.
Do we look like a boyband? Do we look like a really shit boyband? Following several days of conflict the islanders have decided that reality star Ollie would be a good candidate to unite the group.
And now, Blue Steel.
Ollie's leader today which I'm very happy about I definitely think that he deserves his time to shine.
I was quite touched that they think I'm kind of mature enough to lead a group.
I'm not sure I am, so I hope I don't BEEP up.
If I'm not filming Made In Chelsea, most days, I wake up in the morning, I generally put on a bit of Bieber, and light a candle and start writing.
My ancestors are sheep farmers in Somerset but they, I think, work somewhat harder than I do.
And they do have to, I don't know, breed and slay sheep.
Yeah, great.
Can't wait to see you either.
I'm not sure there's so much of a thing as an alpha male nowadays.
I think there is just, there's men.
I mean, most of the guys I know wear more make-up than the women.
That might be just Chelsea.
Morning.
Morning.
Good morning.
I want you to chill as much as you want today.
Hurrah! Because I think you really have worked hard and I think you're exhausted.
We all feel horrible.
We're smelly, We're sleep deprived.
For now, let's just chill out.
ALL: Thanks, Ollie! We have a new leader who wanted to declare a day off.
Pleasure comes before business apparently.
That's the new order of the day today.
SHE SIGHS This is the best day we've all had.
Can I just say, this is my favourite leadership so far.
Thanks.
As a hedonist.
If you've had a success, you may feel like you've earned the right to kind of, you know, take it easy, but in a survival situation there's no such thing as a day off.
If you're not thinking like three steps ahead, you're in trouble.
OH, I just need a big pizza.
Pork pie dipped in ketchup.
Or salad cream.
Oh, gherkins! Or pickled onions.
Oh, pickled onions! Just two hours in and Ollie's day of rest is starting to lose its appeal.
I'm really hungry now.
I think that turkey has given me a All that did was make me more hungry.
Yeah, I think it just sort of kick-started It activated.
Yeah, because your stomach is starting to close down.
Yeah, that's it.
Having eaten for the first time, you know, I feel hungry, I feel starving now because it's like opened up my stomach a little bit and said "Oh, food, do you remember that? Yes, I do.
" Bloody starving.
I know, guys, we're all exhausted but I want this camp to eat.
With the group once again in rapid decline, Karen decides to rebel against Ollie's enforced day off.
There's like two options on this island right now.
I can sit around camp and do absolutely nothing or I can get out there as little energy as I have and actually try and just bring something home for the group.
Determined to salvage the situation, her ambitious plan is to lead a hunt for the island's most fearsome prey, the caiman crocodile.
What I'm going to do, is I'm going to lay some caiman traps.
You're going to lay trapped? Yeah.
I really want to get a caiman.
Karen has mentioned idea of trying to find the ultimate predator now.
Which seems unlikely.
I don't know where she gets her energy from.
She's got a Red Bull in either boob.
Am I totally insane? I'm just a great believer in trying.
I am best known for being the ex-wife of an MP and the tabloids know me as the selfie queen.
Me growing up, it was a difficult childhood.
My kids are the most important thing in my life.
I want them to feel wanted whereas me, I never felt wanted.
The biggest thing for me growing up was just feeling like a burden.
Right, Milton, shall we put the peppers in? Having a childhood I had made me very driven.
I knew growing up, you know, I'm going to change my life forever.
My life won't be like this when I grow up and isn't.
To survive what I've survived, I am a natural survivor.
Right, let's go.
Karen has recruited a small hunting party to help her set the traps in the island's mangrove swamp.
I'm so glad we're doing this.
Do you reckon we can catch a caiman? Do you know, if anyone can, Karen Danczuk can.
She's a hard bastard.
Karen sort of fancies herself as a bit of an Amazon Warrior, my theory is just to lie around and hope a pig lands in my mouth but it's not going to happen.
Oh, I get so dizzy when I put the sun up Sit up.
It's all right, we'll get some food.
We'll go and get everyone a McDonald's.
Determined to make amends and feed the hungry islanders himself, leader Ollie heads off to scavenge on the coast.
I know that limpets are only one calorie and they are like eating something you find on the bottom of your shoe but hopefully they'll be They'll give us something.
This is officially left my last attempt to make the camp smile by making them suffer.
I've ensured the island has enough water, vegetation and indigenous animals to keep them alive but if they want to eat they've got to find it, catch it and kill it.
CAIMAN GROWLS The top of the food chain is the caiman crocodile.
And this is a pretty fearsome predator.
Razor-sharp teeth with a bite that's three times more powerful than a lion's.
If you've got the balls for it, and can catch one of them, it's going to provide you with masses of meat and vital proteins.
Oh, my God.
That is a big swamp, actually.
Do you think there's caiman in there? Yeah.
It looks, you know when you've just got a really funny feeling Karen's hunting party have arrived at the mangroves on the north coast of the island.
Prime caiman territory.
SHE GASPS Fuck.
Did you hear that then? Was that something getting into the water? A big splash in the water.
So it could well be a caiman.
That's actually quite scary.
It's probably staring at us right now.
Do you think we should set a trap? Yes.
I think we should definitely set a trap.
What about this one? Oh, that might work.
The islanders were taught how to make basic traps as part of their survival training.
So the caiman comes along and goes Why is it not coming off? It should go like that.
Ah, there we are.
Hopefully this will work.
Yeah.
Finding food on this island is an utter, utter nightmare.
People call it nature's supermarket.
Well, it's a massive supermarket but there's shit all in it.
THEY CHEER Success.
Karen plans to leave the trap overnight.
If a caiman takes the bait, the islanders could be in for a feast tomorrow.
Happy eating, caiman.
I wish we had some salts and lemons.
All the group had to eat tonight is a meagre helping of Ollie's limpet broth.
Ew! That's minging! That's disgusting, isn't it? HE BURPS HE GAGS That's fucking repulsive.
I want some fucking I don't know.
I'm struggling a bit.
How are you feeling? Are you all right? Today was meant to be about a fun day in every way.
I just feel like such a dick.
Don't worry.
I think Ollie is a little bit upset with his leadership.
Because he's just had a bit of a disastrous day.
He's really beating himself up about it.
I just miss home.
It just feels like an appalling prison.
Because what looks so beautiful is so difficult to live off and we're trapped here.
The islanders simply can't afford another day of failure.
This northern lass needs to pull something out of the bag very quick.
Because I'm a fighter.
And I just don't want to let the island win.
Basically.
It's so beautiful.
Starving to death in paradise! Wakey wakey! How are you feeling? I'm feeling good.
So, after a fully disheartening evening last night, I've woken up this morning in a really, really positive mood.
After his disastrous day yesterday, Ollie is now backing Karen's plan to capture the island's top predator.
Can I come with you and try and get the cayman? We're all going to go.
Are we? Yeah.
Is that what we're going to do? That's a really good shout.
I really like that.
Hurrah.
If we can catch a cayman, then that can only be a positive, can't it? Y'know, I've probably consumed in two weeks the equivalent amount of calories that I would probably consume in one day.
If the cayman's there, we just need a little bit of a plan as to who is going to do what.
Who feels able to be the one that does the killing? I think I would be, erm, the one to do that.
I think.
Perfect! You will feel guilty.
I'm sure I will, but, for the group, I think we need to eat.
No, what I'm saying is you'll feel guilty because you're a nice, normal person.
HE LAUGHS You know, you're not a natural-born killer.
No, I'm certainly not a natural-born killer.
No, neither am I.
Don't they say that serial killers start off just by killing animals? Oh, great(!) I know that we need to eat, so I want to go out there and try and prove to myself and to the group that I can bring home something that everyone can be proud of.
Right, are we all ready? Yeah.
We are! Let's go, cayman crew.
Cayman crew! Come on, lead the way.
Goodbye, brave hunters.
Dom, we're going to bring you back some dinner.
Let's do it! I think Karen is an amazing worker.
Women are just better.
They've been stronger on this, weirdly.
You kind of assume that men would be better at surviving, but actually, we've had two men leave, several men crumble, and the women are really, really strong.
Does it worry you? No! Does it worry me! I can't wait! You're just hard as nails, aren't you? Yeah! I'm from Manchester! I want a hamburger.
Unless we can catch a hamburger Unhappy about the idea of big-game hunting, animal lover Dom has opted out of Karen's plan and will spend the day fishing instead.
I know there's a weird distinction between fish and cayman, but, for me, there is.
There's no logic to it whatsoever.
There is no logic.
I love meat, all that stuff.
Do you feel a sentimentality towards it, do you think? Yeah.
I mean, I adore animals of any form, much more than humans, actually.
A bit like Hitler, really.
Come on, Wills.
Come on, Willoughby! I live on a farm.
I've got a pig, I've got three dogs, cats, some chickens.
That's your main position, isn't it? Huh? If I could take one thing in, like, one luxury item, I couldn't take my pig, because he'd be eaten, and I don't want him eaten.
That's a huge issue for me, because obviously on one of the islands there was a pig-killing, and my pig is very aware of that.
He watched that with me, and he knows I'm going on the island.
Here you go.
There you go.
This is not chicken food.
It's pig food.
I don't feel great about killing animals for food.
Even though I live on a farm, I'm a kind of pampered modernite who just assumes food just turns up and don't see it sourced.
But I'm cool with fish.
If they catch a cayman, will you eat it? Yeah.
Not much I can do about it then.
You know, there's no right or wrong, it's just that's how I feel.
So I'm not trying to make anyone else be right or wrong, it's just that's how I feel.
I know it's stupid, but it just is.
We should keep our eyes open, because there could be a cayman not in a trap.
On the other side of the island, the hunting party are approaching the swamp, where they set the trap yesterday.
My stomach's doing belly flips.
We've got to be careful here.
It could take a limb off! They're wild animals and we're in their territory, and if they feel threatened - and people trumping through their ground is probably quite threatening! When you're hunting crocs, you've got to make sure that you don't become the prey, because these prehistoric beasts are fast.
And then they strike, bam, lightning speed and incredible power.
This is a risky little game we're playing! I'm so scared! Is anyone's heart going? Oh, no! It's not looking good.
Where's the trap? It's here, but it's got the bait and got out the trap.
Oh, no! That's such a shame.
It is, but it's definitely It's moved.
I mean, that blue circle should be over the wood.
Damn! So it's been caught but it's got away.
I think so, by the looks of it, yeah.
He's in here somewhere.
With the trap disturbed, the group believe a cayman could still be lurking nearby and decide to search the surrounding area.
Bugger! How have I ended up being last? It's the last one that gets picked off.
I've seen it in the movies.
They're the ones that get attacked and picked off, and nobody notices.
Come on, cayman.
The fact is, he can probably see us right now.
Scaly arseholes.
We don't like fish anyway! It's for hippies.
Dom has spent the morning fishing, without success.
I strongly predict no fish supper! We're now hoping that the cayman guys might be more successful.
Do you know what? The island does what it wants.
It's in the lap of the gods.
I am quite hungry, though.
I know he's in here.
He could feed us for the next two days.
It would just be an amazing boost of protein.
He's grinning.
He's smiling at us.
No cayman.
The cayman hunters have combed the area around the swamp, but there's no sign of their prey.
It's a long way to find the shops closed, and then you've got to walk all the way back home.
While the others get ready to head back to camp, leader Ollie makes a final check along the shoreline.
I can't stop looking for this cayman.
Anything? Ollie? Fuck.
Look at this.
These are tracks.
Not quite sure if they, erm if they can jump out, which is why I'm being a little bit cautious.
Oh, my God! There's a fucking cayman there.
That's a fucking cayman tail.
I don't know how I'm going to do this.
Guys? Guys.
Guys.
Ollie? Have you found something? I've found a caiman.
Oh, my God, you haven't? No.
Are you serious? He's found a caiman.
No? Where is it? Round here.
(His tail is there.
) (It's here.
Its tail is there.
) There he is, it's there.
His tail is just moving.
Oh, yeah, I can see his eye.
What the fuck do we do now? Guys, what do you think? OK, so the only thing I can think of that seems to be the best plan, the safest way, if we try and grab its tail in some way.
I think, because its head's that way, we might be him pull out.
Uh-huh.
I'm just worried he's going to snap around.
Yeah.
We've got to create some sort of noose for his mouth.
Yeah To hold definitely.
I want to pull him out cos I feel strong enough.
You've got to go in without hesitation and just do it.
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
Is that all right? Yeah? And then, Ollie, when Lydia has got the noose on, you are going to jump on him.
I'll jump on him.
Bang.
Are we up for it? I'll do that, yeah.
Yeah, come on.
Lydia.
(Where is it? Oh, he's round there.
) The only way to tackle something as dangerous as a caiman crocodile is with total commitment.
You have a moment's hesitation, it can move like lightning and it can literally rip your arm right away from your shoulder.
Is everyone ready? Yeah.
Take a step back, I would.
Having decided to take on this deadly predator, the celebrities have called my safety team to the island using their emergency radio.
I'm ready, guys.
Be careful.
Be careful, sweetheart.
Be careful.
They'll stay just long enough to monitor the impending kill to make sure it's safe and humane.
Be careful.
Ooh, he's a heavy little bugger.
This way.
It's all right, don't worry.
Do not worry.
Just be so careful.
Bit closer.
SHE SHRIEKS That's what I don't want him to do to me.
Try and get it behind the teeth.
Well done, Lydia.
That's good.
Bit more, bit more.
A bit further back.
Lower.
Let loose and then pull it back.
That's it, that's the one.
That's it.
Do it again.
You're doing great, Lydia.
Seriously, you're doing so well.
Mind your feet cos you're close.
You've doing excellent.
Just take your time.
Everybody calm.
You need to let his jaw just Put the string down to the floor now, Lydia Just let him close.
.
.
and his mouth close.
Can you get it any lower? Yeah, he's closing.
Just wait.
Does it feel really tight? You're doing excellent.
Does it feel really tight now? Yeah.
Ollie, why don't you just jump on now and do it? Secure his movement, straddle him and bang.
Come on, Ollie.
You can do it.
MUFFLED CRUSH Have you done it? My God, I can see his eyes closing.
Well done, Ollie.
Excellent work, Ollie.
Thank you so much.
He didn't suffer at all.
He didn't suffer at all.
Well done.
That is fantastic.
That was instant.
Let it go, guys.
Well done.
Ah, well done.
Brilliant.
Well done, everybody.
Lydia.
Ah! Well done, girls.
Well done, everybody.
Brilliant.
Honestly, great.
My God.
And he didn't suffer.
The main thing was it was instant and it didn't suffer.
I'm so sorry, darling.
I am made up.
Absolutely made up.
I feel that me, Ollie and Lydia, to do that together is just, like, Three Musketeers.
I'm happy.
Blimey, it looks like dinner tonight.
I think that's one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life, but I just I don't know what to say.
In 21st-century Britain I think we find the whole concept of killing an animal for food, people find it cruel, they find it upsetting.
And, yes, it's never pleasant to take a life, but the reality of survival, when it comes down to it, it's a simple choice.
OK.
What we're going to do is we're actually going to pull all its guts out.
We will more than devour this.
We've all been waiting for it.
There's so many calories in there.
It's going to really help feed us.
I just really couldn't be happier.
I'm actually quite proud of myself in a weird way because this is so, so far away from anything I've been used to in my life.
And I love animals so much, but when it's in a survival situation .
.
there's literally only one thing you can do and that's to try and get it.
Let's go.
I weren't quite the pussy I was when I came into the island.
First hour I remember laying on that beach and there were hermit crabs crawling all over me and I was going, "Argh!" Then I saw a turkey get killed and I cried my eyes out.
Now, I participated in the killing of the caiman.
I have become brutal on this island.
What have you got? A caiman.
Wow, let's see.
Ah! Look at you all like soldiers.
Who delivered the deathblow? I did.
Well done, Ollie.
Ollie.
Did you do the deed? Yes.
Oh, hey, little man.
Hello.
I pulled it out of the swamp.
You pulled it out of the swamp? Yes.
Lydia held the front, I held the back.
Lydia Bright, the killer.
I'm a killer, guys.
HE SIGHS Well done, I think.
Thank you.
I think it's great.
Amazing they found one.
It's edible, it's good.
I don't know, it just feels sad for me.
I think it's sad for everyone.
I'm just an idiot.
I'm an urban Actually, I'm not an urban idiot, I'm a country idiot, but I just feel sad about it.
I just want to go back to lovely little wrapped food that I don't have to worry about, in my hypocritical world.
OK.
Excuse me.
That's brill.
How do people like their caiman? Ooh, a medium rare, please, darling.
It does look amazing.
Yeah.
This is going to be the most incredible supper.
Ooh, it looks good.
Yes, it does.
The longing! I feel like everyone is, like, on the verge of tears.
'I just couldn't be happier.
'And the whole mood of the camp is at an all-time high' at the thought of actually having maybe, like, a full stomach of food.
Guys Dinner is served.
OTHERS CHEER Well done.
There you go.
Thank you very much.
Oh, my God.
Wow, that's good.
It's like pork belly.
Absolutely stunning.
Do you think chicken? Yeah, chicken-slash-pork-fish.
Slash-fish.
That's what it is.
It's chicken-slash-pork-slash-fish.
'I'm just so, so, so made up.
' Genuinely, tears of joy.
BREAKING WIND Everyone is going to poo tomorrow! Who has not pooed yet? Me.
Me.
Me.
Five of us then.
Who has pooed, apart from Ollie? Josie has pooed loads.
I have.
And Tom.
I've had about four.
No, you haven't.
You've got to join the poo club, it's the place to be.
Oh, my God.
This is very surreal.
I would never have thought that I would be asking Dom Joly, the guy that I watched on Trigger Happy TV, "Have you had a poo?" That's exactly how I wanted my life to be.
Maybe tomorrow will be a large poo day.
BREAKING WIND AND LAUGHTER I love it! 'I've got a bit of a spring in my step this morning.
'I am feeling full of beans, full of life.
' Welcome to our garden, guys.
I think it's just amazing what a little bit of food can do for you.
And it really picks up everyone's spirits and energy levels.
Yeah, it's brilliant.
SHOUTS: Hello! What? No, I'm on the island.
The ISLAND! No, it's rubbish! THEY CHEER Go on, Dom! Tomorrow the celebrities will be leaving the island for good, but the pride of enduring, the pride of having come through it all, that will last a lifetime.
And boy, they've earned it.
Ooh.
Oh, they are here.
Yay! We had a little explore and believe it or not, we have found loads of yucca.
SHE GASPS They're massive! And ironically, we're actually on our last day, which is quite funny.
We just keep falling over yucca now.
We've been here two bloody weeks.
I know.
On the island under the sun We live on yucca, it's so much fun 'Sometimes we all feel like we just don't have a clue what we're doing 'and everything is just so unknown to us.
' But we really are beginning to thrive and I feel really proud of that.
It's amazing, what we're doing here.
Remember, we are basically idiots and we're surviving.
It's good.
We're still smiling, we're still alive, no-one has died yet.
I think we're in good shape.
We are going to play Play Your Coconuts Right, hurray! After two weeks away from civilisation, the celebrities are celebrating their last night on the island.
Are we higher or lower than a six? Lower! Former hotel manager Mark is in charge of the entertainment.
Higher than six? It's a 10.
Yes! Mark was just a revelation.
He just had it, he was brilliant.
He put a smile on everyone's face.
When you're smiling When you're smiling the whole world smiles with you.
We haven't drunk anything but water from a pond for two weeks.
We haven't brushed our teeth for two weeks, haven't used deodorant, we haven't got soap.
We are fucking disgustingly filthy.
But what I really have loved is getting to know 14 truly wonderful people.
We have become a family.
Just for a couple of weeks we have become a family.
I can't believe we fucking made it.
Aww! We did it! Good morning, Councillor Karen.
Good morning, Dom.
We're going home to Rochdale.
SHE LAUGHS We're getting out of here! The truth is, I'm not happy cos I'm go home, I'm happy cos I'm going to get a club sandwich.
The thought of just having a shower and brushing my teeth Shit and a shower, hey? DOM SIGHS HAPPILY I'm so happy.
I'm happier than you.
I just I'm fucking happier than you.
I think I'm actually going to miss the company, which is rather surprising.
I never thought I'd say that.
To begin with, that was what I found the hardest.
But, now, do you find, sort of, comfort in the company, is that? Yeah, I'm putting up with everyone much better! HE LAUGHS Show me the way to go home! So, it's officially the last day.
We've just woken up and, um Cayman! Cayman! Cayman! OLLIE MAKES CHOKING NOISES I was the cayman and Dom was me.
We've gone delirious.
Take us home! It's now time for the group to leave the island for good.
Guys, we are departing this camp and the last thing we need to do is put out the thing that's kept us going the whole time here, thanks mainly to Dawn and Thom.
So I think it should be Dawn to put out the final fire, which puts out life on this island.
Are we ready? ALL: Yes! Go, Dawn! Three, two, one THEY CHEER AND CLAP Well done! Let's get the fudge out of here.
Let's get the fudge out of here! I'm so proud of what these guys have achieved.
And, for these celebrities, giving up their luxury lifestyles to exist out here with nothing must have seemed a daunting prospect.
I knew it was going to be hard, but, nothing can prepare you for the hardship of this.
Are you all right? It's just disastrous.
'Oh, my God.
I've never been so thirsty in my life.
' I can't believe how intense and awful that felt.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, full stop.
It's getting through those low moments and getting to the high moments that just make it all worthwhile.
Throughout all our struggles, we stuck together.
The best thing about The Island for me was meeting the most incredible people.
Right.
Here we go.
Come here, you big, grumpy old fucker.
I quite genuinely think I've made some really good friends.
Hooray! 'It's a funny group of people.
' We are not natural survivalists.
Agh! We were a messy bunch, all right? A wonderful bunch, but a messy bunch.
I'll miss you.
It's absolutely affirmed the fact that kindness is the most important thing in any situation, whether it be walking down the King's Road or stranded on a desert island.
The colour of that water is so beautiful.
I feel lucky and I think it's going to make me a lot more fearless in my daily life and I want to really harness that.
I love it! It was hard, it was a challenge, but it was fun.
'I'm so proud of us all, actually.
' Fantastic.
Well done.
I think it shown me that, in a survival situation, you can be whatever you want to be.
Yeah! We've done it! There were certain aspects of it, I have to say, I have enjoyed, despite all the hardship and everything else.
I haven't hated every minute.
Would I want to book in for another two weeks next year? I'm not sure.
I might pass on that one.
There's the boat! Yes! Hello! Freedom! THEY WHOOP AND CHEER The boat! THEY CHEER I think in both survival and in life, you know, good things and worthwhile things don't always come easy.
And, for those that can endure on the island, they're going to take a sense of incredible pride back with them.
Do you speak English? We are celebrities.
We wish to go home.
Oh, wow! Oh, my God.
He's on! Woohoo! Do you speak English? We need food.
We need drink.
It's going! OK.
We can go now, thank you.
Let's go.
Wrap it up.
Let's go.
Guys, we're back in three weeks.
And we'll bring yucca.
We did! We did it! We did it, Dom! Oh, my God.
Yes! Oh, God.
Really? THEY SCREAM Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's awesome.
Holy crap! There's watermelon! Oh, my God.
I've been dreaming of this.
I can't get in.
I'm too weak.
Oh, my God.
Sugar! Sugar, sugar, sugar! Oh, my God! Oh, wow! Oh! This is how happy I am right about now.
When it comes to saying goodbye to the island, there's going to be a tinge of regret because it's been such an emotional journey for everybody.
You know, we're all here for a special reason and that makes it different.
We weren't here to prove we're survivalists.
We were here to try and raise money for Cancer Research.
I think cos I'm here and cos I've lost someone very close to me to cancer, even when I was feeling really, really shit, I would know that I was doing it for that person and that would give me, you know, inner strength just to carry on.
At those low weak points, I really did genuinely think about all those people out there, all those incredible people living with cancer who are struggling to fight their battles every single day.
And, for me, they really were the true heroes.
Well done, us.
We've survived.
We're off the island.
So, bye! ALL: Bye! Won't miss you, you bastard! THEY CHEER Party boat! We're back.
People must bow to us from now on.
There's no doubt, the island really dramatically changes people.
Invariably, it changes people's lives and for the better.
It gives them an appreciation of what they really value in their life.
It's almost always family, friends, loved ones, because, ultimately, it's where you find your strength.
LINE RINGS Hello? 'Hello? Yay! How are you?' It's me.
'How are you?' I'm good.
HE SNIFFS I'm good.
'So did you just get out?' Yeah, I'm out.
Oh, it just hit me.
'So, tell us, how was it?' It was fucking unbelievably hard.
Oh, hello.
It's me.
'Oh, God.
I've been worried sick about you!' LAUGHING: Well, I'm still alive! 'I don't think I've ever, ever missed anyone as much 'as I've missed you.
' Oh! You're making me cry! 'You must never, ever, ever, promise me, 'that you'll do something like this again.
' HE SOBS: I'm so glad to hear your voice.
It's so stupid.
'Oh! No, it isn't.
It's lovely to hear your voice, too.
' I killed a cayman, Mum.
'You killed a what?' I killed a crocodile.
'You killed a crocodile?' Yeah.
They came onto the island as celebrities, but they leave, really, as survivors.
And, I just hope they can take what they've learnt about themselves and each other and use it as a force for good in each of their lives.
But, from me, respect.
I'm dying for a glass of champagne! WEDDING BELLS SOUND IN DISTANCE We're thirsty! One thing everybody always said about Kate was she was first and foremost a mother.
Extremely caring, loving, just very happy in the company of her children.
But I always felt she gave it a little bit extra because she put herself last.
Kate and I had three children, Harry and Lara.
And, when Harry was ten and Lara was eight, we then had number three, Robbie.
Kate spent most of her time holding on to him going HE TUTS AND SIGHS .
.
like this.
And Robbie going, "Mummy, let me go.
" And they just had the most wonderful relationship.
We were a very happy little family.
The diagnosis was obviously devastating for everybody.
I can't describe how, um It seemed unreal.
Kate and I never talked about her dying.
Three years after the diagnosis, we were in the car on the way back from the doctor's surgery when he had just said she had six weeks to live.
She said, "Darling, I think it's time we talked, we really talked.
" I said, "Yes, I agree.
" She said, "But I'm too tired now.
Let's do it tomorrow.
" She came home and went to bed and she died on the Monday morning.
The hardest thing with Robbie was I couldn't fix it for him.
The moments I remember more than any were tears at bedtime.
Just saying, "I wish I could see Mummy again.
" We became very much closer, very quickly.
He needed me and I needed him.
Apart from being a beautiful little chap, from even when he was tiny, it was clear that he was very, very kind.
But then the experience gives you greater empathy and he had a huge well of kindness.
Did you enjoy that? Yeah! From my point of view, I thought, "Well, this is one person "This is one person who isn't leaving me.
" Robbie knew .
.
he was dying .
.
cos he'd seen Mummy go through it.
I can't describe the feeling of pride in him that we had.
Total adoration for him.
And the way he put up with it all.
I had lots to say to him.
Um And it was all None of it was forced.
It was all true.
I told him I was very, very proud of him .
.
I loved him very much, which of course I did .
.
and that his brother and sister loved him very much and that his mummy loved him very much.
There was nothing I wanted to say to him that I didn't get to say to him.
Even down to telling him it was OK to let go .
.
and leave us.
It's your turn.
"It's OK to let go.
Mummy's waiting for you.
" One in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
Help us to change these odds.
100% of the money you give will go directly to funding vital research.
In 21st-century Britain, we have it pretty easy.
But by their own admission, modern-day celebrities have it easier than most.
I love oxygen treatments.
I want to find out how these celebrities will cope when stripped of their luxury lifestyles Absolutely beautiful.
.
.
and left to fend for themselves in the wild.
It's the glamour of showbiz.
I've abandoned 10 British celebrities on a remote desert island in the Pacific.
Tastes like piss.
Fish piss.
I have OCL.
Obsessive-compulsive laziness.
Marooned in just the clothes they stand up in and with a handful of basic tools.
I don't want to circumcise myself.
Oh, my God! Mark, Mark! Please do it! Alone with four camera operators Hi, I'm Tom.
.
.
they will film everything themselves.
This is Josie Long.
Sorry, I'm desperately trying not to flash my bum to you.
They'll only eat what they can hunt down I've got a fish! Oh, my God! .
.
and kill.
SHE SCREAMS Now I feel like an explorer.
Oh, thank you darling! This is proper real.
Deprived of all of the creature comforts I haven't taken a shit since we've got here.
Which is slightly concerning.
.
.
they take for granted Positivity, positivity, positivity.
.
.
will they have the determination This is going to hurt.
SHE SCREAMS SHE CHEERS .
.
and the strength We have no water.
We have no BEEP water.
.
.
to survive.
All right, now move! OH! We are so, so BEEP.
We've been out here for hours and hours.
HE SOBS THEY SCREAM What time does the bar open on this boat? If you have a glass of Sauvignon, what are you going to miss? As part of this year's Stand Up To Cancer campaign 10 celebrities agreed to try and endure the island.
Yes, mate! They're all taking part for free and donating their fees to charity.
Cancer's a disease that's affected every single person in some way and, you know, I'm no exception.
My grandad was such an massive part of my life and it was so brutal the way we lost him to cancer and that's my main reason why I want to do it.
I abandoned the group alone 10 days ago.
Oh, BEEP, he's gone! BEEP! For more than a week they struggled to find anything to eat.
SHE SCREAMS SHE GROANS Pushed to the edge, two of the group quit the island.
Bye, Aston! Bye, guys! With Mark's leadership coming under fire I don't want to fall out with you but I want No, please stop, guys.
Guys! Just stop.
Both of you.
More than you.
.
.
selfie queen Karen took over You don't speak like that in leadership.
You know, that's not the way to do it.
.
.
and led the islanders to victory Got it! .
.
as they finally caught their first proper meal.
Has he done it? We've got our Sunday dinner.
Real food! Ah! My morning carafe of piss.
Mm! Mm.
Saltier than usual.
Whose is this today? I wasn't comfortable but, you know, 10 days with zero food and having lost well over 2st it was me or the turkey.
Last night, the islanders caught and ate two turkeys.
What's critical now is that they make the most of this valuable injection of calories.
It's giving them what I call the golden window of opportunity and it's just how the natural world works.
Hunt, feed and use that energy to regroup and hunt again.
I think people see shows like this and you just think yeah, they're having a holiday, really, and they underestimate a little bit just how tough it is.
Like, "Oh, you did was sunbathe, all you did was lie around "on a lovely beach," and that is just bollocks.
Total bollocks.
People don't get it.
With morale on a high after yesterday's success, leader Karen has come to a decision.
Oh, my God! I saw that.
That was hilarious.
I shall retire from my political duties because everyone is just really happy now that we've had something to eat.
I'm just going to chill.
I'm really proud of myself.
Do we look like a boyband? Do we look like a really shit boyband? Following several days of conflict the islanders have decided that reality star Ollie would be a good candidate to unite the group.
And now, Blue Steel.
Ollie's leader today which I'm very happy about I definitely think that he deserves his time to shine.
I was quite touched that they think I'm kind of mature enough to lead a group.
I'm not sure I am, so I hope I don't BEEP up.
If I'm not filming Made In Chelsea, most days, I wake up in the morning, I generally put on a bit of Bieber, and light a candle and start writing.
My ancestors are sheep farmers in Somerset but they, I think, work somewhat harder than I do.
And they do have to, I don't know, breed and slay sheep.
Yeah, great.
Can't wait to see you either.
I'm not sure there's so much of a thing as an alpha male nowadays.
I think there is just, there's men.
I mean, most of the guys I know wear more make-up than the women.
That might be just Chelsea.
Morning.
Morning.
Good morning.
I want you to chill as much as you want today.
Hurrah! Because I think you really have worked hard and I think you're exhausted.
We all feel horrible.
We're smelly, We're sleep deprived.
For now, let's just chill out.
ALL: Thanks, Ollie! We have a new leader who wanted to declare a day off.
Pleasure comes before business apparently.
That's the new order of the day today.
SHE SIGHS This is the best day we've all had.
Can I just say, this is my favourite leadership so far.
Thanks.
As a hedonist.
If you've had a success, you may feel like you've earned the right to kind of, you know, take it easy, but in a survival situation there's no such thing as a day off.
If you're not thinking like three steps ahead, you're in trouble.
OH, I just need a big pizza.
Pork pie dipped in ketchup.
Or salad cream.
Oh, gherkins! Or pickled onions.
Oh, pickled onions! Just two hours in and Ollie's day of rest is starting to lose its appeal.
I'm really hungry now.
I think that turkey has given me a All that did was make me more hungry.
Yeah, I think it just sort of kick-started It activated.
Yeah, because your stomach is starting to close down.
Yeah, that's it.
Having eaten for the first time, you know, I feel hungry, I feel starving now because it's like opened up my stomach a little bit and said "Oh, food, do you remember that? Yes, I do.
" Bloody starving.
I know, guys, we're all exhausted but I want this camp to eat.
With the group once again in rapid decline, Karen decides to rebel against Ollie's enforced day off.
There's like two options on this island right now.
I can sit around camp and do absolutely nothing or I can get out there as little energy as I have and actually try and just bring something home for the group.
Determined to salvage the situation, her ambitious plan is to lead a hunt for the island's most fearsome prey, the caiman crocodile.
What I'm going to do, is I'm going to lay some caiman traps.
You're going to lay trapped? Yeah.
I really want to get a caiman.
Karen has mentioned idea of trying to find the ultimate predator now.
Which seems unlikely.
I don't know where she gets her energy from.
She's got a Red Bull in either boob.
Am I totally insane? I'm just a great believer in trying.
I am best known for being the ex-wife of an MP and the tabloids know me as the selfie queen.
Me growing up, it was a difficult childhood.
My kids are the most important thing in my life.
I want them to feel wanted whereas me, I never felt wanted.
The biggest thing for me growing up was just feeling like a burden.
Right, Milton, shall we put the peppers in? Having a childhood I had made me very driven.
I knew growing up, you know, I'm going to change my life forever.
My life won't be like this when I grow up and isn't.
To survive what I've survived, I am a natural survivor.
Right, let's go.
Karen has recruited a small hunting party to help her set the traps in the island's mangrove swamp.
I'm so glad we're doing this.
Do you reckon we can catch a caiman? Do you know, if anyone can, Karen Danczuk can.
She's a hard bastard.
Karen sort of fancies herself as a bit of an Amazon Warrior, my theory is just to lie around and hope a pig lands in my mouth but it's not going to happen.
Oh, I get so dizzy when I put the sun up Sit up.
It's all right, we'll get some food.
We'll go and get everyone a McDonald's.
Determined to make amends and feed the hungry islanders himself, leader Ollie heads off to scavenge on the coast.
I know that limpets are only one calorie and they are like eating something you find on the bottom of your shoe but hopefully they'll be They'll give us something.
This is officially left my last attempt to make the camp smile by making them suffer.
I've ensured the island has enough water, vegetation and indigenous animals to keep them alive but if they want to eat they've got to find it, catch it and kill it.
CAIMAN GROWLS The top of the food chain is the caiman crocodile.
And this is a pretty fearsome predator.
Razor-sharp teeth with a bite that's three times more powerful than a lion's.
If you've got the balls for it, and can catch one of them, it's going to provide you with masses of meat and vital proteins.
Oh, my God.
That is a big swamp, actually.
Do you think there's caiman in there? Yeah.
It looks, you know when you've just got a really funny feeling Karen's hunting party have arrived at the mangroves on the north coast of the island.
Prime caiman territory.
SHE GASPS Fuck.
Did you hear that then? Was that something getting into the water? A big splash in the water.
So it could well be a caiman.
That's actually quite scary.
It's probably staring at us right now.
Do you think we should set a trap? Yes.
I think we should definitely set a trap.
What about this one? Oh, that might work.
The islanders were taught how to make basic traps as part of their survival training.
So the caiman comes along and goes Why is it not coming off? It should go like that.
Ah, there we are.
Hopefully this will work.
Yeah.
Finding food on this island is an utter, utter nightmare.
People call it nature's supermarket.
Well, it's a massive supermarket but there's shit all in it.
THEY CHEER Success.
Karen plans to leave the trap overnight.
If a caiman takes the bait, the islanders could be in for a feast tomorrow.
Happy eating, caiman.
I wish we had some salts and lemons.
All the group had to eat tonight is a meagre helping of Ollie's limpet broth.
Ew! That's minging! That's disgusting, isn't it? HE BURPS HE GAGS That's fucking repulsive.
I want some fucking I don't know.
I'm struggling a bit.
How are you feeling? Are you all right? Today was meant to be about a fun day in every way.
I just feel like such a dick.
Don't worry.
I think Ollie is a little bit upset with his leadership.
Because he's just had a bit of a disastrous day.
He's really beating himself up about it.
I just miss home.
It just feels like an appalling prison.
Because what looks so beautiful is so difficult to live off and we're trapped here.
The islanders simply can't afford another day of failure.
This northern lass needs to pull something out of the bag very quick.
Because I'm a fighter.
And I just don't want to let the island win.
Basically.
It's so beautiful.
Starving to death in paradise! Wakey wakey! How are you feeling? I'm feeling good.
So, after a fully disheartening evening last night, I've woken up this morning in a really, really positive mood.
After his disastrous day yesterday, Ollie is now backing Karen's plan to capture the island's top predator.
Can I come with you and try and get the cayman? We're all going to go.
Are we? Yeah.
Is that what we're going to do? That's a really good shout.
I really like that.
Hurrah.
If we can catch a cayman, then that can only be a positive, can't it? Y'know, I've probably consumed in two weeks the equivalent amount of calories that I would probably consume in one day.
If the cayman's there, we just need a little bit of a plan as to who is going to do what.
Who feels able to be the one that does the killing? I think I would be, erm, the one to do that.
I think.
Perfect! You will feel guilty.
I'm sure I will, but, for the group, I think we need to eat.
No, what I'm saying is you'll feel guilty because you're a nice, normal person.
HE LAUGHS You know, you're not a natural-born killer.
No, I'm certainly not a natural-born killer.
No, neither am I.
Don't they say that serial killers start off just by killing animals? Oh, great(!) I know that we need to eat, so I want to go out there and try and prove to myself and to the group that I can bring home something that everyone can be proud of.
Right, are we all ready? Yeah.
We are! Let's go, cayman crew.
Cayman crew! Come on, lead the way.
Goodbye, brave hunters.
Dom, we're going to bring you back some dinner.
Let's do it! I think Karen is an amazing worker.
Women are just better.
They've been stronger on this, weirdly.
You kind of assume that men would be better at surviving, but actually, we've had two men leave, several men crumble, and the women are really, really strong.
Does it worry you? No! Does it worry me! I can't wait! You're just hard as nails, aren't you? Yeah! I'm from Manchester! I want a hamburger.
Unless we can catch a hamburger Unhappy about the idea of big-game hunting, animal lover Dom has opted out of Karen's plan and will spend the day fishing instead.
I know there's a weird distinction between fish and cayman, but, for me, there is.
There's no logic to it whatsoever.
There is no logic.
I love meat, all that stuff.
Do you feel a sentimentality towards it, do you think? Yeah.
I mean, I adore animals of any form, much more than humans, actually.
A bit like Hitler, really.
Come on, Wills.
Come on, Willoughby! I live on a farm.
I've got a pig, I've got three dogs, cats, some chickens.
That's your main position, isn't it? Huh? If I could take one thing in, like, one luxury item, I couldn't take my pig, because he'd be eaten, and I don't want him eaten.
That's a huge issue for me, because obviously on one of the islands there was a pig-killing, and my pig is very aware of that.
He watched that with me, and he knows I'm going on the island.
Here you go.
There you go.
This is not chicken food.
It's pig food.
I don't feel great about killing animals for food.
Even though I live on a farm, I'm a kind of pampered modernite who just assumes food just turns up and don't see it sourced.
But I'm cool with fish.
If they catch a cayman, will you eat it? Yeah.
Not much I can do about it then.
You know, there's no right or wrong, it's just that's how I feel.
So I'm not trying to make anyone else be right or wrong, it's just that's how I feel.
I know it's stupid, but it just is.
We should keep our eyes open, because there could be a cayman not in a trap.
On the other side of the island, the hunting party are approaching the swamp, where they set the trap yesterday.
My stomach's doing belly flips.
We've got to be careful here.
It could take a limb off! They're wild animals and we're in their territory, and if they feel threatened - and people trumping through their ground is probably quite threatening! When you're hunting crocs, you've got to make sure that you don't become the prey, because these prehistoric beasts are fast.
And then they strike, bam, lightning speed and incredible power.
This is a risky little game we're playing! I'm so scared! Is anyone's heart going? Oh, no! It's not looking good.
Where's the trap? It's here, but it's got the bait and got out the trap.
Oh, no! That's such a shame.
It is, but it's definitely It's moved.
I mean, that blue circle should be over the wood.
Damn! So it's been caught but it's got away.
I think so, by the looks of it, yeah.
He's in here somewhere.
With the trap disturbed, the group believe a cayman could still be lurking nearby and decide to search the surrounding area.
Bugger! How have I ended up being last? It's the last one that gets picked off.
I've seen it in the movies.
They're the ones that get attacked and picked off, and nobody notices.
Come on, cayman.
The fact is, he can probably see us right now.
Scaly arseholes.
We don't like fish anyway! It's for hippies.
Dom has spent the morning fishing, without success.
I strongly predict no fish supper! We're now hoping that the cayman guys might be more successful.
Do you know what? The island does what it wants.
It's in the lap of the gods.
I am quite hungry, though.
I know he's in here.
He could feed us for the next two days.
It would just be an amazing boost of protein.
He's grinning.
He's smiling at us.
No cayman.
The cayman hunters have combed the area around the swamp, but there's no sign of their prey.
It's a long way to find the shops closed, and then you've got to walk all the way back home.
While the others get ready to head back to camp, leader Ollie makes a final check along the shoreline.
I can't stop looking for this cayman.
Anything? Ollie? Fuck.
Look at this.
These are tracks.
Not quite sure if they, erm if they can jump out, which is why I'm being a little bit cautious.
Oh, my God! There's a fucking cayman there.
That's a fucking cayman tail.
I don't know how I'm going to do this.
Guys? Guys.
Guys.
Ollie? Have you found something? I've found a caiman.
Oh, my God, you haven't? No.
Are you serious? He's found a caiman.
No? Where is it? Round here.
(His tail is there.
) (It's here.
Its tail is there.
) There he is, it's there.
His tail is just moving.
Oh, yeah, I can see his eye.
What the fuck do we do now? Guys, what do you think? OK, so the only thing I can think of that seems to be the best plan, the safest way, if we try and grab its tail in some way.
I think, because its head's that way, we might be him pull out.
Uh-huh.
I'm just worried he's going to snap around.
Yeah.
We've got to create some sort of noose for his mouth.
Yeah To hold definitely.
I want to pull him out cos I feel strong enough.
You've got to go in without hesitation and just do it.
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
Is that all right? Yeah? And then, Ollie, when Lydia has got the noose on, you are going to jump on him.
I'll jump on him.
Bang.
Are we up for it? I'll do that, yeah.
Yeah, come on.
Lydia.
(Where is it? Oh, he's round there.
) The only way to tackle something as dangerous as a caiman crocodile is with total commitment.
You have a moment's hesitation, it can move like lightning and it can literally rip your arm right away from your shoulder.
Is everyone ready? Yeah.
Take a step back, I would.
Having decided to take on this deadly predator, the celebrities have called my safety team to the island using their emergency radio.
I'm ready, guys.
Be careful.
Be careful, sweetheart.
Be careful.
They'll stay just long enough to monitor the impending kill to make sure it's safe and humane.
Be careful.
Ooh, he's a heavy little bugger.
This way.
It's all right, don't worry.
Do not worry.
Just be so careful.
Bit closer.
SHE SHRIEKS That's what I don't want him to do to me.
Try and get it behind the teeth.
Well done, Lydia.
That's good.
Bit more, bit more.
A bit further back.
Lower.
Let loose and then pull it back.
That's it, that's the one.
That's it.
Do it again.
You're doing great, Lydia.
Seriously, you're doing so well.
Mind your feet cos you're close.
You've doing excellent.
Just take your time.
Everybody calm.
You need to let his jaw just Put the string down to the floor now, Lydia Just let him close.
.
.
and his mouth close.
Can you get it any lower? Yeah, he's closing.
Just wait.
Does it feel really tight? You're doing excellent.
Does it feel really tight now? Yeah.
Ollie, why don't you just jump on now and do it? Secure his movement, straddle him and bang.
Come on, Ollie.
You can do it.
MUFFLED CRUSH Have you done it? My God, I can see his eyes closing.
Well done, Ollie.
Excellent work, Ollie.
Thank you so much.
He didn't suffer at all.
He didn't suffer at all.
Well done.
That is fantastic.
That was instant.
Let it go, guys.
Well done.
Ah, well done.
Brilliant.
Well done, everybody.
Lydia.
Ah! Well done, girls.
Well done, everybody.
Brilliant.
Honestly, great.
My God.
And he didn't suffer.
The main thing was it was instant and it didn't suffer.
I'm so sorry, darling.
I am made up.
Absolutely made up.
I feel that me, Ollie and Lydia, to do that together is just, like, Three Musketeers.
I'm happy.
Blimey, it looks like dinner tonight.
I think that's one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life, but I just I don't know what to say.
In 21st-century Britain I think we find the whole concept of killing an animal for food, people find it cruel, they find it upsetting.
And, yes, it's never pleasant to take a life, but the reality of survival, when it comes down to it, it's a simple choice.
OK.
What we're going to do is we're actually going to pull all its guts out.
We will more than devour this.
We've all been waiting for it.
There's so many calories in there.
It's going to really help feed us.
I just really couldn't be happier.
I'm actually quite proud of myself in a weird way because this is so, so far away from anything I've been used to in my life.
And I love animals so much, but when it's in a survival situation .
.
there's literally only one thing you can do and that's to try and get it.
Let's go.
I weren't quite the pussy I was when I came into the island.
First hour I remember laying on that beach and there were hermit crabs crawling all over me and I was going, "Argh!" Then I saw a turkey get killed and I cried my eyes out.
Now, I participated in the killing of the caiman.
I have become brutal on this island.
What have you got? A caiman.
Wow, let's see.
Ah! Look at you all like soldiers.
Who delivered the deathblow? I did.
Well done, Ollie.
Ollie.
Did you do the deed? Yes.
Oh, hey, little man.
Hello.
I pulled it out of the swamp.
You pulled it out of the swamp? Yes.
Lydia held the front, I held the back.
Lydia Bright, the killer.
I'm a killer, guys.
HE SIGHS Well done, I think.
Thank you.
I think it's great.
Amazing they found one.
It's edible, it's good.
I don't know, it just feels sad for me.
I think it's sad for everyone.
I'm just an idiot.
I'm an urban Actually, I'm not an urban idiot, I'm a country idiot, but I just feel sad about it.
I just want to go back to lovely little wrapped food that I don't have to worry about, in my hypocritical world.
OK.
Excuse me.
That's brill.
How do people like their caiman? Ooh, a medium rare, please, darling.
It does look amazing.
Yeah.
This is going to be the most incredible supper.
Ooh, it looks good.
Yes, it does.
The longing! I feel like everyone is, like, on the verge of tears.
'I just couldn't be happier.
'And the whole mood of the camp is at an all-time high' at the thought of actually having maybe, like, a full stomach of food.
Guys Dinner is served.
OTHERS CHEER Well done.
There you go.
Thank you very much.
Oh, my God.
Wow, that's good.
It's like pork belly.
Absolutely stunning.
Do you think chicken? Yeah, chicken-slash-pork-fish.
Slash-fish.
That's what it is.
It's chicken-slash-pork-slash-fish.
'I'm just so, so, so made up.
' Genuinely, tears of joy.
BREAKING WIND Everyone is going to poo tomorrow! Who has not pooed yet? Me.
Me.
Me.
Five of us then.
Who has pooed, apart from Ollie? Josie has pooed loads.
I have.
And Tom.
I've had about four.
No, you haven't.
You've got to join the poo club, it's the place to be.
Oh, my God.
This is very surreal.
I would never have thought that I would be asking Dom Joly, the guy that I watched on Trigger Happy TV, "Have you had a poo?" That's exactly how I wanted my life to be.
Maybe tomorrow will be a large poo day.
BREAKING WIND AND LAUGHTER I love it! 'I've got a bit of a spring in my step this morning.
'I am feeling full of beans, full of life.
' Welcome to our garden, guys.
I think it's just amazing what a little bit of food can do for you.
And it really picks up everyone's spirits and energy levels.
Yeah, it's brilliant.
SHOUTS: Hello! What? No, I'm on the island.
The ISLAND! No, it's rubbish! THEY CHEER Go on, Dom! Tomorrow the celebrities will be leaving the island for good, but the pride of enduring, the pride of having come through it all, that will last a lifetime.
And boy, they've earned it.
Ooh.
Oh, they are here.
Yay! We had a little explore and believe it or not, we have found loads of yucca.
SHE GASPS They're massive! And ironically, we're actually on our last day, which is quite funny.
We just keep falling over yucca now.
We've been here two bloody weeks.
I know.
On the island under the sun We live on yucca, it's so much fun 'Sometimes we all feel like we just don't have a clue what we're doing 'and everything is just so unknown to us.
' But we really are beginning to thrive and I feel really proud of that.
It's amazing, what we're doing here.
Remember, we are basically idiots and we're surviving.
It's good.
We're still smiling, we're still alive, no-one has died yet.
I think we're in good shape.
We are going to play Play Your Coconuts Right, hurray! After two weeks away from civilisation, the celebrities are celebrating their last night on the island.
Are we higher or lower than a six? Lower! Former hotel manager Mark is in charge of the entertainment.
Higher than six? It's a 10.
Yes! Mark was just a revelation.
He just had it, he was brilliant.
He put a smile on everyone's face.
When you're smiling When you're smiling the whole world smiles with you.
We haven't drunk anything but water from a pond for two weeks.
We haven't brushed our teeth for two weeks, haven't used deodorant, we haven't got soap.
We are fucking disgustingly filthy.
But what I really have loved is getting to know 14 truly wonderful people.
We have become a family.
Just for a couple of weeks we have become a family.
I can't believe we fucking made it.
Aww! We did it! Good morning, Councillor Karen.
Good morning, Dom.
We're going home to Rochdale.
SHE LAUGHS We're getting out of here! The truth is, I'm not happy cos I'm go home, I'm happy cos I'm going to get a club sandwich.
The thought of just having a shower and brushing my teeth Shit and a shower, hey? DOM SIGHS HAPPILY I'm so happy.
I'm happier than you.
I just I'm fucking happier than you.
I think I'm actually going to miss the company, which is rather surprising.
I never thought I'd say that.
To begin with, that was what I found the hardest.
But, now, do you find, sort of, comfort in the company, is that? Yeah, I'm putting up with everyone much better! HE LAUGHS Show me the way to go home! So, it's officially the last day.
We've just woken up and, um Cayman! Cayman! Cayman! OLLIE MAKES CHOKING NOISES I was the cayman and Dom was me.
We've gone delirious.
Take us home! It's now time for the group to leave the island for good.
Guys, we are departing this camp and the last thing we need to do is put out the thing that's kept us going the whole time here, thanks mainly to Dawn and Thom.
So I think it should be Dawn to put out the final fire, which puts out life on this island.
Are we ready? ALL: Yes! Go, Dawn! Three, two, one THEY CHEER AND CLAP Well done! Let's get the fudge out of here.
Let's get the fudge out of here! I'm so proud of what these guys have achieved.
And, for these celebrities, giving up their luxury lifestyles to exist out here with nothing must have seemed a daunting prospect.
I knew it was going to be hard, but, nothing can prepare you for the hardship of this.
Are you all right? It's just disastrous.
'Oh, my God.
I've never been so thirsty in my life.
' I can't believe how intense and awful that felt.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, full stop.
It's getting through those low moments and getting to the high moments that just make it all worthwhile.
Throughout all our struggles, we stuck together.
The best thing about The Island for me was meeting the most incredible people.
Right.
Here we go.
Come here, you big, grumpy old fucker.
I quite genuinely think I've made some really good friends.
Hooray! 'It's a funny group of people.
' We are not natural survivalists.
Agh! We were a messy bunch, all right? A wonderful bunch, but a messy bunch.
I'll miss you.
It's absolutely affirmed the fact that kindness is the most important thing in any situation, whether it be walking down the King's Road or stranded on a desert island.
The colour of that water is so beautiful.
I feel lucky and I think it's going to make me a lot more fearless in my daily life and I want to really harness that.
I love it! It was hard, it was a challenge, but it was fun.
'I'm so proud of us all, actually.
' Fantastic.
Well done.
I think it shown me that, in a survival situation, you can be whatever you want to be.
Yeah! We've done it! There were certain aspects of it, I have to say, I have enjoyed, despite all the hardship and everything else.
I haven't hated every minute.
Would I want to book in for another two weeks next year? I'm not sure.
I might pass on that one.
There's the boat! Yes! Hello! Freedom! THEY WHOOP AND CHEER The boat! THEY CHEER I think in both survival and in life, you know, good things and worthwhile things don't always come easy.
And, for those that can endure on the island, they're going to take a sense of incredible pride back with them.
Do you speak English? We are celebrities.
We wish to go home.
Oh, wow! Oh, my God.
He's on! Woohoo! Do you speak English? We need food.
We need drink.
It's going! OK.
We can go now, thank you.
Let's go.
Wrap it up.
Let's go.
Guys, we're back in three weeks.
And we'll bring yucca.
We did! We did it! We did it, Dom! Oh, my God.
Yes! Oh, God.
Really? THEY SCREAM Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's awesome.
Holy crap! There's watermelon! Oh, my God.
I've been dreaming of this.
I can't get in.
I'm too weak.
Oh, my God.
Sugar! Sugar, sugar, sugar! Oh, my God! Oh, wow! Oh! This is how happy I am right about now.
When it comes to saying goodbye to the island, there's going to be a tinge of regret because it's been such an emotional journey for everybody.
You know, we're all here for a special reason and that makes it different.
We weren't here to prove we're survivalists.
We were here to try and raise money for Cancer Research.
I think cos I'm here and cos I've lost someone very close to me to cancer, even when I was feeling really, really shit, I would know that I was doing it for that person and that would give me, you know, inner strength just to carry on.
At those low weak points, I really did genuinely think about all those people out there, all those incredible people living with cancer who are struggling to fight their battles every single day.
And, for me, they really were the true heroes.
Well done, us.
We've survived.
We're off the island.
So, bye! ALL: Bye! Won't miss you, you bastard! THEY CHEER Party boat! We're back.
People must bow to us from now on.
There's no doubt, the island really dramatically changes people.
Invariably, it changes people's lives and for the better.
It gives them an appreciation of what they really value in their life.
It's almost always family, friends, loved ones, because, ultimately, it's where you find your strength.
LINE RINGS Hello? 'Hello? Yay! How are you?' It's me.
'How are you?' I'm good.
HE SNIFFS I'm good.
'So did you just get out?' Yeah, I'm out.
Oh, it just hit me.
'So, tell us, how was it?' It was fucking unbelievably hard.
Oh, hello.
It's me.
'Oh, God.
I've been worried sick about you!' LAUGHING: Well, I'm still alive! 'I don't think I've ever, ever missed anyone as much 'as I've missed you.
' Oh! You're making me cry! 'You must never, ever, ever, promise me, 'that you'll do something like this again.
' HE SOBS: I'm so glad to hear your voice.
It's so stupid.
'Oh! No, it isn't.
It's lovely to hear your voice, too.
' I killed a cayman, Mum.
'You killed a what?' I killed a crocodile.
'You killed a crocodile?' Yeah.
They came onto the island as celebrities, but they leave, really, as survivors.
And, I just hope they can take what they've learnt about themselves and each other and use it as a force for good in each of their lives.
But, from me, respect.
I'm dying for a glass of champagne! WEDDING BELLS SOUND IN DISTANCE We're thirsty! One thing everybody always said about Kate was she was first and foremost a mother.
Extremely caring, loving, just very happy in the company of her children.
But I always felt she gave it a little bit extra because she put herself last.
Kate and I had three children, Harry and Lara.
And, when Harry was ten and Lara was eight, we then had number three, Robbie.
Kate spent most of her time holding on to him going HE TUTS AND SIGHS .
.
like this.
And Robbie going, "Mummy, let me go.
" And they just had the most wonderful relationship.
We were a very happy little family.
The diagnosis was obviously devastating for everybody.
I can't describe how, um It seemed unreal.
Kate and I never talked about her dying.
Three years after the diagnosis, we were in the car on the way back from the doctor's surgery when he had just said she had six weeks to live.
She said, "Darling, I think it's time we talked, we really talked.
" I said, "Yes, I agree.
" She said, "But I'm too tired now.
Let's do it tomorrow.
" She came home and went to bed and she died on the Monday morning.
The hardest thing with Robbie was I couldn't fix it for him.
The moments I remember more than any were tears at bedtime.
Just saying, "I wish I could see Mummy again.
" We became very much closer, very quickly.
He needed me and I needed him.
Apart from being a beautiful little chap, from even when he was tiny, it was clear that he was very, very kind.
But then the experience gives you greater empathy and he had a huge well of kindness.
Did you enjoy that? Yeah! From my point of view, I thought, "Well, this is one person "This is one person who isn't leaving me.
" Robbie knew .
.
he was dying .
.
cos he'd seen Mummy go through it.
I can't describe the feeling of pride in him that we had.
Total adoration for him.
And the way he put up with it all.
I had lots to say to him.
Um And it was all None of it was forced.
It was all true.
I told him I was very, very proud of him .
.
I loved him very much, which of course I did .
.
and that his brother and sister loved him very much and that his mummy loved him very much.
There was nothing I wanted to say to him that I didn't get to say to him.
Even down to telling him it was OK to let go .
.
and leave us.
It's your turn.
"It's OK to let go.
Mummy's waiting for you.
" One in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
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