Close Enough (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

1
- [LAUGHING]
- Shh! Shut up.
Aaah!
Ugh!
[LAUGHING]
Oh!
Hohohohohohoho.
Dudes, come on!
[LAUGHING]
Oho, these guys.
Whoa!
Aah!
Ah!
Dude, is this milk?!
- [LAUGHING]
- Oh, wh-- Oh!
Oho! Wipeout!
Ah!
Dude, is this milk?!
We got you good, man.
That was so epic.
I used to be the prank master
in high school.
I want in on the action.
Uh, no disrespect, Josh, but I
don't think that's a good idea.
Why?
I mean, we love you, dude,
but pranks are kind of
a young thing.
And you're kind of
an old thing.
Yeah, man.
You're so old, if you said
racist stuff,
we'd kind of just let it slide.
What?
I'm not old.
Would an old person do this?
Aw! I thought
it was over you guys.
Old as "F."
Ow!
Ugh!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
- Huh huh huh!
- There you go!
- Huh huh!
- Good!
Why are we doing this?
Well, sweetie, some of us
have to learn
how to defend ourselves
because some of us
ditch each other
in dangerous situations.
What?
I did not ditch you.
I'm gonna catch ya.
I'm gonna catch ya!
[BOTH SCREAM]
Bridgette?
Have you guys seen
a Poliwrath around here?
No one plays that game anymore!
Hello, ladies!
Glad you're all here 'cause
I have a big announcement.
"Prank-mas came early.
You're invited to a prank war.
Pranks for playing"?
Ugh, he spent way too long
in the car
coming up with those puns.
What's this?
It's a prank war!
We're all gonna do pranks
on each other. It'll be fun!
Isn't there some other way
for you
to desperately cling
to your lost youth?
Ugh! I don't cling
to my lost youth!
Mornin', Mr. Singleton!
Special delivery of those
Crossfire refill pellets
you ordered.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Josh, I occasionally love
that you feel like
you're in high school,
but we've grown
out of doing pranks.
You never grow out
of doing fun things.
Prank war is on!
So I'll just, uh, leave these
by the door then, or?
Don't stop me now ♪
I'm having such a good time ♪
- Whoa, whoa! Oh!
- Wow.
I'm having a ball ♪
Don't stop me now ♪
Gotcha!
Ugh!
If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call ♪
Don't stop me now ♪
'Cause I'm having
a good time ♪
Don't stop me now ♪
Yes, I'm having a good time ♪
I don't want to stop at all ♪
Yeah, I'm a rocket ship
on my way to Mars ♪
On a collision course ♪
I am a satellite ♪
I'm out of control ♪
Whoa, whoa!
Aah! Ugh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, explode ♪
[GROANING]
I'm burnin' through the sky,
yeah, 200 degrees ♪
Prank war!
[LAUGHING]
Somebody get these MF'ing
snakes off this MF'ing stage!
No?
Nobody saw that movie?
Ugh!
[CROWD CHEERING]
- Feeling young yet?
- No.
Do you mind watching Candice
till Emily and Bridgette
come out?
I'm gonna walk home.
Yeah, man, I got your back.
But my small talk with children
is real limited!
So
did you hear that new
Ween album?
- Wah!
- Aah!
Tip?
[LAUGHS] Whoa!
Sweet prank, man.
It's technically
more of a scare.
I've never gotten you before?
I've been working this corner
for 10 years.
No way!
How old are you?
- 32.
- So you're my age
and you're still
having fun pranking people?
Well, I actually studied scaring
at the Ottawa Conservatory of --
You got to prank my friends!
That's them, right there.
[♪♪♪]
Mmm
Mmm!
Oh, my God.
She's so hot.
Hey, that's my wife.
The Japanese woman?
Oh, no, the other one.
Eh, she's okay.
But the Japanese woman
is beautiful.
Bridgette?
I mean, yeah,
she's very pretty
[GASPS]
and newly divorced.
And you know what else?
She loves getting scared.
- She does?
- Totally.
Hey, do you think maybe
after the scare, you can
introduce me?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just get down.
Enough with the pranks, Josh.
You just got us banned
from that club.
Okay, I can see where you're
coming from, and you're right.
Let's hug it out.
We don't need to hug it out.
Ehh?
Ah, geez.
-What are y--
-Where are you going?
Do you know how hugs work?
- Aah!
- Aah!
- Huh!
- Huh!
Huh-hu-huh-uh-hu-hu-hu!
The big "C."
It's tough to beat.
- Wh-Whoa.
Th-They punched Bush Guy
so hard he got cancer?
Oh, no!
I always call a coma
"the big C."
You know what?
Why don't you take Candice
to get some crackers?
Ooh! Crackers!
The big "C"!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes!
Ugh. This will put my PhD
in anthropology
with an emphasis
on Viking history to good use.
Eight years, Emily!
Eight years!
- Freeze! Police!
- [GASPS]
Are you the two women
that knocked this
innocent man into a coma?
What?
No!
What are you doing?
I've got a job!
And a kid!
- And a husband!
That's debatable!
Where are you taking them?
They're going to
a holding cell downtown.
and unless Bush Guy wakes up
and decides not
to press charges,
we're looking at the big "M."
Murder?!
Oh, actually, that's pretty
close. Manslaughter!
Uhhh.
Come on.
You know, mommy allows me
one candy a day.
Okay, whatever.
And the cycle
of capitalism continues.
Ha!
Prank war!
I'm not supposed to have candy!
Okay. You got me?
Pfft.
A-Are you
Oh!
Oh, God!
Aah!
Hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Aah!
Candice, be careful!
I pranked my way into this.
Maybe I can prank my way out.
Hmm.
Hmm.
H--
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Good Lord!
Hammers are for amnesia.
Yah!
Aah!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Aah! Aah!
I've got a family!
[♪♪♪]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
[♪♪♪]
Oh, man.
Oh, man, oh, man.
Relax, Em.
This is just another prank.
It's all fake.
I can't believe Josh went
through all of this
just to feel young again.
It's so sad.
Alex and I had better
production value
on our bedroom role play.
I mean, look at this.
This woman couldn't look
more "stereotypical prisoner."
Is that real?
- Is this real?
- Aah!
Oh, my God!
It's real!
It's not a prank!
This is not a prank!
[SCREAMING]
How long until Josh gets here?
He's probably not coming!
This is our life now!
Stupid prank war!
I'm sorry, Bush Guy.
This is all my fault.
Pranking's a young man's game.
Now you're gonna die,
and I've ruined everything
for Emily and Bridgette.
Ohh
Huh?
Bridgette?
Ohh
- [GASPS] Emily?
- Ehh.
- Bridgette.
- Unh unh unh, ohh
Holy crap!
But how could I
Aah!
You have crazy
upper-body strength.
Ugh!
Josh!
Emily!
- Oh, hey, man.
- Damn it, Josh!
Candice lost her mind.
She's all jacked up on candy.
Oh, yeah, you're not supposed
to give her candy.
I am Candeesi!
Mother of candies!
I don't know how much longer
this guy's gonna last.
We got to get him to the jail.
For the record, I feel really
weird holding your daughter
while my ass is
in this guy's face!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Just stick together.
Just stick together.
Emily!
Bridgette!
Josh! We didn't think
you were coming.
I know, but we're gonna
get you out of here.
Bridgette, you're the key
to waking up Bush Guy.
Why me?
Because he thought you were hot.
- Did he think I was hot?
- He
thought you were
a really nice person,
and he hopes you find happiness.
Aww!
Oh, gross.
Okay, what am I supposed to do?
- Just talk to him.
- Uh, okay.
Hey, Bush Guy!
Unh
Ugh!
Ohh.
Taking a nap again, Morales?
-What the --
-[GASPS]
- Go get it!
- Yeah!
Yes!
[ALARM BLARING]
No!
Hurry, Bridgette.
Sex it up a little, you know?
Say some of that stuff
you said on our honeymoon.
Uh, don't worry.
It happens to a lot of guys.
What?! No!
The Viking stuff!
Just do it, Bridgette!
Twist 'em!
Twist 'em!
For Valhalla!
- Aah!
- Yeah! You did it!
Yes!
I'm not a man-slaughterer!
Ugh!
Ah
Why do my nipples feel
more raw than usual?
I am so glad that Bush Guy
dropped the charges.
Ugh, can you believe
he still asked me out on a date?
Well, I'm officially done.
Prank war is over.
I'm so glad to hear
you say that.
ALL: Aah!
[GASPS]
Nooooo!
[CRYING]
Prank war!
Huh?
- Look at his face!
- Dude, she got you!
Prank war is back on!
Whoo!
No, Josh, wait!
Welp, back to jail.
Emily, we have to get
the girls together again.
I loved our 90-minute
conversation
on homework technique
and containers.
Can't wait!
Kill me now.
Uh-oh.
Trouble in mom-i-dise?
Whenever Candice plays
with a kid,
I gotta hang out
with their lame ass mom.
Oh, my God! Okay.
You gotta find a new crew.
You've got your L.L. Bean
moms -- snoozefest.
The single moms.
Should someone help that woman?
No one can help her.
And over there we have --
[GASPS]
The cool moms.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
The coolest moms around.
And their kids
are top of the class.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
I give them "A" s
so they'll like me.
I'm so stupid, whatever!
You know what?
We're all adults.
I'm just gonna walk up to them
and say something cool
like, "Hey."
So that's how I gave
Michael Douglas throat cancer.
[LAUGHTER]
Jojo, you're the best.
Heeeeeey.
I'm so sorry, she's a rescue.
[CHUCKLES]
That's the thirstiest "Hey"
I've ever heard.
Why is she -- Oh, my God.
Okay, she's coming,
she's coming -- how do I look?
Is the bun fun?
Hey.
Hey, 'sup?
Our kids are really
getting along.
Play date.
4:00.
Your house.
Yes.
I'll bring a great bottle
of Shiraz, cool?
Heh, no plus ones.
No, I'm cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My iCal is totally full,
love you guys!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Ew. Josh, you know I'm trying
to get the house
cleaned up for the play date.
Sorry, Em. Mess is part
of my process,
duh-doy!
Alex, what are you doing?
I'm beautiful minding, duh-doy.
[ENGINE REVVING]
Son of bitch!
Let me borrow your car.
- Hi, Randy.
- Josh, let me borrow your car.
Emily is being impossible.
What?
We just heard you crash yours
into that tree.
The tree is not the issue!
My mom just snuck off
to Palm Springs with some rando!
Hah, good for her!
Emily, I swear to God!
Why don't you do Randy a solid
and just drive him yourself?
To the desert?
Sure!
Take Alex with you.
It'll be a fun road trip!
BOTH: Road trip!
Mix CDs!
Dried meats!
Stopping at a scary truck
stop late at night!
Talking about our feelings!
What is happening?
And the best part is,
you'll get out of the house --
I mean, you'll save Pearle
and get out of the house.
[♪♪♪]
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
Hmm.
[♪♪♪]
Aahh!
[♪♪♪]
[LAUGHTER]
What up? Let me see those hands
up in the air!
[GRUNTING]
[♪♪♪]
Ah!
That should be enough.
[ENGINE REVS]
[GASPS]
She's so cool.
Hey, Mom, you should wear
this hat I made you at school!
Okay.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[LAUGHS]
Jojo, Mia!
Hi!
I mean -- 'sup?
Oh, you keep all those things.
I just take a picture
and throw it away.
She doesn't know the difference.
Oh, yeah!
I was just about to do that.
Couldn't set up the camera
in time.
Well, come in.
I was thinking we can all play
Butterfly Barn.
I want to be the butter pig.
Not happening.
Hey, why don't you two go off
and make your own choices --
good or bad.
We're going to down a batch
of my latest.
Homemade beer?
Is this really happening?
Do I really have to be
alone with her?
She made Mr. Campbell
give himself a time out.
You are not gonna cry,
Timothy Brice Campbell.
Not for her!
It's not my fault I found
his terrible improve troupe
on YouTube.
Go!
It will be great.
JOSH: Dude, what's your problem?
You two are my problem!
You don't know what it's like
to be the kid of a cop,
worried your mom's not coming
home at the end of a shift.
Dang, man, I'm sorry.
I just need to make sure
she's okay!
[SOBBING]
[♪♪♪]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[SCREECHES]
You know, it's natural to want
to protect your mother
with everything
that she did for you.
- Ahhhhhh!
- Sweet Pattie La-Belle!
You're alive?!
Should it be so surprising
to see a miracle
in the holiest of places?
I bet you could get us
to the resort faster
than this junk chunk.
Oh, good.
It'll give us time to go
over the word of the lord.
And that's why adultery
is my favorite reason
for stoning women.
- Dude.
- Come on!
Wow. So you don't give Mia
any boundaries at all?
It's like this sour beer.
I mean, you can't just sit there
and watch the hops 24/7.
You got to give it space.
That's why it tastes so good.
Wow.
That -- That's so true.
Also, I let Mia drink beer.
It's like what they say
in Europe --
no rules, just right.
Isn't that the slogan
for Outback Steakhouse?
Yeah! But we went to the one
in Europe, so
Mom!
Mia broke my piggy bank!
Oh, I'm sure it was an accident.
Mia, we're in someone
else's home.
Was that piggy bank
stifling your voice?
Yes, Jojo!
Capitalism is
the great oppressor!
Ooh, respect.
Ugh, you're just gonna
let her do that, Mom?
Well, you can't let things
stifle your voice.
And you know what, don't call me
Mom, call me Emily.
Aggression is natural.
You just got to get it out.
That's why I take Mia
to this wrestling class.
Wrestling?
You should come!
Everybody's gonna be there.
Ehh?
We're here!
ALEX: "Mother's End --
Home Of The Secret Nudist Temple
Where Sound Doesn't Exist?"
Sounds like the perfect place
to kill someone.
Flawless Caruso, bro.
[GRUNTS]
Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh-shh.
[BOTH GASP]
Dude?!
We go where the road takes us,
come on!
[♪♪♪]
Emily, meet the crew.
This is Billie.
'Sup?
Billie gave Usher herpes.
Zola, the best SoulCycle instructor on the East Side.
Yo.
Saffron, she's a staff writer
for Goop Kids.
And Trish.
Hi, nice to meet you, Emily.
Trish is so norm-core, it's sad.
Just like your apartment.
What?!
Jojo, how's Mia taking
to her new diet?
Amazing.
I'm only feeding her superfoods.
That's why she's
crushing bitches!
[GROANING]
Let's get Candice out there,
see what she's got.
Ugh, I don't want to.
You can do it, don't be scared.
Mom!
Mom?
Who are you talking to?
I'm Emily.
Ugh!
Look, I'll try to take out
as many people as possible,
but I can't kill
everyone by myself.
You're each responsible
for a body.
[GONG SOUNDS]
What the hell is that noise?!
Ahh!
We'll naked wrestle these guys!
Randy, go save your mom!
[SCREAMING]
[♪♪♪]
[WARBLING]
[HIGH-PITCHED HUMMING]
No one touches my ma!
What the?!
Randy?
I'm here to save you!
You must be Randy!
Randy, why are you here?!
I told you I could
take care of myself.
I thought he was murdering you!
Ha, if by murdering,
you mean kill off
your mother's aching muscles
with soothing sound waves.
I find that hard to believe!
We met when I was undercover
with Big Donnie's crew.
He took 13 bullets
for me in a shootout.
It was nothing.
I'm impressed with
your detective work,
but I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry, Ma.
It's just -- every night
growing up,
I'd lie in bed until I heard
the click of the door opening.
Because that's when I knew
you were safe.
And even though you're retired,
I guess I still need
to hear that click.
Oh, baby, if the streets of LA
couldn't take me out,
nothing can.
I'm un-murderable.
She has very strong legs.
You're right, Dad.
[♪♪♪]
Road trip!
Road trip!
I'm gonna break you the way
I broke that piggy bank!
She's gonna go easy
on her, right?
No mercy, Mia!
You know how we do!
You're doing the right thing.
I let Mia beat my kid's ass,
and now we vacation
with them in Cabo.
Stop!
Candice!
I should have never set up
this play date.
You don't ever have to try
to do anything to be cool.
You're the coolest person
I know.
Can we go home and play?
You bet.
Yeah, go on home
to your board games.
You want to know
why they're called that?
Because they're boring.
I knew you couldn't be
a cool mom.
Maybe not, but I could beat
a cool mom's ass!
It's on!
Ready?
Go!
Yeah get her!
You can do it.
Come on!
Slam it down, bitch!
You can do it, Mom!
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
Have fun with the loser moms.
[GRUNTING]
[♪♪♪]
Agh!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[BONE CRACKS]
Ahh! Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry!
Is there a doctor here?
I deserve this for being
such a dick.
Ow! Ah!
Peace out!
Mia, you're driving!
That was really brave of you
to stand up to Jojo.
She terrifies me.
Oh, thanks.
Maybe we could all get together
some time?
As long as we get to play
Butterfly Barn!
Oh, my gosh!
I love Butterfly Barn!
I'll bring the homemade beer.
[GASPS]
Just kidding,
I'm not a douche-bag.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]