Common Ground (2013) s01e04 Episode Script
Sunshine Simon
We're ten minutes from arrival with prisoner, over.
Received.
See you shortly.
Open the door! Open the door! Hands on the fucking window! Come on.
Now! Come on! Don't even think about moving! Bev.
Hello, love.
I need to bring that Thigh Master in for you.
You look great by the way - really good.
Thanks.
I tell ya, that Bev has got a cheek.
She's just asked to borrow my Thigh Master.
Babe after the way she was flirting with ya at the summer fair.
Mickey's out.
What? You're joking.
Now, today? What happened to life meaning fucking life?! Well, he wasn't released, he broke out.
Typical Mick, sticking it to the man, the nutter.
Simon, are you happy about this? No, I'm just saying it's one of those things that Mickey This is Mad Mickey Quinn.
He's my best mate.
He's Tia's Godfather.
He stabbed you in the leg with a pizza cutter.
Well, that was just a bit of matey banter, a joke that got out of hand.
"Matey banter"? It was a millimetre away from a vital artery.
Yeah, if he wanted to hit that artery he probably would of.
Just when we've got our lives together.
Look, Mickey is a lot of things, he's a psychopath, yeah, he's murderous, he's probably insane, but he is not stupid, he will not show up around here.
I do not wanna have to tell Bob and Lynne that we can't go to Florida.
Sort this out.
Have you heard the news? Yeah, we've heard all about it.
This is Mad Mickey, the man you've been speaking so affectionately of, the criminal legend.
He's no legend, Salim, he's a nutty, nasty little shit.
Were you not engaged to him, Kelly? Well, you two have been having quite the gossip.
Right Best crack on, on me own today.
Webby's off, his IBS is playing up again so Why don't you take him with you? Eh? I would love to spend the day with Mr Sunshine - learn the ropes.
Nah, you're alright.
I'll go on me own.
I'm only collecting off Terry.
Terry the Chip? Not Terry the Chip.
Black Terry? No.
Terry the Taff? No.
Ginger Terry? Nah, nah, just Big Fat Terry.
You lent Big Fat Terry money.
What are you thinking? I didn't authorise that.
He's alright for it.
He's a good guy, I've known him for years.
He better be.
You're taking Salim with you, aren't you? So, how did you and Mad Mickey the Quinn come to be friends? Helmand Province, 2003.
Prisoners of war, like the soldiers in A Winter's Night, with a vow to defend.
No retreat, baby, no surrender.
Wilfred Owen.
Bruce Springsteen.
Alright, straighten up, try and look a little bit scary.
He is with the angels now.
What are you doing? That's what we do where I come from.
Sleep tight, my brother.
See ya, Tel.
I mean, boys you've never seen anything like it.
I mean, it was a work of art - he stabbed the man 17 times.
He just got stuck right in, he's like one, two, three four, then he's turned the blade, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
All of this because the man spilled his drink? To be fair, it was like a round of drinks.
And then he's just gone around his ribs, it was lovely work, 11, 12, 13, 14 15, 16, 17 and one for fun.
Hello, Sunshine.
Alright.
Who is he? A mate of yours, a mate of ours? That's just Sal.
Sal? Sal's a bird's name.
No, I think it's Indian.
It's a Persian name, actually.
Very nice to meet you, Mr Quinn.
He's enraging me.
Shut up Salim.
So, Mick, how long are you thinking about sticking around for? What's the matter? Eh? You not happy to see me or something? Nah, I'm over the moon.
But, I mean, the Old Bill, they're gonna come sniffing round for you, ain't they? How's Tia? Them Pikeys bring round her pony, did they? Yeah, thanks for that.
And tell Maria I'll send her one for her next birthday.
Two ponies - brilliant.
Like I say, the police are gonna come looking for you.
I need cash.
I nicked a car just to get here.
You're kidding.
Where you parked it? Car park.
What? What am I supposed to do? Fucking walk, you numpty? There's 300 quid there.
300? What am I supposed to do with 300 quid? I need ten large, at least.
Ten grand? I haven't got that kind of money.
Well, now, that leaves only one other option then dunnit? Kidnap! Kidnap? What? You got a better idea, have ya? Well, all I'm saying is we need to think about it With the correct amount of planning and precision, kidnap can be the most lucrative of ventures.
Yes! You see, now Yoda he understands.
Yeah? And who are you planning to kidnap? Frank Lampard.
He's what? What is he thinking? Well, he's not thinking, it's Mick, he's back out 10 minutes, he's already a nightmare.
Urg! He was always like this - so erratic, so random, so impulsive.
How did he look? Alright mate.
Look at you, you look gorgeous.
You made all your collections, everything alright? It's weird, man, everyone came down and paid me in the cafe before breakfast.
That's because Simon topped Big Fat Terry.
How'd you do him? How'd you do him? What does it matter how I did him? Fact of the matter is he's dead and we're three grand down.
Listen, Cockburn's back on the Manor right, he's looking for Mickey.
Mickey gave the Wiggler a proper fucking hiding this morning, broke his coccyx.
Oh, for fuck sake.
Where is your coccyx? Think it's the lower back I it was like in the neck Does it matter? Nah.
Make sure you get some rest, we've got a busy weekend, alright? Enjoy yourselves, yeah! Here we go.
Afternoon, DCI Cockburn Ah, look It's the great Gutsby! Look at the state of you, man, it's like somebody's shaved Pudsey the fucking bear.
If you've come as a cunt, you've won.
Tommy, can I get you a drink? Aye, I'll have a pint of milk.
What kind? Coo's.
Now, I imagine you know why I'm here.
Your old friend Mickey Quinn's decided he wants a wee break.
He wants to ignite our old game of cat and mouse.
Is nothing sacred? This is a man's funeral.
We've given him the front bar Muted Sky Sports.
Out of respect.
Or guilt.
Respect? Don't make me laugh.
Rumour has it you topped Big Fat Terry over a debt.
Did he owe you money? Everyone owes someone something.
Just who do you owe, Sunshine? I Shh.
Wheest.
I don't give a rat's dick about that fat ball bag - it's put him out of his misery as far as I'm concerned.
What the fuck are you looking at! So as you know, if Quinn raises his head, I'm gonna fire first and ask questions later - that goes for him or anybody with him.
You're pan bread, fatso.
Pleasure as always, Tommy.
Oh.
I'm sorry for your loss.
It was a beautiful service.
Yeah, it was good turn out considering.
Well, whatever else he was, he was your son and you do what you can for your kids.
I mean, my two, I'm not that keen on them as people but I love 'em.
My Terry was a useless, fat twat, but he had his moments.
He did one nice thing for me, he bought me a holiday, all inclusive to Corfu Free drinks except premium brands.
I mean, goodness knows how he afforded it - he never worked a day in his whole life.
Wanna DVD? Keira Knightly new one, pound? Where d'you get those DVDs, sweetheart? I've got Anal Academy 5, an'all.
How much? See, my silly sod of a husband lent your good-for-nothing son money - three grand to be exact.
Now, I know this is a hard time, but I'm gonna need that money back.
Alright, you old mug? Salim, what you doin' here? He's with me! Is he? I haven't got any money.
You've got an all-inclusive holiday to Corfu, Gracie.
I told you I'd do it.
You're joking.
You didn't.
Never doubt Mad Mickey Quinn.
Alright Frank?
Received.
See you shortly.
Open the door! Open the door! Hands on the fucking window! Come on.
Now! Come on! Don't even think about moving! Bev.
Hello, love.
I need to bring that Thigh Master in for you.
You look great by the way - really good.
Thanks.
I tell ya, that Bev has got a cheek.
She's just asked to borrow my Thigh Master.
Babe after the way she was flirting with ya at the summer fair.
Mickey's out.
What? You're joking.
Now, today? What happened to life meaning fucking life?! Well, he wasn't released, he broke out.
Typical Mick, sticking it to the man, the nutter.
Simon, are you happy about this? No, I'm just saying it's one of those things that Mickey This is Mad Mickey Quinn.
He's my best mate.
He's Tia's Godfather.
He stabbed you in the leg with a pizza cutter.
Well, that was just a bit of matey banter, a joke that got out of hand.
"Matey banter"? It was a millimetre away from a vital artery.
Yeah, if he wanted to hit that artery he probably would of.
Just when we've got our lives together.
Look, Mickey is a lot of things, he's a psychopath, yeah, he's murderous, he's probably insane, but he is not stupid, he will not show up around here.
I do not wanna have to tell Bob and Lynne that we can't go to Florida.
Sort this out.
Have you heard the news? Yeah, we've heard all about it.
This is Mad Mickey, the man you've been speaking so affectionately of, the criminal legend.
He's no legend, Salim, he's a nutty, nasty little shit.
Were you not engaged to him, Kelly? Well, you two have been having quite the gossip.
Right Best crack on, on me own today.
Webby's off, his IBS is playing up again so Why don't you take him with you? Eh? I would love to spend the day with Mr Sunshine - learn the ropes.
Nah, you're alright.
I'll go on me own.
I'm only collecting off Terry.
Terry the Chip? Not Terry the Chip.
Black Terry? No.
Terry the Taff? No.
Ginger Terry? Nah, nah, just Big Fat Terry.
You lent Big Fat Terry money.
What are you thinking? I didn't authorise that.
He's alright for it.
He's a good guy, I've known him for years.
He better be.
You're taking Salim with you, aren't you? So, how did you and Mad Mickey the Quinn come to be friends? Helmand Province, 2003.
Prisoners of war, like the soldiers in A Winter's Night, with a vow to defend.
No retreat, baby, no surrender.
Wilfred Owen.
Bruce Springsteen.
Alright, straighten up, try and look a little bit scary.
He is with the angels now.
What are you doing? That's what we do where I come from.
Sleep tight, my brother.
See ya, Tel.
I mean, boys you've never seen anything like it.
I mean, it was a work of art - he stabbed the man 17 times.
He just got stuck right in, he's like one, two, three four, then he's turned the blade, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
All of this because the man spilled his drink? To be fair, it was like a round of drinks.
And then he's just gone around his ribs, it was lovely work, 11, 12, 13, 14 15, 16, 17 and one for fun.
Hello, Sunshine.
Alright.
Who is he? A mate of yours, a mate of ours? That's just Sal.
Sal? Sal's a bird's name.
No, I think it's Indian.
It's a Persian name, actually.
Very nice to meet you, Mr Quinn.
He's enraging me.
Shut up Salim.
So, Mick, how long are you thinking about sticking around for? What's the matter? Eh? You not happy to see me or something? Nah, I'm over the moon.
But, I mean, the Old Bill, they're gonna come sniffing round for you, ain't they? How's Tia? Them Pikeys bring round her pony, did they? Yeah, thanks for that.
And tell Maria I'll send her one for her next birthday.
Two ponies - brilliant.
Like I say, the police are gonna come looking for you.
I need cash.
I nicked a car just to get here.
You're kidding.
Where you parked it? Car park.
What? What am I supposed to do? Fucking walk, you numpty? There's 300 quid there.
300? What am I supposed to do with 300 quid? I need ten large, at least.
Ten grand? I haven't got that kind of money.
Well, now, that leaves only one other option then dunnit? Kidnap! Kidnap? What? You got a better idea, have ya? Well, all I'm saying is we need to think about it With the correct amount of planning and precision, kidnap can be the most lucrative of ventures.
Yes! You see, now Yoda he understands.
Yeah? And who are you planning to kidnap? Frank Lampard.
He's what? What is he thinking? Well, he's not thinking, it's Mick, he's back out 10 minutes, he's already a nightmare.
Urg! He was always like this - so erratic, so random, so impulsive.
How did he look? Alright mate.
Look at you, you look gorgeous.
You made all your collections, everything alright? It's weird, man, everyone came down and paid me in the cafe before breakfast.
That's because Simon topped Big Fat Terry.
How'd you do him? How'd you do him? What does it matter how I did him? Fact of the matter is he's dead and we're three grand down.
Listen, Cockburn's back on the Manor right, he's looking for Mickey.
Mickey gave the Wiggler a proper fucking hiding this morning, broke his coccyx.
Oh, for fuck sake.
Where is your coccyx? Think it's the lower back I it was like in the neck Does it matter? Nah.
Make sure you get some rest, we've got a busy weekend, alright? Enjoy yourselves, yeah! Here we go.
Afternoon, DCI Cockburn Ah, look It's the great Gutsby! Look at the state of you, man, it's like somebody's shaved Pudsey the fucking bear.
If you've come as a cunt, you've won.
Tommy, can I get you a drink? Aye, I'll have a pint of milk.
What kind? Coo's.
Now, I imagine you know why I'm here.
Your old friend Mickey Quinn's decided he wants a wee break.
He wants to ignite our old game of cat and mouse.
Is nothing sacred? This is a man's funeral.
We've given him the front bar Muted Sky Sports.
Out of respect.
Or guilt.
Respect? Don't make me laugh.
Rumour has it you topped Big Fat Terry over a debt.
Did he owe you money? Everyone owes someone something.
Just who do you owe, Sunshine? I Shh.
Wheest.
I don't give a rat's dick about that fat ball bag - it's put him out of his misery as far as I'm concerned.
What the fuck are you looking at! So as you know, if Quinn raises his head, I'm gonna fire first and ask questions later - that goes for him or anybody with him.
You're pan bread, fatso.
Pleasure as always, Tommy.
Oh.
I'm sorry for your loss.
It was a beautiful service.
Yeah, it was good turn out considering.
Well, whatever else he was, he was your son and you do what you can for your kids.
I mean, my two, I'm not that keen on them as people but I love 'em.
My Terry was a useless, fat twat, but he had his moments.
He did one nice thing for me, he bought me a holiday, all inclusive to Corfu Free drinks except premium brands.
I mean, goodness knows how he afforded it - he never worked a day in his whole life.
Wanna DVD? Keira Knightly new one, pound? Where d'you get those DVDs, sweetheart? I've got Anal Academy 5, an'all.
How much? See, my silly sod of a husband lent your good-for-nothing son money - three grand to be exact.
Now, I know this is a hard time, but I'm gonna need that money back.
Alright, you old mug? Salim, what you doin' here? He's with me! Is he? I haven't got any money.
You've got an all-inclusive holiday to Corfu, Gracie.
I told you I'd do it.
You're joking.
You didn't.
Never doubt Mad Mickey Quinn.
Alright Frank?