Community Squad (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

["Alone Again (Naturally)"
by Gilbert O'Sullivan playing]
In a little while from now ♪
If I'm not feeling any less sour ♪
I promise myself to treat myself ♪
And visit a nearby tower ♪
And climbing to the top ♪
Will throw myself off ♪
In an effort to make it clear to ♪
Whoever wants to know
What it's like when you're shattered ♪
Left standing in the lurch ♪
At a church were people saying ♪
"My God, that's tough
She stood him up" ♪
No point in us remaining ♪
[song continues over car speakers]
[Paula] You've talked to
four mechanics already.
No, no. I'm just gonna see
one more mechanic
and then decide what to do.
It has a gas leak. It's dangerous.
We can't sell it like that.
But there's no
There's no rush or a deadline or anything.
- Okay.
- Don't worry, I'm taking care of it.
I'll pay the insurance, okay?
- I got it.
- [horn honks]
- [woman] Turn on your lights, asshole!
- [Paula] Feli?
- Felipe?
- [Felipe] Hold on.
- Okay. When will you bring me the car?
- [car bumps]
Hey! Feli, are you there?
- What's going on? Can you hear me?
- Oh.
Uh
Uh, uh, I'm gonna have
to talk to you later. Okay?
- No, wait, listen
- I-It's It's just
There was a a car crash
and I I gotta go help.
But when will you bring the car over?
[thud]
Great.
COMMUNITY SQUAD
[Miguel] I'm sure you'll have a great time
taking care of the city beach.
And even though I've been suspended
I love me some beaches! Yeah!
in spirit, because, no matter what,
I won't, you know
Change of plans.
Some traffic lights are out,
so we need you guys to work on that.
Alright, I see you've found
a place for the photo. Nice.
We have some news about Diego.
- Did you find out who shot him?
- No, no.
- Not yet.
- Ah.
- He's out of the coma?
- Negative, and, from what they said
Anyway, it's difficult to replace Diego.
But we're gonna try!
Piero!
Hi, everyone.
I'm Piero.
I'm so happy to be part of the team.
Uh, I didn't know Diego,
but I've heard he was a great guy.
And he'll be greatly missed, I'm sure.
Yes.
[applause]
Get to know each other!
[Mario] Welcome to the team.
Nice to meet you.
Thanks, gorgeous. You and I
are gonna work great together.
- Why?
- We both think walking is the worst.
[laughs] You're sassy, huh?
[Piero chuckles] You bet I am.
- Take a vest.
- Is that the only color?
- Can I have a bigger size?
- [Skinny] Yep.
- Hey.
- Huh?
- Don't go down there.
- Down where?
Man, Sofía.
Don't go down that road.
You surprised? Just because I can't see,
you doesn't mean I'm an idiot.
- You won't know what hit you.
- What do you mean?
She's been there, done that, man. Twice.
And only twice because of the wheelchair.
Right. [chuckles]
The wheels get her there faster, right?
No, you can't make those jokes.
I can, you can't.
Okay, okay. But, um, how do I know
which ones I can or can't make?
Stick to jokes in your wheelhouse.
Like Jew jokes.
Oh.
[straining]
Mmm, Kenzo.
- Huh?
- Your perfume.
Oh, it's Enzo. I got it from Betty.
- Good fake.
- Think so?
[Piero whistles]
- You think that's cute?
- [groans]
- [laughing]
- [Edgardo] Don't fuck with me, idiot.
Don't you think it's
kinda funny, you know,
that they replaced Diego
with another fat guy?
I mean someone who looks like him?
I guess.
I bet he'll be great here, though.
Oh. Yeah, I-I really like him too,
you know, I
I-I like him a lot, yeah.
- I like everyone here.
- Mmm.
Joni.
Diego.
- You I like you.
- You like me?
- Yeah, a lot.
- Mmm.
I feel like
we can really trust each other.
Like there's a connection
and I can talk to you about anything.
Of course you can.
I have something I wanted to ask.
Yeah? What's been on your mind?
Come on, man.
- It's a little embarrassing.
- Say it.
[chuckles]
Do you know how to look up
a license plate?
- What?
- I found this photo in Diego's phone.
Uh, I wanted to give a solid lead
to the police.
Maybe you and I
could investigate together?
'Cause I don't know what to do.
Well, I mean, Google exists, right?
Try, "How to track a plate?" on there.
Right. [clicks tongue]
- Hmm.
- You can Google anything these days.
HOW IS SEX WITH A PERSON IN A WHEELCHAIR
- You just type whatever and
- Ready?
- Let me see.
- Huh? No, wait
- [grunts] Let me.
- I, uh
- Ah.
- It's just that, uh
- Your phone's ringing.
- Oh.
It's Pauli.
PAULI MY LOVE
I'll call her later.
- So
- Hey, yo. [kisses]
Like Miguel says, right?
"Don't you guys feel like moving your ass
and getting to work?"
- Yeah.
- Are you coming?
- Yeah. We just wanted some water.
- Great.
[Esteban] Bernardo! Bernardo!
We're not going to the beach, okay? Hey!
Well
- [Esteban] Bernardo!
- I don't think Miguel has ever said that.
[intriguing music playing]
I say don't mix sex with work.
It's not good.
And I would know.
If you only knew what I did
in the maintenance closet.
Don't waste her time, okay?
The poor thing's lost both her legs.
She has both legs.
They don't work, but
she's got 'em, though.
The ones with Korean writing go in back.
- Complete the form.
- I'll sign.
- How are you?
- Okay, thanks.
CASATTA BROTHERS
Thanks.
[chuckles]
They're really good.
The Casatta products are here.
Tell Tacha to come by
and pick up the merch.
He's not gonna make it.
Let's just say I killed him.
Dogo, why don't you
You could take some time off, you know?
- Slow down a bit.
- Yeah? What do you mean by "time off"?
Don't waste either of our time.
If you don't need me, just say it.
That's not where I was going with that.
When you keep things to yourself,
they just blow up on you later.
- Dogo.
- Yeah.
[toy clanks]
[toy whirring]
And that guard, what do we do?
We can take care of that without Dogo.
I can be really scary.
I've been told that
I can be pretty intimidating.
Says who?
Yanina Goldstein, do you know her?
Isn't "giant baby" what she called you?
Mm-hmm.
[Piero] Here's one. What do you call
a dinosaur made of cheese?
- Gorgonzilla. [laughs]
- [Sofía laughs]
- [woman] Don't you see it's my turn?
- [Piero] Good.
Those are good.
- Take notes.
- [Piero] What they call that friend?
- What?
- They call him Gym.
- Why?
- 'Cause he's great, but so tiring.
[Sofía and Piero laugh]
- [Piero] I have one more.
- Is it like a fetish?
Mm?
Imagine her without the chair
and tell me if you still like her.
- [laughing]
- [Felipe] I don't know.
I met her with the chair.
I can't picture her without it.
Eh, that's a fetish.
Don't worry about it.
I'm also pretty kinky.
I'm not kinky.
Sorry it took us so long to get back,
but good news, we made a deal
with the man from the pizza place.
He told us whoever does the best today,
wins a dinner for two.
What do you think?
You'd better play to win, 'cause that guy?
[laughs]
He'll eat all of it. [laughs]
[makes gobbling noises]
Hey! That's not funny, okay?
- Fat shaming is no joke.
- [car horns honking]
- No, no, no.
- Mm.
- No.
- Definitely.
[Skinny] Let's get going.
Girls, come with me to the squad,
and you guys go deal with the traffic.
Can I go to the city beach
instead of that?
Yeah, no problem. You got it.
Don't do that shit.
- I didn't do anything.
- Come on.
- Let's go.
- Let's go. Let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.
- [car horns continue honking]
[Felipe] Shall we just go?
Don't second guess yourself.
Earn that dinner!
You could share it with someone.
Someone you like, you know what I mean?
- [tires screeching]
- Hey!
[Joni] You gotta pay attention, dude!
[driver] What's wrong with you?
Don't you know how to cross the street?
[Joni] Your documents.
Your driver's license.
- [cellphone chimes]
- [Vivian] You can blow better than that.
FELIPE
I FOUND THE WEBSITE FOR THE LICENSE PLATE
[Vivian] Now count to 100.
My God, shut up.
I told you to avoid the fickle guys,
didn't I?
What do you see in him?
The fact that he doesn't pity me is great.
Whatever you do,
don't fuck a guy from work.
It might be funny at first, but then
when he comes, he cries.
Alright!
[Skinny] Ugh, it's the worst.
It's much, much better
to go for the girls instead.
Is it, now?
I demand you give the app
a serious shot, you know?
It'll help you relax.
Yeah, but I don't think I need to relax.
[car pulling over]
If you don't move your ass in 5 minutes,
I'll key the fuck out of you!
[tires screeching]
Yeah. I'll try the app. I'll try the app.
You're clear, but just barely.
No! That's Miguel!
[Vivian] Capoeira!
[both laugh]
- I never expected to see him on an app.
- Right?
Cute.
Yeah.
- You got a bio?
- No
I've just got a picture up there.
Let me see. C'mon.
Okay.
What?
- I'm ugly, right?
- No.
I am, it's not a good photo, I know.
- You could take a better one.
- Okay.
Make it more revealing.
Ah, okay. Okay.
Can you just take it from the tits up,
and keep my eyes the main focus,
'cause 'cause that's my best feature.
Okay?
Ready.
- [Vivian] What is that supposed to be?
- Sexy.
Wanna do another? Here.
Girl, you gotta show the fucking chair.
You do.
No, I don't think I wanna do that.
Why do I even have to advertise it?
You will immediately dodge
jerks and idiots.
And besides, this is just who you are.
You don't need to hide it.
Mm, I don't think.
You've got perfect tits,
you're clearly independent, and come on,
you're wearing a uniform,
- Authority is hot.
- Authority is hot.
[man] Let me help.
- What are you do
- [phone chimes]
Got a match, Vivi!
Get it!
[Sofía] That's okay.
That was so nice of you. Thank you.
Yeah, hi.
I need a sign in your biggest size.
"Stay out of it or we'll kill you."
In all red letters.
Ariel No, no, no, no.
No, no name on it.
It can't just be anonymous?
Oh.
Okay, cancel it. No problem. Thanks.
[man 1] Go dance somewhere else
and let us move!
[funky music playing]
[blows whistle]
- [whistling continues]
- [man 2] What are you doing?
- [man 3] Come on! Move, jackass!
- [blows whistle]
- [woman 1] It's my turn, jerk!
- Okay. Okay, okay.
- Wait Hold on.
- [car horn honks]
[man 4] You fucking idiot!
- Go that way!
- [man 5] What are you doing?
- I't not going that way!
- Where are you trying to go?
- [man 5] I wanna go over there!
- Tell me where you're going.
[Felipe] Will you knock it off, man?
Gimme 40 seconds, dude.
Gimme at least that long to do my act.
Okay, okay.
[man 6] Why is this asshole
blocking the street?
- [man 7] Do your damn job, man!
- [phone rings]
Yeah?
[distorted high-pitched voice]
You're messing with the wrong crew.
Yeah, so you better get your nose
out of our business.
I'll tear your grandma to shreds
- and feed the pieces of her to the dogs.
- Huh?
- Say what?
- Come on!
[distorted low-pitched voice]
I'm gonna tear up your granny
and feed the dogs all the pieces.
- [Felipe] What?
- We're gonna destroy your whole family.
- What's wrong with you?
- And then I'll rape your father.
- Do you understand?
- Don't be so rude!
- [woman 2] Move!
- It looked exactly like a dinosaur, yeah.
- Hey, you're such a stupid asshole!
- Huh? Yeah.
Well, you're a son of a bitch, alright?
Uh
- [man grunts]
- Why don't you just settle down?
Chill out! I'm trying to
- [blows whistle]
- There he goes with that whistle again!
- Stop blocking the street, man!
- [man 8] Move it!
[whistle continues]
[car horns honking]
[laughter]
Alright, alright.
A policeman pulls over
a random guy one day, and he says,
"Drugs and Narcotics here."
The guy rolls down his window and says,
"I'm more of a wine and beer type of guy."
[all laugh]
- You're hilarious.
- [Piero] Wait, wait.
[Sofía] You're so good.
"Just in case," said the priest,
and bought a queen size bed.
[all laugh]
See? Sense of humor.
Always does the trick.
- [laughter]
- I can't tell you that one.
It's about the eyes. You got me?
No, I don't.
Joni told me about your fetish.
Let me give you a tip.
I'm telling you it works if you just say,
"I dreamed about you."
Why is it a fetish, you know?
Can't I just like her?
'Cause I'm I'm I can take my time here.
Dating a coworker is a big thing.
No.
Get her, tiger.
Hmm.
[Sofía] Wow, you really like beets, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, they're really good for, like
- In general.
- Yeah.
Oh.
For your system.
- What is it?
- Nothing.
Just, um Last night I dreamed of you.
- That's why I
- Yeah? You did?
- Was it sexual?
- Well, yeah. Kinda.
- A little.
- And? Go on.
On the bus.
- There was a thief.
- Mm.hm.
He was my dad.
I wrestled the gun away from him.
And everybody clapped.
And where did I factor in?
Well, uh, you were the bus driver.
You know?
You kinda
controlled everything.
Mm, why is that sexual?
There were a couple of dogs
in the back just
fucking like crazy.
- Yeah. It was a metaphor.
- [Esteban] No!
You hear that? Huh?
That's the sound of us
not covering for you.
[Skinny] What's the matter?
There's no dessert today? That's a shame.
- Move it.
- Move your asses, people. Alright?
Good, that's it.
- Go. Beat it.
- [Joni] Jesus.
Hey, Feli.
Do you know if she's seeing anyone?
I hate to admit it,
but the wheelchair turns me on.
- No idea.
- [Esteban] Why the long face?
- Okay.
- I don't know what
[pop music playing over radio]
[phone vibrates]
- Hey.
- Hey, Doguito. What are you doing today?
Hanging with the family.
You need me for something?
[Esteban] Hey.
What's going on?
What's the matter with you?
- I see you struggling, you know?
- I've dated Pauli for too long.
Pauli? What Pauli?
Why would I care about that?
- I meant directing traffic.
- Ah.
Don't listen to the haters, man.
You can't do that.
What you need to do is stop your ears.
[beeps, whistles, inhales]
- And take a breath. Okay?
- [whistle blowing]
Look at Bernardo, right?
- He turns a deaf ear to everybody.
- [man 1] Come on, idiot! Move it!
[man 2] Fucker!
- So, I should just ignore it?
- Exactly. Go, go, go!
[cars honking]
[woman] Come on, scumbag! Move!
- [sighs]
- [man] What the fuck are you doing?
- [blows whistle]
Can you wait a minute?
[funky music playing]
[whistles] Pedestrians!
You hear that? [whistles] Your turn!
- That's it! Go!
- Alright.
- [whistles]
- It's my job, man. Can't I just
Not right now, man. You gotta wait.
Okay. I get it, I get it.
Alright. [whistles]
Come this way.
Let's see who's the best agent now, huh?
We'll see who the best guard is!
[whistles]
Really great job, Piero.
He just got here,
and he's running circles around you.
Enjoy it.
Number one.
Hey, thanks. Great job, guys. And girls.
You all did great.
You did a great job.
- Yeah, I know.
- Out there in the
Heya, Sof. How does a threesome sound?
- You, me, Naples-style pizza?
- No, thanks. [chuckles]
You a fat-shamer now?
Don't be an ass.
- Hey, Skinny
- Sup?
How does a threesome sound?
- Us two, and a pizza?
- Come on. Stop!
I'm vegan, but the threesome sounds nice.
We could ask for some
of that potato cheese.
Have you ever had potato cheese
with handcuffs on, big boy?
- No, but I'm up for it.
- [Joni] We'll go to the city beach, right?
Not now, okay?
- Miguel! Can you take over?
- No, I'm just here to say hi.
- [Esteban] No, I insist.
- Hey!
- They're all yours.
- No, no, no.
Don't get too excited.
I'm not back officially.
I just dropped in to say hello
to my little birds.
How are my special ability birdies doing?
How's it going?
[Joni] Are we going to the beach?
So that company will take less than a week
to get us the plate data.
Hey, Mike.
Mike Mike
Let's say you're looking for a guy,
and you only have his plates.
What do you do?
Uh, okay, you gotta go into the Intranet.
Do you see the thing that says Sector Ten?
- Yeah.
- Click that.
You'll notice it asks for a code.
The code to use is "sex organ."
Which is
it's a dumb pun.
- [laughs]
- So, how was your day?
- Good.
- Lots of capoeira? Lots of Zen?
[Sofía] Okay.
Get some matches?
[Sofía] Let's see.
Sometimes I use the apps to try to, uh,
to do some research
into the, uh, sociology.
- Are you also doing some research?
- [Vivian] Ah.
- [Felipe] "Casatta Brothers." Thanks.
- [Sofía] Mm-hm.
You owe me one.
[phone rings]
My ex.
You know what?
PAULI MY LOVE
I should've changed her name
a long time ago.
How's the Pauli thing going now?
Now? It's, uh
- Not really anything anymore.
- Mm.
You on dating apps?
No, 'cause I already struggle enough
interacting with people I know.
Trying with strangers would be a problem.
It would, yeah.
- Better to stick to faces you know. Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
No.
No, no. No! Mm-mm.
Hey, wanna grab a drink?
Uh Oh, well Mm
I'm going on a date today.
- Oh.
- Mmm.
No, yeah. You know,
I just meant like we could
talk, um, go somewhere to, uh,
talk about the case?
If you felt like it, we could eat
and we could talk, so
Well, it's possible to cancel the date.
If you want to, then yeah.
'Cause it wouldn't be good
to let the investigation go cold.
Remind me of
exactly which investigation?
- Uh
- The one on your phone, right?
No, no. That was uh Uh
Which search are you Huh?
I saw your browsing history.
It's more interesting
than the Casatta thing.
If you're curious about sex
with a wheelchair user,
you can always ask me.
Okay.
Okay.
I gotta go look for a thing
that might be in the maintenance closet
[rock music playing]
[door opens]
[Betty] I'm coming, Bernardo!
Let me get it!
Ooh!
- So you go like that.
- Mm-hm.
And that's a way to detain a suspect.
[Sofía] Oh, yeah. Got it.
That's a good one.
- That's That's what I was told.
- Mm.
I just came to get this.
Okay.
Don't mind me, kids.
Is something on fire?
Keep going, keep going.
- No.
- Okay. Yeah.
[Felipe sighs]
Can I get your help going down this ramp?
It's steep as fuck.
Yeah.
- Come on. Hurry up!
- I do love me a good fire.
Wait, wait, wait. Gentle!
- Let's go!
- It doesn't go any further.
[Joni] Tell Bernardo
I can't stop the fire like this.
[Edgardo] I'm going inside
to tell him that.
What can you do with a hose this short?
Water the plants?
[fire crackling]
[somber music playing]
[Felipe] You gotta be kidding me.
[Mario] It's weird.
Was that overkill?
I just wish he'd been inside the car.
Ah, well, he got the message anyway.
- It had a gas leak.
- [Betty coughs]
- [hissing]
- [Betty groans]
[grunts]
Agh!
Son of a motherfucking bitch!
Goddammit, what the fuck!
Hey, way to go, Betty.
Don't worry. It just needs a new paint job
and some upholstery. That's all.
[explosion]
Well, this is why we have insurance,
you know?
I was a little behind on payments,
so I don't know what they'll
- No. You're outta luck.
- You don't think
- No, no.
- Okay.
["Alone Again (Naturally)"
by Gilbert O'Sullivan playing]
In a little while from now ♪
If I'm not feeling any less sour ♪
I promise myself to treat myself ♪
And visit a nearby tower ♪
And climbing to the top ♪
Will throw myself off ♪
In an effort to make it clear to ♪
Whoever wants to know
What it's like when you're shattered ♪
Left standing in the lurch ♪
At a church were people saying ♪
"My God, that's tough
She stood him up" ♪
No point in us remaining ♪
We may as well go home ♪
As I did on my own ♪
Alone again, naturally ♪
To think that only yesterday ♪
I was cheerful, bright and gay ♪
Looking forward to who wouldn't do ♪
The role I was about to play ♪
But as if to knock me down ♪
Reality came around ♪
And without so much as a mere touch ♪
Cut me into little pieces ♪
Leaving me to doubt ♪
Talk about, God in His mercy ♪
Oh, if He really does exist ♪
Why did He desert me ♪
In my hour of need ♪
I truly am indeed ♪
Alone again, naturally ♪
It seems to me that
There are more hearts ♪
Broken in the world ♪
That can't be mended ♪
Left unattended ♪
What do we do? ♪
What do we do? ♪