Corporate (2017) s01e04 Episode Script
Trademarq
1 Imagine a forest.
You're chopping wood, immersed in nature, removed from the oppressive modern world.
Pure, organic salt, sweat, and hops.
You reach for a brew, but you don't want a regular beer brewed by soulless machines.
You want something crafted by hand, because you're unique, different from other people.
Better.
You're a special man.
Imagine the heart and soul of a 1,000-year-old tree.
Imagine an apple that tastes like God.
Imagine the Patriot Act never existed.
Imagine true freedom.
Congrats.
You've now imagined Matt's Brew.
Imagine an eagle.
Because beer can be better.
So what'd you think? I think brewing your own beer is a sign of a lost person.
Jake, it's me inside this bottle, and I want you to taste me.
No, I don't like beer.
I don't like beer either, but this is craft brew.
You are acting like a frat guy.
Craft brew is a rebellion against frat culture.
No means no! No! [ECHOES.]
My brew [ROCK MUSIC.]
The infamous graffiti artist known as TradeMarq has struck again.
We may not know his identity, but we certainly know his work.
He's lambasted businesses and governments across the world with his satirical street art and subversive epigrams.
TradeMarq has been referred to as the faceless face of counterculture.
His latest target? Hampton DeVille.
Last night, TradeMarq tagged their Midwest corporate headquarters in solidarity with the protest over Hampton DeVille's controversial use of super fracking.
Super fracking pulls 15% more oil out of bedrock, while poisoning groundwater for 12 square miles.
This has prompted a fierce backlash.
[INDISTINCT CLAMORING.]
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
[INDISTINCT CLAMORING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[BABY CRIES.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[Bleep.]
Hampton DeVille! Can you believe TradeMarq tagged the building we work in? He was actually here.
He's my favorite artist.
So you're a part of the craft beer movement, and now you're telling me you think street art is cool.
Let me guess, you're also into vinyl.
Yeah, well, the sound is warmer.
Street art lost all its integrity years ago.
It got co-opted and commercialized, just like the presidency.
On my way into work today, a protester threw a mango smoothie at me.
Now, this 24-ounce smoothie was purchased from Smiley Juice, a quick-service health food retailer that happens to be a subsidiary of Hampton DeVille.
That protester may not have known it, but he's our customer.
I look out there, and do you know what I see? [WHISPERS.]
People I've muted on social media.
I see an untapped market.
Protesters are hypocrites.
Oh, they hate corporations, but they love buying the things that corporations make with their mommy's credit card.
And we are going to turn these anarchists into customers.
But first, I want to meet TradeMarq.
Oh, uh, with all due respect, Mr.
DeVille, TradeMarq is impossible to find.
Nobody has ever seen his actual face before, except for maybe his mom, but nobody knows who his mom is.
- Just find him.
- Got it.
Oh, in the meantime, get a Hampton DeVille food truck down there.
Idiots love food trucks.
This food truck is awesome.
They have Sriracha mayo.
[GROANS.]
I'd bathe in Sriracha mayo is I wasn't so afraid of what it would do to my privates.
How did people even survive before Sriracha mayo? - Sriracha mayo! - This line is ridiculous.
Can we please just go to Chili's? Jake, come on.
There's a real energy out here, okay? - We're a part of something.
- No, we are not.
These people have no idea what they're talking about.
They're protesting oil, but they drove their cars to get here, which run on oil.
Or they rode their bikes.
Bikes have gears.
Oil.
Their phones? Oil.
Their hair? Oil.
Oh, my God, is that Richard? What are you tools of the oppressors doing here? We're buying overrated, overpriced food cooked in a truck.
How are you? I read an Internet article on super fracking, and it's bad.
You people should be ashamed to work for Hampton DeVille.
I was, which is why I quit.
You were fired.
I did your exit interview.
I actually agree with you.
I don't like corporate stuff either.
That's why I started brewing my own beer.
Here, have one.
[DISTANT PROTESTORS CHANTING.]
No! [ECHOES.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[DISTANT DOGS BARKING.]
[SIGHS.]
I'm here to see TradeMarq.
He's expecting me.
You've vandalized my company, you've insulted me personally, and you've incited a protest against everything I stand for.
But I don't want to be your enemy.
You represent the counterculture.
What I bring to you today is a counteroffer to the counterculture, a partnership.
You design a line of anti-Hampton DeVille products, and we handle the manufacturing and distribution.
Huh.
Maybe.
Jill, what do you think? I think being anti-brand is really on-brand for you.
Hampton DeVille is particularly evil, and that works to our advantage.
Uh-huh.
Harold, any concerns? Honestly, I hear Kanye West recently signed a partnership with Monsanto, so I think we're living in a brave new world.
I don't imagine any backlash.
I spent the last decade sneaking around at night, climbing buildings, and evading cops, and can I be honest with you? I'm tired.
I think a more structured work environment might be good for me.
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING, CLAMORING.]
Get the Executive! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING, CLAMORING.]
[GRUNTS.]
No! No! No! No! Please! No! No! No! And that's what plays in my brain on a constant loop.
Super fracking is my baby, and they want to make my baby illegal.
If those protesters break in, I am going to come at them like one of those moms that lifts an entire car to save her kid.
Whenever those moms do that, I get so worried about their backs.
- Mm.
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Hey, do you guys know where the 2:00 p.
m.
pitch meeting is? [PROTESTERS CHANTING.]
So, anyway, she didn't want to try my brew.
And then we watched a documentary about the top ten genocides, and sat on opposite sides of the couch, and did not kiss.
It was the best date I've had in a really long time.
Well, it's good you're putting yourself out there.
[HUMMING.]
Oh, brews in the office.
Hell yeah.
Ah.
Hey, you're the guy from this beer.
- Ha.
- You're TradeMarq.
Allegedly.
- I mean, I'm wearing a mask.
- [CHUCKLES.]
We're all wearing masks in our own way, if you really think about it.
- Yeah.
- But, yeah, it's me, TradeMarq.
Hi, I'm Man Matt.
[CHUCKLES.]
I meant "Matt.
" Nobody's name's Man.
So you're a brewmaster? - That is tight.
- Yeah.
- I love hops.
- I-I love hops.
I mean, IPAs are sort of an acquired taste, but I've already acquired it, so that's kind of where I'm at right now.
Yeah, man, cool.
I'm designing a lot of anti-corporate products for Hampton DeVille, and today's my first day.
Would you mind showing me around the office? Yeah, uh, I'll show you anything you want.
Oh, great, lead the way.
It'd be honestly, it'd be a honor for me.
Real really cool to meet you, and you're a great person that I like.
Well, I definitely hate what just happened there.
He reminds me of every guy I dated before I had self-esteem.
All right, so we're liking the "Corporations Are Evil" coffee mugs and the "Stop Drilling" condoms.
And we're all onboard with the T-shirts that say - "[Bleep.]
Hampton DeVille"? - I love it.
[Bleep.]
my company.
Ooh, that'll sell like crazy.
TradeMarq is such a sellout.
I mean, I am too, but he's not me, so I hate him for it.
He's not a sellout.
The only way to beat the system is to turn the system against itself.
And we got Frisbees with my catchphrase, "The Only Way To Beat The System Is To Turn The System Against Itself.
" See? Your entire personality is stolen from a think piece.
Hey, what about glow sticks and sack hacky? Kate, amazing.
You know, in my art, I sometimes find it's the absolute worst ideas that make the most gigantic flowers.
I have an idea.
Uh, why don't we just turn this whole protest into Coachella? We could book some shitty bands, charge $8 for a bottle of water with TradeMarq's face on it, and hold a pillow down over the face of artistic integrity.
That just reminded me of something I've been wanting to bring up.
Craft brew.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know if you guys know this, but Matt here is a brewmaster.
Uh [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, uh, no.
I mean, it's just a hobby that sort of completely defines my identity.
Matt, why don't you tell everyone here about your brew? Oh, um okay.
Everybody close your eyes.
Imagine you're in a forest, and you're chopping wood.
You're chopping, and you're chopping.
You're chopping so hard.
And why can't you stop chopping? It seems like something that you could voluntarily turn on and off, but here you are just deforesting a natural habitat for animals that need these trees way more than you do.
And you feel at home in the forest.
And you never want to leave there, because that's where you make your brew.
It's like a tree, crafted like God would craft a tree, except you're a man making beer.
And what's God even have to do with any of this anyway? Get out of here, God.
What are you doing here right now? Go back to Heaven, where you belong.
- [GRUNTS.]
- You like what people like.
- [INTENSE SQUAWKING.]
- Oh, hi, bird.
- [GUNSHOT.]
- [INTENSE SQUAWK.]
Okay, pitch needs some work, but I got a gut feeling about this concept.
Let's get Matt's craft brew recipe down to R&D, and start marketing it to those protesters, huh? Matt, buddy, you killed it in there.
[SHARP EXHALE.]
Wow, this feels good.
For the first time in my life, somebody finally understands my passion.
Matt, TradeMarq doesn't care about you or your beer.
He's clearly using you.
Jake, TradeMarq and I understand each other, because unlike you, we're artists.
I'm gonna channel all of your negativity and doubt into my brew.
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
Stop calling it "brew.
" It is now the third week of Hampton DeVille protests, and they're showing no signs of slowing down.
In solidarity with this now nationwide movement, TradeMarq has released a line of anti-Hampton DeVille products that are selling as fast as you can s [Bleep.]
Hampton DeVille! TradeMarq for President! But also the government should be taken down! No more presidents! Hey Hey Ho Could I hang out with you and TradeMarq sometime? I'd really like to touch his mask.
A lot of people are trying to hang out with us right now, but, um, I'll see what I can do.
[EXCITED GASP.]
My boy.
Thanks for hanging out with me so much since Matt was seduced by the siren's call of a mediocre street artist.
No problem, but also I don't really have a choice.
You keep showing up wherever I am and talking to me about how you're mad.
Yeah, I feel like our friendship's really blossoming too.
And that's when I told Lady Gaga, "No, you text me.
" [ALL LAUGH.]
She texted me.
She did.
I've had enough.
The infatuation with this guy is unreasonable.
Nobody is that interesting.
- I'm gonna say something.
- Don't do it.
You don't have the social clout to face him.
- Jake! - I see how it works.
We all work side by side for years, then some fraud in a loser mask shows up, and suddenly he's everyone's best friend.
Greg, I'd expect this from you.
But Fred, Laura? I thought our friendship meant something.
Those aren't any of their names.
Face it, you're just a rip-off artist, and you probably wear that mask 'cause you have an ugly face.
[SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC.]
Actually, Jake, I wear the mask, because when I was 22, a child molester pushed my face into a campfire.
Nothing the doctors did could ever make my face a face again.
Is that you wanted to hear? [SOBBING.]
Wow.
Jake, I think you should leave.
Fine.
Come on, Grace, we're not wanted here.
Right behind you, Jake.
You are so brave.
I know, right? [CHUCKLES.]
Your feedback on this beer is essential, so please don't hold back.
On a scale of five to gross, how would you rank the darker beer? Oh, gross.
Who would make that? I like this one.
The other one tastes like a [Bleep.]
tree.
These people are philistines.
They all like the mass-produced garbage swill better than the hand-crafted master brew I fermented in my [Bleep.]
soul.
Totally, but quick question, can you make your beer taste more like the garbage swill - everyone likes better? - No, no, no, no, no, no.
We have to test this on brewmasters.
They'll agree with me.
Matty, you gotta remember, man.
You're not buying your beer.
These stupid cucks are.
So even though they're dumb, they're right.
Real art is giving people what they want.
Truth is, I focus test all my art.
But isn't that selling out? Think about that phrase.
"Selling out.
" Would you rather go to a concert that sells out, - or one that no one wants to see? - Hm.
A great album sells out.
A great movie sells out.
A great artist sells out.
But I thought my beer was good the way I am.
Matt, there's a lot of money at stake here.
All you have to do is make your beer taste worse so more people like it.
Do you wanna be a man? Or do you wanna be a brand? [SOFT PIANO MUSIC.]
Oh, my God, so yesterday, I forgot to tell you.
TradeMarq comes into the office, and he's wearing so much cologne, like too much.
So imagine smelling that while I tell you this story.
Hey.
I thought I'd find you here.
Oh, thank God.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick and not come back.
How's your beer? Oh, I I'm sorry.
How's your brew? [SIGHS.]
TradeMarq wants me to change it so that dumb people like it and everyone makes a ton of money.
I don't know what to do.
[SIGHS.]
There's something I have to show you.
Wait, we just got here.
You're just gonna leave without paying? - Is that what's happening? - [SIGHS.]
There's something I've been hiding from you, but it's time you knew.
Take a look.
- What is this? - It's my tag.
I used to be a major street artist, back when street art still meant something.
- You're Entrop? - It's Entro-P.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
That part of my life is over.
You spend years fighting corporations, and then finally you have to admit to yourself, you love Southwestern egg rolls.
Wow.
I'm sorry I said you weren't an artist.
This is technically art, if you wanna use a really broad definition of what art is.
Look, Matt, I'm in favor of selling out and making as much money as humanly possible, but if you're gonna sell out, you shouldn't do it because TradeMarq told you to.
You should do it for your own reasons.
Or for money and fame.
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
The news said there's three times as many as last week.
We have to stop feeding them.
[SCREAMING, CLAMORING.]
Yeah! [WALLOPS, SQUASHES.]
Yeah! And that's what I visualize when I meditate.
Huh.
Are you wearing a bulletproof vest? You want one? I think we can agree our partnership has been a success.
Your product line is pulling in millions nationwide, and we've completely distracted people from super fracking.
Okay, what is super fracking? Uh uh, don't worry about it.
Uh, but this protest, it it's growing out of control.
We need to find a way to contain it while sustaining profits.
I have an idea.
It's daring and original, but if the focus group agrees, I think it'll work.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Kate, John, I've been thinking all weekend about whether or not to change Matt's Brew, and I've finally come to an answer that's true to who I am.
Actually, we've moved past the Matt's Brew concept.
Uh, it turns out the whole self-made man is not tracking well with male millennials.
- Well, but - This is our new beer.
It's an energy beer.
We have certain friends at the FDA who are turning a blind eye so we can rush it to market.
We're gonna market test it at Protestfest.
What's Protestfest? - Oh - Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [PLAYFUL GRUNT.]
- Ooh! P-P-P-Protestfest.
The protest is now a pro-fest in Protestfest, a four-day music festival celebrating protesting.
Headliners include Kanye West, Rage Against the Machine, and LCD Soundsystem, playing their final show on Friday and their reunion show on Saturday.
Oh, my God.
This was my idea.
Oh, my God, I love your scarf.
This is my nightmare.
Oh, what up, sellouts? You here to oppress me? I'll take a TradeMarq Tango, please.
- That'll be $13.
99.
- Awesome.
Matt, Matt's mean friend.
What's up, my dudes? It's me, TradeMarq.
I keep the mask off in public, so people don't ask me for selfies.
I thought you were burnt.
Where are your face burns? I don't have face burns.
I focus grouped that backstory, and it killed it in the 18-49 demo.
Anyway, I gotta go DJ the Devour Mac and Cheese rave.
I thought you were a real artist, but now I know you're just a sellout.
I don't wanna be anything like you, except for your fame, wealth, power, and social status.
I actually agree with you.
Thing is, most people are so boring that if you just put on a mask or do anything slightly weird, they think you're a genius.
So that's what I did, and now I'm rich, and I love it.
I love it so much.
I sleep really well at night.
I got 13 hours of sleep last night.
I'm so jealous of you, it's insane.
Come on, Matt, let's get out of here.
[LIVELY TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh, shit, I thought we were going that way.
[Bleep.]
you.
I have a lot of sex too.
And I don't give a damn about a greenback a-dollar Spend it fast as I can For a whaling song and a good guitar The only things that I understand, poor boy The only things that I understand Super fracking was unanimously approved by Congress today, as advanced sales for next year's Protestfest were announced.
Outdoor music festivals are my life! Travel where you will and grow to be a man And sing what must be sung, poor boy Sing what must be sung Feels pretty good, huh? Yeah, you really are an artist.
- I'm sorry I underestimated you.
- Ah, it's okay, buddy.
Oh, shit, it's the cops! I was always so bad at not getting caught.
Spend it fast as I can For a whaling song and a good guitar The only things that I understand, poor boy This is technically art.
Most people would never call this art in a million years, but if you really wanna you know, it's hard to argue that this is not "art.
" Is it supposed to look bad?
You're chopping wood, immersed in nature, removed from the oppressive modern world.
Pure, organic salt, sweat, and hops.
You reach for a brew, but you don't want a regular beer brewed by soulless machines.
You want something crafted by hand, because you're unique, different from other people.
Better.
You're a special man.
Imagine the heart and soul of a 1,000-year-old tree.
Imagine an apple that tastes like God.
Imagine the Patriot Act never existed.
Imagine true freedom.
Congrats.
You've now imagined Matt's Brew.
Imagine an eagle.
Because beer can be better.
So what'd you think? I think brewing your own beer is a sign of a lost person.
Jake, it's me inside this bottle, and I want you to taste me.
No, I don't like beer.
I don't like beer either, but this is craft brew.
You are acting like a frat guy.
Craft brew is a rebellion against frat culture.
No means no! No! [ECHOES.]
My brew [ROCK MUSIC.]
The infamous graffiti artist known as TradeMarq has struck again.
We may not know his identity, but we certainly know his work.
He's lambasted businesses and governments across the world with his satirical street art and subversive epigrams.
TradeMarq has been referred to as the faceless face of counterculture.
His latest target? Hampton DeVille.
Last night, TradeMarq tagged their Midwest corporate headquarters in solidarity with the protest over Hampton DeVille's controversial use of super fracking.
Super fracking pulls 15% more oil out of bedrock, while poisoning groundwater for 12 square miles.
This has prompted a fierce backlash.
[INDISTINCT CLAMORING.]
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
[INDISTINCT CLAMORING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[BABY CRIES.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[Bleep.]
Hampton DeVille! Can you believe TradeMarq tagged the building we work in? He was actually here.
He's my favorite artist.
So you're a part of the craft beer movement, and now you're telling me you think street art is cool.
Let me guess, you're also into vinyl.
Yeah, well, the sound is warmer.
Street art lost all its integrity years ago.
It got co-opted and commercialized, just like the presidency.
On my way into work today, a protester threw a mango smoothie at me.
Now, this 24-ounce smoothie was purchased from Smiley Juice, a quick-service health food retailer that happens to be a subsidiary of Hampton DeVille.
That protester may not have known it, but he's our customer.
I look out there, and do you know what I see? [WHISPERS.]
People I've muted on social media.
I see an untapped market.
Protesters are hypocrites.
Oh, they hate corporations, but they love buying the things that corporations make with their mommy's credit card.
And we are going to turn these anarchists into customers.
But first, I want to meet TradeMarq.
Oh, uh, with all due respect, Mr.
DeVille, TradeMarq is impossible to find.
Nobody has ever seen his actual face before, except for maybe his mom, but nobody knows who his mom is.
- Just find him.
- Got it.
Oh, in the meantime, get a Hampton DeVille food truck down there.
Idiots love food trucks.
This food truck is awesome.
They have Sriracha mayo.
[GROANS.]
I'd bathe in Sriracha mayo is I wasn't so afraid of what it would do to my privates.
How did people even survive before Sriracha mayo? - Sriracha mayo! - This line is ridiculous.
Can we please just go to Chili's? Jake, come on.
There's a real energy out here, okay? - We're a part of something.
- No, we are not.
These people have no idea what they're talking about.
They're protesting oil, but they drove their cars to get here, which run on oil.
Or they rode their bikes.
Bikes have gears.
Oil.
Their phones? Oil.
Their hair? Oil.
Oh, my God, is that Richard? What are you tools of the oppressors doing here? We're buying overrated, overpriced food cooked in a truck.
How are you? I read an Internet article on super fracking, and it's bad.
You people should be ashamed to work for Hampton DeVille.
I was, which is why I quit.
You were fired.
I did your exit interview.
I actually agree with you.
I don't like corporate stuff either.
That's why I started brewing my own beer.
Here, have one.
[DISTANT PROTESTORS CHANTING.]
No! [ECHOES.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[DISTANT DOGS BARKING.]
[SIGHS.]
I'm here to see TradeMarq.
He's expecting me.
You've vandalized my company, you've insulted me personally, and you've incited a protest against everything I stand for.
But I don't want to be your enemy.
You represent the counterculture.
What I bring to you today is a counteroffer to the counterculture, a partnership.
You design a line of anti-Hampton DeVille products, and we handle the manufacturing and distribution.
Huh.
Maybe.
Jill, what do you think? I think being anti-brand is really on-brand for you.
Hampton DeVille is particularly evil, and that works to our advantage.
Uh-huh.
Harold, any concerns? Honestly, I hear Kanye West recently signed a partnership with Monsanto, so I think we're living in a brave new world.
I don't imagine any backlash.
I spent the last decade sneaking around at night, climbing buildings, and evading cops, and can I be honest with you? I'm tired.
I think a more structured work environment might be good for me.
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING, CLAMORING.]
Get the Executive! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING, CLAMORING.]
[GRUNTS.]
No! No! No! No! Please! No! No! No! And that's what plays in my brain on a constant loop.
Super fracking is my baby, and they want to make my baby illegal.
If those protesters break in, I am going to come at them like one of those moms that lifts an entire car to save her kid.
Whenever those moms do that, I get so worried about their backs.
- Mm.
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Hey, do you guys know where the 2:00 p.
m.
pitch meeting is? [PROTESTERS CHANTING.]
So, anyway, she didn't want to try my brew.
And then we watched a documentary about the top ten genocides, and sat on opposite sides of the couch, and did not kiss.
It was the best date I've had in a really long time.
Well, it's good you're putting yourself out there.
[HUMMING.]
Oh, brews in the office.
Hell yeah.
Ah.
Hey, you're the guy from this beer.
- Ha.
- You're TradeMarq.
Allegedly.
- I mean, I'm wearing a mask.
- [CHUCKLES.]
We're all wearing masks in our own way, if you really think about it.
- Yeah.
- But, yeah, it's me, TradeMarq.
Hi, I'm Man Matt.
[CHUCKLES.]
I meant "Matt.
" Nobody's name's Man.
So you're a brewmaster? - That is tight.
- Yeah.
- I love hops.
- I-I love hops.
I mean, IPAs are sort of an acquired taste, but I've already acquired it, so that's kind of where I'm at right now.
Yeah, man, cool.
I'm designing a lot of anti-corporate products for Hampton DeVille, and today's my first day.
Would you mind showing me around the office? Yeah, uh, I'll show you anything you want.
Oh, great, lead the way.
It'd be honestly, it'd be a honor for me.
Real really cool to meet you, and you're a great person that I like.
Well, I definitely hate what just happened there.
He reminds me of every guy I dated before I had self-esteem.
All right, so we're liking the "Corporations Are Evil" coffee mugs and the "Stop Drilling" condoms.
And we're all onboard with the T-shirts that say - "[Bleep.]
Hampton DeVille"? - I love it.
[Bleep.]
my company.
Ooh, that'll sell like crazy.
TradeMarq is such a sellout.
I mean, I am too, but he's not me, so I hate him for it.
He's not a sellout.
The only way to beat the system is to turn the system against itself.
And we got Frisbees with my catchphrase, "The Only Way To Beat The System Is To Turn The System Against Itself.
" See? Your entire personality is stolen from a think piece.
Hey, what about glow sticks and sack hacky? Kate, amazing.
You know, in my art, I sometimes find it's the absolute worst ideas that make the most gigantic flowers.
I have an idea.
Uh, why don't we just turn this whole protest into Coachella? We could book some shitty bands, charge $8 for a bottle of water with TradeMarq's face on it, and hold a pillow down over the face of artistic integrity.
That just reminded me of something I've been wanting to bring up.
Craft brew.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know if you guys know this, but Matt here is a brewmaster.
Uh [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, uh, no.
I mean, it's just a hobby that sort of completely defines my identity.
Matt, why don't you tell everyone here about your brew? Oh, um okay.
Everybody close your eyes.
Imagine you're in a forest, and you're chopping wood.
You're chopping, and you're chopping.
You're chopping so hard.
And why can't you stop chopping? It seems like something that you could voluntarily turn on and off, but here you are just deforesting a natural habitat for animals that need these trees way more than you do.
And you feel at home in the forest.
And you never want to leave there, because that's where you make your brew.
It's like a tree, crafted like God would craft a tree, except you're a man making beer.
And what's God even have to do with any of this anyway? Get out of here, God.
What are you doing here right now? Go back to Heaven, where you belong.
- [GRUNTS.]
- You like what people like.
- [INTENSE SQUAWKING.]
- Oh, hi, bird.
- [GUNSHOT.]
- [INTENSE SQUAWK.]
Okay, pitch needs some work, but I got a gut feeling about this concept.
Let's get Matt's craft brew recipe down to R&D, and start marketing it to those protesters, huh? Matt, buddy, you killed it in there.
[SHARP EXHALE.]
Wow, this feels good.
For the first time in my life, somebody finally understands my passion.
Matt, TradeMarq doesn't care about you or your beer.
He's clearly using you.
Jake, TradeMarq and I understand each other, because unlike you, we're artists.
I'm gonna channel all of your negativity and doubt into my brew.
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
Stop calling it "brew.
" It is now the third week of Hampton DeVille protests, and they're showing no signs of slowing down.
In solidarity with this now nationwide movement, TradeMarq has released a line of anti-Hampton DeVille products that are selling as fast as you can s [Bleep.]
Hampton DeVille! TradeMarq for President! But also the government should be taken down! No more presidents! Hey Hey Ho Could I hang out with you and TradeMarq sometime? I'd really like to touch his mask.
A lot of people are trying to hang out with us right now, but, um, I'll see what I can do.
[EXCITED GASP.]
My boy.
Thanks for hanging out with me so much since Matt was seduced by the siren's call of a mediocre street artist.
No problem, but also I don't really have a choice.
You keep showing up wherever I am and talking to me about how you're mad.
Yeah, I feel like our friendship's really blossoming too.
And that's when I told Lady Gaga, "No, you text me.
" [ALL LAUGH.]
She texted me.
She did.
I've had enough.
The infatuation with this guy is unreasonable.
Nobody is that interesting.
- I'm gonna say something.
- Don't do it.
You don't have the social clout to face him.
- Jake! - I see how it works.
We all work side by side for years, then some fraud in a loser mask shows up, and suddenly he's everyone's best friend.
Greg, I'd expect this from you.
But Fred, Laura? I thought our friendship meant something.
Those aren't any of their names.
Face it, you're just a rip-off artist, and you probably wear that mask 'cause you have an ugly face.
[SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC.]
Actually, Jake, I wear the mask, because when I was 22, a child molester pushed my face into a campfire.
Nothing the doctors did could ever make my face a face again.
Is that you wanted to hear? [SOBBING.]
Wow.
Jake, I think you should leave.
Fine.
Come on, Grace, we're not wanted here.
Right behind you, Jake.
You are so brave.
I know, right? [CHUCKLES.]
Your feedback on this beer is essential, so please don't hold back.
On a scale of five to gross, how would you rank the darker beer? Oh, gross.
Who would make that? I like this one.
The other one tastes like a [Bleep.]
tree.
These people are philistines.
They all like the mass-produced garbage swill better than the hand-crafted master brew I fermented in my [Bleep.]
soul.
Totally, but quick question, can you make your beer taste more like the garbage swill - everyone likes better? - No, no, no, no, no, no.
We have to test this on brewmasters.
They'll agree with me.
Matty, you gotta remember, man.
You're not buying your beer.
These stupid cucks are.
So even though they're dumb, they're right.
Real art is giving people what they want.
Truth is, I focus test all my art.
But isn't that selling out? Think about that phrase.
"Selling out.
" Would you rather go to a concert that sells out, - or one that no one wants to see? - Hm.
A great album sells out.
A great movie sells out.
A great artist sells out.
But I thought my beer was good the way I am.
Matt, there's a lot of money at stake here.
All you have to do is make your beer taste worse so more people like it.
Do you wanna be a man? Or do you wanna be a brand? [SOFT PIANO MUSIC.]
Oh, my God, so yesterday, I forgot to tell you.
TradeMarq comes into the office, and he's wearing so much cologne, like too much.
So imagine smelling that while I tell you this story.
Hey.
I thought I'd find you here.
Oh, thank God.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick and not come back.
How's your beer? Oh, I I'm sorry.
How's your brew? [SIGHS.]
TradeMarq wants me to change it so that dumb people like it and everyone makes a ton of money.
I don't know what to do.
[SIGHS.]
There's something I have to show you.
Wait, we just got here.
You're just gonna leave without paying? - Is that what's happening? - [SIGHS.]
There's something I've been hiding from you, but it's time you knew.
Take a look.
- What is this? - It's my tag.
I used to be a major street artist, back when street art still meant something.
- You're Entrop? - It's Entro-P.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
That part of my life is over.
You spend years fighting corporations, and then finally you have to admit to yourself, you love Southwestern egg rolls.
Wow.
I'm sorry I said you weren't an artist.
This is technically art, if you wanna use a really broad definition of what art is.
Look, Matt, I'm in favor of selling out and making as much money as humanly possible, but if you're gonna sell out, you shouldn't do it because TradeMarq told you to.
You should do it for your own reasons.
Or for money and fame.
[DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC.]
The news said there's three times as many as last week.
We have to stop feeding them.
[SCREAMING, CLAMORING.]
Yeah! [WALLOPS, SQUASHES.]
Yeah! And that's what I visualize when I meditate.
Huh.
Are you wearing a bulletproof vest? You want one? I think we can agree our partnership has been a success.
Your product line is pulling in millions nationwide, and we've completely distracted people from super fracking.
Okay, what is super fracking? Uh uh, don't worry about it.
Uh, but this protest, it it's growing out of control.
We need to find a way to contain it while sustaining profits.
I have an idea.
It's daring and original, but if the focus group agrees, I think it'll work.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Kate, John, I've been thinking all weekend about whether or not to change Matt's Brew, and I've finally come to an answer that's true to who I am.
Actually, we've moved past the Matt's Brew concept.
Uh, it turns out the whole self-made man is not tracking well with male millennials.
- Well, but - This is our new beer.
It's an energy beer.
We have certain friends at the FDA who are turning a blind eye so we can rush it to market.
We're gonna market test it at Protestfest.
What's Protestfest? - Oh - Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [PLAYFUL GRUNT.]
- Ooh! P-P-P-Protestfest.
The protest is now a pro-fest in Protestfest, a four-day music festival celebrating protesting.
Headliners include Kanye West, Rage Against the Machine, and LCD Soundsystem, playing their final show on Friday and their reunion show on Saturday.
Oh, my God.
This was my idea.
Oh, my God, I love your scarf.
This is my nightmare.
Oh, what up, sellouts? You here to oppress me? I'll take a TradeMarq Tango, please.
- That'll be $13.
99.
- Awesome.
Matt, Matt's mean friend.
What's up, my dudes? It's me, TradeMarq.
I keep the mask off in public, so people don't ask me for selfies.
I thought you were burnt.
Where are your face burns? I don't have face burns.
I focus grouped that backstory, and it killed it in the 18-49 demo.
Anyway, I gotta go DJ the Devour Mac and Cheese rave.
I thought you were a real artist, but now I know you're just a sellout.
I don't wanna be anything like you, except for your fame, wealth, power, and social status.
I actually agree with you.
Thing is, most people are so boring that if you just put on a mask or do anything slightly weird, they think you're a genius.
So that's what I did, and now I'm rich, and I love it.
I love it so much.
I sleep really well at night.
I got 13 hours of sleep last night.
I'm so jealous of you, it's insane.
Come on, Matt, let's get out of here.
[LIVELY TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh, shit, I thought we were going that way.
[Bleep.]
you.
I have a lot of sex too.
And I don't give a damn about a greenback a-dollar Spend it fast as I can For a whaling song and a good guitar The only things that I understand, poor boy The only things that I understand Super fracking was unanimously approved by Congress today, as advanced sales for next year's Protestfest were announced.
Outdoor music festivals are my life! Travel where you will and grow to be a man And sing what must be sung, poor boy Sing what must be sung Feels pretty good, huh? Yeah, you really are an artist.
- I'm sorry I underestimated you.
- Ah, it's okay, buddy.
Oh, shit, it's the cops! I was always so bad at not getting caught.
Spend it fast as I can For a whaling song and a good guitar The only things that I understand, poor boy This is technically art.
Most people would never call this art in a million years, but if you really wanna you know, it's hard to argue that this is not "art.
" Is it supposed to look bad?