Date My Dad (2017) s01e04 Episode Script
Appearances
1 [.]
Well? [wheezing.]
I grabbed them when Daddy wasn't looking.
It was a close call I'm drained.
Well, you better find a good hiding spot.
He'll be looking for them.
I don't think he's gonna like this.
The man needs a few updates.
We're providing a service.
[.]
He's coming! [dishes rattle.]
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Hi, Daddy! - Morning, Papi.
My favorite oldest child is looking lovely today.
And how's my favorite youngest daughter? I'm your only youngest daughter.
Really? And how Your favorite middle kid is making breakfast.
Try them.
Oh.
Oh, and we're out of coffee.
I-I'll grab some on the way to work.
Mm.
Mm! I want more.
Oh, wow.
- Is that rosemary in there? - It is.
- Mm.
- Dad you gotta unbutton that shirt, like, immediately.
It makes you look like an old man.
- Old man? - Mm-hmm.
There.
That looks better.
See? Relaxed.
I don't feel more relaxed.
Oh, hey, has anybody seen my sneakers? Daddy Why don't you wear your nice loafers instead today? Now, you know how ballplayers are superstitious.
I need my sneakers.
Uh [.]
How did these get in there? The maids were here.
Maybe they thought your shoes could use a scrub.
In the dishwasher? Right.
Right.
Look, girls.
I like them.
I-I'm wearing them.
I'm sorry I'm not the fashionplate you want me to be.
You and the phrase "fashionplate" don't go together.
I have my own style.
That wasn't a question, Papi.
[.]
What are you looking at? "Time to retire the Dad-mobile.
" [chuckles.]
I'm doomed.
Aah, aah, aah Can I get a witness? Wow! I'm feelin' all right Just like I should should, should Best day of my life It feels so good good, good I'd bottle up this feeling if I could Oh yeah! - Hey! - Hey.
What's with the note? There was a time when the girls thought I could do no wrong.
Mm-hmm, and now that's all just a distant memory, huh? Yeah, they think I dress like an old guy and they want me to stop driving the "Dad-car.
" Well, I I was gonna say something.
Were you, Todd? Little bit, it's just that I feel like we need to work on your image.
I see I see.
Listen, I know it's tough, but you said it yourself you're no longer hot.
Okay? But this minivan, it kind of reinforces that point, brings it on home, if you will.
You need to be hot again, okay? And that sportscar of yours that never runs, and this, well well, uh, this kind of speaks for itself.
It's time to get some new wheels.
And that's of no use to me, because I even can't drive a stick.
Well, that's no good.
A man should know how to drive a stick, Todd.
I'm ashamed, all right? But let's bring this back to you.
This has to go, bro.
I like the minivan.
You know, it's got heated seats, the girls can watch movies, you know? The back window has that, you know, cute little wiper.
Do you even hear yourself? Because what I'm hearing The part about the warm seats, and the cute little wiper It's not sexy, Ricky.
- Middle-aged Dad-car? - Pretty much.
You know what this is about? The girls want to make me more dateable, which is vaguely insulting.
They don't think a woman would want to ride in this car.
Well, they'd be right.
Yeah, maybe I'm not interested in dating a woman who's so concerned with the kind of car I drive.
That's not the point.
The point is your girls.
They're being really sweet here, man.
They're looking out for you.
Yeah, it is pretty cute, isn't it? It is insanely cute, Ricardo.
Why don't you humor them? Get yourself a new, worthy car, a car that says, "I'm Ricky Cooper", "and I don't care about heated seats and cute little wipers.
" You're funny.
Maybe I like me just as I am.
Oh.
You had me at "Hello".
Mirabel making you watch romantic comedies again? Yeah, they're sick of watching Field of Dreams.
How could that be? I don't know.
So what are your suggestions? What kind of car do you think I should get? What about a Maserati sedan with tinted windows? Or a Porsche Panamera with racing suspension and silver wheels? Yeah, what about a Lamborghini? - I love that! - I'm kidding.
Right Well, uh have a splendid day.
Yeesh.
- [dog barking.]
- Get off of there! [thud.]
- Oh - I got it.
Outliers.
That's, uh one of my favorites.
Nice.
Do you ascribe to the "10,000-Hour Rule"? Well, I definitely think that if a person devotes 10,000 hours to any skill, they can become an expert.
Except me and ice-dancing, maybe.
And me and polo.
It's a horse thing.
[chuckles.]
I do think there are exceptions, though.
Renaissance artists, for instance.
I don't think you can learn to paint The Sistine Chapel.
That's a gift.
Right.
I'll just get a grande soy, sugar-free, hazelnut latte.
Two extra pumps, cinnamon-topped, no foam, vanilla twist, thanks.
[hushed.]
: I hate him.
I'm with you.
Thanks.
Ricky! Alan.
Hey.
Not a good time.
No.
Go.
Right.
Yeah.
Seeya.
Seeya.
Hi.
I'll have a large coffee with room.
And I'll have the same.
You're Ricky Cooper, aren't you? From the Angels? I thought I recognized you.
You're a baseball fan? Actually, it was from the commercials you did, for that sports drink you endorsed? Oh, no.
No, those were embarrassing.
Or "completely cheesy," as my kids like to say.
Yeah, they tease me a lot.
I didn't think they were that bad.
Aw, that's very kind.
Or you have no taste at all.
Ah.
Keep the change.
It was nice to meet you.
Nicole.
Enjoy the book.
Thanks.
Yeah! - Hey, Boss.
- Alan.
- You wanna walk to work together? - Nope.
Aw, come on.
I'm counting steps.
No, I don't want to count steps.
I think counting steps is weird.
Oh, no, no, I live for it.
Okay? I got an idea Let's do a competition, okay? We'll check in with each other.
Whoever wins the competition Alan.
Alan As you see by my untouched beverage, I have yet to have my coffee.
New rule No talking before I have my coffee.
Okay.
I just thought maybe you might want to - No.
- All right.
Okay.
I will see you back at work then.
I'm steppin'! Take care! - Seeya! - Seeya.
[exhales deeply.]
[school bell rings.]
And then Liam texted a picture of us.
He's just so cute sometimes.
Mirabel! Wait up! Uh save me a seat in class.
I wanted to talk to you about our science project.
- "Our"? - Yeah, you're my partner.
[scoffs.]
Uh, you must be mistaken, Garvin.
It's "Gavin.
" Anyway whatever.
I guess you didn't see the assignment list.
Mr.
Fingston paired us together.
Oh Seriously? [background chatter.]
How about we talk over here? Okay.
I'm hoping we can put our heads together and can come up with a really good topic and get an "A".
It's gonna be a lot of work.
Although, there will be Here's what I need to know.
What's the least amount of work we can possibly spend on this? I have a busy social life and, hello, these nails don't paint themselves.
Um, I don't know, exactly, but we can start tomorrow in the courtyard.
Or how about somewhere a lot less public? Oh you mean less noisy.
Okay.
Exactly.
I'll text you.
Wait.
You don't have my number! [exhales deeply.]
[door bangs.]
Yeah! I'm up! Oh it's just you.
Is this lying on my couch becoming a thing? Because I'm not sure I'm into it.
Sorry.
I was here late, and I had to be here early to teach yoga.
And it's cozy in here.
I'm glad you like it.
Look, look, Steph, if you're over-scheduled, I can hire more manpower.
Actually, you can't.
Remember what we talked about at my job interview? Um, I believe I inquired about your sketchy past employers.
Yeah, I asked you if this was for real, or some vanity enterprise for a bored ex-athlete.
And, in retrospect, that was kind of rude.
Well, I needed job security, and you reassured me that this was a money-making business, not just a hobby.
- Your point? - We're bordering on "hobby.
" Your name isn't enough to get people through the door anymore.
You're not the celebrity you once were.
Hoo! Ouch.
Oh, don't pout.
You're a still minor celebrity.
To some people.
Well, I'll bankroll the gym if I need to, but this sucks! I mean, we need to think of something.
I have an idea.
But, meanwhile, the bikes need a wipe-down.
There's some administrative paperwork that needs to be handled, and Alan's not here yet, so replacing the urinal cakes is all you, boss.
I just ran into him at the coffee place.
It's two blocks away.
What is he, lost? Who knows.
He's probably counting steps.
The point is, bikes, wipe-down.
You know.
Aw.
My life was so glamorous you know.
I used to fly on the team jet, people wanted my autograph, and now urinal cakes.
It happens.
Have fun.
Oh, yeah.
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Aunt Jackie.
How's it going? [sighs.]
Could be better.
Oh, what's going on? My science teacher has ruined my existence.
Oh, and what terrible injustice did they inflict upon you? That is the word.
"Terrible injustice.
" That's perfect.
So? - Want one? - I'm good.
So? [sighs.]
So I have to do a science project with Gavin Gilman.
I couldn't have been paired up with one of my 10 best friends? Or with Liam? Maybe your teacher thought it might be a distraction.
10 best friends? [Squeals.]
[both chuckling.]
They're all so awesome.
I'm sure they are.
Now, tell me about Gavin.
He's just a boy in class that raises his hand a lot with all the answers.
Hmm.
Gavin.
Let's just say his fashion sense leaves a great deal to be desired.
Hmm.
Poor Gavin.
Poor Gavin? Poor me! Give him a chance, Mirabel.
You know? It's got to be tough being Gavin.
It's tough being me.
I have to do a project with him.
What are you doing here? Gigi asked to borrow back-issues of Smithsonian Magazine.
I don't know what that means.
Give yourself some credit, Mira.
You're a smart girl.
I'm a lot of things but I don't think smart is one of them.
You're wrong.
I'm older.
I know better.
Plus I have some really good shoes.
[both laughing.]
Oh, you do, and a killer color palette.
I love the blouse.
Oh, thank you.
I look up to you.
I mean, not with the whole doctor thing, but fashion-wise, you're my idol.
Wow.
I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Thank you.
- [text chimes.]
- You're welcome.
The dreaded Gavin.
He wants to meet tomorrow.
Be nice.
Be patient.
We can't all be you.
That's true.
[both laughing.]
Okay, we'll see you tomorrow night.
Uncle Bill and I are coming for dinner.
Okay? [text chimes.]
Be nice! I'll try.
[Gavin.]
: The assignment says to "examine the chemical composition" "of everyday products," and, in short Yes, please, as short as possible.
Do a presentation on one of the items and its components.
So I came up with this list uh, laundry detergent, dish soap, gasoline, but - [text chimes.]
- It's all obvious stuff That everyone's gonna pick, and we definitely do not want to pick the same thing as everyone else.
Because that would be tragic.
I know.
I want to get the best mark in class.
[keyboard clicking.]
What kind of things do you use? Products? Used every day? [sighs.]
Toothpaste, moisturizer, makeup I know there's lots of chemicals in makeup.
I read labels before I put anything on my skin.
Makeup? Like Like what, specifically? The usual stuff.
Mascara tinted base concealer, powder blush, eye shadow, lipstick, lip liner, lip gloss.
If I'm transitioning from day to night, glitter gloss maybe eyeliner.
Mirabel, this is This is a really great idea.
Uh, it is? Yeah, it's way better than the dumb CFL bulb idea I was gonna suggest, though.
Look at all the junk in here! Uh, silica, mica, titanium dioxide That's a white pigment you see in a lot of cosmetics Zinc, for the sunscreen properties.
This is great.
I mean, Christy and Malcolm won't come up with anything this good.
- Who? - They're the ones to beat.
They're in our class.
Yeah, still nothing.
They sit in front of you.
No idea.
Mirabel, this is a really great idea.
I mean, you're really smart.
Uh, so could you repeat that, so I could record it and play it for my sisters? Smart and funny, too.
Let's not forget good-looking.
Certainly not.
So, what do we do next? I mean, I shouldn't be making all the decisions.
It's your project, too.
Maybe make a spreadsheet, note which mineral ingredients are naturally occurring chemical compounds and indicate their molecular formula using symbols from the periodic table? I was thinking the same thing.
[.]
[TV playing.]
The lions must hunt and find food soon or they will die.
- Hey.
- Hi, Papi.
I'm sorry I missed dinner.
I had more work today than I expected.
You're here now.
Come snuggle with us.
Ahh.
Ooh.
Ah! Come here.
There's pizza left, if you want some.
Oh, in a minute.
Right now, I am in Dad Heaven.
You want to hear what happened? Depends.
If it involves your pro-ball days, maybe not so much.
Ah, it does and it doesn't.
When I stopped for a coffee today, I was talking to this woman in line And you got her phone number? - You made a date? - Was there any chemistry? Wait, wait.
No.
Hold on.
What do you know about chemistry? I've read about pheromones and their role as a mating cue.
Now tell us what happened.
Well, t-this woman, Nicole, um, she recognized me from that old ad campaign.
No wonder you didn't get a date.
Excuse me.
Play hard! Drink up! And feel great.
Like me! My turn! Meta Support will keep you going and keep you focused.
[in unison, boldly.]
: Pull up to the power! [chuckles You want to get in on this? As a matter of fact, I do.
Hi! I'm Ricky Cooper, and when I play ball I play ball.
After a game, or a workout, when I need to pull up to the power, I pull up to the power of Meta Support.
Nutritious, delicious, full of vitamins and minerals, Meta Support will keep you going and keep you focused.
On the ball, on the workout [all chuckling and sighing.]
All right, all right.
It is hilarious.
What'd you like about this woman? I mean, before she shut you down? No, she didn't shut me down.
I well, it didn't occur to me to ask her out.
Seriously? Dude you got to get some game.
Yeah.
I am wholly without game.
Well, if it's meant to be, maybe you'll run into her again.
Mm.
Perhaps, by then, I will have acquired some game.
One can only hope.
[Ricky chuckles.]
Possible to drink up, play hard, and feel great like me! Meta Support it rocks! Okay.
Uh, Gigi, we can turn this off now.
- It's on loop.
- Nope.
Really? It's going all night.
I'll have a venti mocha frap with a pump of caramel, chocolate drizzle, and sprinkles.
Hold the coffee.
Things went well, I assume? Like a charm.
Here's more details about Dad.
Likes, dislikes, and food allergies.
Consider me your own personal Cyrano.
Thanks.
Let's get a table.
Ooh, is that a hazelnut latte? [exhales, exasperated.]
What chapter are you on? I'm just skipping around, finding the juicy parts.
There are juicy parts? I gotta reread that.
Only if you tell me how a young pitcher from a farm team manages a no-hitter his first season.
Ah! You do know a little bit about baseball.
Well, yeah, that was a long time ago.
You know you want to.
I kinda do.
Yeah.
So Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was this young, strapping pitcher named Ricky Cooper.
[background chatter.]
Hey! Good morning.
You know, I was thinking, I put on my moisturizer this morning, and I thought, there should be a website that lists the different ingredients in different products, which might not be compatible with other ingredients in other products, and cross-references them.
Sounds like a great idea.
Public service, really.
Mm.
Thank you.
Well, see you, Gavin.
Sure, I'd enjoy doing some coaching, But the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet.
Think you could teach 'em "Tricky Ricky's" famous "splitter ball"? Ho! Of course.
[phone alert chimes.]
Oh! Eddie Vedder tickets go on sale Friday.
I've seen him three times.
Hey, would you, um want to have coffee with me sometime? Oh, we just had two.
Right.
Right.
I, uh, I have no game.
I meant "officially," uh, with a meal that is consumed in a restaurant.
Wow, I'm bad at this.
It's okay.
Awkward looks good on you.
It's part of your charm.
Like those lucky sneakers.
I-I told you about these? - Yeah.
- Oh.
Here's my number.
[.]
Okay, here we come! Grilled vegetables, hot off the grill.
And barbecued chicken, coming through.
Excuse me.
- Here you go - Thank you.
This looks amazing.
And carb-free.
Mirabel, I am a pediatrician, and I'm here to tell you that carbs are good for kids.
Carbs are your friends! Mm-hmm.
Have some carbs.
Okay.
How is the project going with dreaded Gavin the Geek? Really? I can say it! I was a geek.
Ooh! Huge! [laughing.]
Actually, I think it's pretty hot.
What? I do! Geeky hot-doctor wife.
Wow! [chuckling.]
Awkward.
It was actually okay.
He turned out to be kinda nice.
I can't believe you're doing a project and didn't ask me for help.
I feel so slighted.
Simmer down, little one.
We got this.
Oh, I remember back in school when I got paired up with a brainiac kid, it turned out to be great.
Definitely made things easier.
Yeah, maybe for you.
Um, I'm the one who came up with the topic.
Some really cool science-y stuff, actually.
- Ooh - Here's a tip On your college app, don't say "science-y.
" And stay clear of "math-tastic.
" I think that's really cool.
I'd love to hear more about your project.
Sure.
As a doctor, I'm sure you're interested to hear the chemical properties in everyday products.
- Enough, Gigi.
- Hello! She said "chemical properties.
" It was kinda a pivotal moment.
Wow! Tough crowd! Mm-hmm.
And did you have a nice day, Daddy? Anything, uh, interesting happen? Uh, as a matter of fact, yes.
I, uh, I ran into Nicole again.
A woman he met.
She remembered his ads for the sports drink.
Oh! Mm.
And she actually talked to you? Impressive.
You are a funny man, Billy.
- I'm here all week.
- That, he is.
Ah, it turns out, we have a lot in common.
She likes Clint Eastwood, Kung Pao chicken, Eddie Vedder.
But, um she doesn't like kids, dogs, or dolphins.
Especially baby dolphins.
But she does have a college degree.
In Forensic Podiatry, which I didn't even know was a thing, but she can't find a job.
That's not true! She's a bookkeeper! With two poodles! [.]
[sighs.]
Whoops.
What did you do? Okay, um things are getting very devious in this house.
And I love it.
Come on, spill more.
Is she going to get in trouble right now? - 'Cause that would be excellent.
- Yeah.
No, she isn't.
Gigi, you and I will talk later.
Oh, what? Come Richard, that is so unfair! I need to know the end of this story.
Spill it, kid.
Bill, seriously? I'm with you, Uncle Bill.
Let's dig in.
Come on.
Everybody eat.
How, exactly, did you recruit Nicole to be my girlfriend? She applied for the position.
On your birthday, when we took applications, her qualifications were solid, and she followed up.
I liked her initiative.
[chuckles.]
So you, uh gave her some details about me and then coached her on what to say? I wanted you to like her.
I did! But I liked who she was pretending to be.
But she really does love baseball! It was on her statement of interest.
[astonished chuckle.]
Oh it's, it's, it's okay.
It's over, but just no more meddling.
Go.
Go get your PJs on.
[laughs.]
Good night, honey.
Thank you.
'Kay, see you soon.
Sleep tight.
Mwah! We're going to head out.
Thank you for dinner.
Of course! Of course.
That was delicious.
Thanks, bro.
It's all about the sauce! Poblano, baby.
[all chuckling.]
Listen, um I think you might have hurt Mirabel's feelings earlier.
How? What are you talking about? She was talking about her homework, and I thought you could've acted a little bit more interested.
Paid her a compliment.
But I compliment Mirabel all the time.
On the right things? Oh right.
I get it.
Wait, all right? What are you guys referring to? She should know you support and love her for all of her merits, not just her beauty.
Look, Mirabel needs to know that you think she's smart, little brother.
She is smart! I mean, a lot smarter than she's given credit for.
Right, because she's so beautiful.
Exactly.
Ahh you're right.
You're right.
I-I need to, uh pay more attention to that.
You're doing great.
I just wanted to point it out, because she said something to me earlier that made me realize that she genuinely doesn't believe that she's smart and that sucks.
I-I-I don't get it.
That girl has everything going for her.
- Mm-hmm.
- She sure does.
"O, was the power, "the gift to give us to see ourselves as others see us.
" What? I wish she could see herself the way we see her.
Oh, really? Come on! I have two advanced degrees, people.
Robert Burns? Classic! Once in a while, after all these years, you surprise me and remind me why I love you.
Come here.
- I'm goin' in.
I'm goin' in! - Mwah.
What she said, without the lippy-lippy.
Okay.
- [text alert chimes.]
- Oh! Derek Jeter? I haven't heard from him in a while.
I love that guy.
What'd he say? No What's the matter? "Stay away from 'Psycho Nicole'.
" Wow.
Ho [Ricky.]
: Nicole is a baseball groupie.
Ah, look.
There's Danny Barnes.
And, uh ha! Jesse Chavez.
She stalks baseball players! I don't understand I vetted her.
I'm guessing she didn't tell you her Twitter name is "NikiHeartsplayers".
I dodged a bullet with this one.
So, she only wanted to date Daddy because he's famous? He's not so famous.
Okay.
You're still famous to baseball stalkers.
They're called "cleat-chasers".
Ah, here's the one that Jeter saw posted.
[click.]
- Aw - Ooh.
Not your best angle.
The old stealthy-selfie.
Impressive yet incredibly creepy.
Can you say "psycho"? I'll deal with it but, yes, I can say psycho.
You've got to learn to take social cues, Daddy.
If anyone seems too perfect, they are.
I am not.
[all chuckling.]
[knocks.]
- Say "thank you".
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
I built us a kick-ass new website.
People can register for classes online, read about you, and me, and God help us, Alan.
I put advertisements on other sites, we're getting new machines, and that is just the beginning.
You are amazing.
I am.
But you can look at it later.
I need to talk to you.
Okay.
I heard about your run-in - with the cleat-chaser.
- Oh, God Yeah, the girls called me.
They thought you could use some cheering up.
So, you were fooled by whack-job baseball-fanatic chick? What're you gonna do? Well, she didn't seem like a whack-job.
You know, she seemed normal.
Nice.
Maybe knew my stats a little too well.
What is What is What is with people? Well, it's like my grandfather Roland used to say "People problems.
" - Roland is right.
- He made a mean julep.
- Oh, I would like Roland! - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, this dating is a, uh it's a tricky business.
Yeah, I am well aware of that.
And I am not getting off to a good start.
I've been at it for a decade and I suck.
Oh, that's awful.
A decade? Yeah, I once had a guy pick me up in his mom's sedan, and his mom was driving.
Wait, you don't mean did she go on the date with you? Yeah, apparently, they were very close, and we split the check three ways.
- Wow! - And another guy sold pressure-sensitive adhesives, and that is all he talked about.
It took me two ibuprofen and three Margaritas to get through that evening.
And then there's the story about the mime, and I will save that for another time.
I hate mimes.
Everybody hates mimes.
Hey, uh, Stephanie.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
[knocking.]
Hey! - Hello.
- Come in.
Make yourself at home.
Okay.
So, I was thinking about our presentation/project/ spreadsheet thingie.
The symbols from the periodic table, uh-huh.
And one word kept coming to mind "Dull.
" Uh, I hear that a lot.
[chuckles.]
I didn't mean you, silly.
I like you.
You're nice, and not dull.
[laughs.]
I'm so happy.
[laughs.]
So, here's what I was thinking.
Mr.
Fingston didn't just say do a report.
He said "A presentation.
" Well, presentation happens to be something I'm an expert in.
As you can see.
I can, I do, and you are.
[both chuckling.]
So what'd you have in mind? Visual aids.
We'll start out with a neutral base add some pops of color, then organize them in attractive vertical columns.
Substance and aesthetics.
Cool.
Here's the best part.
We'll also offer an interactive experience.
Zinc oxide anyone can try.
I'll never wash it off.
Oh, please do.
You look kinda goofy that way.
- Here.
- Thanks.
I'm so lucky to have you as a partner, Mirabela.
You're so incredibly innovative and smart.
Thank you.
Beginning to think so, too.
Well, you wanted to beat Christy and Malcolm, right? Mm-hmm.
Oh and, on the day of the presentation, you gotta untuck that shirt.
This whole "nerdy-professor look" needs to be a tad more casual.
Got it.
Keep your style.
It's important to your charm.
- I have charm? - Yes, Gavin.
Stop talking about yourself so much.
Let's get to work.
[.]
[awkward chuckling.]
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
[engine shuts down.]
[car door shuts.]
Ah, that was your science partner, I'm guessing? Yeah.
How'd it go today? I think we had a breakthrough.
Our report is on chemicals and stuff, and we've totally turned our presentation into something "wow-tastic".
Well, that's great, honey.
I love seeing you committed to your schoolwork, and so interested in the sciences.
Uh, don't get carried away, old man.
You know we're only doing this because the teacher's making us, right? Oh, of course.
Who does recreational science? But, that being said, um, it seems like you're enjoying it.
Can I tell you something, Dad? Of course.
You can tell me anything.
Gavin makes me feel like I'm more than I am.
He's the first boy who's ever treated me like I'm smart, and not just pretty.
You are so smart, Mirabel.
Now, maybe I don't say it enough, but I think you are a very smart young woman.
Well, Gigi thinks I'm dumb.
Gigi thinks Stephen Hawking is dumb.
[both chuckling.]
She likes teasing you, but she looks up to you.
And so does Elisa, and so do I.
- You do? - Yeah! Yeah, you're kind and funny and loyal.
You look out your sisters.
There are a lot of wonderful qualities going on behind that gorgeous face of yours.
Well, I'm not complaining that the other kids think I'm pretty, though.
I like that, too.
Nah, there's nothing wrong with getting that kind of attention.
You know, I know a little bit about that myself.
Yes, Daddy.
You were a big baseball star.
Yeah, yeah, I loved meeting fans, signing autographs.
But, at the end of the day, you want people to love you for who you really are.
Yeah.
You're a really great guy, Dad.
- Aww.
- I mean but we still have some things to work on, but all in all, you're pretty awesome.
Thanks.
You know, I hope you have more friends like Gavin, who, uh, appreciate that there are other sides to you.
Me too.
And to think, that just a week ago, I didn't want anyone to see me talking to him.
Yeah, that's not very nice.
I know.
I gotta remedy that, stat.
Come on.
[exhales contentedly.]
[throat clears.]
Ahem! Oh! Hi.
I was so happy I got your call.
You're about to be less happy.
I know about you and Gigi conspiring.
Well, I think she was just trying to help.
She just wants us to get to know one another.
But you already know so many people.
Felix Hernandez, Mike Trout.
Oh! Uh, and Jeter says hi, by the way.
What can I say? I love the game.
I think you love more than the game.
Listen, um, I get my photo taken with celebrity athletes, and I collect memorabilia.
It's, uh, it's just a hobby.
Yeah, a creepy one at that.
But I like you.
And when your daughters put out that APB that you needed a girlfriend, I just, uh, I took it as a chance to meet you.
And so you have.
I'm gonna call this.
Okay, fine.
But can I get a favor from you? Wow, you are pushing it, fan-girl.
Can I get your autograph? [sighs.]
Sure.
Wow.
Um This is the one.
Just Okay.
All right.
- I'm good.
- Yeah? Oh, not so fast, Cooper.
[snapping.]
- Oh, that's enough.
- Just one more! No, no, now we're good.
[snapping.]
Ricky! Hey! How you doing? Oh, what's, uh, what's going on, Alan? I'm just stepping.
Stepping.
Our stepping competition.
No, that was never a thing, Alan.
I did not agree to a step competition, nor would I ever.
Okay, but you should.
It's all about the Pacelt.
- I'll get you one! - Sweet.
What color do you want? Surprise me.
Blue for the boss! See you at work! [cafeteria chatter, indistinct.]
Want to sit with me? We can work on our presentation.
It's not for another week.
Oh, right.
Plus, we're gonna be naturally awesome.
Why don't you just come hang out and eat? [sighs.]
Why don't I just eat with you and your friends? O.
M.
G.
This is the moment I've been waiting for, but was fairly certain would never arrive.
Yet here it is.
Mirabel Cooper eating lunch with me.
Work it, Gavin.
Sometimes I think that I'm a dreamer The one that's standing all alone Sometimes it feels like it's forever Since I've truly felt at home What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do to feel like freedom's mine? What am I gonna do? Oh, my gosh! You are totally Steve McQueen! - I kinda am.
- It's so hot.
Yeah, it's good.
- Can I drive it? - You can't.
It's a stick.
Come on! You're killing me, man! Rent a stick-shift and I'll teach you.
Why can't you teach me on this? And that's your first lesson.
Mirabel! Elisa! Gigi! Can you come outside, please? Yeah, the guy who owns it's retiring, so I bought it.
Bought what? The dealership.
- [Mirabel.]
: What's going on? - I have something to show you.
What do you think? [astonished laugh.]
This is definitely not a Dad car.
I love it! - It's so hot.
- When can we go for a ride? You know what? Shotgun.
- Uh-uh.
- Okay.
You're gonna look so good in this car, Dad.
It'll totally up your game.
Women will swarm.
I have no "game" to up, but I'm working on it.
And when I find the right woman, she will like me for who I am, which is a father, who has lucky - Smelly! - Sneakers, and the three most amazing daughters in the world.
Okay? Let's ride! Live life like I never have Live life Through the good and bad - See you in a couple weeks, Todd.
- See you later.
Have fun.
[engine starts.]
Live life Like I never have Live life Through the good And bad Oh Oh, oh
Well? [wheezing.]
I grabbed them when Daddy wasn't looking.
It was a close call I'm drained.
Well, you better find a good hiding spot.
He'll be looking for them.
I don't think he's gonna like this.
The man needs a few updates.
We're providing a service.
[.]
He's coming! [dishes rattle.]
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Hi, Daddy! - Morning, Papi.
My favorite oldest child is looking lovely today.
And how's my favorite youngest daughter? I'm your only youngest daughter.
Really? And how Your favorite middle kid is making breakfast.
Try them.
Oh.
Oh, and we're out of coffee.
I-I'll grab some on the way to work.
Mm.
Mm! I want more.
Oh, wow.
- Is that rosemary in there? - It is.
- Mm.
- Dad you gotta unbutton that shirt, like, immediately.
It makes you look like an old man.
- Old man? - Mm-hmm.
There.
That looks better.
See? Relaxed.
I don't feel more relaxed.
Oh, hey, has anybody seen my sneakers? Daddy Why don't you wear your nice loafers instead today? Now, you know how ballplayers are superstitious.
I need my sneakers.
Uh [.]
How did these get in there? The maids were here.
Maybe they thought your shoes could use a scrub.
In the dishwasher? Right.
Right.
Look, girls.
I like them.
I-I'm wearing them.
I'm sorry I'm not the fashionplate you want me to be.
You and the phrase "fashionplate" don't go together.
I have my own style.
That wasn't a question, Papi.
[.]
What are you looking at? "Time to retire the Dad-mobile.
" [chuckles.]
I'm doomed.
Aah, aah, aah Can I get a witness? Wow! I'm feelin' all right Just like I should should, should Best day of my life It feels so good good, good I'd bottle up this feeling if I could Oh yeah! - Hey! - Hey.
What's with the note? There was a time when the girls thought I could do no wrong.
Mm-hmm, and now that's all just a distant memory, huh? Yeah, they think I dress like an old guy and they want me to stop driving the "Dad-car.
" Well, I I was gonna say something.
Were you, Todd? Little bit, it's just that I feel like we need to work on your image.
I see I see.
Listen, I know it's tough, but you said it yourself you're no longer hot.
Okay? But this minivan, it kind of reinforces that point, brings it on home, if you will.
You need to be hot again, okay? And that sportscar of yours that never runs, and this, well well, uh, this kind of speaks for itself.
It's time to get some new wheels.
And that's of no use to me, because I even can't drive a stick.
Well, that's no good.
A man should know how to drive a stick, Todd.
I'm ashamed, all right? But let's bring this back to you.
This has to go, bro.
I like the minivan.
You know, it's got heated seats, the girls can watch movies, you know? The back window has that, you know, cute little wiper.
Do you even hear yourself? Because what I'm hearing The part about the warm seats, and the cute little wiper It's not sexy, Ricky.
- Middle-aged Dad-car? - Pretty much.
You know what this is about? The girls want to make me more dateable, which is vaguely insulting.
They don't think a woman would want to ride in this car.
Well, they'd be right.
Yeah, maybe I'm not interested in dating a woman who's so concerned with the kind of car I drive.
That's not the point.
The point is your girls.
They're being really sweet here, man.
They're looking out for you.
Yeah, it is pretty cute, isn't it? It is insanely cute, Ricardo.
Why don't you humor them? Get yourself a new, worthy car, a car that says, "I'm Ricky Cooper", "and I don't care about heated seats and cute little wipers.
" You're funny.
Maybe I like me just as I am.
Oh.
You had me at "Hello".
Mirabel making you watch romantic comedies again? Yeah, they're sick of watching Field of Dreams.
How could that be? I don't know.
So what are your suggestions? What kind of car do you think I should get? What about a Maserati sedan with tinted windows? Or a Porsche Panamera with racing suspension and silver wheels? Yeah, what about a Lamborghini? - I love that! - I'm kidding.
Right Well, uh have a splendid day.
Yeesh.
- [dog barking.]
- Get off of there! [thud.]
- Oh - I got it.
Outliers.
That's, uh one of my favorites.
Nice.
Do you ascribe to the "10,000-Hour Rule"? Well, I definitely think that if a person devotes 10,000 hours to any skill, they can become an expert.
Except me and ice-dancing, maybe.
And me and polo.
It's a horse thing.
[chuckles.]
I do think there are exceptions, though.
Renaissance artists, for instance.
I don't think you can learn to paint The Sistine Chapel.
That's a gift.
Right.
I'll just get a grande soy, sugar-free, hazelnut latte.
Two extra pumps, cinnamon-topped, no foam, vanilla twist, thanks.
[hushed.]
: I hate him.
I'm with you.
Thanks.
Ricky! Alan.
Hey.
Not a good time.
No.
Go.
Right.
Yeah.
Seeya.
Seeya.
Hi.
I'll have a large coffee with room.
And I'll have the same.
You're Ricky Cooper, aren't you? From the Angels? I thought I recognized you.
You're a baseball fan? Actually, it was from the commercials you did, for that sports drink you endorsed? Oh, no.
No, those were embarrassing.
Or "completely cheesy," as my kids like to say.
Yeah, they tease me a lot.
I didn't think they were that bad.
Aw, that's very kind.
Or you have no taste at all.
Ah.
Keep the change.
It was nice to meet you.
Nicole.
Enjoy the book.
Thanks.
Yeah! - Hey, Boss.
- Alan.
- You wanna walk to work together? - Nope.
Aw, come on.
I'm counting steps.
No, I don't want to count steps.
I think counting steps is weird.
Oh, no, no, I live for it.
Okay? I got an idea Let's do a competition, okay? We'll check in with each other.
Whoever wins the competition Alan.
Alan As you see by my untouched beverage, I have yet to have my coffee.
New rule No talking before I have my coffee.
Okay.
I just thought maybe you might want to - No.
- All right.
Okay.
I will see you back at work then.
I'm steppin'! Take care! - Seeya! - Seeya.
[exhales deeply.]
[school bell rings.]
And then Liam texted a picture of us.
He's just so cute sometimes.
Mirabel! Wait up! Uh save me a seat in class.
I wanted to talk to you about our science project.
- "Our"? - Yeah, you're my partner.
[scoffs.]
Uh, you must be mistaken, Garvin.
It's "Gavin.
" Anyway whatever.
I guess you didn't see the assignment list.
Mr.
Fingston paired us together.
Oh Seriously? [background chatter.]
How about we talk over here? Okay.
I'm hoping we can put our heads together and can come up with a really good topic and get an "A".
It's gonna be a lot of work.
Although, there will be Here's what I need to know.
What's the least amount of work we can possibly spend on this? I have a busy social life and, hello, these nails don't paint themselves.
Um, I don't know, exactly, but we can start tomorrow in the courtyard.
Or how about somewhere a lot less public? Oh you mean less noisy.
Okay.
Exactly.
I'll text you.
Wait.
You don't have my number! [exhales deeply.]
[door bangs.]
Yeah! I'm up! Oh it's just you.
Is this lying on my couch becoming a thing? Because I'm not sure I'm into it.
Sorry.
I was here late, and I had to be here early to teach yoga.
And it's cozy in here.
I'm glad you like it.
Look, look, Steph, if you're over-scheduled, I can hire more manpower.
Actually, you can't.
Remember what we talked about at my job interview? Um, I believe I inquired about your sketchy past employers.
Yeah, I asked you if this was for real, or some vanity enterprise for a bored ex-athlete.
And, in retrospect, that was kind of rude.
Well, I needed job security, and you reassured me that this was a money-making business, not just a hobby.
- Your point? - We're bordering on "hobby.
" Your name isn't enough to get people through the door anymore.
You're not the celebrity you once were.
Hoo! Ouch.
Oh, don't pout.
You're a still minor celebrity.
To some people.
Well, I'll bankroll the gym if I need to, but this sucks! I mean, we need to think of something.
I have an idea.
But, meanwhile, the bikes need a wipe-down.
There's some administrative paperwork that needs to be handled, and Alan's not here yet, so replacing the urinal cakes is all you, boss.
I just ran into him at the coffee place.
It's two blocks away.
What is he, lost? Who knows.
He's probably counting steps.
The point is, bikes, wipe-down.
You know.
Aw.
My life was so glamorous you know.
I used to fly on the team jet, people wanted my autograph, and now urinal cakes.
It happens.
Have fun.
Oh, yeah.
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Aunt Jackie.
How's it going? [sighs.]
Could be better.
Oh, what's going on? My science teacher has ruined my existence.
Oh, and what terrible injustice did they inflict upon you? That is the word.
"Terrible injustice.
" That's perfect.
So? - Want one? - I'm good.
So? [sighs.]
So I have to do a science project with Gavin Gilman.
I couldn't have been paired up with one of my 10 best friends? Or with Liam? Maybe your teacher thought it might be a distraction.
10 best friends? [Squeals.]
[both chuckling.]
They're all so awesome.
I'm sure they are.
Now, tell me about Gavin.
He's just a boy in class that raises his hand a lot with all the answers.
Hmm.
Gavin.
Let's just say his fashion sense leaves a great deal to be desired.
Hmm.
Poor Gavin.
Poor Gavin? Poor me! Give him a chance, Mirabel.
You know? It's got to be tough being Gavin.
It's tough being me.
I have to do a project with him.
What are you doing here? Gigi asked to borrow back-issues of Smithsonian Magazine.
I don't know what that means.
Give yourself some credit, Mira.
You're a smart girl.
I'm a lot of things but I don't think smart is one of them.
You're wrong.
I'm older.
I know better.
Plus I have some really good shoes.
[both laughing.]
Oh, you do, and a killer color palette.
I love the blouse.
Oh, thank you.
I look up to you.
I mean, not with the whole doctor thing, but fashion-wise, you're my idol.
Wow.
I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Thank you.
- [text chimes.]
- You're welcome.
The dreaded Gavin.
He wants to meet tomorrow.
Be nice.
Be patient.
We can't all be you.
That's true.
[both laughing.]
Okay, we'll see you tomorrow night.
Uncle Bill and I are coming for dinner.
Okay? [text chimes.]
Be nice! I'll try.
[Gavin.]
: The assignment says to "examine the chemical composition" "of everyday products," and, in short Yes, please, as short as possible.
Do a presentation on one of the items and its components.
So I came up with this list uh, laundry detergent, dish soap, gasoline, but - [text chimes.]
- It's all obvious stuff That everyone's gonna pick, and we definitely do not want to pick the same thing as everyone else.
Because that would be tragic.
I know.
I want to get the best mark in class.
[keyboard clicking.]
What kind of things do you use? Products? Used every day? [sighs.]
Toothpaste, moisturizer, makeup I know there's lots of chemicals in makeup.
I read labels before I put anything on my skin.
Makeup? Like Like what, specifically? The usual stuff.
Mascara tinted base concealer, powder blush, eye shadow, lipstick, lip liner, lip gloss.
If I'm transitioning from day to night, glitter gloss maybe eyeliner.
Mirabel, this is This is a really great idea.
Uh, it is? Yeah, it's way better than the dumb CFL bulb idea I was gonna suggest, though.
Look at all the junk in here! Uh, silica, mica, titanium dioxide That's a white pigment you see in a lot of cosmetics Zinc, for the sunscreen properties.
This is great.
I mean, Christy and Malcolm won't come up with anything this good.
- Who? - They're the ones to beat.
They're in our class.
Yeah, still nothing.
They sit in front of you.
No idea.
Mirabel, this is a really great idea.
I mean, you're really smart.
Uh, so could you repeat that, so I could record it and play it for my sisters? Smart and funny, too.
Let's not forget good-looking.
Certainly not.
So, what do we do next? I mean, I shouldn't be making all the decisions.
It's your project, too.
Maybe make a spreadsheet, note which mineral ingredients are naturally occurring chemical compounds and indicate their molecular formula using symbols from the periodic table? I was thinking the same thing.
[.]
[TV playing.]
The lions must hunt and find food soon or they will die.
- Hey.
- Hi, Papi.
I'm sorry I missed dinner.
I had more work today than I expected.
You're here now.
Come snuggle with us.
Ahh.
Ooh.
Ah! Come here.
There's pizza left, if you want some.
Oh, in a minute.
Right now, I am in Dad Heaven.
You want to hear what happened? Depends.
If it involves your pro-ball days, maybe not so much.
Ah, it does and it doesn't.
When I stopped for a coffee today, I was talking to this woman in line And you got her phone number? - You made a date? - Was there any chemistry? Wait, wait.
No.
Hold on.
What do you know about chemistry? I've read about pheromones and their role as a mating cue.
Now tell us what happened.
Well, t-this woman, Nicole, um, she recognized me from that old ad campaign.
No wonder you didn't get a date.
Excuse me.
Play hard! Drink up! And feel great.
Like me! My turn! Meta Support will keep you going and keep you focused.
[in unison, boldly.]
: Pull up to the power! [chuckles You want to get in on this? As a matter of fact, I do.
Hi! I'm Ricky Cooper, and when I play ball I play ball.
After a game, or a workout, when I need to pull up to the power, I pull up to the power of Meta Support.
Nutritious, delicious, full of vitamins and minerals, Meta Support will keep you going and keep you focused.
On the ball, on the workout [all chuckling and sighing.]
All right, all right.
It is hilarious.
What'd you like about this woman? I mean, before she shut you down? No, she didn't shut me down.
I well, it didn't occur to me to ask her out.
Seriously? Dude you got to get some game.
Yeah.
I am wholly without game.
Well, if it's meant to be, maybe you'll run into her again.
Mm.
Perhaps, by then, I will have acquired some game.
One can only hope.
[Ricky chuckles.]
Possible to drink up, play hard, and feel great like me! Meta Support it rocks! Okay.
Uh, Gigi, we can turn this off now.
- It's on loop.
- Nope.
Really? It's going all night.
I'll have a venti mocha frap with a pump of caramel, chocolate drizzle, and sprinkles.
Hold the coffee.
Things went well, I assume? Like a charm.
Here's more details about Dad.
Likes, dislikes, and food allergies.
Consider me your own personal Cyrano.
Thanks.
Let's get a table.
Ooh, is that a hazelnut latte? [exhales, exasperated.]
What chapter are you on? I'm just skipping around, finding the juicy parts.
There are juicy parts? I gotta reread that.
Only if you tell me how a young pitcher from a farm team manages a no-hitter his first season.
Ah! You do know a little bit about baseball.
Well, yeah, that was a long time ago.
You know you want to.
I kinda do.
Yeah.
So Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was this young, strapping pitcher named Ricky Cooper.
[background chatter.]
Hey! Good morning.
You know, I was thinking, I put on my moisturizer this morning, and I thought, there should be a website that lists the different ingredients in different products, which might not be compatible with other ingredients in other products, and cross-references them.
Sounds like a great idea.
Public service, really.
Mm.
Thank you.
Well, see you, Gavin.
Sure, I'd enjoy doing some coaching, But the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet.
Think you could teach 'em "Tricky Ricky's" famous "splitter ball"? Ho! Of course.
[phone alert chimes.]
Oh! Eddie Vedder tickets go on sale Friday.
I've seen him three times.
Hey, would you, um want to have coffee with me sometime? Oh, we just had two.
Right.
Right.
I, uh, I have no game.
I meant "officially," uh, with a meal that is consumed in a restaurant.
Wow, I'm bad at this.
It's okay.
Awkward looks good on you.
It's part of your charm.
Like those lucky sneakers.
I-I told you about these? - Yeah.
- Oh.
Here's my number.
[.]
Okay, here we come! Grilled vegetables, hot off the grill.
And barbecued chicken, coming through.
Excuse me.
- Here you go - Thank you.
This looks amazing.
And carb-free.
Mirabel, I am a pediatrician, and I'm here to tell you that carbs are good for kids.
Carbs are your friends! Mm-hmm.
Have some carbs.
Okay.
How is the project going with dreaded Gavin the Geek? Really? I can say it! I was a geek.
Ooh! Huge! [laughing.]
Actually, I think it's pretty hot.
What? I do! Geeky hot-doctor wife.
Wow! [chuckling.]
Awkward.
It was actually okay.
He turned out to be kinda nice.
I can't believe you're doing a project and didn't ask me for help.
I feel so slighted.
Simmer down, little one.
We got this.
Oh, I remember back in school when I got paired up with a brainiac kid, it turned out to be great.
Definitely made things easier.
Yeah, maybe for you.
Um, I'm the one who came up with the topic.
Some really cool science-y stuff, actually.
- Ooh - Here's a tip On your college app, don't say "science-y.
" And stay clear of "math-tastic.
" I think that's really cool.
I'd love to hear more about your project.
Sure.
As a doctor, I'm sure you're interested to hear the chemical properties in everyday products.
- Enough, Gigi.
- Hello! She said "chemical properties.
" It was kinda a pivotal moment.
Wow! Tough crowd! Mm-hmm.
And did you have a nice day, Daddy? Anything, uh, interesting happen? Uh, as a matter of fact, yes.
I, uh, I ran into Nicole again.
A woman he met.
She remembered his ads for the sports drink.
Oh! Mm.
And she actually talked to you? Impressive.
You are a funny man, Billy.
- I'm here all week.
- That, he is.
Ah, it turns out, we have a lot in common.
She likes Clint Eastwood, Kung Pao chicken, Eddie Vedder.
But, um she doesn't like kids, dogs, or dolphins.
Especially baby dolphins.
But she does have a college degree.
In Forensic Podiatry, which I didn't even know was a thing, but she can't find a job.
That's not true! She's a bookkeeper! With two poodles! [.]
[sighs.]
Whoops.
What did you do? Okay, um things are getting very devious in this house.
And I love it.
Come on, spill more.
Is she going to get in trouble right now? - 'Cause that would be excellent.
- Yeah.
No, she isn't.
Gigi, you and I will talk later.
Oh, what? Come Richard, that is so unfair! I need to know the end of this story.
Spill it, kid.
Bill, seriously? I'm with you, Uncle Bill.
Let's dig in.
Come on.
Everybody eat.
How, exactly, did you recruit Nicole to be my girlfriend? She applied for the position.
On your birthday, when we took applications, her qualifications were solid, and she followed up.
I liked her initiative.
[chuckles.]
So you, uh gave her some details about me and then coached her on what to say? I wanted you to like her.
I did! But I liked who she was pretending to be.
But she really does love baseball! It was on her statement of interest.
[astonished chuckle.]
Oh it's, it's, it's okay.
It's over, but just no more meddling.
Go.
Go get your PJs on.
[laughs.]
Good night, honey.
Thank you.
'Kay, see you soon.
Sleep tight.
Mwah! We're going to head out.
Thank you for dinner.
Of course! Of course.
That was delicious.
Thanks, bro.
It's all about the sauce! Poblano, baby.
[all chuckling.]
Listen, um I think you might have hurt Mirabel's feelings earlier.
How? What are you talking about? She was talking about her homework, and I thought you could've acted a little bit more interested.
Paid her a compliment.
But I compliment Mirabel all the time.
On the right things? Oh right.
I get it.
Wait, all right? What are you guys referring to? She should know you support and love her for all of her merits, not just her beauty.
Look, Mirabel needs to know that you think she's smart, little brother.
She is smart! I mean, a lot smarter than she's given credit for.
Right, because she's so beautiful.
Exactly.
Ahh you're right.
You're right.
I-I need to, uh pay more attention to that.
You're doing great.
I just wanted to point it out, because she said something to me earlier that made me realize that she genuinely doesn't believe that she's smart and that sucks.
I-I-I don't get it.
That girl has everything going for her.
- Mm-hmm.
- She sure does.
"O, was the power, "the gift to give us to see ourselves as others see us.
" What? I wish she could see herself the way we see her.
Oh, really? Come on! I have two advanced degrees, people.
Robert Burns? Classic! Once in a while, after all these years, you surprise me and remind me why I love you.
Come here.
- I'm goin' in.
I'm goin' in! - Mwah.
What she said, without the lippy-lippy.
Okay.
- [text alert chimes.]
- Oh! Derek Jeter? I haven't heard from him in a while.
I love that guy.
What'd he say? No What's the matter? "Stay away from 'Psycho Nicole'.
" Wow.
Ho [Ricky.]
: Nicole is a baseball groupie.
Ah, look.
There's Danny Barnes.
And, uh ha! Jesse Chavez.
She stalks baseball players! I don't understand I vetted her.
I'm guessing she didn't tell you her Twitter name is "NikiHeartsplayers".
I dodged a bullet with this one.
So, she only wanted to date Daddy because he's famous? He's not so famous.
Okay.
You're still famous to baseball stalkers.
They're called "cleat-chasers".
Ah, here's the one that Jeter saw posted.
[click.]
- Aw - Ooh.
Not your best angle.
The old stealthy-selfie.
Impressive yet incredibly creepy.
Can you say "psycho"? I'll deal with it but, yes, I can say psycho.
You've got to learn to take social cues, Daddy.
If anyone seems too perfect, they are.
I am not.
[all chuckling.]
[knocks.]
- Say "thank you".
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
I built us a kick-ass new website.
People can register for classes online, read about you, and me, and God help us, Alan.
I put advertisements on other sites, we're getting new machines, and that is just the beginning.
You are amazing.
I am.
But you can look at it later.
I need to talk to you.
Okay.
I heard about your run-in - with the cleat-chaser.
- Oh, God Yeah, the girls called me.
They thought you could use some cheering up.
So, you were fooled by whack-job baseball-fanatic chick? What're you gonna do? Well, she didn't seem like a whack-job.
You know, she seemed normal.
Nice.
Maybe knew my stats a little too well.
What is What is What is with people? Well, it's like my grandfather Roland used to say "People problems.
" - Roland is right.
- He made a mean julep.
- Oh, I would like Roland! - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, this dating is a, uh it's a tricky business.
Yeah, I am well aware of that.
And I am not getting off to a good start.
I've been at it for a decade and I suck.
Oh, that's awful.
A decade? Yeah, I once had a guy pick me up in his mom's sedan, and his mom was driving.
Wait, you don't mean did she go on the date with you? Yeah, apparently, they were very close, and we split the check three ways.
- Wow! - And another guy sold pressure-sensitive adhesives, and that is all he talked about.
It took me two ibuprofen and three Margaritas to get through that evening.
And then there's the story about the mime, and I will save that for another time.
I hate mimes.
Everybody hates mimes.
Hey, uh, Stephanie.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
[knocking.]
Hey! - Hello.
- Come in.
Make yourself at home.
Okay.
So, I was thinking about our presentation/project/ spreadsheet thingie.
The symbols from the periodic table, uh-huh.
And one word kept coming to mind "Dull.
" Uh, I hear that a lot.
[chuckles.]
I didn't mean you, silly.
I like you.
You're nice, and not dull.
[laughs.]
I'm so happy.
[laughs.]
So, here's what I was thinking.
Mr.
Fingston didn't just say do a report.
He said "A presentation.
" Well, presentation happens to be something I'm an expert in.
As you can see.
I can, I do, and you are.
[both chuckling.]
So what'd you have in mind? Visual aids.
We'll start out with a neutral base add some pops of color, then organize them in attractive vertical columns.
Substance and aesthetics.
Cool.
Here's the best part.
We'll also offer an interactive experience.
Zinc oxide anyone can try.
I'll never wash it off.
Oh, please do.
You look kinda goofy that way.
- Here.
- Thanks.
I'm so lucky to have you as a partner, Mirabela.
You're so incredibly innovative and smart.
Thank you.
Beginning to think so, too.
Well, you wanted to beat Christy and Malcolm, right? Mm-hmm.
Oh and, on the day of the presentation, you gotta untuck that shirt.
This whole "nerdy-professor look" needs to be a tad more casual.
Got it.
Keep your style.
It's important to your charm.
- I have charm? - Yes, Gavin.
Stop talking about yourself so much.
Let's get to work.
[.]
[awkward chuckling.]
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
[engine shuts down.]
[car door shuts.]
Ah, that was your science partner, I'm guessing? Yeah.
How'd it go today? I think we had a breakthrough.
Our report is on chemicals and stuff, and we've totally turned our presentation into something "wow-tastic".
Well, that's great, honey.
I love seeing you committed to your schoolwork, and so interested in the sciences.
Uh, don't get carried away, old man.
You know we're only doing this because the teacher's making us, right? Oh, of course.
Who does recreational science? But, that being said, um, it seems like you're enjoying it.
Can I tell you something, Dad? Of course.
You can tell me anything.
Gavin makes me feel like I'm more than I am.
He's the first boy who's ever treated me like I'm smart, and not just pretty.
You are so smart, Mirabel.
Now, maybe I don't say it enough, but I think you are a very smart young woman.
Well, Gigi thinks I'm dumb.
Gigi thinks Stephen Hawking is dumb.
[both chuckling.]
She likes teasing you, but she looks up to you.
And so does Elisa, and so do I.
- You do? - Yeah! Yeah, you're kind and funny and loyal.
You look out your sisters.
There are a lot of wonderful qualities going on behind that gorgeous face of yours.
Well, I'm not complaining that the other kids think I'm pretty, though.
I like that, too.
Nah, there's nothing wrong with getting that kind of attention.
You know, I know a little bit about that myself.
Yes, Daddy.
You were a big baseball star.
Yeah, yeah, I loved meeting fans, signing autographs.
But, at the end of the day, you want people to love you for who you really are.
Yeah.
You're a really great guy, Dad.
- Aww.
- I mean but we still have some things to work on, but all in all, you're pretty awesome.
Thanks.
You know, I hope you have more friends like Gavin, who, uh, appreciate that there are other sides to you.
Me too.
And to think, that just a week ago, I didn't want anyone to see me talking to him.
Yeah, that's not very nice.
I know.
I gotta remedy that, stat.
Come on.
[exhales contentedly.]
[throat clears.]
Ahem! Oh! Hi.
I was so happy I got your call.
You're about to be less happy.
I know about you and Gigi conspiring.
Well, I think she was just trying to help.
She just wants us to get to know one another.
But you already know so many people.
Felix Hernandez, Mike Trout.
Oh! Uh, and Jeter says hi, by the way.
What can I say? I love the game.
I think you love more than the game.
Listen, um, I get my photo taken with celebrity athletes, and I collect memorabilia.
It's, uh, it's just a hobby.
Yeah, a creepy one at that.
But I like you.
And when your daughters put out that APB that you needed a girlfriend, I just, uh, I took it as a chance to meet you.
And so you have.
I'm gonna call this.
Okay, fine.
But can I get a favor from you? Wow, you are pushing it, fan-girl.
Can I get your autograph? [sighs.]
Sure.
Wow.
Um This is the one.
Just Okay.
All right.
- I'm good.
- Yeah? Oh, not so fast, Cooper.
[snapping.]
- Oh, that's enough.
- Just one more! No, no, now we're good.
[snapping.]
Ricky! Hey! How you doing? Oh, what's, uh, what's going on, Alan? I'm just stepping.
Stepping.
Our stepping competition.
No, that was never a thing, Alan.
I did not agree to a step competition, nor would I ever.
Okay, but you should.
It's all about the Pacelt.
- I'll get you one! - Sweet.
What color do you want? Surprise me.
Blue for the boss! See you at work! [cafeteria chatter, indistinct.]
Want to sit with me? We can work on our presentation.
It's not for another week.
Oh, right.
Plus, we're gonna be naturally awesome.
Why don't you just come hang out and eat? [sighs.]
Why don't I just eat with you and your friends? O.
M.
G.
This is the moment I've been waiting for, but was fairly certain would never arrive.
Yet here it is.
Mirabel Cooper eating lunch with me.
Work it, Gavin.
Sometimes I think that I'm a dreamer The one that's standing all alone Sometimes it feels like it's forever Since I've truly felt at home What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do to feel like freedom's mine? What am I gonna do? Oh, my gosh! You are totally Steve McQueen! - I kinda am.
- It's so hot.
Yeah, it's good.
- Can I drive it? - You can't.
It's a stick.
Come on! You're killing me, man! Rent a stick-shift and I'll teach you.
Why can't you teach me on this? And that's your first lesson.
Mirabel! Elisa! Gigi! Can you come outside, please? Yeah, the guy who owns it's retiring, so I bought it.
Bought what? The dealership.
- [Mirabel.]
: What's going on? - I have something to show you.
What do you think? [astonished laugh.]
This is definitely not a Dad car.
I love it! - It's so hot.
- When can we go for a ride? You know what? Shotgun.
- Uh-uh.
- Okay.
You're gonna look so good in this car, Dad.
It'll totally up your game.
Women will swarm.
I have no "game" to up, but I'm working on it.
And when I find the right woman, she will like me for who I am, which is a father, who has lucky - Smelly! - Sneakers, and the three most amazing daughters in the world.
Okay? Let's ride! Live life like I never have Live life Through the good and bad - See you in a couple weeks, Todd.
- See you later.
Have fun.
[engine starts.]
Live life Like I never have Live life Through the good And bad Oh Oh, oh