Death Comes to Town (2010) s01e04 Episode Script

Previously on "Death Comes to Town": Aaahhhhhhhhh! In the event of my death, I officially decree that my wife Marilyn become the new Mayor of Shuckton.
I wonder if we were missed at the funeral? Hmm? You can say that again.
I've noticed kind of a Morning sickness.
I'm preggers.
I'm trying to figure out what happened at the crime scene.
It could be you or you Hey, who's that? Hey, fat boy.
Morning, Mrs.
Mayor.
Oh Good morning, gentlemen.
First day as Mayor, how do you feel? Positively galvanized.
Look at me, it's like I've never been in heels before.
Ma'am, we were sent down to escort you.
Well, you know, that's very nice, but I think I'm gonna take my own car today.
Thanks though.
Oh, you know, it must've been that cough syrup I had last night.
I had a big of a Cough.
A cough, yes.
Hey, would you be a dear? Why not? Thank you.
I guess it was more of a party last night than I thought.
There was a party? A few of us.
Well, I didn't know I was driving today.
What about that special son of yours, Rampop? No, he's at rifle practice.
What to do? What to do? Nicely done.
Well, someone started early, eh? Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh friend? Mmm delicious.
Well, let's check our horoscopes and see what it has to say.
Oh this is interesting, Larry.
"Keep tabs on lost loves.
" Hmm Food for thought.
Ooh! Well, that wasn't the breaking news, that's for sure.
Have you noticed that she's been sick an awful lot in the morning, sort of like an almost "morning sickness"? I'm here at the bus depot where it seems like all of Shuckton is waiting for the arrival of the big city prosecutor who will try to convict our own homegrown murderer, Crim Hollingsworth.
Will it be a big city smack down? I Oh! And here they are now.
Whoo! Hey, everybody.
I look great! Glad to meet me?! I can tell one thing right away.
This little tiny hick town sure does stink! Whoo! What a shithole! Mr.
Prosecutor, a question.
Oh no, no.
Call me "Big City" 'cause I was educated in the big city.
Not like you farm-fed, outhouse-lovin' rubes.
Speakin' of which, who here has heard of the Internet? Really? That many people? Okay, who here does their own dental work? Oh yeah, right here.
Yeah, good to know.
Mr.
Prosecutor, a question.
Yes, the carpet does match the drapes.
Now, Mr.
Prosecutor, what people at home want to know is, how do you think this trial is going to play out? Great question.
Well, you know what? That defendant, he guilty.
He goin' down.
And I'm gonna take him down and kill 'im.
Yeah.
And that lowly public defender, I would be very, very worried if I was that boy.
In fact, if he was here, I would challenge him to a bare knuckle boxing contest, eh? Yeah, you folks like that? Oh, where is that lowly fool, eh? Ralphie, the doctor will see you now.
Public defender, Sam Murray.
Please hold.
Don't worry, Buttonhole, everything will be just fine.
Good morning, Mr.
Murray.
Can you tell me how old Buttonhole is? He's 32-years-old.
32 years young.
We're not giving up, are we, Mr.
Murray? - No.
- Good.
- Never.
As you know, Buttonhole is in a coma.
But he's gonna get out it, right? Well, it's a little bit worse than that.
Apparently your cat is In two different comas.
Two different comas? Correct.
What are we going to do about it? Well, that depends on how much you want your cat.
More than my parents! Good! Because the treatment available for a cat this far gone, are on the bank-emptying, round-the-clock, invasive, experimental, almost futile variety.
Let's do it! Excellent choice, Mr.
Murray.
We're going to need an imprint of your credit card.
Sure.
Sure.
I think quality of life is overrated.
Here, pick one.
Hey, how come we're not watching TV? 'Cause I kind of sort of have better things to do, okay? Well, you don't have to rip my head off and eat my brains like you were some kind of Brain-eating monster! I'm sorry, Marnie.
I think I'm going crazy.
I feel like I've gotta get out of here.
Really? Oh, I'll get it.
No! I'll get it.
I'm getting up off the couch now.
Oh Ricky, you're up! Ricky, I'm amazed! Ricky, you're moving.
Ricky, your legs are moving.
Ricky, you're moving towards the door! Ricky, you're up and you're moving! Ricky Go on, Ricky, go! I can't do it.
Well, I can get that for you.
You've done such good work, Ricky.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh, Ricky.
It's summons for jury duty.
Ricky, this is your chance to get out of the house.
Come on, Ricky.
Let's go! Let's go, Ricky! Come on, Ricky, let's go! We're gonna go.
We're going out the door now, Ricky! After you, Ricky! This is it! We're going out the door.
Let's go, Ricky! I don't think I can do it.
Oh that's too bad, Ricky.
Well, it asks your reasons if you're unable to serve.
I'm obese.
It says, "if you checked obese, how obese are you?" Very obese.
It says, "if you've checked very obese, are you as obese as Ricky?" I am Ricky.
I'm Ricky.
May I? Oh you may.
Do you know, Shaye, that there is a certain spot in Litnilak where it hasn't rained in over 30 years? Like, uh, why are you tellin' me this darn nonsense? Oh, well, I was just thinking that if I was about to have a child like you and Corrinda, I would so totally move to that spot.
What? Corrinda's pregnant? Oh, you didn't know.
Everybody else does.
Does she know? I think so.
Okay, cool.
Cool.
Very cool.
Oh, and Shaye, if you're looking for a woman that goes like a racehorse and doesn't get pregnant, why don't you try someone older like me and not some kid in her forties.
And FYI, I've been barren for over a decade.
Okay, here's your mic.
Oh, great What is going on here? Is there change in the offing? Levon! Levon! She doesn't look pregnant to me.
Oh, I think she does.
Hmm? Oops! Caught me flossin' my toes here.
Sorry about that.
Travis Purdy, deputy Mayor.
Marilyn Bowman, actual Mayor.
Ah okay.
Well, here's your seat.
Just warmin' it up for ya.
Oh, thank you, Travis.
Oh, so tell me something, Travis.
Can, uh Can we speak honestly? Uh I don't know.
I don't think I've ever tried that.
Well, my husband wasn't a very good Mayor.
Actually, if you go back and look at the records, you'll see a long list of accomplishments- Travis Yeah, that's a lie.
Wow, it's harder than I thought! All right, and our olympic bid, well, that never really stood a chance.
Not so Although unconventional, Shuckton was a superb candidate for the Olympics Yeah, no, strike two.
Damn! I can hear it when I'm coming out- but the fact remains that if Shuckton is going to continue to grow, or even survive, we need to bring in some new money.
Okay.
Now I've done some research and I've found there's quite a bit of buzz around nuclear energy.
And we've got all these beautiful lakes that we're doing nothing with.
I think it'd be a shame not to fill them with nuclear waste.
Absolutely.
I'm gettin' it, huh? Oh, but I'm a little concerned.
I noticed a lot of meetings in my husband's papers with this green committee.
Honestly, green committee, total sham.
Really? Yeah.
I don't know, because my husband had a lot of meetings with them.
It's like almost every Thursday at 10:00 P.
M.
Over at the No-tell motel.
No-tell motel? That's where people go to cheat on their wives.
Do they? Oh yeah.
Well, tell you what, why don't I just call up the green committee and see if we can't set up a meeting, all right? Hello, Heather Weather here.
Oh, I must have misdialled.
This is Mayor Bowman calling.
Mayor Bowman is dead! No, Mayor Marilyn Bowman.
There's a storm coming Madam Mayor.
Dusty.
You look sensational.
Grief suits you.
No, it's power.
Well, I knew it was one thing or the other.
Yeah.
Oh, well, I suppose you've heard about my husband and Heather Weather.
Yes, I have.
And why her? Such a big-nosed cow, hm? Such a sad, manish, banana-nosed cow.
A hideous cow with thick calves and a rotund head.
Oh Dusty Oh, you know how to cheer a girl up.
Well, it's a gift.
Let's make ourselves comfortable.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Marilyn, how could he do this to us?! Us? Us Shuckton, the town.
You see, Shuckton the town.
It's just I lose control when I think of her.
Yes.
You know I think she may have even murdered Larry.
What? Mm-hm.
Because he refused to leave me for her.
You mean some sort of a crime of passion? Yes.
Well, passion is what drives us all.
I myself could imagine killing for the man I loved.
Hm? If I was some sort of a crazy chick.
Yes.
Hi.
I'm Sam Murray, your lawyer.
Greetings, Sam.
I'm Crimson Hollingsworth of the ojibway nation.
Oh, are you native? A large fraction, yes.
Excellent.
Anyway, I just- come on in.
Oh.
Very nice.
So, Sam, what's the plan? Plan? Mm-hm.
Oh, already? Mm-hm.
Well, first I have to think of a plan, mm-hm.
Starting with the need to have a plan.
Yeah.
That done, we move on to 'b': Plan creation.
Now, creating the plan is where the work really begins.
Sounds good.
Let's do it to it.
Okay.
Oh, oh, this could be important.
Excuse me for a second.
Hey, Sam, is that a break in the case? No-no-no.
No, this is the pet hospital.
They need another credit card.
Apparently my sick cat has to be hooked up to a very expensive blood rotating machine.
Oh.
Hm Sam, how many murder cases have you fought? Well mostly I coach volleyball.
Have you filed your redondo writ, yet? No not as such.
Well, when you do, make sure that you make reference to the 1975 case of Crow versus Bear.
It's a landmark decision.
Oh, that's good.
Could you repeat that, but slower this time.
Sam I'm beginning to worry about you.
Look, I promise you, I'm gonna give you 110 percent.
Oh boy, you know what we need to do? I think that we need to do a smudging ceremony.
Is that real smudge? Mm-hm good smudge.
Look, I just wanted to say good luck and may the best lawyer win.
Blehhhh! Best lawyer win Good morning.
Before we start, I have an announcement to make.
I may not be at my best during this trial because someone has stolen my first string gavel.
Oh So I will be presiding using my second string gavel.
I'm not making any promises, okay? All right, let's select a jury.
I robbed her.
Denied! I robbed him, too.
Also denied! I plowed her, then she robbed me.
But it was worth it, eh? Denied! Good morning, sir.
I understand that you sell tractor parts around Shuckton.
Well, to be specific, not just Shuckton.
I've been known to handle Gimbel, Warshuck, Study Corners and Blind Valley - What a town.
Met my wife in Spoonie.
I also handle Reindeer, Devil's knee, Cariola, Sleep, Glowering Grove, Colinette, Respite, Letvinak, Gilsell, Tuit, Sally Ho, Shanton, Propping Way, New Aspery, Bactane, Riddell, Louise and Humbug.
Now here's where I won't sell tractor parts Denied! Look you smug bastard, you're accepted.
Sir, I saw you drinkin' from a puddle previously.
You are denied.
Miss, do you have any hobbies? My favourite game to play is racist bingo.
Under the n- Denied! Sir, you are accepted.
Oh, come on! Is that the best you can do? You gonna take that jerk? Look at 'im, he's a liar! Look at his eyes, they're shifty! So you thought that was appropriate courtwear, ma'am? Denied.
So, ma'am, what are you? I'm a chicken lady.
I was born in a barn, so I'll be really good at this trial, eh? But you can't show me too much evidence because violenceakes me h-h-h-horny.
Accepted No! No, denied.
I meant denied.
Mm It's last call.
She'll do.
Right.
That's our jury.
Let us begin the hunt for justice First thing in the morning.
Hey! Hey man.
Your daddy don't know what your mama is gonna do tonight I said your daddy don't know what your mama's gonna do tonight Want another shot of owl's blood? That'll make it an even dozen.
That is a superb reason! So you girls are plus-plus size models? God, you're cute enough to be plus size models.
Oh That is so sweet! Do you mind? No.
Oh! I hope your toes are nice and salty.
Oh Oh oh! Oh! Oh! Who wants to smoke a whole bunch of pot? I do! So instead of a condom, you used a shower cap? Yeah.
Isn't that what they're used for? Like who uses a shower cap as a shower cap? Come on, Corrinda, use your head.
I'm sorry.
I'm so stupid.
You're right, that's totally reasonable.
It's just that now we have to figure out what're we gonna do about this b-a-b-y? Look, I really want to have a baby.
You do? Yeah.
But even more than that, I don't want to have a baby.
Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.
Are you sure you're sure? I'm really sure I'm sure.
Are you sure you're sure you're sure? I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure.
Okay, pick any word.
How would you describe- sure.
You'd be sure? I'm sure.
I don't think you're sure.
I'm sure.
I don't think so.
I think you need to see me dance sexy.
You know what? I don't think I need that.
Oh yeah! Oh Hi, Corrinda.
What do you think you're doing, Heather? I'm exercising.
First you try and take my job and now you're trying to take my boyfriend? Oh! I don't think so! It's on.
Come on! Come on! Try and kill me! Shaye! Heather Weather, we're here to arrest you for murder.
Marilyn Bowman, if you have an accusation to make, then just make it! I just made it.
I I'm accusing you of murdering my husband for refusing to leave me for you.
Wha? Hmm Officers, arrest that woman.
- What're you doing? - Let's go, Heather.
Troy? Marcel? What is this, some sort of a kinky game? We've played that game.
We're right here, Ricky! Fat prick.
Tell you what, why don't you just die, okay? And save me the time.
You said it all the time, why don't you just die? Or come on out, 'cause I'm right here, Ricky.
I'm right here.
Come on! Hmm? Hang on I just gotta drain the snake.
Oh yeah! I'm not gonna put that in my mouth.
Get the message, Ricky? Ta-da! Whooo! Wha?