Decoys (2020) s01e04 Episode Script
Vermiculation
1
I'm here on a supply run,
doing something
completely unheard of.
The falcated duck male
It possesses
an elaborate tail plumage,
which I plan on recreating,
using a little known technique,
which uses paper feathers.
The tail plumage is
actually a sign of fitness
and it denotes
the male sexual vitality.
This duck fucks.
♪
I inherited it from Rod Carrow.
No. He won the nationals in '83.
Yep. There's a lot of
history in this tool.
You want to hold it?
Come on. Don't tease me.
Go on.
Oh my God.
It's like a lightning rod.
I gotta tell ya,
that chisel helped me rough out
some of the best
ducks I ever carved.
And do you miss it?
Carving?
Every day.
Enjoy it while
you've got it, kid.
Brunswick.
Peltier.
♪
Oh, boy!
There's a lot of delicate egos
coming through this competition
and this arrangement takes
a lot of brain power.
A star next
the name on this list indicates
that someone has requested that
they not be placed next to you.
Imagine
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
That just might be it.
Dennis!
Yeah?!
- Dennis, come here!
- What?!
- Come up!
- What?!
Oh, wow.
You cracked it.
It nearly killed me,
but I think I really did it.
This is
What? What is it?
Open your eyes, Barb.
You got Frank Brunswick
next to Ed Macyk.
That's suicide!
I can't do it.
It's too much!
Pull yourself together! Come on!
There's thirty-six
people relying on you!
You think I don't know that?!
You lost?
Draw knife bit the dust.
So, I thought I'd patronize a
struggling small business owner.
The only thing I'm
struggling to do is understand
why you didn't just
order one online.
Oh, God,
the history here
It's like two rutting
bucks locking horns.
Alberta carving has
been a three-horse race
for the last twenty years
Donald "The Loonatic" Sinclair,
Rhett Peltier,
and Frank Brunswick.
Frank Brunswick has never
taken home the crown.
Always the bridesmaid,
never the bride.
Rhett and The Loonatic
have been trading the title
back and forth, until,
three years ago,
when Rhett had to step off
the competition circuit.
Tremors.
And well, we lost The Loonatic.
And so, now,
Frank Brunswick is the top dog.
I'll take a draw knife.
That's a serious
tool, Brunswick.
Before purchase,
I'm gonna have to ask you if
you're capable to handle it.
Peltier
I doubt you'd be able to ID
tupelo from basswood.
That's rich, coming from Frank
"The Copycat" Brunswick.
He's never carved an
original decoy in his life.
- Ball hockey.
- Oh, yeah?
'92?
You showed up with
an exact replica
of Russ Mann's shoveler,
which won in '86.
I've never heard of Russ Mann.
What about '98?
Andy Pelech set the circuit
on fire with a Canvas Back,
and lo and behold, old
Brunswick here shows up with,
you guessed it, a Canvas Back.
You don't have an
original bone in your body.
Oh my God.
It is a cage match!
No one, and I mean no one, on
the circuit has relied more
on sucking up to the
judges than you, Rhett.
I lobbied for
blind submissions
Keep the carver out of it
And you were the one
who was so scared.
It's duck carving, Frank!
You can't separate
the carver from the duck!
You want to sterilize carving,
surround yourself
with diagrams and charts.
But by God, you'll never get it.
Nothing about
duck carving has to be correct;
It just has to be true.
That doesn't even make sense.
Just give me the damn
knife and I'll go.
Take the knife,
free of charge.
I don't want you
having any excuses
when you lose again this year.
You and old Donald Sinclair,
playing grab ass in the winner's
circle for the last ten years.
I'm glad he's gone.
Get out.
My technique will finally get
the recognition it deserves.
The only thing you deserve is
a rotary tool up your ass.
The joke's on him
I don't use power tools.
How about this?
Whoops. So long.
You weren't actually going to
stab him, were you?
I brought dinner!
Dinner? I just met her.
That one doesn't work.
Ehh. It kind of does.
And yeah, no, dinner
would be fantastic.
I'll take it in my studio.
Your studio?
This is our dining room
and you're not a painter.
Painter?
I just met her!
She loves it.
The Mallard duck has
managed to exist in man's world
and he's done it
most successfully.
You win.
For a more complete
story on the mallard duck,
why not contact the Canadian
Wildlife Service in Ottawa?
I I know now why
my dad loved this so much.
It's so peaceful.
And when you see it come
together from a block of wood,
you feel so
accomplished.
The time I wasted
when he was around
and I took it for granted.
I could have done this
with him a hundred times,
I never did.
I only thought about myself.
You know, he's never talked
about his dad that much
since he's passed.
♪
I'd like to return this wood.
What seems
to be the issue, Zeke?
Carver's block.
You hear about it
happening to people,
just don't think
it's gonna happen to you.
I see.
Zeke, brother
I owe you an apology.
No. I'm the one that
needs to apologize
to the wood, to the trees,
to the gods of carving.
No. This block's defective.
- Defective?
- Yeah, man.
I must swap this. No charge.
Hang on.
I am so sorry, man.
You really should be a little
more careful, Rhett.
Some people go crazy when
it comes this carving business.
They can lose their minds!
It's irresponsible.
Sorry, Zeke.
Won't happen again..
I knew there was
something off with that wood.
Exact same piece of wood.
Hi, sweetie.
Ex excited for
the competition, I bet.
Maybe you'll meet a
nice guy there this year.
Someone to date.
Wouldn't that be nice?
Well
I'll leave you to it.
That would be nice,
but I don't have much hope.
It doesn't help that the average
age at the competition
is probably 70 and
none of the seniors
want a relationship.
They just wanna hook up.
It's done.
Oh my God.
- All done.
- Wow.
Looks pretty good, this one.
I think so, too.
I hope the judges agree.
Thank you, Dennis.
We will get this done,
Barb, okay?
Somehow we will.
We have to.
Starting from scratch.
- No!
- I'm sorry.
It's late, babe.
I'm almost done.
Wow. It looks great.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Just have to glue these
eyes on and then I'm done.
It's kind of absurd.
The rules say they
have to be glass.
Wait, there's rules?
Are there?
There's twenty pages of them.
No. You've got to
be kidding me.
Look at this.
"Carvers will be
judged on how well"
"they capture the bird's jizz."
Please tell me that "jizz" means
something else in duck carving.
Thankfully, it does. There's no
jizz capturing happening.
It's just you know, it means
the bird as a whole. Okay?
Well, it seems
safer to say that.
We carvers prefer "jizz."
I, um
I know you'll be happy
to see this all cleaned up.
I'll tidy everything before
I go to Lloyd tomorrow
and then,
I'll be out of your hair.
About that, um
Sarah's in town this weekend.
- Okay.
- She offered to take my shifts.
I'm coming with you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You're coming to Lloydminster?
Yeah. I don't wanna miss it.
I gotta make sure
you capture that jizz.
♪
Be true or be gone ♪
You're only fooling yourself ♪
Open hand or not ♪
You are holding out ♪
But there is no light ♪
That you can't live in ♪
Tear it apart ♪
Your old confession
made in the dark ♪
Now, every hour,
change of heart ♪
You're running away ♪
But the shadow is yours ♪
♪
Cover all your steps ♪
One day, I know
they will be tried ♪
No deception left ♪
And now, even you
might realize ♪
That there is no lie
that you can live in ♪
Tear it apart ♪
Your own confession ♪
Made in the dark ♪
Now every hour ♪
Change of heart ♪
You're running away ♪
But the shadow is your own ♪
Your own ♪
One day,
when it finds you ♪
I'm here on a supply run,
doing something
completely unheard of.
The falcated duck male
It possesses
an elaborate tail plumage,
which I plan on recreating,
using a little known technique,
which uses paper feathers.
The tail plumage is
actually a sign of fitness
and it denotes
the male sexual vitality.
This duck fucks.
♪
I inherited it from Rod Carrow.
No. He won the nationals in '83.
Yep. There's a lot of
history in this tool.
You want to hold it?
Come on. Don't tease me.
Go on.
Oh my God.
It's like a lightning rod.
I gotta tell ya,
that chisel helped me rough out
some of the best
ducks I ever carved.
And do you miss it?
Carving?
Every day.
Enjoy it while
you've got it, kid.
Brunswick.
Peltier.
♪
Oh, boy!
There's a lot of delicate egos
coming through this competition
and this arrangement takes
a lot of brain power.
A star next
the name on this list indicates
that someone has requested that
they not be placed next to you.
Imagine
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
That just might be it.
Dennis!
Yeah?!
- Dennis, come here!
- What?!
- Come up!
- What?!
Oh, wow.
You cracked it.
It nearly killed me,
but I think I really did it.
This is
What? What is it?
Open your eyes, Barb.
You got Frank Brunswick
next to Ed Macyk.
That's suicide!
I can't do it.
It's too much!
Pull yourself together! Come on!
There's thirty-six
people relying on you!
You think I don't know that?!
You lost?
Draw knife bit the dust.
So, I thought I'd patronize a
struggling small business owner.
The only thing I'm
struggling to do is understand
why you didn't just
order one online.
Oh, God,
the history here
It's like two rutting
bucks locking horns.
Alberta carving has
been a three-horse race
for the last twenty years
Donald "The Loonatic" Sinclair,
Rhett Peltier,
and Frank Brunswick.
Frank Brunswick has never
taken home the crown.
Always the bridesmaid,
never the bride.
Rhett and The Loonatic
have been trading the title
back and forth, until,
three years ago,
when Rhett had to step off
the competition circuit.
Tremors.
And well, we lost The Loonatic.
And so, now,
Frank Brunswick is the top dog.
I'll take a draw knife.
That's a serious
tool, Brunswick.
Before purchase,
I'm gonna have to ask you if
you're capable to handle it.
Peltier
I doubt you'd be able to ID
tupelo from basswood.
That's rich, coming from Frank
"The Copycat" Brunswick.
He's never carved an
original decoy in his life.
- Ball hockey.
- Oh, yeah?
'92?
You showed up with
an exact replica
of Russ Mann's shoveler,
which won in '86.
I've never heard of Russ Mann.
What about '98?
Andy Pelech set the circuit
on fire with a Canvas Back,
and lo and behold, old
Brunswick here shows up with,
you guessed it, a Canvas Back.
You don't have an
original bone in your body.
Oh my God.
It is a cage match!
No one, and I mean no one, on
the circuit has relied more
on sucking up to the
judges than you, Rhett.
I lobbied for
blind submissions
Keep the carver out of it
And you were the one
who was so scared.
It's duck carving, Frank!
You can't separate
the carver from the duck!
You want to sterilize carving,
surround yourself
with diagrams and charts.
But by God, you'll never get it.
Nothing about
duck carving has to be correct;
It just has to be true.
That doesn't even make sense.
Just give me the damn
knife and I'll go.
Take the knife,
free of charge.
I don't want you
having any excuses
when you lose again this year.
You and old Donald Sinclair,
playing grab ass in the winner's
circle for the last ten years.
I'm glad he's gone.
Get out.
My technique will finally get
the recognition it deserves.
The only thing you deserve is
a rotary tool up your ass.
The joke's on him
I don't use power tools.
How about this?
Whoops. So long.
You weren't actually going to
stab him, were you?
I brought dinner!
Dinner? I just met her.
That one doesn't work.
Ehh. It kind of does.
And yeah, no, dinner
would be fantastic.
I'll take it in my studio.
Your studio?
This is our dining room
and you're not a painter.
Painter?
I just met her!
She loves it.
The Mallard duck has
managed to exist in man's world
and he's done it
most successfully.
You win.
For a more complete
story on the mallard duck,
why not contact the Canadian
Wildlife Service in Ottawa?
I I know now why
my dad loved this so much.
It's so peaceful.
And when you see it come
together from a block of wood,
you feel so
accomplished.
The time I wasted
when he was around
and I took it for granted.
I could have done this
with him a hundred times,
I never did.
I only thought about myself.
You know, he's never talked
about his dad that much
since he's passed.
♪
I'd like to return this wood.
What seems
to be the issue, Zeke?
Carver's block.
You hear about it
happening to people,
just don't think
it's gonna happen to you.
I see.
Zeke, brother
I owe you an apology.
No. I'm the one that
needs to apologize
to the wood, to the trees,
to the gods of carving.
No. This block's defective.
- Defective?
- Yeah, man.
I must swap this. No charge.
Hang on.
I am so sorry, man.
You really should be a little
more careful, Rhett.
Some people go crazy when
it comes this carving business.
They can lose their minds!
It's irresponsible.
Sorry, Zeke.
Won't happen again..
I knew there was
something off with that wood.
Exact same piece of wood.
Hi, sweetie.
Ex excited for
the competition, I bet.
Maybe you'll meet a
nice guy there this year.
Someone to date.
Wouldn't that be nice?
Well
I'll leave you to it.
That would be nice,
but I don't have much hope.
It doesn't help that the average
age at the competition
is probably 70 and
none of the seniors
want a relationship.
They just wanna hook up.
It's done.
Oh my God.
- All done.
- Wow.
Looks pretty good, this one.
I think so, too.
I hope the judges agree.
Thank you, Dennis.
We will get this done,
Barb, okay?
Somehow we will.
We have to.
Starting from scratch.
- No!
- I'm sorry.
It's late, babe.
I'm almost done.
Wow. It looks great.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Just have to glue these
eyes on and then I'm done.
It's kind of absurd.
The rules say they
have to be glass.
Wait, there's rules?
Are there?
There's twenty pages of them.
No. You've got to
be kidding me.
Look at this.
"Carvers will be
judged on how well"
"they capture the bird's jizz."
Please tell me that "jizz" means
something else in duck carving.
Thankfully, it does. There's no
jizz capturing happening.
It's just you know, it means
the bird as a whole. Okay?
Well, it seems
safer to say that.
We carvers prefer "jizz."
I, um
I know you'll be happy
to see this all cleaned up.
I'll tidy everything before
I go to Lloyd tomorrow
and then,
I'll be out of your hair.
About that, um
Sarah's in town this weekend.
- Okay.
- She offered to take my shifts.
I'm coming with you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You're coming to Lloydminster?
Yeah. I don't wanna miss it.
I gotta make sure
you capture that jizz.
♪
Be true or be gone ♪
You're only fooling yourself ♪
Open hand or not ♪
You are holding out ♪
But there is no light ♪
That you can't live in ♪
Tear it apart ♪
Your old confession
made in the dark ♪
Now, every hour,
change of heart ♪
You're running away ♪
But the shadow is yours ♪
♪
Cover all your steps ♪
One day, I know
they will be tried ♪
No deception left ♪
And now, even you
might realize ♪
That there is no lie
that you can live in ♪
Tear it apart ♪
Your own confession ♪
Made in the dark ♪
Now every hour ♪
Change of heart ♪
You're running away ♪
But the shadow is your own ♪
Your own ♪
One day,
when it finds you ♪