Dinosaur (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

1
- Will you be my maid of honor?
- Yeah.
Whoo!
It's Mad Amber.
After eight tries as MOH,
I'm actually so relieved
to just be a bridesmaid
this time.
You could be digging these up
on the Isle of Wight.
You should apply.
I mean, it's a big day,
isn't it?
- Yeah, as I have a date
- Dress fitting!
- No, I have a date.
- No, you have a dress fitting.
I can do both.
Oh, shoh, sorry.
Must be quite a stimulating
space for you, Nina.
Fuck!
I'm sorry about today.
I'm really sorry too.
- Night, Nina.
- Night, Evie.
Night, Neen-meister.
Save it for the second date.
Is there a second date?
If you have the time.
Look, Nina,
I know that Amber and Mum
really grind your gears,
but this is my last weekend
of freedom.
There'll be no drama.
No.
Just all my favorite people
in my favorite place,
getting fucked up
away from Glasgow,
creating hilarious stories
that I'm gonna tell forever.
I've tried my best
to plan you
a lovely hen do away
in Rothesay,
but please do keep in mind, Evie,
it is still Rothesay.
Yeah.
But it's the sort of place
where we can really go wild.
- Girls!
- Ah!
Hello!
Oh, Evie.
The last weekend of freedom
with all our girls.
So who are we
still waiting on?
Amber and Mum were
the only two people
that paid the deposit on time.
Oh.
It's fine.
This is all we need.
This is all we need.
♪
Who doesn't let the girl
be Rose on their own hen party?
My heart will go on
for you, Evie.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that's it.
That's Rothesay, isn't it?
Oh, let's get fucked up!
Nina, get in here!
Oggy, Oggy, Oggy!
Oi, oi, oi!
Oh, this is all we need!
This is all we need!
♪
It's exactly the same!
It's exactly the same.
And this island has no idea
what's coming to it.
Should we ask him
for information?
If you want to get groped.
Is that absinthe?
Nina, look.
You used to love
those Victorian toilets.
Used to say, "I can't believe
I'm sitting on history."
Shitting on history.
I didn't have the heart
to tell you
they were renovated
in the '90s.
So, Nina, where to first?
Oh, just you wait and see.
To the sesh!
Oh, I'll get the bags then.
♪
Nice bags, darling.
Thank you for the help,
you pervert.
♪
Welcome to mini golf
with a twist.
Each hole represents one
of your many, many, many exes,
with the final hole being
The ultimate hole
of your gorgeous
future husband, Ranesh.
Wow!
What an amazing shock.
Look at all
my failed relationships.
Nina, you did so well
to plan this all by yourself.
I still get sweet texts
from that one.
Mum, he's a scammer.
I bought his bitcoins.
♪
She was a bawbag.
She never laughed at my jokes,
and I'm funny.
She never deserved you, Evie.
Now Evie's on
to the last hole.
Whoo-hoo!
Evie, isn't it crazy?
Everywhere you go,
Ranesh will be there.
You wake up, he's there.
You go to bed, he's there.
Just him.
Always and forever.
You're the luckiest girl
in the world.
Manifest it, babe.
Put your ball
in his hole, Evie.
Visualize walking
down the aisle.
Ranesh forevs.
You have to really
want this, Evie!
Aww.
Not to worry, darling.
Yeah, Ranesh is really hard.
Right.
Nina, where to next?
Beach, then B&B.
Whoo-hoo!
Ooh!
♪
Suitcases!
Shite-hawks.
Come and join me, girls!
It's really not cold at all!
Yeah, just putting on
sun cream!
Whoo!
God, that's depressing.
Nina, when's it all
gonna kick off?
Been here
for, like, three hours
and we've not had any
You said you wanted
to come to the beach,
so I brought you to the beach.
I've got this scheduled
for another two hours.
Look, no offense intended
in the slightest, Nina
this sesh is worse
than my granddad's funeral.
And he fell out the coffin.
This is Evie's final chance
to get fucked up
before she's chained
to the beautiful ball and chain
that is Ranesh.
And we need to make
the most of it.
God, he's great.
Amber, can you stop
with the Ranesh praising?
My point is,
this has to be the send-off
that Evie deserves.
We're gonna need something
stronger than absinthe.
I'm freezing
my tits off, but I feel alive!
I'm talking about
Drugs.
Oh, my God, yeah. Please.
How the hell are we getting
drugs in Rothesay?
Yeah, good point.
OK, Nina, you look after Mum.
- We're gonna go find some drugs.
- Eh, eh, eh.
Why do you assume
that I don't know
how to get that kind of stuff?
I know that Mum treats me
like a toddler,
but I know
how to procure drugs.
- Oh, do you now?
- Yes, I do.
Come in, girls!
Oh, I'm gonna go
phone my drug friend
who knows about drugs.
She's so full of surprises.
Who knew?
- I'm serious, Bo.
- I'm sorry.
I'm just picturing you
holed up on a cocaine farm
with two guns in your pants
and a dead hooker in the boot.
What do you want drugs for, anyway?
Can you help me or can't you?
You know, my days of uppers
are behind me, Nina.
Are you not
in Ranesh's stag do?
Does he not have any?
He refuses to call it a stag
'cause of the patriarchal associations.
Hang on.
I will activate my blue tit
and gain one worm
and two wheat,
and I've done it.
I've diversified the wetlands.
Yes!
I knew I would.
I knew I would.
Yeah, there's no drugs here.
Can you have, like,
a wee scramble about,
see if you can find some,
and then bring them to me?
Afraid not.
I'm actually not allowed
to set foot in Rothesay
after I punched that swan.
Nina, you're from Glasgow.
Even you will know someone
that knows someone.
Just think about
the coolest person you know,
someone that works
a minimum wage job
but never seems to be
worried about money.
That guy is probably
selling something.
OK, Bo.
Love you. Bye.
Love
What do they say, "birds
of a feather flock together"?
Unless you're me, the winner.
Yes.
Hello?
Hi.
Who is this?
This is Nina
from the museum and the date.
I fell in the toilet.
Yeah, you don't need to say
"Nina from."
You're actually
the only Nina I know.
You're my one and only Nina.
Are you jumping?
No.
Erm, just fixing my coat.
Do you, erm, perchance dabble
In drugs?
Let me cut
to the chase here, friend.
I am three hours deep
in a hen party
where I am maid of honor,
and nothing fun nor epic
has happened.
And as maid of honor,
it's within my remit
to create fun and epicness,
so could you bring me drugs
so I can make
something fun happen?
Drugs.
Drugs. Drugs!
Drugs. Yeah, yeah.
No, I canI mean, I'mI'm
I'mI'm meant to be work
no, no, no, I can do it.
I can do it. Yeah.
Oh, do you know
where to get them?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
JustI just need
to make a few calls.
Awesome, and, um,
could you bring them to me?
I'm in a place called Rothesay.
Rothesay?
Oh, I hear it's
No, it's not.
Right.
No, I'llI'll
I'll get the stuff, Nina.
Justjust give me a few hours.
Oh!
Ah I'm your man.
OK, thank you.
OK. Love you. Bye.
Fuck.
Hello!
I've procured the gear.
They're gonna be here
in a couple of hours.
Whoo!
To the B&B!
What are you screaming about?
We love you!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
I'm not surprised ♪
Said I'm your type ♪
Can't look at you
with those wandering eyes ♪
Tell me the truth ♪
Ooh. Blame the curb.
Are you all right?
I'm amazing, Nina.
I'm having such a good time.
There's this play park
on the hill by the harbor.
And we took Nina there
when she was 13.
She got stuck in a slide,
and she was screaming
so loudly.
Mum, stop.
When the fire department
rescued her,
we realized she'd just been
holding on to the inside
- the entire time.
- No.
And she kept yelling,
"Stop laughing!"
which meant
everybody couldn't stop
Mum, stop!
Stop it!
It's not funny.
And now for the next stop
in our extravaganza,
a place
with more elderly gentlemen
than Amber's pants.
It's the pub.
Are you OK?
-Yeah, very.
-Yes?
We're now gonna hand over
to Amber,
who is gonna make us play
a weird game.
Thank you so much for
the kind introduction, Nina.
OK.
So everyone write down
three of your deepest, darkest,
most sexual secrets.
There's only one rule
don't be boring.
It's a hen party,
for God's sake.
It's obviously only funny
if it's about sex.
Oh, Nina, shut your ears.
I've done it 13 times.
Boop.
♪
Haven't got my glasses.
You don't wear glasses.
Shh.
"I've had a thing
for Alan Titsmarsh
since I saw him in the street
in the early '90s."
Oh, that's a head-scratcher.
OK, so just to reiterate,
this game's meant to be
really outrageous.
It's obviously mum.
- Was it you?
- Yeah.
It's just the way
he holds his trowel.
"I had a dream about pumping
David Attenborough."
Nina.
Nina, you can't say that.
He's, like, 100 years old.
Amber said to make it sexy.
Attenborough's
a national treasure, Nina.
Nina, inappropriate.
It was only a dream.
I didn't actually do it.
"I threw a hot dog
at a painting
"in the National Portrait Gallery.
"When the police questioned me,
I lied
and said I'd done it as part
of the Stop Oil movement.
And also, I think
I'm addicted to pegging."
Amber?
Nice try.
That is so you, Nina.
Nina, is this
overstimulating you?
Do you need a quiet space?
- No, I'm fine.
- OK.
"I've led someone on."
That's all it says.
It's me.
It's me again. Oh.
-Nina!
- What am I like?
You should never
lead anyone on, Nina.
Ever.
Who was it?
Just a man at work.
Oh, an admirer?
No, it's the man from
the coffee man.
Erm, the coffee van man.
It's the coffee van man.
And we have this chemistry,
this frisson of sexual tension.
Andandand I have been
flirting with him a lot,
which is bad,
because I get bored at work.
So I just head over
to the coffee van
in my practical
but alluring dress,
and I pop a button
and squeeze my boobs together
really hard.
And I just do it
so that I can
I can feel something,
to feel alive.
Andand the worst part is,
is he's coming here tonight,
so
Nina, you shouldn't be
leading this poor boy on
just for your own amusement.
It's a terrible thing to do.
Yes, I know, Mum!
That's why I wrote it
in a confession square.
Nina.
You dark horse.
Evie?
Evie.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
It's just,
you don't seem fine
with the running to the toilet
and vomiting loudly.
Evie.
You wrote that truth,
didn't you?
Ugh!
You got me.
I've got a thing
for the Titsmarsh.
Are you OK?
It's nothing. I'm fine.
- You're allowed to be scared.
- I'm not scared!
Just stop worrying about me.
There's a man by the bar
asking for you.
What? Why?
No, not you.
You.
Go get it, girl.
Ah, the coffee van man.
Yeah.
You came.
Yeah.
And you brought a
Oh, this is
my old friend, Euan.
Great.
And he's here because?
Eh, III got the stuff
from him.
Um, yes.
And thenand then, um, I said
I was going to Rothesay,
and he says,
"I've never been to Rothesay."
Soso now Euan's here as well.
Cool.
Are you gonna
introduce us, Nina?
Yep.
Erm, this is Lee.
Hi.
This is his good friend, Euan,
who's also with us today.
This is my mother, Diane.
We've met.
And this is my sister, Evie.
Hello, boy.
And this is my
well, this is just Amber.
She's not my anything.
These are the drug dealers?
-Yes?
- Cool.
It's just, they look a bit
like massive nerds.
Yeah, well, try and keep
an open mind, Amber.
Sometimes people don't
look like their jobs, yeah?
Wow.
Boys in a hen do.
What will they think of next?
No one goes on all-girl
hen dos anymore, Diane.
It's passé.
Wait, this is a hen do?
Aren't there meant to be,
like, more girls?
This is all we need.
-Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah. This is all we need!
Right.
Who's getting the next round?
- Jaegerbomb, please.
- Oh.
- Gin and tonic, please.
- Right.
Can I get a glass
of tepid water?
Tepid, not warm.
Cool.
-Have you got that
- Yeah, yeah.
Let's get this party started!
Oblivion, here we come
Is that it?
Apparently.
Do we cut it up, Euan?
No.
I say
we should smoke this joint
right here, right now
in this pub.
Because we are young
and we are alive.
Or do you know
what we could do?
We could
oh, what if we went outside?
What?
Yeah.
-Yeah?
-Love that.
Yeah. Ten points.
Oh, no.
Nina, Nina, you stay with Mum.
- Oh, but I want to
- Mum needs you.
Oh, where did everyone go?
To smoke a big joint.
Oh, very good.
Nina, if you're
feeling anxious
Mum, let it go.
You're so focused on me,
you haven't even noticed
that your other daughter is
falling about
all over the place.
You know Evie's
on the other side of that wall
right now smoking drugs.
- Without me.
- Aww.
I'm glad
she's letting off steam.
I know
what's going on here, Nina.
If you're gonna have
a meltdown,
I think it might be better
if we just go outside.
I'm not having a meltdown.
This is not a meltdown.
I'mI'm merely annoyed.
Mum, I know
you're trying to help,
but the world is a bad
and horrible and stupid place,
and you cannae fix it.
You can teach me every
coping mechanism under the sun,
but if you can't cope
with me coping,
then it's not gonna work.
I'm so sorry, Wheat Puff.
I thought
becoming a psychotherapist
would help me
to understand you.
You became a psychotherapist
because of me?
Yes.
Fuck.
I know.
What do you want me to do?
Treat me like a grown-up.
OK.
How do I do that?
I don't know.
Oh, it's tricky, isn't it?
♪
Glorious.
Go on.
No. No.
I'm under pressure ♪
Where is my face at? ♪
I'm under pressure ♪
Your friend seems
to have cheered up.
Yeah.
There must be something
in the tepid water.
Did he eat
the rest of the drugs?
Look, Nina,
I'm gonna level with you.
I don't really know the guy.
Like, he used to deal
back at uni,
but when I said
I was going to Rothesay,
he just kind of
invited himself along.
And when we were on the ferry,
he started talking about
how he doesn't really believe
in gravity.
What?
Yeah.
That's kind of the level of guy
we're dealing with here.
But, umbut it looks like
he's having fun,
and it's worked out
all right, yeah?
He's dancing with my mum.
I know. I know.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Word on the street is,
you can bring in your own chips
before 11:00.
Cool.
Do you want to go get
some chips with me, Nina?
All right.
♪
Nina, you
Is this a second date?
Uh, I meanwell, let's see.
- We have a pub.
- Mm-hmm.
- Beer.
- Mm.
A nice girl,
a depressed drug dealer,
and your mum.
Classic second date.
I'm sorry my mum's here.
Oh, no.
Your mum's cool.
I wish my mum cared that much.
I'm sorry.
Oh, don't be. No.
I moved away from home
a long time ago.
And now I sell coffee out a van
and live opposite the best
chippie in Clover Street.
So who's laughing now?
You.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Leslie was never
big enough for me anyway.
Who's Leslie?
Oh, that
that's where I'm from.
Lee from Leslie.
- That's me.
- Mm-hmm.
So if you could go
anywhere in the world,
where would you go?
Glasgow.
Anywhere in the world.
Glasgow.
OK.
Anywhere except Glasgow.
The Isle of Wight.
Wow. Why?
There's this lady called
Dr. Catherine Dunne,
and, erm, she's discovered
these armored dinosaurs
that are probably, like,
145 million years old.
- What?
- And they're gonna change
the landscape
of British dinosaur discourse.
And she posted this thing for
sorry, I'm talking too much.
No. Erm, keep going.
Keep going.
She posted this thing
looking for people
to go to the Isle of Wight
and work with her,
and I applied.
Right.
So if you, ermif you got it,
would you go?
Yeah.
No.
I don't know.
Choices are hard.
Yeah.
I mean, there's a lot
to stay in Glasgow for.
Well, my parents and my job
and all of my pens
are in Glasgow.
- Yeah.
- And my sister.
And my sister's wedding.
And the wedding's coming up,
and I'm the maid of honor.
And it's gonna be a whole day
of everybody pretending.
Andand I don't know
what to do with my face
'cause I never know
what to do with my face.
And my mum keeps saying, "Nina,
Nina, you have to tell me.
"Are you bringing a plus-one,
because I need to know
for the seating arrangements."
I don't know.
Do you want to be my plus-one?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll be
your plus-one, Nina.
Send me the details.
I will.
Don't forget.
Shan't.
Oh, youyou've got a little
do you want
can I just touch your face?
Mm-hmm.
♪
♪
Evie!
Oh, shit.
♪
What is pegging?
♪
So far, so good ♪
You see ♪
It's fine, it's fine ♪
The signs that ♪
I am floating 'round here ♪
It's fine,
it's fine, it's fine ♪