Dog with a Blog (2012) s01e04 Episode Script

So, a new family bought the house across the street.
I marked that property so many times, It should be mine.
Apparently my urine's not legally binding.
Still, I was very excited to meet our new neighbors.
Whoo-hoo! Someone's here! Someone's coming! Oh, they're on the path! They're approaching the door! What is it with you dogs and getting so worked up every time someone comes to the door? What, do you think you're so exciting I don't need a little variety? Hello.
Are you a confused girl who's here to see my father, Or a confused girl who's here to see my brother? Excuse me? I'm sorry.
My father is a child psychologist, and my brother just likes confused girls.
I'm Nikki Ortiz.
Avery Jennings.
I just moved here from El Salvador, and I'm going door to door introducing myself to my neighbors.
Oh, that's so sweet And dangerous.
Nikki Ortiz-- smart, beautiful There's only one way she could be more perfect.
Come on in.
I love your country.
People offer me food and trips to the beach, and wherever I go, young men keep giving me their phone numbers and email addresses.
Yes, americans are very open with personal information.
Ahh, she smells so good, I can't believe she's not bacon.
I'm sorry, this is just Stan's way of welcoming you to our house.
He's so cute! Thanks.
We just got him groomed.
I have a dog myself.
I even know a special spot to scratch behind the ears.
Right, the mythical doggy sweet spot.
Like that even exists.
Hot kibble with gravy, it does exist! Oh, yeah! Yeah, scratch my brains out! Dog With a Blog S01E04 Wingstan You did great today, Rob.
Thanks, Dr.
James.
I'll see you next week.
I know that boy's been here a lot.
How's to going?.
Well, without betraying the doctor patient confidentiality by telling you his problem-- stealing-- I would say we are making good progress.
Oh, well, great.
Celebratory coffee cake? Oh, I think I have time to reward myself with-- He stole my watch! I don't deserve coffee cake.
Daddy! Daddy, daddy! Can you talk to my class about your job on career day? Oh, you must be proud your daddy's job, huh, sweetie? Yeah, give me that cake.
Daddy, what kind of socks you're going to bring to my class? Socks? Why would I bring socks? 'cause you're a "Sock-ologist.
" Take the cake.
Sweetie, I'm a psychologist, not a "Sock-ologist.
" I solve people's problems.
Why? Daddy helps people, honey.
Yeah, I'm a Well, I'm like a superhero.
Yay! Daddy's a superhero! Cake.
Daddy, have you seen my teddy bear? I had it before that boy left.
Such a lovely tour, Avery.
Thank you.
Oh, no problem.
You're gonna love Pasadena.
Especially new year's day and the rose parade.
If you camp out the night before, you can get really good seats.
Oh, that sounds so nice to have seats.
I have to stand and wave from a float.
They asked me to be rose queen.
Wow.
That's amazing.
You know, one year, I actually got to glue gardenias onto the Sierra Madre burro and have my picture taken with Pasadena comptroller Madge Gimmelstop.
Evita, be polite.
No, it's okay.
She's so cute.
I can't wait for our dog's to meet.
Hey, Stan, come here.
A friend! I can't believe it! A friend! Is there a mute button on this thing? Stan, I'd like you to meet Evita.
Evita, I would like you to meet a truck.
They're going to be the best of friends, no? No.
Hey, Stan.
Hey, Avery.
Hi, I'm Tyler.
Here's my phone number and email address.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Nikki Ortiz.
I just moved here from El Salvador.
Well, that explains why you're so "El salv-adorable.
" Here, I'll just take that for you.
Get away from me.
You're not getting my email address! Uh, Nikki, maybe we could walk our dogs in the park sometime? Okay.
No, you don't have to do that.
You're the rose queen.
Just say good-bye and use the parade float wave.
Screw in the light bulb, screw in the light bulb.
That sounds like fun.
Screw in the light bulb.
I'll get ready and meet you in an hour.
Okay, but if "Get ready" means more body spray, you are already very ready.
Come, Evita.
I can't believe you think you have a shot with Nikki.
You're in way over your hair in this one.
Please tell me you are not gonna take me to the park with that yapping pomeranian.
Look, Stan, I'm gonna need you to be my wingman here.
Do you know what a wingman is? If you're talking about chicken, I like where this is going.
A wingman is a guy who helps you get the girl by spending time with her annoying friend.
He makes the ultimate sacrifice for his buddy.
Wow, that sounds crazy noble.
I'm in! All right! Yes! Yeah! Well, that's odd.
Look, I don't mind taking one for you here, but if Evita becomes unbearable, we need a signal to end this.
I'll just start barking like crazy.
Okay, okay, I get it.
But come on, Stan.
Evita's really not that bad.
You're right.
I'll give her a chance.
Wow, Stan, you're really excited to see her.
No, that was the signal! Hey, Nikki.
You smell great.
What's that perfume you're wearing? My skin.
It's like you took a bath in "Awesome" and powdered yourself with "Wow.
" You are so funny! You make me jiggle! You mean "Giggle.
" No, I mean "Jiggle.
" It's how I laugh.
Would I be a bad wingman if I ate her? So, remember how excited Chloe got when you said you were like a superhero? Well, she told her whole class that you are a superhero and that that's what you're coming in to talk about.
Oh, that's funny.
Really? Yeah.
Chloe, can you come in here? Her teacher thought it was funny, too.
In fact, she couldn't stop laughing at the thought of you as a superhero.
Apparently she saw you run that time at the school picnic.
Hey, when the bees are coming at your face, you do this.
Bees! Chloe, come back! There are no bees! Come here.
Sweetie, I'm not a superhero.
What I do do is help children-- Children with feelings they don't understand or problems they can't solve-- And I make them feel better.
You said "Doo-doo.
" This was so much fun! I'm glad we walked our dogs together.
Please don't tell me you use your dog like this to charn all the senior-itas.
No way, you're special.
I've never done this before.
Not with senior-itas, "junior-itas," or "sophomore-itas.
" I think the dogs had a good time.
But why is stan digging a hole over there? It looks about the size of Evita.
What? Dogs dig holes.
It's perfectly normal.
So, I'd like to do this again sometime.
Me, too.
I'll text you later.
Come on, Evita.
So close! Thanks, wingman.
You really came through for me.
Just get me out of this park as fast as you can.
If I never come back here, it'll be too-- oh, my dog! She puts the "Oodle" In "Poodle.
" Tyler, you gotta take me over there.
She's magnificent! Look how much ankle she's showing.
Oh, no way! The girl with that poodle is Christie.
We can't go over there.
Why not? Hi, Tyler! Tyler! Tyler! Tyler, tyler, tyler! That's why not.
She's the most annoying girl at school! Really? Annoying? Where have I heard that before? Tyler! Tyler! Tyler! Tyler! I thought the wingman was supposed to spend time with the annoying friend.
I took a hit for you, man.
Now it's your turn.
Dude, that's not a hit, that's a bus falling on my head! The wingman code.
You're right.
The wingman code.
Hey, Christie.
What's up? This is so fun to see you with our dogs.
This is so fun.
This is so fun! I don't hear a signal.
Let's be our dogs.
That's fun! I gotta go now, but let's totally hang sometime.
Tuesday? Tuesday, Tuesday? All right, Tuesday it is.
Mandy, come.
Don't forget! Tuesday! Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday! We're gonna need a bigger hole.
Check this out.
If you mistype "I'm popping popcorn," It'll auto-correct to say "I'm pooping popcorn.
" Yeah, not so funny when it actually happens to you.
I was butt scooting for days.
Nikki just texted and she wants to walk her dog with us again on Tuesday.
"Y-e-s.
" Uh, are you forgetting we have a prior with Christie and Mandy on Tuesday? Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday! You gotta cancel Nikki.
I can't cancel Nikki! The wingman code.
Okay, honor is honor.
I'll just lie to Nikki.
Yes! "Nikki, can't go Tuesday.
Have to study to pass some horrible class.
" - Happy now? - Uh, very.
You just texted Nikki that you "Have to pass some horrible gas.
" This bench was named for my grandmother.
She fell off a bridge.
Did she fall or was she pushed? Tyler? You lied to me.
Give me a minute.
Hurry, hurry.
I brought egg salad.
It's got coriander! You said you couldn't meet with me Tuesday.
You also said, "I never use my dog to charm other girls.
" And to think I was so concerned about your horrible gas! Look, Nikki, I can explain everything, okay? This all because I promised my dog I would be his wingman so he and that dog could be together.
I was just doing what my dog wanted.
You must think I'm thick in the cabeza! No, I think you have a fantastic cabeza! Tyler, come look! I've got ants stuck in my sunscreen! And I've been trying to apologize, but Nikki won't return my calls.
I tried texting her that I'm really sorry and ended up telling her that "I'm really shirley.
" Well, shirley, that would explain the hair.
Avery, I've been thinking I should tell her Stan can talk so he can explain why I was with that other girl.
What?! Well, I don't see any other choice.
I've been turning it over in my head all day.
Oh, that's what that noise was.
I thought the washing machine was broken.
I'm being serious.
So am I.
You can't tell her Stan can talk.
Just move on to the next girl like you always do.
No, but-but Nikki isn't like other girls.
And I'm not just talking about her cabeza.
I like what's up here.
Cabeza means "Head.
" Oh, then some of my other texts do not make sense either.
Come on, Avery.
I've never felt this way about anyone.
What can I do to prove it to you? Okay, I'll do anything.
Just name it.
The whole head? Totally bald.
And if I do this, you'll let me reveal Stan's secret? That's the deal.
Fine If it'll show you how much Nikki means to me.
No, stop! You didn't have to do that! I was just testing you! You couldn't have told me that two seconds ago?! No, no, it's okay, it's okay.
It's really not that bad.
Look, we can't divulge Stan's secret, but I can see how much this means to you.
So I'll talk to Nikki, okay? I promise I'll make this right with her.
You can get her to forgive me for the lie? I think I can.
Of course, it's really not gonna matter once she sees your hair.
Shh.
There, there.
Daddy, it's not too late to go home.
The janitor told me he could pretend to be my daddy after he cleans the toilets.
Honey, I'm gonna make you proud.
Good morning.
I'm Bennett James, Chloe's dad.
As a psychologist, I utilize specialized therapeutic techniques designed to offer behavior modifications for a wide range of organic and social personality disorders.
Hey, who has a personality disorder? Daddy, socks! Show them your socks! Don't worry, sweetie, I got this.
Kids, psychologists help you with your emotional boo-boos.
Some kids get sad because daddy or mommy is away on business all the time.
Or they can't make friends.
Or they always get picked last for the team.
And if you bunch them up before you put your toes in, they're a lot easier to pull up! I found my real daddy.
Don't worry, kids! I'll save you! Super mom is here, and my super power is making it rain delicious treats! And here's my sidekick Sock man! Thank you.
Daddy, take me with you.
Avery, your flower is beautiful.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, yours is pretty good, too.
Is there anything that you can't do? Well, I have never been able to whistle.
You now you need to use your tongue, right? Well, I guess now I can do everything.
Uh, like forgive Tyler.
Except that.
Come on, Nikki.
I think there's more to this than you realize.
What? I can't tell you.
You are just as bad as he is! Don't say that! I am nowhere near as bad as he is! He lies, and you keep secrets.
I thought you were my friend.
And no one does the light-bulb wave anymore.
It's figure eight, so you can get both sides of the street.
Good-bye! No, Nikki, wait! I am your friend! Didn't I teach you to whistle?! You're crazy! Tyler's crazy! Your whole family is crazy! No, no, we're not! We're a perfectly normal family! It's sock man! And super mom! My real dad's a janitor.
No, Nikki, wait! I'm only sticking up for Tyler because he had a very good reason for saying what he did.
For lying that his dog told him to be with another girl? Look, it wasn't a lie.
I'm only telling you this because I don't wanna lose you as a friend.
There's a secret we've never told anyone.
Even our parents don't know.
Stan did tell Tyler to be with that girl.
Tyler knows it because, um Tyler's a dog whisperer.
Tyler communicates with dogs? Okay, that's just too crazy.
No, I know it seems that way, but I can prove it.
Okay, Tyler, when Nikki gets here, you'll be blindfolded and I'll show stan a couple of objects.
He'll "Whisper" to you what they are by whispering to you what they are.
And you'll identify the objects because, well, you're a dog whisperer.
Yes! And then Nikki will know I wasn't lying.
And she'll be my friend again! So what do I get out of all this? You can lick in between my toes after my next hike.
I thought we weren't gonna tell people about that.
She's here! Hey, Nikki, we are ready to show you that Tyler can communicate with Stan.
I am just gonna hold up a few objects here and-- No.
If you want to prove to me that Tyler can talk to dogs, have him talk to Evita.
She's weak and she won't eat.
You can find out what's wrong with her, no? Of course he can.
- Uh, Avery, can I just talk to you for a second? - Yeah.
- We'll be right back.
- Okay.
This will just take a second.
I will now find out what's wrong with Evita.
Help us.
I smell something.
She has a bur in her paw.
How do I tell Tyler? She's, uh It's the paw.
There's something in her paw.
Uh, she's screwing in a light bulb! Uh, she wants to be the rose queen! Okay, charades are out.
Plan B.
"There's a bun in her pan.
" Give me a break, okay? I'm writing fast and I don't have thumbs.
This is ridiculous.
We are leaving.
No, no, no, wait.
He can figure this out.
Okay, uh I'm getting something.
I'm getting something.
I'm getting a phone call.
Dude, there's a bur in her paw.
Dude, there's a bur in her paw! Yes, there is! That was amazing! I got it out.
Put it back in! Put it back in! Evita and I will never forget this.
Mostly because it was weird.
I'm sorry I called you both liars.
I would never lie to you, Nikki.
Unless I had a very good reason.
Tyler, it really was amazing.
Bravo.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
He-he donates strips of his hair to men who can't grow beards! Oh, that is so sweet! I have three uncles who can't grow beards.
Will you help them? So once again, I had my bro's back.
That's why there's no greater honor than being a wingman.
Just like Tyler helped out Nikki's uncles.
I got a little something out of it, too.
You two wait right here.
I'll be right back with some froyo fo' yo'.
So he really doesn't study socks? Nope.
Then what does he do for a job? He makes kids cry and then gives them treats.
Is there much of a living in that? I mean, how can he afford our beautiful house? My mom's a superhero.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Rob, you come back with those! All right, I'll see you next Friday.