Dogs in Space (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

[dogs screaming]
[ship crashes]
Dig this
We're the last hope of the human race ♪
Embark on a journey ♪
Into outer space ♪
Blast off, there's no going back
We're on our way ♪
Dogs in Space! ♪
Woo! ♪
Dogs in Space! ♪
You ready for your
next galactic adventure, girl?
- Ready as I'll ever be, Captain!
- [yelps]
How long have you been there?
Long enough to see you talking
to an inanimate object.
Clear the way! Coming through!
Oh, uh, yeah.
The Council said I can't keep it.
[alien growls]
Captain, I'm worried
the internal coupler line
is dangerously close to
Not now, Chonies. Where's Ed?
Did he fall asleep in the Hydrant?
[grunts] No,
I didn't fall asleep anywhere.
- [thud]
- [sniffs] Didn't shower anywhere either.
Don't smell shame me! [grunts]
Hi, Loaf, it's me, you.
If you're listening to this,
you're still alive
despite what that fortune cookie said!
You're such a good boy!
[yelps]
It's just me.
Oh, how reassuring!
Don't stress. I just got off retraining.
No funny business today.
We're going to follow protocol so hard,
you won't even need to use this.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
You should go get that. Protocol.
Okay, bye.
[sighs]
[sniffing]
[sniffing]
[gasps]
[pants]
Never deprive yourself
of life's little joys.
Well, can't argue with me.
Ah!
Are you here for the tour, too?
Oh, um,
no, I I work here.
Oh, so you're our Tour Captain?
Totally charmed, dude!
- Wait, you don't understand!
- I want to feed a space eel!
I was looking for chips!
- Can we steer the ship?
- a misunderstanding here! Ooh!
[Loaf wails]
[screams]
Hey, Chelsea, Garbage here.
I know you're not short of reasons
to be proud of me,
but I heroically rescued
a stranded space dog named Kira.
She's kinda terrifying,
but in a cool way.
P.R.A.T.S. never told us she was out here.
Weird, right?
Did they tell you about her?
Anyway, I'm about to fetch you
an awesome new planet.
So, see you soon. Love you!
- [Stella chuckles]
- [gasps] Wow.
- Yes!
- Wow!
Why is the sun being so loud?
[Chonies] Oh!
This planet's conditions appear suitable
for every Earth species.
[gasps] Does that mean no more exploring?
Yep. If this planet is the one,
which it obviously is,
then we can [cries] finally,
f finally I just
Like, I just can't believe it's really
[cries]
[sighs sadly]
Okay, everyone!
Get ready to fill your lungs
with the sweet summer air
of our brand-new home!
I mean, really breathe in the moment.
[inhales, gags]
[everyone gags]
My nostril is uh
Ugh! Oh! Oh!
Raise the ramp! Raise the ramp!
- It reeks!
- Oh Oh, my
[groans in pain]
Try to breathe through your mouths!
Nope! Now I can taste it!
- Try to breathe through your eyes!
- [Nomi groans] Okay. [belch]
It smells like the leg-cast [gags]
my owner wore for seven years
so he could
continue collecting disability!
Abandon planet! [gags]
Abandon planet! [groans]
Guys! If the smell is [gags]
the only issue,
all we need to do is find the source.
Chonies, you got any tech
that can shield us from the stink?
Of course, Captain,
I think I have just the thing.
[everyone gags, groans]
This is your big idea?
Chonies, you're fired!
I did my best!
Whew.
Oh, snap! It's a quasar.
I gotta get a pic!
This is the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen!
And I've seen loads of things.
Focus, Loaf. You can do this.
Remember your training.
Okay, Loaf, you sit here
and press this button
to talk to the Pluto.
Easiest job on the M-Bark.
Unlike piloting a ship,
where pressing even one wrong button
can lead to everyone's fiery deaths!
Also, you don't need a briefcase.
Okay, these dogs are counting on you.
If they find out
you aren't their Captain
- You're not the captain?
- What?
No, no. I I am. I am.
[in a deep voice]
Uh It's good to feel the space
on my face again.
Chonies Any luck finding the [gags]
The gag? I mean, the source? [gags]
The stench seems to be coming
from everywhere, Captain. Ugh.
Let's stop for a breather, gang.
Oh, I stopped breathing a long time ago.
[sharp exhale, sharp inhale]
I feel like we're being watched. [gasps]
[everyone wails]
Whoa!
[Nomi yells]
[everyone yells]
- [Chonies retches]
- [Ed retches]
I think we may have found
the source of the smell.
Whoa! Talking things!
I thought you guys
were an eyebrow hair. [laughs]
Finally, company!
No offense, Stoneface Sam.
All right, first ever two sided convo.
Here we go. [clears throat, exhales]
I'm fine, thanks. How are you?
[everyone retches]
[retches] Oh, we're good.
You seem good! [laughs]
I mean, I'm not sure what
that adorable little like [retch] is,
that [retch], I don't know what that is,
but but but I assume
it's something like wise and polite.
Huh. I don't feel
like old pizza crust anymore.
In fact, I feel great. It's the goo.
This is gonna make me rich!
Ed's Revitalizing Space Tonic:
Feel like a 100 bucks for only 200 bucks!
Anyway, I'm Captain Garbage of the Pluto.
What's your name?
Great question!
[retches]
What's my name?
You're gooey, so [gags] Gooey?
[gasps] It's perfect.
My name is Gooey! [laughs]
It's Gooey! [laughs]
Gooey! Gooey! Gooey! Gooey!
I love it. Oh, what's my name? Gooey!
Oh, okay, table for two, please.
- Are all of your missions this bizarre?
- Name is Gooey. [laughs] Gooey!
It varies.
And we are now entering
a galaxy called [screams]
The Creamy Way.
All I see is dark.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, this tour blows.
- Are we sure this guy is the Captain?
- [laughs nervously]
[computer] Automatic flight mode disabled.
- [everyone screams]
- He's really not the Captain!
So what brings you cuties here?
Well Gooey, we are on a mission
to find a new [gags]
Home for all
of Earth's wonderful creatures,
including but not limited to
ourselves and humans.
Humans, huh?
No idea what they are,
but they sound terrific.
You think they'd want to live here
with me?
Well, the thing is [gags]
Humans kind of have an anti-stink.
tion! Stinction!
They are anti-extinction.
Our planet's dying
and we need somewhere to live pronto.
Oh, no!
But we're not sure this planet
is right for them, so [gags]
[exclaims] Okay, bye!
No, wait!
Ugh, sorry, it's just
Um, You don't know how incredible
this planet is yet.
I know it inside and out. Literally!
It's basically my shell.
Why don't I give my new buddies a tour?
Oh [gags]
you really don't have to.
I know, but I I want to, okay?
Plus, I'm I'm very [sigh]
what's the word for when you wish
the planet you're living on is haunted
so that you can make friends with ghosts?
Loneliness.
No, not that.
The The one where you spend
six hours shouting into a cave
'cause an echo is the closest thing
you're ever going to get
to a conversation.
Loneliness.
No. It's more like when you're all alone
and it makes you feel sad.
Loneliness, trust me.
Oh, wait, I remember, alone-liness.
There's Fruittastic Forest,
the perfect place to unwind
after a long day of relaxing.
[gags] Or a long day of gagging.
And there's Crystal Clear Cove,
the perfect place to relax
after a long day of unwinding.
- [everyone gags]
- [gagging] It's really beautiful.
And you'll have it all to yourselves,
except for me of course,
because I'm stuck here forever [laughs]
no matter how much I dream of leaving.
So when do you want to move in?
[Stella gags]
Look, Gooey, your planet [gags]
seems almost perfect but
It smells terrible!
This odor will haunt me
for the rest of my life.
It's like if a rotten fish
crawled out of a decaying turtle,
jumped into a store
and was sprayed by one thousand skunks!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[vomits]
Wow.
- [everyone screams]
- [Oliver] Whoa!
[everyone grunts, screams]
[Loaf grunts]
- [pants]
- Whoa! [grunts]
[Bucky] Hey, Captain!
My seat belt's stuck!
He's not the Captain, bruh!
I'm not the Captain!
[gasps] Fake Captain, behind you!
[screams]
Well, I hadn't even noticed the smell.
Gosh, where is it coming from?
You have any ideas?
I don't see
a garbage can around or anything.
Wait, is it me?
[everyone gags, groans]
It is! Oh, I feel terrible!
- I am so, so sorry!
- [everyone gags, groans]
Yeah, no, we get it.
Just please stop apologizing.
We'll keep exploring the universe.
We love it! That's what we do!
But what if you don't find
a new planet in time?
Ugh! If I could leave
and let you guys stay, I definitely would.
I would love to explore the great unknown.
- [everyone gags, groans]
- Well, what if we gave you our ship?
The Pluto could be your new shell,
then you could leave.
[gasps] Deal!
No, Garbage. This is Gooey's home.
[gags, coughs]
You're right. It is his home
and he can offer it to us if he wants.
Doesn't mean we should take it.
Who are we to stop the slug
from doing what he wants to do?
How would you like it
if someone kicked you out of your home?
- It's a win, win, win
- That's not the point.
Okay team, uh, dog huddle?
It pains me to say it, but
[inhales] Garbage is right.
Oh, yeah! All right! Uh-huh!
Oh, yeah! Take that! [sings] All right!
Gooey offered to leave, that means
- Saving humans
- [Captain Garbage vocalizes]
- who also have no issues
- [Captain Garbage] Oh, yeah!
kicking innocent beings
out of their natural habitats.
Maybe he wants to see the galaxy,
charter the unknown,
make friends across the universe.
That's better
than being stuck here, right?
Hmm. Yeah, it does sound better.
So many of the planets we visited
could be suitable for Gooey.
- It's what I really want.
- [everyone shouts, gags]
I want to explore!
Sorry to eavesdrop [chuckles]
you're standing on my ear.
[Ed gags]
This is impossible.
Gooey is literally
the size of this planet.
Wait, do you need me to be smaller?
Check this out.
[straining]
[continues straining]
Ta-da!
[Nomi grunts]
[grunts]
Uh, team, I'm leaving with Gooey.
[gasps] What? Nomi, you can't!
We found a planet, Captain,
our mission's over.
It's like you said,
"Exploring the galaxy
is better than being stuck in one place."
Even if you're stuck here with us?
Well, I don't want to be stuck anywhere.
But but what about the smell?
I'm [gags]
getting used to it. [gags]
But we don't want you to leave.
I'll come back. I love you guys.
I'm just not ready to settle down yet.
I'm sorry.
As your Captain,
I command you to come back and visit us,
and as your friend [grunts]
Be safe out there, you little rascal.
Never! [laughs]
Mm! Hey, if you run into an alien
that looks like a fedora
with an elephant trunk,
don't tell her where I'm at.
I owe her a lot of money.
Living life for yourself,
- attagirl.
- [both gasp]
One last order:
message Loaf on the Pluto,
tell him to let the Council know
we found our home.
Aye, aye, Captain.
[clears throat] "Friends, we did it.
We triumphed where all others failed.
We stood on our own two hind legs
- and rose to the occasion
- Hey!
- What is happening?
- heroically saving Earth!
We spat in the face of danger!
- We put on"
- Uh, yeah and danger is about to spit back
right in our faces!
Captain, the planet is dying!
We Say what?
[shouts]
- This is Stella, do you read?
- Chonies to Nomi, come in!
The planet is shriveling up! [gasps]
Gooey's moisture
must have been keeping it alive.
Hey! You better pay me back for that.
[grunts]
- [clamoring]
- [Stella] Don't make me punch you! Sit!
Ugh. Fine.
[button beeps]
Well, I know which button
activates the wipers.
That's a start, right?
Hey, is that a wishing star?
No, that's not a wishing star.
That's an emergency Pluto flare.
[gasps] That's an emergency Pluto flare,
they must be in danger!
Well, Gigi, your wish just came true,
your real Captain has arrived.
It's me.
TOUR GUIDE
Well, I guess spending my final moments
with you weirdos
beats dying alone.
I'm just glad that Nomi got out of here
before it was too late.
[dramatic music playing]
- [record scratches, music stops]
- Ew! Chonies,
your paw is so clammy!
No offense, but that's not the last thing
I want to feel before I die.
That's an M-Bark pod! We're saved!
[grunts]
[Stella] Loaf?
Huh. Would never have called that.
Hey, it's Loaf.
I'm not at my station right now
because I try to maintain
a work-life balance. Beep!
Loaf, we found a planet!
The mission is accomplished!
Sending coordinates now.
Goodbye, old friend.
Okay, new friend. Let's go!
I love having a friend.
Do you think you'll miss your friends?
I know I will. They're awesome.
Eh, I've only known them for 14 dog years.
That's only most of my life.
[laughs nervously]
- Gooey, do you think I'm making a mistake?
- Yep.
I mean [scoffs] I don't know.
I want to explore space,
but mainly to make new friends
like the ones you have.
Wow. Questions are hard.
But when humans come, they'll make me live
in a stuffy house with stuffy rules
and every day
will be stuffy, stuffy, stuffy!
I can't go back to that.
Hey, I haven't known you for long,
but I don't think
anyone could hold you back
from living your own life.
You know, for someone
who's only ever spoken to echoes,
you're very intuitive.
[chuckles] Let's go back.
My friends! No! [cries]
[Captain Garbage] Hey, Nomi! On your left.
[gasps]
- Yes!
- Woo-hoo!
Yay! My new friends didn't die!
Well, I guess this is goodbye, Gooey.
Well, it was nice adventuring with you
for a half an hour or so [chuckles]
But like the old saying goes,
there's no place like being trapped
in my planet alone forever.
[sighs]
Mind if I just gaze out
at the Galaxy one last time
before you put me back?
Hmm. I know, I'm sorry, Gooey.
I wish we had a different
[gasps] ship to give you!
That's it!
I love you guys!
I have no idea where I'm going!
Worst tour ever.
[outro theme music playing]