Don't Even (2024) s01e04 Episode Script
Leave Mojo Out of It
JAY: Got you a little something.
For you, babe.
Great.
Another gas station rose.
[Harley sighs]
JAY: Oh!
Testy, testy!
Okay, Seal.
You can't just roll in
all "Kiss from a Rose"
after you peaced
for a whole week!
Babe, you know I'd rather
be with you, but
[pager beeps]
When duty calls,
I gotta answer.
That the girl who called
into Uncle Sizzle's
from your phone number?
That's why you're wigging?
Babe, my cuz Steph
ordered the 'za.
She comes over
to watch Monday Night Raw.
Yeah, I bet.
You know,
I've never even seen your place.
Are you serious right now?
It took you until now to even
invite me over to Violet's.
That's because I never know
when you're free
or where the fuck you even are!
Wow.
You can't be a private eye
if everyone knows where you are
all the time!
That's kind of
the point of the job.
You got trust issues, man.
Big time.
Yeah?
And what's that
supposed to mean?
It means
you gotta chill, okay?
You sound paranoid.
Are you clowning me?
Geez!
You gotta trust me, Sluggo.
I'm not going anywhere.
Okay?
[pager beeping]
Look, this time's different.
I'll make it back in time
for your mom's birthday thing.
I'll meet Shelley.
Older ladies love me, okay?
You'll see.
[playing electric guitar
and keyboard beat]
♪
You almost done or what?
You're all over the recording!
My bad.
Harley, if you're gonna be
in here, you gotta be quiet.
Okay.
Fuckin' Louie
the Lightning Bug over here.
Oh!
- [all exclaiming]
- Oh my God!
- Fock! Ohh!
- Are you okay?
HARLEY: Friggin' cords
everywhere!
SHOWBOAT: Oh, it won't turn on!
No, no, no, no!
My dad's gonna freak!
- Is the tape okay?
- I don't know!
Well, did you try
blowing on it?
It's not a Nintendo cartridge.
SHELLEY: [upstairs]
Hey!
Everyone's here!
Get your arses upstairs.
You go.
I'ma try and fix this.
Okay.
Like, get some frickin'
traffic cones going down here
- or some shit.
- Come on.
HARLEY: Who put that there?
That's so stupid!
Whatever, don't act like
you never sat on my Talk Girl.
Okay, remember?
I turned it on,
and it was all "grrrrrrrawaaa."
So let's just
call it even, okay?
Whoa.
Look who made a cake
with aspartame.
Special for the elders.
Who did?
WESLEY: Her.
Who "her"?
Um, my girl.
Um Donn
Um
Dongle.
Your girl
"Dongle"?
Yeah, um
Yeah, it's just-- it's not--
it's it's
Just whatever.
You wouldn't get it.
Who the hell is she?
VIOLET: Dongle, I suppose.
HARLEY: As if
she brought a cake.
Hey!
You're not an Elder!
THE FOX: I'm elder than you.
So what?
We're just letting
anyone in here now?
SHELLEY: Harley!
Harley?
Hey, just checking in.
Oh
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's still nice that we can
have a meal together today, hey?
Mm-hm.
Your mom would've been 40.
She loved her birthday.
Yeah.
So, I found her very first
piece of beadwork
when I was cleaning out
my closet.
HARLEY: My God,
why'd she make a basketball?
SHELLEY: [laughs]
It's supposed to be a flower.
Yeah, she got all mukabee
when it didn't turn out.
It's so busted.
Yeah, 'cause Hildy was
a slack beader just like you.
Come here, I'll put it--
Shelley, it's okay.
Um
Why don't you just
hold onto it for me?
[sighs]
I'll just lose it.
Okay.
WANDA: Famous soup
coming through!
VIOLET: Hey.
This is for that boy
who messed with your hoo-hoo.
- Don't--
- Shhh!
It worked on Dale, okay?
Everything's in the pouch.
Thanks, Auntie.
Hey! Pay attention!
Okay, you go into a dark room
and you mix everything together,
and then you put it in a bush.
At night!
That's it, problem solved.
He'll never bother you again.
Thanks, Auntie.
Oh, no problem.
Don't even think about it!
[scoffs]
This is some bullshit!
WANDA: Hey
Do you think I can take some
Tylenol and wikkaii root
together?
I don't know.
Geez.
Some doctor you're gonna make.
SHELLEY: Make your mom
a spirit plate?
HARLEY: Okay.
Um
"The past is more
than a memory."
JT said that.
Justin Timberlake?
John Trudell!
Oh
[under her breath]
Timberlake
VIOLET: That's a monstrous
spirit plate.
And I thought she liked
salt and vinegar chips.
SHELLEY: It was ketchup.
'Cause it's like the red road.
Eh?
[all chuckle]
SHELLEY: Do it
your own way, my girl.
[rock music playing
on radio in background]
THE FOX: Ah
Busted mixer, eh?
Rocking too hard?
[laughs]
I've been there myself.
Yeah, me and Violet were
in the middle of laying a riff.
We make a dece duo.
Oh!
Like Billy Ray and his mullet.
- Sure.
- Which one are you?
The mullet?
Billy Ray!
[both laugh]
I don't know!
You know, me and Shakes Mackay
from The Shadows
were the dream team
back in the day.
I know!
Neechie rock legends.
Yeah.
Those were the best times
of my life.
Yeah.
So, when did you know
you weren't gonna make it big?
What? You think
I'm not gonna make it big?
No, no, no, no, no!
Never mind! Sorry.
Listen.
I can fix this for you.
If you go on a mission for me.
Can I talk to you for a second?
One second.
So how'd you two meet?
Uh
the bus.
Ha-ha! The bus!
And what better place
to bring a rando from the bus
than family dinner?
Oh, see, she's not a random.
We've got a connection.
Hm, you sure?
Sorry, what did you say
her name was again?
Dingle, you said?
Oh!
Dongle, my apologies.
Yo, Dongle!
WESLEY: [quietly]
Don't!
Real strong connection
between the two of you.
Where's your man at, huh?
I mean,
I'd love to meet him again.
He's on his way.
I actually just paged him.
- You just paged him?
- Mm-hm. I did.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
No-show, huh?
SHELLEY: Wesley.
Come help me give out bannock.
Make sure you save a piece
for Ronald McDongle.
Drop it!
Get away from that phone!
And don't come back.
[buttons beeping]
[grunts]
Call me back, jerkwad!
What the hell was that?
Stop stirring shit.
Don't even!
You're the shit-stirrer.
Trying to make me jealous.
Why do you even care?
I don't.
Who you bringing
to the round dance, huh?
I heard there's a lot of real
nice ladies at the laundromat.
What?
[sighs]
I don't know about this.
Remember that time
you "fixed" the lawnmower?
Took off on its own
and ran over a squirrel.
[laughs]
He walked it off.
Barely!
Fine!
Just his tail!
Mission accomplished!
Ohhh!
Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Here we go, here we gooo!
- Enjoy!
- Oh, I will, I will, I will.
Mmm.
Oh
Eugh
- Dude no!
- Eugh, eugh!
VIOLET: Come on!
That's my university catalogue!
THE FOX: Who made this?
It tastes like battery acid!
[machine whirs]
Oh!
He fixed it!
- Thanks!
- Thanks, Uncle.
Okay, if we power through,
we can rough the bridge
and do vocals.
Sweet, okay.
I'm still working on the lyrics,
but I really like what you did
with the chorus.
I just need something else.
Oh, the words'll come!
We'll be done in time for Stinky
& the Man's Battle of The Bands.
Hell, yeah.
HARLEY: Violet?
Violet, we need to go right now!
Something happen with Jay?
We need to track him down.
Oh okay.
Okay, yeah.
You're not leaving?
Sorry, I
I have to.
Vi, come on!
- Uh, seriously?
- Sorry.
It's her mom's birthday.
Alright, so how much
ribs do you want?
We have four or five--
Alright,
type in his phone number.
Yo, watch it!
Oh, not you.
Uh, no shame, no shame.
I full-on demolished a rack
of ribs right after a break-up.
Yo, Wanda's gonna
freak out if she sees this.
Those files are confidential.
Restaurant-client privilege.
We need to find Harley's
lying snake of
a boyfriend's address.
Ohh!
Well, why didn't
you just say so?
The account files
are right over there.
VIOLET: Did you just
hang up on a customer?
Priorities.
Wait,
this isn't even his account.
Oh
It's authorized under
a guy named Wayne?
Ever heard of Wayne?
- No.
- Or Stephanie.
There's a Stephanie here.
Steph!
Yes, his cousin was Steph.
So
what do we do now?
We PI the PI.
You know, hold a stake-out
at his house, frig.
VIOLET: How much longer
are we gonna sit here?
Till he shows his mug.
Oh, these frickin' blow.
Fox's old Indian Affairs
glasses are just brutal.
Coke Bottle!
You're not supposed to wear
someone else's prescription.
You know, you retain more
when you wear glasses.
- Says who?
- Science, boi!
Whatever!
I need to go find a bush
and take a whiz.
Enough of this clownery.
Did, uh, Showboat say
what she was up to tonight?
Showboat, huh?
You don't gotta know
all my business.
Buddy.
We're dunzo for realzo.
She told me right after
the Bonovision show.
Damn Bonovision.
It's Jonovision.
It's Jonathan Torrens, man!
Show some respect.
[in mocking voice] She needs
to be with someone more serious.
I'm not ambitious or whatever.
You know, she wants to
be a big a rock star.
Like that's even a real job!
I don't know why you're all
so gung-ho on leaving Winnipeg.
You know you can go from
the sweat lodge
to the mall real quick.
Yeah, with just
a little bit of racism.
Still our land.
[dog whining]
What the hell is that?
I think it's Jay's dog.
Same home phone number
written on his weird collar.
- She's beautiful.
- He's hideous!
It's our golden ticket!
[dog whines]
CHERYL: Grab that promo gear.
["Unravelling"
by Shit Present playing]
Oh lucky me ♪
Karma cured my disease ♪
Now I'm down on my knees ♪
Unravelling ♪
Unravelling ♪
♪
[1980's pop music
playing on radio]
VIOLET: Guys,
what are we even gonna say?
CHERYL: What in
the fancy dance is that?
Hey, this thing yours?
Oh my God, Mojo!
Mojo, baby, oh,
you come to Mommy, yes!
You've been a bad boy, Mojo!
You've been
a very bad boy, yeah?
Mommy's practicing her routine.
Now go inside. Go!
[Mojo yapping]
Shouldn't you put it inside?
Okay.
Can I help you?
'Cause I just, you know, really
need to get on with my routine.
Yeah, we're, uh,
just doing a little
Uncle Sizzle's Survey.
Yeah, you get, uh,
free pizzas for one whole year.
Oh, okay, alright.
But make it quick, yeah?
So what's your first name?
For statistical purposes.
I'm like a freaking gazelle.
Uh, Stephanie!
S-T-E--
Uncle Sizzle's demands to know
who else lives here.
Uh okay.
My parents, Beth and Wayne,
uh, my husband, Jay,
and our little baby,
Jay Jr., obviously.
So, who's home right now,
Stephanie?
Okay, I think we have
everything that we need!
Uh, do I--
do I get a voucher, or--
Yeah, of course!
Just keep an eye
out on your mailbox!
Come on!
HARLEY: He told me
Steph was his cousin!
You might wanna work
on that one-two step.
Otherwise you're not
gonna land that spin.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
- [laughing]
- [laughing mockingly]
That's-- that's my ribbon!
That's my ribbon!
[1980's pop music playing]
I know that I'm
what you're looking for ♪
I feel dangerous! ♪
VIOLET: Harley,
he's frickin' married!
Yo!
Jay's some kid's dad !
We better, uh, get outta here
before we end up
on the Maury show.
Oh, no, no, no!
It don't end like this!
So, you guys coming or what?
Go on, then!
VIOLET: Ugh, we can't
lose our ride!
HARLEY: This is important!
So, we steal his dog back?
Okay, let's leave
Mojo out of this.
[Mojo barks in distance]
MICKEY: What do we have here?
Friggin' Mickey Carp!
What the hell
are you doing here?
HARLEY: She's prolly here
'cause she jacked all the kids
in the west end so she's trying
to steal from rich people.
Yeah, you tell anyone
from the west side
you seen me around here,
I'll beat yer asses.
You live here?
What, a Neechie can't
live in a big ol' mansion?
Racist.
Let's go.
I'm sorry, but nothing
can change the fact
that Jay's married.
Whoa what's this?
Dude drama?
My man's cheatin' on me
with his wife, okay?!
MICKEY: Whoa, double-dippin'.
You wanna fuck him up?
- Yeah!
- No!
He has a baby, Harley.
Listen, I live by one rule
and one rule only.
You don't let no man
disrespect you.
Clam up!
What would you do?
I say
we start by tagging his house
with a big, ol' set
of hairy balls.
VIOLET: Harley can't
even draw a dick.
All of her dicks
look like clouds.
I said balls.
What have you got in mind?
He loves his ride.
Sugar in the gas tank?
Pffft.
Amateur hour.
Harley, I'm not going down
this road with you.
Yo, fuck this geek
off the street.
I got your back, girl.
Don't be an idiot!
HARLEY: Are you for real?
Yeah, thanks for having my back!
Come on.
Harley, you better
not bring cops to my house!
MICKEY: They build all these
mansions outta thick walls
with concrete, like dungeons
from the olden days
and stuff.
You can't hear screams.
Can't hear nothin'.
HARLEY: Sick!
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Don't bring girls around here
if you've got something
with Harley.
What are you talking about?
I saw what I saw.
I didn't raise no tipi creeper.
Tipi creeper?
No, Harley's got a boyfriend.
And she's family.
Today is a hard day for her.
I know.
Your choices impact others,
my boy.
Okay, I get it, Mom.
You decide what you want
before you go breaking
something you can't fix.
Is that girl's name
really Dongle?
Uh
You scared the shit out of me.
Ill, right?
Alright.
You gotta cover your face
in case someone around here
has security cameras.
Other than that, we got about
20 minutes until someone calls
Roland from private security.
But, uh
we can outrun him.
He's like a turtle
with sideburns.
- Are you getting soft?
- No, I'm not!
Alrighty, then.
Let's teach loverboy a lesson.
[The Fox singing karaoke]
When all is said and done
you're still the one ♪
Yeah!
[people cheering]
WANDA: Woo, woo, woo.
WANDA: I think it's time to
learn a new song there, eh, bud?
THE FOX: Oh, Wanda.
Hey, my girl!
Honey, aw.
SHOWBOAT: Let's do our song!
- Come on, come on!
- ALL: Oh!
Come on, it's just us!
VIOLET: Showboat,
I'm not in the mood!
SHOWBOAT: You need to work
on your stage presence!
- Come on, you got this.
- Do it, do it, do it!
WANDA: Woo-hoo!
Go!
SHOWBOAT: Okay?
Two, three, four
[playback starts]
ALL: Woo! Yes!
[cheering]
[metal unsheathes]
["Follow" by Cayetana playing]
I have these
feet that follow me ♪
And a brain
that won't catch up ♪
I have these things
inside of me ♪
That I'm always throwing up ♪
Did things change? ♪
MICKEY: You're fucked now,
lover boy.
Or did I stay the same? ♪
[all cheering]
Did things change? ♪
Or did I stay the same? ♪
I'm a mirage and you ♪
You will not find me ♪
If you're
looking forward, you're ♪
You're right behind me ♪
I'm a mirage and you ♪
You will not find me ♪
If you're
looking forward, you're ♪
You're right behind me ♪
- [Mojo barking]
- MICKEY: Shit!
JAY: Hey, hey!
Who's there?
Get away from my car!
[Mojo barking]
Wait
What the fuck?
♪
Oh
Balls?
Bear balls?
SHOWBOAT: Woo,
give it up for Violet!
[all cheering]
VIOLET: And Showboat!
[cheering continues]
[both laugh]
♪
For you, babe.
Great.
Another gas station rose.
[Harley sighs]
JAY: Oh!
Testy, testy!
Okay, Seal.
You can't just roll in
all "Kiss from a Rose"
after you peaced
for a whole week!
Babe, you know I'd rather
be with you, but
[pager beeps]
When duty calls,
I gotta answer.
That the girl who called
into Uncle Sizzle's
from your phone number?
That's why you're wigging?
Babe, my cuz Steph
ordered the 'za.
She comes over
to watch Monday Night Raw.
Yeah, I bet.
You know,
I've never even seen your place.
Are you serious right now?
It took you until now to even
invite me over to Violet's.
That's because I never know
when you're free
or where the fuck you even are!
Wow.
You can't be a private eye
if everyone knows where you are
all the time!
That's kind of
the point of the job.
You got trust issues, man.
Big time.
Yeah?
And what's that
supposed to mean?
It means
you gotta chill, okay?
You sound paranoid.
Are you clowning me?
Geez!
You gotta trust me, Sluggo.
I'm not going anywhere.
Okay?
[pager beeping]
Look, this time's different.
I'll make it back in time
for your mom's birthday thing.
I'll meet Shelley.
Older ladies love me, okay?
You'll see.
[playing electric guitar
and keyboard beat]
♪
You almost done or what?
You're all over the recording!
My bad.
Harley, if you're gonna be
in here, you gotta be quiet.
Okay.
Fuckin' Louie
the Lightning Bug over here.
Oh!
- [all exclaiming]
- Oh my God!
- Fock! Ohh!
- Are you okay?
HARLEY: Friggin' cords
everywhere!
SHOWBOAT: Oh, it won't turn on!
No, no, no, no!
My dad's gonna freak!
- Is the tape okay?
- I don't know!
Well, did you try
blowing on it?
It's not a Nintendo cartridge.
SHELLEY: [upstairs]
Hey!
Everyone's here!
Get your arses upstairs.
You go.
I'ma try and fix this.
Okay.
Like, get some frickin'
traffic cones going down here
- or some shit.
- Come on.
HARLEY: Who put that there?
That's so stupid!
Whatever, don't act like
you never sat on my Talk Girl.
Okay, remember?
I turned it on,
and it was all "grrrrrrrawaaa."
So let's just
call it even, okay?
Whoa.
Look who made a cake
with aspartame.
Special for the elders.
Who did?
WESLEY: Her.
Who "her"?
Um, my girl.
Um Donn
Um
Dongle.
Your girl
"Dongle"?
Yeah, um
Yeah, it's just-- it's not--
it's it's
Just whatever.
You wouldn't get it.
Who the hell is she?
VIOLET: Dongle, I suppose.
HARLEY: As if
she brought a cake.
Hey!
You're not an Elder!
THE FOX: I'm elder than you.
So what?
We're just letting
anyone in here now?
SHELLEY: Harley!
Harley?
Hey, just checking in.
Oh
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's still nice that we can
have a meal together today, hey?
Mm-hm.
Your mom would've been 40.
She loved her birthday.
Yeah.
So, I found her very first
piece of beadwork
when I was cleaning out
my closet.
HARLEY: My God,
why'd she make a basketball?
SHELLEY: [laughs]
It's supposed to be a flower.
Yeah, she got all mukabee
when it didn't turn out.
It's so busted.
Yeah, 'cause Hildy was
a slack beader just like you.
Come here, I'll put it--
Shelley, it's okay.
Um
Why don't you just
hold onto it for me?
[sighs]
I'll just lose it.
Okay.
WANDA: Famous soup
coming through!
VIOLET: Hey.
This is for that boy
who messed with your hoo-hoo.
- Don't--
- Shhh!
It worked on Dale, okay?
Everything's in the pouch.
Thanks, Auntie.
Hey! Pay attention!
Okay, you go into a dark room
and you mix everything together,
and then you put it in a bush.
At night!
That's it, problem solved.
He'll never bother you again.
Thanks, Auntie.
Oh, no problem.
Don't even think about it!
[scoffs]
This is some bullshit!
WANDA: Hey
Do you think I can take some
Tylenol and wikkaii root
together?
I don't know.
Geez.
Some doctor you're gonna make.
SHELLEY: Make your mom
a spirit plate?
HARLEY: Okay.
Um
"The past is more
than a memory."
JT said that.
Justin Timberlake?
John Trudell!
Oh
[under her breath]
Timberlake
VIOLET: That's a monstrous
spirit plate.
And I thought she liked
salt and vinegar chips.
SHELLEY: It was ketchup.
'Cause it's like the red road.
Eh?
[all chuckle]
SHELLEY: Do it
your own way, my girl.
[rock music playing
on radio in background]
THE FOX: Ah
Busted mixer, eh?
Rocking too hard?
[laughs]
I've been there myself.
Yeah, me and Violet were
in the middle of laying a riff.
We make a dece duo.
Oh!
Like Billy Ray and his mullet.
- Sure.
- Which one are you?
The mullet?
Billy Ray!
[both laugh]
I don't know!
You know, me and Shakes Mackay
from The Shadows
were the dream team
back in the day.
I know!
Neechie rock legends.
Yeah.
Those were the best times
of my life.
Yeah.
So, when did you know
you weren't gonna make it big?
What? You think
I'm not gonna make it big?
No, no, no, no, no!
Never mind! Sorry.
Listen.
I can fix this for you.
If you go on a mission for me.
Can I talk to you for a second?
One second.
So how'd you two meet?
Uh
the bus.
Ha-ha! The bus!
And what better place
to bring a rando from the bus
than family dinner?
Oh, see, she's not a random.
We've got a connection.
Hm, you sure?
Sorry, what did you say
her name was again?
Dingle, you said?
Oh!
Dongle, my apologies.
Yo, Dongle!
WESLEY: [quietly]
Don't!
Real strong connection
between the two of you.
Where's your man at, huh?
I mean,
I'd love to meet him again.
He's on his way.
I actually just paged him.
- You just paged him?
- Mm-hm. I did.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
No-show, huh?
SHELLEY: Wesley.
Come help me give out bannock.
Make sure you save a piece
for Ronald McDongle.
Drop it!
Get away from that phone!
And don't come back.
[buttons beeping]
[grunts]
Call me back, jerkwad!
What the hell was that?
Stop stirring shit.
Don't even!
You're the shit-stirrer.
Trying to make me jealous.
Why do you even care?
I don't.
Who you bringing
to the round dance, huh?
I heard there's a lot of real
nice ladies at the laundromat.
What?
[sighs]
I don't know about this.
Remember that time
you "fixed" the lawnmower?
Took off on its own
and ran over a squirrel.
[laughs]
He walked it off.
Barely!
Fine!
Just his tail!
Mission accomplished!
Ohhh!
Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Here we go, here we gooo!
- Enjoy!
- Oh, I will, I will, I will.
Mmm.
Oh
Eugh
- Dude no!
- Eugh, eugh!
VIOLET: Come on!
That's my university catalogue!
THE FOX: Who made this?
It tastes like battery acid!
[machine whirs]
Oh!
He fixed it!
- Thanks!
- Thanks, Uncle.
Okay, if we power through,
we can rough the bridge
and do vocals.
Sweet, okay.
I'm still working on the lyrics,
but I really like what you did
with the chorus.
I just need something else.
Oh, the words'll come!
We'll be done in time for Stinky
& the Man's Battle of The Bands.
Hell, yeah.
HARLEY: Violet?
Violet, we need to go right now!
Something happen with Jay?
We need to track him down.
Oh okay.
Okay, yeah.
You're not leaving?
Sorry, I
I have to.
Vi, come on!
- Uh, seriously?
- Sorry.
It's her mom's birthday.
Alright, so how much
ribs do you want?
We have four or five--
Alright,
type in his phone number.
Yo, watch it!
Oh, not you.
Uh, no shame, no shame.
I full-on demolished a rack
of ribs right after a break-up.
Yo, Wanda's gonna
freak out if she sees this.
Those files are confidential.
Restaurant-client privilege.
We need to find Harley's
lying snake of
a boyfriend's address.
Ohh!
Well, why didn't
you just say so?
The account files
are right over there.
VIOLET: Did you just
hang up on a customer?
Priorities.
Wait,
this isn't even his account.
Oh
It's authorized under
a guy named Wayne?
Ever heard of Wayne?
- No.
- Or Stephanie.
There's a Stephanie here.
Steph!
Yes, his cousin was Steph.
So
what do we do now?
We PI the PI.
You know, hold a stake-out
at his house, frig.
VIOLET: How much longer
are we gonna sit here?
Till he shows his mug.
Oh, these frickin' blow.
Fox's old Indian Affairs
glasses are just brutal.
Coke Bottle!
You're not supposed to wear
someone else's prescription.
You know, you retain more
when you wear glasses.
- Says who?
- Science, boi!
Whatever!
I need to go find a bush
and take a whiz.
Enough of this clownery.
Did, uh, Showboat say
what she was up to tonight?
Showboat, huh?
You don't gotta know
all my business.
Buddy.
We're dunzo for realzo.
She told me right after
the Bonovision show.
Damn Bonovision.
It's Jonovision.
It's Jonathan Torrens, man!
Show some respect.
[in mocking voice] She needs
to be with someone more serious.
I'm not ambitious or whatever.
You know, she wants to
be a big a rock star.
Like that's even a real job!
I don't know why you're all
so gung-ho on leaving Winnipeg.
You know you can go from
the sweat lodge
to the mall real quick.
Yeah, with just
a little bit of racism.
Still our land.
[dog whining]
What the hell is that?
I think it's Jay's dog.
Same home phone number
written on his weird collar.
- She's beautiful.
- He's hideous!
It's our golden ticket!
[dog whines]
CHERYL: Grab that promo gear.
["Unravelling"
by Shit Present playing]
Oh lucky me ♪
Karma cured my disease ♪
Now I'm down on my knees ♪
Unravelling ♪
Unravelling ♪
♪
[1980's pop music
playing on radio]
VIOLET: Guys,
what are we even gonna say?
CHERYL: What in
the fancy dance is that?
Hey, this thing yours?
Oh my God, Mojo!
Mojo, baby, oh,
you come to Mommy, yes!
You've been a bad boy, Mojo!
You've been
a very bad boy, yeah?
Mommy's practicing her routine.
Now go inside. Go!
[Mojo yapping]
Shouldn't you put it inside?
Okay.
Can I help you?
'Cause I just, you know, really
need to get on with my routine.
Yeah, we're, uh,
just doing a little
Uncle Sizzle's Survey.
Yeah, you get, uh,
free pizzas for one whole year.
Oh, okay, alright.
But make it quick, yeah?
So what's your first name?
For statistical purposes.
I'm like a freaking gazelle.
Uh, Stephanie!
S-T-E--
Uncle Sizzle's demands to know
who else lives here.
Uh okay.
My parents, Beth and Wayne,
uh, my husband, Jay,
and our little baby,
Jay Jr., obviously.
So, who's home right now,
Stephanie?
Okay, I think we have
everything that we need!
Uh, do I--
do I get a voucher, or--
Yeah, of course!
Just keep an eye
out on your mailbox!
Come on!
HARLEY: He told me
Steph was his cousin!
You might wanna work
on that one-two step.
Otherwise you're not
gonna land that spin.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
- [laughing]
- [laughing mockingly]
That's-- that's my ribbon!
That's my ribbon!
[1980's pop music playing]
I know that I'm
what you're looking for ♪
I feel dangerous! ♪
VIOLET: Harley,
he's frickin' married!
Yo!
Jay's some kid's dad !
We better, uh, get outta here
before we end up
on the Maury show.
Oh, no, no, no!
It don't end like this!
So, you guys coming or what?
Go on, then!
VIOLET: Ugh, we can't
lose our ride!
HARLEY: This is important!
So, we steal his dog back?
Okay, let's leave
Mojo out of this.
[Mojo barks in distance]
MICKEY: What do we have here?
Friggin' Mickey Carp!
What the hell
are you doing here?
HARLEY: She's prolly here
'cause she jacked all the kids
in the west end so she's trying
to steal from rich people.
Yeah, you tell anyone
from the west side
you seen me around here,
I'll beat yer asses.
You live here?
What, a Neechie can't
live in a big ol' mansion?
Racist.
Let's go.
I'm sorry, but nothing
can change the fact
that Jay's married.
Whoa what's this?
Dude drama?
My man's cheatin' on me
with his wife, okay?!
MICKEY: Whoa, double-dippin'.
You wanna fuck him up?
- Yeah!
- No!
He has a baby, Harley.
Listen, I live by one rule
and one rule only.
You don't let no man
disrespect you.
Clam up!
What would you do?
I say
we start by tagging his house
with a big, ol' set
of hairy balls.
VIOLET: Harley can't
even draw a dick.
All of her dicks
look like clouds.
I said balls.
What have you got in mind?
He loves his ride.
Sugar in the gas tank?
Pffft.
Amateur hour.
Harley, I'm not going down
this road with you.
Yo, fuck this geek
off the street.
I got your back, girl.
Don't be an idiot!
HARLEY: Are you for real?
Yeah, thanks for having my back!
Come on.
Harley, you better
not bring cops to my house!
MICKEY: They build all these
mansions outta thick walls
with concrete, like dungeons
from the olden days
and stuff.
You can't hear screams.
Can't hear nothin'.
HARLEY: Sick!
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Don't bring girls around here
if you've got something
with Harley.
What are you talking about?
I saw what I saw.
I didn't raise no tipi creeper.
Tipi creeper?
No, Harley's got a boyfriend.
And she's family.
Today is a hard day for her.
I know.
Your choices impact others,
my boy.
Okay, I get it, Mom.
You decide what you want
before you go breaking
something you can't fix.
Is that girl's name
really Dongle?
Uh
You scared the shit out of me.
Ill, right?
Alright.
You gotta cover your face
in case someone around here
has security cameras.
Other than that, we got about
20 minutes until someone calls
Roland from private security.
But, uh
we can outrun him.
He's like a turtle
with sideburns.
- Are you getting soft?
- No, I'm not!
Alrighty, then.
Let's teach loverboy a lesson.
[The Fox singing karaoke]
When all is said and done
you're still the one ♪
Yeah!
[people cheering]
WANDA: Woo, woo, woo.
WANDA: I think it's time to
learn a new song there, eh, bud?
THE FOX: Oh, Wanda.
Hey, my girl!
Honey, aw.
SHOWBOAT: Let's do our song!
- Come on, come on!
- ALL: Oh!
Come on, it's just us!
VIOLET: Showboat,
I'm not in the mood!
SHOWBOAT: You need to work
on your stage presence!
- Come on, you got this.
- Do it, do it, do it!
WANDA: Woo-hoo!
Go!
SHOWBOAT: Okay?
Two, three, four
[playback starts]
ALL: Woo! Yes!
[cheering]
[metal unsheathes]
["Follow" by Cayetana playing]
I have these
feet that follow me ♪
And a brain
that won't catch up ♪
I have these things
inside of me ♪
That I'm always throwing up ♪
Did things change? ♪
MICKEY: You're fucked now,
lover boy.
Or did I stay the same? ♪
[all cheering]
Did things change? ♪
Or did I stay the same? ♪
I'm a mirage and you ♪
You will not find me ♪
If you're
looking forward, you're ♪
You're right behind me ♪
I'm a mirage and you ♪
You will not find me ♪
If you're
looking forward, you're ♪
You're right behind me ♪
- [Mojo barking]
- MICKEY: Shit!
JAY: Hey, hey!
Who's there?
Get away from my car!
[Mojo barking]
Wait
What the fuck?
♪
Oh
Balls?
Bear balls?
SHOWBOAT: Woo,
give it up for Violet!
[all cheering]
VIOLET: And Showboat!
[cheering continues]
[both laugh]
♪