Elsbeth (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

1
You said you'd find me
the man of my dreams.
MARGO: Lainey, this man
is worth over $100 million
and has all his hair.
Look at his nose.
Okay, yes,
- maybe it's a little crooked.
- Short.
His nose is too short for me to look at.
[SCOFFS]
I've been to five weddings
this year, Margo. Five.
And not one of those brides
has spent hundreds of
thousands of dollars
on a matchmaker like I have.
What is the problem?
Is it me?
Of course it's not.
[MOUTHING]
Okay.
We all have our own
unique love journeys.
As long as you continue to believe
" and refuse to settle
for the wrong person,
then Cupid will hit the bullseye."
Yes, I read your book.
It was another $35.
I will continue searching.
But you've got to understand,
finding a man who spends his free time
protecting the coral reef,
has good teeth,
and flies private takes time.
You have until the end of the year.
Lainey
And if you don't find me my perfect guy,
I will tell everyone that Margo Clarke,
the "Goddess of Love," is a fraud.
Hey! Officer, what do
you think you're doing?
This is handicap.
I'm on anti-depressants.
Excuse
Ma'am, let go of my arm.
I'm only gonna tell you once.
How rude!
That's it. Let's go.
- Now you're coming with me.
- Oh!
- Oh, so now you're arresting me?
- Mm-hmm.
Didn't they teach you to
deescalate in the academy?
Unbelievable.
[SIGHS]
What's your name?
I used to think a man like
you couldn't possibly exist.
Well, I do, my darling.
And now that I've found you,
I never want us to be apart.
- Lainey Anne Belfort
- [GASPS]
you are the most amazing
woman I have ever known.
[CHUCKLES]
And I want you to be my wife.
[LAINEY GASPS]
- Oh, my God.
- Will you marry me?
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Oh!
Thank you.
The Goddess of Love has
answered your prayer.
[SEAGULLS CAWING]
You made good time.
Well, it's freezing out.
No one's on the roads. Whew.
Hey, I thought we agreed
you'd speak Aussie at all times.
Come on, it's fine. No one's here.
What'd you have me come
all the way out here for?
It's safer.
- I had these drawn up.
- Oh, come on. Divorce papers?
Yeah. It's your one-year anniversary.
Ya made it.
Now you can divorce Lainey and skip town
with a sizable amount of her money.
Minus my sizable cut.
No, I can't do it.
What do you mean you can't do it?
- [SIGHS]
- The stage has been set.
You've been picking fights with
her like we rehearsed, right?
Yeah, and I hated it.
The thing is, I love her.
- How?
- I just do.
And I want her to know
the real me, you know?
You're an Uber driver who
never finished a full semester
of community college.
- Lainey already knows I'm broke.
- No.
She thinks your "crypto
exchange" went bust.
She also thinks you have a
wealthy family in Brisbin
and fancy degrees. Ya don't.
Yeah, well, listen, our
relationship ain't about all that.
- She loves me for me.
- [LAUGHS]
Lainey isn't capable of real love.
And even if she were,
how do you think she'd feel
about you defrauding her?
Well, then, I'd tell her
that she changed me.
I changed you!
Have you thought about what
this would do to my business?
My reputation, if she found out
you're my low-rent Frankenstein?
Lainey is a good person.
She'll look past all of that.
Women with trust funds
aren't good people.
I'm willing to take that risk.
Stop!
Don't do this.
The truth will land us both in prison.
I'm done lying!
[GRUNTING]
[INHALES SHARPLY, GROANS]
[WAVES CRASHING]
[MARGO PANTING]
[WHEELS SQUEAKING]
[MARGO GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
Oh, my God.
[GRUNTING]
- Ms. Tascioni.
- Oh, sorry.
I just love little tchotchkes like this.
That's a Yiddish word, it means
- I know what it means.
- Right. Sorry.
You were saying?
An Australian man named Gabriel Erwood,
whom I happen to know,
didn't come home last night.
And his wife is understandably worried.
Who's lead on the case?
You are.
Me?
But I-I mean, I'm-I'm not a detective.
Prove yourself today and
maybe one day you will be.
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh
- Is there evidence of foul play?
- No. He's just missing.
ELSBETH: Um, In New York,
doesn't an adult have to face
a credible risk of harm to
be considered "missing"?
His wife, Lainey Belfort,
is a major donor to my foundation.
Oh, so this is a favor.
A visit from a uniformed officer
in the company of Ms. Tascioni
with her consent decree
will demonstrate to Ms. Belfort
that we are taking her husband's
disappearance seriously.
Well, Captain, there's probably
a logical explanation
for Mr. Erwood's failure to come home.
And I trust you'll approach this matter
as any good detective would.
- I'll do my best.
- Me, too.
I know some men ignore
their wives' calls,
but not Gabriel.
Has he ever disappeared before?
No, never. We have been inseparable
- since the moment that we met.
- Aw.
That is so sweet.
And how did you first get involved
with Captain Wagner's foundation?
LAINEY: Um, my accountant.
It's a great cause and
I needed a tax write-off.
Um, I'm sorry, what does this have to do
- with my husband's disappearance?
- Oh, nothing.
- You know, just getting background.
- Okay.
KAYA: Anything unusual
happen last night?
Uh
We got in an argument.
- I know how that sounds, but
- What was the argument about?
Gabriel's crypto business is
going through a rough patch.
It's, uh, it's put him on edge.
It got really ugly.
Does your husband have
anyone he might've consulted
about his problems?
A best friend, a relative?
I'm his best friend.
All his family's in Australia
and they're estranged.
Uh, we have one,
we have one mutual friend,
but she's not in town right now.
Her apartment is being renovated.
Oh, where is she?
ELSBETH: This is the Hamptons?
It hardly seems worth that long a drive.
KAYA: If it were summertime,
you'd get it.
ELSBETH: Oh, now, this makes more sense.
Let's go.
MARGO: I wouldn't call
us "friends," really.
Um, I introduced them.
I'm a professional matchmaker.
- Hmm.
- Oh, my gosh, look at this.
- Is this your book?
- MARGO: It is.
You wrote this?
- I did.
- Wow, this looks great.
Who does the audiobook?
- Viola Davis?
- I do.
Wow, that's nice. Can I keep this?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
Did you still see Lainey and
Gabriel after they got married?
MARGO: Oh, yes.
Um, after I make a match,
I often become the
therapist and confidante.
And it's so like Lainey to
freak out and call the cops,
but I can't blame her after
the nasty fight they had.
Oh, you heard about that?
Uh, if you must know,
Gabriel came by here
and told me all about it.
Out here?
- And what time was that?
- Um
sometime before it got dark.
Uh, but it gets so dark so
early this time of year.
He was so upset, he wanted
to talk in person.
Excuse me. What are you doing?
ELSBETH: Uh, your rug.
It's missing.
See, there's an outline
where a rug used to be.
- You're very observant.
- ELSBETH: Oh, no, not really.
I just, uh, notice things that are odd.
MARGO: Uh, there was a rug,
but I decided I didn't like the color.
ELSBETH: Uh-huh.
I have so many fond childhood memories,
sitting by a warm fire on a cozy rug.
Or was that a movie?
No, that was me.
[CHUCKLES]
ELSBETH: This fire doesn't have the
woodsy smell I remember, though.
I guess it depends on
what you're burning.
Did you grow up around here?
Um, gosh, no. [CHUCKLES]
Peoria. That's in Illinois.
You know the old line,
"But will it play in Peoria?"
- And does it?
- Not usually, no.
Peoria is certainly not the Hamptons.
Well, nothing is, is it?
- Oh, no, siree.
- Well
I ordered a new rug, if that
makes you feel any better.
Oh, where from?
[LAUGHS]
Does it matter?
Oh, I just thought
I could do some shopping,
since I have to furnish an apartment,
if I can ever find one.
Ooh, New York real estate is a beast.
Well, the Hamptons Antique Store,
where I'm getting my rug,
is for people with
very discerning taste.
I thought you were here
to talk about Gabriel.
Did Mr. Erwood say anything yesterday
that might've indicated
where he might've gone?
No, but after that fight,
I think Gabriel had had enough.
Did you tell Lainey that he was here?
Uh, Gabriel begged me not to.
Now, I noticed you have
some security cameras
on the perimeter of your house?
A few. Yes.
Maybe we can take a look?
It might give us an idea as to
where Gabriel might've gone.
Yeah. Good thinking.
MARGO: That's all there is, I'm afraid.
ELSBETH: You don't have any footage
of him getting into the car?
Not at that angle.
It's a shame.
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.
We'll put out a BOLO.
See if anyone spotted his car.
But you'll let us know if you do
hear anything from Gabriel?
- Of course.
- We'll see ourselves out.
Thank you for your time.
KAYA: We found his car.
LAINEY: You did? Where?
At a bus stop in the Hamptons.
A bus stop?
Gabriel's never taken public
transportation in his life.
It's possible he left his car there
and was picked up by someone else.
You mean another woman?
No. No way.
We don't know yet, but it's not uncommon
for a man to leave town
for some unknown reason.
It doesn't mean there's a
real case to investigate.
But what was he doing in the Hamptons?
He went to Margo's first to talk.
Why didn't Margo tell me?
I think she was trying
to protect your feelings.
Oh, he was gonna leave me.
He was gonna leave me
because we had that fight.
We don't know about that,
but you know men.
Bruised egos.
- They need time.
- God, I'm such a bitch.
- No.
- Margo always kept warning me
"You've got to stop driving men away."
And, look, here I am.
When you do hear from Gabriel,
please let us know.
[EXHALES]
Lainey Belfort?
I'm Lainey.
Uh, your husband booked
a couples massage.
Happy anniversary.
He must've booked this
a while ago, because
Nope, he booked it yesterday.
Kickoff for a special celebration?
LAINEY: I told you,
he didn't just run off.
Oh, God. Something terrible
must've happened to him.
Seems like you got a real case now.
Hmm.
♪
We think Gabriel was
the victim of foul play.
Because he booked a massage?
Or because some lady's rug was missing?
Yes.
Did we also mention there was
a fire going in the fireplace?
Yes, you did. In the middle
of winter, no less.
You don't think there's
cause for a search
- of Margo's property?
- Based on what I've heard so far?
Not even close.
But she was the last one to see Gabriel.
He hasn't come home?
You are talking about
Gabriel Erwood, right?
Elsbeth Tascioni, meet my wife,
Claudia Payne.
So nice to meet you.
I love your scarf, your earrings,
your name, everything about you.
Well, aren't you a slice of heaven?
It's a pleasure.
Did he tell that you we were at
Gabriel and Lainey's wedding?
That must've been quite the event.
It was all right.
It's not easy to impress
people in this city,
which is why we have to go over
those place settings for the gala.
Oh, that's why she's
here, tormenting me.
- Aww.
- My husband did tell you
about our foundation gala, right?
- No.
- No?
- No.
- Oh, and it's this weekend.
You have to come.
Um, oh, no. No, no, no.
Oh, no. [CHUCKLES]
I'm, um, not really a
gala gal. [CHUCKLES]
CLAUDIA: I insist. Please. Bring a date.
I am still new in town.
So I haven't really met
any gala date types yet.
Oh, that's just because
you haven't been looking.
Elsbeth has other things to focus on.
Sweetheart, if you please,
just give us a minute.
Yes, of course. I'll go pick on Noonan.
And then it's place settings.
- I'm not kidding.
- All right.
I do find it hard to believe
that Gabriel walked out on Lainey.
They were so in love.
Not helping, Claudia.
Okay.
I'll see you this weekend, Elsbeth.
She's serious about this, isn't she?
- Deadly.
- Oh, no.
Ms. Tascioni, no judge is
gonna issue a search warrant
for a missing rug. You know that.
- Then let's set up a detail.
- On the matchmaker?
Yeah, then maybe we
could witness something
that would trigger a warrant.
Ah, we don't even know
if a crime was committed.
Look, show me credible
evidence of violence or harm
and then I'll put a detective on it.
Until then, there's nothing I can do.
[WHISPERS]: Follow me.
- Why are we sneaking around?
- Just come on.
[MOUTHING]
Oh, okay. Hmm. Wait.
Um, what is that?
Oh.
I got tired of the brick wall,
so I got this digital
window thingy online.
My son helped me pick out
the vistas over the phone.
Oh, he has such an eye.
It's nice, isn't it?
It is.
So is that why you
brought me in here ?
Oh, no.
I think we need to go back
and figure out how Gabriel's
car got to that bus stop.
We saw it leave Margo's house.
Right. We saw his car leave.
You think there was someone other
than Gabriel behind the wheel,
and they left it at the bus stop
to make it look like he skipped town.
There's my Detective Kaya.
Let's go.
Mm, mm-mm.
- Come on.
- I've got reports to file.
And we didn't exactly get the
go-ahead from the captain.
Right.
Okay, I don't want to
get you in trouble.
You just go without me.
- Are you sure?
- I'm serious.
Okay.
- I'll report back.
- Okay.
- Oh, wait, one more thing.
- Mm-hmm.
How do I get to the Hamptons by myself?
Is there a train? Maybe a trolley?
[CHUCKLES]
MARGO [RECORDING]: Most people
set out into the dating wilderness
without the proper
arrows in their quiver.
Having just one looks,
money, or personality
is not enough to hit the bullseye.
Okay, thank you, Chris.
And you're sure you never saw him?
Ma'am, it's the off-season.
Limited service.
Only a few regulars on board.
And none of them look like that guy.
Guys like that usually
fly out by helicopter.
Helicopter.
That's how it's worth the drive.
Rich people don't.
[LAUGHS]
- Well, thanks for the ride.
- All right.
And you'll be sure to show his photo
to the other drivers just in case?
- Sure thing.
- You know what's funny?
The word "jitney."
It sounds so fun and old-timey,
but it's really just a nice bus
with a bathroom, isn't it?
'Cause Oh, sorry, you have to go.
Okay, bye.
See ya.
Drive safe! Bye.
[HORN HONKS]
["ANOTHER WINTER IN A
SUMMER TOWN" PLAYING]
Another winter ♪
The renters go home ♪
The maple goes from crimson to brown ♪
Oh, God ♪
My God ♪
Another winter ♪
In a summer town. ♪
- Margo Clarke?
- Mm-hmm.
Yes, she bought another rug.
It's on order.
I told her if she wants the same one,
she'll have to wait.
What do you mean "the same one"?
She ordered the same rug that she had.
Huh.
'Cause she told me
you know, as her friend
that, uh, she just
didn't like the color.
My dear, each rug is an
individual work of art.
Technically the same
and yet different.
I don't know why she
tired of the first one.
It looked exquisite in the magazine.
- "Magazine"?
- Hampton's Quarterly.
They did a whole feature
on Margo last month.
- Hmm.
- That table is a Chippendale, you know.
- Oh.
- A steal at 10,000.
I'm between apartments right now.
But can I keep this?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
[CHUCKLES]
- Oh.
- [ENTRY BELLS JINGLE]
Oh, Margo!
Hi! It's me.
- It's Elsbeth.
- Right. Elsbeth.
You should think about changing it.
What are you doing here?
You were right about the Hamptons.
So pricey.
But everyone here is super friendly.
Until you talk to them for too long.
Yeah, well, we're not used to
having visitors this time of year.
- Arthur?
- Oh, good news.
Arthur says he's working
on getting you your rug
as soon as possible.
Good.
I came to check and you did it for me.
[CHUCKLES] The sooner I get it,
the sooner I can get back to
enjoying those woodsy fires.
But funny, though, um, he said
that you ordered the same rug,
but I thought you said you
just didn't like the color.
Mm, you misunderstood.
The colors in the old rug,
they were losing their vibrancy.
- I want new.
- Oh, I see. Out with the old
Art? Art.
So, how's Lainey?
She still strong-arming the police?
New information came
in that makes her think
that Gabriel intended to
celebrate their anniversary.
Huh.
Is that fireplace cleaner?
It's Okay, what ?
It's for my allergies.
The ashes, they aggravate them.
That stuff's great, if you've been
burning something nasty in there.
What's this new information?
Do they think something
happened to Gabriel?
I think a formal investigation
is imminent.
And operating under the consent decree,
I need to make sure they
look in the right direction.
Elsbeth love that name
how do you feel about a nice, cold walk?
Oh.
Okay.
I could've told you that Gabriel
had something special planned
for their anniversary.
That's the kind of man he was.
But after their argument,
he couldn't go through with it.
It was that bad?
Lainey has a ferocious temper.
- Ah.
- Nothing ever satisfies her.
I almost dropped her as a client
many times because of it.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It'd be easier to find a match for you.
- Ma [CHUCKLES]
- You're so upbeat.
- So simple.
- [CHUCKLES]
Well, it may seem like that,
but there's a lot more going
on inside here, believe me.
Ah, I think I do.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
And the men who are turned on
by that, well [CHUCKLES]
they can be a little crazy.
It doesn't end well.
- Yeah, well, love hurts.
- Oh, yeah.
And lawyers always end up
having sex on top of desks.
You never see the stapler,
until it's too late.
Oh, hi. Oh, wow.
Nothing like catching
the big fish, is there?
[GIGGLES]
Have a good day.
Anyway, you know all
about how hard dating is.
I mean, you know everything.
So, I need a date for a
fundraiser this weekend.
Uh, do you think you could help me?
I mean, what do you charge?
I'm sorry, I've got a
months-long waiting list.
Plus, I suspect I'm gonna have
my hands full with Lainey.
You know, repeat business.
But she and Gabriel might work it out.
No, that marriage is over.
Hi.
Every bus driver swore Gabriel
Erwood never got on a bus,
so someone wants to make it look
like he took a bus when he didn't.
- Huh.
- And did you know?
The Jitney does wine tours.
- No
- Ms. Tascioni?
Before you book any tours,
there's someone here you should meet.
This is Detective Darren
Jax, Suffolk County PD.
He just informed us
we no longer need to search
for Gabriel Erwood.
- You found him?
- JAX: You could say that.
A couple fishermen found your guy's body
a mile or so off of Georgica Beach.
- He drowned?
- WAGNER: He might have,
if he hadn't been murdered first.
Cause of death is blunt
force trauma to the head.
One hit from behind,
no signs of struggle.
Do they know what he was hit with?
Something made of heavy brass.
Brass? How do you know that?
They pulled a piece
of it from his skull.
You want to take that home with you?
No, it's evidence.
- Can I?
- I was kidding.
- Do we know a time of death?
- A couple days ago.
Now, he was dead before
he hit the water.
And here's the best part:
his name isn't Gabriel Erwood.
What do you mean?
According to fingerprint
and dental records
from the few real teeth
left in his mouth
the victim is one Dennis Pagano
from Teaneck, New Jersey.
Yeah. I wanted to see your faces.
- Well?
- KAYA: Oh.
Dennis Pagano, with a
record of petty crime.
Shoplifting, forgery.
But he seemed to leave all that behind
when he became Gabriel Erwood
of Brisbane, Australia.
[SCOFFS] And I was at their wedding.
- Has anyone told Lainey?
- WAGNER: I did.
She didn't take it well.
You get your wish.
Detective Jax is gonna
search Margo's house
in the Hamptons, and Lainey's, too.
Lainey has one, too?
They all have one.
You don't really think Lainey
killed Gabriel, do you?
It doesn't matter what I think.
Suffolk County is in charge now.
- Well
- So, you stay out of their way.
This a real murder investigation now.
Yep, and now it belongs
to another department.
Just my luck.
Well, that detective is gonna
focus on Lainey, won't he?
Oh, the spouse is always a suspect.
Gabriel and Lainey were one of
Margo's big success stories.
If anyone found out he was a fraud,
- it would ruin Margo's reputation.
- That's a good motive,
but without proof,
- what can we do?
- LAINEY: Elsbeth.
Lainey?
Margo always did a thorough
background check.
That's what she was paid for.
So she must have known that
Gabriel was an imposter.
Um, come here.
I opened up my heart,
my investment portfolio, for this man,
and he was from New Jersey?
I'm gonna kill Margo.
Shh whoa, whoa.
I wouldn't say things like that.
Why not? Those other cops are
already treating me like a killer.
Well, they probably think you
found out Dennis was a fraud
and you killed him.
I can't be their only suspect.
This is insane.
A guy from New Jersey must have enemies
- the cops don't know about.
- And the police will look for them.
[SCOFFS] They'd better,
'cause if not, I'm gonna end up
in a tiny little jail cell like this.
I just found someone who knows
more about Dennis Pagano.
- Who?
- His girlfriend.
TINA: I don't know what trouble
Dennis has gotten himself into,
but whatever it is, he's on his own.
I ain't bailing him out again, okay?
He's dead to me.
Actually, he's dead to everyone.
He's been murdered.
And you're coming here because you think
I had something to do with it?
No one's accusing you.
Good, because I've barely
seen him in weeks,
and I've been working here every night.
You can ask.
The police don't know who
did it yet, but they will.
And I am so sorry.
TINA: Oh, God.
Dennis.
Boy.
This is just the kind of thing
that always happens to me.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, it, uh, serves him
right for dumping me
after everything we been through.
[KAYA CLEARS THROAT]
So, you've been together a long time?
14 years.
Things had been great
between us this last year.
He finally had a steady job.
And what kind of steady job?
Some rich lady hired
him to be her driver,
like he did for Uber.
She had him working all the time.
He had to live there to be on call.
The money was good,
so I didn't complain.
He said it would be temporary.
But then, last week,
he tells me he's leaving me for her.
Said he didn't want to live a lie
anymore. You believe that?
What do you think he meant by that?
That he'd been cheating
on me this whole time.
I should have known when he
started getting better-looking
and acting all sneaky.
Lying bastard.
- Acting sneaky how?
- Hiding his phone from me,
locking his file cabinet.
Oh, there's a file cabinet?
Maybe we can take a look at it?
If you know how to break a lock,
it's yours.
KAYA: So, Tina said Dennis didn't
want to live a lie anymore.
So maybe "Gabriel" came clean to Margo
- about who he really was.
- Yes.
Exactly. Margo would be livid.
- Mm.
- Yes.
She would know that
that kind of revelation
could ruin her business.
- Mm-hmm.
- Her whole brand.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- So she got so angry
that she picked-up a brass
Candlestick.
- [LAUGHS]: Yes. Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
She picked up a brass
candlestick and then wham!
[GRUNTS]
Killed him in the study
while Colonel Mustard looked on.
- I used to love that game.
- Oh.
Mrs. Peacock. Check this out.
Brand-new teeth.
- What?
- Mm-hmm. And there's more.
Receipts for tattoo removal
- What?
- fitness training,
even a subscription to
a virtual dialect coach.
And check out the dates.
All before he met Lainey.
Well, how does an Uber
driver afford all this?
Credit cards? Isn't that how
most people pay for things?
No, no. He had a sponsor.
- Margo.
- Margo.
She helped Dennis Pagano
become Gabriel Erwood. [CHUCKLES]
But then he wanted to let
Lainey in on the secret.
Yes. We have to trace these
receipts back to Margo.
He kept them to make sure
she reimbursed him.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, here's one.
- Here's another one.
- Okay.
- Wow.
- This one's
Whoa.
Find something important?
You could say that.
This is a handwritten note
from Lainey to Gabriel.
What's it say?
It says, "My darling, if you even
think of trying to leave me,
I'll kill you."
Well, well, well. Good work.
But that letter is
circumstantial evidence.
Textbook. You can't
build a case around it.
You would still need something concrete
to tie Lainey to the murder,
and it doesn't exist.
Finding out your husband is a scumbag
who married you for your money
is a hell of a motive, don't you think?
What about Margo's estate?
Did you find anything?
At the matchmaker's?
Nah. No blood traces,
no DNA, nothing.
[QUIETLY]: The rug must
have absorbed it all.
Kept it from getting on the wood floor.
Uh, did you search
the fireplace, though?
There were rug fibers in there,
- but, uh
- See? She burned the evidence.
Lady, I'd love to make
that woman a suspect
given the way she treated my guys,
- but I can't do it.
- She wasn't nice to your officers?
Let's just say I'm not surprised
Ms. Clarke has a record
- for assaulting an officer.
- She does?
See, that proves she's
capable of violence.
It proves she's a pain in the ass.
♪
Hey. Look what I got.
Margo's arrest record.
- Ooh! Let me see.
- Mm-hmm. Oh.
So, just different every time?
Huh?
Oh, yeah. Depends on my mood.
And I have a lot of moods.
So, Margo's arrest took place
right outside Lainey's apartment.
Another high-priced consultation
with Lainey ordering Margo
to find her the perfect husband.
- So, Margo left
- Mm-hmm.
and then took out her frustrations
on that poor cop,
and then got locked in the slammer.
But here's the best part.
Look at the precinct and the date.
- Mm-hmm.
- Something just rang a bell,
so I compared it to
Dennis Pagano's record.
Oh, my God. Dennis Pagano was arrested
for shoplifting the same night.
They were booked at the same
precinct at the same time.
So Margo did know Dennis Pagano.
I kind of love that they met in jail.
That's where Margo found him,
and then decided to turn him
into Lainey's dream man.
Oh, I can't wait to see what she says.
[CHUCKLES]
Nice investigative work,
soon-to-be Detective Blanke.
- Thank you.
- Hey.
Will you come with me to the fundraiser?
I can brag about you
to all the detectives.
You still haven't found a date?
It's hard to meet people in this city.
- Oh, yeah.
- So you'll come with me?
No. Sorry.
Not a gala gal.
- That's what I said.
- Huh. Still not going.
So, you didn't know Gabriel
was really Dennis Pagano?
How could I?
Well, we took a trip to New Jersey
Oh, sorry to hear that.
Yeah, definitely not the Hamptons,
but we did learn some fun facts,
like: after spending one
night in jail with you,
Dennis Pagano went from
being a petty criminal
to an Australian entrepreneur.
With the help of some dental work
and a few cosmetic changes.
[CHUCKLES]
We have the arrest records
and the receipts; Dennis saved them all.
Probably as proof in
case you wanted to
[WHISTLES SOFTLY] double-cross him.
Okay, say I did help jailbird Dennis
with a little glow-up.
We all do things to make ourselves
more appealing, don't we?
Or is that your natural color?
You created fake investments,
- social media accounts.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
Dennis's makeover might've been extreme,
but Lainey was a difficult client.
No straight man was
gonna go to the trouble
of becoming everything she needed
without me pushing.
So arrest me.
Oh, that's right.
You know as well as I do
what I did might be fraud
though you'd have trouble
making the case
without Dennis to corroborate
but it isn't murder.
♪
So
Are we done here?
Wait.
Something's missing,
and I know what it is.
The rug. We know.
No, not the rug.
[GROANS] All that Where's
Waldo? has finally paid off.
Cupid.
When you took this photo,
there was a darling
Cupid on the pedestal.
Perfect for your brand, by the way.
Oh, that?
The photographer thought it was cute.
Well, where is it now?
Somewhere in storage.
I don't like clutter.
Oh, gosh.
I wish I could be more
like that. [CHUCKLES]
- I'll bet.
- Yeah.
By the way, have you found
a date yet for your event?
Uh No. No, I haven't.
I am still well, working on that.
MARGO: A bit of free advice?
Focus on love, Ms. Tascioni.
More than your career, whatever it is.
End of the day, love
is all that matters.
- That Cupid is our candlestick.
- Mm-hmm.
It's probably at the bottom
of the ocean somewhere.
Oh, my gosh, your detective
skills are amazing!
I'm not saying we should
search the entire ocean.
- That would be ridiculous.
- I agree.
Just, you know, where
the body was found.
Uh, how big a radius we
talking? Half a mile?
Objects tend to drift in
the ocean, you know.
Half a mile at most.
Ah, Ms. Tascioni, the NYPD's Scuba
is a highly specialized unit.
Their job is to perform
dangerous rescue operations,
not look for brass figurines.
- It's actually more of a statuette.
- The answer is no.
You realize everything you found
makes me look even more guilty.
KAYA: Meeting Dennis'
girlfriend also led us to Margo
and her motive.
You think Margo killed him?
We think he was about to defy Margo
and tell you the truth.
That he's from Jersey?
Why?
Because he'd really
fallen in love with you.
- He loved me?
- ELSBETH: He did.
He didn't want to lie anymore.
Sometimes I forget I'm actually lovable.
Aw.
I bet Margo coached
him on everything to do
and everything to say.
No wonder he was so good in bed.
We don't know about that,
but, um, we think that
she killed him with this.
LAINEY: The Cupid.
I got that for her, right
after we got engaged.
- That's a nice gift.
- It's not that nice.
I'd spent enough on Margo's retainer.
That's actually a knockoff
of a bronze one I saw.
This one was made of brass?
Yeah. How'd you know?
It was like $30. Don't tell Margo.
- Quite the bargain.
- Mm-hmm.
How do you think I stay rich?
♪
ARTHUR: Oh, yes. Not to worry.
I believe I know a dealer
in SoHo who has one.
The exact same one?
- It's got to match.
- Very same.
I can have it to you in the morning.
Oh, thank God.
- It's $60,000.
- I'm sorry, what?
Do you need time to think about it?
No. I don't do time.
- Hi.
- Elsbeth!
So glad you could make it.
Well, you were so cryptic
when you called,
I figured this would be worth the drive.
Indeed it is.
I have found the perfect man for you.
What? Really?
I thought you said you weren't
taking on new clients.
I couldn't resist.
He's an archaeologist,
so you both like nosing into things.
He's just back from Kiribati, actually.
Oh. Where's that exactly?
No idea, but wait till
you see his picture.
Handsome, right?
Oh, he is very
Is that Cupid?
Why, yes. Yes, it is.
That's the same Cupid
that was on the pedestal
when you had your photo shoot?
Yeah, you were so fond of it,
I pulled it out of storage.
Huh. But the Cupid in the photo
had three arrows in his quiver
and this one only has two.
And you always want more
arrows in your quiver.
- That's from your book.
- Yeah, you're mistaken.
No. See, if you compare
this one with the whoa
one in the, uh, magazine
Maybe it fell out in storage.
No one cares.
Yeah, yeah. You're probably right.
I do tend to notice things
that other people don't.
Like that man's excessive nose hair,
and like you say, I wouldn't want
to settle for the wrong pers
- Whoa.
- Hey! Careful with that.
My God!
I'm so sorry. It's just
heavier than it looks.
Well, it should be. It's solid bronze.
- Are you sure?
- Of course, I'm sure.
It's an antique.
Because Lainey said
she bought it for you.
As a matter of fact, she did. So?
Well, the one Lainey got
for you was made of brass.
It was a fake,
which is kind of ironic
when you think about it.
But the thing is, the weapon
used to kill Dennis
was made of brass.
A man killed by a brass Cupid.
How poetic.
But as you can see,
this one is made of bronze.
Too bad your brass one isn't here,
so you can't prove anything.
You know what? You can leave.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Who could that be? Oh, right. [CHUCKLES]
I forgot.
Uh, I invited some friends
to meet me here.
Hi.
Uh, this is Jake and Harvey.
This is Margo.
They found Dennis's body.
What are they doing here?
Well, I suggested that they
go back to their fishing spot
with a metal detector.
Can you believe the police
wouldn't spend the resources?
Come on in, gentlemen.
And look what they found.
♪
See? Three arrows,
just like the photo.
Although, this one's chipped.
Well, my guess is that the missing piece
will match the one the coroner found
in Dennis's head wound.
What is this? Are you arresting me?
- Uh, no, they are.
- [SIREN WHOOPS]
MARGO: No. Wait.
I can't go from this to prison.
Yeah, it won't be the Hamptons,
- but nothing is, is it?
- [HANDCUFFS CLICKING]
[SIGHS] Why did that idiot
have to fall in love?
- [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
- [LIVELY CHATTER]
- Tascioni. Hey.
- Kaya! Oh, my gosh!
Oh, you look amazing. Wow.
I do not put heels on for just anybody,
so you owe me, just so we're clear.
Very clear.
[GLASSES CLINK]
Officer Blanke, are you
gonna fill the detectives in?
According to Tascioni,
you basically solved a murder.
They have a lot of questions.
They want to talk to you.
- I
- Come on.
It's the least you can do.
- Okay.
- There you go.
[QUIETLY]: Yes.
Oh.
Oh. Okay.
Oh. Thank you.
- Elsbeth. [CHUCKLES]
- Mm. Mm.
- [GIGGLES] Hi.
- Hi.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- Are you enjoying yourself?
Mm-hmm. I don't know what I'm eating,
- but it's delicious.
- Okay.
Oh, wow. There are so many
important people here.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, that guy that Captain Wagner's
talking to looks very important.
- Who's he?
- That's the owner of FlairAll,
that buzzy fast fashion company.
He's loaded. Mm.
- What? Me?
- Yeah. [LAUGHS]
No. [LAUGHS] Mm-mm.
So, Captain Wagner helps raise
money for the foundation, right?
Yes. He brings in a lot of major donors.
How does he do it?
Well, few people say no to
talking to an NYPD captain.
Oh, I see.
He hates the schmoozing part,
but sending kids to college
on full scholarships,
he loves that part.
- That's so nice.
- Yeah.
- Please, excuse me.
- Of course.
Another Shirley Temple, please.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
Hello?
CELETANO: I hear Wagner's
foundation is having a big soiree.
Mm-hmm.
The food's delicious. [CHUCKLES]
You're there now?
Notice anything suspicious?
ELSBETH: Mm
I'm not sure yet.
It's still early.
She's a little quirky, but I
like that Elsbeth character.
- Hmm. You like everybody.
- [CHUCKLES] No, really.
She seemed genuinely
interested in the foundation.
- And in you.
- [CHUCKLES]
And [SIGHS]
She asked a lot of questions.
That's classic Elsbeth.
That's what she does
whenever she's on a case,
- pursuing her prey.
- Mm.