Fake (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

COUNSELLOR: What does
trust look like to you?
BIRDIE: I I'm not anxious.
You didn't respond to my message.
- JOE: Hey, Birdie, why are you pushing me away?
- I'm not.
COUNSELLOR: Bring it back
to what you can control -
trusting Joe.
JOE: Well, why not
bring them along? I mean,
who doesn't love a
twilight pleasure cruise?
Please behave, Mum. I'm
trying not to scare him off.
(LAUGHS) You don't need
us to scare him off.
Well, it's just hard not to be paranoid
when he doesn't turn
up when he says he will.
I just sit there at home, overthinking.
It just makes me feel, well, crazy.
Oh, hi. It's me. We
were waiting for you.
JOE: I'm sorry, I was
saving a boy's life.
You weren't at the front
of my mind, I'm sorry,
- I have to admit.
- I'd like to introduce him
to my family and friends.
Well, come on. Everyone, this is Joe.
- ALL: Hi!
- I'd like to propose a toast to Birdie,
who puts up with a little
more from me than she should.
So, how'd you go trusting Joe?
JOE: Is that for me?
I I do trust him.
JOE: Stay with me.
Hey, Tina. I'm writing a feature
on the soup van for
the Weekend magazine.
- That's my baby girl.
- Oh!
That's Montana. She's all grown up now.
A doctor in Algeria.
MONTANA: I work in a
childcare centre in Chadstone.
It's all fucking lies.
BIRDIE: I've put some
boundaries up, around my mum,
so that I can explore
being independent
of her, with Joe.
Now when I start worrying,
I just tell myself
everything's fine.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
MONTANA: Most of it's trash.
Do you mind if I record?
No. No, that's fine.
I only met your mum briefly,
but you're all she wanted to talk about.
The only thing she
cared about was heroin.
Remember all those times
she took me to Luna Park?
Best birthdays ever.
We wouldn't see her for a whole year,
and then Mum would suddenly show up
and promise to take me
and my friends to Luna Park
for my birthday.
It happened, like, three times
before I finally figured it out.
I'd be so excited.
God, how dumb was I?
And then, my birthday
would finally come,
and me and my friends
would be all packed up
and ready to go.
And then we'd get the call.
She was going to be late.
Across the afternoon,
things would escalate.
Crazy shit.
It always ended with Montana and tears.
And you taking us for Maccas
in the car park for my birthday.
It must have been really hard for you.
Uh
I just
don't know why I
put so much trust in her.
The stories were like these
perfect little three-act plays.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(DING!)
JOE: Hiya! I'm just about to leave.
Hey, should I grab dessert for everyone?
Sorry about the dessert.
Oh, dinner was so good.
Tell him he's criminal, promising
gelato and not delivering.
- That's 20 years!
- ANTON: You're drunk.
We're going home.
- Let me know when he washes up.
- I will.
(DOG BARKS)
(WHINES)
(DING!)
JOE: Doctor says I managed to
poison myself with sheep drench.
I'm shaking.
Mercy! Mercy!
Come here.
On your bed. On your bed. Good girl.
- Good girl. Down.
- (DING!)
It doesn't look like
I'll make it tonight.
Is Mercy behaving herself?
I'll pick her up first
thing in the morning.
(MERCY BARKS AND WHINES)
JOE: Spending way too much time in here.
So sorry.
I really wanted to see your friends.
Sadly, the only cocktail
I'll be having tonight.
(MERCY HOWLS)
(BARKS AND WHIMPERS)
(TAPPING)
(BARKS AND WHINES)
(DOOR OPENS)
(INDISTINCT)
(WHIMPERS)
Lie down.
Good girl.
(MERCY WHIMPERS)
Don't eat me in the night.
MONTANA: The stories were like
these perfect little three-act plays.
I just wanted to believe her so badly.
(MERCY WHIMPERS)
Walkies?
(PHONE RINGS)
- Hi.
- ANTON: Hey, how'd you pull up the other night?
- Oh, OK.
- Mm-hm.
Have you heard from him?
No, I haven't yet.
- ANTON: Right.
- Anton, he was sick.
(ANTON SIGHS)
Birdie, I'm sorry,
but this is weird, OK?
It's been five months.
You haven't been round to his place.
You haven't met his friends
or his children. (SIGHS)
Are you sure you're not
his dirty little secret?
What?
And you've still got his fucking dog.
Doesn't he need the
dog to do the drenching?
To, like, chase the sheep or something?
- Birdie?
- Now I've lost his dog.
- Ugh I'm just, I'll
- (BARKING)
- ANTON: What?
- I have to go.
Wait
- Mercy?
- (BARKING)
- (WHINING)
- Mercy?
What are you doing?
(MERCY WHIMPERS)
What are you doing?
Ugh, yuck. Come on.
Good girl.
- There you are.
- Oh, Joe! God!
I used my key.
Hiya!
Hey, can I borrow this?
Uh, it's my dad's.
But, sure.
- I, um, I'm OK, by the way.
- I can see that.
She's not really an apartment dog, Joe.
Hey, those ribs turned out pretty good.
A bit more sauce, maybe?
- So, your stomach's fine?
- Mmm.
Yeah, I think I've
lost about three kilo.
Why didn't you message me
when you were driving in?
- Well, I did.
- No.
(PHONE CHIMES)
Sorry, I didn't I didn't get those.
It's OK, that's OK.
You're fine that I let
myself in, aren't you?
(SILENT)
Am I
Am I your dirty little secret?
Oh, hang on. Where's this come from?
What, are your friends
making you feel bad again?
I I don't think
Anton likes me very much.
I find it weird that I
haven't been to your house.
What, do you want to come to my house?
Well, why are we always here?
Well I didn't think
it was such a big issue.
It's normal
to want to go to your partner's house.
OK, OK. We can have dinner
there tomorrow night.
Dinner at my place.
Yeah?
You're funny. Mmm!
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
- Sorry. Don't tickle me.
- (LAUGHS)
He does like you.
- Really?
- Anton, yes.
He's invited you to his wedding.
Ooh!
Do you want me to come?
Yes.
Well, I love a country wedding.
- When is it?
- (LAUGHS)
- When is it?
- It's in February.
Mm-hm.
Should I book you a flight?
Oh, I can book it.
Where's the flight details?
- They're on the fridge.
- Alright.
Hey, do you want me to put
the kettle on while I'm here?
S sure.
Hey, Imogen, it's Joe. How are you?
Yeah, I'm pretty good.
Hey, can you get us a seat
uh, Melbourne to Orange.
10th of February, 3pm flight?
And, if you can, get us
the seat next to 21-A.
Yeah.
Yeah, alright, OK. Oh, put it
on the business account too,
that will give more points.
Alright.
OK. Thanks, Imogen. Bye.
Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Can we grab a drink?
Oh, well, actually,
Joe's having me around
to his place for dinner.
Ooh, milestone.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(DING!)
JOE: I'm out front, and starving.
Don't know about you.
(PHONE RINGS)
JOE: Heya, hello!
- Where are you?
- I'm here.
I'm here. I'm right in front of you.
Well, just I
can't I can't see you.
JOE: Hey, earth to
Birdie. Earth to Birdie.
Hello!
- Oh!
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
Hi! Where's your car?
I've just been in the
city doing some meetings.
Oh.
- Hello.
- Hello. That's better.
I was in the city going over
the contract and inclusions
for a new potential
property deal with my lawyer.
New direction for me.
What about the shack?
Oh, a neighbour has offered to buy it.
Oh. Well, that's a shame.
It's so beautiful there.
Well, it'll free me up to buy Eldorado.
It's a grand, old house
on just over 100 acres -
prime grazing land.
It's got a vineyard that can produce
9,000 bottles of pinot noir a year.
- Pinot?
- Yeah.
(LAUGHS) I knew you'd be impressed.
The owner's a private type.
It's not common
knowledge, but he's been
he's been diagnosed with Parkinson's.
So it's a private sale, for
a select few in the know.
Um, there'll be, you know,
still some stiff competition,
but
I have
I have a secret weapon.
- A daisy?
- No, it's not just any daisy.
This is, uh
This is hoary sunray.
Leucochrysum albicans.
Oh.
An ugly name for such
a pretty little thing.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, the, um,
the owner wants to maintain
the heritage legacy of the property,
and little hoary sunray has
threatened species status in Victoria.
And so, you know,
conservationists are going
to threaten legal action
to block the development,
to protect, you know,
an unassuming little daisy's habitat.
Might knock a few players out
of the, uh, out of the game.
Well, maybe we can go up there
on the weekend and have a look.
Uh, I I'm hanging out
with Rory this weekend.
Actually, I have to
take her to the circus.
Oh, you know, I wouldn't
mind your advice.
Wine and olives.
We can We can go into business.
We could be partners.
- Yeah, this is my street.
- Oh.
Ah, home, sweet home.
Yeah, you see the Defender?
- BIRDIE: Mm-hm.
- Mm.
Here's my driveway.
Alright, um, we'll go on
to Singh's Restaurant now,
thanks, driver.
I thought we were going into your place.
No, no, not tonight.
It's a bit of a political hot potato.
Mary's already dropped the
kids up to the restaurant.
We can meet them there.
I'm meeting the kids?
Olivia spoke to me this afternoon.
She, uh, she asked if you'd
been over to the house.
She's She's feeling
a little bit anxious.
- Oh. OK.
- Mm.
Yeah, you know, the house
has been like a cocoon
for the three of us
during the, you know,
the difficult years.
I don't want to upset them.
I just want to protect
the little blighters.
Yeah, of course.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CLEARS THROAT) How's soccer,
mate? You kicking many goals?
(GRUNTS)
He doesn't play soccer anymore.
He finished the season.
Oh, right? Already?
- Hey, Qinyan.
- MAN: Ah!
Hey! Hao.
- All good?
- Joe, always a pleasure.
Now, this is Birdie.
Um, careful, she's a
she's a food writer.
- Oh, reviewer! Wah
- Oh
- I will get my cleaver.
- No, no, no, not anymore.
This is This is
a hidden culinary gem,
this place.
Alright, we'll have the
usual thanks, Qinyan.
We'll have a number two, a number seven,
um, uh, two 16.
- Want some spring rolls?
- Mm.
OK, four spring rolls
and four rice, please.
Oh, and a couple of glasses of pinot.
Best on your list.
QINYAN: Perfect, thank you.
How's school, Livvy?
Um, good.
Yeah?
How's the new teacher, mate?
HARRY: Mm.
Uh, you know
Teenage boys, they've got hormones
coursing through their
amygdala, you know?
They lose the capacity to
speak for a couple of years.
You have to learn to decode grunts.
It's OK.
I don't think Harry is feeling too well.
JOE: Oh.
You alright, mate?
Do you want to go Do you
want to go to the bathroom?
Alright, I'll take you to the bathroom.
OK, Livvy, you can order
a fizzy drink if you want.
Excuse. You alright, mate?
I hope he's OK.
Hmm.
Hi, um, excuse me, could
I get a raspberry Fanta?
- I like raspberry lemonade.
- Yeah.
Are you nine?
Yeah. But I'm turning 10 next month.
Oh, wow.
Yep, my my goddaughter
is the same age - Rory.
You could have a play date.
Well, we don't do play
dates anymore, that much.
Oh. No
What DO you do?
Um, well, we hang out and
chill and play on our phones.
Oh, yeah.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
These are yummy, do
you want to have one?
Yeah, sure.
Me too.
What does yours say?
Um, just some random numbers.
Mine says your character
is natural and uninhibited.
That's not really the truth. (LAUGHS)
Are you staying at your
mum or your dad's tonight?
Mum's.
I'm sorry, I'm going to
have to take him home.
He's just told me he's been
throwing up at school all day.
Apparently, half the
class have got something.
Oh, no! Is there anything I can do?
No, no, no. Just, I
think a good lie down
and maybe a bit of lemonade to
settle his funny tummy. Yeah?
Alright, better go.
You all right, Livvy?
I've got Qinyan to pack
some food up for us.
Come on, mate. You alright?
Quick sticks. Come on, Livvy.
See you soon, yeah? OK, come on.
Thank you.
That one's yours.
- There you go, I'm so sorry.
- OK. That's alright.
Unpredictable life strikes again.
Oh
It's OK, I understand.
OK.
Oh, just Olivia
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- OK, I'll see you soon.
Bye, Olivia. It was
really nice to meet you
and I hope you feel OK, Harry.
OK, see you soon.
Come on, kids. 'Night.
There's foxes on the property.
I keep finding dead lambs everywhere.
There you go. Have a look at that.
What do you think?
Who's this?
Oh, I think that's just a stock photo.
I had some branding chaps
I know do it up for me.
(PHONE BUZZES)
Maybe you can write a
review of it when I buy it.
It doesn't really work like that.
- Oh, there's the turnoff for Eldorado.
- Oh, we're not ?
No, I thought I'd show
you another property first.
Jacaranda.
Oh, Jacaranda.
Yeah, just in case the deal
for Eldorado falls over.
And all this branding, you know
makes me think I'm
probably going to have to
stick my head up and become
the face of the oil and wine.
A bit anxious about going
down the path of ego.
Right.
I was thinking about maybe I
should just go back to basics.
Like Walden.
Thoreau had the right idea.
Cabin in the woods.
Time to think. A simple life.
You know Thoreau's mother did
his washing the whole time?
The cabin on Walden Pond
was, like, a 20-minute walk
to his mother's estate.
He'd drop his laundry off
and stay for a dinner party
with his mother's friends.
Not exactly the Robinson
Crusoe experience.
And that is why I love you.
Yeah, this is it.
There's a little creek
just behind the trees there.
I might stay here.
Mercy! (WHISTLES)
- There you go, girl.
- (PHONE BUZZES)
(BUZZING STOPS)
(PHONE CHIMES)
JOE: Yeah, come on!
Yeah, bring it back. Come on.
- (MERCY BARKS)
- (JOE WHISTLES)
There you go, girl.
That's it, fetch it.
(WHISTLES) Mercy!
That's it No, not that stick.
The other one. Bring it back.
Come on!
(WHISTLES) Mercy.
I expected there'd be more jacarandas.
It's very brown.
Oh, well, sheep do well on brown.
No, you're probably right.
A few creature comforts is
not necessarily a bad thing.
(STARTS ENGINE)
You know, the missed call I had
before? I know who it's from.
It's I contacted
Google a couple of days ago
about this new social media
platform I had an idea for -
- Cicada.
- Mm?
I'll call back a little bit later.
Mm.
You know, we can always
come back another day, if
Well, if the owners
can't make this work,
or if something comes up, or whatever.
Ah, it shouldn't be too long.
What's happening, Joe?
Hmm?
You know, I couldn't care
less if you have money or not.
Are you playing me?
(PHONE BUZZES)
Yeah.
No, right as rain.
Yeah.
Mm-hm. OK, shall do.
Thank you. Bye.
Something come up?
No, it was Terry, the farm manager.
He's just going to
open the gates for us.
I'm sorry.
I overthink things, and then I
- wreck them.
- No.
No, nothing's wrecked.
No, we're having a beautiful day.
Have a look at this!
Put that down for you, Mercy.
- Back in a tick, girl.
- (MERCY WHINES)
Terry!
Good man.
- Sorry about the door.
- No, no problem.
Yeah, this is my partner, Birdie.
- Hi.
- Lovely to meet you, Birdie.
Oh, you too. This is very romantic.
The garden's just
Well, you should see it
when all the daisies start
popping up in the field.
- THAT is beautiful.
- I bet.
What do you think?
(CHUCKLES)
I think it's gorgeous.
(PHONE RINGS AND BUZZES)
Hey, Joe, I moved all those
beehives, like you suggested.
I'm really looking forward
to (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
Yeah, good.
Um, by the way, Percy's ready
for you up at the house now.
Excellent.
What? This isn't the house.
Oh, my God! Joe!
Come on, Mercy.
MAN: Hello.
So nice to see you again, Joe.
You too.
Lovely to finally meet you, Birdie.
Oh, thank you.
Make yourselves at home.
Lots of cosy little
nooks around for a writer.
Although I have to warn you,
we've had Liam around.
He might be still
here, around somewhere.
He has plans to turn
it into a wedding venue.
It's unthinkable.
For God's sake, there was talk
of dividing up ALL the rooms
and hiring them out individually.
Well, it's out of our control. Not
- Not really our thing.
- Not ours either.
- It's unbelievably gauche.
- Mmm.
Birdie, let me show you inside.
Come.
How's the sheep business?
JOE: They're doing pretty
good at the moment, yeah
I hope Joe gets it. He's a good man.
(CHUCKLES)
He's regenerating his
paddocks with native grasses.
What a fascinating
idea for a sheep farmer.
Grazier.
The packing process is
going to be a nightmare.
- Can you imagine?
- Mm!
Take your time.
I'll get some refreshments sorted
for when you've had a look around.
Thank you.
(EXHALES)
JOE: You touching the art?
- That's very naughty.
- (LAUGHS) Stop it.
Can you see yourself living here?
Oh
Would you consider
renting out your apartment?
Of course.
I mean, we'd have to redecorate.
MARGEAUX: Your father would love this!
Who would have thought he'd
turn out to be a real prince?
I mean Just, wow!
RORY: Which one's my room?
Can I have both? (LAUGHS)
JOE: There's an excellent
view from the kitchen.
RORY: Are you going to
have servants? I would.
MARGEAUX: She might even
cook something for once.
RORY: Hey, Dad, look at me.
ANTON: Rory, put that down.
No, don't touch the walls.
JOE: I want you to write.
To bloom.
Do you prefer the downstairs
study or the upstairs?
Oh
(INDISTINCT VOICE APPROACHES)
show you this room.
Sorry?
I was just finishing up.
I see you've found the
broom cupboard. (LAUGHS)
Make a lovely, sunny writing room.
Let's go, mate. I want to
show you something down there.
(INDISTINCT LAUGHTER AND CHATTER)
happy to sign off on it.
- Hey.
- Oh! I've been looking for you.
Look, I think I'd put the land
in the children's trust fund,
and then I can put the
property in my name for us,
and Mary can't get her hands on it.
Oh, look, there he is.
Liam, the antagonist, the competitor.
Look at him, new member
of the white shoe brigade.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
Yeah, look, it'd be a
shame to cut this place up
into separate apartments.
It's absolutely stunning. Yeah.
You see, th that's the problem
with a lot of developers these days.
They come into heritage buildings,
they attack the building.
You can't you know, bring them back
once it's done, the damage is done.
This property's been the
lifeblood of our family
for generations.
JOE: Look, I would see myself
as a custodian of the property,
in the same way that you
have been and Erika has been.
PERCY: I know, I know.
JOE: It's a beautiful property, Percy.
Would you mind if I showed
Birdie the main bedroom?
Thank you.
- Thank you, Percy.
- You're welcome.
After you.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Go on, open them up.
Why didn't you tell me it was like this?
I, um
I have
a disgusting amount of money.
What?
I'm sorry. I
Always had a problem with trust.
I meant what I said at the gate.
I don't care about money.
I only care about you.
Yeah, I know.