Fame (1982) s01e04 Episode Script

I don't owe anybody, anything! I don't need you, Bruno! We don't need you! We had to give up the baby because he was running for the Senate.
- And that's the baby, grown up.
- You're my mother? I'd like to try it again, just without all these people watching.
What am I, R2-D2? You get to go to the benefit, everything.
You don't get to dance, but you still get to go as, like, my helper.
A helper? You got big dreams.
You want fame.
Well, fame costs and right here is where you start paying in sweat.
"Seventh Annual School of the Arts Benefit.
Performers needed from each class.
Students seeking audition time, contact Montgomery MacNeil.
" Contact Mr.
Montgomery MacNeil.
Ah, you can't have zits and be mister.
It's that I've seen fighters do it and I'm worried that you might be doing it too.
- I'm concerned, that's all.
- Pop, it's not the same kind of thing.
They've even got a phrase for it.
They all the time talk about a fighter leaving it in the gym.
- That means that they spar so much that- - I know what it means.
They ain't got anything left when the bell rings for the real fight.
You and your guys rehearse way past Carson's monologue.
I mean, I'm afraid you're gonna get stale.
Look, Pop, it's not like being a fighter.
Okay, Mr.
Wise Guy, you know so much, what is it like? It's kind of like making love.
It's always terrific, but it can always get better.
Pop! Workmen's comp don't cover that.
Why you always got your head buried in this thing? What's this all about? Leroy, get it straight.
This is my bible, all right? Bible? This is the first bible I've ever seen with ads for female mud wrestling in it.
Why don't you read the Daily News like everybody else? I'm looking for a place for my band to play, all right? Your band? Bruno says it's his band.
- It's his music.
My band, our sound.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, well, then, this is the paper you need to be reading.
Your Cousin Pauline stops by, you won't play for her.
Bruno, how you gonna make a name for yourself if you won't play for people? Word of mouth.
That's not funny, Bruno.
Not at these prices.
Hey, baby, what do you think about this gig for the band, huh? Hey, come on, Bruno.
I mean, all the money goes to the scholarship fund.
That's a good cause, right? I mean, and we'll get some exposure, man.
That's a better cause, don't you think so? So, what do you say, Bruno? - What do you want me to say? - Say, "Let's do it.
" The music's not ready.
Oh, I think that it is.
And so do the guys.
Look, I'm sorry, but no.
I thought Italians were supposed to take chances, be real gutsy.
- LikeJulius Caesar.
- You saw what happened to him.
Wait up! You know, it's not easy being a short person.
I mean, suppose you're a short guy dating Dolly Parton.
You'd catch a cold from standing in the shade all the time! Thank you.
Thank you.
Man! How do they do that? It always looks so easy when they do it.
And you know, it's not easy being a short person in a tough neighborhood.
I was brought up in a tough neighborhood.
My neighborhood was so tough that if you wanted leaded fuel the attendant would shoot you in the gas.
Oh, this stinks.
It's not even a joke.
It's a pun.
Dick Cavett's the only one I know who gets away with puns.
But what I really wanted to talk to you about is inflation.
There is so much inflation today.
Like yesterday, I went into the store- - Hi.
- How you doin'? Oh, great.
I was just checkin' out how they hang the lights.
It's good to know backstage stuff as well as onstage stuff.
Well, then, you'll probably want to know about this.
What is it? Read it and find out.
Hey, Danny? Cavett isn't the only one that does puns.
Groucho Marx used to do 'em all the time too.
Yeah.
See, the thing you have to avoid is specialization.
You want to be able to do as many things as possible.
Sing, act, dance, play an instrument.
But aren't you afraid that you're gonna be halfway good at lots of things - but not really good at anything? - No way.
I figure when my big chance comes along, I'll have so much adrenaline pumping that my so-so dancing will be Astaire and my so-so singing will be Streisand and my so-so violin will be Rubenstein.
- He plays the piano.
- You're kidding? The first of the month Shorofsky told me that I played the violin like Rubenstein.
- That old smurf.
- I wouldn't get on his case today.
You know, I heard his midterm proficiency exams, that they're the worst.
You have him first hour, don't you? Yeah.
But, you know, I'm really glad, because that way I get it over with.
I don't mind listening.
It's just getting up in front of everybody and doing it solo that gives me a rash.
Hey, you're wrong about those proficiency tests.
We do 'em alone for Shorofsky.
No, you're wrong.
We used to do them just for Shorofsky.
- Why'd he change that? - I'm not really sure.
Maybe to test our stage presence.
What stage presence? Curtain.
We did everything we could for him, but I'm afraid it wasn't enough.
We lost him in the recovery room.
Was there any pain? None.
We saw that he was comfortable until the end.
- Did he say anything? - He asked for a sip of water.
I gave him some.
And then he just slipped away.
Hold it.
Doris, what are you doing? - What do you mean? - You are telling these people that their beloved husband and father has just died.
You're telling it to them like G.
Gordon Liddy telling the White House that there is a teeny problem at the Watergate.
I mean, there's no warmth.
There's no consideration for their feelings.
- Well, I haven't slept in 48 hours.
- I beg your pardon? - Not me.
The doctor I'm playing.
- Where does it say that? Well, it doesn't.
But, in my offstage preparation I thought I'd give my character a realistic backstory.
That kind of thing happens all the time to doctors in big city hospitals.
It does.
It does.
But it doesn't give your fellow performers anything to respond to.
- Well, it just seemed realistic.
- Oh, it is.
It is.
But do you suppose you could find another realistic backstory for your doctor? One that allows for a little more feeling? Do you understand what I'm saying? Sure.
You're saying when I audition for the benefit, maybe I'd better sing, huh? It's worth a thought.
Mr.
Martelli.
We are waiting, Mr.
Martelli.
And uh! It hurts.
It's supposed to hurt.
There's no gain without strain.
Come on, stay with it! Five, four, three, two, come back up! One, hold, hold, hold! And done! You are your instruments.
And unless that instrument stays in Stradivarius shape all the things you're gonna want to do aren't gonna get done.
I know it's drudgery now, but- but- Sayonara.
! - I was awful.
- The vote is unanimous.
I'd like to try it again, just without all these people watching.
What am I, R2-D2? Not you.
Them.
Them? They're your friends.
You've played for them a hundred times.
But this is different.
This is like a courtroom with these people tryin' to decide whether I'm guilty or- You know what I mean.
I also know there's another class due here in about 45 seconds.
And every one of them is people.
Mr.
Martelli.
The first man to discover music eventually came out of the cave to let the rest of the tribe hear what he had done.
But maybe there was a better musician who stayed in the cave and never came out.
Just concentrated on making the music better.
For whom, Mr.
Martelli? For whom? Hey, baby! One more dance, then we really have to go.
Go where? To the cafeteria, to sign up for the benefit audition.
Look, I thought I told you- Come on, Bruno, "the music's not ready" number.
I mean, it's all right for the image, but come on.
I'm not talking image.
I am.
This is a mainline gig.
They advertise this in the New York Times.
Look, I gotta go.
Martelli, you know what you are? You're a rat fink, man! One more time.
There are five guys in that cafeteria waiting to strut their stuff to play music, your music, with you.
I mean, they've been practicing, hauling their stuff to your basement every night.
- So? - So you owe them.
You owe me.
I don't owe anybody, anything! That's fine, Bruno! That's really fine, man, you know! I don't need you, Bruno! We don't need you! That's really fine, Bruno! The hell it is.
Yeah! Goin' to town, boys- - That's fine.
That's enough.
- I wasn't finished yet.
Yeah, I know, but there are a lot of others waiting and we did hear enough of your act to judge it fairly.
Okay.
Well, am I in the show or not? I'll have to talk to the other members of my committee.
- Well, I have another number to do.
- Then do it in the hallway.
You saying I'm no good? No.
I'm working very hard not to say that.
You're not on this list, so you have to sign in.
Listen, I'm not here to audition, girl.
I want to talk to Montgomery, okay? No, but you can't.
Because he told me specifically that no one's to go in there.
Well, excuse me! I hope your stomach gets pleats.
Ah, forget about him.
Okay, what's your name? My name? What are you talking about? You know my name.
Doris, there are ways of doing things in an audition.
And this is my first chance, and I want to do it right.
Yesterday, a friend.
Today, she's David Merrick.
You heard me and Bruno and the guys, right? I thought that if you just listened to the tape, it would save a lot of time.
Well technically, you're supposed to audition in front of everybody.
Well, where does it say that? That's the way it's always been.
Montgomery, welcome to the 20th century.
Welcome to the world of electronics.
- Did that hurt any, huh? - No.
- Next! - Thank you.
Thank you.
Break a leg.
Name, please? Evita Perón.
Somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining- bright, shining bright.
The band is playing somewhere.
And somewhere hearts are light, but- You act like you never seen nobody read or something.
Sure.
You want a hint? - What kind of hint? - Well, the words rhyme.
I mean, if you're having trouble remembering the line.
"And somewhere men are laughing and somewhere children shout.
But there is no joy in Mudville, Mighty Casey has struck out.
" See, shout and out, they rhyme.
Why, that's shocking, Montgomery.
You know, I never would have seen this myself.
A poem with rhymes in it.
Wait till I tell everybody this.
Hey, I'm just tryin' to help.
I'm tryin' to keep you in a good mood.
Why you so worried about keeping me in a good mood? Mm, because you're in the show.
Don't tell anybody I told you, okay? "But there is no joy in Mudville, Mighty Casey has struck out!" That turkey.
Why do you want to know what I'm afraid of? It just came up in class today.
You know, what people are afraid of and how everyone's afraid of something.
Me, it's heights.
Hate heights.
I get palpitations if I have to take a fare over the Verrazano Bridge.
It's very funny that I'm afraid, right? Nah, it's just that a kid thinks his father can do anything.
Like the Dragonslayer.
- That's another thing I was afraid of.
- Dragons? No, the day you figured out that I was just me, no big deal, nothing special.
A father wants to be a hero to his kid.
Stick with being a father.
You'll do fine.
Hey, Bruno.
Bruno, don't put those on.
I wanna hear too.
Share, for Pete's sakes.
What do you do When you think the whole world is laughing at you Do you cry Or take a walk and wonder why Did you ever ask As the twilight rush hour faces pass Am I small Or can I fly above and conquer them all City sounds Form a music in my mind And the melody I pull from the air Makes me stronger every time Just bein'alone in the crowd With a song Singing alone in the crowd Nothin's wrong City sounds Form a music in my mind And the melody I pull from the air Makes me stronger every time Just bein'alone in the crowd With a song Singing alone in the crowd Nothin's wrong Alone in the crowd With a song Singing alone in the crowd Nothin's wrong Very nice, Mr.
Martelli.
Why couldn't something similar have happened in class the other day? Good question.
The problem is, I don't have a good answer.
It'll come, Mr.
Martelli.
It'll come.
Great.
When? Good answers aren't like trains.
They don't arrive on schedule.
Come to think of it, they are like trains.
Lydia, it's so monotonous running round and round some track.
If jogging is so boring, why not take a dance class? Oh, until I lose 1 0 pounds, nobody's getting me into a pair of tights.
Nobody.
Sounds like you've been talkin' to Leroy again.
No, I haven't, but I'm gonna have to- Ah, Montgomery, the audition results.
Yeah.
I'm gonna get these notices up and maintain a very low profile.
I hate delivering bad news.
- Montgomery? - Yeah? I'm afraid you've got more bad news to deliver than you know.
- I made it! - Ah! Congratulations.
- I didn't, and that's dumb.
- What's dumb? That my act didn't make it, and that her dumb act made it! That's dumb! You want to know what's dumb? I'll tell you what's dumb! Hey, you know what's dumb? Fighting about it, that's what's dumb.
Hey, maybe we can get an act together? Play a bit of cello, have a few gags.
Come on, huh, Julie? She's a dope.
We don't need her.
I don't get it, man.
How come my English teacher gets to say who dances and who doesn't? It's just a rule they have, Leroy.
If your academic grades aren't up to a certain- Ah, man, I got that Casey dude down pat.
What you talkin' about? Leroy, I don't make up the rules, okay? I hate this job.
I just want you to know that.
That don't do nothing for me! That don't do nothing for me! I could use a helper, like an assistant? You get to go to the benefit, everything.
You don't get to dance, but you still get to go as, like, my helper.
A helper? Man, you must be crazy! A helper! I look like a helper to you? No, man, you keep that trash.
Helper! I hate this job.
- Hey, watch it.
- Don't get all bent.
It was a accident.
I didn't figure you did it on purpose.
Look, I ain't in no mood for socializin'.
Next time, just give me some room.
What's the matter? I got aced out on those auditions.
That's what's the matter.
- Hey, I'm sorry.
- Hey, man, what do you care? You and your band made the list.
You ain't got nothin' to feel bad about.
Hey, wait.
What do you mean, my band made the list? How could my band make the list? I didn't even au- I'll kill her.
Curtain.
We did everything we could for him.
But I'm afraid it wasn't enough.
We lost him in the recovery room.
- Was there any pain? - None.
We saw that he was comfortable until the end.
Did he say anything? He asked for a sip of water, and I gave him some.
And then he just slipped away.
Mother of mercy! Doris- What are you doing? Well, my backstory is is that the man who just died and I had an affair 20 years ago when I was in medical school, and I got pregnant.
We had to give up the baby because he was running for the Senate and he convinced his wife to adopt the baby.
- And that's the baby, grown up.
- You're my mother? Yeah.
Only you don't know it.
Oh, the family resemblance would have given it away for sure.
Well what do you think? Coco, you know what your band needs for the show? Someone who knows how to play the maracas.
Look.
I spoke to Leroy, and he said that you were sort of irritated about the audition.
Sort of irritated- Is that what he said? Well, he used a more colorful phrase.
I told you how I felt, and you just ignored me.
Bruno, you can't turn your back on this, man.
William Morris is gonna have agents there.
This is big-time stuff.
I don't care about William Morris.
I don't care about the benefit.
I don't- Don't let me stop you.
Continue whatever you were doing.
Forget it.
I'll find someplace else to work.
I love you, honey, more than words can say.
Oh, I love you, my honey, more and more every day.
My love is hot like steamin' fire but pure as driven snow.
That's how I love you, honey, and I need for you to know.
Then it goes into the chorus.
That's all that "do-wa-do-wa" stuff.
- Of course.
- I got more.
- More what? - More song lyrics memorized.
I figure you'd give me extra credit for extra memorizing.
Let me be in the benefit or somethin'.
Leroy, that assignment wasn't about memorizing.
Then how come you asked us to memorize it? That don't make much sense to me.
Well, the theory is that getting the book out of your hands will help you understand the words the thoughts and the rhyme schemes more readily.
I guess all that means is no extra credit for memorizing words to a song.
No.
I'm sorry, but no.
Okay.
How about if I write a poem then? Leroy, when I said no to your being in the benefit, I was going by the rules.
In a way, I gave my word.
I can't go back on that word now even if I want to.
- Do you want to? - It's tempting.
- So, will you? - Not on a bet.
Well, it don't make much difference to me anyway.
It doesn't? No.
'Cause I got people there that want to see me there.
They know it's not gonna be the same unless I'm there.
Like Montgomery, for instance.
He's gettin' me in.
Doing what, if you don't mind my asking? Well, I'm sort of like his chief helper, so to speak.
- I mean, I got picked specially.
- Congratulations.
Thank you.
I'm proud about it.
Real proud.
What you doin' in here? I'm only out of the show.
I'm not out of the school.
Neither am I.
She ain't got no right to put me out anyway.
This is the School for the Arts, not for some dumb poem.
Right.
Anyway, I don't need no dumb benefit.
I do my thing anywhere.
I can't.
When you dance, all you need is music.
To tell jokes, you have got to have an audience.
It's just not the same as you.
You're right.
It's a lot tougher for me.
Tougher for you? How do you figure that? - Anybody can tell a joke.
- Okay.
Tell one.
Me? Hey, it's easy.
You just said so.
So go ahead.
I'm here.
Anytime you're ready.
There once was this white boy who could dance really good.
Now that's really a joke.
You're right.
It's real good.
It must be something like loving to pilot a plane and being afraid to fly.
- Whatever that means.
- You.
Loving music and being too terrified of people to perform.
I'd wager the rest of your band would love the chance to play for the William Morrises and other such people.
Mr.
Shorofsky, I'm not like the rest of the band.
You're telling me? Besides, concert halls are a thing of the past.
Home entertainment, that's where it's at.
If people want to hear me, they can go out and buy my tape.
And what do you buy to hear the people? The experience of music is a dialogue, Mr.
Martelli.
Dialogue.
Two voices.
The musician's and the people who are listening.
It's a conversation between you and your audience.
That hushed sound you hear before the music begins- That's an audience saying, "Yes, I want to hear.
" And the applause at the conclusion that's the audience saying, "Thank you for sharing with me.
" You don't want that? You don't need that? The audience doesn't always react with approval.
Not always.
I think I'll pass on that.
It's like a church.
This? Places where the people are all facing in the same direction, they're magic.
People just sort of become one, they unify.
Cathedrals have it, theaters, temples.
- Toilets.
- Lookin' good, Montgomery.
Thanks.
Anybody else waitin' outside? Yes.
Coco and her group were in the elevator right after us.
Good evening.
Still mad? What do you think? Leroy, it isn't the end of the world.
You're not kicked out of school.
You're out of one show.
For all you know, it might be a terrible show.
Oh, it's gonna be a terrible show, all right.
'Cause I ain't in it.
- No way! Forget it.
- Why? Because I don't need you to introduce me.
Montgomery is the emcee.
Montgomery? He's good for the other acts.
You need someone special.
- Meaning you.
- I know it's immodest.
It's impossible.
And besides, it's not gonna happen.
Out, please.
Excuse.
Hey, Bruno! Hey, baby, I thought you would come.
Don't start with baby and don't get the wrong idea.
I told the guys they could use my stuff.
So as soon as my dad and the freight elevator bring up the amps we're going to the Knicks game.
Good evening.
Can I help you? Yes.
We're from the William Morris Agency.
- I imagine we're on the list.
- You bet.
This young lady will be happy to show you to your table.
- You're really an agent? A real one? - Yes.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Is that the dress you're gonna wear? Something wrong with it? It's just that it's a real hot night and you're liable to sweat like anything in it.
That is the most incredibly gross thing anyone has ever said to me! You are just the "El Scuzzo" of all time! What happened? It's just a brownout.
Danny, if it makes you feel better, okay.
But I think you should know that what you're squeezing is my purse.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, all right.
We are privileged to visit a more genteel time until the generators take over again and bring us back to the 20th century with all its benefits and its detriments.
Now there's no music at all, with Bruno or without him.
Yeah, and with agents here.
Can you believe it? Yeah, I'm sort of new in New York.
Do these things last a long time? The last one lasted 1 8 hours.
Well, at least it's romantic.
Spoken like an actress.
I study acting, but actually, I'm a cellist.
So? Spoken like a cellist.
There you go.
Two for the price of one.
That's really good.
Do you have to sound so surprised? Well, Danny, you don't exactly have the reputation of being Einstein, you know.
And I don't have the reputation of being stupid either.
I said I don't have the reputation of being stupid either.
- Did I ever tell you the joke- - Don't tell me any jokes, okay? Are they that bad? I'm scared.
And when I'm scared, I don't laugh at jokes.
If I don't laugh, you'll get mad at me.
And I just don't think I could handle that right now, okay? Okay.
So, what do we talk about? We could talk about why you don't like me and why you say cruel things to me.
I don't say cruel things.
I make jokes, that's all.
Yeah, and sometimes they're cruel.
- Really? - Yeah.
Really.
Maybe it's because I wanted to be in the show more than I realized.
- How do you do? - What? I'm Doris Schwartz.
You come here often, Mr.
- Danny Amatullo.
Pleased to meet you, Mr.
Amatullo.
Likewise, Ms.
Schwartz.
You look very attractive in that dress.
How long do you think this could last? Oh, a couple of hours is usually about all.
William Morris agents don't wait a couple of hours for anybody least of all, a bunch of kids.
Why? Are they afraid of the dark? This is such a joke to you, isn't it? Well, no show for you, no basketball game for me.
I think we came out about even.
No, we didn't.
No, we didn't.
And when I tell stories and stuff real stories about things that really happened I'm afraid they won't be as interesting.
So I add stuff and I make up stuff so everyone will think it's funny.
But then the stories aren't as true anymore either.
Sometimes, I think I shouldn't worry about how much they laugh.
Maybe I don't need 1 0 phony laughs for each story.
Maybe one real laugh is enough.
What do you think? I think you should tell them about you.
About stuff that happens, and it's funny and it's real.
- You think so? - I think so.
Like maybe, there were these two kids stuck in an elevator.
Why don't you save that story for when you introduce me? Listen to how quiet.
God forgive us.
We created a generation that cannot make music without woofers and tweeters and amps and preamps.
These children need batteries to whistle.
- What are you doing? - They want to go.
They have another show to catch downtown.
If they're gonna make it, they have to leave now.
Why do they have to leave now? Coco, they have 36 flights to walk down.
It's our fault, not theirs.
We allowed them to grow up weak, without standards.
And when a generator a hundred miles away goes kaput, they go kaput too.
Very sad.
They're on their way out the door, man.
Look, Coco, I don't care about people like that, agents and managers.
Besides, with the power out, it won't sound as good as it should.
Bruno, any music we make is gonna sound better than silence.
And if you can't care about people like agents can you care about people that you go to school with? All right! - All right! - Boo! Boo! Boo! You've just been booed, Mr.
Martelli.
And the men of William Morris were watching the pretty girls dance.
They didn't hear a note of your music.
Did you die? Did the world come to an end? Are you still young and well and whole? Yes, sir.
You don't get applause unless you grow.
And you don't grow unless you are courageous enough to be bad.
Though I don't think your music will get booed very often.
Show business is my life.
Come on.
Let's go.
It's showtime.
- We can't let this go to waste.
- What are you talking about? The time we had.
I mean, we were really honest with each other.
People in show business never get those kind of times.
I mean, they're usually too shallow or too tied up with their own egos.
But you and me, we got past that and we just can't forget it.
I mean, there are more important things than egos and putting on shows.
We just always have to remember that.
We'll always remember.
Hey, everybody! It's showtime!