F*%#Ing Adelaide (2017) s01e04 Episode Script

1
(BUSTLING STREET,
DISTANT CHATTER IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
We're going to get arrested for this.
You want me to stop?
Don't you fucking dare.
(MOANS)
No more of this with a kid,
you know that? No more.
No more jumping from country
to country. No more adventure.
Just babies and vomiting and shit
Oh, my God
I don't want to stop.
You know we'll have to go home, Baby.
We can't do this at home.
I want adventure. I want vomiting.
I want everything.
I want everything for you.
For me?
And for me.
And for you.
I want babies and excitement
and adventure.
(MOANS)
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
I thought you liked Adelaide?
I do. I love it.
Well,
now we're staying a bit longer.
But I gotta set up the show, Dad.
That's why I started now
because you said we have time now.
I need your help today, Babe.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Well, it's good to finish
the things you start, Hon?
Just stay out here with me,
give your mum some space, yeah?
Hey, did you rebook our flights yet?
I cancelled today's ones. Why?
Military Police
are giving Saadya shit.
The next drawdown
didn't come through.
Now apparently the septic's blocked
over the whole
Mum, can I go inside and set up?
Yeah, course you can.
Maybe maybe if we just re-book
the flights for next week.
You know, it's not so bad being
away from a crisis zone, is it?
You know, Adelaide makes me horny.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
What is it? Is it the $96 fine
for skating without a helmet?
Now I'm a criminal.
You know, I used to get up to a lot
of criminal activity in that cubby.
Oh.
Your fuck cubby makes me horny.
Your old bedroom makes me horny
..all those Mariah Carey CDs,
oh, fuck.
Oh, why didn't Mum tell me
that she was still married to him?
Shhh, Babe, shh. Think of Mariah
I just
I never would have left them
if I'd known
that he was still in the picture.
Urgh, Toby, this isn't going to work.
Give me a second. Let me finish.
I just I want to sell the house
and give him his money
and get out of here.
You know, Mum told me this morning
that she's been dealing
directly with him and the agent.
I just I didn't even know
he was still in the picture.
What if we can't find a buyer?
What if we
Oh, don't worry about it.
I'll fix the fence today, OK?
It'll be ready for the agent
to inspect tomorrow
One step at a time.
I'll finish this
and then I'll help you relax.
Oh, relax, huh?
I got you, Babe.
♪Acceptance
♪Finish
♪Finish
♪Oh, yeah
♪Accept it, accept it
♪Relax
♪Acceptance
♪Finish, finish
♪Yeah
♪Acceptance
♪Acceptance
♪Relax
♪Acceptance
♪Finish, finish
♪Yeah
♪Yeah
♪Accept it, accept it
♪Relax
♪Yeah
♪Acceptance
♪Finish
♪Yeah
♪Yeah
♪Accept it, accept it
♪Yeah. ♪♪
Oh, fence bit the dust, eh?
Eli, buddy, can you give us a hand?
(URINATES) Ahhhhhhhhh
Can you believe this shit about Mum?
I mean, why the hell would
she stay married to that prick?
I don't know, Bud. I'm just trying
to get this fence sorted.
You know, I haven't seen him
since I was a kid?
Like, 18 fucking years.
I was just a kid.
I never even got to
I can sing, you know?
Sure.
Maybe, I don't know.
Eli, could I have a hand please?
And I will stop her from
selling this house if I have to.
He is not getting a cent.
Geoff will be expecting his money,
mate, so best move on, hey?
What do you mean "expecting"?
Well
..he and Maude
have been working with the agent.
She's been talking to him?
Yeah, sure.
You didn't Emma said
What? You're telling me
that Mum has been talking to Geoff
and a real estate agent?
Together?
How long have they been talking for?
Years?
Like, this whole time?
I don't know, man.
Eli?
Mum!
Babe,
the fence is looking pretty good.
Shh. No,
we cancelled the flights yesterday.
I was told the fare was flexible.
Hey, what did you say to Eli?
No, what change fee?
Yeah, but I don't understand.
So, why isn't next week's flight
valid?
Look at this, Babe.
Look at this fucking piece of work.
Well, I'm not paying that much.
You just keep giving me the KPIs,
Baby,
and I'll knock 'em down for you.
Mm-hm,
yeah,
yep, mm-hm.
Well,
maybe I'll speak to your manager.
Maybe I can manage you myself.
Hey, guys I Oh, my God.
Since when don't you knock?
Since when do you?
Where have you been?
What do you mean?
I moved out.
Hasn't anyone even noticed?
Whatever. Fine.
You're leaving today,
I'm just back to say goodbye.
I don't live here anymore, OK?
I'm not coming back
so Mum can make her own cups of tea.
Well, it looks like we'll be
sticking around a little bit longer.
What? Why?
We've had some new information
and
Toby
Information?
About what?
Well,
fence still needs painting so
(BOTH ARGUE)
Shit.
I've always been
I've got his fucking number.
Shit.
Do not call him, Eli.
I'm gonna call him.
Hello! Hey.
Hey. Couch guy.
Close. Julian.
Julian. How are ya?
This used to be a hole.
That's how I got in before.
Eli around?
Yeah, I don't know, man.
Now's probably not the best time
to pay a visit.
Ah.
Family drama?
I should let you head back in.
Yeah, not me. I'm just out here
working. Heaps to do.
I don't know.
Looks pretty done to me.
No, it's not done.
Righto.
Lovely home you've got.
Not my home.
Oh. Right.
Pity.
OK. I'll leave you to it. See ya.
See you, Buddy.
Eli. Eli.
What did you say to him?
I said he was a creep
and he's not getting shit.
I told him that this is our house
and he should have given it to us
18 years ago.
What did he sound like?
I don't want him back here.
I don't want him around my daughter.
I can't wait
to get out of this shit hole.
I swear, there used to be
an escape hole here.
Did he ask about me?
You should not have called him.
Like you can talk.
You've been lying to us
for 18 years.
What do you do?
You call you call on the weekend
for a cup of tea
and tell him
how we're all still fuck-ups?
Is that what you do, Mum?
Can I have his number, Eli?
ELI AND MAUDE: No!
If you'd told me, Mum, I could've
stayed and I could've helped.
I never asked for that.
Yeah, but
You would never have wanted it.
You needed to to get out.
What are you doing?
I was I was fixing the fence
and then I just noticed the cubby
needed some love so
So, it does.
Old thing.
You know, those rare times that you
would come back to visit, Emma,
you and Kitty
would have secret meetings out here.
Yep. So?
Kitty,
you would sit out here for hours
and you would tell Emma
all about school and art and boys.
They were secret meetings.
Well, I used to stand out there
and I would listen in.
And then I had to
report back to you, Eli,
because you wouldn't come outside.
I had sensitive skin.
I know. Mozzies and shit.
I stayed married to that man,
to Geoff, all these years.
I kept the peace because I wanted to
keep this place for you.
Not for me. For you.
It was so hard kicking him out.
You know, if I'd had to ask him
for a divorce
So I kept him
on the fringes of my life
so you would never have to
deal with him in yours.
And I never told you, Emma,
because
..precisely so you could leave.
I wanted you to go.
Well, now you're all grown up.
You don't need me, you don't need
this house and so I am selling it.
For me, not for you.
I'm selling it for me.
I have made this choice for me,
and I do not care about the money.
And neither should you.
Why the fuck did you call him, Eli?
Mum, wait
Hey.
It's pretty nice here.
Warm.
I can see why
she wanted to keep the place.
It's a pretty nice cubby.
This is fucking hot. Your old
bedroom. Your old fuck cubby.
I'm so fucken hard
for your fuck cubby right now.
Yeah? You're so
Wait. Wait. Wait, you need to
OK?
Is it good?
Yeah.
Hey, we can't be long.
We have to paint the fence
for the agent tomorrow.
Well, why don't we just
buy the house ourselves, you know?
What are you talking about?
We could buy Geoff out if it helps.
And what? Live in Adelaide?
Yeah, why not?
You know you've always
You've always regretted
abandoning everyone here.
Hey, there's things I regret
but that's for me to deal with, Toby.
That's not for you to fix, OK?
I'm just trying to help you relax,
Babe, OK?
This is just about me, is it?
And you don't get anything
out of this?
Jesus, Emma
What about our work in Thailand?
What about our lives
out in the world, huh?
Everything that we've made.
I'm not saying that, Babe,
but Cleo is at that age right now.
Because I thought
that's what you wanted too.
Isn't it?
Of course it is.
I better get back to work.
Dad, can you come inside
and see my
You know
you were supposed to help me today.
Yeah, but I was..
When you start something,
you have to finish it.
Dad, I just want to show you
No, Cleo!
I still got to paint
the fucking thing.
But it's dark.
Go inside, Cleo.
♪Finish, finish, finish ♪♪
(CLANG!)
Fuck!
Abracadabra!
♪I won't be a winner
♪Yeah
♪You won't be a winner
♪Yeah
♪You can just tell
♪You can just tell
♪I can just tell
♪You can just tell
♪That I'll never make it
♪Yeah
♪You can just tell
♪I can just tell
♪I can just tell
That I'll never make it. ♪♪