Fired on Mars (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

1
♪
[Clatter]
♪
[Sighs]
[Clatter intensifies]
Whoa! Uh, h-hey Jeff.
Martin, hey, come on in.
Just caught me
in the middle of something.
I actually started putting
together a handout
I'm planning to share
with some of the people
here in the colony.
You're welcome
to take a few.
Something to drink?
Uh, no, thanks Jeff.
So, I see you're
pretty busy here,
but I actually have
a proposal for you.
Uh, a job.
A job?
Yeah, yeah, we had an opening
down in logistics, and, well,
I thought
you'd be perfect for it.
Oh, yeah.
I just, uh
I'm just thinking about
how that might slot in.
Now, are we talking about
full-time here, or just?
Jesus Christ, Jeff.
What is that?
Oh, that's, ah,
"Jeff's Village."
If you look closely, you'll see
that each terrarium
is its own little ecosystem!
[Insect buzzing]
Ah, Jeff. Fuck.
I've just been so alone.
Well, at least you didn't get
into the labels again, right?
Totally, yeah.
Of course not.
♪
You know, as important as my
projects and research have been,
this is actually a good time
for me to press pause.
Get a change of perspective,
maybe a hair more structure.
And frankly, you never know
where inspiration might strike.
Oh, yeah.
A lot of inspiration
down here.
Sluggo's full of inspiration.
So, "Sluggo",
that's an interesting name.
I'm not sure I've heard it
around these parts.
Jeff,
meet Sluggo Buchinsky.
You're his assistant.
Alright, you two morons
take it from here.
Hello, Mr. Buchinsky.
It's a real pleasure
to make your acquaintance
Shh. Quiet!
[Distorted upbeat music plays]
[Sluggo laughing]
Okay, yeah.
'Nuf fun.
Suit up.
♪
We pat this 'ere,
before we go out there.
Is fer luck.
'N ya need luck out there.
Pat.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
♪
[Wind whistling]
♪
Wow
this is it.
Houston, we have a
opposite of a problem.
'Nuf pissin'.
Let's get to work.
We movin' this pile
from here
to there.
Okay, I think I got that,
and, well,
forgive me
if I'm overreaching here,
but did Martin give you a sense
of why we're doing this?
From here to there.
Ya got me?
From here.
To there.
Right.
♪
Guess I won't be engaging
certain faculties
on this go-round.
But nothing wrong with that.
Good to give the old noggin
a rest from time to time.
Never know when you'll have to
be ready to leap back into
action.
Uh, [Clears throat]
Mr. Buchinsky?
A robot banana cart
just exited the colony
and went into a restricted cave.
Not our job.
Right. Yeah.
Well, it's just that,
what if there's, uh
some kind of glitch and there's
a bunch of food
getting wasted and, uh
hoo!
[Exhales]
Understood, sir.
Loud and clear.
Hey, Sluggo.
Howdy, Crystal.
And you're Jeff?
Yep.
The new guy.
Just, uh,
helping Mr. Buchinsky
here do what he does best.
Right, Mr. Buchinsky?
[Chuckles]
[Coughs]
Okay.
Just gonna grab
a quick baseline to start.
And then we'll take a look
at your skin.
Any weird health things
or ongoing issues?
Um, well, I guess my mouth
has been a little dry lately?
Uh, probably just need
more water.
I try to be a three-liters-a-day
guy and, uh
y'know, I used to drink
a lot of milk, too.
I guess, I dunno,
maybe all kids do.
Though I did have a friend
who only drank goat milk.
His mother was, y'know,
very old older woman.
[Door slams]
Night, Crystal.
Night, Jeff.
Oh, and, uh,
a couple weeks ago, I died.
Was that you?
I heard about that!
That was some
really sick shit.
They totally forgot about you,
and you were stuck
in a tank
choking on your own feces.
I mean,
what did that feel like?
Well, I, uh
[Chuckles]
I wouldn't know.
I was asleep.
Er, yeah, dead, actually.
Well, glad you're okay.
See you in a week
to check how you're doing.
Great. Yeah.
I will see you later
doctor.
[Distorted upbeat music plays]
♪
[Alarm beeping]
[Beeping stops]
Well, I been workin'
in a coal mine ♪
Goin' down, down ♪
Workin' in a coal mine ♪
Whew! About to slip down ♪
Workin' in a coal mine ♪
Goin' down, down ♪
Workin' in a coal mind ♪
Whew! About to slip down ♪
Five o'clock in the morning ♪
I'm up before the sun ♪
Goddamn it!
I'm too tired for havin' fun ♪
I been workin'
in a coal mine ♪
Goin' down, down ♪
Workin' in a coal mine,
whew! ♪
Hmm
E-Everything okay
back there?
Just the handheld scanner's
a little finicky.
You know, I think I'm gonna
need to do some more
in-depth tests
later this week.
Maybe you could come down
to the lab some evening?
Or we could even do it
at one of our places.
Sure!
Yeah. I, uh
I mean, of course I'll have to
check my calendar, but, uh
no, that sounds good,
and, uh
I'll be in touch.
♪
[Cellphone vibrates]
"My place"?
[Chuckles]
♪
Oh, no.
No, no, no!
♪
Shit, shit, shit.
[Cellphone chimes]
Oh!
Oh, oh! Oh, fuck!
Oh, my God!
Okay. It's okay.
We can do this.
Crystal: Hey!
Sorry I'm late.
Some of the larvae
have been pupating,
and it's just
a really exciting moment.
[Chuckles nervously]
Yeah, no, I haven't
been here long at all.
You going in?
After you, doctor.
♪
Cool place.
Don't you have
the exact same one, Jeff?
Right, but yeah, mine's
it's it's on the other side,
so it's kind of a very similar
but just, uh
Jeff, do you have something
in your pocket?
Yeah.
What is it?
It's It's a funny story,
but, um
♪
So you really thought
it was a good idea
to come over here
with your finger in your pocket?
Well, it wasn't in my pocket
when I left.
But yeah.
And as far as I can see,
the cold air completely
cauterized the wound.
Now you just gotta
make friends
with the guys down
in cybernetics.
Whoa.
A couple of months ago,
some idiot
stole all the labels
from the lab,
so our stuff got all mixed up,
acid spilled all over my thumb,
and anyway,
it was pretty bad.
That's terrible.
So, no idea who took
those labels, huh?
Eh, it's okay.
Felt strange for like a week,
but now I don't even notice it.
Plus
Can't draw Sir Spidington
with a regular thumb, can you?
That's pretty good.
All right, all right.
Where were we before
you started falling apart?
[Whirring]
You know what?
Screw the tests.
You thirsty?
I mean, of course I believe
in nature, biology,
evolutionary game theory.
You know, material reality.
But then at the same time,
my job is deconstructing
everything
under microscopes all day.
And you see enough endlessly
algorithmically perfect fractals
and suddenly it's like,
maybe we are just bopping around
in some weird
Christian video game.
And, like, Jesus was actually
just one of the programmers
who made an avatar of himself
so he could enter the game
and warn us that
if we don't follow the rules,
our code-souls
would get trapped
in an infinite loop
of torture, i.e. Hell.
And my ex was like, "You can't
believe both of those things."
I don't know why
it bothers me.
He probably was just trying
to piss me off.
Okay, don't make me
shit-talk alone.
Let's hear about yours.
She's in brand partnerships
but also very interested
in social media
and wellness, I guess.
I-I don't know.
Yeah, I'd say we could lose just
about every one of those people
and things would keep
humming along just fine.
But you
without guys like you,
this place falls apart overnight.
I mean, I move rocks.
I wish I could say I chose it,
but the truth is, it chose me.
Maybe sometime I can
come watch you and Sluggo
move some of those rocks.
Whoa, whoa, you come to the
rock pile, you gotta haul, baby!
[Both laugh]
You know
You're fresh out
of a relationship.
I'm fresh out
of a relationship.
What if we
just used each other
for a rebound?
♪
[Yawns]
♪
Shit!
God damn it.
What is it
with these banana carts?
Mr. Buchinsky, sorry
I'm late.
It's just, I saw another one
of those banana carts and
oh!
Martin was down here earlier.
Made me look bad,
my assistant not being present.
Anyhow,
get yer gear together.
We on rat-walk.
[Screeching]
♪
[Screeching]
[Vacuum whirs]
♪
The birds are sweetly singing,
the sun is shining bright ♪
But in our place of torment,
it is as black as night ♪
Our lamps, they burn a-dimly,
our food is nearly gone ♪
Death wraps his cloak around,
so we'll be carried home ♪
[Rats screeching]
♪
Aww.
Hey there, little fella.
You're not a rat.
Don't worry, buddy.
I won't let 'em turn you
into hog-chow
with the rest
of these dirty ol' things.
Oh, you're a smart little guy,
aren't you?
Look at you.
I think I'm gonna call you
Socrates.
Jeff!
Why you just let one go?
Oh, yeah sorry,
Mr. Buchinsky, but sir,
that wasn't actually
a-a rat
oh!
[Electronic dance music
playing]
[People laughing]
Hey, 'scuse me?
'Scuse me.
Hey, can I get a refill
on the Prosecco?
Hey, you know what, let me
get a round for the table.
This stuff is juicy good.
Fuckin' Ted.
Aah! Ow! Ow!
[Rats squeaking]
Aaaah!
Ow! Ow!
Teeeeeeeeed!
♪
Stomp 'em! C'mon!
Don't just sit there.
[Squelching, rats screeching]
♪
[Cellphone chimes]
♪
[Romantic music plays]
[Knock on door]
Oh. Jeff.
No.
You look like
you could use a Malbec.
Jeff, what is this?
A full-bodied red
notes of dark fruit.
Slightly smoky finish.
This isn't a date.
I'm here to actually
run tests.
[Chuckles] Yeah.
Ready when you are, doc.
Look, we both needed
a rebound, and we had one.
And now that's over.
Like we discussed.
Right, no, yeah.
Totally.
Let's, uh
Let's do the tests.
[Whirring]
[Clears throat]
So, random question
have you ever seen "Casablanca"?
[Sighs]
[Music shuts off]
Jeff, last night,
when we,
you know, processed
our break-ups,
I chose to be
honest with you,
and I think I owe
that to you now, as well.
I don't have room
for a relationship.
I only have room for work.
So, as I said before,
this?
Is not happening.
Okay?
No, I-I-I know that.
Why would you think
I-I didn't know that?
Your outfit.
The wine?
Yeah, well, this is how I dress,
and this is what I drink.
So deal with it.
I mean, I'm actually annoyed
we aren't working more.
Y'know, more tests, alright?
That's what I want!
Thank you!
Okay. As long as you
understand my position.
[Whirring]
[Soft piano music plays]
♪
[Birds chirping,
waves crashing]
♪
[Music, atmospheric sounds
continue on radio]
[Cellphone honks]
Jaaaaax. What up?
Just seeing if you wanted
to swing by
for a little boys' night.
Why're'nt we being hanging
out more?
Dude, I we should totally
hit up the gym tomorrow.
I mean, get shredded.
Just shred, shred, shr
[Glass shatters]
Oh, man.
Oh, boy.
Oh. [Chuckles] Okay.
Anyways, I love you, bro.
I said it, I believe it.
You're fucking cool.
Straight up. Okay.
Oh, shit.
My man,
somebody's ready to party.
Jax!
Jax: [Sighs]
Let me guess
Miss Brainiac had
a change of heart.
Her? Ah, sh
Maybe. I don't
I mean, who even fucking cares?
That's my take on it
'cause [Shudders]
She used me, man.
[Sighs]
Of course she did.
She's a scientist.
The world's their petri dish,
and we're the lab rats.
Here.
Eat this whole thing,
then it's lights out.
And with the colony's
anniversary
right around the corner,
you know we're going to
celebrate in style
Mars style.
Get all that broth
down, too.
Folks, we're trying something
really crazy this year.
Not only will Falco be making
his first public appearance
since returning from the
Democratic Republic
of the Congo,
but we've been
brainstorming, and, well,
he came up with something
so far outside the box,
it's literally
on another planet.
The entire Marsiversary event
is going to be designed
on Mars.
We've got world-renowned
graphic designer,
Midori Yamamoto,
on her way there as we speak.
We're just so excited to
finally have some creative
graphic-design talent on Mars.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, yeah, sure, Crystal,
a little "no strings attached"
sexual one-off, right.
Except for the part where you
told me about the summer
you spent, the magical summer
in South Carolina,
and you spooned me
half the night!
Yeah, "caj," Crystal.
Real "caj."
And, Martin, ohh,
thank you so much for the job.
Fucking around with rocks
and rats
and some weird little
punching man!
And sure, why don't we fly up
a new graphic designer
while we're at it.
[Whirring]
Fuck!
[Jeff grunts]
Sluggo: Jeff!
What the hell you doin'?
Jeff! Jeff,
where the hell you goin'?
Get back here!
♪
[Panting]
Whoa, what is this place?
♪
Crystal: Over the course of
the last several months,
this latest subject has been
exposed to approximately
300 hours
of surface radiation.
Mostly while doing manual labor.
So, overall, he's a good analog
for the type of exposure
we'll experience during our
departure and building phases.
The subject shows
signs of degeneration,
increased confusion,
social impairment,
and, of course, physically,
but it's tricky to gauge
because his baseline readings
were already so below average.
Scroll back.
Is that the lighting or does
the boy possess no buttocks?
What the fu?
Is that m
Oh! Aah!
[Grunts]
Ah. Oh.
Martin, hey.
Hey.
[Grunts, thuds]
♪
Man: I don't see any other
option for the young interloper.
Hey! Hello?
Yeah, excuse me!
It's been about eight to 11
hours since my last meal.
And also, yeah, my jar here,
as you can see,
it's getting a bit full.
Haven't had anything to drink,
but, it's it's
still coming out here, so
Hey, come on!
Crystal.
Crystal!
How long are you gonna
keep me in here?
You use me for sex,
then you trap me in a room?!
"Welcome to Mars, baby!"
Man: However gruesome
it may seem,
and however much it may offend
our peaceful sensibilities.
I'm sorry, I don't see
any other option
for the young interloper
Oh, God.
I mean, he's definitely
the most obnoxious person
I ever met in my life,
but he's not a bad guy.
But is anyone gonna
miss him? Really?
I think the word here
is "collateral damage."
All in favor?
All: Aye!
What?
Collateral damage?
[Glass shatters]
Ow! Oh, God, no.
♪
[Panting]
Whoa!
♪
God, no.
[Sobbing]
It's over, Jeff.
I've buried myself alive!
[Sobbing]
[Squeaking]
Wait
Socrates?
[Squeaking]
Help me, help me, Socrates.
Yeah, yeah, lead me to safety!
Right? You can do that,
can't ya, boy?
My little hero,
my tiny little hero.
Thank you.
Thank you, Socrates.
Yes, crawl towards freedom.
I'll follow you.
Aah! Oh!
[Grunting]
- and in just a few months time
the entire colony will be
transformed into a celebration
of innovation and exploration.
That's right, Marsiversary,
folks, and you better
believe we'll be broadcasting
[Distant groaning]
every last second of
I'm sorry, what is that sound?
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, please.
Someone, please
please please help me.
Aah!
Oh-hoo!
[Sighs]
Now, Jeff, for both our sakes,
I really hope
you've got a good
explanation for this one.
A lot of us are very curious
as to what you were doing
climbing around
in unauthorized areas.
I, uh [Clears throat]
I don't know
what to tell ya, Darren.
I just follow the rats.
[Sighs]
You know, this colony
may seem like a slick,
well-oiled machine.
"Nothing ever goes wrong!
It's too boring!"
I mean, that's what people say
around here, right?
[Chuckles]
But things do go wrong, Jeff.
Things go missing
food.
Supplies.
Labels.
I've seen evidence
that suggests
possible criminal
activities, Jeff.
And I want to be super sure
that if you had any knowledge
of anything like that,
you would tell me about it.
Because if you didn't,
there could be some very,
very, very
serious consequences.
I just follow the rats,
like I said.
♪
Hey, um, since you're here,
I wanna run something by you.
What do you think?
Team's making some really
stellar progress, huh?
Is that the tank?
Ding, ding, ding!
Correcto!
We good here?
Oh, of course, of course,
don't let me keep you.
Go!
Go, get the fuck out of here!
Get out of here!
Ah.
So that's where all
the eclairs went.
Can I have one?
Half.
I heard Darren was looking
for you.
Did you talk to him?
Yep.
Did you tell him about
you know?
No. I don't know.
Our little club.
Oh, that? No.
No, I did not tell him
about that.
Really?
Really.
Why?
Because I like you.
Okay.
Even after?
Even after you dumped me,
yeah, then planned to kill me.
Well, I didn't really
"dump you," Jeff.
But you did plan
to kill me.
Well
I wouldn't put it like that,
necessarily, but
I could see how you might
have gotten that idea.
♪
[Snoring]
[Doorknob rattling]
[Door opens]
[Muffled shouting]
♪
Man:
A dreamer is one who can only
find his way by moonlight
His punishment?
He sees the dawn
before the rest of the world.
♪
Join us, Jeffrey.
♪
in the light of a new day.
♪