Generation Kill (2008) s01e04 Episode Script
Combat Jack
Stand by for tasking.
Over.
Roger.
Standing by to copy.
Over.
First Recon battalion reinforced.
Be prepared for relief in place no later than 1900 Zulu.
Over.
Solid copy on relief in place.
Over.
What you got, playboy, what you got? All right, do "platoon," bro.
Hey, white boys, what you waiting for? That hole ain't gonna dig itself.
Put your dick skin into it.
Dig! - What color are you? - Shit, what you know about that? - That was pretty good.
- Gimme something that hurts.
- What about Big Lebowski? - Big Lebowski.
All right.
"Darker than a black steer's tookus " Hey, Brad, working those deltoids, that's good.
Shit, too easy.
Give me something real, man.
- Do The Rock.
- How about The Rock? Brother, you need a friend? "Your best? "Losers only complain about their best.
"Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
"She was the prom queen.
" It's jacked, dawg.
We got the Iceman seriously tweaking out on us.
The best fucking team leader in the battalion.
No offense.
And we're losing him because some white boy accidentally on purpose tries to waste a haji.
Back in Nasiriyah, we seen Generals drop mad arty rounds on an unarmed civilian city.
Must've killed thousands.
And what about all those little smoking burnt up little haji kids on the M.
S.
Rs all hit by legit calledin officerapproved air strikes? Shit, we had a battalion of doctors try to light our asses up.
So fucking what? It's war, dawg.
Back in Afghanistan, I thought y'all were the shit.
Blowing up Taliban forts, taking out air batteries.
All I heard about was his reputation back in Afghanistan.
I finally get on his team, he goes all weak titty on me.
I'm going to take a shit.
How about Stallone, dude? He's the star of the movie.
I brought some water if you want me to fill up your camelbaks.
Figure I'd save you a trip over to H&S.
Hey, Garza, hand me that L.
S.
A.
up there, will ya? Yeah, no thanks, James.
Fucknuts thinks he can buy his way out of shooting those kid by getting us a drink of water.
I tell ya, jacks, it's this new generation.
In the opinion of this Marine, it's all that damn gangster rap and those video games that are desensitizing today's youth to violence.
Yeah.
Hey, did you hear that? We're doing comm checks.
I'll tell you what is fucked.
Because of that Dylan Klebold wannabe, we got an inquiry on the whole platoon.
Ours ain't the only platoon that ain't shooting straight.
You all got your hands full with Captain America.
Every time he hits a pebble, he thinks - the whole company's being ambushed.
- Don't I know it.
Captain America's gone, dawg.
You see that look in his eyes? Like he's afraid if he takes a shit, haji's gonna crawl out of his ass.
We got the best platoon commander and the whole fucking battalion's on his ass because he did the right thing and stood up to Encino man.
It ain't the hajis gonna kill us, man.
It's fucking command.
Maybe Brad's got the right idea, hiding underneath his Humvee.
A mina claymore, a minha amiga.
I got fucking portuguese lessons.
Incoming.
Encino man, Casey Kasem two closing on your six.
- Shit.
- Devil Dogs.
- Sir.
- How's the sitrep here? Good, sir.
Been through a lot these past few days.
I know there's a lot of strong feelings.
I want you to think of me as the kind of commander who's not only tough and aggressive, but who also cares.
I want to hear exactly what your concerns are.
What I mean is that I want you to talk freely.
Forget my bars for a moment.
Corporal Holsey? Is there anything on your mind? Sir, is it true that we lost our battalion colors in the supply truck that Godfather ordered abandoned? Hard as it is for me to say, the 1st reconnaissance colors proudly carried into battle since Vietnam Are reported missing.
I can tell you the loss of these colors is something that weighs heavily on Godfather's shoulders.
Baptist, - how are you doing? - Capitao.
It don't work so good, you know? Estupido, you know? Jes, sir.
Esactly so.
Entende, si? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Thank you, Baptist.
Naw.
Doc, - how about you? - I'm all squared away, sir.
Doc, look, we're all aware how much the men look up to you.
- I'd like to know what you're thinking.
- I don't think so, sir.
This is your chance to get a little something off your chest.
- Are you asking me to speak frankly? - Yes.
Well Well, sir, it's just that you're incompetent, sir.
I'm doing the best I can.
Sir, it's not good enough.
Bom, doc Bryan, bom.
Muy bom.
Lose the fucking colors.
We'll figure it out.
I gotta get on the radio.
The radios aren't holding the proper G.
P.
S.
time for more than 12 hours.
The time keeps drifting.
The 1st lesson that they taught us back in college when I was working security for Duran Duran - and U2 was the primacy of comms.
- Captain.
Eric! The men and I here were attempting to unfuck the comms.
How battalion expects us to fight a war with this recycled junk is beyond me.
Very good, sir.
- A word with you? - Sure.
Privately, sir.
Excellent.
- Eric, what can I do for you? - Sir, it's about the enemy A.
Ks you've been firing from your vehicle.
You're endangering us.
You're not calling your targets, the A.
Ks sound like enemy fire.
- Jesus Christ, Eric.
- Respectfully, sir, you fire an A.
K.
one more time, I'll fuck you up.
Gentlemen, - everything squared away? - Yes, sir.
The Captain was helping us unfuck our comms.
Thank you, sir.
and it's based on Godfather's experience that this breeds like a fucking yeast infection.
Every time an order is questioned, every time dissention is allowed to state its case, there's a corresponding decrease in overall morale.
I can't have people questioning the orders of a superior officer.
And if you have a performance complaint regarding subordinates, that has to go through the proper channels.
Backchannel grumbling is unacceptable, gentlemen.
Unacceptable! Now I know some people aren't happy about the pellmell assault on that airfield.
And I admit it was rash, even reckless.
But General Mattis had to have our eyes on that airfield.
And your recon teams failed in the time allotted.
This war isn't going well for us.
Resistance in the cities is greater than expected.
And the General feels we're killing far too many civilians.
Godfather thinks we're going to go back into these cities we bypassed and root out the bad guys.
The iraqis are on the fence about this war.
They're only going to bet on the horse they think can win.
Sir? Any expectation of resupply? Zero.
Unbeknownst to me, when I gave the order to abandon that supply truck our battalion colors were on it.
Gentlemen, the loss of those colors It's one of the most regrettable incidents of my entire career.
And Ferrando takes full responsibility for it.
But you should be aware that the loss of those colors will be more than offset by the battle streamers we will earn in this war.
And we will earn 'em.
That I know.
The three wise men, you must have traveled far.
Our platoon commander's on watch how fucking righteous is that? I see the 3 of you coming together, I get to thinking there's some kind of problem.
No, Gunny, nothing like that.
We're just concerned about this thing with the Lt.
and the Captain.
Word is he and Casey Kasem are going after the Lt.
for taking him the radio when he called in dangerclose artillery on a bullshit target.
And, well, sir, we just want to say that if it comes to the C.
O.
charging you with insubordination Shut the fuck up and do your fucking jobs.
What happens between Cpt Schwetje and me is none of your fucking business.
We were Lt.
doesn't want this thing to mess with the platoon.
And he sure as hell doesn't want anybody taking sides for or against.
Now back the fuck down.
The shit's on the Lieutenant and he wants it to stay that way.
Hitman, this is Hitman Three Two.
I got your loud and clear.
Copy.
What the fuck are you two retards doing? Get up on that fucking gun.
What the fuck is Captain America doing out there? Digging a hole.
What the fuck's he digging out there for? I have no idea, Corporal.
Dirty, explain this shit to me.
It's a combat jack.
Captain feels the need to entrench in a solitary position before letting one fly.
I wasn't gonna.
Fuck that, dirty.
Seven, eight They're moving.
At least I think they're moving.
- John, are they moving? - Shut up.
You're fucking me up.
They're too far away to lase.
What do you think? We watch them for 10 mikes, we're gonna know.
There's 140, give or take.
Get me a radio.
You gonna call Captain Patterson? I'm gonna get on the net with the F.
A.
C.
first.
Godfather F.
A.
C.
, this is Assassin Two Actual.
Assassin Two, this is twisting, Godfather F.
A.
C.
Send it.
This is Assassin Two Actual.
We have possible enemy contact.
We have 140 possible armor on the move 15 kliks due east of our position.
Grids to follow.
Over.
Assassin Two, this is twisting, Godfather F.
A.
C.
Standing by to copy grid.
Over.
This shit is fucked, bro.
Sergeant, you know what I can do when sand gets up inside one of these video cameras? Get with your team.
We got armor coming at us.
Where's Brad? Jesus fucking Christ, Walt.
Are you serious? My first combat jack.
Fuck your jack.
We're being overrun by armor.
He's in his grave.
Brad, Brad.
Alpha counted 140 T72s headed our way.
- Tanks! - Say what? Hurry up, grab your gear.
Let's fucking go! Get on the hook with Godfather.
Find out if they have any more S.
A.
on the tanks.
Brad, battalion's going Redcon One and Alpha called in air support.
Hey, Garza! How much more ammo do you need? I don't know.
How much armor we got coming? I don't know, brah.
- Hey, fella - Ray, get on T.
A.
D.
six and T.
A.
D.
seven.
Walt, get up on the berm and man the Mark-19.
You have the thermals? - Yeah, I got them right here, dawg.
- Warm them the fuck up and use them.
Why the fuck are you two standing around with your dicks in your hands? - Don't you have teams to take care of? - Roger that.
Tanks coming! Iceman's back.
Find the reporter, Trombley.
If little Miss Rolling Stone gets run over by an Iraqi tank, - Ray's band won't make the cover.
- Yes, Sergeant.
They're moving.
You can see it.
You want us to tear down the cammie net? So we're unsupplied, 24 hours ahead of the next nearest Marine, and now the Iraqi army has found us.
I like the plan, Brad.
- It works for me.
- It's a town - Jacks, you see anything? - I don't see shit.
and it ain't moving.
Are you sure? It's autokinesis.
You're seeing the involuntary muscle movements of your own eyes.
Those lights aren't going to come any closer than they are.
It's a fucking town.
30, 40 kliks out there at least.
How far out did Alpha call this? 15 kliks.
It's bullshit.
There's no armor.
There's no armor? Apparently the United States Air Force thinks Brad Colbert is full of shit.
Jesus Christ, dude.
That's one hell of an air strike you had the Lt.
call in.
- It's not on me.
- 11,000 Ibs of bombs.
That's some serious shock and awe.
Still awaiting your B.
D.
A.
Do you copy? Assassin Two, yeah, we copy.
The Lt.
is really freaking.
He needs us to find something we hit.
How many tanks was that, John, 140? I told you, motherfucker.
It was the Lt.
that called it.
Check it out, y'all.
That's all that's left of a haji tank.
You'll get the navy comm for this one.
- We could have been overrun.
- Fuck you.
Damon, don't be a pussy.
Fucking call it in.
Let's give the Lt.
a tank.
He can get his medal.
We can get the fuck out of here.
Assassin Two, this is Two Three.
Over.
We've covered three grid squares, we have nothing.
I say again, nothing.
How copy? I'm keeping this.
Get some ESPN and X-Games.
There should be a trail up there.
They're extracting us.
If there'd've been tanks here, that would have been fucking cool.
Assassin, this is Assassin Two Actual.
- Stand by for sitrep.
Over.
- Assassin Actual standing by.
We're pushing three kliks north to Papa Victor 217598 the nearest hamlet to question the locals on the armor.
Over.
Solid copy.
Corporal, stop over here by the village.
These people are close enough to have sighted the armor.
Hey, push off dismounts.
All Victors, all Victors, dismount and hold north of the town.
Breaker break.
- Assassin Two One - Cover the Lt.
Dude, what do you think they're saying? "Excuse me, meesh.
"Tell the man that we come in friendship.
" And meesh is, "Dude, "my big American friends are going to fuck you up "if you don't show us some blownup tanks.
" And the haji's all, "Habadabada? Daba daba.
" And meesh is all, "Dude, "these Iraqis love the fact that we are here.
"They fucking love freedom and they thought "that those fireballs last night were fucking wicked, dude.
"You Americans have killed a lot of sand.
"The sand was very evil.
" The Lieutenant's all, "Meesh, I just shit my panties.
"Tell the nice man if he doesn't show me at least one blownup tank, "I'll look very stupid and the other officers will laugh at me.
" And Meesh is all, "Dude, throw me a friggin' bone here.
"How about a frigging pickup truck with bald tires?" Bro, and the haji's all, "Habdaba? Dabity daba.
" And meesh is, "Lieutenant, "this haji dude is totally bummed he can't save your career.
"He's got no tanks, but check it out, "you can have his bitchin' daughter.
" And the Lieutenant's all weepy and shit.
Fucking frathouse pussy.
Back to camp.
I'll ride with Team Two.
What'd the old man say? He's afraid we're going to bomb his village tonight.
Lt.
turned it down.
I am really hungry.
- Mount up.
- Stand by for short count.
Five You take the fur off before you eat it, right? Assassin, this is Assassin Two Actual.
Over.
This is Assassin Actual.
Send it.
We have found some indication of Iraqi armor operating in the area, but evidence on which to base a B.
D.
A.
is inconclusive so far.
Over.
Interrogative: by inconclusive, do you mean to say that you have found no destroyed Iraqi armor? This is Assassin Two Actual.
At this time, not specifally.
Over.
Interrogative: have you found any non specific destroyed Iraqi armor? Negative.
Over.
Assassin Two, have you found any destroyed targets, military or civilian? Negative.
We turned a lot of dirt.
Over.
Roger that.
Assassin Two Actual out.
11,000 Ibs of ordinance dropped and we didn't hit any armor.
We didn't destroy any villages though either.
Guess that sort of goes in the win column, right? Fill the ranger graves! Sterilize your position.
We expect to be Oscar Mike by 1500.
Oh no.
Christlover at my nine.
- Coming this way? - Yeah.
E.
T.
A.
is like 10 seconds.
You gotta deal with this too.
Men.
I'm holding a service and I wonder if you would take comfort in pausing for a word of prayer.
No thank you, Lieutenant Commander.
We got the warning order, so it looks like we're going to be moving out to kill a whole bunch more of these godless heathens for you.
Yeah, but don't worry.
We will not rest until the Iraqi threat to your way of worship - has been completely neutralized.
- I'm aware of the warning order.
It is for that reason that we are congregating for a brief Oh, the other thing The other thing is is that my team leader here, Sergeant Colbert.
Yeah, he was born a hebrew and remains a practicing christkiller.
So, it's purely out of respect for him, I feel as if I'm going to have to forgo your festive rituals.
Got more boxes? Who's got the MREs? Men! - I'm holding a brief service.
- No thanks, sir.
We're gearing up here at the moment.
Sergeant? What's up, dawg? Can I? Go ahead.
Thank you, Sarge.
There's one in every crowd.
I don't know why you guys are down on this shit.
I'm a christian.
Theologically speaking, Trombley, the world's been going downhill ever since man first offered entrails to the gods.
- What's that mean, entrails? - That religion is gay.
The point, Lance Corporal, we're supposed to be a recon unit of pure warrior spirit.
We're out here, 40 kliks into enemy lines, and this man of God here, he's a fucking pog.
In fact, he's an officer pog.
That's one more layer of bureaucracy and unnecessary logistics.
One more asshole we need to supply MREs and baby wipes for.
And worst of all It should be tight.
Worst of all, the motherfucker doesn't even carry a weapon.
When push comes to shove, even rolling stone picks up a gun.
But this fucking shill of God, he can't cover a sector.
He'll never hump ammo or claymores.
This is a fucking war.
And we're here as warriors.
So on top of everything else that's expected of us, do we need to drag him along and indulge in this makebelieve bullshit? Oh no.
Not only do we have to worry about all the Charms you've eaten, now Brad's just pissed off God.
No, seriously, doc, have you ever analyzed a wet dream? I mean, the mind is so powerful, it can give you a dream so real that it makes your dick come.
Why can't you harness that power when you're awake? Why can't you meditate yourself into thinking you're fucking a chick so hot that you actually orgasm? Wait, are you talking about like jerking off without using any hands? No, dawg, I'm talking about fucking any girl you want - all in your mind.
- But it's so weird.
We're having a little humrat feast.
Make sure Garza and Lilley get their share.
It's only fair! If the Iraqis can burn our supply truck, we can partake in their humanitarian rations.
How do you jerk off with no hands? You need one hand at last to hold the cock book.
Dawg, I'm talking about the power of the mind.
You don't need a cock book.
You don't need shit.
- Gotta have a cock book.
- Need to meditate on the perfect fuck.
Wasik'll jerk off to anything.
I seen him punishing his unit during a screening of "Pocahontas" at Mathilda.
That's tragic.
I liked Pocahontas.
- Wonderful music.
- Naw, naw, naw, Brad.
You cannot say that you like Pocahontas.
The genocide of my people is turned into a cartoon musical with a singing raccoon? I mean, think about it, dawg, the real story of Pocahontas is about a bunch of white boys who come to my land, bribe the corrupt indian chief, kill off all the warriors and fuck the indian princess silly.
Would the white man make a story about Auschwitz, where the inmate falls in love with the guard and they go off singing love songs with dancing swastikas? My great grandfather killed indians.
Up in Michigan for money.
Trombley, you are the first white motherfucker to say something like that to me.
Yeah? Back in the fishing village where I'm from, Los Angeles, Most white motherfuckers that talk about their people, they say they got a Native American ancestor to pretend to be down with me.
But here you are, coming the other way.
Poke, what the fuck are you anyway? Your wife is half white, you talk like you're black, most of your friends are fucking white, and every once in a while, when you feel like it, you throw in with the indians.
What the fuck? Is it just that you're whatever race happens to be cool at the moment? Make sure you have your flak and helmets on.
You got a point, dawg.
I don't hang out with Mexicans.
I'm Mexican.
Mexicans got $20,000 stereos, lots of guns and every time I go into a liquor store with one, I'm afraid we're gonna rob the place.
Mexicans are scary motherfuckers.
What the fuck does any of this have to do with jerking off? Formation, devil dogs.
What's up, Gunny? Company Commander will address you.
And I know you're mad at the battalion.
Because as you know, I've been talking to you and I've heard you.
And I know you're angry.
I know you're angry that the supply truck was burned and you don't have that food to eat.
You told me this and I heard you.
But you shouldn't be angry at your command.
If you're angry at your command, then you are saying it was our fault that the supply truck was burned.
But we didn't burn the supply truck.
The enemy burned the supply truck.
They took your food from you.
That's the important thing to remember.
It was the enemy who stole your food from you and you should be really really mad at them.
Before we step off on this next mission, I'm reminding you of who your enemy is the enemy.
Thank you, sir! Company, Attenhut! Fall out! I'm in awe.
All Hitman Two Victors, be advised, our objective is Al Hayy, 15 kliks up the A.
S.
R.
Break.
We've been tasked to screen R.
C.
T.
One's movement.
Break.
Assassin is on point, two kliks ahead of us.
Going towards the enemy.
Stay alert.
Over.
Hitman Two, this is Two One Alpha We got friendly Victors hauling ass southbound.
Baghdad's the other way, ya bitches! Army, probably third I.
D.
Yeah, probably ran outta tampons.
Going all the way back to the P.
X.
What the fuck? That's Alpha.
Hitman Two, this is Two One.
Interrogative: why is our sister company moving in the opposite direction? Roger, Two One.
I'm on the nets right now trying to get some S.
A.
on this.
The thing to remember is they'll never take a Recon Marine alive.
Hoorah, sir.
Hoorah.
All Hitman Two Victors, this is Hitman Two Actual.
I have confirmation that Alpha has been detached for a different mission.
Break.
A Marine supply unit was ambushed South of here and a captured Marine was executed in the city center.
Break.
We have our own mission.
Let's keep our focus.
Brah, this is what I was telling you about.
That Marine from that supply unit that was captured, they strung his ass up in the middle of the town.
No, they crucified him.
On a cross? Yeah, it has to be.
That's what crucifixion is.
Don't you ever read the bible? Maybe it's bullshit.
I mean, they say they killed 1,000 Marines in Nasiriyah and that's bullshit.
And that thing about J.
Lo? Man, she ain't dead.
At least I don't think so.
This is Two Three for Two Actual.
Can you confirm the captured Marine was crucified? Over.
That's affirmative.
Over.
We have a fairly large scale urban area which is operating business as usual with uniformed Republican Guard units mobilized.
Civilians wise enough to leave the city have the entire east side from which to flee.
As far as I'm concerned, we have a Marine in this city, and we will do what it takes to recover him.
In our D.
N.
A.
The main M.
S.
R.
running from military installations to Ba'ath political targets is here.
We have three ancillary service routes.
The main M.
S.
R.
we've named Cheetahs, followed by A.
S.
R.
Rhino, A.
S.
R.
Crazy Horse and this one running alongside the central mosque is A.
S.
E.
Seventh Veil.
The N.
C.
Os in my two shop who did the mapping named the streets after their favorite titty bars.
Am I to understand you want us to hold a blocking here along A.
S.
R.
Rhino? You'll be a Sparrowhawk force too, for any of our units that get cut off here.
But generally speaking that is affirmative.
We're going to hit this town hard.
That comes down from General Mattis himself.
If the army wants to lose a supply unit then cut and run while a captured female soldier becomes a poster girl on Al Jazeera, that's their business.
But Marines will not go down that path.
At 0 dawn hundred tomorrow the Navy is launching some precision guided whoopass.
Rounds completed here at 0430.
That takes out the Ba'ath political headquarters and these barracks here.
At 0 dawn hundred my tanks are moving in, followed by my infantry.
In addition to blocking here, I want your recon units to target our oncall artillery.
Anything you see between A.
S.
R.
Seventh Veil, and A.
S.
R.
Rhino.
You can be as loose with the R.
O.
E.
as you like.
This whole city is declared hostile.
We got armor for this.
Yeah, we're gonna fuck some shit up.
Fucking plain as day.
Republican guard walking armed in a uniform like it's cool.
Plus look at all the trash from the pog supply units going north.
They throw all shit on the road.
Explain to me what genius has all our supply convoys going past a town where this fucking Iraqi military unit's never surrendered.
Check it out! Pound cake.
Right off the ground.
The fucking pogs got so much food, they just toss the shit.
- You're eating discards? - I'm fucking hungry.
This Marine needs more than one meal a day.
You see any jalapeño and cheese? Fucking smell here.
That's the death smell.
That's rotting haji.
- That shit gets me hard.
- There's gonna be a lot more like them.
Gonna be a motherfucking flyfest in that town.
That one's a kid.
Future fucking terrorist.
Come dark, I'll piss on each one of those stinking dead hajis.
They fucking put an American on a cross.
A fucking American Marine, man.
With your permission, Colonel, as soon as your men step off, I'd like to try to insert some of my teams into one of these buildings along the M.
S.
R.
, set up an O.
P.
and support your men with more effective fire missions.
I like that, Captain.
We give your sniper units a good clear.
What the fuck? Can I help you, sir? Colonel, I've been sent to apprise you of some late breaking developments.
Sir, I got off the net with CENTCOM, and he has been given command authority.
Backchannel authority.
For all intent and purpose I'm not here.
Gentlemen, this man is the mission.
We've good reason to believe that Ali Hassan Almajid, a.
k.
a.
Chemical Ali, is holed up in Ash Shatrah.
Our mission is recovering a U.
S.
Marine reported to be inside that town.
Our force is aware of that concern.
Recovering the Marine is a priority but this man is the highest priority.
I can assure you my men are prepared for any contingency.
And if the defenders put up a stiffer fight because some big shot Colonel, this is no longer a Marine operation.
This is Brigadier General Zaid Alhamadi, commander of liberated Iraq's first brigade of freedom fighters.
Trained with our assistance, they're moving into position after dark.
Advanced units will infiltrate Ash Shatrah, make contact with resistance elements, and following the show planned by the Navy, they attack at dawn.
It's historic, gentlemen.
We're spearheading what will be the model effort of joint American liberated Iraq cooperation.
All Hitman Two Victors, this is Hitman Two Actual.
We are two kliks out from Al Hayy.
Updated reports state there are small pockets of resistance south of the city.
Break.
Godfather F.
A.
C.
is pushing Cobras north to sweep the routes.
Observe everything.
Admire nothing.
Roger that.
We're monitoring internet at this time.
Cobras spotted a zil carrying uniformed Iraqis.
Alpha's got a cool mission.
This sucks.
They found R.
P.
Gs 200 meters up the road in a ditch.
This would have been the perfect shitting opportunity.
Fuck it.
I'm going for it.
When to shit is a big deal for Sergeant Colbert, isn't it? In a war zone, Marines shit tactically.
Piss too.
Sometimes the situation requires that you do not leave the vehicle regardless.
The adult diapers, I get it.
Daddy's back.
I know, man.
I am seriously impressed.
Taking dumps under pressure, man, that is our Iceman's Achilles' heel.
Or Achilles' asshole.
Holy shit, Brad's our Achilles' anus.
Shit, man, it's really pretty country out here.
Except for the mortars.
Yeah, but they're random.
I mean, come on.
It's not like anybody's scoping you with an A.
K.
- It's not personal.
- Hitman Two One, - rotary says they can't find mortars.
- You gotta let some of this shit go.
Two one copy.
Cobras can't find those mortars so we're gonna clear a couple hamlets up the road.
See what we see.
All Hitman Two Victors, counter-battery reports point of origin in this village.
Our mission is to detain all males and search all structures.
How copy? Hitman Two, this is Hitman Two Three.
- Solid.
- Hitman Two, this is Two One Alpha.
Solid copy.
Hitman Two One, this is Hitman Two.
We have several military age males headed north.
Detain them? Over.
Check it out, Brad.
It's our episode of Cops.
Roger that.
- Lt.
! - Get down! Let's go! Lt.
! I look for hajis.
Go, go! Copy! Push down to that southern house.
Roger that.
I got it.
Hitman Two Two.
- Push down to the next house.
Over.
- Drop! Get on the deck.
Get down.
All right, I got a woman and child.
Shut that motherfucker up.
We got the detainees.
Smells like dead goats in here.
Sergeant, are we checking this hut? This way.
Get up! Up, get up! We're good here.
Brad, check this motherfucker's crib out.
Haji be pimpin', yo.
Sit down! Sit down.
Chill, chill! Man This brings me back to my days as a repo man in L.
A.
.
You know what I'm saying? Women are always the fiercest.
You always gotta look out for the women.
Doesn't matter if it's a black bitch from South Central or some rich white bitch from Beverly Hills.
Don't matter if you got a gun or whatever.
They'll come after you, screaming, like women think they're protected.
Right clear.
Hitman Two Two, this is Hitman Two.
Interrogative: any signs of the border team activity? Over.
Hitman Two, this is Hitman Two Two.
Negative Hitman What about the stash? Leave it.
We're not here to fuck with their livelihoods.
Leave it.
All Hitman Two Victors, we are pushing on to Al Hayy.
Maintain 25 kph.
Maintain dispersion.
We got gunfire! Get cover! Are you okay? Ray, get out of the vehicle.
Trombley, come on! Trombley, get the fuck down! That's a Zeus.
What the fuck is a Zeus? It's a russian antiaircraft gun.
There's a lot of barrels on that bitch.
Trombley, you psycho motherfucker, get the fuck down.
Hit our tires, man! That's cool.
Hey, Sergeant, I think I see where the fire's coming from.
What the fuck is that crazy piece of shit doing? It's at our 11, about 2000 yards - Scarface, this is Hitman Two.
- right by that tree.
Hasser, get on your gun.
We copy standby.
Gimme that.
My position is Papa Victor 2-9-1 7-5-8, marked by orange air panel.
11 O'clock, 2,000 meters.
- Stand by for amplifying instructions.
- Scarface, Ready to copy.
Left 50 at 20.
Left 10, up 10.
We've visual on your position.
Determine target? Scarface's contact off.
On target! Scarface Two One coming in hot.
Missile away.
Get some! Stand by for B.
D.
A.
utility 3tac4 destroyed.
Good work, Scarface.
All right, boys, that's lunch! You psycho badass.
This may sound weird, but deep down, I kinda wanted to see what it feels like to get shot.
I mean, not actually shot, but I just get more nervous watching a game show at home on tv than I do here in all this, you know? Hey.
Not bad for an asshole.
Tomahawks? Fucking a right.
Joke of it is those things cost like a million and a half each.
We could probably buy the town and every motherfucker in it for less.
You pay me half that, I'll hump in some C4 and blow the shit up my own self.
Pulled out all the stops for these guys, didn't we? It's as if there's a plan.
That's two tootsie rolls.
At least we get something out of this bullshit mission.
Yo, John, back off! It's a fucking Charm dump.
Even pogs got common sense.
Those the hajis on our side.
Where'd they fucking go to? General AlhamadI's operatives were compromised shortly after entering the town last night.
They were executed by Ba'ath party loyalists.
Clearly, this impacted negatively on the morale of his forces.
So your freedom fighters ran, huh? Colonel, our liberation wasn't a cakewalk either.
If you rember, there were some grim moments at valley forge.
We lost 24 hours.
Sir, it seems general washington made off with my Oakleys.
Smallarms fire is picking up.
Assassin Two Three, this is Assassin Actual.
Interrogative: what are you seeing from your position? Over.
Assassin, this is Two Three.
Over.
This is Assassin Actual.
Send it.
We have eyes on the northeast corner of the town and there appears to be some dismantling of the outer barricade, general revelry and what passes for iraqi house music.
Roger that.
We're seeing the same thing.
Make sure your men know that that A.
K.
Fire is celebratory.
Over.
Roger that.
They're celebrating.
They've been liberated.
By who? Damn, they're fucking it up.
I thought we were gonna fuck it up.
It's happening all along our lines.
Republican guard abandoning their positions.
Assassin Two Three, this is Assassin Actual.
Prepare your men to move into the town and find that mato.
Over.
On top of that, you hold that.
Stop the men from fraternizing.
Get them back into armed posture.
Scott, take off that shit and stow it.
Back to the Humvees.
Get on that fucking gun! All Assassin call signs, be advised.
You are not cleared to engage without hostile intent.
Do we light them up? We're not cleared hot.
Only if they show hostile intent.
These are the bad guys, right? We're just gonna let them get away? New orders.
We're moving out and relinking with battalion.
We've barely given this town a once over.
I know.
Those are my orders.
Hey, mount up.
All Assassin Victors, this is Assassin Actual.
We've been ordered to link back up with battalion at grid papa victor 978214.
Over.
Haji tortillas They're pretty good.
That's that khubz shit.
That's their bread.
What about the missing Marine? The trickiest part will be entering Al Hayy.
It's a city four kliks long, about 100,000 inhabitants.
We're coming up the west side of it, then cutting across here.
The convoy will be forced through a series of S turns and we're crossing four separate bridges.
Our objective is the M.
S.
R.
on the north side.
We're seizing it ahead of R.
C.
T.
One's assault through the city.
It's the only way out of town, and we're the blocking force.
- Who's on point, Sir? Good news is it's Charlie company.
The bad news is that once we get here, our platoon is tasked with holding it.
I know this looks like some "Black Hawk Down" shit we're doing, but we'll be the ones initiating contact.
Not the bad guys.
All right, gentlemen, you heard the man.
Let's go set up a roadblock.
All gunners, pick up your sectors.
All Hitman Two Victors, raptor is taking fire on point.
Charlie's in contact.
Contact with what? I can't find a target.
All Hitman Two Victors, Raptor is suppressing targets with Cobras.
Break.
They're taking heavy smallarms fire two kliks to the north.
Keep your guns on those danger areas.
Watch the rooftops.
Lord, see us through.
Lord, see us through.
Lord, see us through.
He's not a target.
Hitman, this is Godfather Five.
Raptor's roadblock is set two kliks to the north.
Jacks, let's push.
Confirm that you have sealed off all northbound traffic from Al Hayy.
Over.
Ray, tell Godfather our roadblock is set up too.
Godfather, Godfather, this is Hitman.
God damn, man, son of a bitch and fuck.
The price of Copenhagen just went up.
Oh shit.
Hey, check it out, Dawg.
All right, guns up! Garza, Lovell.
Fire warnings.
Fire warnings.
Light it the fuck up.
Did they understand the warning shots? The R.
O.
E.
aren't a lot of help here.
We're all alone.
And to our south, we've got an entire hostile town in between us and closest friendlies.
And 40 kilometers to our north, we've got an full mechanized division up there in Al Kut.
And there's 70 of us, brad, holding this road.
We got trucks with weapons flanking us there.
Get on the hook.
Let's schwack them with arty.
I say again, at least two dozen military vehicles flanking us to the northwest at grid november alpha 954631.
Over.
Stand by Hitman Two.
We're working up a fire mission.
Over.
That stopped 'em.
God damn.
Sir, we need the translator up at Charlie's position.
Rudy! - Yes, sir? - Get Meesh to the northern roadblock.
Ask him why he didn't stop at our warning shots.
Ask him why he kept coming.
He said he's sorry.
He wants to know if he can take his daughter's body.
He said he's sorry? We just fucking killed his daughter.
Arabs don't grieve the way you do.
It's different for him.
What happened up at Charlie? Shit's really pretty, isn't it? Garza got him right between the eyes.
Where his eyes used to be.
Sounds like R.
C.
T.
One's fucking shit up on their way through town? Fuck yeah, they are.
I felt cold as a motherfucker shooting those guys.
Incoming.
It's Alpha.
Alpha's home.
Put it out to the team leaders We're oscar mike.
Hitman Two, this is Assassin Actual.
We are reentering friendly lines from the south.
They think we're cool 'cause we're so good at blowing shit up.
Lt.
says we're on the move.
How'd it go? Brought all my men back.
And Ash Shatrah? What happened there? Nate You wouldn't believe it, man.
Y'all find the missing Marine? Thank you, Ray.
Thank you, Sergeant.
Over.
Roger.
Standing by to copy.
Over.
First Recon battalion reinforced.
Be prepared for relief in place no later than 1900 Zulu.
Over.
Solid copy on relief in place.
Over.
What you got, playboy, what you got? All right, do "platoon," bro.
Hey, white boys, what you waiting for? That hole ain't gonna dig itself.
Put your dick skin into it.
Dig! - What color are you? - Shit, what you know about that? - That was pretty good.
- Gimme something that hurts.
- What about Big Lebowski? - Big Lebowski.
All right.
"Darker than a black steer's tookus " Hey, Brad, working those deltoids, that's good.
Shit, too easy.
Give me something real, man.
- Do The Rock.
- How about The Rock? Brother, you need a friend? "Your best? "Losers only complain about their best.
"Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
"She was the prom queen.
" It's jacked, dawg.
We got the Iceman seriously tweaking out on us.
The best fucking team leader in the battalion.
No offense.
And we're losing him because some white boy accidentally on purpose tries to waste a haji.
Back in Nasiriyah, we seen Generals drop mad arty rounds on an unarmed civilian city.
Must've killed thousands.
And what about all those little smoking burnt up little haji kids on the M.
S.
Rs all hit by legit calledin officerapproved air strikes? Shit, we had a battalion of doctors try to light our asses up.
So fucking what? It's war, dawg.
Back in Afghanistan, I thought y'all were the shit.
Blowing up Taliban forts, taking out air batteries.
All I heard about was his reputation back in Afghanistan.
I finally get on his team, he goes all weak titty on me.
I'm going to take a shit.
How about Stallone, dude? He's the star of the movie.
I brought some water if you want me to fill up your camelbaks.
Figure I'd save you a trip over to H&S.
Hey, Garza, hand me that L.
S.
A.
up there, will ya? Yeah, no thanks, James.
Fucknuts thinks he can buy his way out of shooting those kid by getting us a drink of water.
I tell ya, jacks, it's this new generation.
In the opinion of this Marine, it's all that damn gangster rap and those video games that are desensitizing today's youth to violence.
Yeah.
Hey, did you hear that? We're doing comm checks.
I'll tell you what is fucked.
Because of that Dylan Klebold wannabe, we got an inquiry on the whole platoon.
Ours ain't the only platoon that ain't shooting straight.
You all got your hands full with Captain America.
Every time he hits a pebble, he thinks - the whole company's being ambushed.
- Don't I know it.
Captain America's gone, dawg.
You see that look in his eyes? Like he's afraid if he takes a shit, haji's gonna crawl out of his ass.
We got the best platoon commander and the whole fucking battalion's on his ass because he did the right thing and stood up to Encino man.
It ain't the hajis gonna kill us, man.
It's fucking command.
Maybe Brad's got the right idea, hiding underneath his Humvee.
A mina claymore, a minha amiga.
I got fucking portuguese lessons.
Incoming.
Encino man, Casey Kasem two closing on your six.
- Shit.
- Devil Dogs.
- Sir.
- How's the sitrep here? Good, sir.
Been through a lot these past few days.
I know there's a lot of strong feelings.
I want you to think of me as the kind of commander who's not only tough and aggressive, but who also cares.
I want to hear exactly what your concerns are.
What I mean is that I want you to talk freely.
Forget my bars for a moment.
Corporal Holsey? Is there anything on your mind? Sir, is it true that we lost our battalion colors in the supply truck that Godfather ordered abandoned? Hard as it is for me to say, the 1st reconnaissance colors proudly carried into battle since Vietnam Are reported missing.
I can tell you the loss of these colors is something that weighs heavily on Godfather's shoulders.
Baptist, - how are you doing? - Capitao.
It don't work so good, you know? Estupido, you know? Jes, sir.
Esactly so.
Entende, si? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Thank you, Baptist.
Naw.
Doc, - how about you? - I'm all squared away, sir.
Doc, look, we're all aware how much the men look up to you.
- I'd like to know what you're thinking.
- I don't think so, sir.
This is your chance to get a little something off your chest.
- Are you asking me to speak frankly? - Yes.
Well Well, sir, it's just that you're incompetent, sir.
I'm doing the best I can.
Sir, it's not good enough.
Bom, doc Bryan, bom.
Muy bom.
Lose the fucking colors.
We'll figure it out.
I gotta get on the radio.
The radios aren't holding the proper G.
P.
S.
time for more than 12 hours.
The time keeps drifting.
The 1st lesson that they taught us back in college when I was working security for Duran Duran - and U2 was the primacy of comms.
- Captain.
Eric! The men and I here were attempting to unfuck the comms.
How battalion expects us to fight a war with this recycled junk is beyond me.
Very good, sir.
- A word with you? - Sure.
Privately, sir.
Excellent.
- Eric, what can I do for you? - Sir, it's about the enemy A.
Ks you've been firing from your vehicle.
You're endangering us.
You're not calling your targets, the A.
Ks sound like enemy fire.
- Jesus Christ, Eric.
- Respectfully, sir, you fire an A.
K.
one more time, I'll fuck you up.
Gentlemen, - everything squared away? - Yes, sir.
The Captain was helping us unfuck our comms.
Thank you, sir.
and it's based on Godfather's experience that this breeds like a fucking yeast infection.
Every time an order is questioned, every time dissention is allowed to state its case, there's a corresponding decrease in overall morale.
I can't have people questioning the orders of a superior officer.
And if you have a performance complaint regarding subordinates, that has to go through the proper channels.
Backchannel grumbling is unacceptable, gentlemen.
Unacceptable! Now I know some people aren't happy about the pellmell assault on that airfield.
And I admit it was rash, even reckless.
But General Mattis had to have our eyes on that airfield.
And your recon teams failed in the time allotted.
This war isn't going well for us.
Resistance in the cities is greater than expected.
And the General feels we're killing far too many civilians.
Godfather thinks we're going to go back into these cities we bypassed and root out the bad guys.
The iraqis are on the fence about this war.
They're only going to bet on the horse they think can win.
Sir? Any expectation of resupply? Zero.
Unbeknownst to me, when I gave the order to abandon that supply truck our battalion colors were on it.
Gentlemen, the loss of those colors It's one of the most regrettable incidents of my entire career.
And Ferrando takes full responsibility for it.
But you should be aware that the loss of those colors will be more than offset by the battle streamers we will earn in this war.
And we will earn 'em.
That I know.
The three wise men, you must have traveled far.
Our platoon commander's on watch how fucking righteous is that? I see the 3 of you coming together, I get to thinking there's some kind of problem.
No, Gunny, nothing like that.
We're just concerned about this thing with the Lt.
and the Captain.
Word is he and Casey Kasem are going after the Lt.
for taking him the radio when he called in dangerclose artillery on a bullshit target.
And, well, sir, we just want to say that if it comes to the C.
O.
charging you with insubordination Shut the fuck up and do your fucking jobs.
What happens between Cpt Schwetje and me is none of your fucking business.
We were Lt.
doesn't want this thing to mess with the platoon.
And he sure as hell doesn't want anybody taking sides for or against.
Now back the fuck down.
The shit's on the Lieutenant and he wants it to stay that way.
Hitman, this is Hitman Three Two.
I got your loud and clear.
Copy.
What the fuck are you two retards doing? Get up on that fucking gun.
What the fuck is Captain America doing out there? Digging a hole.
What the fuck's he digging out there for? I have no idea, Corporal.
Dirty, explain this shit to me.
It's a combat jack.
Captain feels the need to entrench in a solitary position before letting one fly.
I wasn't gonna.
Fuck that, dirty.
Seven, eight They're moving.
At least I think they're moving.
- John, are they moving? - Shut up.
You're fucking me up.
They're too far away to lase.
What do you think? We watch them for 10 mikes, we're gonna know.
There's 140, give or take.
Get me a radio.
You gonna call Captain Patterson? I'm gonna get on the net with the F.
A.
C.
first.
Godfather F.
A.
C.
, this is Assassin Two Actual.
Assassin Two, this is twisting, Godfather F.
A.
C.
Send it.
This is Assassin Two Actual.
We have possible enemy contact.
We have 140 possible armor on the move 15 kliks due east of our position.
Grids to follow.
Over.
Assassin Two, this is twisting, Godfather F.
A.
C.
Standing by to copy grid.
Over.
This shit is fucked, bro.
Sergeant, you know what I can do when sand gets up inside one of these video cameras? Get with your team.
We got armor coming at us.
Where's Brad? Jesus fucking Christ, Walt.
Are you serious? My first combat jack.
Fuck your jack.
We're being overrun by armor.
He's in his grave.
Brad, Brad.
Alpha counted 140 T72s headed our way.
- Tanks! - Say what? Hurry up, grab your gear.
Let's fucking go! Get on the hook with Godfather.
Find out if they have any more S.
A.
on the tanks.
Brad, battalion's going Redcon One and Alpha called in air support.
Hey, Garza! How much more ammo do you need? I don't know.
How much armor we got coming? I don't know, brah.
- Hey, fella - Ray, get on T.
A.
D.
six and T.
A.
D.
seven.
Walt, get up on the berm and man the Mark-19.
You have the thermals? - Yeah, I got them right here, dawg.
- Warm them the fuck up and use them.
Why the fuck are you two standing around with your dicks in your hands? - Don't you have teams to take care of? - Roger that.
Tanks coming! Iceman's back.
Find the reporter, Trombley.
If little Miss Rolling Stone gets run over by an Iraqi tank, - Ray's band won't make the cover.
- Yes, Sergeant.
They're moving.
You can see it.
You want us to tear down the cammie net? So we're unsupplied, 24 hours ahead of the next nearest Marine, and now the Iraqi army has found us.
I like the plan, Brad.
- It works for me.
- It's a town - Jacks, you see anything? - I don't see shit.
and it ain't moving.
Are you sure? It's autokinesis.
You're seeing the involuntary muscle movements of your own eyes.
Those lights aren't going to come any closer than they are.
It's a fucking town.
30, 40 kliks out there at least.
How far out did Alpha call this? 15 kliks.
It's bullshit.
There's no armor.
There's no armor? Apparently the United States Air Force thinks Brad Colbert is full of shit.
Jesus Christ, dude.
That's one hell of an air strike you had the Lt.
call in.
- It's not on me.
- 11,000 Ibs of bombs.
That's some serious shock and awe.
Still awaiting your B.
D.
A.
Do you copy? Assassin Two, yeah, we copy.
The Lt.
is really freaking.
He needs us to find something we hit.
How many tanks was that, John, 140? I told you, motherfucker.
It was the Lt.
that called it.
Check it out, y'all.
That's all that's left of a haji tank.
You'll get the navy comm for this one.
- We could have been overrun.
- Fuck you.
Damon, don't be a pussy.
Fucking call it in.
Let's give the Lt.
a tank.
He can get his medal.
We can get the fuck out of here.
Assassin Two, this is Two Three.
Over.
We've covered three grid squares, we have nothing.
I say again, nothing.
How copy? I'm keeping this.
Get some ESPN and X-Games.
There should be a trail up there.
They're extracting us.
If there'd've been tanks here, that would have been fucking cool.
Assassin, this is Assassin Two Actual.
- Stand by for sitrep.
Over.
- Assassin Actual standing by.
We're pushing three kliks north to Papa Victor 217598 the nearest hamlet to question the locals on the armor.
Over.
Solid copy.
Corporal, stop over here by the village.
These people are close enough to have sighted the armor.
Hey, push off dismounts.
All Victors, all Victors, dismount and hold north of the town.
Breaker break.
- Assassin Two One - Cover the Lt.
Dude, what do you think they're saying? "Excuse me, meesh.
"Tell the man that we come in friendship.
" And meesh is, "Dude, "my big American friends are going to fuck you up "if you don't show us some blownup tanks.
" And the haji's all, "Habadabada? Daba daba.
" And meesh is all, "Dude, "these Iraqis love the fact that we are here.
"They fucking love freedom and they thought "that those fireballs last night were fucking wicked, dude.
"You Americans have killed a lot of sand.
"The sand was very evil.
" The Lieutenant's all, "Meesh, I just shit my panties.
"Tell the nice man if he doesn't show me at least one blownup tank, "I'll look very stupid and the other officers will laugh at me.
" And Meesh is all, "Dude, throw me a friggin' bone here.
"How about a frigging pickup truck with bald tires?" Bro, and the haji's all, "Habdaba? Dabity daba.
" And meesh is, "Lieutenant, "this haji dude is totally bummed he can't save your career.
"He's got no tanks, but check it out, "you can have his bitchin' daughter.
" And the Lieutenant's all weepy and shit.
Fucking frathouse pussy.
Back to camp.
I'll ride with Team Two.
What'd the old man say? He's afraid we're going to bomb his village tonight.
Lt.
turned it down.
I am really hungry.
- Mount up.
- Stand by for short count.
Five You take the fur off before you eat it, right? Assassin, this is Assassin Two Actual.
Over.
This is Assassin Actual.
Send it.
We have found some indication of Iraqi armor operating in the area, but evidence on which to base a B.
D.
A.
is inconclusive so far.
Over.
Interrogative: by inconclusive, do you mean to say that you have found no destroyed Iraqi armor? This is Assassin Two Actual.
At this time, not specifally.
Over.
Interrogative: have you found any non specific destroyed Iraqi armor? Negative.
Over.
Assassin Two, have you found any destroyed targets, military or civilian? Negative.
We turned a lot of dirt.
Over.
Roger that.
Assassin Two Actual out.
11,000 Ibs of ordinance dropped and we didn't hit any armor.
We didn't destroy any villages though either.
Guess that sort of goes in the win column, right? Fill the ranger graves! Sterilize your position.
We expect to be Oscar Mike by 1500.
Oh no.
Christlover at my nine.
- Coming this way? - Yeah.
E.
T.
A.
is like 10 seconds.
You gotta deal with this too.
Men.
I'm holding a service and I wonder if you would take comfort in pausing for a word of prayer.
No thank you, Lieutenant Commander.
We got the warning order, so it looks like we're going to be moving out to kill a whole bunch more of these godless heathens for you.
Yeah, but don't worry.
We will not rest until the Iraqi threat to your way of worship - has been completely neutralized.
- I'm aware of the warning order.
It is for that reason that we are congregating for a brief Oh, the other thing The other thing is is that my team leader here, Sergeant Colbert.
Yeah, he was born a hebrew and remains a practicing christkiller.
So, it's purely out of respect for him, I feel as if I'm going to have to forgo your festive rituals.
Got more boxes? Who's got the MREs? Men! - I'm holding a brief service.
- No thanks, sir.
We're gearing up here at the moment.
Sergeant? What's up, dawg? Can I? Go ahead.
Thank you, Sarge.
There's one in every crowd.
I don't know why you guys are down on this shit.
I'm a christian.
Theologically speaking, Trombley, the world's been going downhill ever since man first offered entrails to the gods.
- What's that mean, entrails? - That religion is gay.
The point, Lance Corporal, we're supposed to be a recon unit of pure warrior spirit.
We're out here, 40 kliks into enemy lines, and this man of God here, he's a fucking pog.
In fact, he's an officer pog.
That's one more layer of bureaucracy and unnecessary logistics.
One more asshole we need to supply MREs and baby wipes for.
And worst of all It should be tight.
Worst of all, the motherfucker doesn't even carry a weapon.
When push comes to shove, even rolling stone picks up a gun.
But this fucking shill of God, he can't cover a sector.
He'll never hump ammo or claymores.
This is a fucking war.
And we're here as warriors.
So on top of everything else that's expected of us, do we need to drag him along and indulge in this makebelieve bullshit? Oh no.
Not only do we have to worry about all the Charms you've eaten, now Brad's just pissed off God.
No, seriously, doc, have you ever analyzed a wet dream? I mean, the mind is so powerful, it can give you a dream so real that it makes your dick come.
Why can't you harness that power when you're awake? Why can't you meditate yourself into thinking you're fucking a chick so hot that you actually orgasm? Wait, are you talking about like jerking off without using any hands? No, dawg, I'm talking about fucking any girl you want - all in your mind.
- But it's so weird.
We're having a little humrat feast.
Make sure Garza and Lilley get their share.
It's only fair! If the Iraqis can burn our supply truck, we can partake in their humanitarian rations.
How do you jerk off with no hands? You need one hand at last to hold the cock book.
Dawg, I'm talking about the power of the mind.
You don't need a cock book.
You don't need shit.
- Gotta have a cock book.
- Need to meditate on the perfect fuck.
Wasik'll jerk off to anything.
I seen him punishing his unit during a screening of "Pocahontas" at Mathilda.
That's tragic.
I liked Pocahontas.
- Wonderful music.
- Naw, naw, naw, Brad.
You cannot say that you like Pocahontas.
The genocide of my people is turned into a cartoon musical with a singing raccoon? I mean, think about it, dawg, the real story of Pocahontas is about a bunch of white boys who come to my land, bribe the corrupt indian chief, kill off all the warriors and fuck the indian princess silly.
Would the white man make a story about Auschwitz, where the inmate falls in love with the guard and they go off singing love songs with dancing swastikas? My great grandfather killed indians.
Up in Michigan for money.
Trombley, you are the first white motherfucker to say something like that to me.
Yeah? Back in the fishing village where I'm from, Los Angeles, Most white motherfuckers that talk about their people, they say they got a Native American ancestor to pretend to be down with me.
But here you are, coming the other way.
Poke, what the fuck are you anyway? Your wife is half white, you talk like you're black, most of your friends are fucking white, and every once in a while, when you feel like it, you throw in with the indians.
What the fuck? Is it just that you're whatever race happens to be cool at the moment? Make sure you have your flak and helmets on.
You got a point, dawg.
I don't hang out with Mexicans.
I'm Mexican.
Mexicans got $20,000 stereos, lots of guns and every time I go into a liquor store with one, I'm afraid we're gonna rob the place.
Mexicans are scary motherfuckers.
What the fuck does any of this have to do with jerking off? Formation, devil dogs.
What's up, Gunny? Company Commander will address you.
And I know you're mad at the battalion.
Because as you know, I've been talking to you and I've heard you.
And I know you're angry.
I know you're angry that the supply truck was burned and you don't have that food to eat.
You told me this and I heard you.
But you shouldn't be angry at your command.
If you're angry at your command, then you are saying it was our fault that the supply truck was burned.
But we didn't burn the supply truck.
The enemy burned the supply truck.
They took your food from you.
That's the important thing to remember.
It was the enemy who stole your food from you and you should be really really mad at them.
Before we step off on this next mission, I'm reminding you of who your enemy is the enemy.
Thank you, sir! Company, Attenhut! Fall out! I'm in awe.
All Hitman Two Victors, be advised, our objective is Al Hayy, 15 kliks up the A.
S.
R.
Break.
We've been tasked to screen R.
C.
T.
One's movement.
Break.
Assassin is on point, two kliks ahead of us.
Going towards the enemy.
Stay alert.
Over.
Hitman Two, this is Two One Alpha We got friendly Victors hauling ass southbound.
Baghdad's the other way, ya bitches! Army, probably third I.
D.
Yeah, probably ran outta tampons.
Going all the way back to the P.
X.
What the fuck? That's Alpha.
Hitman Two, this is Two One.
Interrogative: why is our sister company moving in the opposite direction? Roger, Two One.
I'm on the nets right now trying to get some S.
A.
on this.
The thing to remember is they'll never take a Recon Marine alive.
Hoorah, sir.
Hoorah.
All Hitman Two Victors, this is Hitman Two Actual.
I have confirmation that Alpha has been detached for a different mission.
Break.
A Marine supply unit was ambushed South of here and a captured Marine was executed in the city center.
Break.
We have our own mission.
Let's keep our focus.
Brah, this is what I was telling you about.
That Marine from that supply unit that was captured, they strung his ass up in the middle of the town.
No, they crucified him.
On a cross? Yeah, it has to be.
That's what crucifixion is.
Don't you ever read the bible? Maybe it's bullshit.
I mean, they say they killed 1,000 Marines in Nasiriyah and that's bullshit.
And that thing about J.
Lo? Man, she ain't dead.
At least I don't think so.
This is Two Three for Two Actual.
Can you confirm the captured Marine was crucified? Over.
That's affirmative.
Over.
We have a fairly large scale urban area which is operating business as usual with uniformed Republican Guard units mobilized.
Civilians wise enough to leave the city have the entire east side from which to flee.
As far as I'm concerned, we have a Marine in this city, and we will do what it takes to recover him.
In our D.
N.
A.
The main M.
S.
R.
running from military installations to Ba'ath political targets is here.
We have three ancillary service routes.
The main M.
S.
R.
we've named Cheetahs, followed by A.
S.
R.
Rhino, A.
S.
R.
Crazy Horse and this one running alongside the central mosque is A.
S.
E.
Seventh Veil.
The N.
C.
Os in my two shop who did the mapping named the streets after their favorite titty bars.
Am I to understand you want us to hold a blocking here along A.
S.
R.
Rhino? You'll be a Sparrowhawk force too, for any of our units that get cut off here.
But generally speaking that is affirmative.
We're going to hit this town hard.
That comes down from General Mattis himself.
If the army wants to lose a supply unit then cut and run while a captured female soldier becomes a poster girl on Al Jazeera, that's their business.
But Marines will not go down that path.
At 0 dawn hundred tomorrow the Navy is launching some precision guided whoopass.
Rounds completed here at 0430.
That takes out the Ba'ath political headquarters and these barracks here.
At 0 dawn hundred my tanks are moving in, followed by my infantry.
In addition to blocking here, I want your recon units to target our oncall artillery.
Anything you see between A.
S.
R.
Seventh Veil, and A.
S.
R.
Rhino.
You can be as loose with the R.
O.
E.
as you like.
This whole city is declared hostile.
We got armor for this.
Yeah, we're gonna fuck some shit up.
Fucking plain as day.
Republican guard walking armed in a uniform like it's cool.
Plus look at all the trash from the pog supply units going north.
They throw all shit on the road.
Explain to me what genius has all our supply convoys going past a town where this fucking Iraqi military unit's never surrendered.
Check it out! Pound cake.
Right off the ground.
The fucking pogs got so much food, they just toss the shit.
- You're eating discards? - I'm fucking hungry.
This Marine needs more than one meal a day.
You see any jalapeño and cheese? Fucking smell here.
That's the death smell.
That's rotting haji.
- That shit gets me hard.
- There's gonna be a lot more like them.
Gonna be a motherfucking flyfest in that town.
That one's a kid.
Future fucking terrorist.
Come dark, I'll piss on each one of those stinking dead hajis.
They fucking put an American on a cross.
A fucking American Marine, man.
With your permission, Colonel, as soon as your men step off, I'd like to try to insert some of my teams into one of these buildings along the M.
S.
R.
, set up an O.
P.
and support your men with more effective fire missions.
I like that, Captain.
We give your sniper units a good clear.
What the fuck? Can I help you, sir? Colonel, I've been sent to apprise you of some late breaking developments.
Sir, I got off the net with CENTCOM, and he has been given command authority.
Backchannel authority.
For all intent and purpose I'm not here.
Gentlemen, this man is the mission.
We've good reason to believe that Ali Hassan Almajid, a.
k.
a.
Chemical Ali, is holed up in Ash Shatrah.
Our mission is recovering a U.
S.
Marine reported to be inside that town.
Our force is aware of that concern.
Recovering the Marine is a priority but this man is the highest priority.
I can assure you my men are prepared for any contingency.
And if the defenders put up a stiffer fight because some big shot Colonel, this is no longer a Marine operation.
This is Brigadier General Zaid Alhamadi, commander of liberated Iraq's first brigade of freedom fighters.
Trained with our assistance, they're moving into position after dark.
Advanced units will infiltrate Ash Shatrah, make contact with resistance elements, and following the show planned by the Navy, they attack at dawn.
It's historic, gentlemen.
We're spearheading what will be the model effort of joint American liberated Iraq cooperation.
All Hitman Two Victors, this is Hitman Two Actual.
We are two kliks out from Al Hayy.
Updated reports state there are small pockets of resistance south of the city.
Break.
Godfather F.
A.
C.
is pushing Cobras north to sweep the routes.
Observe everything.
Admire nothing.
Roger that.
We're monitoring internet at this time.
Cobras spotted a zil carrying uniformed Iraqis.
Alpha's got a cool mission.
This sucks.
They found R.
P.
Gs 200 meters up the road in a ditch.
This would have been the perfect shitting opportunity.
Fuck it.
I'm going for it.
When to shit is a big deal for Sergeant Colbert, isn't it? In a war zone, Marines shit tactically.
Piss too.
Sometimes the situation requires that you do not leave the vehicle regardless.
The adult diapers, I get it.
Daddy's back.
I know, man.
I am seriously impressed.
Taking dumps under pressure, man, that is our Iceman's Achilles' heel.
Or Achilles' asshole.
Holy shit, Brad's our Achilles' anus.
Shit, man, it's really pretty country out here.
Except for the mortars.
Yeah, but they're random.
I mean, come on.
It's not like anybody's scoping you with an A.
K.
- It's not personal.
- Hitman Two One, - rotary says they can't find mortars.
- You gotta let some of this shit go.
Two one copy.
Cobras can't find those mortars so we're gonna clear a couple hamlets up the road.
See what we see.
All Hitman Two Victors, counter-battery reports point of origin in this village.
Our mission is to detain all males and search all structures.
How copy? Hitman Two, this is Hitman Two Three.
- Solid.
- Hitman Two, this is Two One Alpha.
Solid copy.
Hitman Two One, this is Hitman Two.
We have several military age males headed north.
Detain them? Over.
Check it out, Brad.
It's our episode of Cops.
Roger that.
- Lt.
! - Get down! Let's go! Lt.
! I look for hajis.
Go, go! Copy! Push down to that southern house.
Roger that.
I got it.
Hitman Two Two.
- Push down to the next house.
Over.
- Drop! Get on the deck.
Get down.
All right, I got a woman and child.
Shut that motherfucker up.
We got the detainees.
Smells like dead goats in here.
Sergeant, are we checking this hut? This way.
Get up! Up, get up! We're good here.
Brad, check this motherfucker's crib out.
Haji be pimpin', yo.
Sit down! Sit down.
Chill, chill! Man This brings me back to my days as a repo man in L.
A.
.
You know what I'm saying? Women are always the fiercest.
You always gotta look out for the women.
Doesn't matter if it's a black bitch from South Central or some rich white bitch from Beverly Hills.
Don't matter if you got a gun or whatever.
They'll come after you, screaming, like women think they're protected.
Right clear.
Hitman Two Two, this is Hitman Two.
Interrogative: any signs of the border team activity? Over.
Hitman Two, this is Hitman Two Two.
Negative Hitman What about the stash? Leave it.
We're not here to fuck with their livelihoods.
Leave it.
All Hitman Two Victors, we are pushing on to Al Hayy.
Maintain 25 kph.
Maintain dispersion.
We got gunfire! Get cover! Are you okay? Ray, get out of the vehicle.
Trombley, come on! Trombley, get the fuck down! That's a Zeus.
What the fuck is a Zeus? It's a russian antiaircraft gun.
There's a lot of barrels on that bitch.
Trombley, you psycho motherfucker, get the fuck down.
Hit our tires, man! That's cool.
Hey, Sergeant, I think I see where the fire's coming from.
What the fuck is that crazy piece of shit doing? It's at our 11, about 2000 yards - Scarface, this is Hitman Two.
- right by that tree.
Hasser, get on your gun.
We copy standby.
Gimme that.
My position is Papa Victor 2-9-1 7-5-8, marked by orange air panel.
11 O'clock, 2,000 meters.
- Stand by for amplifying instructions.
- Scarface, Ready to copy.
Left 50 at 20.
Left 10, up 10.
We've visual on your position.
Determine target? Scarface's contact off.
On target! Scarface Two One coming in hot.
Missile away.
Get some! Stand by for B.
D.
A.
utility 3tac4 destroyed.
Good work, Scarface.
All right, boys, that's lunch! You psycho badass.
This may sound weird, but deep down, I kinda wanted to see what it feels like to get shot.
I mean, not actually shot, but I just get more nervous watching a game show at home on tv than I do here in all this, you know? Hey.
Not bad for an asshole.
Tomahawks? Fucking a right.
Joke of it is those things cost like a million and a half each.
We could probably buy the town and every motherfucker in it for less.
You pay me half that, I'll hump in some C4 and blow the shit up my own self.
Pulled out all the stops for these guys, didn't we? It's as if there's a plan.
That's two tootsie rolls.
At least we get something out of this bullshit mission.
Yo, John, back off! It's a fucking Charm dump.
Even pogs got common sense.
Those the hajis on our side.
Where'd they fucking go to? General AlhamadI's operatives were compromised shortly after entering the town last night.
They were executed by Ba'ath party loyalists.
Clearly, this impacted negatively on the morale of his forces.
So your freedom fighters ran, huh? Colonel, our liberation wasn't a cakewalk either.
If you rember, there were some grim moments at valley forge.
We lost 24 hours.
Sir, it seems general washington made off with my Oakleys.
Smallarms fire is picking up.
Assassin Two Three, this is Assassin Actual.
Interrogative: what are you seeing from your position? Over.
Assassin, this is Two Three.
Over.
This is Assassin Actual.
Send it.
We have eyes on the northeast corner of the town and there appears to be some dismantling of the outer barricade, general revelry and what passes for iraqi house music.
Roger that.
We're seeing the same thing.
Make sure your men know that that A.
K.
Fire is celebratory.
Over.
Roger that.
They're celebrating.
They've been liberated.
By who? Damn, they're fucking it up.
I thought we were gonna fuck it up.
It's happening all along our lines.
Republican guard abandoning their positions.
Assassin Two Three, this is Assassin Actual.
Prepare your men to move into the town and find that mato.
Over.
On top of that, you hold that.
Stop the men from fraternizing.
Get them back into armed posture.
Scott, take off that shit and stow it.
Back to the Humvees.
Get on that fucking gun! All Assassin call signs, be advised.
You are not cleared to engage without hostile intent.
Do we light them up? We're not cleared hot.
Only if they show hostile intent.
These are the bad guys, right? We're just gonna let them get away? New orders.
We're moving out and relinking with battalion.
We've barely given this town a once over.
I know.
Those are my orders.
Hey, mount up.
All Assassin Victors, this is Assassin Actual.
We've been ordered to link back up with battalion at grid papa victor 978214.
Over.
Haji tortillas They're pretty good.
That's that khubz shit.
That's their bread.
What about the missing Marine? The trickiest part will be entering Al Hayy.
It's a city four kliks long, about 100,000 inhabitants.
We're coming up the west side of it, then cutting across here.
The convoy will be forced through a series of S turns and we're crossing four separate bridges.
Our objective is the M.
S.
R.
on the north side.
We're seizing it ahead of R.
C.
T.
One's assault through the city.
It's the only way out of town, and we're the blocking force.
- Who's on point, Sir? Good news is it's Charlie company.
The bad news is that once we get here, our platoon is tasked with holding it.
I know this looks like some "Black Hawk Down" shit we're doing, but we'll be the ones initiating contact.
Not the bad guys.
All right, gentlemen, you heard the man.
Let's go set up a roadblock.
All gunners, pick up your sectors.
All Hitman Two Victors, raptor is taking fire on point.
Charlie's in contact.
Contact with what? I can't find a target.
All Hitman Two Victors, Raptor is suppressing targets with Cobras.
Break.
They're taking heavy smallarms fire two kliks to the north.
Keep your guns on those danger areas.
Watch the rooftops.
Lord, see us through.
Lord, see us through.
Lord, see us through.
He's not a target.
Hitman, this is Godfather Five.
Raptor's roadblock is set two kliks to the north.
Jacks, let's push.
Confirm that you have sealed off all northbound traffic from Al Hayy.
Over.
Ray, tell Godfather our roadblock is set up too.
Godfather, Godfather, this is Hitman.
God damn, man, son of a bitch and fuck.
The price of Copenhagen just went up.
Oh shit.
Hey, check it out, Dawg.
All right, guns up! Garza, Lovell.
Fire warnings.
Fire warnings.
Light it the fuck up.
Did they understand the warning shots? The R.
O.
E.
aren't a lot of help here.
We're all alone.
And to our south, we've got an entire hostile town in between us and closest friendlies.
And 40 kilometers to our north, we've got an full mechanized division up there in Al Kut.
And there's 70 of us, brad, holding this road.
We got trucks with weapons flanking us there.
Get on the hook.
Let's schwack them with arty.
I say again, at least two dozen military vehicles flanking us to the northwest at grid november alpha 954631.
Over.
Stand by Hitman Two.
We're working up a fire mission.
Over.
That stopped 'em.
God damn.
Sir, we need the translator up at Charlie's position.
Rudy! - Yes, sir? - Get Meesh to the northern roadblock.
Ask him why he didn't stop at our warning shots.
Ask him why he kept coming.
He said he's sorry.
He wants to know if he can take his daughter's body.
He said he's sorry? We just fucking killed his daughter.
Arabs don't grieve the way you do.
It's different for him.
What happened up at Charlie? Shit's really pretty, isn't it? Garza got him right between the eyes.
Where his eyes used to be.
Sounds like R.
C.
T.
One's fucking shit up on their way through town? Fuck yeah, they are.
I felt cold as a motherfucker shooting those guys.
Incoming.
It's Alpha.
Alpha's home.
Put it out to the team leaders We're oscar mike.
Hitman Two, this is Assassin Actual.
We are reentering friendly lines from the south.
They think we're cool 'cause we're so good at blowing shit up.
Lt.
says we're on the move.
How'd it go? Brought all my men back.
And Ash Shatrah? What happened there? Nate You wouldn't believe it, man.
Y'all find the missing Marine? Thank you, Ray.
Thank you, Sergeant.