Grand Crew (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

1 What's good, what's good, what's good? - Okay.
- Okay.
Whoo! Hey, I am digging the all-white, bro.
Thank you, kindly.
You know, I woke up this morning feeling fresh-to-death, so I thought I'd dress like an angel.
And in the spirit of angelic behavior, drinks on me today.
- Hey! - Let's do it! - Hey.
- All right.
Fay, why don't we start with some of that natural Merlot y'all got on tap? - Good choice.
- And keep 'em coming, because we goin' all night long.
Hey, well, I'ma get on out of here, y'all.
That's it for me, baby.
- Y'all stay blessed, huh? - Mm-hmm.
I just bought this outfit! It was so expensive! Aah! Grand crew Grand crew, grand crew Bow chicka wow-wow What is that sound? Oop, that is my reminder to text Sex Henry to set up a time to have sex.
"Sex tonight, question mark.
Peach emoji, water emoji, eggplant emoji, dynamite emoji, ghost emoji.
" Ooh, 'cause he sucks the soul Okay! You don't have to narrate all your messages out loud.
- It's why texting was invented.
- Oh, so now you're Bill Gates trying to explain to me why you invented texting? - Bill Gates didn't invent texting.
- Well, he invented something.
You're just jealous 'cause you got nothing going on.
Actually, I do.
After a solid period of reflection, self-care, and spending time alone, I actually went on a date last night.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
- How'd it go? - Bad.
It was real bad.
It was a first date, and I kind of choked.
So you choked? Like choked-choked? Yeah, damn restaurants and all that thick water.
Or maybe it's not the water's fault.
You could be experiencing some anxiety about getting back out on the scene.
Maybe you should talk to a therapist.
Therapy? Uh, no, I'm good.
Black people don't do therapy.
- Mm-hmm.
- Nah! Uh, I'm Black, and I go to therapy.
Yeah, and some Black people play hockey too, but that doesn't make it normal.
Look, I don't need to talk to a therapist because I had a bad date That's what my friends are for.
Wait, am I the only one who's a part of BBWGTTYY? Black Boys Who Go To Therapy Yei-Yei! What the hell was that? But yes, you on your own.
I get all the therapy I need from YouTube compilations of Will Smith interviews.
Yeah.
I don't trust therapists.
- My psychic told me not to.
- Work is my therapy.
Whenever I'm stressed out, I just dive deeper into it.
What about when it's work that's stressing you out? - Then I do more work.
- Fight fire with fire.
- I did therapy.
- Finally, thank you.
Couples therapy is what led to my divorce.
God okay, I get it.
Therapy's not for everyone.
I'm just saying that it's helped me.
For example, I have discovered that I have issues with conflict avoidance.
You don't need therapy because you're too nice.
Look, I just need to do more reps so I can shake off some of the cobwebs.
Which is exactly why I have another date lined up for tomorrow night.
Bro, don't you know there's a drought? Save some dates for the rest of us.
I'm bone dry over here.
- I can set you up.
- Oh, Fay, no.
- I wouldn't do that, no.
- Don't do that.
Okay.
That is harsh.
Am I not good enough for your friends and acquaintances? - Quite the opposite.
- Our friends and acquaintances aren't good enough for you, Sherm.
The nerve of you to hook me up with her.
Wyatt, you really have some nerve hooking me up with her.
Nicky! Nerve! You got some.
Y'all should be taking my criticism as a compliment.
I know y'all can do better.
Reach higher.
Reach hotter.
See, Fay? You really think you can find someone for all that? Easily.
In my sleep.
I wouldn't be so confident.
- It is what it is.
- I was born a matchmaker.
I have been thanked at 132 weddings.
- I got you, Sherm.
- Thank you, Fay.
And you did get my note about reaching hotter? Mm-hmm.
Hey, Noah.
How's it going, my friend? Why you calling so late? - Just got back from my date.
- Oh, yeah? How'd it go? Dinner roll.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
She said, "I want a man with a bigger throat.
" - And then she left.
- Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Well, you know, I could set you up with someone who wouldn't judge you for choking on a dinner roll.
Really? That's a very specific thing to know about a person, but I would love to meet - It's a therapist.
- Damn it! I should have known.
Look, will you stop with the therapy thing? What happened to my hype man? - Hype man? - Yeah, you.
The guy I call after dates to hype me up.
Don't sweat it, bro.
You've got this, brother.
Brother! I'm just trying to help.
What response do you want from me? I want you to say I'm good and to call me brother, and we could just keep laughing and talking like we always do.
Okay.
You're good, brother.
Well, it doesn't work if I force you to say it.
I want you to want to say it.
The reason why there are therapists is because they are trained and they provide a safe space and can say things that friends can't.
What is it that you can't say? Nothing.
I'm just saying maybe I can't say, or I don't know what I can't say is all I'm saying that I can't say.
Are you struggling to avoid conflict again? - Of course I am.
- Look, if I try this therapy thing, will you please just go back to normal? I want my hype man back.
Yes, that's all I want.
Then I'll do it.
Yes, my brother! Now see, that's the brother I was looking for.
Bow chicka wow-wow Ooh, time to text Sex Henry.
Hold up, you're hooking up on back-to-back nights? Are you looking for a relationship? No.
But if the right guy came along who was successful, compassionate, juicy butt.
I mean, Sex Henry, he's not the full package, but he is a package, and a woman has needs.
This isn't about needs.
This is about keeping things casual.
And you are in gross violation of the TACS Code.
Tax code? What does my income have to do with any of this? No, T-A-C-S.
Timeless Advice for Casual Sex.
Accountants don't have time for relationships during tax season, so to keep things casual, this accountant came up with a list of codes to follow.
TACS Code 5-9 clearly states one must not engage with the same hookup on back-to-back nights.
Back-to-back nights just means we're on the same page sexually, okay? TACS Code 8-2, never assume you're on the same sex page.
- Fay, quit stalling.
- When you gonna set me up? - Already did.
- Wait, what? - This Cab would be better with food.
- Oh, yeah.
Especially a slice of pizza.
The pizza girl? Oh, she was cool and fine too.
- You said reach hotter.
- I finally feel seen.
Now here is her phone number and the restaurant you're gonna meet her at tomorrow night.
This is amazing.
How did you know we would vibe? How did you orchestrate all of this? How is water wet? I hope you two are taking notes, because Fay here is putting y'all to shame.
Okay.
For now.
I think it's too early for you to claim victory.
And if I were you, Fay, I'd be worried.
Hm, is water worried about being wet? I've seen this before.
You're getting too cocky.
Noah Coleman? Damn! I mean, damn.
I mean, hi.
I mean, yes, I'm Noah.
Wyatt, I have to give you major props, man.
That therapist you set me up with was great.
I'm not surprised.
My therapist did say that she was highly qualified.
Yeah, to be on the cover of a magazine.
My therapist did say that she was in "Psychology Weekly.
" - Not that kind of magazine.
- Like, for hot people.
- She's hot.
- What? Yeah, she's a baddie.
It's silly.
- Check this out.
- Unreal.
Good golly.
- She take insurance? - She sure does.
So you're telling me I can chop it up with this woman right here, compliments of A-etna? Maybe therapy ain't so bad after all.
All right, calm down, y'all.
Noah, you shouldn't be attracted to your therapist.
Don't you think that that can maybe get in the way of you being real with her? Oh, I got real.
So how are you feeling today? 100% perfect.
No issues whatsoever.
That was real.
Look, I did feel perfect just by her presence.
My point is therapy can't help you with your choking issue if you don't take it seriously.
You need a therapist where you can focus on yourself and not their looks, like with my therapist.
- Bro, he looks just like you.
- He does? Huh.
I don't see it.
All I see is a normal, pleasant man who I have zero romantic tension with.
So therapy is just you talking to yourself in the mirror? Got it.
Ooh.
That was some good sex.
What was that move at the end? It was crazy.
I call that the windmill.
I just took my slightly past your and then I while you.
You know like a windmill.
That makes perfect sense now that you explain it.
- Very nice.
- Yeah.
Oh, no.
Dang.
- Where's my phone? - Hold up, I'll call it.
- Bow chicka wow-wow - Okay.
- Oh.
- Bow chicka "Sex Henry"? - That's all I am to you? - Yes.
Oh, you want me to change it to "Great Sex Henry.
" Nah, I just thought that we were something more.
I mean, we did just hang out on back-to-back nights.
Oh, no, the Code.
- I tried to tell you.
- So what happened? Are things done with you and Sex Henry? No, it's worse.
We're exclusive now.
So Sex Henry is just Henry? - I think this is great.
- Noah thinks it's great.
This is a disaster.
Also, Henry wants to go get dinner.
Oh, no, no, no.
TACS Code 12-Q never share a meal.
That's one of the most critical codes along with 12-Y.
Never let them meet your friends.
What then? I need to get him back to casual status.
- You must have a code for that.
- Oh, now you want the Code? Everybody clowns on the Code until they need it.
But now Just shut up! Just shut up and help me! I'm sorry.
No man or woman has ever made it back to casual.
I can go back.
I will go back.
Back into his arms.
- Ow! - Hey, Fay! - Hey, Sherm.
- Nerve, nerve, nerve.
Nerve is the word for what you have.
It's happening.
It's all unfolding like we said it would.
Not so fast.
Tell me what happened.
Okay, Tiff and I went out last night.
Things were going well until we went back to her place.
- I don't understand.
- You had sex so good that you broke the bed? How is that a problem? The dope sex wasn't the problem.
But afterwards, this woman had the gall to send me a Venmo request for half the bed frame.
Can you believe that? Wow.
Are you really that cheap? I'm not cheap.
I'm principled.
Kristen and I break the bed at least twice a year.
We take that as a sign of how strong our relationship is.
You should split the cost.
I agree.
If Henry asked me to pay, - I would pay.
- 'Cause that's your man now.
- Okay, quiet.
- All of y'all are children.
And I'm a grown up, and I know I'm not the only person that's had sex in that bed.
Would you blame one drop of rain on turning the whole Statue of Liberty green? - No! - Fay, we tried to warn you.
No matter how genuine your efforts are, that man is impossible.
That's funny, because all I see are two strong-headed, like-minded people proving their compatibility.
You've gone mad.
Every genius has to be a little crazy.
That's how Bill Gates invented texting.
- So that's it? - We're just rewriting history on the whole Bill Gates thing cool.
Sherm, you agree that everything was going great until this moment, yes? Yes.
We broke the bed with our sex.
It was both scary and delightful.
So then just fix the bed frame.
She gets her bed back, you can still see each other, and you don't have to pay any money.
No money.
That's what I like to hear.
- You cheap.
- Principled.
Oh, speaking of romantic entanglements, Wyatt, question.
What would it mean if my beautiful therapist and I were ever to be in the same social environment? This again? Why even let your mind go there? Because my beautiful therapist just walked into the bar, and now we're in the same social environment.
Damn! Right? Whoo! I cannot believe my therapist came to the bar.
That was nuts.
I think you're making this a bigger deal than what it actually is.
- Are you serious? - Did you even see what happened? - Noah, hi! - Hey there! - So? - Aren't they supposed to ignore you when they see you in public? Isn't there some law of silence? What are you talking about? There is no law of silence.
Nah, I think Noah's right.
Remember that scene from "The Sopranos" when Tony sees Dr.
Melfi at that restaurant? Yep.
She totally ignores him.
Yeah, but not by law.
What if Dr.
Ten-Out-of-Ten Medicine Woman is actually into you? I mean, she was asking me a lot of personal questions in the last session.
That's what therapists do.
- Nicky, what's good? - Oh, I'm just calling to tell you that you need to write an amendment to the Timeless Advice for Casual Sex Code.
Oh, no.
What are you doing? - Doubling down.
- The only way to get Henry back to cas is if I push the commitment as far as I can to make him realize how much better he had it.
Nicky, what you are talking about is very high risk.
If anything goes wrong, you might end up in a fully committed relationship.
You might end up having to introduce him to us.
Us, Nicky, your friends.
That's a risk I'm willing to take.
Oh.
Hey, baby, what's all this? - Baby? - Hi, honey.
- Honey? - I made dinner.
Dinner? Oh, no, Nicky! Nicky, now Nicky, no! All right.
See? Neither of us has to pay for a new bed frame.
- It's good as new.
- Okay, cool.
Cool? Can I get like a thank you? I don't feel as though I should have to say thank you when what I really wanted was partial compensation for a new bed frame, not shoddy handiwork.
- Shoddy handiwork? - This bed is sturdy as hell.
We broke the bed together.
That's a 50/50 act.
Every pleasure has its price.
That's Socrates.
You think I don't know Socrates when I hear him? Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.
Also Socrates.
I would not make you pay for a new bed frame, because I think you would have a right to be upset.
Whatever.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
That's a Jay-Z quote.
Nothing you're saying is going over my head.
And for the record, I didn't go to college.
Neither did I.
Oh, damn! It's back on again.
Hey.
What's up, y'all? So things have escalated with my hot therapist.
- She sent me a text.
- Ooh.
Damn.
What'd she say? "Funny running into you the other day.
This made me think of you.
Smiley emoji.
" - She's thinking of me.
- And she also sent you an article titled "How to Open Up in Therapy.
" Yeah, but that smiley emoji though? - True.
- It's wild.
- Yeah.
- Noah, you want to go over by that window really quick? I think I just saw a really cool bird out there.
- For real? - Yeah, I love birds.
Where's the bird? Did it fly away? Ugh, the coolest ones always do.
- There is no bird.
- I'm confronting you.
What? Why would you lie about a bird? I think all this stuff about your hot therapist is you avoiding your actual issue.
- Are you kidding me? - How would you even know? Did you talk to her about your dating problems? I'm not allowed to talk to you about my therapy sessions.
Patient-doctor confidentiality.
- That's not how it works.
- It's the other way around.
Who cares? I'm in therapy.
That's what you wanted.
Why are you being so uptight? Because every time I try to tell you something that you don't want to hear, you immediately dismiss it.
- That's not true.
- See, this is exactly how my therapist said you might respond.
Oh, so you're talking to your little evil twin and kee-keeing about me? No! Maybe.
You're not allowed to know.
Patient-doctor confidentiality.
I thought you said that's not how it works.
- Dude, why are you coming at me? - I'm not coming at you.
I'm I'm finally doing what my therapist encouraged me to do and not avoiding conflict.
You know what, maybe you're just jealous because you need therapy and I don't.
I may be jealous of your height, and I may be jealous of your gorgeous thick head of hair, but no part of me is jealous of your delusional-ass self.
- There is no bird! - I know! Are you okay, Noah? You seem upset.
I got into a fight with my best friend, Wyatt.
But you know what, this isn't the place for that.
I'm fine.
How are you? I'm fine.
What was the fight about? It's so dumb.
He thinks me being attracted to you means I'm not working through my real issues in here.
- You're attracted to me? - Oh, did I say that? You are pretty.
And I acknowledge that.
Wow.
You really gonna be quiet and make me do all the talking? What do you want me to say? I don't know.
Why'd you send me that text over the weekend? I sent that to you because I thought the article might resonate and get you to start sharing more.
But that, uh that smiley emoji? I find emojis help make things less intense with patients, especially when the article is about something they're grappling with.
But you said hi at the bar.
There's no law about saying hi.
- Oh, my God, there isn't? - No.
Is it getting hot in here? Oh, no.
It's happening again.
Again? This is something that happens to you a lot? Maybe.
Yes.
On some dates, yes.
And trust me, I know this isn't a date, by the way, so you can chill out with all the stares.
I don't know why I'm here.
You know, I don't need to pay someone so they can help me analyze my feelings.
That's what my friends are for, and my sister, and my mom wait, actually, she's dead, she's not here anymore.
- But don't read - Take a breath, Noah.
- Why? - Because you're not breathing.
It seems like you're experiencing some anxiety.
From the fear of being alone? I wouldn't know.
You've hardly shared anything with me.
Right.
Right, right.
Guys, this is Henry.
Henry, Anthony, Sherm.
Hi, Henry.
It's so nice to meet you.
Yeah, it's nice to meet you as well.
I'm so excited to get to know you guys.
Listen, I'ma go ahead and grab us a round of drinks.
- Yeah? - Sounds good.
I told you there's no going back.
I'm only in this situation 'cause your damn Code got in my head and ruined everything.
Hey, you can hate the codemaker, but do not hate the Code.
I do hate the codemaker.
Well, Sherm, how did it go with Tiff? You were right.
We are very alike.
We got in a major philosophical fight, which led to crazy sex again, and that sex created yet another problem.
Tiff, what the hell? She tried to get me to pay for the hole.
But her roommate had my back in the argument, and actually is pretty cool.
So we're getting drinks tomorrow.
For real? Told you, the man can't be set up.
Or can he? - What's going on? - Explain your devious tone.
Tiff's roommate, the girl through the hole, that's my cousin, Kisha.
- What? - It was simple.
You wanted a new girl, and my cousin wanted Tiff to move out because she sucks, and now she definitely will, because her roommate is dating you.
- It was the perfect setup.
- Damn.
We never should have doubted you.
Respect, sister queen.
- Noah, what's up? - Wyatt, we should talk.
- Yeah, you're right.
- I was thinking about it, and I shouldn't have pressured you to go to therapy.
- Wyatt.
- No, no, no.
Let me finish.
I was putting my insecurities about avoiding conflict onto you.
Therapy is a personal choice.
And you know what, maybe hot therapist does like you.
- Wyatt.
- No, I'm serious.
Everyone was on board, and it's true.
She is a baddie.
- Wyatt, I choked.
- What? Ugh.
It went bad.
I guess I always assumed I understood my emotions because I'm an emotional guy, and I I just never really looked at therapy as a normal thing, but you you helped me see that it is.
Thank you for keeping it real and for not just being my hype man.
Of course.
And I hope that you know, I'm still gonna be your number one hype man no matter what.
- Oh, yeah? - Hell yeah, brother.
Nice.
But before you get too hype, I do need you to recommend a new therapist for me.
- I got you, brother.
- Awesome.
But seriously, it was embarrassing.
- I choked on my own tears.
- That's right! - You did, brother! - No.
This isn't a hype-worthy moment.
I disagree brother.
What's up, y'all? Uh, is this Henry? Yup.
Just Henry.
Pretty with the big hair.
You must be Noah, right, the brother? And ooh, you look married.
What's good, Wyatt? We are all finally here.
The crew! Stop it, Sex Henry! - Sex Henry? - Yes.
Sex Henry, because that's your name.
I don't want to be your girlfriend.
I want to be your sex friend.
We had a really good thing going, and I just want to get back to that.
This is my truth.
Will you join me in it? Yeah.
That's cool.
Let's get out of here.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go sex Sex Henry.
- He gonna blow my back out.
- All the way out! She did it.
She just did the impossible and she did it with honesty.
Mr.
Coleman? Oh, my God, you look perfect.
Excuse me? Nothing.
Let's get to work.