Harlem (2021) s01e04 Episode Script
Winter Solstice
1
[smooth music]
[Camille]
It's the Winter Solstice,
and as the North Pole tilts
the furthest it ever will
from the Sun today,
we will have the shortest day
and the longest night
of the entire year.
[all chanting]
Across many cultures,
there's a shared belief that
tonight on this long night,
the old must end
in order to begin anew.
The surprises
just keep coming with you.
And with you.
I tell you I'm engaged,
and you show up
and boycott my restaurant.
Oh, right.
Wait, you're serious.
Ian, you can't possibly think
that's what this is all about.
Yeah, I can.
I do.
Wow. The male ego
rarely disappoints.
[scoffs]
Unlike a woman scorned.
I am not scorned!
That-that-that's
not what this is.
And for the record,
I didn't even know
that you worked here.
Somehow you left that out
in the whole,
"Hi, Camille, I'm back,
and I'm engaged" messiness.
Ah, you see?
You are pissed.
No. You know what?
I am not even actually sure
what this exact combination of
emotions I'm feeling right now
is, but pissed definitely feels
like a oversimplification.
Are you gonna keep protesting
now that you know
this is my restaurant?
It's not your restaurant!
You are nowhere
in the marketing of it, Ian.
They gentrified your ass
out of the poster
along with the rest
of the Black folks in Harlem.
All right, whatever. The
picture is a fucking mistake.
- I told them to get rid of it.
- Yeah.
But the food,
the recipes, they're mine.
It is not yours!
It is yet another
white-owned business
forcing out a Harlem staple
from a neighborhood
that it helped build.
You just happen
to be complicit.
Complicit?
Ray's went out of business
on its own, months ago.
That has nothing to do with me.
I feel bad about it.
Honestly, answer me this,
Camille.
How is this any different
than you teaching at Columbia,
a school with roots in
the slave trade, over an HBCU?
Oh, girl,
I know you not talking.
I am the one who told you that
when they offered me the job.
You are the one who said,
"Oh, well, you know,
being one of the few Black PhDs
can make a difference."
Exactly.
I didn't fucking protest you.
I know how to be
a supportive partner.
Wow. Did you really
just say that?
Camille, there are
so few Black head chefs
in fine dining.
There's hardly any of us.
With this investment group
I got behind me,
I got a serious shot
at a Michelin star.
That's gonna put me
ahead of the pack.
Then I can open up
my own place.
You understand?
It's a step towards a long-term
plan I got going on.
The problem with your plans
is that they never take
into consideration
anyone else but you.
It's always been that way.
Right.
And there's nothing personal
about any of this.
No. You know what?
Yeah, this part is personal.
Fuck you.
Fuck you!
- Ooh.
- I didn't want to interrupt.
You just heard all of that?
[Dr. Pruitt] I did,
but I will pretend I didn't.
- We'll start again.
- Yeah.
I am moderating a panel
on the effects
of charter schools
on Black children in New York.
Oh! Part of my dissertation
was about that.
Yes, I know.
That's why I'm coming to you.
Oh.
One of my panelists
is Jameson
Royce.
The the social justice guy?
- Yes. He's insufferable.
- He's yeah.
My other panelist cancelled.
She's got a sick kid
or a sick dog or something.
I don't know. I just stopped
listening after a while.
- Oh.
- And my replacement
is not available,
and my replacement's
replacement is not available,
so you'll step in.
Today?
Uh, without any preparation?
Here's the thing.
Where I come from,
when your boss
asks you to do something
in a rhetorical fashion,
the answer should be
Yes. I said yes.
I had to.
Which means canceling
my therapy appointment
because, of course,
it's at the same time.
And I really needed
therapy today,
especially after
that fight with Ian.
Do you know what he had
the audacity to say to me?
No. No, no, no. Remember,
we are moving on from Ian.
Yeah, you're right.
No, we are.
We're totally
moving on from Ian.
He said that I wasn't
a supportive partner.
Can you believe that shit?
Me? Not supportive?
I mean, I should've
checked his ass
for even letting that
come out of his mouth.
You know what
I should have said was
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
Here we go.
See, you always do this, okay?
You stew on shit for hours,
and then all of a sudden,
you play a few rounds of
"what I should've said is"
Well, I should have said a lot.
And you know what?
It's not too late.
I'ma let his ass know right
Put the phone down and breathe.
I am breathing, bitch!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I am not mad at you.
I'm mad at Ian
and all these guys, you know,
who-who only think
about their own needs.
Fuck every last one of 'em.
Sorry I'm late.
[sobbing]
Britt, sweetie.
Are you okay?
Never been better.
You're literally crying.
The wedding is off.
- Paul cheated
- [both gasp]
With the caterer.
Oh, my God.
Brittany, I'm so sorry.
I hate it.
And tonight's
bachelorette party is still on.
Luelle's wouldn't give me
my deposit back,
so I hired strippers, and now
it's a "fuck love" party.
Strippers? Girl,
we eat there all the time.
Is that even sanitary?
You both better come.
And invite anyone.
I'm putting it on Paul's AMEX.
Fucker.
[Pilates instructor]
Now, let's all begin
- with some cleansing breaths.
- [phone dings]
He Venmo'd me?
- Who Venmo'd you?
- That asshole from Prestige.
He tricks me into coming
to a pyramid scheme,
and then he Venmos me
for 12 measly dollars
for a lobster roll.
Quiet, please.
We're in a class.
And we are in a crisis!
I mean, am I not worth $12?
You're worth $12.
We all are.
What the hell is wrong
with these men?
We are good women.
We don't deserve this shit!
- No, we don't.
- Man, fuck this Venmo asshole!
[Camille]
Yeah. And fuck Ian.
You know what?
Niggas ain't shit.
And these white niggas
ain't shit either.
Sure the fuck aren't.
Motherfucking Paul
and his cheating ass!
You know what?
Fuck all these niggas.
Girl, fuck 'em.
These white niggas,
Black niggas,
brown, yellow, red, green,
and blue niggas too.
Fuck all the niggas
of the rainbow.
'Cause none of these niggas
ain't shit.
[Pilates instructor]
Ladies, I am so sorry,
but maybe you would be more
comfortable in another class.
We don't allow
racial epithets here.
- "Racial epithets"?
- Pardon me,
but we can say nigga because
we are, in fact, some niggas.
I do not know what to say.
And this is so awkward,
but I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
- Okay.
- Fine.
That's fine.
[both scoff]
[both]
Nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga.
Nigga, nigga,
nigga, nigga, nigga.
[Brittany] Um, I actually
paid for this class,
so I'm wondering if I can
[both] Nigga!
[singer] Acting stupid
Okay, CJ. Don't go too short.
It's for
- Forbes. I know. I got you.
- Okay.
- Yo, yo, yo. What's poppin'?
- Yo.
Yo, let me tell you about
this shorty I had last night.
I beat the brakes
off that monkey.
Skeeted on her face
and everything.
Like rah, rah, rah!
Look, I'm telling you,
these hos bust it wide open
for a six-piece nugget.
No fries.
Yo, you gon' handle this?
He's new.
He don't know the rules.
Yo, Ant, chill.
You got a lady present.
[Ant] Maybe the lady
shouldn't try so hard
to look like a dude.
Barbershop is a safe space.
You're not using
the term "safe space"
correctly, dumbass.
Yeah. Well, she just laying
there, all nutted on and shit.
Yo, CJ, please get yo boy.
[CJ] Tye, what can I do?
Ant's family.
I've been coming here
for years.
[CJ] We fam,
but me and Ant are fam-i-ly.
He's my mom's sister's
son's nephew. We cousins, Tye.
So anyway, I 'bout
to titty-fuck the ho, right?
And then, suddenly, I realized
shorty got one titty bigger
than the other!
[Tye]
Fuck this. I'm out.
[Megan Thee Stallion]
♪it's too much drip ♪
Ooh, I keep a knot, I keep
a watch, I keep a whip
Was it something I said?
- [laughter]
- What? What'd I say?
Come on, bruh.
Come on, man.
Come on, bruh.
Come on, B.
I'm desperate.
You really don't got nobody
who could cut my hair?!
I'll take a wash girl
at this point.
Nah, dude.
The shoot is tomorrow.
So next Tuesday
really doesn't help me.
Come on.
You really can't fit me in?
It's Forbes!
I'll pay you double. Triple.
No, I'm not keeping your kids
for the weekend, Shanice.
How the hell
is that a fair trade?
You're buggin'.
Ooh, that body right ♪
But you know
this pussy fat ♪
Ooh, I drop a picture
now these
Hey, girl.
Welcome to
Get Out: the Musical.
I'm Aundrea.
Sunken Place Chorus.
- You?
- Hey.
Angie.
The same, I guess.
Eric. I'm the teacup.
Jesus.
Someone plays the teacup?
Not just someone. Me, bitch.
[Aundrea] Queen.
I knew this was gonna be
a corny-ass piece of shit.
Mm-mm.
No, I can't do this.
Who cares?
It's Get Out.
Anyone who's anyone
in Black Hollywood
gon' roll out to support.
Being in this is going
to be like auditioning
for every director, producer,
and actor that matters.
Hamilton all over.
Everybody there
from the lead to the chorus
got mad job offers.
Oh, yeah?
[Eric] Yes, girl.
Get this money.
Okay, well, talk to me then.
[Eric] Okay.
Angela Wilson?
Okay. My mama
don't even call me that.
Just got paperwork
from Actors' Equity,
says you're not in the union.
Oh, nah, I'm more of a singer.
And I'm more of a supermodel.
And yet, here we are.
Here, you're still an actor,
and you have to join.
$600 initiation fee.
Check or credit card?
$600?
Can't you just take it out
of my pay?
You know, spread it out over, I
don't know, a couple of years?
Nope. Union Production
means union actors only.
Surprised you were even cast.
End of the week,
or we have to recast.
[R&B music playing]
[Jameson] Look, folks,
all you have to do is
look at the numbers.
There's a reason charter
schools are in 42 states.
They work.
And there's a McDonald's
in all 50 states,
but does that mean
they're good for you?
Well, for some folks
who live on
and a below the poverty line,
the dollar menu
is all they can afford.
Don't knock it.
Oh, no, I wasn't. The spicy
chicken sandwich goes hard.
And I appreciate the apple
slice option in Happy Meals.
But the point
that I was making
is, many low-income families
depend on public schools,
of which I am a product.
- As am I.
- And I would like to add
that I was fortunate enough
to attend a private school.
Hey, hold on, apple slice.
So then, you should extra know
that charters rob funding
from the public school system.
The same
school-to-prison system
that gives zero fucks about
Black and brown boys like me.
Precisely why I'm fundraising
to start my own charter school
in Harlem.
To support and uplift
our Black boys.
And what about
our Black girls?
We don't need y'all's support?
I fully support Black girls,
Black women,
and women of color.
That's not what I was saying.
I'm saying that
statistically, Black men
No!
Why is everything
always about men
and their wants
and their dreams?
What about our dreams?
What about what we want?
You can't just show back up
on my block with a-
with a racist poster
of your restaurant
and a fiancée with an accent,
and expect a warm welcome.
Are we still talking
about charters?
[Kurt]
I would like to say that I also
fully support Black men.
I think now's a good time
to take a little break.
Don't you?
That was good.
In the future,
I'd like my panels
to be
a little less Jerry Springer.
Right, maybe yeah.
[Dr. Pruitt] Okay.
Go throw some water
on your face
and come to my office
at 9:00 a.m.
tomorrow morning sharp,
and we'll talk about this.
- Okay?
- Okay. Okay.
Okay. This was good
Thank you.
till it wasn't.
And then it went right off
the fucking rails.
[Raphael Lake:
"Going Harder"]
Right.
[Raphael]
'Nother dollar, 'nother day ♪
I ain't worried about
a thing from yesterday ♪
Swerving so hard
in the getaway ♪
I stay on the move,
move like andale
Hi. Can I help you?
Uh, I don't know.
I'm more of a barber
type of lady.
We take every type of lady.
Let me take a look.
Oh, shit.
And I have a major photo shoot,
like huge.
So just a shape-up.
Hit me with a two guard on the
sides and clean up the back.
Well, I can
easily handle that.
But what about
your amazing bouffant on top?
How can we really
make that shine?
Um, I'm just gonna wet it,
throw some conditioner in it,
and let it do
what it's gon' do.
That's how I roll.
But you said it was
for a big photo shoot.
May I suggest a hair steaming
for hydration and blood flow?
We call it "The Paradisio."
A Cece signature.
Mm, The Paradisio
sounds like a lot.
I'll just stick
to the shape-up.
You look like
you're having a hard day.
Indulge yourself.
You deserve it.
All right.
Grease me up.
[sighs] I yelled
at a complete stranger.
And I'm on my fourth biscuit.
Oh, girl.
I told my keys to fuck off
when I couldn't get
the door open.
[Jill]
Teddy, put that shoe back. Now.
[Camille] And here I thought
yelling in Pilates class
was our low for the day.
Men are ruining us.
You know what?
Let's celebrate the solstice.
Let's leave the past behind.
I'm in. How?
We are gonna go
to ridiculous Brittany's
ridiculous night
for a ridiculous
[Jameson] Well, well, well.
- Shit.
Quinn, I'll call you
right back.
I mean, I did not take you,
you, as the Red Lobster type.
I'm not.
I mean, what non-tourist
eats at Red Lobster?
I had a meeting nearby.
What up, Cammy?
If you wanna move to your usual
booth, it's about to open up.
[quietly] Thanks.
Perfectly timed.
I mean, I ain't judging,
Cammy, but seriously, these-
these cheddar biscuits,
I mean, they speak to my soul.
Right? See, don't even get me
started on the coconut shrimp.
- What?
- Yes.
With that piña colada
dipping sauce?
Yes! Okay, see.
I like to mix mine
with the dragon sauce.
The dragon sauce?
I've never tried that.
Oh, my gosh!
I just changed your life.
- Okay.
- [Camille laughs]
Look, I am sorry if I was
really intense on the panel.
No, never apologize.
There's nothing wrong
with passion.
- Thanks.
- I'm gonna look you up on IG
in case you ever wanna
argue again in person
over wine.
[techno music]
♪
[Jameson] Think about it.
♪
[Jill] Here.
Play with mommy's phone.
We're almost done.
[Angie] Hey, girl.
What's going on?
Um, Mom can't
control her daughter,
and we are going out tonight
to watch strippers.
Ooh, boys or girls?
Boys, I think.
It's a party.
I have finally realized
that Mr. Right is a lie,
so Camille and I
are looking for Mr. Right Now.
Aw. Hey, well,
welcome to my world.
So, I need to borrow $600
from you ASAP
and I'll pay you back
ASAP ish.
[Quinn] I thought that
now that you were working,
this was gonna stop.
I need to pay to work.
Fucking union.
But you know,
I'll work it off here.
I'll keep the store open three
extra hours at $200 an hour.
Tempting offer,
but you know I tore up
my mom's check and rent is due.
Well, I need to earn
that $600 somehow.
Quinn, I have to come back.
Teddy's too hyper
to try on clothes.
Aw, I'm sorry, Jill.
I understand.
She seems like a handful today.
She's the worst.
I'm so over it.
I'm totally, totally lost
since my Jamaican nanny quit.
Yeah.
I hate when that happens.
[Jill] I'm desperate for help,
but she has to be Jamaican.
I had a Jamaican nanny
when I grew up, and I miss her.
[Angie affecting accent]
Luk at dat beautiful gyal.
She is your dawta?
- Hello?
- Hello, good night.
I'm Ruby
from Trelawny, Jamaica.
Jill McCabe.
Such a pleasure to meet you.
I love your island.
Best cornrows I ever had.
Do enuh anyone luk
for ah nanny?
I think I heard "nanny."
Are you a nanny?
Mia? Yes.
Me tekk care of ya dawta.
So she no ack like
she no have no mannas
like she raised back o' bush.
[chuckles]
Oh, I love you already.
Don't you love her already?
Teddy?
Can you come to my house
for an interview
and trial time with Teddy?
Sure can.
For $600.
What? No, I don't pay
to interview.
Me raze all five uh
mi bruddahs and mi sistuhs.
Mi poppa was just like
the song: a rollin' stone.
An' he rolled uhway.
Bless your heart.
No clue what you're saying,
but maybe we could call it
a salary advance if I hire you?
$600, it is.
Here's my name,
number, address.
And I will see you tomorrow
at 9:00.
- See yuh, miss.
- Bye.
Bye-bye, Teddy.
Oh, she's so sweet.
I can tell.
Bye, Jill.
[Jill] Bye.
There's something wrong
with that girl.
No, there's something wrong
with you. Okay.
Pretending to be an immigrant
so that you could get a job?
That is a new low for you.
A new low, or low-key brilliant
that I'm hustling
that problematic white lady
out of some coins?
It is reparations.
It's cultural appropriation.
And being Jamaican myself
- Half.
- So?
And the other half
is Caymanian, bitch.
So being a full
West Indian person
Girl, you moved here
when you were four.
Tell that
to my Caribbean ancestors.
The point is, you can't just
put on a Caribbean accent
like it's a cute accessory
and then profit off of it.
It's wrong.
But since we're here,
let me tell you something,
okay?
West Indians are a beautifully
complex and diverse people
whose cultural influence
should be celebrated,
not mocked, especially
by fellow diasporians.
And certainly when you can't
even get the accent right.
Damn, Quinn.
I hear you.
Thank you.
But if you not gwan
gih the gul $600,
mi gwan have tuh do
wha mi gwan have tuh do.
Bomboclaat.
And do like your musical.
Get out.
Bombo. Bombo.
[laughter]
[Angie] Love you.
[Isabela]
I hope to bring attention
to the way
that polluted environments
disproportionately affect
Black and brown communities.
Hmm, Paradisio
is pretty good.
[sizzling]
[Isabela] Giving our children
a safe and clean place
to play should not be seen
as a radical agenda.
And the only way to make
that clear
to those in Washington
Oh! He-hello.
Ca-can someone help?
This conditioner
fucking stinks!
[upbeat music]
Fuck love!
Yes, girls!
Let's do this!
We're free.
Whoo!
Okay, darlings,
I rarely say this,
but maybe this is too ratchet.
No. No, no, no.
Not for me.
Not tonight.
That Jameson slid into my DMs.
Camille, no work tonight.
Okay?
This whole solstice thing
was your idea.
- Right.
- So come on.
Let's loosen up
and have some fun, hos.
- She on one.
- I ain't been a ho since 2005.
[Quinn] Yes!
Let us see that
transversus abdominus, honey.
What?
Oh, the "V"
that points to the "D."
- Oh.
- [women howling]
Somehow this isn't making me
feel as good about the future
as I thought it would.
[Camille] Hey.
[Angie] Hey, bitch.
[women hollering]
- Oh.
- Ooh!
Business 101, asshole:
know your audience.
- [all gasp]
- [stripper] Oh, shit!
Don King?
Oh, my God.
Tye, what happened?
Cece. Cece fucking happened.
Cece,
as in Natural Hair Cece's?
[both gasp]
- I'm so pissed!
I mean, I got
a photo shoot tomorrow,
and now I look like
I got ran over by a unicyclist.
Girl, don't even trip.
You know I got you.
Tye, say hello to "Trina."
She's my ever-present "in case
of emergency" and your new BFF.
[Tye] Okay.
- Wait.
Do you have that
with you all the time?
- All the time.
- All the time.
[announcer] And now, what
we've all been waiting for,
Oscar De La Dick-You-Down!
[Jeremih: "Birthday Sex"]
[Jeremih]
Yeah-eah ♪
It's your birthday so I know
you want to ride out
[women hollering]
[Camille]
Wait a second.
He looks like this guy
named Bobby
I used to date in high school.
Girl, I wish
I went to your school.
[scoffs] He had
an annoying cousin Skeeter.
- Whoo!
- Oh!
- [all scream]
- Ha-ha! I caught that shit.
Get ready for action
[Angie] Ooh, yes!
All right, ladies.
Who wants some?
- Not me.
- Me.
- Me!
- [women cheering]
[Camille] Oh!
- Come get this, bitch!
♪
Girl, you know I, I, I ♪
Girl, you know I, I, I ♪
I've been feening ♪
Woke up in the late night
been dreaming ♪
About your loving ♪
Girl, you know I, I, I
Yeah!
Girl, you know I, I, I ♪
[women hollering]
Just need your body
to make good ♪
Birthday sex
Oh!
[Camille] Oh!
Oh, it was in my mouth.
It was in my mouth.
Yeah ooh, okay.
Yeah, um, y'all,
I'm gonna go ahead and call it.
- Oh, you wack!
- What?
You were the one
that brought us here.
I know, but I have a 9:00 a.m.
with Dr. Pruitt in the morning.
[Tye exhales sharply]
- I got to go.
- Good luck, girl.
- Thank you.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
One, two, three
Quinn.
[squeals, then giggles]
- [mouths]
- No. I know, I know.
Oh! Hi. Okay
[women hollering]
We grinding with passion ♪
'Cause it's your birthday ♪
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hello.
More stripper talk, please.
You have a beautiful smile.
Thanks.
Thank you, Oscar de la
Shawn.
[voice cracks]
Oscar de la Shawn.
[squealing]
Woke up in the late night
been dreaming ♪
About your loving
[rasping]
Bye, bitches!
That ain't even fair.
[Journey Montana:
"Forget Me"]
♪
[Journey] Gotta leave the
city when it's getting bad ♪
I can feel the love
you're not feeling back ♪
[notification chimes]
Down for a minute
it's my favorite part ♪
One call and I'm right back
in it ♪
Windowpane
my window's open ♪
Hurting me
'cause you was broken
Oh. Glad you texted.
I had a feeling you might.
Well, then the joke's on you,
because I butt texted.
I just didn't want
to leave you hanging.
Uh-huh.
So we didn't vibe earlier?
There was a vibe.
Vibe adjacent.
Vibe adjacent?
[chuckles]
So are we just gonna stand
out here and freeze all night,
or is there a plan?
Plan?
Where's the fun in that?
Come on.
Look around us.
Million possibilities,
you know?
Let's have one of those
"only-in-New-York"
kind of nights.
Oh, yeah.
Last time I had one of those,
I was 21,
and I ended up in the back
of Trick Daddy's tour bus
in Atlantic City.
But it was memorable, right?
For Angie, it was.
That's my friend.
You never met her.
Well, I thought we could
check this place out.
This place?
- Yeah. Come on.
- But
Okay, if this is
an elaborate plan
to get me to do your laundry,
I'm gonna kill you.
[chuckles]
After you.
Oh, my God.
[gasps]
Has this always been here?
I thought I knew
every secret spot in Harlem.
- I told you to trust me.
- Oh, my gosh.
It's the 1979 original version
of Asteroids.
This cannot be real.
Damn, it's like that.
You know the year?
Centipede!
Wow. You really like
video games, huh?
Yeah.
I was a total latchkey kid.
When my mom was at work, I used
to spend hours at two places:
the public library
and this arcade
a few blocks away
from our apartment.
Single mom, huh?
Yeah. Cliché, cliché.
You know, I hate to brag,
but I was kind of like
the neighborhood champ.
Well, I don't know which
neighborhood you grew up in,
'cause you weren't better
than me.
- Oh, is that a challenge?
- Challenge?
No. No, no. I mean, yeah.
It's a challenge, if you want.
- Is it?
- Let's see what you got.
I'm just saying, 'cause if it
is, you know what I'm saying,
you done messed up.
Hold that.
Ooh. This is the money
you gonna owe me later?
Oh, yes.
[Jameson] Whoa!
[Camille] Wow.
- That's crazy, huh?
- Damn!
- Are you impressed?
- Let me show you
what a real champion
looks like, all right?
Okay, let's see.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, and I still got it.
- Wow.
Okay. You do-you do got it.
That's for sure.
No. Stop it.
- Okay oh!
- [sighs]
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa.
[both] Oh!
- And-and stop. Don't!
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
I know you like her a lot,
but she's not
- Let me try another one.
- Go for it.
- Ooh.
- Yes!
It's the night of my life!
[squeals]
City with the best cheesecake.
[both] New York.
- Same answer again?
- This is freaky.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
How about your favorite color?
- Red.
- Red.
Look, I feel kinda corny,
but I'm digging this.
No, no, I can't do this.
No, no, no.
- You can't do what?
- This.
The flirty
back-and-forth thing.
But, no, I have decided
that I will no longer look
for a good guy.
Yeah, but I am
a good guy, though.
You are?
Yeah.
No. No.
Uh-uh.
We're not doing this.
The, uh, cutesy,
romantic portion
of the evening has ended.
Okay. I understand.
However, the
sexy, fucking part
is about to begin.
What do you say?
Your place.
No strings.
I dig that too.
[singer] Going in on sight
now ♪
Look where we at, yeah,
look where we at ♪♪
[Jameson] Oh, no way
that was Wesley Snipes.
[Camille] That was definitely
Wesley Snipes.
- You are out of your mind.
- Are you serious?
Why would he be on the subway?
I don't know,
but it definitely
looked like Wesley Snipes.
Yo, check this out.
This is-this is why
I love New York winters.
Mm, yeah.
My hands are frozen.
And I'm more of
a New York-in-the-summer kind
of gal.
New York in the summer?
Way too hot and muggy.
You're thinking summer days.
I'm talking summer nights.
Oh.
Swanky rooftop,
fancy cocktail on your hand,
view of the whole city in front
of you
Nothing beats that.
Plus I'm a summer baby anyway.
Mm, Gemini?
Wait, that was crazy.
How did you do that?
Look, I could sense all that
Gemini energy in today's panel.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Y'all can get pretty wild.
Oh, well, not that wild.
I was supposed to be out
with my girlfriends tonight
at a strip club,
hooking up with a guy
I just met,
but I'm here with you, so
Oh.
Well, we just met.
Yeah, we did just meet.
[Symphani Soto:
"Just Enough"]
♪
[Symphani] Tell me how it
goes when we're apart ♪
Tell me how it feels
when we're this far ♪
If you're cunnin',
I don't have your heart ♪
Then I don't wanna know ♪
Baby, pull a shade
over my eyes ♪
And our talkin' love
will keep me blind ♪
And I'll always be there
by your side ♪
And I will let you go ♪
Just promise me
you'll love me ♪
Enough as long
as I can see you ♪
Oh, oh, oh ♪
Just promise me
you'll love me
This is Peter.
He's my favorite.
This is Judas.
I hate him.
And this is Jesus.
Oh, hello, Jesus.
She turned all
her American Girl dolls
into Bible characters.
Twelve grand worth
of collectibles.
[whispers]
Fucking shoot me.
I, uh, did not know
your family was so religified.
Just me.
Mommy and Daddy
are going to hell.
[Jill] So you're from Trelawny?
I've never been to that part
of the island. What's it like?
Uh, art.
Flat and nea' the wata.
Aw, I love Jamaica,
but I do have strict rules
about marijuana in my house.
First rule,
you have to share it with me.
I'm just kidding.
I don't
[whispers]
I am not kidding. I'm not.
Oh, mi love Gawd too
and mi read Bible all day long.
- I love her, Mommy.
- [Jill] Oh, yay!
Aw, she's so happy.
I guess you're hired.
[laughs nervously]
Yay.
You know what? You remind me
so much of Viola Davis.
I love her.
Don't you just love her?
So much.
Well, I don't know.
I don't wanna spoil your fun.
So I should probably run a
few errands and I don't know.
I'll see you in,
like, five or six hours.
[normally]
Okay. The dolly shit is okay,
but your mom's
racist bullshit is not.
All dark-skinned women
do not look the same,
and we are not here just
to take care of white kids.
Where did your accent go?
Hush chile, you talk too much
like ya damn matha.
More tea.
I am not my hair.
My hair doesn't define me.
I am not my hair.
My hair doesn't define me.
[Anna] Knock, knock.
[Tye] Hi.
[Anna] Hey, stranger.
You owe me a date.
I was hoping you'd be here,
but also sorta hoping
you wouldn't be.
Well, I was wondering
what was taking so long,
and now I see.
Trust me,
what's going on underneath here
is way worse.
I tried to fix a mistake,
and I think I went too far.
You wanna show me?
[sighs]
And?
Fucking flawless.
Now I really want that date.
[laughter]
[energetic music]
♪
[sighs]
♪
Jameson.
Oh, rise and shine,
sleepyhead.
What time is it?
Uh, 12:15.
Come to my office
at 9:00 a.m.
tomorrow morning sharp,
and we'll talk about this.
What?
No. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I missed my meeting.
[Jameson] Oh, shit.
I didn't know you had
a meeting.
Fuck!
And when the solstice
celebrations end
I need to use your laptop.
My phone died.
I need to email Dr. Pruitt.
and the longest night
rolls into day,
sometimes the fresh start
you thought you were getting
turns out to be
something very different.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
[Camille] Oh, my God.
What is this?
I can explain.
[Fana Hues]
Fall down to the truth ♪
♪
More of the same old plays
ain't shit new ♪
♪
Wild is the wind
that carries me home ♪
While I lick my wounds ♪
♪
How did I get so close? ♪
You're so cruel ♪
♪
I fade to blue ♪
How did I get so close? ♪
Prolly God only knows ♪
Saw the signs, still I go ♪
Done it all on my own ♪
How did I? ♪
Mama told me, "Don't you
never ever give
Yourself away" ♪
But that's just
how shit flows ♪
How shit flows
[smooth music]
[Camille]
It's the Winter Solstice,
and as the North Pole tilts
the furthest it ever will
from the Sun today,
we will have the shortest day
and the longest night
of the entire year.
[all chanting]
Across many cultures,
there's a shared belief that
tonight on this long night,
the old must end
in order to begin anew.
The surprises
just keep coming with you.
And with you.
I tell you I'm engaged,
and you show up
and boycott my restaurant.
Oh, right.
Wait, you're serious.
Ian, you can't possibly think
that's what this is all about.
Yeah, I can.
I do.
Wow. The male ego
rarely disappoints.
[scoffs]
Unlike a woman scorned.
I am not scorned!
That-that-that's
not what this is.
And for the record,
I didn't even know
that you worked here.
Somehow you left that out
in the whole,
"Hi, Camille, I'm back,
and I'm engaged" messiness.
Ah, you see?
You are pissed.
No. You know what?
I am not even actually sure
what this exact combination of
emotions I'm feeling right now
is, but pissed definitely feels
like a oversimplification.
Are you gonna keep protesting
now that you know
this is my restaurant?
It's not your restaurant!
You are nowhere
in the marketing of it, Ian.
They gentrified your ass
out of the poster
along with the rest
of the Black folks in Harlem.
All right, whatever. The
picture is a fucking mistake.
- I told them to get rid of it.
- Yeah.
But the food,
the recipes, they're mine.
It is not yours!
It is yet another
white-owned business
forcing out a Harlem staple
from a neighborhood
that it helped build.
You just happen
to be complicit.
Complicit?
Ray's went out of business
on its own, months ago.
That has nothing to do with me.
I feel bad about it.
Honestly, answer me this,
Camille.
How is this any different
than you teaching at Columbia,
a school with roots in
the slave trade, over an HBCU?
Oh, girl,
I know you not talking.
I am the one who told you that
when they offered me the job.
You are the one who said,
"Oh, well, you know,
being one of the few Black PhDs
can make a difference."
Exactly.
I didn't fucking protest you.
I know how to be
a supportive partner.
Wow. Did you really
just say that?
Camille, there are
so few Black head chefs
in fine dining.
There's hardly any of us.
With this investment group
I got behind me,
I got a serious shot
at a Michelin star.
That's gonna put me
ahead of the pack.
Then I can open up
my own place.
You understand?
It's a step towards a long-term
plan I got going on.
The problem with your plans
is that they never take
into consideration
anyone else but you.
It's always been that way.
Right.
And there's nothing personal
about any of this.
No. You know what?
Yeah, this part is personal.
Fuck you.
Fuck you!
- Ooh.
- I didn't want to interrupt.
You just heard all of that?
[Dr. Pruitt] I did,
but I will pretend I didn't.
- We'll start again.
- Yeah.
I am moderating a panel
on the effects
of charter schools
on Black children in New York.
Oh! Part of my dissertation
was about that.
Yes, I know.
That's why I'm coming to you.
Oh.
One of my panelists
is Jameson
Royce.
The the social justice guy?
- Yes. He's insufferable.
- He's yeah.
My other panelist cancelled.
She's got a sick kid
or a sick dog or something.
I don't know. I just stopped
listening after a while.
- Oh.
- And my replacement
is not available,
and my replacement's
replacement is not available,
so you'll step in.
Today?
Uh, without any preparation?
Here's the thing.
Where I come from,
when your boss
asks you to do something
in a rhetorical fashion,
the answer should be
Yes. I said yes.
I had to.
Which means canceling
my therapy appointment
because, of course,
it's at the same time.
And I really needed
therapy today,
especially after
that fight with Ian.
Do you know what he had
the audacity to say to me?
No. No, no, no. Remember,
we are moving on from Ian.
Yeah, you're right.
No, we are.
We're totally
moving on from Ian.
He said that I wasn't
a supportive partner.
Can you believe that shit?
Me? Not supportive?
I mean, I should've
checked his ass
for even letting that
come out of his mouth.
You know what
I should have said was
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
Here we go.
See, you always do this, okay?
You stew on shit for hours,
and then all of a sudden,
you play a few rounds of
"what I should've said is"
Well, I should have said a lot.
And you know what?
It's not too late.
I'ma let his ass know right
Put the phone down and breathe.
I am breathing, bitch!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I am not mad at you.
I'm mad at Ian
and all these guys, you know,
who-who only think
about their own needs.
Fuck every last one of 'em.
Sorry I'm late.
[sobbing]
Britt, sweetie.
Are you okay?
Never been better.
You're literally crying.
The wedding is off.
- Paul cheated
- [both gasp]
With the caterer.
Oh, my God.
Brittany, I'm so sorry.
I hate it.
And tonight's
bachelorette party is still on.
Luelle's wouldn't give me
my deposit back,
so I hired strippers, and now
it's a "fuck love" party.
Strippers? Girl,
we eat there all the time.
Is that even sanitary?
You both better come.
And invite anyone.
I'm putting it on Paul's AMEX.
Fucker.
[Pilates instructor]
Now, let's all begin
- with some cleansing breaths.
- [phone dings]
He Venmo'd me?
- Who Venmo'd you?
- That asshole from Prestige.
He tricks me into coming
to a pyramid scheme,
and then he Venmos me
for 12 measly dollars
for a lobster roll.
Quiet, please.
We're in a class.
And we are in a crisis!
I mean, am I not worth $12?
You're worth $12.
We all are.
What the hell is wrong
with these men?
We are good women.
We don't deserve this shit!
- No, we don't.
- Man, fuck this Venmo asshole!
[Camille]
Yeah. And fuck Ian.
You know what?
Niggas ain't shit.
And these white niggas
ain't shit either.
Sure the fuck aren't.
Motherfucking Paul
and his cheating ass!
You know what?
Fuck all these niggas.
Girl, fuck 'em.
These white niggas,
Black niggas,
brown, yellow, red, green,
and blue niggas too.
Fuck all the niggas
of the rainbow.
'Cause none of these niggas
ain't shit.
[Pilates instructor]
Ladies, I am so sorry,
but maybe you would be more
comfortable in another class.
We don't allow
racial epithets here.
- "Racial epithets"?
- Pardon me,
but we can say nigga because
we are, in fact, some niggas.
I do not know what to say.
And this is so awkward,
but I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
- Okay.
- Fine.
That's fine.
[both scoff]
[both]
Nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga.
Nigga, nigga,
nigga, nigga, nigga.
[Brittany] Um, I actually
paid for this class,
so I'm wondering if I can
[both] Nigga!
[singer] Acting stupid
Okay, CJ. Don't go too short.
It's for
- Forbes. I know. I got you.
- Okay.
- Yo, yo, yo. What's poppin'?
- Yo.
Yo, let me tell you about
this shorty I had last night.
I beat the brakes
off that monkey.
Skeeted on her face
and everything.
Like rah, rah, rah!
Look, I'm telling you,
these hos bust it wide open
for a six-piece nugget.
No fries.
Yo, you gon' handle this?
He's new.
He don't know the rules.
Yo, Ant, chill.
You got a lady present.
[Ant] Maybe the lady
shouldn't try so hard
to look like a dude.
Barbershop is a safe space.
You're not using
the term "safe space"
correctly, dumbass.
Yeah. Well, she just laying
there, all nutted on and shit.
Yo, CJ, please get yo boy.
[CJ] Tye, what can I do?
Ant's family.
I've been coming here
for years.
[CJ] We fam,
but me and Ant are fam-i-ly.
He's my mom's sister's
son's nephew. We cousins, Tye.
So anyway, I 'bout
to titty-fuck the ho, right?
And then, suddenly, I realized
shorty got one titty bigger
than the other!
[Tye]
Fuck this. I'm out.
[Megan Thee Stallion]
♪it's too much drip ♪
Ooh, I keep a knot, I keep
a watch, I keep a whip
Was it something I said?
- [laughter]
- What? What'd I say?
Come on, bruh.
Come on, man.
Come on, bruh.
Come on, B.
I'm desperate.
You really don't got nobody
who could cut my hair?!
I'll take a wash girl
at this point.
Nah, dude.
The shoot is tomorrow.
So next Tuesday
really doesn't help me.
Come on.
You really can't fit me in?
It's Forbes!
I'll pay you double. Triple.
No, I'm not keeping your kids
for the weekend, Shanice.
How the hell
is that a fair trade?
You're buggin'.
Ooh, that body right ♪
But you know
this pussy fat ♪
Ooh, I drop a picture
now these
Hey, girl.
Welcome to
Get Out: the Musical.
I'm Aundrea.
Sunken Place Chorus.
- You?
- Hey.
Angie.
The same, I guess.
Eric. I'm the teacup.
Jesus.
Someone plays the teacup?
Not just someone. Me, bitch.
[Aundrea] Queen.
I knew this was gonna be
a corny-ass piece of shit.
Mm-mm.
No, I can't do this.
Who cares?
It's Get Out.
Anyone who's anyone
in Black Hollywood
gon' roll out to support.
Being in this is going
to be like auditioning
for every director, producer,
and actor that matters.
Hamilton all over.
Everybody there
from the lead to the chorus
got mad job offers.
Oh, yeah?
[Eric] Yes, girl.
Get this money.
Okay, well, talk to me then.
[Eric] Okay.
Angela Wilson?
Okay. My mama
don't even call me that.
Just got paperwork
from Actors' Equity,
says you're not in the union.
Oh, nah, I'm more of a singer.
And I'm more of a supermodel.
And yet, here we are.
Here, you're still an actor,
and you have to join.
$600 initiation fee.
Check or credit card?
$600?
Can't you just take it out
of my pay?
You know, spread it out over, I
don't know, a couple of years?
Nope. Union Production
means union actors only.
Surprised you were even cast.
End of the week,
or we have to recast.
[R&B music playing]
[Jameson] Look, folks,
all you have to do is
look at the numbers.
There's a reason charter
schools are in 42 states.
They work.
And there's a McDonald's
in all 50 states,
but does that mean
they're good for you?
Well, for some folks
who live on
and a below the poverty line,
the dollar menu
is all they can afford.
Don't knock it.
Oh, no, I wasn't. The spicy
chicken sandwich goes hard.
And I appreciate the apple
slice option in Happy Meals.
But the point
that I was making
is, many low-income families
depend on public schools,
of which I am a product.
- As am I.
- And I would like to add
that I was fortunate enough
to attend a private school.
Hey, hold on, apple slice.
So then, you should extra know
that charters rob funding
from the public school system.
The same
school-to-prison system
that gives zero fucks about
Black and brown boys like me.
Precisely why I'm fundraising
to start my own charter school
in Harlem.
To support and uplift
our Black boys.
And what about
our Black girls?
We don't need y'all's support?
I fully support Black girls,
Black women,
and women of color.
That's not what I was saying.
I'm saying that
statistically, Black men
No!
Why is everything
always about men
and their wants
and their dreams?
What about our dreams?
What about what we want?
You can't just show back up
on my block with a-
with a racist poster
of your restaurant
and a fiancée with an accent,
and expect a warm welcome.
Are we still talking
about charters?
[Kurt]
I would like to say that I also
fully support Black men.
I think now's a good time
to take a little break.
Don't you?
That was good.
In the future,
I'd like my panels
to be
a little less Jerry Springer.
Right, maybe yeah.
[Dr. Pruitt] Okay.
Go throw some water
on your face
and come to my office
at 9:00 a.m.
tomorrow morning sharp,
and we'll talk about this.
- Okay?
- Okay. Okay.
Okay. This was good
Thank you.
till it wasn't.
And then it went right off
the fucking rails.
[Raphael Lake:
"Going Harder"]
Right.
[Raphael]
'Nother dollar, 'nother day ♪
I ain't worried about
a thing from yesterday ♪
Swerving so hard
in the getaway ♪
I stay on the move,
move like andale
Hi. Can I help you?
Uh, I don't know.
I'm more of a barber
type of lady.
We take every type of lady.
Let me take a look.
Oh, shit.
And I have a major photo shoot,
like huge.
So just a shape-up.
Hit me with a two guard on the
sides and clean up the back.
Well, I can
easily handle that.
But what about
your amazing bouffant on top?
How can we really
make that shine?
Um, I'm just gonna wet it,
throw some conditioner in it,
and let it do
what it's gon' do.
That's how I roll.
But you said it was
for a big photo shoot.
May I suggest a hair steaming
for hydration and blood flow?
We call it "The Paradisio."
A Cece signature.
Mm, The Paradisio
sounds like a lot.
I'll just stick
to the shape-up.
You look like
you're having a hard day.
Indulge yourself.
You deserve it.
All right.
Grease me up.
[sighs] I yelled
at a complete stranger.
And I'm on my fourth biscuit.
Oh, girl.
I told my keys to fuck off
when I couldn't get
the door open.
[Jill]
Teddy, put that shoe back. Now.
[Camille] And here I thought
yelling in Pilates class
was our low for the day.
Men are ruining us.
You know what?
Let's celebrate the solstice.
Let's leave the past behind.
I'm in. How?
We are gonna go
to ridiculous Brittany's
ridiculous night
for a ridiculous
[Jameson] Well, well, well.
- Shit.
Quinn, I'll call you
right back.
I mean, I did not take you,
you, as the Red Lobster type.
I'm not.
I mean, what non-tourist
eats at Red Lobster?
I had a meeting nearby.
What up, Cammy?
If you wanna move to your usual
booth, it's about to open up.
[quietly] Thanks.
Perfectly timed.
I mean, I ain't judging,
Cammy, but seriously, these-
these cheddar biscuits,
I mean, they speak to my soul.
Right? See, don't even get me
started on the coconut shrimp.
- What?
- Yes.
With that piña colada
dipping sauce?
Yes! Okay, see.
I like to mix mine
with the dragon sauce.
The dragon sauce?
I've never tried that.
Oh, my gosh!
I just changed your life.
- Okay.
- [Camille laughs]
Look, I am sorry if I was
really intense on the panel.
No, never apologize.
There's nothing wrong
with passion.
- Thanks.
- I'm gonna look you up on IG
in case you ever wanna
argue again in person
over wine.
[techno music]
♪
[Jameson] Think about it.
♪
[Jill] Here.
Play with mommy's phone.
We're almost done.
[Angie] Hey, girl.
What's going on?
Um, Mom can't
control her daughter,
and we are going out tonight
to watch strippers.
Ooh, boys or girls?
Boys, I think.
It's a party.
I have finally realized
that Mr. Right is a lie,
so Camille and I
are looking for Mr. Right Now.
Aw. Hey, well,
welcome to my world.
So, I need to borrow $600
from you ASAP
and I'll pay you back
ASAP ish.
[Quinn] I thought that
now that you were working,
this was gonna stop.
I need to pay to work.
Fucking union.
But you know,
I'll work it off here.
I'll keep the store open three
extra hours at $200 an hour.
Tempting offer,
but you know I tore up
my mom's check and rent is due.
Well, I need to earn
that $600 somehow.
Quinn, I have to come back.
Teddy's too hyper
to try on clothes.
Aw, I'm sorry, Jill.
I understand.
She seems like a handful today.
She's the worst.
I'm so over it.
I'm totally, totally lost
since my Jamaican nanny quit.
Yeah.
I hate when that happens.
[Jill] I'm desperate for help,
but she has to be Jamaican.
I had a Jamaican nanny
when I grew up, and I miss her.
[Angie affecting accent]
Luk at dat beautiful gyal.
She is your dawta?
- Hello?
- Hello, good night.
I'm Ruby
from Trelawny, Jamaica.
Jill McCabe.
Such a pleasure to meet you.
I love your island.
Best cornrows I ever had.
Do enuh anyone luk
for ah nanny?
I think I heard "nanny."
Are you a nanny?
Mia? Yes.
Me tekk care of ya dawta.
So she no ack like
she no have no mannas
like she raised back o' bush.
[chuckles]
Oh, I love you already.
Don't you love her already?
Teddy?
Can you come to my house
for an interview
and trial time with Teddy?
Sure can.
For $600.
What? No, I don't pay
to interview.
Me raze all five uh
mi bruddahs and mi sistuhs.
Mi poppa was just like
the song: a rollin' stone.
An' he rolled uhway.
Bless your heart.
No clue what you're saying,
but maybe we could call it
a salary advance if I hire you?
$600, it is.
Here's my name,
number, address.
And I will see you tomorrow
at 9:00.
- See yuh, miss.
- Bye.
Bye-bye, Teddy.
Oh, she's so sweet.
I can tell.
Bye, Jill.
[Jill] Bye.
There's something wrong
with that girl.
No, there's something wrong
with you. Okay.
Pretending to be an immigrant
so that you could get a job?
That is a new low for you.
A new low, or low-key brilliant
that I'm hustling
that problematic white lady
out of some coins?
It is reparations.
It's cultural appropriation.
And being Jamaican myself
- Half.
- So?
And the other half
is Caymanian, bitch.
So being a full
West Indian person
Girl, you moved here
when you were four.
Tell that
to my Caribbean ancestors.
The point is, you can't just
put on a Caribbean accent
like it's a cute accessory
and then profit off of it.
It's wrong.
But since we're here,
let me tell you something,
okay?
West Indians are a beautifully
complex and diverse people
whose cultural influence
should be celebrated,
not mocked, especially
by fellow diasporians.
And certainly when you can't
even get the accent right.
Damn, Quinn.
I hear you.
Thank you.
But if you not gwan
gih the gul $600,
mi gwan have tuh do
wha mi gwan have tuh do.
Bomboclaat.
And do like your musical.
Get out.
Bombo. Bombo.
[laughter]
[Angie] Love you.
[Isabela]
I hope to bring attention
to the way
that polluted environments
disproportionately affect
Black and brown communities.
Hmm, Paradisio
is pretty good.
[sizzling]
[Isabela] Giving our children
a safe and clean place
to play should not be seen
as a radical agenda.
And the only way to make
that clear
to those in Washington
Oh! He-hello.
Ca-can someone help?
This conditioner
fucking stinks!
[upbeat music]
Fuck love!
Yes, girls!
Let's do this!
We're free.
Whoo!
Okay, darlings,
I rarely say this,
but maybe this is too ratchet.
No. No, no, no.
Not for me.
Not tonight.
That Jameson slid into my DMs.
Camille, no work tonight.
Okay?
This whole solstice thing
was your idea.
- Right.
- So come on.
Let's loosen up
and have some fun, hos.
- She on one.
- I ain't been a ho since 2005.
[Quinn] Yes!
Let us see that
transversus abdominus, honey.
What?
Oh, the "V"
that points to the "D."
- Oh.
- [women howling]
Somehow this isn't making me
feel as good about the future
as I thought it would.
[Camille] Hey.
[Angie] Hey, bitch.
[women hollering]
- Oh.
- Ooh!
Business 101, asshole:
know your audience.
- [all gasp]
- [stripper] Oh, shit!
Don King?
Oh, my God.
Tye, what happened?
Cece. Cece fucking happened.
Cece,
as in Natural Hair Cece's?
[both gasp]
- I'm so pissed!
I mean, I got
a photo shoot tomorrow,
and now I look like
I got ran over by a unicyclist.
Girl, don't even trip.
You know I got you.
Tye, say hello to "Trina."
She's my ever-present "in case
of emergency" and your new BFF.
[Tye] Okay.
- Wait.
Do you have that
with you all the time?
- All the time.
- All the time.
[announcer] And now, what
we've all been waiting for,
Oscar De La Dick-You-Down!
[Jeremih: "Birthday Sex"]
[Jeremih]
Yeah-eah ♪
It's your birthday so I know
you want to ride out
[women hollering]
[Camille]
Wait a second.
He looks like this guy
named Bobby
I used to date in high school.
Girl, I wish
I went to your school.
[scoffs] He had
an annoying cousin Skeeter.
- Whoo!
- Oh!
- [all scream]
- Ha-ha! I caught that shit.
Get ready for action
[Angie] Ooh, yes!
All right, ladies.
Who wants some?
- Not me.
- Me.
- Me!
- [women cheering]
[Camille] Oh!
- Come get this, bitch!
♪
Girl, you know I, I, I ♪
Girl, you know I, I, I ♪
I've been feening ♪
Woke up in the late night
been dreaming ♪
About your loving ♪
Girl, you know I, I, I
Yeah!
Girl, you know I, I, I ♪
[women hollering]
Just need your body
to make good ♪
Birthday sex
Oh!
[Camille] Oh!
Oh, it was in my mouth.
It was in my mouth.
Yeah ooh, okay.
Yeah, um, y'all,
I'm gonna go ahead and call it.
- Oh, you wack!
- What?
You were the one
that brought us here.
I know, but I have a 9:00 a.m.
with Dr. Pruitt in the morning.
[Tye exhales sharply]
- I got to go.
- Good luck, girl.
- Thank you.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
One, two, three
Quinn.
[squeals, then giggles]
- [mouths]
- No. I know, I know.
Oh! Hi. Okay
[women hollering]
We grinding with passion ♪
'Cause it's your birthday ♪
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hello.
More stripper talk, please.
You have a beautiful smile.
Thanks.
Thank you, Oscar de la
Shawn.
[voice cracks]
Oscar de la Shawn.
[squealing]
Woke up in the late night
been dreaming ♪
About your loving
[rasping]
Bye, bitches!
That ain't even fair.
[Journey Montana:
"Forget Me"]
♪
[Journey] Gotta leave the
city when it's getting bad ♪
I can feel the love
you're not feeling back ♪
[notification chimes]
Down for a minute
it's my favorite part ♪
One call and I'm right back
in it ♪
Windowpane
my window's open ♪
Hurting me
'cause you was broken
Oh. Glad you texted.
I had a feeling you might.
Well, then the joke's on you,
because I butt texted.
I just didn't want
to leave you hanging.
Uh-huh.
So we didn't vibe earlier?
There was a vibe.
Vibe adjacent.
Vibe adjacent?
[chuckles]
So are we just gonna stand
out here and freeze all night,
or is there a plan?
Plan?
Where's the fun in that?
Come on.
Look around us.
Million possibilities,
you know?
Let's have one of those
"only-in-New-York"
kind of nights.
Oh, yeah.
Last time I had one of those,
I was 21,
and I ended up in the back
of Trick Daddy's tour bus
in Atlantic City.
But it was memorable, right?
For Angie, it was.
That's my friend.
You never met her.
Well, I thought we could
check this place out.
This place?
- Yeah. Come on.
- But
Okay, if this is
an elaborate plan
to get me to do your laundry,
I'm gonna kill you.
[chuckles]
After you.
Oh, my God.
[gasps]
Has this always been here?
I thought I knew
every secret spot in Harlem.
- I told you to trust me.
- Oh, my gosh.
It's the 1979 original version
of Asteroids.
This cannot be real.
Damn, it's like that.
You know the year?
Centipede!
Wow. You really like
video games, huh?
Yeah.
I was a total latchkey kid.
When my mom was at work, I used
to spend hours at two places:
the public library
and this arcade
a few blocks away
from our apartment.
Single mom, huh?
Yeah. Cliché, cliché.
You know, I hate to brag,
but I was kind of like
the neighborhood champ.
Well, I don't know which
neighborhood you grew up in,
'cause you weren't better
than me.
- Oh, is that a challenge?
- Challenge?
No. No, no. I mean, yeah.
It's a challenge, if you want.
- Is it?
- Let's see what you got.
I'm just saying, 'cause if it
is, you know what I'm saying,
you done messed up.
Hold that.
Ooh. This is the money
you gonna owe me later?
Oh, yes.
[Jameson] Whoa!
[Camille] Wow.
- That's crazy, huh?
- Damn!
- Are you impressed?
- Let me show you
what a real champion
looks like, all right?
Okay, let's see.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, and I still got it.
- Wow.
Okay. You do-you do got it.
That's for sure.
No. Stop it.
- Okay oh!
- [sighs]
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa.
[both] Oh!
- And-and stop. Don't!
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
I know you like her a lot,
but she's not
- Let me try another one.
- Go for it.
- Ooh.
- Yes!
It's the night of my life!
[squeals]
City with the best cheesecake.
[both] New York.
- Same answer again?
- This is freaky.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
How about your favorite color?
- Red.
- Red.
Look, I feel kinda corny,
but I'm digging this.
No, no, I can't do this.
No, no, no.
- You can't do what?
- This.
The flirty
back-and-forth thing.
But, no, I have decided
that I will no longer look
for a good guy.
Yeah, but I am
a good guy, though.
You are?
Yeah.
No. No.
Uh-uh.
We're not doing this.
The, uh, cutesy,
romantic portion
of the evening has ended.
Okay. I understand.
However, the
sexy, fucking part
is about to begin.
What do you say?
Your place.
No strings.
I dig that too.
[singer] Going in on sight
now ♪
Look where we at, yeah,
look where we at ♪♪
[Jameson] Oh, no way
that was Wesley Snipes.
[Camille] That was definitely
Wesley Snipes.
- You are out of your mind.
- Are you serious?
Why would he be on the subway?
I don't know,
but it definitely
looked like Wesley Snipes.
Yo, check this out.
This is-this is why
I love New York winters.
Mm, yeah.
My hands are frozen.
And I'm more of
a New York-in-the-summer kind
of gal.
New York in the summer?
Way too hot and muggy.
You're thinking summer days.
I'm talking summer nights.
Oh.
Swanky rooftop,
fancy cocktail on your hand,
view of the whole city in front
of you
Nothing beats that.
Plus I'm a summer baby anyway.
Mm, Gemini?
Wait, that was crazy.
How did you do that?
Look, I could sense all that
Gemini energy in today's panel.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Y'all can get pretty wild.
Oh, well, not that wild.
I was supposed to be out
with my girlfriends tonight
at a strip club,
hooking up with a guy
I just met,
but I'm here with you, so
Oh.
Well, we just met.
Yeah, we did just meet.
[Symphani Soto:
"Just Enough"]
♪
[Symphani] Tell me how it
goes when we're apart ♪
Tell me how it feels
when we're this far ♪
If you're cunnin',
I don't have your heart ♪
Then I don't wanna know ♪
Baby, pull a shade
over my eyes ♪
And our talkin' love
will keep me blind ♪
And I'll always be there
by your side ♪
And I will let you go ♪
Just promise me
you'll love me ♪
Enough as long
as I can see you ♪
Oh, oh, oh ♪
Just promise me
you'll love me
This is Peter.
He's my favorite.
This is Judas.
I hate him.
And this is Jesus.
Oh, hello, Jesus.
She turned all
her American Girl dolls
into Bible characters.
Twelve grand worth
of collectibles.
[whispers]
Fucking shoot me.
I, uh, did not know
your family was so religified.
Just me.
Mommy and Daddy
are going to hell.
[Jill] So you're from Trelawny?
I've never been to that part
of the island. What's it like?
Uh, art.
Flat and nea' the wata.
Aw, I love Jamaica,
but I do have strict rules
about marijuana in my house.
First rule,
you have to share it with me.
I'm just kidding.
I don't
[whispers]
I am not kidding. I'm not.
Oh, mi love Gawd too
and mi read Bible all day long.
- I love her, Mommy.
- [Jill] Oh, yay!
Aw, she's so happy.
I guess you're hired.
[laughs nervously]
Yay.
You know what? You remind me
so much of Viola Davis.
I love her.
Don't you just love her?
So much.
Well, I don't know.
I don't wanna spoil your fun.
So I should probably run a
few errands and I don't know.
I'll see you in,
like, five or six hours.
[normally]
Okay. The dolly shit is okay,
but your mom's
racist bullshit is not.
All dark-skinned women
do not look the same,
and we are not here just
to take care of white kids.
Where did your accent go?
Hush chile, you talk too much
like ya damn matha.
More tea.
I am not my hair.
My hair doesn't define me.
I am not my hair.
My hair doesn't define me.
[Anna] Knock, knock.
[Tye] Hi.
[Anna] Hey, stranger.
You owe me a date.
I was hoping you'd be here,
but also sorta hoping
you wouldn't be.
Well, I was wondering
what was taking so long,
and now I see.
Trust me,
what's going on underneath here
is way worse.
I tried to fix a mistake,
and I think I went too far.
You wanna show me?
[sighs]
And?
Fucking flawless.
Now I really want that date.
[laughter]
[energetic music]
♪
[sighs]
♪
Jameson.
Oh, rise and shine,
sleepyhead.
What time is it?
Uh, 12:15.
Come to my office
at 9:00 a.m.
tomorrow morning sharp,
and we'll talk about this.
What?
No. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I missed my meeting.
[Jameson] Oh, shit.
I didn't know you had
a meeting.
Fuck!
And when the solstice
celebrations end
I need to use your laptop.
My phone died.
I need to email Dr. Pruitt.
and the longest night
rolls into day,
sometimes the fresh start
you thought you were getting
turns out to be
something very different.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
[Camille] Oh, my God.
What is this?
I can explain.
[Fana Hues]
Fall down to the truth ♪
♪
More of the same old plays
ain't shit new ♪
♪
Wild is the wind
that carries me home ♪
While I lick my wounds ♪
♪
How did I get so close? ♪
You're so cruel ♪
♪
I fade to blue ♪
How did I get so close? ♪
Prolly God only knows ♪
Saw the signs, still I go ♪
Done it all on my own ♪
How did I? ♪
Mama told me, "Don't you
never ever give
Yourself away" ♪
But that's just
how shit flows ♪
How shit flows