Heathers (2018) s01e04 Episode Script
Our Love Is God
1 [BURY THE WREN'S "I'M HAPPY".]
Take a look at me, the makeup on my face Hey.
Hi.
Anyone can see I'm happy It comes from deep within I got you something.
For your birthday.
Happy You remembered.
Eighteen's a big deal.
Open it.
I can't remember why I needed self-esteem It was my mom's.
It's a good thing I have you And I'm happy You and me against the world.
Me and you against the world.
I am only what you make me With your own two hands [INTENSE POP MUSIC.]
Comin' for you Oh! Comin' for you Bang, bang Oh! [WOMAN VOCALIZING.]
- - [SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Today's your birthday.
Yeah.
18.
Feels like your tenth birthday was yesterday.
Oh! Remember, we froze Shelby's bra? Yeah.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, why don't you come over tonight? A game of croquet? I would love to, Betty, but, um, I just already told JD I'd hang out with him, so Maybe I can after.
Like 8:00? - It'll be - Just? It'll be fun.
And yes, you can be blue.
[LAUGHTER.]
[MOODY FINGER SNAPS.]
Psst! Come here! - Heather, what are you doing? - Come on! Heather! Heather.
You just broke up with me in front of the whole school.
You still remember that? Kurt.
Come on, that had nothing to do with you.
I'm trying to imagine how someone of your limited capacities might understand this.
Um Hmm You know how in pre-Revolutionary France King Louis XIV decreed that all title-bearing noblemen reside within the palace walls of Versailles? Not as a means of governance, but to quash the rise of any legitimate political rival.
Ugh.
Look [SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Heather made me dump you, okay? But I didn't want to do it.
I just had to do it to keep her happy.
Babe, stop fighting it.
Hmm? So are you gonna be mean to me again? Of course not.
Now, come on.
Give mama some stevia.
[LIVELY MUSIC.]
And where are you off to, young lady? Betty's, um, she invited me over for croquet.
Well, you just be careful out there.
The teens are killing themselves left and right these days.
Honey, don't be such a helicopter mom.
Veronica, you go and have a good time with your friends.
Thanks, Dad.
[EXAGGERATED SMOOCHING SOUNDS.]
Honey, she's fine.
Veronica's fine.
I guess I just worry.
I mean, I wouldn't even know what to serve at a funeral! What has gotten into you today? You'd obviously serve your artichoke dip.
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[ENGINE ROARS.]
What are you thinking? Like, right now? I was thinking about Heather.
Heather M.
Like, if there was more I could've done.
Or If this is a part of some plan.
Like, had I sent a text at the right moment or something.
Would that have even made a difference? But then, if there is some grand plan If all this is just Is just gonna happen anyway Then why do anything? There is no plan, Veronica.
No control.
No man in a long, white beard playing chess with people's stupid lives.
No grand guru sending messages from the great beyond for us to print up on yoga pants.
That's all for them.
Well, then, what's for us? Chaos.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Here.
You be the eyes, I'll be the hands.
You tell me when to turn.
No, okay, JD, you gotta look at the road.
Hey.
I trust you.
[ENGINE REVS.]
All right.
Curb up ahead.
Veer left when I tell you.
Now.
[ENGINE ROARS.]
Okay.
Go right Now! [ENGINE ROARS.]
[ENGINE ROARS.]
I trust you.
[DISTANT HORN BLARES.]
Faster.
[ENGINE ROARS.]
[HORNS BLARING.]
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
[HORNS FADING.]
[EXHALES.]
Stop sign.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[PHONE BUZZING.]
[PHONE LINE TRILLING.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Hey, you've reached Veronica.
Leave a message.
[PHONE LINE BEEPS.]
[BRIGHT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
I guess my goal is to be the new face of suicide.
After my own suicide attempt, I first thought the best way to reach people was through the theater, but that was too limited for me.
I mean, take Mr.
Dennis' play, for example I can't remember the name of it.
Um How many people are going to see that, hmm? 200? 300 max? My "i am Suicide" campaign is going to be the entire school.
And then global! You're incredible! Can I get a picture? Of course! [SHUTTER CLICKING.]
[POISON'S "EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN".]
We both lie silently still In the dead of the night - Although we both lie close together - We feel miles apart inside Was it something I said or something I did Did my words not come out right? Though I tried not to hurt you Though I tried But I guess that's why they say Every rose has its thorn - - Just like every night has its dawn Just like every cowboy Sings a sad, sad song Every rose has its thorn [DOOR CREAKS.]
I listen to our favorite song playing on the radio Hear the DJ say love's a game Of easy come and easy go But I wonder does he know Has it ever felt like this? And I know that you'd be here right now If I could have let you know somehow I guess Every rose has its thorn [INDISTINCT CHEERING.]
Just like every night Has its dawn Though it's been a while now I can still feel so much pain Like a knife that cuts you, the wound heals But the scar, the scar remains Dear Heavenly Father, this is for our brother, Ram.
By giving us the strength to kick Washington High's ass! [BARKING.]
Just like every rose has its thorn - Just like every night has its dawn - Just like every cowboy Sings a sad, sad song Every rose has its thorn - - Briana Parker.
[STAMMERS.]
Was this girl popular too? Trailer Parker? Oh, God, no.
She was poor.
Here we are again! Another tragedy.
Thank you, Pauline.
That was the most important game of the season.
Tragedy? She was only paralyzed from the waist down! Maurice, I wonder if your play promoting suicide is to blame.
Excuse me, but my art has never killed anyone! Oh, wait, actually So, once again, the solution is, we do nothing.
Don't you people see? Trailer Parker almost killing herself is gonna be great for us! She was poor! Nobody's gonna think suicide's cool now! I mean, you're not wrong.
Honestly, she should've killed herself weeks ago.
She could've saved Ram.
[SOBBING.]
Ew, what are you doing? [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
Auditions were last week.
Oh my sliz.
I raced to tell you as soon as I saw.
It looks so lost-and-found in this context.
I think she looks just.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
My brand.
That sewer priestess murdered my brand.
[SLAMS.]
[MOTOR WHIRRING.]
Trailer.
I'm confused.
I'm trying to be a beacon of hope for Westerburg, which is why it's confusing to me as to why you would try to kill yourself wearing a home perm version of my merch.
I just wanted to Yeah, we know what you wanted, Trailer.
This is just another case of a poor girl trying to copy the rich kids and failing miserably.
Trailer.
Transfer to Washington.
Transfer to Jefferson.
Because your future at Westerburg is as useless as your legs.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Actually, Heather I thought the whole point of your "i am Suicide" campaign was to help people like Trailer.
Trailer is going through so much right now.
With her medical bills and depression and all the hard water deposit stains in her hair, I mean, you would think you would be on her side.
I guess you've been living in your bubble for so long, you don't see Trailer is the victim here.
Actually, she's the victim of people like you.
Rich people.
I mean, do you really think we want to be poor? It is not our fault we're poor.
Kind of like it's not your fault you're overweight.
Why are you doing this to me? I'm just calling out injustice when I see it, like you taught me.
Veronica.
A word.
I have to go to class, so Veronica, we have a deal.
Well, maybe I'm sick of our deal, Heather.
If I were you, I'd pray that my "i am Suicide" campaign works again, because if it doesn't, I'm gonna have to take a different approach.
Hmm, how does the innocent teenage girl who survived a brutal murder attack by her best friend and the human wallet chain she was dating sound? Mm Not quite as sympathetic as the girl who survived suicide, but it'll do in a pinch.
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
You know what, Heather? Go ahead.
Tell everyone.
Who's gonna believe you now? You just ride your suicide train and then suddenly change your story? [SCOFFS.]
It's too late.
[SCOFFS.]
You know what this is? Security footage from my house.
The night I died.
To paraphrase the late, great Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, don't go chasing waterfalls, Veronica.
Stick to the swamps and the sewers you're used to.
[LILTING OPERA MUSIC.]
I raised $3,000 for suicide awareness, and how am I repaid? By being emotionally attacked by Lizzy! There, there, girl.
What is happening? Why are you touching me? Day in and day out, I have proven myself to be loyal to you.
And yet, you continue to waste your energy trying to crush me.
Oh, Heather, that's cute.
But crushing you literally takes me no energy at all.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Take a break.
Let me help you.
Let me be the one to take down Lizzy.
Isn't that a little outside your paygrade? I'll handle it myself, like I have to do with everything! But the new Heather Chandler, she wants to help people.
You can't take down Lizzy without getting your hands dirty.
I, on the other hand Fine.
But if you blow this one, girl, it'll be keggers with kids for the rest of the year.
"Dear diary, "you have to hand it to America.
"We can even take something like teen suicide, "wrap it in a pretty package, "and sell it to the highest bidder.
"God, I'm starting to sound like JD.
"But so what? "He's the only one who makes any sense anymore.
"And you know what? "I don't care if what I'm about to say "is so 'high school,' it makes you upchuck.
"Our love is the only thing left that's real.
"You can't turn it into a poster "or sell it to anyone with 50 bucks to spend.
"Because it's ours.
Everything else is just Photoshop.
" Betty! [CLEARS THROAT.]
I totally forgot about croquet.
Um Maybe tonight? [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
"Dearest Lizzy," you know I love you.
You ignore me, reject me.
"This is your last chance.
"Meet me at Butcher's Bridge tonight, "or I'll kill myself kill myself.
Yours, Ram.
" Oh, Seth? I think Lizzy just got a shocking note with a dramatic revelation in it.
But I can't be sure.
[CHUCKLING.]
They're gonna tear her apart.
Don't you want to stay and watch? Stay and watch? Please, Heather.
I own the casino, I don't play the slots.
Plus, I need to fix my makeup before next period.
Mirror! Did you hear? Ram killed himself to fulfill a suicide ultimatum because of his unrequited love for Lizzy.
Imagine someone killing themselves for you.
Lizzy is so lucky.
[SCOFFS.]
- What's weird is - What? This happened at my last school too! I don't know! I guess it's just my cross to bear.
Oh, you are so brave.
He really loved you! "Or I'll kill myself!" To have someone die for you! This is the note! This is the note! But our hot and heavy notes always bring people down.
Um Heather? Heather! [FLAMES ROARING.]
Heather! We're okay, right? Heather? [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
Betty, have a seat.
What is this? I can't do this! Not today! An "A-", Betty? She's gonna end up poor! We didn't raise you to be an "A-" student.
Poor and then a prostitute! Betty, how could you let yourself slip like this? Who will end up dying alone in a ditch! You've always been so conscientious.
My daughter, a dead ditch hooker! We think maybe you've been hanging around some bad influences.
Veronica.
We've never approved of the way she's treated you, Betty.
Everyone who gets close to her dies.
Your mother has a point, Heather, Heather, Ram Dead! Dead! Dead! Well now, honey, to be fair, the first Heather did come back to life.
She's cursed.
I saw her at the Snappy Snack Shack with a boy! He could be the next to die! Or you! What if you're next, Betty? [DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
I keep one half for myself, and I give the other half to my best friend.
But which one of you should it be? Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers, let him go, eeny meeny miney mo.
Let's play tag! Tag? Tag is for little girls, Betty.
Let's play croquet.
It's my house.
Let's vote.
Who wants to play croquet? Sorry, Betty.
Two against one.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
Betty? We need to talk.
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Everyone close to her commits suicide, JD.
I think she gets into people's heads.
And then what happened when we were younger, it all makes sense! She's manipulating people, JD.
And I think you may be next.
You don't know what she's like when no one's looking.
She's threatened me, Betty.
I haven't said anything, because who's going to believe a guy who says he's scared of his own girlfriend, but she's evil, Betty.
I just don't know what to do.
She's always been a bully.
I think we should tell someone at school.
We can tell Principal Gowan tomorrow.
There's more, Betty.
She doesn't just put ideas in people's heads.
It's worse.
- What is it, JD? - No, no.
She'll find out I showed you.
Showed me what? Okay.
But she can never know.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Kurt! God, thank God you're here, I had the worst day.
Get over here and rub my shoulders while I vent.
Heather, how could you? I'm sorry.
What? You turned my best friend's death into a joke.
What are you That note that Ram wrote to Lizzy, - that wasn't me - You wrote it! - Yeah, but - Heather, stop! I know you think I'm dumb, well, guess what? You're right.
And you know what the proof is? I keep coming back.
[SCOFFS.]
Kurt! You think you're so different and edgy and interesting, maybe here in Sherwood, you are.
But guess what, Heather? Next year, you're gonna go to college in New York.
And when you go to your dorm room, you're gonna strut down that hallway and there's gonna be 15 other people just like you.
Except they won't be just like you.
They'll be smarter than you, more interesting than you, and much, much hotter than you.
And then you'll realize you're not special at all.
After a couple years, you'll tell yourself some lie about how New York isn't for you.
And you'll move back.
Which is where I'll see you selling makeup at our hometown mall.
Are you reading off a note card? Fine, you got me, Heather told me to say this stuff, but you know what? I didn't need Heather Chandler to come up with this.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
With the way you treat people, you're gonna end up alone.
And honestly, that's what you deserve.
Here.
She wanted me to give you this.
Good-bye for real this time, Heather.
Take the box! "Congratulations, Heather.
"You got what you wanted.
"You're back to second place.
"Hope it was worth it.
"Now get your ass back over here, and bring me a slushy.
Love, Heather.
" [OMINOUS ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
It's just up here.
Where Ram killed himself.
Ram didn't kill himself, Betty.
She brought me here.
She walked me through all of it.
It's like she was proud of herself.
She was like a cat who caught a mouse and wanted to parade it around in front of me.
We have to go to the police, JD! No one will believe us.
Well there's gotta be something, some evidence! No.
She's too smart, Betty.
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
What? Mm! - [KNIFE CLATTERS.]
- What are you doing, JD? What is You're just as crazy as she is! No.
Veronica's not crazy.
But I certainly am.
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Little Betty Finn, putting up a fight.
Ballet, six years.
[STRAINING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Gymnastics, 12 years.
[GRUNTING.]
Martial arts, nine years.
[GRUNTING.]
[SHOUTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Don't make me chase after you, Betty.
And four years of track and field.
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Mom! Dad! Help! College tried, Betty.
[SHOUTS.]
Let me guess.
Fencing, five years.
[STRAINING.]
The pent-up rage of an overachiever, 17 years.
Seriously? [STRAINING.]
Come on.
Just do it.
What are you doing? I'm doing what a normal person does when they're being attacked by a psychopath.
I'm calling the police, you asshole.
[GRUNTS.]
[BOMBASTIC MUSIC.]
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
You didn't text me back.
Uh, yeah, as you can see, I got kind of sidetracked.
What happened, JD? Betty came to me, she said she was worried for me, she said everyone close to you dies, and then she said she's going to the cops.
What did you do? She's not dead, if that's what you're thinking.
[SIREN WAILING.]
I need you to tell me exactly what happened, JD.
Look, she came to my house, she ambushed me, so I told her that I agreed with her, and that I was scared of you.
And then what? And then I tried to get rid of her.
- Where? - At my house! But she got away, so I had to catch up with her.
And what did you do whenever you caught up with her, JD? Look, Veronica, obviously it did not end well for me.
The point is that Betty knows now.
And Betty is going to go to the police, so we have to do something.
You have to promise me you told me everything that happened.
Babe, yes.
Now, can we please think of a way to fix this? Fine.
[ENGINE REVS.]
What are you doing? [ENGINE REVS.]
I'm giving you an alibi.
[ENGINE REVS.]
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[CRUNCHING.]
"Dear diary, JD went too far this time.
" [SCRAPING.]
"He showed his true colors tonight.
" [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[CRUNCHING.]
"And now, it's time I showed mine.
"
Take a look at me, the makeup on my face Hey.
Hi.
Anyone can see I'm happy It comes from deep within I got you something.
For your birthday.
Happy You remembered.
Eighteen's a big deal.
Open it.
I can't remember why I needed self-esteem It was my mom's.
It's a good thing I have you And I'm happy You and me against the world.
Me and you against the world.
I am only what you make me With your own two hands [INTENSE POP MUSIC.]
Comin' for you Oh! Comin' for you Bang, bang Oh! [WOMAN VOCALIZING.]
- - [SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Today's your birthday.
Yeah.
18.
Feels like your tenth birthday was yesterday.
Oh! Remember, we froze Shelby's bra? Yeah.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, why don't you come over tonight? A game of croquet? I would love to, Betty, but, um, I just already told JD I'd hang out with him, so Maybe I can after.
Like 8:00? - It'll be - Just? It'll be fun.
And yes, you can be blue.
[LAUGHTER.]
[MOODY FINGER SNAPS.]
Psst! Come here! - Heather, what are you doing? - Come on! Heather! Heather.
You just broke up with me in front of the whole school.
You still remember that? Kurt.
Come on, that had nothing to do with you.
I'm trying to imagine how someone of your limited capacities might understand this.
Um Hmm You know how in pre-Revolutionary France King Louis XIV decreed that all title-bearing noblemen reside within the palace walls of Versailles? Not as a means of governance, but to quash the rise of any legitimate political rival.
Ugh.
Look [SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Heather made me dump you, okay? But I didn't want to do it.
I just had to do it to keep her happy.
Babe, stop fighting it.
Hmm? So are you gonna be mean to me again? Of course not.
Now, come on.
Give mama some stevia.
[LIVELY MUSIC.]
And where are you off to, young lady? Betty's, um, she invited me over for croquet.
Well, you just be careful out there.
The teens are killing themselves left and right these days.
Honey, don't be such a helicopter mom.
Veronica, you go and have a good time with your friends.
Thanks, Dad.
[EXAGGERATED SMOOCHING SOUNDS.]
Honey, she's fine.
Veronica's fine.
I guess I just worry.
I mean, I wouldn't even know what to serve at a funeral! What has gotten into you today? You'd obviously serve your artichoke dip.
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[ENGINE ROARS.]
What are you thinking? Like, right now? I was thinking about Heather.
Heather M.
Like, if there was more I could've done.
Or If this is a part of some plan.
Like, had I sent a text at the right moment or something.
Would that have even made a difference? But then, if there is some grand plan If all this is just Is just gonna happen anyway Then why do anything? There is no plan, Veronica.
No control.
No man in a long, white beard playing chess with people's stupid lives.
No grand guru sending messages from the great beyond for us to print up on yoga pants.
That's all for them.
Well, then, what's for us? Chaos.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Here.
You be the eyes, I'll be the hands.
You tell me when to turn.
No, okay, JD, you gotta look at the road.
Hey.
I trust you.
[ENGINE REVS.]
All right.
Curb up ahead.
Veer left when I tell you.
Now.
[ENGINE ROARS.]
Okay.
Go right Now! [ENGINE ROARS.]
[ENGINE ROARS.]
I trust you.
[DISTANT HORN BLARES.]
Faster.
[ENGINE ROARS.]
[HORNS BLARING.]
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
[HORNS FADING.]
[EXHALES.]
Stop sign.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[PHONE BUZZING.]
[PHONE LINE TRILLING.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Hey, you've reached Veronica.
Leave a message.
[PHONE LINE BEEPS.]
[BRIGHT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
I guess my goal is to be the new face of suicide.
After my own suicide attempt, I first thought the best way to reach people was through the theater, but that was too limited for me.
I mean, take Mr.
Dennis' play, for example I can't remember the name of it.
Um How many people are going to see that, hmm? 200? 300 max? My "i am Suicide" campaign is going to be the entire school.
And then global! You're incredible! Can I get a picture? Of course! [SHUTTER CLICKING.]
[POISON'S "EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN".]
We both lie silently still In the dead of the night - Although we both lie close together - We feel miles apart inside Was it something I said or something I did Did my words not come out right? Though I tried not to hurt you Though I tried But I guess that's why they say Every rose has its thorn - - Just like every night has its dawn Just like every cowboy Sings a sad, sad song Every rose has its thorn [DOOR CREAKS.]
I listen to our favorite song playing on the radio Hear the DJ say love's a game Of easy come and easy go But I wonder does he know Has it ever felt like this? And I know that you'd be here right now If I could have let you know somehow I guess Every rose has its thorn [INDISTINCT CHEERING.]
Just like every night Has its dawn Though it's been a while now I can still feel so much pain Like a knife that cuts you, the wound heals But the scar, the scar remains Dear Heavenly Father, this is for our brother, Ram.
By giving us the strength to kick Washington High's ass! [BARKING.]
Just like every rose has its thorn - Just like every night has its dawn - Just like every cowboy Sings a sad, sad song Every rose has its thorn - - Briana Parker.
[STAMMERS.]
Was this girl popular too? Trailer Parker? Oh, God, no.
She was poor.
Here we are again! Another tragedy.
Thank you, Pauline.
That was the most important game of the season.
Tragedy? She was only paralyzed from the waist down! Maurice, I wonder if your play promoting suicide is to blame.
Excuse me, but my art has never killed anyone! Oh, wait, actually So, once again, the solution is, we do nothing.
Don't you people see? Trailer Parker almost killing herself is gonna be great for us! She was poor! Nobody's gonna think suicide's cool now! I mean, you're not wrong.
Honestly, she should've killed herself weeks ago.
She could've saved Ram.
[SOBBING.]
Ew, what are you doing? [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
Auditions were last week.
Oh my sliz.
I raced to tell you as soon as I saw.
It looks so lost-and-found in this context.
I think she looks just.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
My brand.
That sewer priestess murdered my brand.
[SLAMS.]
[MOTOR WHIRRING.]
Trailer.
I'm confused.
I'm trying to be a beacon of hope for Westerburg, which is why it's confusing to me as to why you would try to kill yourself wearing a home perm version of my merch.
I just wanted to Yeah, we know what you wanted, Trailer.
This is just another case of a poor girl trying to copy the rich kids and failing miserably.
Trailer.
Transfer to Washington.
Transfer to Jefferson.
Because your future at Westerburg is as useless as your legs.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Actually, Heather I thought the whole point of your "i am Suicide" campaign was to help people like Trailer.
Trailer is going through so much right now.
With her medical bills and depression and all the hard water deposit stains in her hair, I mean, you would think you would be on her side.
I guess you've been living in your bubble for so long, you don't see Trailer is the victim here.
Actually, she's the victim of people like you.
Rich people.
I mean, do you really think we want to be poor? It is not our fault we're poor.
Kind of like it's not your fault you're overweight.
Why are you doing this to me? I'm just calling out injustice when I see it, like you taught me.
Veronica.
A word.
I have to go to class, so Veronica, we have a deal.
Well, maybe I'm sick of our deal, Heather.
If I were you, I'd pray that my "i am Suicide" campaign works again, because if it doesn't, I'm gonna have to take a different approach.
Hmm, how does the innocent teenage girl who survived a brutal murder attack by her best friend and the human wallet chain she was dating sound? Mm Not quite as sympathetic as the girl who survived suicide, but it'll do in a pinch.
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
You know what, Heather? Go ahead.
Tell everyone.
Who's gonna believe you now? You just ride your suicide train and then suddenly change your story? [SCOFFS.]
It's too late.
[SCOFFS.]
You know what this is? Security footage from my house.
The night I died.
To paraphrase the late, great Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, don't go chasing waterfalls, Veronica.
Stick to the swamps and the sewers you're used to.
[LILTING OPERA MUSIC.]
I raised $3,000 for suicide awareness, and how am I repaid? By being emotionally attacked by Lizzy! There, there, girl.
What is happening? Why are you touching me? Day in and day out, I have proven myself to be loyal to you.
And yet, you continue to waste your energy trying to crush me.
Oh, Heather, that's cute.
But crushing you literally takes me no energy at all.
[DARK ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Take a break.
Let me help you.
Let me be the one to take down Lizzy.
Isn't that a little outside your paygrade? I'll handle it myself, like I have to do with everything! But the new Heather Chandler, she wants to help people.
You can't take down Lizzy without getting your hands dirty.
I, on the other hand Fine.
But if you blow this one, girl, it'll be keggers with kids for the rest of the year.
"Dear diary, "you have to hand it to America.
"We can even take something like teen suicide, "wrap it in a pretty package, "and sell it to the highest bidder.
"God, I'm starting to sound like JD.
"But so what? "He's the only one who makes any sense anymore.
"And you know what? "I don't care if what I'm about to say "is so 'high school,' it makes you upchuck.
"Our love is the only thing left that's real.
"You can't turn it into a poster "or sell it to anyone with 50 bucks to spend.
"Because it's ours.
Everything else is just Photoshop.
" Betty! [CLEARS THROAT.]
I totally forgot about croquet.
Um Maybe tonight? [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
"Dearest Lizzy," you know I love you.
You ignore me, reject me.
"This is your last chance.
"Meet me at Butcher's Bridge tonight, "or I'll kill myself kill myself.
Yours, Ram.
" Oh, Seth? I think Lizzy just got a shocking note with a dramatic revelation in it.
But I can't be sure.
[CHUCKLING.]
They're gonna tear her apart.
Don't you want to stay and watch? Stay and watch? Please, Heather.
I own the casino, I don't play the slots.
Plus, I need to fix my makeup before next period.
Mirror! Did you hear? Ram killed himself to fulfill a suicide ultimatum because of his unrequited love for Lizzy.
Imagine someone killing themselves for you.
Lizzy is so lucky.
[SCOFFS.]
- What's weird is - What? This happened at my last school too! I don't know! I guess it's just my cross to bear.
Oh, you are so brave.
He really loved you! "Or I'll kill myself!" To have someone die for you! This is the note! This is the note! But our hot and heavy notes always bring people down.
Um Heather? Heather! [FLAMES ROARING.]
Heather! We're okay, right? Heather? [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
Betty, have a seat.
What is this? I can't do this! Not today! An "A-", Betty? She's gonna end up poor! We didn't raise you to be an "A-" student.
Poor and then a prostitute! Betty, how could you let yourself slip like this? Who will end up dying alone in a ditch! You've always been so conscientious.
My daughter, a dead ditch hooker! We think maybe you've been hanging around some bad influences.
Veronica.
We've never approved of the way she's treated you, Betty.
Everyone who gets close to her dies.
Your mother has a point, Heather, Heather, Ram Dead! Dead! Dead! Well now, honey, to be fair, the first Heather did come back to life.
She's cursed.
I saw her at the Snappy Snack Shack with a boy! He could be the next to die! Or you! What if you're next, Betty? [DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
I keep one half for myself, and I give the other half to my best friend.
But which one of you should it be? Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers, let him go, eeny meeny miney mo.
Let's play tag! Tag? Tag is for little girls, Betty.
Let's play croquet.
It's my house.
Let's vote.
Who wants to play croquet? Sorry, Betty.
Two against one.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
Betty? We need to talk.
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Everyone close to her commits suicide, JD.
I think she gets into people's heads.
And then what happened when we were younger, it all makes sense! She's manipulating people, JD.
And I think you may be next.
You don't know what she's like when no one's looking.
She's threatened me, Betty.
I haven't said anything, because who's going to believe a guy who says he's scared of his own girlfriend, but she's evil, Betty.
I just don't know what to do.
She's always been a bully.
I think we should tell someone at school.
We can tell Principal Gowan tomorrow.
There's more, Betty.
She doesn't just put ideas in people's heads.
It's worse.
- What is it, JD? - No, no.
She'll find out I showed you.
Showed me what? Okay.
But she can never know.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Kurt! God, thank God you're here, I had the worst day.
Get over here and rub my shoulders while I vent.
Heather, how could you? I'm sorry.
What? You turned my best friend's death into a joke.
What are you That note that Ram wrote to Lizzy, - that wasn't me - You wrote it! - Yeah, but - Heather, stop! I know you think I'm dumb, well, guess what? You're right.
And you know what the proof is? I keep coming back.
[SCOFFS.]
Kurt! You think you're so different and edgy and interesting, maybe here in Sherwood, you are.
But guess what, Heather? Next year, you're gonna go to college in New York.
And when you go to your dorm room, you're gonna strut down that hallway and there's gonna be 15 other people just like you.
Except they won't be just like you.
They'll be smarter than you, more interesting than you, and much, much hotter than you.
And then you'll realize you're not special at all.
After a couple years, you'll tell yourself some lie about how New York isn't for you.
And you'll move back.
Which is where I'll see you selling makeup at our hometown mall.
Are you reading off a note card? Fine, you got me, Heather told me to say this stuff, but you know what? I didn't need Heather Chandler to come up with this.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
With the way you treat people, you're gonna end up alone.
And honestly, that's what you deserve.
Here.
She wanted me to give you this.
Good-bye for real this time, Heather.
Take the box! "Congratulations, Heather.
"You got what you wanted.
"You're back to second place.
"Hope it was worth it.
"Now get your ass back over here, and bring me a slushy.
Love, Heather.
" [OMINOUS ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
It's just up here.
Where Ram killed himself.
Ram didn't kill himself, Betty.
She brought me here.
She walked me through all of it.
It's like she was proud of herself.
She was like a cat who caught a mouse and wanted to parade it around in front of me.
We have to go to the police, JD! No one will believe us.
Well there's gotta be something, some evidence! No.
She's too smart, Betty.
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
What? Mm! - [KNIFE CLATTERS.]
- What are you doing, JD? What is You're just as crazy as she is! No.
Veronica's not crazy.
But I certainly am.
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Little Betty Finn, putting up a fight.
Ballet, six years.
[STRAINING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Gymnastics, 12 years.
[GRUNTING.]
Martial arts, nine years.
[GRUNTING.]
[SHOUTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Don't make me chase after you, Betty.
And four years of track and field.
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Mom! Dad! Help! College tried, Betty.
[SHOUTS.]
Let me guess.
Fencing, five years.
[STRAINING.]
The pent-up rage of an overachiever, 17 years.
Seriously? [STRAINING.]
Come on.
Just do it.
What are you doing? I'm doing what a normal person does when they're being attacked by a psychopath.
I'm calling the police, you asshole.
[GRUNTS.]
[BOMBASTIC MUSIC.]
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
You didn't text me back.
Uh, yeah, as you can see, I got kind of sidetracked.
What happened, JD? Betty came to me, she said she was worried for me, she said everyone close to you dies, and then she said she's going to the cops.
What did you do? She's not dead, if that's what you're thinking.
[SIREN WAILING.]
I need you to tell me exactly what happened, JD.
Look, she came to my house, she ambushed me, so I told her that I agreed with her, and that I was scared of you.
And then what? And then I tried to get rid of her.
- Where? - At my house! But she got away, so I had to catch up with her.
And what did you do whenever you caught up with her, JD? Look, Veronica, obviously it did not end well for me.
The point is that Betty knows now.
And Betty is going to go to the police, so we have to do something.
You have to promise me you told me everything that happened.
Babe, yes.
Now, can we please think of a way to fix this? Fine.
[ENGINE REVS.]
What are you doing? [ENGINE REVS.]
I'm giving you an alibi.
[ENGINE REVS.]
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
[CRUNCHING.]
"Dear diary, JD went too far this time.
" [SCRAPING.]
"He showed his true colors tonight.
" [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[CRUNCHING.]
"And now, it's time I showed mine.
"