Hiccups and Hookups (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Hi!
So, your dad and I are adopting,
not one kid but 200 kids.
They belong to a school for orphans,
a little outside koorg.
It's just perfect
for our family.
Now,
we'll visit bengaluru more often.
So, vasudha, dhruv, kavanya,
you're the first to be invited
for our first official day.
Alexa, play some carnatic music.
- Hi, febin. Good morning.
- 'Hi, ma'am. Good morning.'
febin,
can you please get us the client's specs
on the new fresh account,
please?
Phone
Fuck
Okay. So, as soon as you know,
just let me know
because I need to
close that out today.
Dhruv, please don't be late today
for Kay's parent-teacher meeting.
Okay. I'll see you there.
You like hiding here, don't you?
Is there anything I'm missing?
No, it looks pretty good. Okay.
Hi, selvi. - Hello.
Bye, selvi.
What a brother!
Vasu will not forget.
Hi, selvi.
- Good morning.
- Okay. Bye, selvi.
What kind of siblings they are!
'Welcome back.'
'this is rj swag, and today,
we're gonna celebrate a very special day.'
'and that is raksha bandhan.'
'so, if you wish to send'
- oh, shit!
- 'A special message to someone, '
'to your brother or sister, '
'or if you wish to dedicate'
you can charge me extra.
The guy I was supposed
to meet changed the venue.
Sir,
how do I drive and change the destination?
Oh, shit! This year too!
Yes, this year too.
Anyway,
we are not that kind of siblings.
Yes, we are best friends.
Akku,
I watched gayatri's video this morning.
So scary, man!
She's just playing mind games.
We'll deal with them
when they come.
Till then, let them just cruise
and stay out of our lives.
But what if they moved here?
I haven't told them about
my marital status yet.
Gayatri will go mad, man!
Obviously, that's gayatri.
Anyway,
Chuck it. Let's catch up in the evening.
We'll celebrate
rakhi in our style.
Okay. Bye.
Bye.
Hi!
Hey! Max? - Hey, akhil.
- How are you?
- Good. Nice to meet you.
Nice to finally meet you.
I lost 30 minutes because
of the change in the location.
I'm sorry about this
last minute change
because I went
there a little early,
but I didn't get
the right vibe there.
Vibe!
Okay.
Akhil,
listen. Just like today's moving-therapy,
sessions at different locations.
It's all about movement.
That's the thing.
Anyway,
tell me what you
really want to talk about.
Yeah, so,
I'm the cto and co-founder of
this dating app called kechup.
Okay.
I have two profiles on the app.
One is real, my real self,
and the other one is
my packaged profile.
Because of my packaged profile,
my casual sex life is great.
But my real profile,
no girl swipes on it by
mistake or even in desperation.
I mean,
nobody likes the real me,
and I know that.
So,
let's just get down to business.
My parents are horrendous.
Well, off late, I have been
thinking about my childhood.
You see,
I was an overweight kid.
And I absolutely hated it.
On top of it,
my dad used to call me podgy.
Podgy.
Stomach in.
Why did he do that? - Dad!
He had started some businesses.
But they all failed
one after another.
So, he went full spiritual
and became a stay-at-home
guru and a part-time dad.
And so he feels
life is a mirage.
You know, illusion.
I guess he took the high
road to cope with his failures.
So,
his kids' problems were a joke to him.
So, your mother,
tell me about her.
Gayatri!
She is an overachiever,
workaholic
and she is quite proud of
being the breadwinner too.
You know she was
a marketing genius.
So, she doesn't accept
anything less than perfect.
She was all about performing.
But you know,
my mom and dad are two peas in a pod.
You know, like Laurel and Hardy,
Hitler and himmler,
Bonnie and Clyde, they are a gang.
And my sister,
who is my best friend,
tried her best to
get mom's approval.
But I rebelled.
But before you ask
me about my sister,
she is going through
a midlife crisis.
I jumped off a ledge.
Everyone thought I did it as I
was rejected from the football team.
But, no,
I was I was hopeless.
It was a suicide,
but no one called it that.
The survival was
more traumatic for me.
Then dad started taking me to
spiritual discourses every day
by assuring me that I needed it.
'Everything will be fine
when you become spiritual.'
Hey, doc.
Why is the guy
sitting at your 9 o'clock
staring at me like
this? It's weird.
He is my 11 am. - Oh!
It's 11 am.
Okay. I think that's
our first session done.
- Cool!
- So, you let me know about the next one.
You can make an online payment.
And just schedule the next one,
and let me know.
Sounds good.
- Have a nice day.
- Nice talking to you. Thanks.
Good morning.
And remember,
life keep moving.
How are we today?
Good morning, sir.
Just saying it doesn't
make my morning good.
Taking your medicines
that you had prescribed me.
But I don't know.
It's not working now.
Not only this on top of that,
my wife is after me
- Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Khattar.
- Hello.
This is kavanya's marksheet.
I think she is
consistently good.
But this is not at
par with her potential.
I think she is losing focus.
There is still
time for a 9 grade,
but I think,
with a little bit of heart and dedication,
she can do much better.
It's certainly not
something to laugh about
that your daughter
is losing focus.
Now,
I know where she gets it from.
No.
Of course,
sir. I'll speak to her.
Thank you.
- Hi! We are kavanya's parents.
- Hi!
Hi!
Kavanya is a good girl.
Of late, she's taking a
lot of interest in athletics,
which is a good thing.
You should be happy. - Yeah.
I wonder how that happened.
But athletics is good.
Absolutely.
In fact,
I encourage everyone to play sports.
It's a really
important thing to do.
You look like you've played
a lot of sports. But do you run,
do marathon running,
something like that?
No, I'd love to,
but I don't get time to do all that.
Time for sports
is time for yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah. - Hello, sir.
Yeah. - 6 pm again today?
I just wanted to confirm.
Yeah, 6 pm sharp.
I'll see you.
Alright. So, I was
Thank you.
Alright. So,
I've created a group for all the parents
to update them on the
marathon preparations.
If you want to give me your number,
I'll add you.
Sure. - So
Shall I
Alright. Okay. - Okay.
Vasu.
Vasu. Alright.
Thank you.
He seems nice. - Nice?
A doofus amongst idiots!
What do you mean?
Among the teachers here,
even he might stand out.
He was in his pyjamas.
Who does that in a school?
- Such a wannabe he is!
- I don't get your point.
The point is,
we were both standing there,
but he preferred talking to you,
not me.
Dhruv.
- I'm getting late.
- You weren't getting late there.
Now, you're getting late!
He's Kay's teacher, dhruv.
Oh, but assistants, teachers,
you don't
discriminate. I forgot.
That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
I don't have time for this right now,
dhruv.
Just listen to me. - Okay. No.
I have to go.
I'm busy. I'm late.
Please. Bye. - Vasu.
Right.
Hi!
Okay. I'm here
Oh, made it.
Are you kidding me?
I rushed here
to wait for satvik!
Fuck! He's such
a pain in the ass!
Oh! He's such a pain in the ass!
Is he a man or a sour
burp after having junk food?
At least the burps
ease an upset stomach.
Is he a man
Please spare me.
He texted us saying,
"I'm on my way."
As you can see,
I have sent you the reports
of the financials of kechup
for the last 2-3 years.
Hmm. I'm just
checking your email.
Hey, akhil.
Come in. Have a seat. - Hey.
You know all about akhil,
of course.
That's janardhan chudasama,
jc for short.
Hey!
I'm akhil, for short as well.
I'd sent you an email.
So, this is jc.
Jc has been an investor
with ten years in the valley.
He just recently moved
back to be with his family.
Now, here is the thing.
He is looking to
invest in a start-up
and hopefully,
come on board as a ceo.
He thinks there is great
potential in the future of kechup.
So, I went through the deck.
Look, man, if I were you,
I would be stressed.
Trust me, I am stressed out.
Also, kechup has been in the top five
of all dating apps across regions, right?
But the big breakthrough
hasn't come yet.
Now, I see that as five years of
not reaching the number one spot.
Nice. - So,
I have used kechup
and the other apps.
Right now, it's two on five,
which is worrying.
Yes, we are working on the algo.
No,
you're right. It is very worrying.
Look, what I can do is,
I can send you
some possibilities
on algo rework.
Now, I had to beg this programmer,
Dennis, to consult on this.
Now,
his source codes are near perfect.
Unlike yours, that look like you
guys are still whiteboarding, man.
Yeah, algo is something
It's my thing.
See, right now,
we are on code review.
And once we get to coding bootcamp,
we'll fix this baby, right?
Glad.
So, how about just taking an opinion
from the best guy in the business?
- Yeah.
- What's the hold up? Right?
Yeah, of course.
Look,
plan b, guys,
is everything in life.
In my life,
everything has worked out on plan b.
Thank god,
my marriage wasn't one of them.
Happy rakhi, guys!
Seriously, today is so 'rocky'!
I went broke. Do you
want to know how?
Look, I have two sisters,
nine cousins and
thirteen foster sisters,
out of which one is divorced.
As she is divorced,
I had to give her some extra money.
Ended up spending rs 200,000.
Did you guys come here early?
Did your siblings throw you out?
You asked us to be here at
9:45 am for a client meeting.
Oh, shit!
Didn't I tell you that the call
was rescheduled to 2 pm?
As it is,
you don't need to attend the call.
I'll handle it.
What?
You could have texted me.
We've all been waiting here
like idiots for the last two hours!
Why are you turning into
an angry Indian goddess?
Today is rakhi.
Just like you're staying
with your brother,
I have to take care
of my sisters too.
By the way,
you want to be my sister?
Sorry, no vacancy.
Next year. Contact next year.
Satvik. - Yes.
Do you know what's so funny
about your pathetic jokes?
What? - It's not the jokes,
it's you.
The joke is on you.
You're the joke.
Knock,
knock! Who's there? Satvik.
Satvik, who?
Not-at-all-funny satvik,
that's who!
What's wrong with
this crazy lady?
Is she suffering from a
multiple personality disorder?
- There.
That again not funny.
You sent a text to our office
group at 11 pm saying, 'urgent!'
'my son has pooped
and is playing in it.'
seriously?
Why would we be interested to
know that your son has learned to say,
'thank you, pappa.'
I wish he learnt to say,
'shut the fuck up, pappa!'
sir,
how could she talk like this
And you, 'definitely devang!'
you're the office's biggest
ass-licking yes-man, right?
You know what? I quit this shit.
I am done. I am getting
the hell out of here.
Now,
you can do whatever you want.
One more thing. If you ever
call any woman helpless,
I'll make your comment go viral.
After that,
you will be trolled so hard on social media
that it will be hard for you
to step out of your house.
Idiot!
That's gonna happen, definitely.
Satvik sir!
Are you a man or a broom?
But you know what,
guys? Even a broom is useful.
I quit, too.
It's my company. How can I quit?
Vasu, wait.
I quit,
too. I'm coming with you.
What? - Yeah.
Fatty.
I am not sure about my future.
I was just sick of it all.
So I quit in a fit of rage.
It was so cool,
babe. You were amazing.
And I don't need
this fucking job.
We've suffered a lot
here. We'll manage.
Let's go.
So,
what do you think about our office?
About that
Well, let's change the vibe
of this teenagers' playroom.
Yeah.
See you, man. At least,
they should have had a PlayStation.
Thanks, jc.
Teenagers' playroom!
What is this, mr zip-zap-zoom?
Did you hear what he said? Huh?
Starting with two people,
we've made it into a company
with a few hundred thousand users.
But if we want to aim
for million-plus users,
then we can't use the
same logic. Deal with it.
I have been telling you for months
that I'm stressed out about kechup.
This is not about you
and me and our feelings.
It's about this. It's
about the company.
But who is he? Elon
musk's nephew?
You see him in our company?
Plus, he'll invest on the
condition of becoming the ceo.
Come on,
panku. He is after your job, dude.
If that's what it takes to save kechup,
so be it.
Are you serious?
Thank you. - Welcome, sir.
Akhil! Are you following me?
No,
my office is just around the corner.
Ah - May I?
Well,
I'm so sorry about your fees.
Look,
if you weren't happy with
Here you go. - Thank you.
If you weren't happy
with the session,
you can tell me.
I can handle it.
No,
no. It was fine it was fine.
Actually, no.
I was confused
whether it was a therapy session
or having coffee with a friend.
Now that we are friends, but
I wasn't actually going to
text you for another session.
And I was going to make the
payment after two reminders.
Well, the thing is, akhil,
people expect us therapists to be perfect,
right?
Because they come to
us with their imperfections.
But sometimes, they can't accept
that we also have
those imperfections.
We've just figured out hacks
not to get affected by it, right?
And to manage these imperfections,
which is what you're doing,
is a very big step.
Because after all,
life is imperfect.
Strangely I feel better
after hearing this.
Listen, drop the payment.
I'll recommend a
senior therapist to you.
No, I can
Totally work with
a therapist like you
who makes mistakes and is human.
I mean, it's so damn comforting.
Yeah.
Listen, office is good,
effective and boring.
Great. So, you wanna schedule
me in next week for a session
- at your boring office?
- Yeah, sure.
Okay. Thanks.
Doc, see you soon. - Sure.
Ila!
Akhil! Hey!
Ready?
I thought there will be a nice
cafe around here somewhere.
You want to go trekking?
Don't worry. I'll carry
you if it comes to that.
- Yeah, but I hate exercise.
- I know.
You mentioned on your
profile that you hate exercise.
You know you're the first girl
who swiped right on that profile.
That profile? That means
you have other profiles too.
Yeah, long story.
Well, long trek as well.
Tell me about it. Walk and talk.
How high do we have to go?
40 minutes.
Fuck my life.
Not so fast.
Careful. - Thank you.
Shall I carry you?
No, I am sweaty.
Here, take my sweat.
That should break
the sweat between us.
Fuck. This is
not a typical date.
So, it's good, right?
I didn't want to do
anything typical.
Have an awkward
conversation on your first date.
Then talk on the
phone after going home.
After that,
go on your second date thinking
if you want the
third date or not.
Because if you make
it to the third date,
the expectations increase.
Then you'll wonder
whether to have sex or not.
I can't do so many calculations,
man.
Eventually, we're going to do it. So,
let's do it now.
What?
Have you ever met someone
and felt how special they were
on your first meeting?
Okay.
But I think you've
met such a person.
Yup.
Me. - Yup.
I think there is some
vibe between us.
Some vibe!
No, I don't think you're hot.
Nor am I imagining
you in my bed
No, there is no vibe.
And I'm not thinking of us
having sex in like ten minutes.
- So, did it open your chakra?
- So, did it open your chakra?
Yes, it did.
But then I did something stupid.
Anyway,
it opened the chakra, right?
Yes.
Did you come here to thank us?
No I mean, thank you, yes.
Guys, I really love enso.
And I know you're looking for a manager,
right?
Hmmm.
So, can I manage enso?
I mean,
I haven't done anything like this before.
But - Yes.
Yeah.
But instead of salary,
you have the option of sharing profit.
Yeah, I mean,
that's totally fine.
But I really feel I can really
make a difference here.
I mean, I love art. - You do.
I couldn't pursue
it seriously earlier.
But I think enso
really has potential.
We can market it.
I mean,
I haven't marketed anything before.
So, are you trying to
sell yourself for this job
or not sell yourself?
Shit! I blew it, right?
No, not at all. It's endearing.
But you're on.
As it is,
we don't have too many candidates.
Really? - Yes.
Just like that? - Yes.
Yeah.
But let's make one thing clear.
It all depends on
the next two months.
Then we'll have the exhibition,
end of an era.
If that works, great.
And if it doesn't,
end of an era, end of enso.
Both might happen. - No, no
I can do it. I can save enso.
I mean, I think I can.
I don't know, but
So, I guess, welcome aboard.
That's great.
Oh, but I have an assistant
with me.
Fatty! - Fatty!
We love fatty. - We love fatty.
That's great.
Thank you. - Welcome.
Well, your kisses are not
as boring as your profile.
I become more boring
after taking my clothes off.
Let me.
Okay.
I'm ready for more.
Okay.
Oh, shit! Sorry, guys.
Who was it?
Krish. - Krish!
I thought you were living alone.
No, I live with my boyfriend,
Krish.
Boyfriend?
I have mentioned it on my profile,
right?
Open relationship.
It was my turn today. I
think Krish forgot about it.
We do this on different days
to avoid a situation like this.
I thought you wanted to
be in an open relationship.
No,
I am in an open relationship.
Is that a problem?
No, of course, not.
I really like you. Wait.
I do have a problem.
I'm sorry I'm sorry
I'm really into you.
I'm really sorry.
You, me, him
I don't know. I thought I could do it,
but
On any other day, I would.
But I don't know
That guy and you and me
And - Akhil.
Ila.
I gotta go.
Akhil, your bag.
Oh, fuck! - Oh, god!
Are you okay? - I gotta go.
But Krish left.
I well I
Poor selvi had high hopes from us,
sis.
That we'd have a typical
rakhi moment today.
But little did she know
- that we're anti-middle class rakhi!
- Correct.
We aren't that kind of siblings.
This is who we are!
Cheers. - Cheers.
Strange girl.
I am not sure about her.
Kay has left these
cookies for us.
Kay
She's such a good girl.
And she went to
bed on time today.
Sometimes, you know,
these things make you wonder!
Maybe I'm not such a bad mother,
dude!
No, ma'am!
Hi, grandma! How are you?
Perfect.
What are you doing?
Nothing. I was just
gonna start studying.
A messy desk makes a
messy mind. You know that.
You didn't update
me about your grades.
Oh, you and grandpa
were relaxing on the cruise.
So, I didn't wanna bother you.
What rubbish?
You know I hate relaxing.
Did you talk to your mom and
dad about your applications?
Mom will just confuse me.
Yes.
Vasudha is always so indecisive.
You know, I quit my job today.
You quit? - Yes.
And I also got a new job.
Got one too? - Yep.
Enso. - Enso!
New guy?
- No, it's the name of the gallery.
- Fuck!
But it's got a good vibe, man!
I have to manage that gallery.
Will I be able to manage it
or not? That is the question.
You shall and you will.
Are you at akhil's?
Mom and I are living
here now with akhil uncle.
You're living at akhil's!
Why?
Mom and dad are on a break.
I don't know what happened.
You can ask mom something.
Okay. I'll ask them.
Okay.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Akku.
If I get into trouble in life,
if life gives me lemons,
you will rescue me, right?
You need to save me
from a lifetime of humiliation.
Because it's gonna happen.
Now, tie the rakhi.
Come on tie it. - Video
Don't touch the cookies.
Very good oh, it's very good.
Rakhi - There you go.
Tie it. - Rakhi.
I am going to protect you
all your life - Yay!
I'll save you. - Yay!
Rakhi - Hold on. I'll tie it.
- Where is my rakhi?
- I'll tie a rakhi on your wrist.
Hang on.
In life, to have a best friend,
who's also a part
of your family,
is like winning the lottery.