Hotel Babylon (2006) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
And would you like breakfast sent up to your room in the morning, sir, madam? CHARLIE: It's all right.
It happens all the time.
It's the effect luxury hotels have on people.
The ambience, the atmosphere It's intoxicating.
You enter through the revolving doors, your mood lifts, your libido rises.
We give you sexy like you've always wanted it.
We have the luxurious treats.
The extravagant cocktails.
The exquisite food.
The super-sized beds.
It's a lethal combination.
And it's not just the guests who are affected.
Jackie gets a kick out of making your room just so.
James derives pleasure from making sure your food is perfect.
Gino's heart sings when he sees you enjoying his cocktails.
And then there's Tony, who gets turned on by getting you exactly what you want.
Now you must take good care of her.
Dave, who gets a special kind of kick from shining shoes.
And Rebecca, who loves nothing better than balancing spreadsheets.
Me? I'm just a regular guy.
But I'm also the deputy manager of this establishment, and there is a line between you and me which cannot be crossed.
And so we have very strict rules regarding staff fraternising with guests.
I am so sorry.
And some rules are not meant to be broken.
Thank you, madam, and I do hope you'll stay with us again.
Thank you.
Wow.
How much surgery has she had? I'm amazed she could speak.
Hmm.
Big night? Hmm, cocktails, dinner, champagne, you know, the usual.
Thought he was in with a chance, didn't he? I mean, he's not even on the property ladder.
Bought me these, though.
Mmm.
Very nice.
-They're real, Ben.
-Uh-huh.
And when I say real, I mean real sapphires, not real plastic.
They will have been very expensive.
-Doesn't it, you know, grate on you? -What? Being given these little gifts by men? Don't you feel bought? No, I feel like I've got a free pair of earrings.
And you don't think that you're not looking for the right things in a guy? No.
I know exactly what I'm looking for.
I'm the kind of girl who intends to be checking into a hotel like this in two years' time, not stuck behind the reception desk.
All I'm saying is that maybe you should try dating guys who you genuinely like.
You know, have a genuine connection with? That soulmate thing.
Sure.
That's That's all very important, all that That stuff.
-Thanks.
-Thanks, bye.
His name is Richard Donovan.
He's an international media lawyer.
His company have an account with us so we need to make sure he has everything he needs and more.
Mark him down as a VIP.
But he looks so scruffy.
Anna, when you're a millionaire, there's no need to flash designer labels.
I suppose not.
He's having difficulty with the internet connection in his room, so we need to sort that out ASAP.
Absolutely.
I'll see to it personally, Rebecca.
I'll call down to maintenance right away.
Very good.
Ben, there haven't been any calls for me, have there? Switchboard haven't left any messages by any chance? Not that I know of, no.
And all calls for you would be sent straight through to your office, as usual.
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Oh, Anna, you were late again this morning.
That's the third time in two weeks.
Don't let it happen again, please.
-Well done, Lucy.
Chop those up really small.
-She's doing very well.
-Do you like cooking, then, Lucy? -Yeah, I do.
Daytime telly.
Very tempting, highly addictive.
Don't go there.
-What's the matter, babes? -Where have you been? -I've been waiting over 25 minutes for you.
-I'm sorry.
You know what it's like.
-Everyone wants a piece of me.
-You could have rung.
-I've got work to do too, you know.
-Come on, then.
The sooner we start, the sooner we finish.
Tell me something, Charlie.
How would you define our relationship? Casual? Yeah, sure, casual.
Good.
Because I've been asked out on a date for tonight and so I don't think we should It just doesn't seem right.
No, no worries.
-Taking you somewhere nice, then? -Yeah.
Yeah, he is, actually.
Great.
Shit.
Lost a button.
You haven't got a spare button, have you? The thing is, Charlie, I don't have to go.
He's just a guy.
We only met on the weekend.
It's no big deal.
-Mmm-hmm.
-We just got talking.
Right.
-You really don't get it, do you? -Get what? I'm so sorry.
I'm a bit lost.
I'm looking for the health spa.
Could you possibly point me in the right direction? Absolutely, madam, take the lift down a floor, follow the corridor round to the right -and then it's right in front of you.
-Thank you so much Charlie.
Very nice to meet you.
Well, if I get lost again, I'll know who to turn to.
Happy to help, madam.
My God, it must be so hard for you, all these beautiful women hanging on your every word.
I said I would like to speak to Dr Mark Thorne.
WOMAN: And I said Dr Thorne isn't taking any calls at the moment.
I see.
Well, can you pass on the message that his wife called for the fourth and final time? I merely want to make sure that Mr Donovan has everything he needs.
You heard Rebecca, he's a VIP.
He needs one-to-one special treatment.
So, erm, is that too much cleavage? Button up, please, Anna.
You're here to provide a reception service to our guests, nothing more, thank you.
-You haven't got your eye on him, then? -Ben, did you see what happened this morning? Our paths crossed, literally.
Fate brought us together, and although we hardly said a word, I felt a real, genuine connection thing.
I see.
And this real, genuine connection thing has nothing to do with his real, genuine, extreme wealth? God, Ben, you are so cynical.
Now, do I look all right? The thing about guys, Anna, is they'll take almost anything on offer.
Won't they, Ben? I imagine you've heard the gossip about Jackie.
She's seeing a banker, and not only is he gorgeous, but he earns about a hundred grand a month or something.
And even though they only met, like, three weeks ago, he already wants to take her home to meet his mum.
Apparently.
She met him last weekend, actually.
Whatever, Charlie.
My point is he's a great catch and he's pretty serious about her.
WOMAN: Let go, come on! Oh, stop mucking about.
I'm stuck now.
I am pushing.
Give over.
Stop mucking about.
Oh dear.
A woman who gets her bag stuck in a revolving door has clearly never been in a five star hotel before.
Try to remember, Anna, the way you're supposed to come in is through the back door.
And we're really excited to be in the big city, aren't we, Jonah? Oh, very excited, very excited indeed.
We've come all the way from York.
We won this weekend away in a competition on the internet.
-Congratulations.
-Ask about the meals, Janet.
Oh, yes.
Could you possibly tell us which meals are included? -Just the breakfast, madam.
-Yes.
-Just the breakfast, Jonah.
-Oh.
David, would you like to take Mr and Mrs Cord's luggage up to their room, please? Oh, no, no, we can do that.
We can do that.
No need to trouble yourself.
There you are, sunshine.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much indeed.
And Ben is checking in our competition winners right at this very moment.
This is an excellent opportunity to encourage members of the public who wouldn't normally visit the hotel to come back again as paying guests.
Or is it merely a good opportunity for penny pinchers to get something for nothing? The English snob never like to let anyone into his posh palace, does he? -That is not my point, Gino.
-I spit on the English snob.
In Italy, everyone is welcome everywhere.
And have you considered, Gino, we are not in Italy? You people are like dinosaurs.
Stuck in the Dark Ages.
The class system, Gino, is a part of British history.
You cannot just cut through history.
Yes, thank you, James, Gino.
It's all very interesting, but there are other items on the agenda.
Unfortunately, once again, I've had to pick people up on timekeeping.
You know exactly who you are.
I'm sorry, but where is Anna? So I've come to personally assist you with your internet connection.
I see.
Well my internet connection is working fine now, and I have everything I need, but thank you for your concern.
And may I just ask, sir, whilst I'm here, are your lights working okay? As far as I've noticed, yes.
And a very nice variety of settings you have, too.
-And no trouble with your air-con? -The temperature is pretty much perfect.
Ok, sir.
Erm May I just say, at this juncture, how terribly sorry I am about our little collision earlier this morning.
It was my fault entirely.
It was the highlight of my morning.
Please don't apologise.
Listen, Anna, maybe you could just step into my room for a minute.
I'm having trouble with my blinds, tricky things, blinds, aren't they? Hmm.
And then you just twist it like this when you want them to close.
-It's so easy once you know how.
-(GASPING) Wow! -Where's that? -That is the Cayman Islands, which is pretty much the nicest place on earth, according to me.
That's my little house there.
-It looks like heaven.
-Heaven would sum it up very nicely.
Look, Anna, I have a very specific request that maybe you could help me out with.
Sure.
I'd like to dine out and, well, I want the company of a woman, but the woman I'm looking for has to be a very special type.
I see.
She should be about 5'5" with long, dark hair, an incredible smile and a very cute British accent, and she needs to be available for this evening because I'm only here for one night.
All right, boys? What's going on? Swimming pool convention? I was just passing, Charlie, and I heard there was a problem with the, er, towel situation.
People just dumping towels all over the place.
Yeah, sauna and swimming is thirsty work.
I take cocktail orders.
Sometimes I just need to be near water.
Well, good work.
I'll take over.
And so I just have to find a way of getting out of my shift.
-He's only here for tonight.
Oh, please? -Anna, I can't.
I'm on till 11:00.
Sorry.
It's like I'm trapped here, isn't it? It's like I'm a prisoner, it's like Do you know if the private dining room's been booked out for tonight? -Not that I know of, no.
-Anna, here you are.
You weren't in the meeting.
I was wondering where you'd got to.
-I was just connecting with Richard Donovan.
-I see.
Just giving him that VIP treatment.
I just want to make sure that the service he receives is tip-top.
Well, maybe you can make sure he receives tip-top service and make it to the meeting in future.
-Hello.
-Hello, Richard.
-Anna? -Yes, it's Anna from reception.
Look, I was just thinking, if you want the best chef and the best service and the best ambiance, then we should eat in-house in our private dining room.
-What do you think? -Sounds perfect.
-Great, okay, well, I'll see you there at 8:30.
-8:30.
Okay, bye.
I'm only going to be in the room next door, so if there's a crisis, all you need to do is cover for me.
If you get caught, you'll get the sack, you know.
On the spot.
Like I'm going to need this tired old job after tonight.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Now, how do I look? (SIGHING) -Top's a bit low.
-So we might have sex.
Big deal.
He wants sex, I want a big house to have sex in.
I think we share similar values.
Fine, Anna, but you don't know this guy from Adam, so make sure you keep your hand over your drink at all times.
And how am I going to drink with my hand over my drink? I'm serious.
He could be dodgy.
He could slip something in it.
God, Ben, talking to you is like talking to my dad.
Now go and check if the coast is clear.
I'm going to be late.
CHARLIE: Most of the time, hotel staff are more than happy to make sure you have fun while they work.
But at the end of the day, we're only human.
Being at work on a Saturday night is no fun for anybody.
All right, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Especially when your colleagues have the night off.
-Oh, you're looking very nice this evening, Jackie.
-Thank you.
I'm on my way out to a restaurant.
I'm just trying to, you know, rise to the occasion.
She's on a date.
Apparently, he's a banker.
Earns something like 200K a month.
Yeah, I heard.
Well, that's women for you, innit? They love a bloke with cash.
You can be short, fat, boring, but if you've got a load of notes in the bank, you're well in there.
The garment from dry cleaning that you requested, Charlie.
But then again, like with alljobs, there are the occasional perks.
For example, when an attractive lady invites you to personally deliver a dress to her room.
-Personal delivery, madam.
-Charlie, come in.
Thank you so much.
Oh, my pleasure, madam.
And what a beautiful dress it is.
Please call me Alice.
The problem with this dress is that it creases.
It's stunning when you get it on, though.
In fact, if you could just wait one minute.
It's impossible to get into it without some assistance.
You're obviously well practised.
Most people usually struggle with that zip.
MAN: # It's not unusual to be loved by anyone # It's not unusual to have # Don't worry about him.
He always sings in the shower.
So what do you think? Not too sexy? I think your husband's a very lucky man.
A very lucky man.
-Oh, evening.
-Good evening, sir.
Madam, I do hope you have a wonderful night.
I said, "I'm in here, all is good.
Roger.
Over and out.
" -Where's Richard? -He's in the kitchen, talking to the chef.
I think he's some sort of hotshot whiz kid.
He's like the youngest person ever to become a partner in the company and he's been coming here for years, like since he was 20.
Well, he loves to cook, so he's talking to the chef about blanching duck or something.
Why you would ever want to even venture into a kitchen when you've got enough money to employ your own Michelin chef is beyond me.
Oh, you won't believe it, there's a pianist in here, too.
-He booked a pianist? -Well, no, I did, but I must say he's fantastic.
Out of this world.
I've got to go.
He's coming back.
So I have the recipe to take home with me.
The secret gourmet recipe.
God, I love good food, don't you, Anna? And I love to cook.
You know, whenever I'm not travelling, either myself or my chef, we whip up something totally delicious.
How about you? Are you good in the kitchen? To be honest, I'm not that keen on domestic duties.
Quite right, too.
I mean, what kind of man wants to see his woman chained to the kitchen sink? Well, that's no place for a princess, is it? -I think a drink is in order, personally.
-ALICE: I think I'll have a mojito.
That's lovely, thank you.
Okay, one mojito please and I'll REBECCA: Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Ben, Charlie, just to let you know, I'll be working late this evening.
I've got lots to get through, so if you need me, I'll be in my office.
Ben, does Anna actually work here, or is it just a figment of my imagination? She's Still on break.
Right, tell her to get back up here and behind that desk ASAP.
Two glasses of cheap house white, three bowls of free crisps and four bowls of free spicy nut mixture.
-Unbelievable.
-These people are poor, James.
They were not born with the silver spoon of the Queen in the mouth.
If they can't afford to be here, Gino, then they shouldn't be here at all.
You do not know what it is like to suffer, do you? Me, I am from humble beginnings.
From the slums of Rome.
What's the betting they don't want to eat in-house? These people cannot afford to eat in this house, but they would love to.
These people want something for nothing, Gino, and I can assure you, they are not going to get away with it.
Sir, Madam, if you would like to come with me, your table's ready.
Hey.
Hey.
What do you make of the couple in the corner? That is a very wealthy ugly man with a beautiful woman.
-Married? -Of course.
So she can make a packet when they divorce.
-That woman knows exactly what she wants.
-Well, they all know what they want, don't they? But they never tell you, you're meant to mind-read.
Too right, Charlie.
But if you want a quiet life, you're best off not getting involved.
It sounds so glamorous, all that travelling.
Well, the truth is I still get excited every time I go up in a plane.
Me too.
I love flying.
Adore it.
Especially long-haul, though I must admit, I do hate all that queuing in the airport.
Sure, yeah, well, I'm lucky that my company has a private jet.
Slightly flamboyant, I know, but it does mean you can kiss goodbye to queuing forever.
-You have a private plane? -You should join me on vacation, Anna.
I'm only going to be back in Chicago for two days, then I'm shooting off to the Cayman Islands.
Richard, could you bear with me for two minutes? Sure.
Sir, madam.
And if I may recommend our terrine of foie gras with citrus confiture jelly and toasted brioche, and the steak tartare with beetroot sauce and baby quail eggs.
-We might have to give dinner a miss, actually.
-How unfortunate, sir.
There's really nothing at all on the menu that takes your fancy? Actually, my wife's feeling a little bit under the weather.
Not herself.
(GRUNTING) I see, sir.
Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir.
Perhaps I could tempt you to a light meal.
Just the fillet of wild salmon with crab ravioli and aromatic herbs? Right there.
It's very kind, but no, thank you.
I think I'lljust take my wife up to bed.
We've had a long day, we Sir, madam, please remain seated.
The hotel would like to present to you a tasty platter of delicacies on the house.
Imagine it, the Cayman Islands.
I know it.
This is it, Ben, I've finally met the one.
Ah, Anna, tell me something.
What's going on with you today? First you miss the morning meeting, then you arrive back from break over half an hour late.
Rebecca, I'm so sorry.
It's just, I I've just received some terrible news.
(SOBBING) Two very close relatives of mine have been killed, in a walking accident in Switzerland.
It's tragic.
They just turned a corner and fell off a precipice.
Very good, Anna.
Extremely inventive.
You'll be up for an Oscar any day now.
-Anna, you're out of your mind.
-Look, my pudding is going to be getting cold, so tell Rebecca I've gone home on compassionate leave and I'll be back a week on Monday.
This is the last straw, Gino.
You are not giving Beluga caviar away for free.
We sell this for £200 per 20 grams.
I am taking them a selection of free delicacies, James.
Put my Beluga back this instant.
Right, if these people want to experience the palate-tickling flavour of the largest sturgeon in the Caspian Sea, they'll have to dig into their pockets like everyone else.
Gino! That is my final word on the matter.
You want to fight me for it? You want fisty and cuffs outside? Come on, roll up your sleeves, posh boy, and I'll see you outside in five.
How dare you! How dare you! -And these are eggs, you say.
From a fish? -GINO: That is correct.
So come on.
Eat! Eat! Delicious in the mouth.
Oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
It's just not our cup of tea.
We're more your meat and two veg kind of people, aren't we, Jan? Yeah, we don't mean to be rude, but your menu, it turns our stomachs, it does.
Hey, maybe you'd like to try some of this.
It's one of our favourites.
Good God.
(GRUNTING) Daniel? Daniel? -Jesus Maria.
-Please get up.
-DANIEL: I will do what I want! -Excuse me, what is going on here? I'm so sorry.
I think he's had too much to drink.
-I am not drunk.
-GINO: Antonio, fetch Charlie.
Sorry about that.
I had to take a call.
Work.
Now, where were we? Well, I was just thinking, if I was at home and we'd gone on a date, then I'd be asking you in for a drink about now, so would it be too forward of me to ask you up to my room? Well, Richard, we have very strict rules regarding guests and staff.
In fact, it's absolutely against hotel policy for a member of staff to join a guest in their bedroom.
Right.
So I'll go via the back route and see you up there in five.
-Does he do this often? -No.
Well, yes.
It's hard to say.
Look, I'm sorry.
I just find it difficult to talk about.
-I'll be fine from here, really.
Thank you.
-No problem at all, madam, no problem.
Oh, Ben, I'm having the most amazing evening.
He's this incredibly incredible man, so if you could be a darling and get a bottle of champagne sent up, that would be marvellous.
Call room service, Anna.
You know the system.
I can't call room service, Ben, because they'll recognise my voice.
Room for one more? -Would you like me to call a doctor? -No, no doctor.
Thank you.
I mean, it's just quite embarrassing with doctors.
Having them tell me how he's ruining his liver and how if he goes on like this he's going to kill himself.
I know what you must think of me, Charlie, but it's not what it seems.
I love Daniel.
Or I did love him, and then he started to drink.
We must look like an unlikely couple, but he's a very kind man.
Extremely funny and Anyway, difficult situation.
So how come you're here at the hotel, are you on holiday or Thank you for taking such good care of me, Charlie.
I should get to bed.
I'm exhausted.
Yes, of course.
Good night.
-Are you sure you're going to be okay? -I'll be fine.
Thank you.
Good night, Charlie.
So tell me, Anna, do you do this kind of thing often? What? Have baths with candles and surround-sound music? Have baths with guests in their rooms? Well, you know, I aim to please.
-You offer quite a service.
-We are five star.
I just wanted to say, and this is entirely off the record, but, Alice, I think you're a beautiful woman and I think you deserve more.
And if you need me, I'll be on the desk all night so When you say all night, Charlie, you literally mean all night? All night, yeah.
So you haven't got anyone special to go home to? No.
Charlie, do you ever just feel like, well, having a bit of fun? Sure do.
Would you like to meet me on the roof terrace for a drink in, say, 10 minutes' time? -Sure.
-Okay.
(PHONE RINGING) -You are something else, Anna.
-You are too, Richard.
These sheets are 400-thread-count Egyptian cotton, you know.
Changed everyday.
Imagine that.
Clean sheets everyday.
Heaven.
(SNORING) That was the best night's sleep I've ever had.
Richard? Richard? Richard? What sort of terrible thing, Anna? It's crazy busy down here, okay? He did what? Left me 500 quid, Ben.
On the bedside table.
What do you think it means? Oh, just say it.
He thought you were a hooker? I feel so humiliated.
I dress like a tart, don't I? You said this top was too low, and I should have listened to you.
What am I going to do? There's nothing you can do, Anna.
You just need to learn from the experience and move on.
No, I mean what am I going to do about the money, silly? Am I going to take it or am I going to leave it? Okay, yes, you're right.
If I take the money, then I'm as good as a hooker.
Do I seem like a slut? I think you maybe sometimes give out mixed messages.
I ought to get back down.
-Will you be -I'll be fine.
Fine.
-Morning, Anna.
-Morning.
-Tanya, you can't go in there! -But I come to clean the room.
Well, you need to come back later, and I need you to unlock the door because I need to go in there.
Eh? Unlock the door and clean another room.
(SIGHING) -Tanya, what do you want? -My key.
Ah, Tanya, just the person.
Have you seen anyone coming out of 503? -No.
-Right, then.
Well, there's a couple in there that should have vacated by now and they haven't, so I need you to knock on the door and rouse them.
(SNORING) Room service! -He's asleep.
I cannot wake him.
-And her? There is no her.
There's a couple in there, Tanya.
She must be in the bathroom.
Try again, please.
Unbelievable.
No one in the bathroom.
Just one man, in bed, asleep.
-Try shaking him.
-I'm not shaking him.
Good morning, sir.
Feeling a little groggy today, sir? Unfortunately you're late checking out, so I'd very much appreciate it if you wouldn't mind vacating the room as soon as possible.
And could you possibly tell me, sir, exactly why you left the money on your bedside table? I emptied my pockets to go downstairs to work out.
Okay, let me explain.
Your colleague and I, Anna, we had a date last night.
Now, she came back to my room and, don't get me wrong, we had a terrific evening, and I don't want to jump to conclusions here, but I come back from my workout and she's gone, the money's gone, what am I to think? Bear with me five minutes, sir.
-I can't believe you took it.
-I know.
I know.
Well, it's just, you know, I got to thinking, I worked hard for that money and Anna, you need to come straight back in now with the cash.
-I kind of can't do that.
-What? Well, I kind of just bought a gorgeous handbag.
It's crocodile skin and it's dark tan and Anna, that money wasn't yours to spend, that money -Oh, Ben, you're breaking up.
I can't hear you.
-Anna! Anna! Shit! -Hello.
-Charlie.
-Yep.
-I've got a bit of a situation here.
I already do one favour for you today, Charlie.
I know you have and I appreciate it.
I'm just asking for one more.
It's straightforward.
All you have to do is give the money to the man, say, "Sorry, very, very sorry, my mistake.
" (SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Okey-dokey.
It's going to take you a couple of minutes and then it'll all be over with.
I'm too busy.
Okay, I'll pay you £20 to come with me.
-30.
-Deal.
RICHARD: This kind of thing has never happened to me before.
I don't like being taken advantage of.
I can only conclude that this Anna was playing some sort of a game.
-Or else she was on the game, who knows? -Mr Donovan, I am lost for words.
She was cute, but not £500 worth of cute.
She didn't have that much going on between the ears, you know what I'm saying? Mr Donovan, I'm absolutely appalled Right, Tanya, remember what you're saying, yeah? Yes, Charlie.
I'm going to find out exactly what on earth Anna is playing at and Morning, Rebecca.
Mr Donovan, I'm Charlie Edwards, Deputy Manager of the hotel.
I'm afraid there's been an unfortunate misunderstanding.
Tanya here thought you'd left her a rather generous tip and took your £500 after cleaning the room.
I do hope, on behalf of the hotel, that you'll accept my most sincere apologies.
I'm very, very sorry, sir.
I so do very silly thing.
Okay.
I don't know what the hell's going on here, but I'd like to leave now and I'll never be coming back.
Send someone up to my room to collect my bags.
Mr Donovan, if you do need anything at all, please just call me.
-Charlie, I want you to find Anna and tell her -MAN: I feel terrible.
She took everything.
Watch, wallet, briefcase.
Everything.
I'm sorry, sir? (GRUNTING) Sir? Charlie, call a doctor.
-Can I help? -Mark.
-Who are you? -This is my husband, Mark Dr Thorne.
-How are you feeling? -Sick.
Hot, hungover, but I don't remember drinking much.
-Everything's just blank.
-I'm thinking that his drink could've been spiked.
-At a guess, probably Rohypnol.
-I've been date-raped? It would be a good idea to call an ambulance, just to check him over.
Yeah, I'll get onto it.
-And the police? -No! No police.
Oh, and, Charlie once you've called the ambulance, could you call your driver friend for me? Do you want a car? I want you to call your driver and have him wait for me outside.
Right away.
I'm just going to take your pulse, Mr Armley.
I didn't think women did this sort of thing to men.
You'd be surprised how malicious and calculating a woman can be.
-All right, Charles? You look a bit stressed.
-It's been a busy morning.
The point is that could have been me.
What was I doing messing about like that? -I didn't even see it coming.
-You know, it makes you think.
I mean, my wife doesn't have the looks of a supermodel, but I know exactly where I stand with her.
Makes you appreciate a good thing when you've got it.
-I'm feeling much better now, thanks.
-Mr Armley! Mark! -He stood up and just passed out.
-What are you doing to him? -I'm putting him in the recovery position.
-You put him in the crash position.
A drug like that can take days to pass through his system, depending on the dose.
Ambulance won't be too long.
Did you get your clothes? Some of them.
Thank you.
Why did you come? You keep calling me.
I figured I didn't want you showing up at the house.
-I understand why you're angry.
-I'm not angry.
-You vandalised my car.
-You vandalised our wedding vows.
-Jackie.
-Hey, morning, Charlie.
-Everything okay? -Yeah.
I just wanted to say I thought you looked really nice last night.
Thanks.
It's always worth getting dressed up for someone that appreciates it.
And you deserve it, to be appreciated.
So how did it go? The date.
Fantastic restaurant.
The menu was amazing.
I got to go.
I know you don't want me to grovel, so I won't.
But if there's anything you want to ask me -What's his name? -Why do you want to know that? It won't make any difference.
If I'm introduced to him at a party, or if I walk past him in the street, I'd like to know that it's him.
-Trust me, you won't pass him in the street.
-So he's from out of town? This isn't the time or the place.
Oh, I get it.
A guest from the hotel.
Some important, wealthy businessman, right? Well, you were just doing your job, treating him like royalty.
He misreads the signs, thinks he can have anything he wants.
-And you fell for it.
-No, it wasn't like I can see how that would happen.
I can see you choosing, or being drawn in by, someone like that.
But in the cold light of day, you realise That he's not the man I love.
-Why did you tell me? -Because I don't want a dishonest marriage.
But you do want a marriage? Very much so.
-Ambulance? -Chauffeur.
The driver you requested, he's out front.
(DANIEL MOANING) -Rebecca, can I talk to you for a moment outside? -Later, Charlie.
There's something I have to do.
-Will you wait around? -We'll talk tonight.
-At home? -At the house.
Are you okay, Anna? -I just said, are you okay? You just seem a bit -Fine.
Absolutely fine, Ben.
I was just thinking about that connecting thing.
Maybe it's not for everyone.
-Rebecca, about Pete -Charlie, I can see that Anna's back and I don't know what went on with her and Richard Donovan last night, but you need to have a word with her and let her know that she is a very lucky girl.
If I wasn't in such a good mood, her job would be on the line.
You don't want to go anywhere? As I said, I just want to have a little talk with you.
See, a member of my staff has already requested that you don't pick up from this hotel, therefore I'm wondering what you're doing here.
-But Charlie just called me.
-I'm also keen to find out why early this morning you collected a woman who's subsequently been discovered to have stolen from and drugged one of my guests.
With all due respect, there are certain things that you might be interested in knowing about your staff members.
Especially Charlie I know everything I need to know about my staff, including Charlie.
Now let me make myself clear.
The only reason the police haven't been called is because I've worked incredibly hard to build up the reputation of my hotel, and I'm not going to let anyone spoil that for me.
So don't let me catch you or your girlfriend here ever again.
Is that understood? Now if you'll excuse me, I've got far more important things to do.
Derek, could you tell Charlie I've had to go home early? I'm feeling a bit under the weather.
Sorry to hear that, Rebecca.
Hope you feel better soon.
Thank you.
So the £500 is going to be deducted from your wage packet, and I'm issuing with you a formal warning, do you understand? Another incident like this, Anna, it's going to cost you more than 500 quid.
-Yes, Charlie.
I understand.
-Good.
What are you doing back at work anyway? I thought you were on compassionate leave.
-Sorry? -Apparently two of your relatives died? Yes.
Of course.
They did.
Have died.
Terrible tragedy.
Shocking.
In fact But I thought that it would be better to be back at work in the thick of things rather than being at home feeling blue all alone.
Is that okay, Charlie? All right, Anna.
You can go.
He's a friend of mine.
He runs a really nice B&B in Earls Court.
They do a proper fry-up, all included in the price.
Next time you're in town, give him a call.
-Thanks.
-Have a safe trip.
CHARLIE: Hotels are such close-knit environments, they tend to work like pressure cookers.
Inside their walls, everything is intensified.
The lies that are told, the indiscretions that occur, and the rules that invariably get broken.
The most important thing you can do is try to learn from your mistakes.
That would be my advice anyway.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Jackie, I'm sorry I've never taken you anywhere smart.
Crap wages, late nights, not the best combination.
Charlie, I don't care about smart restaurants and money.
It's not about the restaurant.
It's about the company.
Oh, I see.
And I can tell you, listening to some banker droning on about off-shore investments is not my idea of a fun night out.
Listen, I've been doing some thinking.
The term "casual", what exactly do you mean by that? Because I'm not really sure that I'm comfortable with you seeing other blokes.
I see.
So I was just thinking maybe we can discuss how we define the term.
And your definition would be? Oh, my definition would be you not seeing people, me not seeing people and us seeing each other.
I'll have to give that some thought.
I'll give you my KitKat.
Charlie, you old romantic.
-Jackie! -Immigration.
It's a raid.
I wasn't always a cleaner.
Where is my father? That man I was with, he isn't my husband.
She's certainly got the wrong impression about you.
Don't lecture me, you sanctimonious shit.
This guy tip like an Arab, so I need your help.
You the only gay I know.
Sex on the beach, or you want a drink first? I have to go back to Australia.
Got to take someone home in the van, Jackie.
It doesn't have to be you.
It happens all the time.
It's the effect luxury hotels have on people.
The ambience, the atmosphere It's intoxicating.
You enter through the revolving doors, your mood lifts, your libido rises.
We give you sexy like you've always wanted it.
We have the luxurious treats.
The extravagant cocktails.
The exquisite food.
The super-sized beds.
It's a lethal combination.
And it's not just the guests who are affected.
Jackie gets a kick out of making your room just so.
James derives pleasure from making sure your food is perfect.
Gino's heart sings when he sees you enjoying his cocktails.
And then there's Tony, who gets turned on by getting you exactly what you want.
Now you must take good care of her.
Dave, who gets a special kind of kick from shining shoes.
And Rebecca, who loves nothing better than balancing spreadsheets.
Me? I'm just a regular guy.
But I'm also the deputy manager of this establishment, and there is a line between you and me which cannot be crossed.
And so we have very strict rules regarding staff fraternising with guests.
I am so sorry.
And some rules are not meant to be broken.
Thank you, madam, and I do hope you'll stay with us again.
Thank you.
Wow.
How much surgery has she had? I'm amazed she could speak.
Hmm.
Big night? Hmm, cocktails, dinner, champagne, you know, the usual.
Thought he was in with a chance, didn't he? I mean, he's not even on the property ladder.
Bought me these, though.
Mmm.
Very nice.
-They're real, Ben.
-Uh-huh.
And when I say real, I mean real sapphires, not real plastic.
They will have been very expensive.
-Doesn't it, you know, grate on you? -What? Being given these little gifts by men? Don't you feel bought? No, I feel like I've got a free pair of earrings.
And you don't think that you're not looking for the right things in a guy? No.
I know exactly what I'm looking for.
I'm the kind of girl who intends to be checking into a hotel like this in two years' time, not stuck behind the reception desk.
All I'm saying is that maybe you should try dating guys who you genuinely like.
You know, have a genuine connection with? That soulmate thing.
Sure.
That's That's all very important, all that That stuff.
-Thanks.
-Thanks, bye.
His name is Richard Donovan.
He's an international media lawyer.
His company have an account with us so we need to make sure he has everything he needs and more.
Mark him down as a VIP.
But he looks so scruffy.
Anna, when you're a millionaire, there's no need to flash designer labels.
I suppose not.
He's having difficulty with the internet connection in his room, so we need to sort that out ASAP.
Absolutely.
I'll see to it personally, Rebecca.
I'll call down to maintenance right away.
Very good.
Ben, there haven't been any calls for me, have there? Switchboard haven't left any messages by any chance? Not that I know of, no.
And all calls for you would be sent straight through to your office, as usual.
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Oh, Anna, you were late again this morning.
That's the third time in two weeks.
Don't let it happen again, please.
-Well done, Lucy.
Chop those up really small.
-She's doing very well.
-Do you like cooking, then, Lucy? -Yeah, I do.
Daytime telly.
Very tempting, highly addictive.
Don't go there.
-What's the matter, babes? -Where have you been? -I've been waiting over 25 minutes for you.
-I'm sorry.
You know what it's like.
-Everyone wants a piece of me.
-You could have rung.
-I've got work to do too, you know.
-Come on, then.
The sooner we start, the sooner we finish.
Tell me something, Charlie.
How would you define our relationship? Casual? Yeah, sure, casual.
Good.
Because I've been asked out on a date for tonight and so I don't think we should It just doesn't seem right.
No, no worries.
-Taking you somewhere nice, then? -Yeah.
Yeah, he is, actually.
Great.
Shit.
Lost a button.
You haven't got a spare button, have you? The thing is, Charlie, I don't have to go.
He's just a guy.
We only met on the weekend.
It's no big deal.
-Mmm-hmm.
-We just got talking.
Right.
-You really don't get it, do you? -Get what? I'm so sorry.
I'm a bit lost.
I'm looking for the health spa.
Could you possibly point me in the right direction? Absolutely, madam, take the lift down a floor, follow the corridor round to the right -and then it's right in front of you.
-Thank you so much Charlie.
Very nice to meet you.
Well, if I get lost again, I'll know who to turn to.
Happy to help, madam.
My God, it must be so hard for you, all these beautiful women hanging on your every word.
I said I would like to speak to Dr Mark Thorne.
WOMAN: And I said Dr Thorne isn't taking any calls at the moment.
I see.
Well, can you pass on the message that his wife called for the fourth and final time? I merely want to make sure that Mr Donovan has everything he needs.
You heard Rebecca, he's a VIP.
He needs one-to-one special treatment.
So, erm, is that too much cleavage? Button up, please, Anna.
You're here to provide a reception service to our guests, nothing more, thank you.
-You haven't got your eye on him, then? -Ben, did you see what happened this morning? Our paths crossed, literally.
Fate brought us together, and although we hardly said a word, I felt a real, genuine connection thing.
I see.
And this real, genuine connection thing has nothing to do with his real, genuine, extreme wealth? God, Ben, you are so cynical.
Now, do I look all right? The thing about guys, Anna, is they'll take almost anything on offer.
Won't they, Ben? I imagine you've heard the gossip about Jackie.
She's seeing a banker, and not only is he gorgeous, but he earns about a hundred grand a month or something.
And even though they only met, like, three weeks ago, he already wants to take her home to meet his mum.
Apparently.
She met him last weekend, actually.
Whatever, Charlie.
My point is he's a great catch and he's pretty serious about her.
WOMAN: Let go, come on! Oh, stop mucking about.
I'm stuck now.
I am pushing.
Give over.
Stop mucking about.
Oh dear.
A woman who gets her bag stuck in a revolving door has clearly never been in a five star hotel before.
Try to remember, Anna, the way you're supposed to come in is through the back door.
And we're really excited to be in the big city, aren't we, Jonah? Oh, very excited, very excited indeed.
We've come all the way from York.
We won this weekend away in a competition on the internet.
-Congratulations.
-Ask about the meals, Janet.
Oh, yes.
Could you possibly tell us which meals are included? -Just the breakfast, madam.
-Yes.
-Just the breakfast, Jonah.
-Oh.
David, would you like to take Mr and Mrs Cord's luggage up to their room, please? Oh, no, no, we can do that.
We can do that.
No need to trouble yourself.
There you are, sunshine.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much indeed.
And Ben is checking in our competition winners right at this very moment.
This is an excellent opportunity to encourage members of the public who wouldn't normally visit the hotel to come back again as paying guests.
Or is it merely a good opportunity for penny pinchers to get something for nothing? The English snob never like to let anyone into his posh palace, does he? -That is not my point, Gino.
-I spit on the English snob.
In Italy, everyone is welcome everywhere.
And have you considered, Gino, we are not in Italy? You people are like dinosaurs.
Stuck in the Dark Ages.
The class system, Gino, is a part of British history.
You cannot just cut through history.
Yes, thank you, James, Gino.
It's all very interesting, but there are other items on the agenda.
Unfortunately, once again, I've had to pick people up on timekeeping.
You know exactly who you are.
I'm sorry, but where is Anna? So I've come to personally assist you with your internet connection.
I see.
Well my internet connection is working fine now, and I have everything I need, but thank you for your concern.
And may I just ask, sir, whilst I'm here, are your lights working okay? As far as I've noticed, yes.
And a very nice variety of settings you have, too.
-And no trouble with your air-con? -The temperature is pretty much perfect.
Ok, sir.
Erm May I just say, at this juncture, how terribly sorry I am about our little collision earlier this morning.
It was my fault entirely.
It was the highlight of my morning.
Please don't apologise.
Listen, Anna, maybe you could just step into my room for a minute.
I'm having trouble with my blinds, tricky things, blinds, aren't they? Hmm.
And then you just twist it like this when you want them to close.
-It's so easy once you know how.
-(GASPING) Wow! -Where's that? -That is the Cayman Islands, which is pretty much the nicest place on earth, according to me.
That's my little house there.
-It looks like heaven.
-Heaven would sum it up very nicely.
Look, Anna, I have a very specific request that maybe you could help me out with.
Sure.
I'd like to dine out and, well, I want the company of a woman, but the woman I'm looking for has to be a very special type.
I see.
She should be about 5'5" with long, dark hair, an incredible smile and a very cute British accent, and she needs to be available for this evening because I'm only here for one night.
All right, boys? What's going on? Swimming pool convention? I was just passing, Charlie, and I heard there was a problem with the, er, towel situation.
People just dumping towels all over the place.
Yeah, sauna and swimming is thirsty work.
I take cocktail orders.
Sometimes I just need to be near water.
Well, good work.
I'll take over.
And so I just have to find a way of getting out of my shift.
-He's only here for tonight.
Oh, please? -Anna, I can't.
I'm on till 11:00.
Sorry.
It's like I'm trapped here, isn't it? It's like I'm a prisoner, it's like Do you know if the private dining room's been booked out for tonight? -Not that I know of, no.
-Anna, here you are.
You weren't in the meeting.
I was wondering where you'd got to.
-I was just connecting with Richard Donovan.
-I see.
Just giving him that VIP treatment.
I just want to make sure that the service he receives is tip-top.
Well, maybe you can make sure he receives tip-top service and make it to the meeting in future.
-Hello.
-Hello, Richard.
-Anna? -Yes, it's Anna from reception.
Look, I was just thinking, if you want the best chef and the best service and the best ambiance, then we should eat in-house in our private dining room.
-What do you think? -Sounds perfect.
-Great, okay, well, I'll see you there at 8:30.
-8:30.
Okay, bye.
I'm only going to be in the room next door, so if there's a crisis, all you need to do is cover for me.
If you get caught, you'll get the sack, you know.
On the spot.
Like I'm going to need this tired old job after tonight.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Now, how do I look? (SIGHING) -Top's a bit low.
-So we might have sex.
Big deal.
He wants sex, I want a big house to have sex in.
I think we share similar values.
Fine, Anna, but you don't know this guy from Adam, so make sure you keep your hand over your drink at all times.
And how am I going to drink with my hand over my drink? I'm serious.
He could be dodgy.
He could slip something in it.
God, Ben, talking to you is like talking to my dad.
Now go and check if the coast is clear.
I'm going to be late.
CHARLIE: Most of the time, hotel staff are more than happy to make sure you have fun while they work.
But at the end of the day, we're only human.
Being at work on a Saturday night is no fun for anybody.
All right, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Especially when your colleagues have the night off.
-Oh, you're looking very nice this evening, Jackie.
-Thank you.
I'm on my way out to a restaurant.
I'm just trying to, you know, rise to the occasion.
She's on a date.
Apparently, he's a banker.
Earns something like 200K a month.
Yeah, I heard.
Well, that's women for you, innit? They love a bloke with cash.
You can be short, fat, boring, but if you've got a load of notes in the bank, you're well in there.
The garment from dry cleaning that you requested, Charlie.
But then again, like with alljobs, there are the occasional perks.
For example, when an attractive lady invites you to personally deliver a dress to her room.
-Personal delivery, madam.
-Charlie, come in.
Thank you so much.
Oh, my pleasure, madam.
And what a beautiful dress it is.
Please call me Alice.
The problem with this dress is that it creases.
It's stunning when you get it on, though.
In fact, if you could just wait one minute.
It's impossible to get into it without some assistance.
You're obviously well practised.
Most people usually struggle with that zip.
MAN: # It's not unusual to be loved by anyone # It's not unusual to have # Don't worry about him.
He always sings in the shower.
So what do you think? Not too sexy? I think your husband's a very lucky man.
A very lucky man.
-Oh, evening.
-Good evening, sir.
Madam, I do hope you have a wonderful night.
I said, "I'm in here, all is good.
Roger.
Over and out.
" -Where's Richard? -He's in the kitchen, talking to the chef.
I think he's some sort of hotshot whiz kid.
He's like the youngest person ever to become a partner in the company and he's been coming here for years, like since he was 20.
Well, he loves to cook, so he's talking to the chef about blanching duck or something.
Why you would ever want to even venture into a kitchen when you've got enough money to employ your own Michelin chef is beyond me.
Oh, you won't believe it, there's a pianist in here, too.
-He booked a pianist? -Well, no, I did, but I must say he's fantastic.
Out of this world.
I've got to go.
He's coming back.
So I have the recipe to take home with me.
The secret gourmet recipe.
God, I love good food, don't you, Anna? And I love to cook.
You know, whenever I'm not travelling, either myself or my chef, we whip up something totally delicious.
How about you? Are you good in the kitchen? To be honest, I'm not that keen on domestic duties.
Quite right, too.
I mean, what kind of man wants to see his woman chained to the kitchen sink? Well, that's no place for a princess, is it? -I think a drink is in order, personally.
-ALICE: I think I'll have a mojito.
That's lovely, thank you.
Okay, one mojito please and I'll REBECCA: Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Ben, Charlie, just to let you know, I'll be working late this evening.
I've got lots to get through, so if you need me, I'll be in my office.
Ben, does Anna actually work here, or is it just a figment of my imagination? She's Still on break.
Right, tell her to get back up here and behind that desk ASAP.
Two glasses of cheap house white, three bowls of free crisps and four bowls of free spicy nut mixture.
-Unbelievable.
-These people are poor, James.
They were not born with the silver spoon of the Queen in the mouth.
If they can't afford to be here, Gino, then they shouldn't be here at all.
You do not know what it is like to suffer, do you? Me, I am from humble beginnings.
From the slums of Rome.
What's the betting they don't want to eat in-house? These people cannot afford to eat in this house, but they would love to.
These people want something for nothing, Gino, and I can assure you, they are not going to get away with it.
Sir, Madam, if you would like to come with me, your table's ready.
Hey.
Hey.
What do you make of the couple in the corner? That is a very wealthy ugly man with a beautiful woman.
-Married? -Of course.
So she can make a packet when they divorce.
-That woman knows exactly what she wants.
-Well, they all know what they want, don't they? But they never tell you, you're meant to mind-read.
Too right, Charlie.
But if you want a quiet life, you're best off not getting involved.
It sounds so glamorous, all that travelling.
Well, the truth is I still get excited every time I go up in a plane.
Me too.
I love flying.
Adore it.
Especially long-haul, though I must admit, I do hate all that queuing in the airport.
Sure, yeah, well, I'm lucky that my company has a private jet.
Slightly flamboyant, I know, but it does mean you can kiss goodbye to queuing forever.
-You have a private plane? -You should join me on vacation, Anna.
I'm only going to be back in Chicago for two days, then I'm shooting off to the Cayman Islands.
Richard, could you bear with me for two minutes? Sure.
Sir, madam.
And if I may recommend our terrine of foie gras with citrus confiture jelly and toasted brioche, and the steak tartare with beetroot sauce and baby quail eggs.
-We might have to give dinner a miss, actually.
-How unfortunate, sir.
There's really nothing at all on the menu that takes your fancy? Actually, my wife's feeling a little bit under the weather.
Not herself.
(GRUNTING) I see, sir.
Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir.
Perhaps I could tempt you to a light meal.
Just the fillet of wild salmon with crab ravioli and aromatic herbs? Right there.
It's very kind, but no, thank you.
I think I'lljust take my wife up to bed.
We've had a long day, we Sir, madam, please remain seated.
The hotel would like to present to you a tasty platter of delicacies on the house.
Imagine it, the Cayman Islands.
I know it.
This is it, Ben, I've finally met the one.
Ah, Anna, tell me something.
What's going on with you today? First you miss the morning meeting, then you arrive back from break over half an hour late.
Rebecca, I'm so sorry.
It's just, I I've just received some terrible news.
(SOBBING) Two very close relatives of mine have been killed, in a walking accident in Switzerland.
It's tragic.
They just turned a corner and fell off a precipice.
Very good, Anna.
Extremely inventive.
You'll be up for an Oscar any day now.
-Anna, you're out of your mind.
-Look, my pudding is going to be getting cold, so tell Rebecca I've gone home on compassionate leave and I'll be back a week on Monday.
This is the last straw, Gino.
You are not giving Beluga caviar away for free.
We sell this for £200 per 20 grams.
I am taking them a selection of free delicacies, James.
Put my Beluga back this instant.
Right, if these people want to experience the palate-tickling flavour of the largest sturgeon in the Caspian Sea, they'll have to dig into their pockets like everyone else.
Gino! That is my final word on the matter.
You want to fight me for it? You want fisty and cuffs outside? Come on, roll up your sleeves, posh boy, and I'll see you outside in five.
How dare you! How dare you! -And these are eggs, you say.
From a fish? -GINO: That is correct.
So come on.
Eat! Eat! Delicious in the mouth.
Oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
It's just not our cup of tea.
We're more your meat and two veg kind of people, aren't we, Jan? Yeah, we don't mean to be rude, but your menu, it turns our stomachs, it does.
Hey, maybe you'd like to try some of this.
It's one of our favourites.
Good God.
(GRUNTING) Daniel? Daniel? -Jesus Maria.
-Please get up.
-DANIEL: I will do what I want! -Excuse me, what is going on here? I'm so sorry.
I think he's had too much to drink.
-I am not drunk.
-GINO: Antonio, fetch Charlie.
Sorry about that.
I had to take a call.
Work.
Now, where were we? Well, I was just thinking, if I was at home and we'd gone on a date, then I'd be asking you in for a drink about now, so would it be too forward of me to ask you up to my room? Well, Richard, we have very strict rules regarding guests and staff.
In fact, it's absolutely against hotel policy for a member of staff to join a guest in their bedroom.
Right.
So I'll go via the back route and see you up there in five.
-Does he do this often? -No.
Well, yes.
It's hard to say.
Look, I'm sorry.
I just find it difficult to talk about.
-I'll be fine from here, really.
Thank you.
-No problem at all, madam, no problem.
Oh, Ben, I'm having the most amazing evening.
He's this incredibly incredible man, so if you could be a darling and get a bottle of champagne sent up, that would be marvellous.
Call room service, Anna.
You know the system.
I can't call room service, Ben, because they'll recognise my voice.
Room for one more? -Would you like me to call a doctor? -No, no doctor.
Thank you.
I mean, it's just quite embarrassing with doctors.
Having them tell me how he's ruining his liver and how if he goes on like this he's going to kill himself.
I know what you must think of me, Charlie, but it's not what it seems.
I love Daniel.
Or I did love him, and then he started to drink.
We must look like an unlikely couple, but he's a very kind man.
Extremely funny and Anyway, difficult situation.
So how come you're here at the hotel, are you on holiday or Thank you for taking such good care of me, Charlie.
I should get to bed.
I'm exhausted.
Yes, of course.
Good night.
-Are you sure you're going to be okay? -I'll be fine.
Thank you.
Good night, Charlie.
So tell me, Anna, do you do this kind of thing often? What? Have baths with candles and surround-sound music? Have baths with guests in their rooms? Well, you know, I aim to please.
-You offer quite a service.
-We are five star.
I just wanted to say, and this is entirely off the record, but, Alice, I think you're a beautiful woman and I think you deserve more.
And if you need me, I'll be on the desk all night so When you say all night, Charlie, you literally mean all night? All night, yeah.
So you haven't got anyone special to go home to? No.
Charlie, do you ever just feel like, well, having a bit of fun? Sure do.
Would you like to meet me on the roof terrace for a drink in, say, 10 minutes' time? -Sure.
-Okay.
(PHONE RINGING) -You are something else, Anna.
-You are too, Richard.
These sheets are 400-thread-count Egyptian cotton, you know.
Changed everyday.
Imagine that.
Clean sheets everyday.
Heaven.
(SNORING) That was the best night's sleep I've ever had.
Richard? Richard? Richard? What sort of terrible thing, Anna? It's crazy busy down here, okay? He did what? Left me 500 quid, Ben.
On the bedside table.
What do you think it means? Oh, just say it.
He thought you were a hooker? I feel so humiliated.
I dress like a tart, don't I? You said this top was too low, and I should have listened to you.
What am I going to do? There's nothing you can do, Anna.
You just need to learn from the experience and move on.
No, I mean what am I going to do about the money, silly? Am I going to take it or am I going to leave it? Okay, yes, you're right.
If I take the money, then I'm as good as a hooker.
Do I seem like a slut? I think you maybe sometimes give out mixed messages.
I ought to get back down.
-Will you be -I'll be fine.
Fine.
-Morning, Anna.
-Morning.
-Tanya, you can't go in there! -But I come to clean the room.
Well, you need to come back later, and I need you to unlock the door because I need to go in there.
Eh? Unlock the door and clean another room.
(SIGHING) -Tanya, what do you want? -My key.
Ah, Tanya, just the person.
Have you seen anyone coming out of 503? -No.
-Right, then.
Well, there's a couple in there that should have vacated by now and they haven't, so I need you to knock on the door and rouse them.
(SNORING) Room service! -He's asleep.
I cannot wake him.
-And her? There is no her.
There's a couple in there, Tanya.
She must be in the bathroom.
Try again, please.
Unbelievable.
No one in the bathroom.
Just one man, in bed, asleep.
-Try shaking him.
-I'm not shaking him.
Good morning, sir.
Feeling a little groggy today, sir? Unfortunately you're late checking out, so I'd very much appreciate it if you wouldn't mind vacating the room as soon as possible.
And could you possibly tell me, sir, exactly why you left the money on your bedside table? I emptied my pockets to go downstairs to work out.
Okay, let me explain.
Your colleague and I, Anna, we had a date last night.
Now, she came back to my room and, don't get me wrong, we had a terrific evening, and I don't want to jump to conclusions here, but I come back from my workout and she's gone, the money's gone, what am I to think? Bear with me five minutes, sir.
-I can't believe you took it.
-I know.
I know.
Well, it's just, you know, I got to thinking, I worked hard for that money and Anna, you need to come straight back in now with the cash.
-I kind of can't do that.
-What? Well, I kind of just bought a gorgeous handbag.
It's crocodile skin and it's dark tan and Anna, that money wasn't yours to spend, that money -Oh, Ben, you're breaking up.
I can't hear you.
-Anna! Anna! Shit! -Hello.
-Charlie.
-Yep.
-I've got a bit of a situation here.
I already do one favour for you today, Charlie.
I know you have and I appreciate it.
I'm just asking for one more.
It's straightforward.
All you have to do is give the money to the man, say, "Sorry, very, very sorry, my mistake.
" (SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Okey-dokey.
It's going to take you a couple of minutes and then it'll all be over with.
I'm too busy.
Okay, I'll pay you £20 to come with me.
-30.
-Deal.
RICHARD: This kind of thing has never happened to me before.
I don't like being taken advantage of.
I can only conclude that this Anna was playing some sort of a game.
-Or else she was on the game, who knows? -Mr Donovan, I am lost for words.
She was cute, but not £500 worth of cute.
She didn't have that much going on between the ears, you know what I'm saying? Mr Donovan, I'm absolutely appalled Right, Tanya, remember what you're saying, yeah? Yes, Charlie.
I'm going to find out exactly what on earth Anna is playing at and Morning, Rebecca.
Mr Donovan, I'm Charlie Edwards, Deputy Manager of the hotel.
I'm afraid there's been an unfortunate misunderstanding.
Tanya here thought you'd left her a rather generous tip and took your £500 after cleaning the room.
I do hope, on behalf of the hotel, that you'll accept my most sincere apologies.
I'm very, very sorry, sir.
I so do very silly thing.
Okay.
I don't know what the hell's going on here, but I'd like to leave now and I'll never be coming back.
Send someone up to my room to collect my bags.
Mr Donovan, if you do need anything at all, please just call me.
-Charlie, I want you to find Anna and tell her -MAN: I feel terrible.
She took everything.
Watch, wallet, briefcase.
Everything.
I'm sorry, sir? (GRUNTING) Sir? Charlie, call a doctor.
-Can I help? -Mark.
-Who are you? -This is my husband, Mark Dr Thorne.
-How are you feeling? -Sick.
Hot, hungover, but I don't remember drinking much.
-Everything's just blank.
-I'm thinking that his drink could've been spiked.
-At a guess, probably Rohypnol.
-I've been date-raped? It would be a good idea to call an ambulance, just to check him over.
Yeah, I'll get onto it.
-And the police? -No! No police.
Oh, and, Charlie once you've called the ambulance, could you call your driver friend for me? Do you want a car? I want you to call your driver and have him wait for me outside.
Right away.
I'm just going to take your pulse, Mr Armley.
I didn't think women did this sort of thing to men.
You'd be surprised how malicious and calculating a woman can be.
-All right, Charles? You look a bit stressed.
-It's been a busy morning.
The point is that could have been me.
What was I doing messing about like that? -I didn't even see it coming.
-You know, it makes you think.
I mean, my wife doesn't have the looks of a supermodel, but I know exactly where I stand with her.
Makes you appreciate a good thing when you've got it.
-I'm feeling much better now, thanks.
-Mr Armley! Mark! -He stood up and just passed out.
-What are you doing to him? -I'm putting him in the recovery position.
-You put him in the crash position.
A drug like that can take days to pass through his system, depending on the dose.
Ambulance won't be too long.
Did you get your clothes? Some of them.
Thank you.
Why did you come? You keep calling me.
I figured I didn't want you showing up at the house.
-I understand why you're angry.
-I'm not angry.
-You vandalised my car.
-You vandalised our wedding vows.
-Jackie.
-Hey, morning, Charlie.
-Everything okay? -Yeah.
I just wanted to say I thought you looked really nice last night.
Thanks.
It's always worth getting dressed up for someone that appreciates it.
And you deserve it, to be appreciated.
So how did it go? The date.
Fantastic restaurant.
The menu was amazing.
I got to go.
I know you don't want me to grovel, so I won't.
But if there's anything you want to ask me -What's his name? -Why do you want to know that? It won't make any difference.
If I'm introduced to him at a party, or if I walk past him in the street, I'd like to know that it's him.
-Trust me, you won't pass him in the street.
-So he's from out of town? This isn't the time or the place.
Oh, I get it.
A guest from the hotel.
Some important, wealthy businessman, right? Well, you were just doing your job, treating him like royalty.
He misreads the signs, thinks he can have anything he wants.
-And you fell for it.
-No, it wasn't like I can see how that would happen.
I can see you choosing, or being drawn in by, someone like that.
But in the cold light of day, you realise That he's not the man I love.
-Why did you tell me? -Because I don't want a dishonest marriage.
But you do want a marriage? Very much so.
-Ambulance? -Chauffeur.
The driver you requested, he's out front.
(DANIEL MOANING) -Rebecca, can I talk to you for a moment outside? -Later, Charlie.
There's something I have to do.
-Will you wait around? -We'll talk tonight.
-At home? -At the house.
Are you okay, Anna? -I just said, are you okay? You just seem a bit -Fine.
Absolutely fine, Ben.
I was just thinking about that connecting thing.
Maybe it's not for everyone.
-Rebecca, about Pete -Charlie, I can see that Anna's back and I don't know what went on with her and Richard Donovan last night, but you need to have a word with her and let her know that she is a very lucky girl.
If I wasn't in such a good mood, her job would be on the line.
You don't want to go anywhere? As I said, I just want to have a little talk with you.
See, a member of my staff has already requested that you don't pick up from this hotel, therefore I'm wondering what you're doing here.
-But Charlie just called me.
-I'm also keen to find out why early this morning you collected a woman who's subsequently been discovered to have stolen from and drugged one of my guests.
With all due respect, there are certain things that you might be interested in knowing about your staff members.
Especially Charlie I know everything I need to know about my staff, including Charlie.
Now let me make myself clear.
The only reason the police haven't been called is because I've worked incredibly hard to build up the reputation of my hotel, and I'm not going to let anyone spoil that for me.
So don't let me catch you or your girlfriend here ever again.
Is that understood? Now if you'll excuse me, I've got far more important things to do.
Derek, could you tell Charlie I've had to go home early? I'm feeling a bit under the weather.
Sorry to hear that, Rebecca.
Hope you feel better soon.
Thank you.
So the £500 is going to be deducted from your wage packet, and I'm issuing with you a formal warning, do you understand? Another incident like this, Anna, it's going to cost you more than 500 quid.
-Yes, Charlie.
I understand.
-Good.
What are you doing back at work anyway? I thought you were on compassionate leave.
-Sorry? -Apparently two of your relatives died? Yes.
Of course.
They did.
Have died.
Terrible tragedy.
Shocking.
In fact But I thought that it would be better to be back at work in the thick of things rather than being at home feeling blue all alone.
Is that okay, Charlie? All right, Anna.
You can go.
He's a friend of mine.
He runs a really nice B&B in Earls Court.
They do a proper fry-up, all included in the price.
Next time you're in town, give him a call.
-Thanks.
-Have a safe trip.
CHARLIE: Hotels are such close-knit environments, they tend to work like pressure cookers.
Inside their walls, everything is intensified.
The lies that are told, the indiscretions that occur, and the rules that invariably get broken.
The most important thing you can do is try to learn from your mistakes.
That would be my advice anyway.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Jackie, I'm sorry I've never taken you anywhere smart.
Crap wages, late nights, not the best combination.
Charlie, I don't care about smart restaurants and money.
It's not about the restaurant.
It's about the company.
Oh, I see.
And I can tell you, listening to some banker droning on about off-shore investments is not my idea of a fun night out.
Listen, I've been doing some thinking.
The term "casual", what exactly do you mean by that? Because I'm not really sure that I'm comfortable with you seeing other blokes.
I see.
So I was just thinking maybe we can discuss how we define the term.
And your definition would be? Oh, my definition would be you not seeing people, me not seeing people and us seeing each other.
I'll have to give that some thought.
I'll give you my KitKat.
Charlie, you old romantic.
-Jackie! -Immigration.
It's a raid.
I wasn't always a cleaner.
Where is my father? That man I was with, he isn't my husband.
She's certainly got the wrong impression about you.
Don't lecture me, you sanctimonious shit.
This guy tip like an Arab, so I need your help.
You the only gay I know.
Sex on the beach, or you want a drink first? I have to go back to Australia.
Got to take someone home in the van, Jackie.
It doesn't have to be you.