How to Rock (2012) s01e04 Episode Script

un Believable.
I thought you were gonna say "un Derpants.
" How can they put Molly.
On the front of the Brewster quarterly? How can she be the face of the school? Look at this face.
This is the face of the school.
That face scares me.
Not this face.
This face.
I like that face.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, guys, I'd really love your opinion.
About my piece for the art show.
Huh? It's not good.
Come on.
It's an abstract work.
A visual representation of how I feel.
When I'm playing my guitar.
Nope.
- I don't see it.
- So confused.
Look at you.
Oh, you're doing so well.
Uh, what's the deal with hamster town? They're for my science project.
I'm studying a hamster 's ability to learn new things, if they press the green button, they get food.
But if they press the red button, they get a teeny shock.
Oh, sorry.
I got so bored I fell asleep.
Sorry.
I got so annoyed I punched you.
Oh, man, I have to win this art show.
Since when is art such a big deal for you? Since I met dana Blair.
And found out she's really into artists.
And I think I know a way to get through to her.
Check out my tortured artist face.
You look like my mom on taco night.
Hey, Kacey.
Really? It's all over the place.
Everyone's reading it.
Haven't seen it.
Here's one.
Listen up, my homies.
I've got sign-up sheets for the art show right here.
Reminder: A picture of your butt is not art.
Well, I'm out of ideas.
The winner will have their artwork on display.
Here in the courtyard all of next year.
Uh, people? Hi.
I wouldn't even bother entering.
I'm gonna win.
Don't get your heart set on it, Molly.
Zander is gonna kick your butt.
Oh, yeah.
Not with that.
With something much cooler than that.
Aww.
I forgot how funny you are, Kacey.
Aww, I forgot too.
Grace! You see, Kacey, I've been taking art lessons, and after my stunning self-portrait wins the contest, every day for the next year, you'll get to look up at me while I look down on you.
Won't that just be awesome for you? Totes awes.
Totes awes.
Love that.
Yes.
Perf power.
Hmm.
Molly makes me crazy.
She goes sw far out of her way.
To just rub in my face how great she is.
Well, if I win, you won't have that problem.
That's right.
Zander.
You have got to win this art show.
I want to.
But what am I gonna sculpt? If you ask me, the key is to sculpt something romantic.
And classic.
And beautiful, like a woman.
Oh, you mean, like you? It'll be great.
You'll sculpt me, win the art contest, and impress dana.
And more importantly, there'll be a statue of you up there.
What? It doesn't matter who's up there.
Hmm.
Okay, well, if it's not gonna be Molly, then it might as well be me.
Right? Just saying.
All right, let's do it.
Only You Can Be You only I can be me you always wanna be what you're not can't you be happy with what you've got? you're perfect the way you are with your insecurities, doubts and scars your life's too short to worry don't you know it's true Only You Can Be You.
you can be you - only I can be me.
- I can be me.
- Only You Can Be You.
- You can be you only I can be me.
I can be me.
- Only You Can Be You.
- You can be you - only I can be me.
- I can be me.
- Only You Can Be You.
- You can be you - only I can be me.
- I can be me.
Hey, Kacey.
Can't wait to start sculpting.
Got my Clay.
- Got my bone structure.
- Great.
Oh, man, there's dana.
Dana.
Hey.
Hey.
Move past "hey.
" I was just thinking about how.
Postmodernism is so awesome.
Yeah.
I guess.
If you think that irony is a substitute.
For actual artistic skill.
Uh Hey.
Zander, your sculpture better be great.
Behold, the flying sticks.
One, two, one, two, three, four.
rock and roll! You know what? You guys are morons.
One of your sticks almost hit my hamster cage.
Oof! Look, I know you're the artist, and I'll pose however you like.
But I just want to make sure.
That you capture my true essence.
- Your goddess-like qualities? - I did not say "goddess-like.
" - Yeah, you did.
- I may have.
But if you want to impress dana, you got to let me do my thing.
Look, the Clay will tell me what it wants to be.
Fine.
Then I'll tell the Clay what I want it to be.
And the Clay will tell you.
Can we please keep our voices down? You guys are disturbing Mary jo and Ellis.
Oh, right.
How are the little cutie-pa-tooties? - No baby-talk.
They're working.
- So-rry.
Mary jo already mastered the food test, which is great.
And Ellis is taking a little more time, as all boys do, but I'm sure he'll get the hang of it If other boys will stop throwing drumsticks at his cage.
Oh, please.
Mary jo and Ellis don't even know we're here.
Hello, hamsters.
Are we bothering you? Oh, wait, hamsters don't talk.
Because they're stupid.
Ho.
Slap! Excuse me.
I really need them to focus on the test I'm giving, okay? Let's be honest.
It's a simple test.
You push a button, you get food.
I do that with vending machines all the time.
What? So let me get this straight.
You two fools really think.
You're smarter than my hamsters? Oh, yeah.
Hamster log.
Afternoon.
New experiment.
I'm going to prove that Kevin and Nelson.
Are not smarter than hamsters.
And we are so gonna prove you wrong.
I'm the treasurer of the science club.
I'm pretty sure I can outthink a couple of rodents.
Who aren't treasurers of anything.
Okay.
Since you guys are so brilliant, get the candy bars.
Easy.
Green button.
Because green means go.
Science club treasurer, yo! Watch and learn, hamsters.
Oh, I probably should have reminded you.
There's an electric shock.
That goes along with the wrong answer.
Noted.
Are you ready to see the statue of you.
That will be gracing the courtyard for a year? Dazzle me.
- Ta-da! Okay.
Yeah? - Okay.
- Yeah, right? Not so bad.
Except My hair has way more volume than that.
And I would never wear a sheet as a dress.
And my adorable nose.
It looks like you sculpted it with your feet.
Don't worry, I'm just an artist.
I have no feelings at all.
I'm sorry.
But if I could just change one thing, I would Oh! If you lay one finger on my statue, I will give you a third eye.
On your chin.
Give her an eye chin! Zip it, hamsters.
Eye chin.
Eye chin.
Eye chin.
Eye chin.
Eye chin.
Eye Mm.
- Man, that was cold-blooded.
How come I'm not in a chair? Oh, you can't worship me from a chair, Grace.
I could if it was a little chair.
Maybe a stool? I dug down deep into my soul to create this statue.
Gave up everything that's important to me Even pizza.
I never realized you were so committed to your art.
My depth surprises even me.
I have to win this.
- Oh-ho, you will win this.
Slap! This came from deep within my soul.
Did you give up pizza too? What? Are you crazy? See you later, Kacey.
See you.
Okay.
If we're gonna help Zander win first place.
And keep Molly off that wall, you are gonna need a Kacey makeover.
Just a little tweak.
And Snap! Oh, no! Okay.
I can fix this.
Now you're beautiful.
Crash! And now you're in 1,000 pieces.
What's up, my peeps? Lose the dumb hat.
Tough crowd.
All right, we've narrowed it down to three finalists.
First up, Molly with unnamed worshipper.
Ooh! That's me.
Hi.
Next up and I'm not exactly sure how it happened We have Andy's self-portrait in macaroni.
And last but certainly not least Because that would be Andy's We have Zander's spectacular statue de Kacey.
We'll be announcing the winner at 4:00.
In the meantime, we have refreshments Gesundheit.
What's up with my hearing? Close one.
Zander doesn't have a prayer of winning.
Look how awful he made Kacey look.
I mean, that hair is a scream fest.
And her face looks totally puffed out.
And what's up with that sheet she's wearing? The thread count looks lame.
Beep! Beep! Text! Oh, my new purse is in.
Bye, puffy face.
- Oh-ho! I got your puffy face.
Well, hello, there.
You may just be a statue, but you're the closest I'm ever gonna get.
To the real Kacey Simon.
Andy, no kissing the art.
One day, we'll be together.
Whoo! What a workout.
Uh, you were only on there for 30 seconds.
You sure? Seemed more like 45.
Hey, hamster boys.
You guys ready for a treat? Well, I for one, have worked up quite the appetite.
From my long run on the wheel.
Well, your snack's waiting.
Oh, man, that looks tasty.
I want it bad.
Focus.
Last time, you pressed the green button.
And we got zapped.
Badly zapped.
So following that logic, this time we should press the red button.
Exactly.
That's one way to go.
Or is it just that Stevie wants us to think.
We should press the red button? When really we should press the Green button! Are Kevin and Nelson smarter than hamsters? I think I broke my butt.
Not even close.
Hmm.
How'd this get screwed up? I think I got it.
Kacey? Surprise.
How did What did Where's the I know, this is crazy.
Just let me explain.
Nothing to see here.
Just a regular old statue.
Move along.
Yeah.
I was only trying to slightly tweak the nose of the statue.
The teeniest bit when it fell off.
And then I tried to fix it, but then the whole thing was just like I can't believe you.
You knew how much this meant to me.
Now you've ruined any chance I have with dana.
And I'm so sorry.
I just got so caught up on how the statue looked.
Because I just had to beat Molly.
But I don't care about that anymore.
I just want to help you with dana.
That's why I'm dressed as a statue.
Well, I am so glad you have the situation under control.
Molly, out of all the things I remember you doing for your painting, I don't remember you actually painting it.
That's because I didn't.
I paid my art teacher to paint it.
I just want everyone to think I'm a really great artist.
Oh, I totally understand that.
Especially since you're a terrible artist.
I am not A terrible artist.
It's okay.
You have lots of other talents.
Like, uh, staring at people.
And making them really nervous.
True.
I need to tell somebody.
And I really need to scratch my foot.
Oh.
I think I found something.
Oh, my mom's gonna kill me if I get fleas.
It's not a flea; Just some random bug.
Did you just eat it? I had to eat something, man.
My stomach was craving some action.
Dude, that's messed up.
I don't even think that hamsters do that.
Are you two rodents ready to prove your intelligence? Squeak! Squeak! Are you guys hungry? Squeak! Squeak! Well, your snack's waiting.
Okay, it has got to be red this time.
Definitely red.
Absolutely.
It's got to be red.
She's lying.
She knows we know she's lying.
It's green.
- Even after being spoon-fed the answers, the humans still fail to make an intelligent decision.
See you later, rodents.
Oh, maybe you can get a few tips from Mary jo and Ellis.
It's chilly in here.
Yeah.
The hamsters look so warm and cozy.
- This is a little warmer.
- Shut up and hold me.
Thank you, judges.
And thank you, America.
How was that? Did it sound natural? Very natural.
And very humble.
Good luck, Zander.
Be quiet, Kacey.
Well, the time has come.
For me to announce the winner of the art show.
And the winner is Molly.
Thank you, judges.
And thank you, America.
You know, most people would assume.
That creating a painting this amazing would be difficult, but for an artist like me Not so fast! Molly cheated.
She didn't paint this herself.
She paid someone to paint it for her.
Is this true, Molly? I have no idea.
What this crazy statue freak is talking about.
I made this painting myself, and that's the truth.
Grace? Well Even if she didn't actually paint it, it was totally her idea.
In light of this new information, Molly is disqualified.
Zander, you won! Hold on, Kacey statue creature.
Since Zander didn't actually make a statue, he's also disqualified.
What? Which means, in the biggest upset ever, the winner is Andy's creepy macaroni thing.
I won! I'm the Champion of the world! I won! I'm the Champion of the world! Ow! I got Andy sweat in my eye! Good.
You deserve it.
I'm blind! Wow.
Yeah.
That was awesome.
It was? You made living art, which is so the next big thing.
You're totally avant-garde.
Finally somebody at this school gets me.
Call me later so we can hang out.
I want to see the rest of your art.
Hey.
Well, I'm glad things worked out with you and dana.
Thanks, Kacey.
You really came through for me.
I mean, you really screwed it up, but then you really came through for me.
Well, you know what they say.
"Friends become statues for friends.
Whose statues they've broken.
" Something like that.
I haven't heard that.
No.
Want to split a smoothie with the winner? Want to get your butt kicked by a statue? Guys, I got an "a" on my project.
I proved you're dumber than hamsters.
I want a recount.
So you can get out now.
Whoa, no, no, no.
We're not going anywhere till we get it right.
Okay.
Oh, and by the way, it's the red button.
It's been the red button the whole time.
She messing with us? I don't think so.
So red? Red.
We did it! All right! We're smart.
Oh, yeah.
We're smart.
We are dumr than hamsters.
Big time.