Hung s01e04 Episode Script

GIRL: Coach Ray Drecker a West Lakefield legend.
He started out as West Lakefield's star athlete and a member of the legendary Wolves, class of '84 when he lettered in three sports.
After attending University of Central Florida on a prestigious baseball scholarship Coach Ray chose to return to West Lakefield High as a coach, history teacher and all-around inspiration.
RAY: Not only did she make me sound like a turd, she left out the best parts.
Like my contract with the Braves, and my ligament injury.
Like how I tasted and came close to greatness.
Since then, Coach Ray has been with us through thick and thin through the good times and the bad times.
Coach Drecker's always there when we need him.
Is that what I was to them? The guy who was there? The guy they could count on to stay behind when they leave? - And go to college and forget our high-school days Coach Drecker will be here.
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
Coach Drecker is always here for us, which is why the student council has chosen to make Coach Ray the recipient of our fall fundraiser, Meet You at the Car Wash.
[STUDENTS CHEERING AND CLAPPING.]
BOY: Okay.
Coach, we know you lost your roof in the fire.
So we thought we'd buy you a structural beam.
We think this $235 will buy you about one and a half beams depending on the quality of the wood.
We hope you enjoy the beams for many years to come.
[STUDENTS CHEERING AND CLAPPING.]
RAY: Then they gave me the pickle jar.
[ON RECORDING.]
This is Ray.
I lost my old phone in the fire so make sure and leave your number.
You have to give me an answer.
Tell me which way you're leaning because this train is really leaving the station.
WOMAN: Did you bring pictures? TANYA: Uh, no.
- Well, how can I choose then? - You have to trust me.
I choose for you.
It's a responsibility I take very seriously.
Very seriously in every way.
It's what I do.
What if you send me some kind of freak? Not gonna happen.
I would never employ a freaky guy.
I really just want somebody calm and normal.
No liars or addicts or drug users.
That's why a service like mine can come in so handy, Molly.
I personally vet every individual who works for me.
And as you can see, I'm a woman just like you.
A normal person sitting across the table.
I don't like the idea of some muscled-out, shiny-looking, probably gay boy gyrating on me.
And anonymous sex ads, they're a turnoff but that doesn't mean that I don't feel very sexy sometimes and wish that life could be a little more simple you know, in that way.
Yeah, it's really true.
Yeah, I can understand what reasonable women want because I am one of those women.
That's why we're called Happiness Consultants.
Here, let me give you one of our refrigerator magnets.
It's a freebie.
MOLLY: Oh.
- Ooh.
TANYA: Yeah.
Make sure you throw me a good-looking one then.
- Naturally.
- And make sure he doesn't have a small you know - Yeah.
wiener.
Heh.
Uh-huh.
Lenore said she'd never had such Look, I get enough teeny-weeny dick already.
Don't even send me medium size.
I'm not even kidding.
Molly, relax.
We have no problems in that arena.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, my God.
Can you believe the things Lenore introduces me to? It's not like I do this every day.
Did Lenore mention the price? - She said I should pay up-front.
- Three hundred.
Now, that's a 50 percent first-time discount.
I only give that to Lenore's friends.
Okay.
So when should I get that to you? Well, I'm good to wait right here if you want to go get it at the ATM.
It's got a very reasonable surcharge.
How do you keep from shooting yourself? Try to keep one foot in front of the other.
I was gonna put up a roof beam this weekend.
Okay.
- Well, thanks for showing it to me.
- Sure.
- I hope it stops the problems.
- Yeah, me too.
Why in the world would I have nightmares about this place? All of my possessions did not get burned up.
None of my stuff was even here.
Right.
- Just all my stuff.
- Exactly.
- I should go.
- Yeah.
Oh, by the way l'm thinking of flying Darb to New York tomorrow.
You know, like, unexpectedly.
Take her to Mamma Mia! - Tomorrow is my night, Jess.
- I know, but she's depressed, Ray.
It's boy trouble.
I don't think Dad's night at the drive-in is gonna cheer her up.
Maybe it will cheer her up.
Maybe Dad's night at the drive-in is just what she needs.
Hey, look.
Something of mine was here.
My nutcracker.
- Hey, do you mind? - No, you have at it.
[JESSICA CHUCKLES.]
Go crack some nuts.
RAY: Twenty years of marriage and she misses the nutcracker.
What the hell is she looking at? It's called work, lady.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
[RAIN PATTERING.]
One foot in front of the other.
It sounded so easy when Mom used to say it.
Just put one foot in front of the other and good things will come.
TANYA: Ray.
Ray! You never called me back.
Ray, I know you're in there.
It's freezing out here, so I'm coming in.
So are you quitting or not? [RAY GROANS THEN COUGHS.]
Come on, Ray, knock it off.
You're leaving me hanging out on a limb.
Come on, Tanya.
I can't deal with this right now.
- Are you getting sick? - No.
L Seriously, I don't mean to be negative but this is how people get pneumonia and die.
I'm a camper.
I can camp out here all winter if I need to.
Could you not be arrogant about your health? - A man your age needs heat.
- What do you mean, a man my age? I have a confession to make.
- I booked you two appointments tomorrow.
- You They're Lenore's recommendations.
It's no bullshit.
A very nice woman named Molly wants to see you tomorrow afternoon.
I can't.
Tomorrow I'm busy.
- What makes you so busy? - I'm putting in a roof beam.
A roof By yourself? Are you delusional? Men have built homes with their bare hands for centuries.
And I'm gonna do it with whatever cash comes my way.
- Starting with this pickle jar.
- These are very wealthy prospects, Ray.
They could easily turn into regulars.
Do you know what that means? They both prepaid in advance, cash.
Probably a lot more than what's in that pickle jar.
So if you ask me, I think that you should postpone your, uh, roof project.
MOLLY: Richard? - Uh Are you Richard? Are you Molly? You're very, uh - You seem like a very nice woman.
- Thank you.
You're very handsome.
Very attractive.
Um Thanks.
- You're not a private investigator, are you? - A what? I just suddenly thought, "Oh great, my husband hired a PI.
" So you don't have a camera hidden somewhere on your body? - Heh, heh.
Nope.
- Can I check? Um Um, sure.
Okay.
Listen, um, do you have any aspirin? I have ibuprofen.
- Do you want some? - Great.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Whoa.
Oh, Molly.
I'm feeling so lousy.
You know, I've been spending a lot of time outdoors.
MOLLY: Are you gonna be okay? You know, I don't think so.
Shit, this is bad.
Molly, I don't want to give you what I got.
Yeah.
Shit, I don't think I'm the right guy for the job right now.
I'm sorry.
I gotta go.
Okay.
Bye.
- What did Hammer say? - Doesn't matter.
I didn't want to have sex with him, so that's probably why.
What did that ass-fucker say? He said he was fine with it.
And then he started putting me down with little comments, you know? Are you sure he wasn't just flirting? Mom, he was making fun of my thighs.
Does that sound like he was flirting to you? Well, yeah, I know, but when I was in high school, for example guys used to tease me mercilessly about my rear end.
I'm not you.
- I know.
- So please do not compare my life to yours.
- I don't want to hear about your butt.
- Okay.
JESSICA: Oh, that black looks good, Damon.
I'm so glad you came with us.
That's not effeminate at all.
Lots of guys get their nails done.
- It doesn't mean you're gay.
- I'm not gay.
Well, either way, I love you guys.
LENORE: What do you mean he didn't fuck you? DARBY: Anyway, Maya saw him with some skinny girl.
And when I texted him about it, he didn't write back.
It's been like two days, so I'm probably dumped.
Forget him, Darby.
Hammer reeks.
- That's just his funky glands.
- Would you stop defending him? It's over.
LENORE: I don't give a shit if he was sick.
He got paid to fuck you.
It's his job to come through.
- Excuse me.
- Shh.
Listen, Molly, if he didn't fuck you, you're gonna get reimbursed.
- There are children here.
- Excuse me for a sec.
What? Your language, my kids don't need to be exposed.
Sweetheart, I'm gonna have to call you back.
- Do you have a problem with me? - I might if you don't temper your language.
LENORE: Here, babe.
If you ever want to pick out an outfit to match that stick up your ass give me a call.
RAY: How Tanya talked me over to her place, I'll never know.
I'm not the type who needs babying when I'm sick.
Oh, God.
Don't look at it.
Don't think about it.
Don't wonder where it came from.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Okay.
I'm coming in.
I'm not looking.
I'm gonna put your Yerba maté on the tub here.
And, um, how's the salts? RAY: The what? TANYA: The bath salts.
They're supposed to be reinvigorating.
Good.
I suppose I really should have just got a Z-Pak.
Oh what, you're gonna slam your body with drugs now, Ray? - Antibiotics are bad even for chickens.
- Will you turn around, Tanya? I feel weird talking to the back of your head.
TANYA: I didn't want to impose upon your privacy.
I'm not shy.
You know what I think? I think that this whole "I'm sick" thing is psychosomatic.
- Tanya, my head is pounding.
- Ray, come on.
Right before you're supposed to perform, you get sick? I got no problems performing, okay? Soon as I'm better, I'll perform any night of the week.
Can you handle twice in a night? Twice in a night is child's play, Tanya.
That's fantastic, because you have Molly at 8 and another one at 11.
Great.
Molly, huh? - What about Molly? - No, just Ahem.
You know, I don't know if I really feel comfortable doing Molly.
Why the hell not? I don't know.
Just, I She's She's not really my type.
Not your type? What's your type, Ray? She's just not exactly what I was expecting.
- What were you expecting? - I don't know.
Just, you know, someone who looks like they're sexually active.
You mean somebody you want to be sexually active with.
- My God, so insulting.
RAY: What? Insulting to who? I mean, come on, Tanya.
You have me flying blind out there.
I got rights too, you know? Happiness Consultants does not discriminate.
Not every customer is gonna be some perfect, big-breasted 10.
I mean, why don't you try expanding that pea-sized brain of yours and getting turned on by a woman's mind? - We're not talking about my mind here.
- We can't control who opens that door.
It's part of your job to walk through it anyway.
[WOMAN SCREAMING ON SCREEN.]
RAY: Who needs Mamma Mia! Huh? Dad, your mask is distracting me from the movie.
You're probably not even infectious.
RAY: All right, maybe you're right.
The car's a closed environment, kids.
I thought I'd play it safe.
[WOMAN SCREAMS ON SCREEN.]
[DARBY GROANS AND DAMON LAUGHS.]
Why are outdoor movies always so violent? Blood and gore plays great on the big screen.
It's the great tradition of the B movie.
Yeah, the family that screams together stays together.
- Not in our case.
- Come on, Darb.
We hang out, right? We're still together.
Dreckers don't let tough times get them down.
- Where are you going? - I need popcorn.
Darby, wait.
RAY: What the hell's going on? - It's her ex-boyfriend.
- What, that Hammer kid? - What the hell's his problem anyway? - Stay here and I'll handle it, all right? Forget about him, Darb.
Just ignore him.
- Let's leave.
Pretend you don't know him.
- Shut up.
Hi, Hammer.
Hey, Darb.
What's up? Uh, heh, not much.
Hi, I'm Tracie.
Can we talk for a second, please? You mean, like, now? She texted you and you never even answered, you asswipe.
- When? - Two fucking days ago.
- Damon, stop it.
- No, you stop, Darby.
I'm handling this.
You wanna know who's got back, Hammer? - You've got back.
- Chill out before I kill you, dude.
- Stay away from my sister.
DARBY: I'll pay for it.
- You'll what? Fuck his popcorn.
- Fuck you, you wienie motherfucker.
Hey, hey, hey! Break it up.
- Hey, what's going on here? - Dad, I have it under control.
Yeah, I can see that, Damon.
- You Hammer? - Yes, sir.
What's wrong with you? You upset my daughter.
You're about to hit my son when you're twice as fat.
Dad, it wasn't Hammer's fault.
Damon started it.
- All right.
- He doesn't love you, Darb.
- Why are you taking his side? - I can talk to Hammer if I want to, okay? Stop fricking ruining this for me.
Both of you.
Take it down.
Oh, wait! This sucks.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
All right, I got eyes on them.
She knows I'm not gonna let her drive home with that kid, right? - Damester.
Hey, man, you crying? - No.
- Why's your face all wet? - I'm not crying, Dad.
It's just Sometimes life is just too much.
Listen, when life gives you lemons - What, you make lemonade? - Well, yeah.
If you like lemonade.
[DAMON CRYING.]
RAY: I've been a jock, student leader, professional ballplayer, an educator.
Is this really the material from which male prostitutes are made? Hey.
- Hi.
- It's Ray Drecker.
Remember? Tanya's friend.
- Yes, the vintage-car guy, right? - Yeah, right.
Tanya's friend.
- Yeah, you remember the other night? - What night? With you and me and Tanya.
Are you referring to my student, Tanya Skagle? Right.
- The point is? - There There is no point.
I just I recognized you and thought I'd say hi.
Hi.
I don't think you should spend time with Tanya, Ray.
She's going places.
- You know what I'm saying? - Excuse me? That young woman should be surrounded with inspirational people and positive influences, that's all.
- She doesn't need a quitter.
- What do you mean, a quitter? I'm not a quitter.
- You don't even know me.
- You're right, Ray.
I don't.
So I'll just be jogging on.
Oh, by the way, how's the vintage-car business coming? RAY: It's good.
It's great.
Thanks for asking.
Running into Floyd was like a bad dream.
Did I really look like a quitter? - Are you done with the Circuit City thing? - Oh, God.
I am so sorry.
I am so slow tonight.
I'm off my game.
Honey, I don't care.
RAY: It felt like a symbolic kind of thing, ordering a beam.
One foot in front of the other.
A step in the right direction, you know? It's not in there, Ray.
- I counted only 143.
RAY: One forty-three.
Maybe there's a missing $100 bill.
Maybe under one of these piles.
I don't think so.
One forty-three.
So that's just enough for about a half a structural beam, right? - What kind of beam do you have in mind? - A house beam.
A structural beam to enjoy for many years to come.
I guess you mean a ridge beam.
- Yes.
- Well, 143 wouldn't buy you half a beam.
Okay? In fact, we don't even sell half beams.
What good is a half beam anyway? The beam costs $500 to make, and it does not include the price of wood.
Step over here, please.
That damn pickle jar.
It really did say it all.
RAY: Sorry about the other day.
I just I had this 24-hour bug thing.
I mean, I had the flu shot.
It must It must have been some weird strain or something.
Yes, it's been going around.
My husband had it too.
- Heh, heh.
I thought maybe it was me.
- You? Molly.
- Why would you think it was you? - Whew.
- That's a relief.
- I felt really bad that I canceled.
I was I was looking forward to this.
So What happens next? May I? You're so Oh, dear.
What's wrong? My husband, Richard.
He, uh He doesn't? He wants to have sex with me every morning at 6 a.
m.
- Huh.
- That's the way he wants to start his day.
He says he has a high testosterone level and if we don't have sex, he can't start his day and he'll end up cheating on me.
But he's terrible at sex.
He has no talent for it.
No equipment for it.
Oh, and the worst thing is, I don't know how to tell him no.
That must be challenging.
- I'm sorry, I can't go through with this.
- You mean, you don't want to do anything? Every time I think of intercourse, I see his face.
I think you should go.
Huh.
Yeah.
Why don't we just relax? Just see what happens? I can't.
You know, you were interested enough to get me here.
And then you got me here again.
And this might be your first time but this is what I do.
I'm a professional.
It's my job to make you forget about your husband.
You might have a hard time saying no to him but I promise you, Molly you won't have a hard time saying yes to me.
I wouldn't mind just looking at your penis.
You want to look at it? I think that would make me happy.
I changed my mind.
You're nothing like my husband, are you? I doubt we have much in common.
What's the second address, Tanya? You went? - Sure, I went.
And I'm going again.
- Really, Ray? Oh, my God, that's fantastic.
You're a god.
You're not the only woman to say that tonight.
Catch my drift? [OVER PHONE.]
I'll text you the address.
I've been sitting here, Ray, about to shoot myself.
Just seeing visions of me here, just stuck and getting older and surrounded by all these fucking papers and all these people's photographs of all their stupid kids.
Ray, are you there? RAY: Ajock, a student leader a professional ballplayer, an educator a gigolo.
Perhaps an excellent gigolo.
An enthusiastic, fucking fantastic fucker.
Hi.