InSecurity (2011) s01e04 Episode Script
The Ligerian Candidate
Ah, my old friend, I still can't believe my eyes.
I thought you were dead, Masud! I would be if it weren't for NISA and my insulin pump.
It was mostly your old partner who managed to track you down.
[funky music ringtone.]
Sorry.
I'll put it on vibrate.
I owe you my life, old friend.
You saved mine enough times.
Seven years in the Ligerian Secret Service.
And three years in Special Ops.
And two in summer camp.
Hey, I went to summer camp.
Camp Wabi.
Where'd you guys go? It was a prison camp when we were captured by rebels.
But we slept on the ground.
And sang songs.
Ohhhhhhhhh, nosi Well, welcome to Canada, Masud.
Claude Lesage will set you up in a safe house at [phone vibrates loudly.]
Sorry.
I'll turn it off.
Anyway, Claude will set you up at the safe house.
We'll debrief you [phone vibrates.]
Do I hold down button and slide [funky music ringtone.]
Oh, now it's ringing again.
Just answer it.
Sorry.
Masud.
Hello.
You've got the eyes of a stranger Benjamin N'udu.
Do you have the eyes of a stranger? I do.
The time has come, Benjamin, to serve the Ganzi Nation.
I understand.
I will serve the Ganzi Nation.
You will retrieve the weapon passcodes from Masud D'wala.
Once in possession of the codes, you will kill Masud.
Do you understand? Yes.
Retrieve codes, kill Masud.
Good.
Now when you hang up, you will forget this entire conversation.
Yes, forget this entire conversation.
Except the part about retrieving the codes and killing Masud.
Yes.
Remember to kill Masud.
Then get the codes.
Then get the codes.
Uh-uh, no, wait.
That part comes first.
Yes.
Okay.
I am going to hang up now.
ALEX: Oh.
Hey, Kathy, it's me.
Alex.
Alex Cranston, "A-Crans" from the bottom bunk.
Anyways, I was just thinking how long it's been since camp.
I would love to get together.
I know it's been a while, but call me.
Oh, hey, N'udu.
Where is Masud? Well now the sun ain't shinin' no more I don't know why but I've seen it before Ain't got no joy No man to lean on He leaves my soul on the floor like a doll Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo I'd just like to have some time with my old friend, to catch up.
I just got in touch with an old friend, myself.
You were leaving a message.
Yeah, but it was good to hear her voice.
Old camp pals.
Gimp bracelets, best friends forever, whipped cream in her underwear, that kinda thing.
Um, we haven't talked in you and Masud, I thought, time to change all that.
Yes.
Speaking of Masud, which safe house is my bestie in? Oh, I can't tell you that.
Masud's a prime target for the Ganzi rebels, so it's a need-to-know.
Yes, I need to know.
I know you're concerned.
You're the closest to Masud, but the Ganzis could use you to get to him.
[laughs.]
That's crazy.
It's true, buddy.
There's Internet chatter that the Ganzis have sleeper agents in Canada.
They could be after you.
Then I should be protected, at the safe house.
Where is it, again? Don't worry, you're safe here.
Besides, I need you working with Burt.
We've picked up calls to an Ottawa number.
We need to find out who they're calling.
Agreed.
Where's Masud? [phone ringing.]
Oh, I need to take this.
Kathy! How are you? It's nice, feels lived in.
Like really lived in.
Uh, there's someone's underwear on the floor.
It's safe.
That's the main thing.
JOJO: Claude, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.
If this is a safe house, then why is there a photo of your family here? Oh.
[chuckles.]
We used to be picture frame models.
Okay.
This is my daughter's apartment.
She's gone backpacking for three weeks.
If I sublet her place as a safe house, I can write it off.
Genius.
Then you use the money to pay for her tuition.
Why would I do that? Let's hope that Masud doesn't notice.
Oh, it's fine.
Is this my room? Seems a little gay.
Kathy! Three kids? Fantastic.
We have got to get together for lunch.
Yes, I know I've cancelled a buncha times.
Today? No, I can't.
Wait.
Yes, let's do it today.
Great.
I'll see you in an hour.
I'll bring the gimp, the, uh, bracelet, not the creepy guy with the zipper mouth.
Oh, you hung up.
Did you guys hear my joke? I'll be in my office.
Wow.
This is a really complicated encryption.
Those Ganzis obviously do not want us to know who they're talking to.
Any luck at your end? Just triangulating over here.
Boy, you're really typin' up a storm.
Just lotsa triangulating to do.
Oh, my God.
Someone's hacking into our system right now.
Triangulating, triangulating.
Gotta shut that down.
Boom! Access denied.
Goddamn it! That's good work.
Now, if someone wanted to override the system, is there a way they could? I suppose if they went down to the server room and accessed the node directly.
But why would anyone who works here Oh, oh, oh, oh! My stomach.
I must have eaten a bad food.
If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom.
With your laptop? Triangulating, That's our N'udu.
Okay, bathroom's clear.
I hid all the feminine hygiene products.
Question: does your daughter have a beard? Bit of a moustache, but she bleaches.
So is this hers? No.
That must have been Noah's.
My daughter used to date that guy.
Real nerd.
Made pottery.
That would explain the kiln.
The kiln? He must still be living here.
I never liked him, with his ironically greasy hair and his bag of dice.
.
There's nothing wrong with a man whose weapon of choice is a bag of dice.
You haven't met Noah.
No.
But I had a Noah of my own.
His name was Bryce.
We went to music school.
He was a percussionist.
Triangle was his strong suit.
My father hated him.
Annie wanted to marry Noah at a Wizard Fair.
You know, dress up and throw tinfoil at each other? Anyway, I called in a favour and had it tear gassed.
My father ran over Bryce's triangle with his hybrid.
Bryce never heard it coming.
Annie was very upset.
My wife thinks that's why they broke up, which was good.
But, you know, it looks like they're still together now.
Well, the Ganzis didn't take long.
They tried to hack into our system to get the address, but I shut them down.
Good.
I thought N'udu was working with you.
He went to the bathroom to triangulate.
Okay, I don't really wanna know what that means.
If you shut them out, then why is our server still being accessed? That's not possible unless someone's hacked into the server.
You stay here.
I'll check out the server room.
Good idea.
Because I have no clue where that is.
Sacrement d'osti! What are you doing? You shouldn't be reading someone's diary.
Hey, I'm a spy.
Besides, it's not my fault.
The lock was broken.
I couldn't find the key.
You read this too? I'm a spy.
So I guess you know that she never broke up with Noah.
She's not backpacking.
They're getting married at Skywalker Ranch! You know what? Noah sounds great.
Did you know he's a Level 5 Magic User? He's on his way to becoming King of his LARPing nation.
LARPing? Live Action Role Play.
Is that a sex thing? Not at first.
Hello? [gasps.]
Oh, N'udu, you scared me.
Someone is trying to access the ser Ow! What did you do that for? This was supposed to knock you out.
You must have moved.
Oh, well, forgive me! And me.
Ooh-oooh! What is your problem? Stand still.
I have to do this! Ow! Stop that! Goddamn it, woman! Aah! [glass shatters.]
Ooh-oooh! No signal! Oh! N'udu! Why do you have to be so thorough? I really like this pottery.
Just look at the contours, the attention to detail.
[pottery breaks.]
Dangerous.
Can be used as a weapon.
By Claude.
Is this about your daughter eloping with Noah? Oh.
You read the diary too? I'm a spy.
Masud, what do you think about mixed relationships, like between a nerd and a normal person? Sure.
Who is this normal person you are interested in? Claude, don't do what my father did.
He sent me to an all-girls math school.
I never saw Bryce again.
Now every time I catch sight of a tall blonde man clutching a triangle case, well, I'm getting emotional.
I think of my own daughter.
What would you do? Oh, I'd give her my blessing.
But the husband, for him, I wait until the moon is full, then I pull out my bowie knife and Castrate him.
No.
I also give him my blessing and pass on the family knife in the time-honoured Ligerian moon ceremony.
Do not leave me alone with him.
Don't worry.
It's a safe house.
[knocking.]
Come on in.
Hi, N'udu.
Aah! It should be done.
Why hasn't N'udu called? Maybe you played him the wrong song.
I played the right song! It is right here in Ultimate Brainwash Mix 2.
Then why hasn't You have a playlist called Ultimate Brainwash Mix 2? Yeah? It's there between, uh, Cottage Mix and Party Massacre.
Just call him again.
[phone ringing.]
N'udu.
[ringing.]
N'udu! Hello? You've got the eyes of a stranger Do you have the eyes of a stranger? No, they're hazel.
I I don't think that was him.
Did you dial extension 27? Yes.
Again.
[phone ringing.]
You've got the eyes Don't hang up.
I know this one.
I listen to Mad Wolf and Jenny in the morning.
It it's, uh, the one that, um, uh She's got the lips, she's got the look, she's "She's Got the Look!" You are not even close! RECORDED VOICE: One minute remaining in this call.
I thought you got a new calling card! Sshht! Don't tttscht! It's with that guy headband, tight pants, tennis racket.
Stop guessing! You don't know it! [beep.]
RECORDED VOICE: Goodbye.
Uh, oh, no, wait.
Aa-aaah! Dammit.
Try his cell.
I would if I had a valid calling card.
[whistling "Eyes of a Stranger".]
Oh.
Oh, oh.
Uh-oh.
[banging keyboard.]
Help me, you idiot! I'm here now.
Whoa, you look tired.
N'udu's gone rogue.
He just tried to beat me with a pipe.
Welcome to my Monday.
Hey, what's this song? Ba-da-da-da-da da-da-daa aah-daah I think N'udu's trying to kill Masud.
I'm such an idiot.
I guessed "She's Got the Look.
" Forget about that.
We gotta get to the safe house.
Ba-da-pa Oh, great, now look what you've done.
Whoa-ho-ho.
This Noah is a very passionate young man.
What are you doing? They're Ganzi double agents.
I'm going to protect you.
So, please, just close your eyes.
Yes.
Do what you have to them.
Claude was getting weird.
Probably after the codes.
Oh, right, the codes.
You were going to kill me? No.
So the codes, what are they? They're 8 Yes? Yes? Suck on this, N'udu! Oof! I know what the Ganzis have done to you.
You have to fight it! We have been here before.
Remember? The timeshare in Florida.
I was entranced by the welcome buffet.
And you said, "No, no! It's a trap!" Must obey orders.
Hate breakfast buffet! [sounds of a struggle.]
We gotta get in there now.
Freeze! Tom.
Alex.
Burt.
Hey.
I thought we booked this safe house.
Claude didn't want it, said he found a cheaper one in the student ghetto.
Here's a brochure.
Oooh, central air and vac.
Yeah.
We'll let you get back to it.
[muffled pleading.]
Nice to meet, too.
Tell me where the files are! [phone ringing.]
Kathy? Who the hell's Ka Oh, crap.
I thought we'd eat at a restaurant.
This is from one of the best Mexican restaurants downtown.
[scoffs.]
We have Taco Mart in the suburbs, too.
Great, so you have Taco Mart and you have kids.
It's nice to catch up.
Are are you sure you should be driving so fast? Is this a gun? I thought you said you were an accountant.
Uh, it's it's tax season.
I hear ya.
Yeah, put the gun down.
Okay.
So, how do you guys know each other, anyway? We were cabin mates at camp.
Ooooooh We're from Camp Wabi and we're on the best team, we do the Watusi, we're seven feet tall! Bring it home, Alex.
Wunwawa, ungawa, ungawa You get the idea.
Oh, yeah.
You can't just sing half of it.
It's bad luck! [quickly.]
Uawawa-ungawa-ungawa-ungawa unga-u-ungawa-ungawawa! You don't want to do that! You were the best man at all my weddings! Must obey orders! Just put the knife down! Tell! Tell me the codes! [grunting.]
Dad? Oh, hey, Mr.
Lesage.
Why are you tied up? [grunting.]
Wow, that's Noah? He's no Bryce.
You're right, Claude.
He's gotta go.
What's going on, here? You tell me, Mrs.
Melnyk.
Oh! Oh, Mrs.
Melnyk, that's so sweet! Oooo! I know.
Mr.
Melnyk.
Congratulations.
N'udu, give him your knife.
Nice try.
Must kill Masud! Second verse! Wow, how, wow! Sounds like you two really enjoyed camp.
We were best friends.
Yeah, till you dumped me.
What? I don't remember that.
Oh, you you don't remember signing up for crafts with Jane from senior cabin after you told me you didn't want to? But when Jane and the other scrawny boxes wanted to make a wallet, there you were, "I love crafts! I love crafts!" I got stuck in canoeing with Smelly Kelly 'cause I thought it's what you wanted.
Oh, my God! That was 20 years ago! Not to me it wasn't.
Whoa.
Sensing a bit of tension here.
No, no.
No tension.
.
[tires screech.]
Call me! I just think that you can do better.
Ditto.
You never gave him a chance.
Yes, I did.
He's been very patient.
And, FYI, Miss Purple Prose, Noah is no "Ivory-skinned Adonis.
" You read my diary? Only the steamy bits.
Am I in it? Of course you are, you idiot! What do you think this is about? Hélas, père! Il n'y a pas de même.
Je l'aime, mon sorcier.
Masud! Here! Not the tapenade dish.
[crash.]
I'm sorry.
I really do like your work.
ALEX: N'udu! Freeze! Okay, everybody just Get back! Get back! Calm down, N'udu.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Who are you? I live here.
In a safe house? Uh, that's my daughter, Annie, and my, uh, son-in-law.
You said it Dad.
Don't hug me, if you want to live.
N'udu, you've been brainwashed.
You can fight this.
Remember that time we were at Best Buy and that girl wanted to sell you the extended warranty on your shredder and you said, "No"? N'udu, you said "No!" A good shredder.
Alex, friend.
I'm so confused.
Yes, friend.
And friends don't kill friends.
Sometimes they leave 'em at the side of the road.
Good neighbourhood, middle of the day, she's got bus fare.
Masud, friend.
But must kill him! Aah! In your lips I sense a danger , You've got the eyeeeees of a stranger Yes.
Yes, I do.
Have I been sleeping for all these years? Haven't we had enough singing for today? Is it magic that makes you appear That song.
You can hear it too.
Unfortunately.
That was the song on the phone.
It was the Ganzis.
That's what triggered N'udu.
Everybody, sing it! No, I'm not.
Me neither.
ALEX: Sing it! When you walked in the room I felt my heart race Stop it! No singing! And I knew I'd been fooled when I looked at your face N'udu, listen carefully.
And don't kill Masud.
Don't kill Masud.
Or be mean to Burt.
Don't kill Masud.
It's not working.
EVERYONE: I your lips I sense a danger You've got the eyeeeees of a stranger What am I doing? I'm so sorry.
I didn't want to hurt you.
It's all right.
I would have stabbed you before I let you do anything you'd regret.
You're a good friend, Masud.
Ah! Put down the knife first.
We played "Eyes of a Stranger" to N'udu 413 times now without incident.
I feel confident he's cured.
He'll still kill the people we want him to kill, right? Without question.
He's a psychopath.
Lotsa stuff we couldn't fix.
So should we be worried? No, he's good.
He's got a very strong will.
Obviously, weak-willed people or people of low IQs are much more susceptible to brainwashing.
[phone ringing.]
Hello.
Burt Wilson.
No one can stop you now Tonight you're on the loose Burt Wilson, can anyone stop you now? No.
Tonight I am on the loose.
Then you will pick up my dry cleaning.
Pick up dry cleaning.
Don't forget my latte.
And a latte for JoJo.
No foam, extra sprinkles.
Guys! Sorry.
We'll stop.
No.
I want a muffin, Fruit Explosion, heated, butter.
And a muffin for Alex.
Alex, muffin.
Nice wallet.
Thanks.
I made it at camp with my best friend, Jane.
I should call her.
Call Jane.
I thought you were dead, Masud! I would be if it weren't for NISA and my insulin pump.
It was mostly your old partner who managed to track you down.
[funky music ringtone.]
Sorry.
I'll put it on vibrate.
I owe you my life, old friend.
You saved mine enough times.
Seven years in the Ligerian Secret Service.
And three years in Special Ops.
And two in summer camp.
Hey, I went to summer camp.
Camp Wabi.
Where'd you guys go? It was a prison camp when we were captured by rebels.
But we slept on the ground.
And sang songs.
Ohhhhhhhhh, nosi Well, welcome to Canada, Masud.
Claude Lesage will set you up in a safe house at [phone vibrates loudly.]
Sorry.
I'll turn it off.
Anyway, Claude will set you up at the safe house.
We'll debrief you [phone vibrates.]
Do I hold down button and slide [funky music ringtone.]
Oh, now it's ringing again.
Just answer it.
Sorry.
Masud.
Hello.
You've got the eyes of a stranger Benjamin N'udu.
Do you have the eyes of a stranger? I do.
The time has come, Benjamin, to serve the Ganzi Nation.
I understand.
I will serve the Ganzi Nation.
You will retrieve the weapon passcodes from Masud D'wala.
Once in possession of the codes, you will kill Masud.
Do you understand? Yes.
Retrieve codes, kill Masud.
Good.
Now when you hang up, you will forget this entire conversation.
Yes, forget this entire conversation.
Except the part about retrieving the codes and killing Masud.
Yes.
Remember to kill Masud.
Then get the codes.
Then get the codes.
Uh-uh, no, wait.
That part comes first.
Yes.
Okay.
I am going to hang up now.
ALEX: Oh.
Hey, Kathy, it's me.
Alex.
Alex Cranston, "A-Crans" from the bottom bunk.
Anyways, I was just thinking how long it's been since camp.
I would love to get together.
I know it's been a while, but call me.
Oh, hey, N'udu.
Where is Masud? Well now the sun ain't shinin' no more I don't know why but I've seen it before Ain't got no joy No man to lean on He leaves my soul on the floor like a doll Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo I'd just like to have some time with my old friend, to catch up.
I just got in touch with an old friend, myself.
You were leaving a message.
Yeah, but it was good to hear her voice.
Old camp pals.
Gimp bracelets, best friends forever, whipped cream in her underwear, that kinda thing.
Um, we haven't talked in you and Masud, I thought, time to change all that.
Yes.
Speaking of Masud, which safe house is my bestie in? Oh, I can't tell you that.
Masud's a prime target for the Ganzi rebels, so it's a need-to-know.
Yes, I need to know.
I know you're concerned.
You're the closest to Masud, but the Ganzis could use you to get to him.
[laughs.]
That's crazy.
It's true, buddy.
There's Internet chatter that the Ganzis have sleeper agents in Canada.
They could be after you.
Then I should be protected, at the safe house.
Where is it, again? Don't worry, you're safe here.
Besides, I need you working with Burt.
We've picked up calls to an Ottawa number.
We need to find out who they're calling.
Agreed.
Where's Masud? [phone ringing.]
Oh, I need to take this.
Kathy! How are you? It's nice, feels lived in.
Like really lived in.
Uh, there's someone's underwear on the floor.
It's safe.
That's the main thing.
JOJO: Claude, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.
If this is a safe house, then why is there a photo of your family here? Oh.
[chuckles.]
We used to be picture frame models.
Okay.
This is my daughter's apartment.
She's gone backpacking for three weeks.
If I sublet her place as a safe house, I can write it off.
Genius.
Then you use the money to pay for her tuition.
Why would I do that? Let's hope that Masud doesn't notice.
Oh, it's fine.
Is this my room? Seems a little gay.
Kathy! Three kids? Fantastic.
We have got to get together for lunch.
Yes, I know I've cancelled a buncha times.
Today? No, I can't.
Wait.
Yes, let's do it today.
Great.
I'll see you in an hour.
I'll bring the gimp, the, uh, bracelet, not the creepy guy with the zipper mouth.
Oh, you hung up.
Did you guys hear my joke? I'll be in my office.
Wow.
This is a really complicated encryption.
Those Ganzis obviously do not want us to know who they're talking to.
Any luck at your end? Just triangulating over here.
Boy, you're really typin' up a storm.
Just lotsa triangulating to do.
Oh, my God.
Someone's hacking into our system right now.
Triangulating, triangulating.
Gotta shut that down.
Boom! Access denied.
Goddamn it! That's good work.
Now, if someone wanted to override the system, is there a way they could? I suppose if they went down to the server room and accessed the node directly.
But why would anyone who works here Oh, oh, oh, oh! My stomach.
I must have eaten a bad food.
If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom.
With your laptop? Triangulating, That's our N'udu.
Okay, bathroom's clear.
I hid all the feminine hygiene products.
Question: does your daughter have a beard? Bit of a moustache, but she bleaches.
So is this hers? No.
That must have been Noah's.
My daughter used to date that guy.
Real nerd.
Made pottery.
That would explain the kiln.
The kiln? He must still be living here.
I never liked him, with his ironically greasy hair and his bag of dice.
.
There's nothing wrong with a man whose weapon of choice is a bag of dice.
You haven't met Noah.
No.
But I had a Noah of my own.
His name was Bryce.
We went to music school.
He was a percussionist.
Triangle was his strong suit.
My father hated him.
Annie wanted to marry Noah at a Wizard Fair.
You know, dress up and throw tinfoil at each other? Anyway, I called in a favour and had it tear gassed.
My father ran over Bryce's triangle with his hybrid.
Bryce never heard it coming.
Annie was very upset.
My wife thinks that's why they broke up, which was good.
But, you know, it looks like they're still together now.
Well, the Ganzis didn't take long.
They tried to hack into our system to get the address, but I shut them down.
Good.
I thought N'udu was working with you.
He went to the bathroom to triangulate.
Okay, I don't really wanna know what that means.
If you shut them out, then why is our server still being accessed? That's not possible unless someone's hacked into the server.
You stay here.
I'll check out the server room.
Good idea.
Because I have no clue where that is.
Sacrement d'osti! What are you doing? You shouldn't be reading someone's diary.
Hey, I'm a spy.
Besides, it's not my fault.
The lock was broken.
I couldn't find the key.
You read this too? I'm a spy.
So I guess you know that she never broke up with Noah.
She's not backpacking.
They're getting married at Skywalker Ranch! You know what? Noah sounds great.
Did you know he's a Level 5 Magic User? He's on his way to becoming King of his LARPing nation.
LARPing? Live Action Role Play.
Is that a sex thing? Not at first.
Hello? [gasps.]
Oh, N'udu, you scared me.
Someone is trying to access the ser Ow! What did you do that for? This was supposed to knock you out.
You must have moved.
Oh, well, forgive me! And me.
Ooh-oooh! What is your problem? Stand still.
I have to do this! Ow! Stop that! Goddamn it, woman! Aah! [glass shatters.]
Ooh-oooh! No signal! Oh! N'udu! Why do you have to be so thorough? I really like this pottery.
Just look at the contours, the attention to detail.
[pottery breaks.]
Dangerous.
Can be used as a weapon.
By Claude.
Is this about your daughter eloping with Noah? Oh.
You read the diary too? I'm a spy.
Masud, what do you think about mixed relationships, like between a nerd and a normal person? Sure.
Who is this normal person you are interested in? Claude, don't do what my father did.
He sent me to an all-girls math school.
I never saw Bryce again.
Now every time I catch sight of a tall blonde man clutching a triangle case, well, I'm getting emotional.
I think of my own daughter.
What would you do? Oh, I'd give her my blessing.
But the husband, for him, I wait until the moon is full, then I pull out my bowie knife and Castrate him.
No.
I also give him my blessing and pass on the family knife in the time-honoured Ligerian moon ceremony.
Do not leave me alone with him.
Don't worry.
It's a safe house.
[knocking.]
Come on in.
Hi, N'udu.
Aah! It should be done.
Why hasn't N'udu called? Maybe you played him the wrong song.
I played the right song! It is right here in Ultimate Brainwash Mix 2.
Then why hasn't You have a playlist called Ultimate Brainwash Mix 2? Yeah? It's there between, uh, Cottage Mix and Party Massacre.
Just call him again.
[phone ringing.]
N'udu.
[ringing.]
N'udu! Hello? You've got the eyes of a stranger Do you have the eyes of a stranger? No, they're hazel.
I I don't think that was him.
Did you dial extension 27? Yes.
Again.
[phone ringing.]
You've got the eyes Don't hang up.
I know this one.
I listen to Mad Wolf and Jenny in the morning.
It it's, uh, the one that, um, uh She's got the lips, she's got the look, she's "She's Got the Look!" You are not even close! RECORDED VOICE: One minute remaining in this call.
I thought you got a new calling card! Sshht! Don't tttscht! It's with that guy headband, tight pants, tennis racket.
Stop guessing! You don't know it! [beep.]
RECORDED VOICE: Goodbye.
Uh, oh, no, wait.
Aa-aaah! Dammit.
Try his cell.
I would if I had a valid calling card.
[whistling "Eyes of a Stranger".]
Oh.
Oh, oh.
Uh-oh.
[banging keyboard.]
Help me, you idiot! I'm here now.
Whoa, you look tired.
N'udu's gone rogue.
He just tried to beat me with a pipe.
Welcome to my Monday.
Hey, what's this song? Ba-da-da-da-da da-da-daa aah-daah I think N'udu's trying to kill Masud.
I'm such an idiot.
I guessed "She's Got the Look.
" Forget about that.
We gotta get to the safe house.
Ba-da-pa Oh, great, now look what you've done.
Whoa-ho-ho.
This Noah is a very passionate young man.
What are you doing? They're Ganzi double agents.
I'm going to protect you.
So, please, just close your eyes.
Yes.
Do what you have to them.
Claude was getting weird.
Probably after the codes.
Oh, right, the codes.
You were going to kill me? No.
So the codes, what are they? They're 8 Yes? Yes? Suck on this, N'udu! Oof! I know what the Ganzis have done to you.
You have to fight it! We have been here before.
Remember? The timeshare in Florida.
I was entranced by the welcome buffet.
And you said, "No, no! It's a trap!" Must obey orders.
Hate breakfast buffet! [sounds of a struggle.]
We gotta get in there now.
Freeze! Tom.
Alex.
Burt.
Hey.
I thought we booked this safe house.
Claude didn't want it, said he found a cheaper one in the student ghetto.
Here's a brochure.
Oooh, central air and vac.
Yeah.
We'll let you get back to it.
[muffled pleading.]
Nice to meet, too.
Tell me where the files are! [phone ringing.]
Kathy? Who the hell's Ka Oh, crap.
I thought we'd eat at a restaurant.
This is from one of the best Mexican restaurants downtown.
[scoffs.]
We have Taco Mart in the suburbs, too.
Great, so you have Taco Mart and you have kids.
It's nice to catch up.
Are are you sure you should be driving so fast? Is this a gun? I thought you said you were an accountant.
Uh, it's it's tax season.
I hear ya.
Yeah, put the gun down.
Okay.
So, how do you guys know each other, anyway? We were cabin mates at camp.
Ooooooh We're from Camp Wabi and we're on the best team, we do the Watusi, we're seven feet tall! Bring it home, Alex.
Wunwawa, ungawa, ungawa You get the idea.
Oh, yeah.
You can't just sing half of it.
It's bad luck! [quickly.]
Uawawa-ungawa-ungawa-ungawa unga-u-ungawa-ungawawa! You don't want to do that! You were the best man at all my weddings! Must obey orders! Just put the knife down! Tell! Tell me the codes! [grunting.]
Dad? Oh, hey, Mr.
Lesage.
Why are you tied up? [grunting.]
Wow, that's Noah? He's no Bryce.
You're right, Claude.
He's gotta go.
What's going on, here? You tell me, Mrs.
Melnyk.
Oh! Oh, Mrs.
Melnyk, that's so sweet! Oooo! I know.
Mr.
Melnyk.
Congratulations.
N'udu, give him your knife.
Nice try.
Must kill Masud! Second verse! Wow, how, wow! Sounds like you two really enjoyed camp.
We were best friends.
Yeah, till you dumped me.
What? I don't remember that.
Oh, you you don't remember signing up for crafts with Jane from senior cabin after you told me you didn't want to? But when Jane and the other scrawny boxes wanted to make a wallet, there you were, "I love crafts! I love crafts!" I got stuck in canoeing with Smelly Kelly 'cause I thought it's what you wanted.
Oh, my God! That was 20 years ago! Not to me it wasn't.
Whoa.
Sensing a bit of tension here.
No, no.
No tension.
.
[tires screech.]
Call me! I just think that you can do better.
Ditto.
You never gave him a chance.
Yes, I did.
He's been very patient.
And, FYI, Miss Purple Prose, Noah is no "Ivory-skinned Adonis.
" You read my diary? Only the steamy bits.
Am I in it? Of course you are, you idiot! What do you think this is about? Hélas, père! Il n'y a pas de même.
Je l'aime, mon sorcier.
Masud! Here! Not the tapenade dish.
[crash.]
I'm sorry.
I really do like your work.
ALEX: N'udu! Freeze! Okay, everybody just Get back! Get back! Calm down, N'udu.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Who are you? I live here.
In a safe house? Uh, that's my daughter, Annie, and my, uh, son-in-law.
You said it Dad.
Don't hug me, if you want to live.
N'udu, you've been brainwashed.
You can fight this.
Remember that time we were at Best Buy and that girl wanted to sell you the extended warranty on your shredder and you said, "No"? N'udu, you said "No!" A good shredder.
Alex, friend.
I'm so confused.
Yes, friend.
And friends don't kill friends.
Sometimes they leave 'em at the side of the road.
Good neighbourhood, middle of the day, she's got bus fare.
Masud, friend.
But must kill him! Aah! In your lips I sense a danger , You've got the eyeeeees of a stranger Yes.
Yes, I do.
Have I been sleeping for all these years? Haven't we had enough singing for today? Is it magic that makes you appear That song.
You can hear it too.
Unfortunately.
That was the song on the phone.
It was the Ganzis.
That's what triggered N'udu.
Everybody, sing it! No, I'm not.
Me neither.
ALEX: Sing it! When you walked in the room I felt my heart race Stop it! No singing! And I knew I'd been fooled when I looked at your face N'udu, listen carefully.
And don't kill Masud.
Don't kill Masud.
Or be mean to Burt.
Don't kill Masud.
It's not working.
EVERYONE: I your lips I sense a danger You've got the eyeeeees of a stranger What am I doing? I'm so sorry.
I didn't want to hurt you.
It's all right.
I would have stabbed you before I let you do anything you'd regret.
You're a good friend, Masud.
Ah! Put down the knife first.
We played "Eyes of a Stranger" to N'udu 413 times now without incident.
I feel confident he's cured.
He'll still kill the people we want him to kill, right? Without question.
He's a psychopath.
Lotsa stuff we couldn't fix.
So should we be worried? No, he's good.
He's got a very strong will.
Obviously, weak-willed people or people of low IQs are much more susceptible to brainwashing.
[phone ringing.]
Hello.
Burt Wilson.
No one can stop you now Tonight you're on the loose Burt Wilson, can anyone stop you now? No.
Tonight I am on the loose.
Then you will pick up my dry cleaning.
Pick up dry cleaning.
Don't forget my latte.
And a latte for JoJo.
No foam, extra sprinkles.
Guys! Sorry.
We'll stop.
No.
I want a muffin, Fruit Explosion, heated, butter.
And a muffin for Alex.
Alex, muffin.
Nice wallet.
Thanks.
I made it at camp with my best friend, Jane.
I should call her.
Call Jane.